How Would Christianity Be Different if Liza was Jesus
|by Anonymous||reply 199||03/09/2013|
You mean she isn't?
|by Anonymous||reply 1||01/06/2013|
When taking communion you'd get a full glass of wine, not just a tiny sip.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||01/06/2013|
The Last Supper would be attended by Halston.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||01/06/2013|
There would be countless Renaissance portraits of Judy Garland.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||01/06/2013|
Children would be taught Bob Fosse moves in Sunday school.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||01/06/2013|
There would be a church in Orlando named, "JUDY! Queen of the Universe!"
|by Anonymous||reply 6||01/06/2013|
The signature miracle would be the turning of water into vodka.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||01/06/2013|
The Pope would wear tight t-shirts and crotchless chaps.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||01/06/2013|
On Ash Wednesday, you'd get a smudge of Bolivian blow on your forehead.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||01/06/2013|
"Hail Judy, full of drugs, Liza spewed from Thee..."
|by Anonymous||reply 10||01/06/2013|
Raising Momma from the dead would be the signature miracle
|by Anonymous||reply 11||01/06/2013|
Instead of a last supper, we'd have a last night @ Radio City.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||01/06/2013|
There'd be no more talk about the mother being a virgin.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||01/06/2013|
The battle for the Holy Land would be centered in New Yooooork, New Yoooooooork.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||01/06/2013|
David Gest would be the richer by thirty pieces of silver.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||01/06/2013|
Judy would have been visited by the three Weissmanns--Herbert, Sylvia and little Arnie.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||01/06/2013|
Talk about a come back!
|by Anonymous||reply 17||01/06/2013|
The Resurrection would open at Carnegie Hall, $300 a pop.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||01/06/2013|
The books of the New Testament would be a series of live recordings.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||01/06/2013|
Liza would have THE most fabulous apostles.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||01/06/2013|
"on the third day she rose from the dead for another comeback at the Palace."
|by Anonymous||reply 21||01/06/2013|
Georgia would be one of the apostles.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||01/06/2013|
Scorsese would have given her the lead in 'The Last Temptation of Christ.'
|by Anonymous||reply 23||01/06/2013|
The Crucifixion would be a scathing review in the Post.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||01/06/2013|
Liturgy vestments would be called "boyfriend jackets."
|by Anonymous||reply 25||01/06/2013|
It would be called the Lasht Shupper.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||01/06/2013|
Shouldn't the question be "if Liza were Jesus" instead of "if Liza was Jesus." Just wondering.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||01/06/2013|
Boy friend BLAZERS, you FANTASTIC APOSTLE at R25.
Nowdo your pennance by praing in front of the sequin-covered basillca.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||01/06/2013|
Christianity was founded on control of women.
It would have never happened in the first place.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||01/06/2013|
All the church hymns would be by Kander & Ebb!
"That's Liza with a Z not List with a S for S is SATAN!"
|by Anonymous||reply 30||01/06/2013|
And on the third day
she rose again from a blackout
Ascended to cold porcelain
and sharteth on the right side of the seat
|by Anonymous||reply 31||01/06/2013|
She'd turn the water into vodka
|by Anonymous||reply 32||01/06/2013|
She would rise from the grave, belting, "Maybe this time I'll be lucky...."
|by Anonymous||reply 33||01/06/2013|
This thread is funnier than I expected
|by Anonymous||reply 34||01/06/2013|
I get my DREAMS from Our Father who Art in Heaven, but my DRIVE from my mother!
|by Anonymous||reply 35||01/06/2013|
Three words: Peter Allen Magdalene.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||01/06/2013|
The three wise men bring: gold, frankincense and sequins!
|by Anonymous||reply 37||01/06/2013|
The catechism would be replaced by the exortation, "Do it for Mama!"
|by Anonymous||reply 38||01/06/2013|
Andy Warhol would have sold Turin Shroud screenprints.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||01/06/2013|
Thirty talents? Thirty is NUTHIN!
|by Anonymous||reply 40||01/06/2013|
The altar boys would be twenty-three year old club queens who sashay up to the altar with bitchy attitude.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||01/06/2013|
Straight men would watch musicals.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||01/06/2013|
[quote]Turin Shroud screenprints
Talk about a redundancy.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||01/06/2013|
The word "blessed" throughout the Beatitudes would be replaced by "sensational."
|by Anonymous||reply 44||01/06/2013|
Marrying a gay man would be the norm.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||01/06/2013|
"Vestments, People! All eyes are on me, but my eyes are stuck with you. Let's keep them happy!"
|by Anonymous||reply 46||01/06/2013|
Pilgrims from around the globe would head for the site of Studio 54.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||01/06/2013|
We would all think her name was Jeshush.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||01/06/2013|
It would totally ruin my favorite story about Tallulah Bankhead at St. Patrick's cathedral. And that would be a pity, because for the moment, it is my only story about Tallulah Bankhead at St. Patrick's cathedral. Surely there cannot have been many occasions to chronicle. But if Liza had been Jesus, perhaps there would have been.
That's what I think about, sometimes.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||01/06/2013|
"The other day, someone said to me, 'Lisa, love the hat!' And I said, 'Thanks! But the name is Jesus, not Lisa; and this isn't a hat, it's my halo!'"
|by Anonymous||reply 50||01/06/2013|
About the woman taken in adultery: "He that is without shin among you, let him casht the firsht shtone at her."
To the woman taken in adultery: "Go, and shin no more."
|by Anonymous||reply 51||01/06/2013|
It would have been even easier for Christianity to replace Judy-ism.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||01/06/2013|
"When my baby smiles at me I go to Heaven..."
|by Anonymous||reply 53||01/06/2013|
All of the hymns would be written by Kander and Ebb.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||01/06/2013|
Fox News would be covering "The War on Cabaretmas".
|by Anonymous||reply 55||01/06/2013|
Dancing and gay male sex would be sacraments. Music in churches would be better.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||01/06/2013|
That cross would've been made by some fabulous designer.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||01/06/2013|
Lloyd Webber's breakthrough musical would have been "Liza M Superstar."
|by Anonymous||reply 58||01/06/2013|
[quote]Shouldn't the question be "if Liza were Jesus" instead of "if Liza was Jesus." Just wondering.
R27. Yes! When using the word "if," the auxiliary verb should be the plural form, meaning you must use "were" not "was."
Correct usuage: How would Christianity be different if Liza WERE Jesus.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||01/06/2013|
We'd have to ring them bells; We'd have to ring them bells....
|by Anonymous||reply 60||01/06/2013|
Vincente Minnelli would have directed "The Greatest Story Ever Told."
|by Anonymous||reply 61||01/06/2013|
Sermons would reference "The Parable of Elsie."
|by Anonymous||reply 62||01/06/2013|
All the priests would have been ga...oh wait.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||01/06/2013|
Judas would have been named Lorna.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||01/06/2013|
"Correct usuage: How would Christianity be different if Liza WERE Jesus."
Grammar Nazis should spell check
|by Anonymous||reply 65||01/06/2013|
Services would conclude with the collection plate passed around while the organist plays "Money."
|by Anonymous||reply 66||01/06/2013|
Churches would allow smoking.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||01/06/2013|
dumbest thread ever
|by Anonymous||reply 68||01/06/2013|
I like royal blue.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||01/06/2013|
Well, look at Christopher Hitchens at R68!
|by Anonymous||reply 70||01/06/2013|
I am happy we got this were and was thing figured out.
|by Anonymous||reply 71||01/06/2013|
Yes, R71, so is I.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||01/06/2013|
Mass would start with, "Gather around, I've got a story to tell..."
|by Anonymous||reply 73||01/06/2013|
Sigmata would consist of long, black, spidery eyelashes.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||01/06/2013|
BC = Before Cabaret
AD = After Drugs
|by Anonymous||reply 75||01/06/2013|
Men would have to have the babies. Think about that.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||01/06/2013|
How high were you when you posted this question, OP?
I'll have what you're having.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||01/06/2013|
Instead of dying for our sins, she's find our sins to die for!
|by Anonymous||reply 78||01/06/2013|
"I just started working with clay" would be a powerful mantra.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||01/06/2013|
When burly mechanic and truck driver types got upset they'd scream
LIZA H MINNELLI
|by Anonymous||reply 80||01/06/2013|
The Eucharistic host would be made from Cream ... of CHHHWHEAT!
|by Anonymous||reply 81||01/06/2013|
Lorna Luft would be Judas.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||01/06/2013|
Ann Miller would be the patron saint of hoarders.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||01/06/2013|
And Esther Williams patron saint of swimming pools.
|by Anonymous||reply 84||01/06/2013|
Grace Khelly would suffer a shtroke and die in a horrific car crash for shtealing Mama's Ohscar.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||01/06/2013|
Call and response at the end of service... Pastor: You are my mentor. Congregation: You are my mentor, too.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||01/06/2013|
The holy spirit would be rubbing alcohol
|by Anonymous||reply 87||01/06/2013|
The confessional booths would be staffed by reporters from The National Enquirer.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||01/06/2013|
This would be my Christmas card.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||01/06/2013|
So Liza walks into a hotel, hands the clerk three nails and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
|by Anonymous||reply 90||01/06/2013|
So many funny ones here, how did the Halston one get W&W? Am I missing something from that "joke"?
|by Anonymous||reply 91||01/06/2013|
R75 wins the whole thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||01/06/2013|
Bet thread in a long while. Thanks, fellash!
|by Anonymous||reply 93||01/06/2013|
Tony Danza would be Pope Detoxus VII.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||01/06/2013|
She wouldn't be betrayed by Judas....she'd be betrayed by LORNA.
|by Anonymous||reply 95||01/06/2013|
Tuesday, January 3, 1978
When I got home from the office I made a lot of phone calls, then walked over to Halston’s to pick up Bianca, she was cooking like a Puerto Rican, and she had the whole house smelled up with onions and hamburgers, she had them out on the counter. We cabbed up to 86th Street ($2.75) and we finally hit Saturday Night Fever at the right time and were able to get in. Well, the movie was just great. That bridge thing was the best scene—and the lines were great. It’s I guess the new kind of fantasy movie, you’re supposed to stay where you are. The old movies were things like Dead End and you had to get out of the dead end and make it to Park Avenue and now they’re telling you that it’s better off to stay where you are in Brooklyn—to avoid Park Avenue because it would just make you unhappy. It’s about people who would never even think about crossing the bridge, that’s the fantasy. And they played up Travolta’s big solo dance number, but then at the end they made the dance number with the girl so nothing, so underplayed. They were smart. And New York looked so exciting, didn’t it? The Brooklyn Bridge and New York. Stevie Rubell wants to do a disco movie, but I don’t think you could do another one, this one was so great. But why didn’t they do it as a play first? What was this first, a short story? They should have milked it—done it as a play first and it would have run forever.
Bianca fell asleep. Somewhere in the theater we found Dr. Giller. But he had related to the movie so well that he wanted to see it again, so we left him there and went back to Halston’s
Halston and Bianca were in the kitchen together cooking, and he said he had so much energy he wanted to go dancing. He told me lots of gossip—he said that the night before when the doorbell rang it was Liza Minnelli. Her life’s very complicated now. Like she was walking down the street with Jack Haley her husband and they’d run into Martin Scorsese who she’s now having an affair with, and Marty confronted her that she was also having an affair with Baryshnikov and Marty said how could she. This is going on with her husband, Jack Haley, standing there! And Halston said that it was all true, and he also said that Jack Haley wasn’t gay. You see? I was right, I didn’t think so. Halston said Jack likes Liza but that what he really goes for is big curvy blonde women. So when the doorbell rang the night before, it was Liza in a hat pulled down so nobody would recognize her, and she said to Halston, “Give me every drug you’ve got.” So he gave her a bottle of coke, a few sticks of marijuana, a Valium, four Quaaludes, and they were all wrapped in a tiny box, and then a little figure in a white hat came up on the stoop and kissed Halston, and it was Marty Scorsese, he’d been hiding around the corner, and then he and Liza went off to have their affair on all the drugs.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||01/06/2013|
There would be no resurrection, just a whole lotta "comebacks"!
|by Anonymous||reply 97||01/06/2013|
She would have been baptized in the River Hudson by the prophet Kay Thompson.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||01/06/2013|
Godspell would be ten times better.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||01/06/2013|
No crucifixes as necklaces, but jewelry by Liza!
|by Anonymous||reply 100||01/07/2013|
Great theological arguments would center over whether or not Liza and Eloise were two divine entities or one.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||01/07/2013|
Water wouldn't need to be turned into wine. Water would be wine.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||01/07/2013|
you would see this hanging in every home
|by Anonymous||reply 103||01/07/2013|
R103 owes me a new keyboard. Mine now has small bits of partially-chewed pizza between the keys.
|by Anonymous||reply 104||01/07/2013|
It would have gone nowhere because once she realized she could turn water into wine, she would just get drunk and do nothing else.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||01/07/2013|
SHE would have worn the Crown of Thorns, rather than IT wearing HER!
|by Anonymous||reply 106||01/07/2013|
"Western" society would be matriarchal, and men would be prostitutes for women more than the other way around. Women would be the pursuers and select husbands. Brothers would work for their sisters until approx. the Industrial Revolution. Men would currently be fighting for equal pay and the right to buy condoms and have vasectomies/not father children that they don't want.
|by Anonymous||reply 107||01/07/2013|
Lorna would be even more jealous.
Joe would like white and gold.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||01/07/2013|
Still laughing from yesterday at r44.
"Sensational are the poor in spirit..."
"Sensational are the peacemakers..."
|by Anonymous||reply 109||01/07/2013|
R52 wins, tho it was closhe
|by Anonymous||reply 110||01/07/2013|
The National Anthem would be Judy's version of Battle Hymn of the Republic...
|by Anonymous||reply 111||01/07/2013|
The holy trinity would consist of 'the ice, the slice, and the holy spirit'
|by Anonymous||reply 112||01/07/2013|
Favorite thread ever.
|by Anonymous||reply 113||01/07/2013|
The disciples would all be members of The Lollipop Guild.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||01/07/2013|
Thank you R22 - the best laugh I have had in a long time!
|by Anonymous||reply 115||01/07/2013|
[quote]Ann Miller would be the patron saint of hoarders.
And the gifts of the Magi would include karn con holders.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||01/07/2013|
Nuns' habits would be replicas of her "Mein Herr" costume.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||01/07/2013|
The three wise men would be the Atchison, Topeka and the Santa Fe....
|by Anonymous||reply 118||01/07/2013|
Actually, R118, I think that the three wisemen would have been Roger Edens, Harold Arlen and Arthur Freed, with Kay Thompson omitted only for reasons of gender.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||01/08/2013|
Instead of throwing the money-changers out of the temple, she'd have led them in a chorus of "Money Makes the World Go Round."
|by Anonymous||reply 120||01/08/2013|
If the Three Wise Men had been Frank, Dean and Sammy, Pontius Pilate would've been whacked.
|by Anonymous||reply 121||01/09/2013|
The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel would have been painted by Joe Eula.
|by Anonymous||reply 122||01/09/2013|
The Holy Grail by Elsa Peretti for Tiffany&Co.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||01/09/2013|
R121, Sammy gave up Christianity and became a Jew. Liza would have been devastated.
R 122, do you really believe that Joe Eula thought about painting while on his back?
|by Anonymous||reply 124||01/09/2013|
Liza collapses a third time.
|by Anonymous||reply 125||01/09/2013|
The Devil would look an awful like Louis B. Mayer.
|by Anonymous||reply 126||01/09/2013|
You'd keep your Bible on the coffee table.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||01/09/2013|
My gold lamé dress from Hit the Deck would be on display at the Cathedral at Chartres.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||01/09/2013|
If Liza was Jesus that would make Judy God?
|by Anonymous||reply 129||01/09/2013|
[quote]If Liza was Jesus that would make Judy God?
No, it would make her the Madonna. Instead of Ave Maria, the faithful would show their devotion by singing Swanee.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||01/09/2013|
Louise Veronica Ciccone would be known as... Louise Veronica Ciccone.
|by Anonymous||reply 131||01/09/2013|
"The Agony and the Ecstasy" would have been about the life of Mark Gero.
|by Anonymous||reply 132||01/09/2013|
Good Friday would be Fabulous Friday.
|by Anonymous||reply 133||01/09/2013|
We'd all gather 'round the Christmas tree and sing "Losing My Mind."
|by Anonymous||reply 134||01/09/2013|
LOL r132, that took me a minute.
|by Anonymous||reply 135||01/09/2013|
Instead of saying grace over a hearty meal we would say it over pills and liquor.
|by Anonymous||reply 136||01/09/2013|
Truman Capote as Judas Iscariot
|by Anonymous||reply 137||01/09/2013|
St. Patrick's Cathedral would be on Broadway and it would cost a hundred bucks to light a candle.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||01/09/2013|
Somehow I would imagine the Immaculate Conception would be pretty much true.
|by Anonymous||reply 139||01/09/2013|
Preparation for the priesthood would include dance lessons in Jazz and Tap.
|by Anonymous||reply 140||01/09/2013|
Every church would be very happy-clappy.
|by Anonymous||reply 141||01/09/2013|
"Liza with a Z" would replace the "Our Father".
|by Anonymous||reply 142||01/10/2013|
"Liza with a 'Z'" would replace the "Our Father".
|by Anonymous||reply 143||01/10/2013|
People would refer to "the Virgin Judy" without snickering.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||01/10/2013|
Betty Ford Clinic would be renamed Bethlehem.
|by Anonymous||reply 145||01/10/2013|
Satan would be a synonym for Streisand.
|by Anonymous||reply 146||01/10/2013|
In a parallel universe Liza IS the christ.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||01/10/2013|
In hotel rooms The Bible would be in the mini-bar.
|by Anonymous||reply 148||01/10/2013|
during the communion ceremony you would get a puff of cigarette instead of a wafer
|by Anonymous||reply 149||01/10/2013|
The communion wafers are Quaaludes.
|by Anonymous||reply 150||01/10/2013|
And at the time of your death, you will find yourself standing in judgement before Steve Rubell.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||01/10/2013|
I'm sorry, but some of these just crack me up ! Keep em coming!
|by Anonymous||reply 152||01/10/2013|
In "The Twelve Days of Christmas," "six geese a-laying" would be replaced with "a shixshpack of Schlitzsh."
|by Anonymous||reply 153||01/10/2013|
And you'd stand under the mistletoe if you want to get fucked.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||01/10/2013|
Here you go, r153.
|by Anonymous||reply 155||01/10/2013|
Oops. I'm on the 9th day of Christmas.
|by Anonymous||reply 156||01/10/2013|
The Vatican would be home to Saint Chita's Cathedral.
|by Anonymous||reply 157||01/10/2013|
If Liza was Jesus I'd jump in the air
And give all my toe-shoes to you.
I'd get all those hair ribbons out of my hair,
And once and for all I'd get . . .
Hey, I like blue!
|by Anonymous||reply 158||01/11/2013|
Nun habits would consist of: black velvet halter top, black sequined tap shorts, bowler hat, necklace, garter belt, fishnet stockings, and lace-up boots.
|by Anonymous||reply 159||01/11/2013|
[quote]Nun habits would consist of: black velvet halter top, black sequined tap shorts, bowler hat, necklace, garter belt, fishnet stockings, and lace-up boots.
And topped with boyfriend jackets.
|by Anonymous||reply 160||01/11/2013|
R151, it's been pretty well established that Steve Rubell thought of himself as Saint Peter.
|by Anonymous||reply 161||01/11/2013|
Forty days in the wilderness would be an Inpatient Treatment Program at Betty Ford Center.
|by Anonymous||reply 162||01/11/2013|
Uh, what do you mean by IF?
|by Anonymous||reply 163||01/11/2013|
"Maybe This Time, I'll Live" would be sung on Good Friday.
|by Anonymous||reply 164||01/11/2013|
The Stations of the Cross would be a musical with all the cast...er, people dressed in sequins, and there would totally be a reprise!
|by Anonymous||reply 165||01/11/2013|
She would have resurrected Elsie.
"What good is rotting alone in your tomb, come here the mushic play..."
|by Anonymous||reply 166||01/11/2013|
A grilled cheese sandwich bearing the likeness of Liza Minnelli would sell on eBay for $28,000.
|by Anonymous||reply 167||01/11/2013|
Judy Garland would star as herself in MGM's all-singing, all-dancing TECHNICOLOR production of "Song of Bernadette."
|by Anonymous||reply 168||01/11/2013|
Easter Parade would have been a Cecil B. DeMille biblical epic.
|by Anonymous||reply 169||01/11/2013|
There would be a controversial Christian organization called "Jews for Liza".
|by Anonymous||reply 170||01/11/2013|
Jezus ... with a Z!
|by Anonymous||reply 171||01/11/2013|
It would certainly be more difficult to argue certain elder gays make too much of Judy.
|by Anonymous||reply 172||01/11/2013|
Instead of wafers and wine, communion would consist of valium and vodka.
Instead of making the Sign of the Cross, Jazz Hands!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 173||01/11/2013|
Instead of turning water into wine, her first miracle would have been making a star out of Lorna Luft.
|by Anonymous||reply 174||01/11/2013|
Halston would have designed The Shroud of Turin.
|by Anonymous||reply 175||01/11/2013|
Apocrypha would be a disco bar she passed out in wearing a silver pantsuit and a black bra for a blouse.
|by Anonymous||reply 176||01/11/2013|
The four evangelists all would be named Bruce.
|by Anonymous||reply 177||01/11/2013|
It would finally be recognized that, no, of course Vincente Minelli was not her biological father.
|by Anonymous||reply 178||01/11/2013|
She would have cleared the agents out of the lobby of the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion.
|by Anonymous||reply 179||01/11/2013|
Well, in addition to being scourged at the pillar and crowned with thorns - being stoned!
|by Anonymous||reply 180||01/11/2013|
Instead of spending her last night at the Garden of Olives, she would have spent it at the Olive Garden.
|by Anonymous||reply 181||01/11/2013|
Her scene in CABARET where she returns home after her father didn't show up would have had special poignancy.
|by Anonymous||reply 182||01/11/2013|
David Gest = Mary Fagdalene?
|by Anonymous||reply 183||01/11/2013|
The Our Father would be the Our Mama.
|by Anonymous||reply 184||01/11/2013|
The Resurrection would be known as The Comeback.
|by Anonymous||reply 185||01/11/2013|
It would have taken more than three days for her to rise after her good Friday night.
|by Anonymous||reply 186||01/11/2013|
|by Anonymous||reply 187||01/11/2013|
|by Anonymous||reply 188||01/11/2013|
Ascension Thursday would be the day she got up before 3 p.m.
|by Anonymous||reply 189||01/11/2013|
Her getting nailed would not have been a one-time occurrence.
|by Anonymous||reply 190||01/12/2013|
The Frank Sinatra recording of "New York, New York" would be banned for being heretical.
|by Anonymous||reply 191||01/12/2013|
Mary wouldn't be a virgin.
|by Anonymous||reply 192||01/12/2013|
The Three Wise Men would have brought vodka, coke, and Marlboros.
|by Anonymous||reply 193||01/12/2013|
Vestments for Mass on the Feast of St. Joey would be blue.
For the Nativity of Liza, vestments would be black and of an embarrassingly short length if the main celebrant is over 60.
|by Anonymous||reply 194||01/12/2013|
Instead of feeding the multitude with a modest number of loaves and fishes, she would miraculously provide the crowd with an endless supply of bugle beads and lip gloss.
|by Anonymous||reply 195||01/13/2013|
All the hymns would be called "hers!" and all of them would be written by Peter Allen.
|by Anonymous||reply 196||01/14/2013|
Sam Raimi and James Franco would be tarred, feathered and exiled to Utah.
|by Anonymous||reply 197||03/09/2013|
I think, R197, that Utah might be too glamorous. Perhaps we can agree on Kansas.
|by Anonymous||reply 198||03/09/2013|
That one just flew right by you, didn't it, R198?
|by Anonymous||reply 199||03/09/2013|