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At what point would you "put away" a disabled child?

I'm a godparent and a good uncle, but there is no way I could handle a severely autistic child; for example, one who smears feces and is non-verbal. Down Syndrome and wheelchair-bound I could handle, but not a severe autistic.

I sympathize with these parents and I am surprised more autistics are not murdered by their caregivers.

by Anonymousreply 11205/01/2013

Please tell me this is a favorite conversation starter for you

by Anonymousreply 101/05/2013

OP - would the gender make any difference to you?

by Anonymousreply 201/05/2013

LOL r1

by Anonymousreply 301/05/2013

There used to be warehouses/facilities of severely disabled people (and children) in each state called mental institutions because they house the mentally ill along with the severely disabled.

Those mental institutions have been closed for the most part.

I'm not sure what exists as replacement for those old-fashioned facilities these days, as a policy of mainstreaming more into society has been the norm for a long time.

There still are facilities for the criminally mentally ill (formerly called criminally insane) but I'm not sure what exists for the severely disabled.

Maybe those in the know can speak to this.

by Anonymousreply 401/05/2013

When a severely autistic, cute baby grows up and becomes a raging, 200 lb man who has the mentality of child wtf are the parents supposed to do? The whole family suffers, especially siblings.

I'm all for stigma when it's warranted, but for some reason we like to harshly judge anyone who advocates institutionalizing them. I think parents should be told it's ok to put them in a home.

by Anonymousreply 501/05/2013

If you need help, your child must break a law.

It's one of the problems parents with autistic children face.

by Anonymousreply 701/05/2013

Many of these severely autistic kids attack their parents, teachers, etc. once they reach adolescense. They should be encouraged to press criminal charges in order to get themselves some help and to get their disturbed child placed in a psych home.

by Anonymousreply 801/05/2013

Thank you Ronnie raygun.

by Anonymousreply 901/05/2013

I have worked with developmentally disabled persons for most of my life, in a variety of settings.

If I had a severly disabled child....I would give it up at birth.

I know that sounds terrible, but I know I couldn't deal with the situation 24/7 for the rest of the child's life.

by Anonymousreply 1001/05/2013

I was going to write something silly and snarky OP, but this is not the thread to do that. I just hope that the parents can find some kind of happy resolution that brings them peace.

by Anonymousreply 1101/05/2013

R8, There's a problem with this --- it has to be a serious crime to get placed in a psych facility for any length of time. Otherwise, it will just be a stay of 90 days per year.

And guess what happens when you want to place that person in a nursing home or transitional housing? They see the person has a history of violence and they say, "Nope. He's not nursing home material. We have defenseless elderly people here. We cannot take someone with a history of violence." In transitional services they say, " We cannot subject our other patients to a violent person. Some of our patients are fragile and our workers are not able to subdue a violent person."

Happened to my in-laws. They used to take vacations every year from their son by putting him in a large psych unit. His insurance covered 3 months a year.. Sometimes they'd put him in for one month, three times a year. Sometimes for two months, then one month later in the year. Sometimes for the whole three months at one time. In order to get him in the hospital, there had to be a reason, so they would tell the doctors that their son pushed his father into the wall, or that he threatened harm or that he hit his mother.

When the mother decided it was time to permanently place him in a nursing home, they said Nuh Uh. Not ever. He has a history of physical violence which caused him to be hospitalized on multiple occasions.

by Anonymousreply 1301/05/2013

Wow, R13. A relative was placed in a psych ward for a year because he drank out of a stranger's house spigot.

The mother spoke to the judge.

by Anonymousreply 1401/05/2013

Where I live, there are a lot of group homes. I think generally they're for people who are non-violent. I know a man who retired when his autistic son became too difficult for his wife and the schools to handle. The last time we talked, they were moving to Colorado because there were facilities for him there.

by Anonymousreply 1501/06/2013

R4, what types of institutions or 'homes' exist for the type of person you describe?

by Anonymousreply 1601/06/2013

I wish it would be realized that not every human life is a precious gift. Some are mistakes that should never have happened. Some are curses on their families and the world.

It's the religionists that spew the "all lives are precious" crap...send them to live with them!

by Anonymousreply 1701/06/2013

R16 here. I was directing my question to R5 (not R4)

R13, your post doesn't make sense. Nursing homes are for people who have medical problems or are on their way to dying.

Nursing homes are not for the autistic or long term developmentally disabled.

You must be thinking of psychiatric wards of hospitals.

by Anonymousreply 1801/06/2013

My cousins daughter, who is a year and a half old. She was just diagnosed with autism. Any ideas of what to expect? Can they learn to function in normal life?

by Anonymousreply 1901/06/2013

I am 45, I've yet to do that. Normal life...what is that?

by Anonymousreply 2001/06/2013

Grow up, R20. The "there is no normal" crap is idiotic. Here' a hint for you...

Normal = not rubbing your feces on the walls as an adult.

You should go volunteer at a facility for the severely disabled and see how you feel after that. And, before you say in your next post that you already do that or work with them every day, I'll pre-emptively state that I don't believe you.

R19, it depends on a ton of different factors. There's a huge range of behaviors that won't manifest themselves for years for her. She could end up able to live on her own, she could end up banging her head on the wall and screaming incessantly. You can't know yet.

by Anonymousreply 2101/06/2013

OP is a troll.

by Anonymousreply 2201/06/2013

R19, plus, she was very young being diagnosed autistic, that's a bit of a rush. I know the new wave is to diagnose young, but a 1 1/2 years old is too young! The child is still developing. Most often, I come to find out that children who are diagnosed that young are misdiagnosed.

OP, if the child is school age, they should have an IEP. The Team (parents, school, and state mental health department) should be working for placement, if the child is not successful at home AND school.

I'm thinking this child does not appear to be able to benefit from counseling, they would probably try a few things like Applied Behavior Analysis or send in a behavior coach.

Feces smearing tend to occur in individuals with low IQs or who are mentally disturbed.

If this child is low functioning, I would also involved your state's regional center. They would be able to provide a behavior coach to the home.

Together, as a team, now meaning Regional Center, (if the child qualifies for their programs) there should be a plan to eliminate the behaviors.

The school would not necessarily be interested in the home behaviors. They are focusing on child's learning and functioning at school. However, the Regional Center and Mental Health would be, so you need to get them involved.

That would help this child and her family a lot.

If all else fail and EVERYONE agrees, then the school and your state's Mental Health agency would suggest residential placement.

Parents will be giving away some authority, but they will be involved as long as they stay part of the therapeutic process.

Residential placement is the last resort, and it's often a place no one wants to go. However, if it is best for the child then the girl's family, school, regional center, and mental health agency need to show that everything has been done for the child.

by Anonymousreply 2301/06/2013

What age were you when they put you away, OP?

by Anonymousreply 2401/06/2013

R23, so 'residential placements' exist these days?

What kind of facilities are they?

by Anonymousreply 2501/06/2013

The town I went to college in had group homes for the severely mentally disabled - one of my friends had a part time job working in one. The three I saw were large ranch style houses in residential neighborhoods.

by Anonymousreply 2601/06/2013

The scenario R13 describes happens all the time. I work in a peds psych unit (kids under age 12) and parents dump their children in our unit all the time by lying (usually say the kid has tried to hurt/kill a younger sibling). These kids come us us, nonverbal and incontinent, unable to perform ADLs, and 90% of the time we find them to be docile and able to learn simple words and basic feeding/grooming/toileting. The parents are either too lazy, overworked or have too many other children to put the time into teaching these special needs kids. I feel very sorry for the overwhelmed, overworked parents (usually single moms) but a fair number use our facility as free babysitters while they party or travel. Sometimes they retrieve them (when they find out how many city and state services available to them) but mostly they put them up for placement. That means they stay months and months because there are so few places to care for them long-term.

More than 50% of our patient population are autistic or mentally retarded and in no need of psych treatment but there's nowhere for them to go.

In my experience, autistic kids tend to self-harm rather than hurt others, but many do get violent when they hit adolescence and the hormones go crazy; then placement is even more difficult.

by Anonymousreply 2701/06/2013

I work in the disability field in Australia, primarily with adults with intellectual and dual disabilities (including mental health issues) and many of those are profoundly autistic.

Previous policy was to institutionalise children from a very young age (my parents were advised to do so at my birth due to birth injuries I had sustained that they thought would cause lasting impairment) and those parents who chose to keep children at home had to do so with very little support. We, as in many other countries, have gone through a period of deinstitutionalisation, and now it is government policy to not build residential services for minors. Parents who in previous generations had little choice but to relinquish a child with a disability now find that it is near impossible to get a placement outside the home when behaviours of concern or an inability to cope make it necessary. Respite places are exceedingly short. We have clients whose parents had no choice but to effectively abandon them in hospitals in order to get them some support.

Having worked with some incredible people who happen to be disabled (one of whom became a dear friend outside of my role as a support worker until her passing) has not blinded me to the incredible stress it can entail. Many marriages fail. Siblings can be really short changed. I have been injured a number of times. It is easier to cope with a concussion or a dislocation when you know you can go home at the end of th day to peace and not having to care for anyone until the next shift. I don't honestly know that I could do that in a parental role, with no breaks.

by Anonymousreply 2901/06/2013

R28, you're a moron.

by Anonymousreply 3001/06/2013

Fuck you r28. As an aunt of a genuinely odd kid it's shits like you who make life difficult. To be honest my sister is 'off' and always has been. As such her husband is also 'off' and of course their kids are. However, their son is developmentally disabled, but improving. Both his parents are odd but clever. I'm interested to see how he turns out. He seems a pretty happy guy for the most part. I hope he can make some friends.

by Anonymousreply 3101/06/2013

The autistic needs to be kept away from guns, for certain.

by Anonymousreply 3201/06/2013

R4, you are correct.

Very few people could afford to "put away" a severely disabled/mentally impaired child.

These children are now growing up to wrongly become part of the criminal system. I had a friend with a brother (now an adult) with paranoid schizophrenia who has attempted to murder his parents seven times. They cannot institutionalize him permanently due to cost and they refuse to press criminal charges.

Mental health issues are at a crisis level in the country, but care is not available.

State institutions, where the severely and chronically mentally ill should safely be housed, now stand empty across the country.

We can mainly thank the republican party Ronald Reagan for disassembling the mental health care system in the USA and putting mental patients on the streets and in prisons.

Please stop disrespecting homeless people in America because almost all of them are mentally ill, even though the official figure is about 40%.

Many people do not consider alcohol and substance abuse/addiction as mental health problems, but they most certainly are.

Like HIV/AIDS, this is a problem that will not got away. Unfortunately, I have no constructive suggestions -- psychiatrists who typically charge $300 an hour and live privileged lifestyles are certainly not going to start working for a living wage or volunteering on a large scale.

by Anonymousreply 3301/06/2013

Luckily I live in a country where guns are very obscure. I know it sounds awful, but if things go bad, my nephew is likely to just hang himself.

by Anonymousreply 3401/06/2013

"Many of these severely autistic kids attack their parents, teachers, etc. once they reach adolescense"

ROFLMAO. The vast majority of autistic people are not violent at all.

"The autistic needs to be kept away from guns, for certain."

Wow, the ignorance on this thread is just astounding. The VAST majority of people who use guns to hurt or kill others are not autistic. Maybe you should go to a prison some time and interview the people who are serving time for murder. You'd find that hardly any of them are autistic. Most are just assholes. 90% of murderers are men, but no one ever says all men should be banned from owning guns.

"I thought autism was one of those PC, made-up diagnoses solely for parents to be able to blame something external for their poor parenting skills. Like peanut allergies."

Autism has nothing to do with bad parenting. Neither do peanut allergies. But people who whine about "PC" are usually Rush Limbaugh fans who aren't too bright. Seriously, you think peanut allergies are caused by bad parenting?! People have died from eating peanuts.

"Normal = not rubbing your feces on the walls as an adult."

Well, the vast majority of autistic and otherwise disabled people don't rub their feces of walls. Where do you people get some of this stuff? In the past people would have said that normal means having sex with and dating people of the opposite sex, not people of the same sex. As gays we have been persecuted for being different, so you'd think some of us would be more tolerant of disabled or mentally ill people but apparently that's not the case...

by Anonymousreply 3501/06/2013

So what are you suggesting, R17?

Something like this?

by Anonymousreply 3601/06/2013

just for clarification, smearing feces on the wall is bad, right? but what about throwing it at someone?

by Anonymousreply 3701/06/2013

[quote] There still are facilities for the criminally mentally ill (formerly called criminally insane) but I'm not sure what exists for the severely disabled.

Nursing homes, basically. I drive past one every day where the severely disabled young inhabitants are lined up in their wheelchairs awaiting school buses to take them somewhere.

by Anonymousreply 3801/06/2013

They are just lazy, shiftless spongers.

Or, you could say in a civilized society, as Sweden is (tho it's changing for the worse), these people are to be cared for according to their disabilities in a humane way.

Not for them. Because that is what civilized is, right? For ourselves.

by Anonymousreply 3901/06/2013

Autistics do not rub or throw feces around--the smell alone would be too offensive to them.

Anti-socials throw feces at prison guards, smear shit on wall in public parks, etc. They are gang members, mostly.

In the gang world, throwing shit at people and smearing shit in public restrooms is a way of showing up "the man" and that you are disrespecting society. It is a way of marking their territory, so to speak, like a wild animal would.

Autistics can be controlled with meds and a lot of quiet time. Unfortunately, most come from chaotic homes where there is little quiet or relaxation.

by Anonymousreply 4101/06/2013

When they start spilling secrets overheard at the dinner table.

by Anonymousreply 4201/06/2013

You're forcing me to search boing boing again and I have to take the dog for a walk.

by Anonymousreply 4301/06/2013

While I agree that Adam Lanza had more wrong with him besides autism, Nancy Lanza was an idiot for making Adam listen to all of that gunfire noise. He probably heard gunfire in his head all day long.

Again, autistics cannot be exposed to loud noises--it sets them off.

by Anonymousreply 4401/06/2013

R35, it's evident that you are the only person on this thread who has the slightest idea what an autism spectrum disorder really is. The rest of you, please stop spreading misinformation and hate. Autism therapies are by no means perfect, but things are definitely getting better. Early intervention is the key. Eighteen months is by no means an inappropriate age to diagnose, as someone suggested, because "the child is still developing." The issue is that the child is not developing typically...that's the whole point. The sooner they are diagnosed and behavioral and educational intervention is started, the better the outcome for the child. I've seen some kids at the school I work in make some remarkable progress. For a group of people who should know how awful it is to have misinformation spread and intolerance shown to them, somehow I expected LGBTQ people to be a little more understanding of other's differences.

by Anonymousreply 4501/06/2013


Rose Kennedy had nothing to do with Rosemary's permanent institutionalization and lobotomy. Papa Joe had that done while Rose was out of the country. Beautiful Rosemary was not disabled or retarded as widely reported, either.

by Anonymousreply 4701/06/2013

Poor Rosemary was lobotomized for having a temper and rebelling against her father.

I'm sure his molesting her had nothing to do with it at all.

by Anonymousreply 4901/06/2013

Maybe just a little true, r49.

by Anonymousreply 5001/06/2013

[quote] People with disabilities are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators-

Ain't that the truth!

by Anonymousreply 5101/06/2013

I know of one case, several years ago, where the child was put up for adoption. I wonder how often that happens.

by Anonymousreply 5201/06/2013

I think, OP, you should educate yourself a little on autism and perhaps give a bit of thought to human compassion and perhaps parental love. Civil societies stopped locking up and putting handicapped people away long ago.

by Anonymousreply 5301/06/2013

[quote] Civil societies stopped locking up and putting handicapped people away long ago.

That was our first mistake.

by Anonymousreply 5401/06/2013

My former bf's mother gave birth to a girl late in life ("last egg in the carton") in the early 60's; he was an only child until then. The infant was born essentially a vegetable, being able to breathe on her own as I understand it, but that was about it. The mother did her best to look after her for the first couple if years, but eventually the father put his foot down, and had her placed in a sort of "foster home" where a woman made money by changing and feeding these kids. The girl died around age five.

My parents currently know of a couple with two kids - an older "normal" girl, and a very severely disabled boy, who will never, ever be able to remotely fend for himself. The mother is a South American Catholic who can deal with this as "God's will" in a suffering martyr-ish way, while the father is a New England Yankee with his own issues. The daughter's grades slumped, etc. since this all happened. Surprise ... not!

by Anonymousreply 5501/06/2013

R55. So, the takeaway from your story is that the rights of the disabled child to a loving family (though it sounds as if "loving" is questionable here) should be outweighed by the "normal" child's need to boost her GPA? Yes, studies show that family dynamics are often complex and vexed when there is a child with a disability--the nondisabled children often resent the attention the disabled child receives, and so forth. But it seems to me that what is called for then is counseling for the family and planning ways so that the nondisabled child receives her needed attention and affection, not simply warehousing the "inconvenient" child.

On the other hand, if the parents, after doing their best, simply feel unequal to the task, perhaps placement in assisted living or a foster situation (or even adoption) might be best--though it should be no surprise that such children tend to die younger than their equivalents raised in their birth families. Emotional neglect can lead to "failure to thrive."

by Anonymousreply 5601/06/2013

Put them away immediately, at a facility that at least has a decent jukebox.

by Anonymousreply 5701/06/2013

r48, and all the other people on this thread who are sainting the disabled are full of shit.

Speaking of which, autistic kids can be violent and some do smear feces. The latter were all young, so maybe they weren't diagnosed properly.

I've known several people over the years who either worked with them in schools (teachers, SEAs) or cleaned houses that had autistic kids.

Of course it's not all or even most ASD kids, but moderate debate and calm reasoning don't prevail here.

by Anonymousreply 5801/06/2013

I have bipolar disorder. I know damn well that without my access to meds, supportive family and friends, willingness to take care of myself, and a steady job I would most likely be homeless. I agree with the previous poster that most of the homeless are mentally ill. I live in an area with a lot of homeless people and it's pretty obvious.

by Anonymousreply 5901/06/2013

Do they have homes to "put away" idiots?

If so, I nominate OP.

by Anonymousreply 6001/06/2013

Did anyone read "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks?" The story of her daughter, Elsie, was just horrifying. The Hospital for the Negro Insane sounds like the saddest place on earth.

by Anonymousreply 6101/06/2013

[quote] So, the takeaway from your story is that the rights of the disabled child to a loving family (though it sounds as if "loving" is questionable here) should be outweighed by the "normal" child's need to boost her GPA?

Anyone who uses the term "takeaway" should be taken away.

by Anonymousreply 6201/06/2013

The people on this site are outrageous.

by Anonymousreply 6301/06/2013

R63 -- oh my, YES!!!

by Anonymousreply 6401/06/2013

What don't some of you get about there being a difference between a disabled person who can live on their own enough to work at Lamb's Farm and the violent, shit-smearing, uncontrollable people OP is asking about?

"Society has not figured out how to balance the rights of PWDs with public welfare/responsibilities/respect, but that's society's problem, not that of PWDs."

Oh god, is this an often used abbreviation or did you just use it for brevity? PWDs? Ridiculous.

by Anonymousreply 6601/07/2013

[quote] Eighteen months is by no means an inappropriate age to diagnose, as someone suggested, because "the child is still developing." The issue is that the child is not developing typically...that's the whole point. The sooner they are diagnosed and behavioral and educational intervention is started, the better the outcome for the child. I've seen some kids at the school I work in make some remarkable progress.[/quote]

A severe disability is not hard to shake.

More than likely the child made remarkable progress due to the fact that he or she was never autistic in the first place.

Professionals in my field have been so quick to diagnosed that they over-diagnosed in fear or hopes that the child can get some type of services.

Sometimes, children do not all develop at the same rate. It does not mean that there is something wrong with them.

As a result, the DMSM (a journal of mental health) had to revised their criteria for autism and make it more stricter.

by Anonymousreply 6701/07/2013


[quote] so 'residential placements' exist these days?

What kind of facilities are they? [/quote]

It varies from state to state, the situation (foster and etc.), age, and disability.

I suggest if you need help with a child to start with the child's school and or Regional Center.

by Anonymousreply 6801/07/2013

My cousin is severely disabled after a hit-run accident when he was 11. He is now 48 and living with his parents who are in their late seventies. He outweighs them and is taller than them. What happens when he has a seizure and they are unable to pick him up? What happens when one of these frail old people dies and somewhere has to be found for a physically and mentally disabled man who has only ever lived at home? There has to be some alternative to living with parents until the parents die. How distressing will it be for him trying to establish a whole new life in his fifties? Sometimes there is a place for institutions or supervised living houses

by Anonymousreply 6901/07/2013

Yeah right, kind of like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

by Anonymousreply 7001/07/2013

No, R67. I believe the children I referred to are actually on the autism spectrum. One in particular I was thinking of is still basically non-verbal, but can now communicate with the assistance of a computer. She has demonstrated a good grasp of math,and is making progress in other educational areas. This is a child who was dragged kicking and screaming into the school in kindergarten, and has some extremely inappropriate behaviors...i.e., attempting to take off all her clothing in the classroom. She now has some speech, can make eye contact for limited amounts of time, and is able to do school work on the computer. The flapping, spinning, outburts, and lots of the trademark signs of classic autism are still there, though. Just because they're making progress doesn't mean autism has been "cured" or was never there in the first place. It just means we're doing a better job of managing her symptoms and behavior.

by Anonymousreply 7101/07/2013

[quote]more stricter

Oh dear!

by Anonymousreply 7201/07/2013

Define "put away."

by Anonymousreply 7301/07/2013

Drama much, R60? Aspergers isn't remotely like some of the tragic disabilities being discussed here. So you're kid is socially awkward. So what. Deal. He isn't throwing shit at people. Stop putting yourself in the same category with desperate elderly parents who are basically living with the mental/emotional equivalent of an adult orangutang.

by Anonymousreply 7401/07/2013

I think a lot of people who have knowledge of autism spectrum disorders were offended by OP's post because he singles out autism. He mentions it twice, and once even says he's surprised more parents of people with autism don't murder them. That's what got people up in arms about ASD's, and yes, Asperger's is one of them. OP wasn't just talking about any severe disability. He made a point to say he had a problem with people with autism.

by Anonymousreply 7501/07/2013

R61, yes I loved the book, yet of course I was also deeply disturbed by it.

by Anonymousreply 7601/07/2013

Umm, r75, the OP mentioned autism because s/he is talking about the severe form of the disorder.

The term "autism spectrum disorder" lumps the severely disturbed in with higher functioning people. (I've been told this is to accommodate school boards who need a diagnosis in order for special funding/individual student plans to kick in.)

ASD is a new term, and a lot of people are used to using separate terms (like Asperger's) to distinguish them, with autism reserved for serious (or real, depending on your perspective) cases.

by Anonymousreply 7701/08/2013

[quote]ASD is a new term, and a lot of people are used to using separate terms (like Asperger's) to distinguish them, with autism reserved for serious (or real, depending on your perspective) cases.[/quote]

No, Autism spectrum is not a new term. It's as old as the hills.

What it means is that these disorders fall under its umbrella: Asperger (which will now be no longer used; it'll simply be autism), Pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS), Autistic disorder, Rett syndrome (rare, and Childhood disintegrative disorder (rare).

R71 Yes, then what you have described is an autistic child. I think what you mean as early intervention of a Kinder-aged child is good a one thing. Heck, I think you can start as early as three, but I had a problem with you cosigning to diagnosing an 18-month baby as autistic.

R72 My bad! Believe me, I do know the usual patterns for forming comparatives and superlatives, but I'm going to blame it on the late night surfing.

by Anonymousreply 7801/08/2013

r78, it's new in common usage. The change is in the latest DSM.

by Anonymousreply 7901/08/2013

It's not just disabled children- it can be an adlt with ALZ- Two of my best friends from college have a severly autistic child- he is 18 now- taller than both of them-they have worked so hard for years to keep him at home. But they are sleep deprived and often exhausted. I think they are saints. I have a friend who had early on-set ALZ- her kids were not their for her. Several of her friends and I worked hard for nearly two years to help her stay in her home-connected with her life's activities, home maintenance ( her children had neglected it- major problems) and there was no lack of money-family trust. Was not redecorating was severe water damage- bathroom ceiling at the point of caving in etc.

Her kids were just a bunch of selfish middle aged brats. The 4 of us eventually wore out. The youngest daughter who viseted for 2 hrs a day once a year- said- she could do a better job- so I said ok. She lasted 3 weeks. Then drove her mom to North Carolia to her brother's. Left her there. Helasted less than one week.

Drove her back to Florida ad dumped her at her elder sister's home and left within two hrs.

Btm line- My friends lawyer and the trustee for the trust-came thru and portected our fried. We got her into a nice samll ALZ facility. She has 24 hr skilled care now-whichis what she needs. Unfortuanetely our friend can no longer speak. But we know she is safe and well cared for.

Meanwhile her kids-have to deal with their own actions and behaviors.

by Anonymousreply 8001/08/2013

I had my 85 year old mother put away, she wasn't even mental. I just kept putting NyQuil in her coffee.

by Anonymousreply 8101/08/2013

I wish someone would put down Max in "Parenthood".

by Anonymousreply 8201/08/2013

I've worked with severely disabled kids and adults for years as a private caregiver and an educator. Severely autistic kids are the worst--whether they are violent or not. I've actually never worked with one who is violent, but I know that they are out there. Let me tell you about two severely Autistic kids in my class right now. Both are completely non verbal. One does a couple of sign language gestures, but not always appropriately. Neither can communicate much of anything. Kid number one is obese, 15 year old. Constantly puts everything in his mouth whether it is edible or not. Also will strip naked if allowed. Will not wear shoes. Spits constantly. Rolls on the ground, screams, and pounds on things endlessly. Refuses to do any kind of work. Cannot read or write. Kid number two is 18. He will only eat chocolate or chips. Plays with food and rolls it into little balls. Does the same with his shit and boogers. Constantly masturbates and molests women within arms reach. Runs away as fast and as far as he can go the second the opportunity presents itself, so has to be held onto outside constantly. Babbles, bounces, and flaps hands constantly. Ten minutes around either of these two is exhausting. Can you imagine being with them 24/7, for the rest of their lives? There's nowhere else for them to go, since they're not violent. So this is what their parents have to deal with untl they or the child dies.

by Anonymousreply 8301/08/2013

R83, I could not deal with that behavior for 1 hour, much less a lifetime. Can the parents give up their rights and sign them over to the state? I am not trying to be cruel, but this is beyond what most people could handle.

by Anonymousreply 8401/08/2013

Can't they be sedated, R83?

by Anonymousreply 8501/08/2013

R83 those boys could be put to good use as dancers on the Marilyn Manson tour.

by Anonymousreply 8601/08/2013

I keep reading OP's title as "put down" and yet, because this is DL, I find nothing unusual about it.

by Anonymousreply 8701/08/2013

[R83] here.I think that the parents have tried different meds but they didn't see the results they wanted. They are both sweet and happy guys. Lovable, despite all their flaws. Good looking also (not that it matters.). Both can be in educational programs until they are 22. After that, it's the family's responsibility to care for them. They do get money for it though--which can be spent on caregivers.

by Anonymousreply 8801/08/2013

Michael Cremo is an author whose books illustrate that the human race has actually de-evolved from what was a higly developed species a few million years ago *he is vedic Hindu* and the proof of that is our common primate behavior that we exhibit.

These autistic boys are acting like apes, letting their inner-monkey all hang out, reminding us that humans are de-evolving before our very eyes.

by Anonymousreply 8901/08/2013

R84, when it's your child, I believe you make every effort to keep them at home. You do whatever it takes.

by Anonymousreply 9001/08/2013

You could stick an ice pick in his eye and wiggle it around. My parents did that to me and it shut me up for 60 years

by Anonymousreply 9101/08/2013

Yes Rosemary, and that icepick kept me from having to face child molestation charges.

by Anonymousreply 9201/08/2013

Honestly one of the reasons I don't want children is this roulette wheel. I've seen well-intentioned parents' lives ruined or semi-ruined because they were unlucky and ended up with a horribly disabled child. It is definitely not a "gift" to end up with a child like this!

by Anonymousreply 9301/08/2013


by Anonymousreply 9401/08/2013

R66 (or maybe it should be 666?): Yes, "PWD" is a commonly used term, used especially BY people with disabilities--just like PWA became a way of referring to people with AIDS (either that was before your time or, equally likely, you pay no attention to the world outside your little circle). It is part of what is called "people first language"--and, yes, I know you will find it tiresomely PC, but nonetheless, it is used in scholarly, professional, and political writing and speech.

There, you've learned something new today. No need to thank me--I'm sure it will go in one ear and out the other.

by Anonymousreply 9501/08/2013

R83 is on the money. Autism is a spectrum disorder, with Aspergers being on the higher functioning end. Those on the other end often display disruptive and antisocial behaviors that prevent them from leading any kind of normal life in a community. From my experience, most are not excessively violent but their behaviors and antisocial personalities are so odd as to prevent their inclusion in even the most mundane tasks of everyday living. This is especially true around puberty, but can continue on for many years. All severe autistics I have met fit this pattern and it seems in no way indicative of intellectual capacity. Virtually every severely autistic non-verbal I have known has appeared to have significant comprehension. It's a sad, complex disorder. I work with them every day. I'm glad I can go home

by Anonymousreply 9601/09/2013


[quote]it's new in common usage. The change is in the latest DSM[/quote]

Did you read your own link?

[quote]The goal of this, according to the APA, is to more accurately and consistently diagnose children as having "autism spectrum disorder," a term which is widely used by experts in the field today.[/quote]

Furthermore, that's not the reason the DSM did away with Asperger. It was done to give stricter criteria for qualifying individual as autistic and to use a number system to list the severity of Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1, Level 2, or Level 3.

by Anonymousreply 9801/10/2013

The wire hangers were the last straw.

by Anonymousreply 9901/10/2013

So sad some of these cases, but one can go to the Social Security Office and try to get some assistance for these people.

If they are adults, it's easier to get assistance for a severe disability, because it wouldn't be based on the parents' income. It would be based on the disabled person's income, which would probably be zero, since they wouldn't have a job.

When they're young, SSI is based on the parents' income and came be harder to get.

Still, I say if there's hope, but the parents have to let go. They can't do it all themselves.

by Anonymousreply 10001/10/2013

[quote] [R13], your post doesn't make sense. Nursing homes are for people who have medical problems or are on their way to dying.

Not anymore.

Not in my state.

Nursing homes take disabled people who are neither elderly or dying.

Schizophrenia is a medical problem, BTW. Particularly long-term schizophrenia. There's nothing "emotional" about it. It is treated with medication, not with talk therapy. Many schizophrenics and Alzheimer's patients behave identically. Schizophrenia is incurable. There is no really effective treatment. Doctors long ago determined there must be a medical basis for schizophrenia. Chemical imbalance, genetics, etc. It's long been shown to run in families.

An inherited, incurable, long term disabling disease is medical. Just like Alzheimer's, just like diabetes, just like arthritis.

If people with children who have an incurable, lifelong, medication-requiring, attendant-care-requiring diseases were smart, they'd start a national movement to dissociate their relatives from the term "mental illness." They'd take it to the supreme court.

by Anonymousreply 10101/10/2013

[quote]I'm happier to be a parent of my nonverbal, 10 year old, non potty trained, headbanging son than the parent of an uneducated and intolerant faggot.

Don't sell yourself short. I'm sure a gem like you can do both!

by Anonymousreply 10305/01/2013

Children who are irreparably flawed need to be removed from society for their own sake.

For example, if your child's hair gets bold and brassy when you take it up four or twelve shades, you just have to resign yourself to the fact that you are powerless to change such a sad genetic disability.

by Anonymousreply 10405/01/2013

R105. Make up your mind. Which are you?

by Anonymousreply 10605/01/2013

Can't you just have them put down instead of put away? That's what we did.

by Anonymousreply 10705/01/2013

"I'm the parent of a severely autistic child. Life is harder than I ever thought. But after reading some of these heartless and fruitless comments, I'm happier to be a parent of my nonverbal, 10 year old, non potty trained, headbanging son than the parent of an uneducated and intolerant Best mom there is"

So you're on this gay forum because... ?

by Anonymousreply 10805/01/2013

R108. Unfortunately, lesbians have children.

by Anonymousreply 10905/01/2013

[quote]I'm the parent of a severely autistic child. Life is harder than I ever thought. But after reading some of these heartless and fruitless comments, I'm happier to be a parent of my nonverbal, 10 year old, non potty trained, headbanging son than the parent of an uneducated and intolerant faggot.

r102, why would you purposely seek out "heartless and fruitless comments"? This thread had died 4 months ago until you bumped it up.

by Anonymousreply 11005/01/2013

"I sympathize with these parents and I am surprised more autistics are not murdered by their caregivers."

What a horrible, disgusting thing to say. You definitely have something wrong with you.

I've heard of parents who snap due to the pressures of caring for a child who has severe mental or physical disablities (not every child like this has autism) and commit a terrible act like murder. I know there are people who institutionalize their afflicted children. But most parents try to do the best they can for their kids. To be surprised that more parents don't MURDER their autistic kids shows that you have a very sick attitude. I hope YOU never have kids. You would be a terrible excuse for a parent.

by Anonymousreply 11105/01/2013

I wouldn't trade my autistic son for any of you assholes on data lounge!

by Anonymousreply 11205/01/2013
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