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I slept with Freddie Mertz and all I got were these hostess pants.

HOSTESS PANTS?!!? I got no use for those. I wanted a toaster!

by Anonymousreply 6803/31/2015

Why don't you wear them to all those chic dinner parties you go to?

by Anonymousreply 101/05/2013

She's just upset because I intimated that she was a little hippy... but on second glance she does have the biggest potamus I've ever seen.

by Anonymousreply 201/05/2013

They're a little tight. I can see your Lily of the Valley.

by Anonymousreply 301/05/2013

It's "Fred", cupcake. Get it straight!

by Anonymousreply 401/05/2013

Ethel used to scream out Ricky's name when Fred was fucking her.

by Anonymousreply 501/05/2013

Stop cackling, Marion! I've been waiting ten years for you to lay that egg!

by Anonymousreply 601/05/2013

I was Mistress of Ceremonies for the Senior Shenanigans at the Rappahanock School for Girls. So fuck off, Lucille.

by Anonymousreply 701/05/2013

What am I going to do with these fucking tickets to "Over the Teacups"

by Anonymousreply 801/05/2013

Take Nancy the harpist from your orchestra that you've been fucking for the past six months. Or maybe you'd like to take Grace Foster, whose pussy you used to pound when her husband was away.

by Anonymousreply 901/05/2013

Lucy you've been gosping again.

by Anonymousreply 1001/05/2013

Lemme tell you, when I'm fucking fat Freddy, you'll never hear me say "I have sufficient."

by Anonymousreply 1101/05/2013

I can give you more than "sufficient," Ethel Mae. If you remember, MY tag line was "Billy John Hackett, he never did lack it."

by Anonymousreply 1201/05/2013

R5

Complete lies.

Everyone knows Fred ball gagged Ethel. You could just tell he was into some freaky ass shit.

by Anonymousreply 1301/05/2013

Ethel come on over to my place for some hot scissoring action and a three way with Mr. Ritter.

by Anonymousreply 1401/05/2013

Was the waist to the hostess pants positioned four inches above the navel? If Fred bought them for you, I'd guess so.

by Anonymousreply 1501/05/2013

One night when I was on the fire escape, I spied Fred and Ethel going at it. He was fucking her with the cucumber Ethel had stolen from Miriam Hopkins' garden while in Hollywood and brought back to NYC.

by Anonymousreply 1601/05/2013

Lucy came up with the most interesting fundraising idea for the Wednesday After Noon Fine Arts League.

We're all going to spend our Wednesday afternoons turning tricks at $30 dollars a pop (so to speak)!

My apartment was chosen because since I had it done over in Chinese Modern, it will be easy to simulate the feel of an opium/den whorehouse, according to Lucy.

My whore name will be "Lillian."

I can't wait to get started!

by Anonymousreply 1701/05/2013

Don't forget that lovely trip to MN.

by Anonymousreply 1801/05/2013

Superman is coming to Little Ricky's party, Carolyn, so eat that!

Oh and I danced with Van Johnson.

by Anonymousreply 1901/19/2013

No, you vanced with Dan.

by Anonymousreply 2001/19/2013

You were never in "Oklahoma!"

by Anonymousreply 2101/19/2013

I top all of you. I have an authentic Richard Widmark grapefruit.

by Anonymousreply 2201/19/2013

This thread makes me want some hostess pants.

by Anonymousreply 2301/19/2013

WAX TULIPS!

by Anonymousreply 2401/19/2013

You're basically nude until he gives you the matching jacket with attached half-skirt. It camouflages the hips.

Better start sucking that dick like it owes you money, Ethel!

by Anonymousreply 2501/19/2013

R23, no CAFTANS for YOU!

by Anonymousreply 2601/19/2013

Well, Marian;...If that's the kind of hat you wanted, you sure got a good one!

by Anonymousreply 2701/19/2013

Please, bitch! You know you were DPed by Mertz and Kurtz.

by Anonymousreply 2801/20/2013

She saw them in Harpers Bazaar.

by Anonymousreply 2901/20/2013

Lucy wanted to get the toaster, but Ricky talked her out of it.

by Anonymousreply 3001/20/2013

Oh Lucy, I can't wear these hostess pants on the subway!

by Anonymousreply 3101/20/2013

Listen, Ethel, if I can wear a loving cup on my head on the subway, you can wear your hostess pants!

by Anonymousreply 3201/20/2013

"It's so tasty, too! Tastes just like candy."

-- Lucy after her first facial from Ricky.

by Anonymousreply 3301/20/2013

You'd never catch me in hostess pants. I'm Don Loper Original all the way.

by Anonymousreply 3401/20/2013

R34 You'll never catch me walking straight.

by Anonymousreply 3501/20/2013

Little Ricky: Cut or Uncut? Discuss.

by Anonymousreply 3601/20/2013

Cousin Ernie is NOT a fag!

And we're the dames who can prove it!

by Anonymousreply 3701/20/2013

Mama's little baby loves shortnin' shortnin'.

by Anonymousreply 3801/20/2013

Ethel Mae Potter, we never forgot her!

by Anonymousreply 3901/20/2013

Link please.

by Anonymousreply 4001/20/2013

Always remember and never forget that according to Ethel, Fred Mertz trained himself to do almost anything in under two minutes!

Ethel's motto: I may have to fuck him from time to time, but I ain't ever going to kiss him.

by Anonymousreply 4101/20/2013

Ethel never said the word fuck ... I seen every episode. Irregardless, people weren't that crass back then.

by Anonymousreply 4202/03/2013

Ethel Mae was a whore.

by Anonymousreply 4307/11/2014

And your check, Mrs. Hearst?

It's Mertz. You spell it with an M.

by Anonymousreply 4407/11/2014

It's not hostess pants. It's a piece of CHEESE!! And this is Robert Taylor's orange, though I have no idea how I got it!

by Anonymousreply 4507/11/2014

ETHEL: How are ya, Three?

LUCY I'm fine, Seven.

Ricky groans

LCUY: Five got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.

by Anonymousreply 4607/11/2014

I was wondering what happened to my grapefruit.

by Anonymousreply 4707/11/2014

Fred, I've got a confession to make. Remember when we got married and I said I was 18? I was 19.

Well, I've got a confession to make too. You were 24.

by Anonymousreply 4807/11/2014

r10

Oh great my conscious is a 'Spic.

by Anonymousreply 4907/13/2014

Mama's little baby LOVES shortnin' bread!

by Anonymousreply 5007/13/2014

I've had sufficient.

by Anonymousreply 5207/13/2014

How about a hostess pants-with-skirt ensemble, which Lucy was so fond of?

by Anonymousreply 5307/15/2014

I'd like the keys to the car, unless you need them to play a tune.

How about a chorus of "Cow Cow Boogie"?

by Anonymousreply 5407/15/2014

I'm getting sick and tired of being called a cow!

by Anonymousreply 5507/15/2014

What about me? I'm the one who had to sleep with the bleached-blond Godzilla. I should get a Congressional Medal of Honor.

by Anonymousreply 5607/15/2014

Pray tell what is the little habit that I have that sets your tith on etch?

by Anonymousreply 5707/15/2014

There never was a finer girl that came out of Kansas. I don't know where she is today and she don't know where I am, and that's exactly how I like it.

by Anonymousreply 5807/15/2014

Ethel to Tilly, Ethel to Tilly.

by Anonymousreply 5907/15/2014

[quote]HOSTESS PANTS?!!? I got no use for those. I wanted a toaster!

"Well Fred told me that but I couldn't believe (that) you would be that dull !"

by Anonymousreply 6007/15/2014

*Yawn* Cheaper to have the cheese be a baby than to have the baby be a cheese.

by Anonymousreply 6107/15/2014

"That will be ALL, Ethel Mae."

"You bet your sweet life that'll be all."

by Anonymousreply 6207/15/2014

Ethel Mae, will you please stop boring Miss Bankhead?

When Miss Bankhead is bored, Miss Bankhead will let you know!

by Anonymousreply 6307/15/2014

Was Bill Frawley gay?

by Anonymousreply 6411/20/2014

"well they certainly are bizarre"

by Anonymousreply 6511/20/2014

[You do realize that this is a troll, right? You might want to stop talking to it.]

by Anonymousreply 6603/10/2015

The boys are watching the fights again in the living room while the girls are stuck in the kitchen.

Lucy: Ethel, I'm revolting!

Ethel: Aw, honey, you're not that bad.

by Anonymousreply 6703/10/2015

OMG, they actually sold those same hostess pants. But those diamonds might have been slimming on Mrs. Mertz. The model doesn't have a little black off the shoulder blouse, a big crushy belt and little ballet slippers, it's a yellow blouse and sandals.

by Anonymousreply 6803/31/2015
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