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Ball-Gagged Priest Politely Calls 911 for Help After he Mysteriously Gets Stuck in a Pair of Handcuffs

The Illinois Times reports that a Springfield priest has taken a leave of absence after making a polite but oh-dear-so-nervous-sounding call to local police, seeking help after he mysteriously managed to get himself stuck inside a pair of handcuffs.

Tom Donovan also mysteriously managed to get his mouth obstructed with what the Times calls "some sort of gag," before making the call. He was having a very wacky day. You can listen to the call at the link (WARNING: It starts with a loud dial tone):

Throughout the ordeal, Father Donovan remains unfailingly polite to the 911 operator who takes his call.

"Hi there!" he begins. "I am stuh in a pah a hankuh!"

And again, when the operator cannot make out his words through the ball-gag:

"I. AM STUCK. IN A PAIR. A HANKUHS."

Donovan explains that the silly sexy mix-up happened when he was "playing with" the cuffs and that he just needs "some help getting out." Then he gives the rectory's address. "Is this a business?" the operator asks.

"It is actually, yoh!...Saint Aloysius!"

The dispatcher agrees to send help right away. "Ill be here!" Father Donovan promises, then, ever chipper, promises again. Because he is gagged and bound – where is he going?

He was granted a leave of absence (to practice his Houdini-esque feats of self-imprisonment?) just before Christmas.

by Anonymousreply 3301/20/2013

I don't understand why he didn't take the gag out of his mouth. He was able to use his hands to dial so sure enough he should have been able to use his hands to take the gag off?

by Anonymousreply 101/04/2013

Maybe he dialed with a pencil, R1.

by Anonymousreply 201/04/2013

He probably dialed it (pushed the button/buttons) with his nose

by Anonymousreply 301/04/2013

That will 3 Our Fathers, 5 Hail Marys, and one Act of Contrition.

by Anonymousreply 401/04/2013

I wonder whether they commented on his wardrobe choices in the police report. No pants seems like a giveaway.

by Anonymousreply 501/04/2013

I'm sure his hands were behind his back. So he could dial 911 but not take off the gag.

by Anonymousreply 601/04/2013

Not the first priest to take it in the rectory.

by Anonymousreply 701/04/2013

This will show up on SVU in three, two ...

by Anonymousreply 801/04/2013

Bless you Father, for you have SINNED!

by Anonymousreply 901/04/2013

Now we need a picture of him.

by Anonymousreply 1001/04/2013

Which is why 4 out of 5 priests prefer balls attached some a young boy.

by Anonymousreply 1101/04/2013

Ask and ye shall receive, R10

by Anonymousreply 1201/04/2013

The Church is worried about gay marriage? It should be more concerned about bad bondage.

by Anonymousreply 1301/04/2013

R12

Hm.. I'd definitely handcuff and gag him. But I'm also a whore.

by Anonymousreply 1401/04/2013

So tell us, Catholics, is this what gay men are supposed to do instead of getting married?

by Anonymousreply 1501/04/2013

Go ahead and hate the priests. It's so easy to do these days. This is a very common occurrence with many young priest who must prepare themselves for possible service in hostile countries around the globe. They are not supposed to practice getting out of handcuffs by themselves as a safety measure, but if something goes wrong and the police have to help, another person in the rectory only leads to speculation that there was more going on in Father's bed than practice of torture in foreign service.

People are even more cruel to these sensitive pre-saints, when they have problems whilst practicing smuggling techniques of religious relics by shoving them in their anus rather than allowing them to fall into heathen hands. Very few souls know of the hours of practice the priesthood requires of these saintly flexible men.

by Anonymousreply 1601/04/2013

For the love of god, is there no limit to the extremes these holy men will go for their captors and saviors?

by Anonymousreply 1701/04/2013

R16

Hahahahaha. Thanks for that.

by Anonymousreply 1801/04/2013

Now I understand why our parish priest acted like he did. He had a crucifix shoved up his butt all that time.

by Anonymousreply 1901/04/2013

This is a trick gone bad.

by Anonymousreply 2001/04/2013

Thank you, Jessica Fletcher.

by Anonymousreply 2101/04/2013

He's cute

by Anonymousreply 2201/04/2013

I just read that this pig supported the anti-gay marriage bill. Why am I not surprised?

by Anonymousreply 2301/04/2013

[quote]I just read that this pig supported the anti-gay marriage bill.

Link please, r23. I read that his boss, the bishopm, supported the anti-gay marriage bill. I'd like to see the claim that he also supported it.

by Anonymousreply 2401/04/2013

The Bishop of his diocese warned of "the intrinsic evils" in the Democratic platform this fall . . .

by Anonymousreply 2501/05/2013

Haha R16, you had me for a minute there!

by Anonymousreply 2601/05/2013

The old "tongue in cheek" torture technique has gotten more priest thrown out of the church due to having required the help of a willing partner or partners with which to practice. Mother Church has been unanimous in requiring the 'tongue in cheek' torture technique be practiced in solitary prayer mode. There have been countless knee replacements due to the rigors these dedicated men have taken upon themselves praising the Lord during tongue in cheek practice. One saintly father was defrocked for having used a communion tale instead of bearing the weight of the act on his person. Mother Church is very strict on enforcement of propriety.

by Anonymousreply 2701/05/2013

Strange that he had no friend that he could call. This happened in November but was obviously overlooked by the media at that time. Someone in the police department must have leaked the info for it to get picked up in the new year.

Since he had a gag in his mouth, it probably means his hands were cuffed behind his back. It would be interesting to read the full report to learn what he was wearing. Was he naked or wearing leather chaps? Were the nipple clamps in place?

by Anonymousreply 2801/08/2013

[quote]Was he naked or wearing leather chaps? Were the nipple clamps in place?

by Anonymousreply 2901/08/2013

The bishop isn't going to let this guy back into being a pastor at parish. He's got too much baggage now.

by Anonymousreply 3001/10/2013

r3, you really missed another pencil-shaped digit joke there.

by Anonymousreply 3101/11/2013

r21 answers that other post about who's better known: Angela Lansbury or Patty Duke.

by Anonymousreply 3201/11/2013

How does he explain the nipple clamps and leather harness to the people in his parish?

by Anonymousreply 3301/20/2013
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