R6 (and OP), please don't get discouraged. I know it's hard - I've been there. I used to hate myself. The way I looked, the fact that I had no discipline or self control, that I told myself everyday that TOMORROW I'd start over... of course tomorrow came and went over and over.
One day I finally hit rock bottom. I was sick of it. My weight had not only affected me on the outside, but also on the inside. I became defensive, cranky, mean, negative .. and it was hard for me to be happy for others and their success. I was miserable, and made everyone else around me miserable. I wouldn't be photographed, and missed a lot of events because I hated the way I looked. I isolated myself and became very lonely.
Then, I realized I only had one life, and the clock was ticking.
I MADE myself go to the gym. I hated it. But it worked. I still don't "love" it, but I love how I feel after a workout and I love what it has done for me. (down 75lbs and have kept it off for 5 years and counting). I still go to the gym 5 days a week because I love the way I look and feel, and want to keep it that way!
You MUST be serious about your eating and working out. Give it 6 months of commitment.
What worked for me:
Workout 5 days a week. 30-45 minutes of cardio and then lift for an hour (alternate muscle groups). 1800 calories a day. Chicken, turkey, vegetables, fruit, egg whites, Greek yogurt, oatmeal, whole grain bread, lots of home made vegetable soup, brown rice..
Please do this for yourself - it is life changing.
Check out this link below - put in all of the info, click submit, and you will see how much you will weigh each day from now until the end of the year. Don't like what you see? Then lower your daily caloric intake or exercise more, then try it again with different values.
If you have any questions, I am happy to help.