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Ohio Student Wins Stalking Order Against Extreme Helicopter Parents

A 21-year-old theatre student has obtained a civil stalking restraining order against her parents after convincing a judge that they attempt to control all aspects of her daily life.

Aubrey Ireland is a gifted theatre major at the College-Conservatory of Music at the University of Cincinnati, often winning major roles in her school's musicals. Her latest win wasn't at her prestigious music conservatory, but in court after she filed a civil stalking order against her parents. Earlier this month, Common Pleas Court Judge Jody Luebbers ruled in her favor, ordering that her parents must stay at least 500 feet from their only child until September 2013.

"They basically thought that they were paying for my college tuition and living expenses that they could tell me what to do who to hang out with ... basically control all of my daily life," Ireland told ABC News.

The dean's list student's complaints against her parents began when she realized they'd installed monitoring software on her computer and her phone. They paid unannounced visits, traveling 600 miles from their home in Kansas, to meet with Aubrey's department head.

They also accused their daughter of promiscuity, doing drugs, and having mental issues to the point where they were considering going to court to order that she get treatment.

"My mom has always been very overly involved," Ireland said. "I would have to get on Skype all the time to show them that I was in my dorm room, or there were nights I had to leave my Skype on all night and my mom would watch me basically sleep."

She claims her parents, David and Julie Ireland, have been diagnosed with co-dependency disorder. Her parents, however, say their daughter is just a good actor, and is lying. They said she is "an only child who has been catered to all her life."

Because Aubrey has cut all ties with them in a very public way, they now want a refund of the $66,000 they've already paid toward her education.

"We're not bothering her," Julie Ireland said. "We're not a problem."

But Aubrey said that taking the issue to court was a last resort.

"I never wanted this to happen, that's the last thing I wanted," she said. "But I wasn't in control of my life at all anymore. I knew that they were holding me back emotionally, mentally, and professionally and that it got to the point where that was basically my last option.

Psychologists say boundaries can be tricky for parents with college-age children.

"I have no idea whether she is mentally ill, nor if the parents have any problems that may lead to the type of behavior that is described," Dr. Gail Wyatt told ABC News.

"What do you do when a person is 21 and you're still concerned about the well being of your child? If your child has a mental health problem you are still responsible for that child, even though they are 21 years old or 25 years old."

by Anonymousreply 4312/29/2012

Her parents are nightmares. Installing monitoring software on a 21 year old's computer is just beyond ridiculous.

by Anonymousreply 112/28/2012

She's going to graduate and get a cruise ship job out if the country. Then see if they can stalk her.

by Anonymousreply 212/28/2012

Reading the story, I'm totally on the student's side. Hope she lands on her feet after graduation.

by Anonymousreply 312/28/2012

They'll be on Dr. Phil in 3...2...1...

by Anonymousreply 412/28/2012

"Don't be so quick to jump on the bandwagon supporting this girl. The bigger picture is not known. She IS an actress and performers are known for their narcissistic personality disorders."

You warn against jumping to conclusions than suggest that her being a performer might well indicate a narcissistic personality disorder.

The irony! The irony!

by Anonymousreply 612/28/2012

Apparently the college and the courts thought that the student was right in her assessment of her parents. In the previous year the parents were denied entry to her performances by the college. They were also invading the privacy of any student she was conversing with, interacting with, living with etc. The college acted appropriately, and I bet that they were the ones who set her up with an attorney.

by Anonymousreply 712/28/2012

I'd be interested in finding out more about her parents. They seem to have been excessively preoccupied with her sexual purity. Monitoring via Skype to make sure she's in her dorm room? Installing spying software on the phone and computer?

It wouldn't surprise me if daddy banged her when she was younger/

by Anonymousreply 812/28/2012

The college also gave her a full scholarship for her final year, so they were keen on keeping her.

by Anonymousreply 912/28/2012

[quote]I'd be interested in finding out more about her parents. They seem to have been excessively preoccupied with her sexual purity.

A recipe for her to end up 'on the pole.'

by Anonymousreply 1012/28/2012

She put up with their rules through the time they were paying. Seriously, how many 17-20 year old women dutifully turn on their Skype every night so her parents can monitor her activity until the next morning like she did? She's on scholarship now and the parents were still trying to breathe down her neck, hence the petition. The parents were also becoming nuisances on school property.

Anyway, once she starts working she can send payments toward the the debt she owes them. They chose to behave badly so there were consequences.

by Anonymousreply 1212/28/2012

[quote]The parents were also becoming nuisances on school property.

Their behavior certainly must have been excessive for the school to have taken action against them.

I can't imagine the parents have cause to require her to repay her education costs. If that wasn't an agreement the parties made, it seems doubtful they can retroactively demand payment because she isn't playing by their rules.

All of their behavior appears to be the opposite of loving parents. She's well rid of them.

by Anonymousreply 1312/28/2012

Or acting in bad productions of Oklahoma.

by Anonymousreply 1512/28/2012

[quote]There's a miniscule possibility that they were trying to protect us, the population at large, from a future murderess bent on a killing spree.

By making her leave her Skype on while sleeping, so to be sure she is not indulging in any co-ed sexytime? And showing up unannounced on campus repeatedly, harrassing her professors/deans? Right.

by Anonymousreply 1612/28/2012

Agree with everyone saying there is no way they can now play indian giver with the tuition they already paid. If that were the case parents could hold tuition over their adult children's heads for the rest of their lives. As soon as you don't do everything they want, they slap you with a lawsuit for tuition they paid 20 years ago? Uh uh. Not gonna happen.

I'm sure there are plenty of witnesses to testify to these kooks and their out of control helicoptering. Roommates, boyfriends, friends who all must have been like, "WTF is wrong with your parents?" I'm sure she has thousands of emails and texts from these sickos too if they were this controlling.

by Anonymousreply 1712/28/2012

R5, installing monitoring equipment on her computer is enough to set off alarm bells that could be heard in Africa.

by Anonymousreply 1812/28/2012

King Kong knows how to deal with helicopters

by Anonymousreply 1912/28/2012

Makes you wonder if there was some sort of abuse in her childhood. I used to work with a girl whose father would check up on her at work unexpectedly and always picked her up and dropped her off. She was about 20 or so and the vibes I got was that he was sexually abusing her and not about to let go easily. A lot of times the mothers are so passive they let it happen.

by Anonymousreply 2012/28/2012

[quote]A parasite doesn't make rules for the host.

Tell that to my dad and his controlling second wife.

by Anonymousreply 2112/28/2012

[quote]now play indian giver

Jesus, is it 1920?

by Anonymousreply 2212/28/2012

It's very telling that CCM already blocked her parents from attending their daughter's shows. Do you know what it would take for a school to actually take that step? A lot. It would require absolutely insane behavior from the parents for a school to block them from seeing their daughter perform.

by Anonymousreply 2312/28/2012

No, R23, it just takes a restraining order.

by Anonymousreply 2412/28/2012

I'm glad it worked out for her, and I'm sure this was a real situation (not engineered in order to get college to pick up the tab). But, now that it's in the news, it is quite a precedent for other parents wondering how to ease the tuition burden:

(1) Easy, just act like total wack-job dangerous stalker parents

(2) College will step in and pay for your child's tuition

by Anonymousreply 2512/28/2012

I had a roommate who had a similar step-father, r20, which is why I wondered if the father had been banging her at r8.

She was a roommate my first year of grad school. She was Nazarene and he was a deacon back in her hometown. He seemed to call a lot, which I thought was odd, but that's it. Anyway, she found a boyfriend (she was 22) and all hell broke loose. She and the boyfriend were chaste during the time that all of this occurred, mind you. Step-dad had the property management of our apartment complex open our apt. for him under some ruse and poked around the whole place looking for evidence of sexual intercourse. I'm not kidding you. He went on to accuse her of fornication because, get this, there were two pillows on her bed: a twin loft bed with about three feet of head space. He also followed her around town. She broke off all ties with him and got married about a year later.

A few years later, I had dinner with her and she admitted that the step-father had molested her and a sister. He also effectively drove a wedge between her and her biological father. Step-dad and mom made up some fiction about how the father had rejected her, blah, blah, blah, when he had been trying to contact his daughters for years. The mother was totally passive and dependent on the pedophile Nazarene deacon.

by Anonymousreply 2612/28/2012



by Anonymousreply 2812/28/2012

That happened to a friend, R26. Her father had sex with her as far back as she can remember. When she was a teen, she finally put a stop to it. Her mother got involved belatedly, supporting her both financially and emotionally while she went through intensive therapy. When her father tried to get her declared incompetent and himself declared her guardian, that's when her mother finally stopped him. The father was a wealthy man who had protected his assets from his family; that's how he controlled the mother.

The last time I heard from my friend was a couple of years ago. She was living in Humboldt County and smoking lots of dope. It seemed to help.

by Anonymousreply 2912/28/2012

Someone on Gawker summed the whole situation us as "When Helicopter Parents Get Shot Down."

by Anonymousreply 3012/28/2012

I had to check the link to convince myself that this story wasn't from The Onion.

by Anonymousreply 3112/28/2012

Parents have to be truly bothersome to get barred from events or school property. When I was in high school, a place that welcomed parent involvement, my friend's mom was banned for a time because she repeatedly showed up on campus to pester teachers and deans and even bothered them by calling them late at night.

by Anonymousreply 3212/29/2012

R32...RESTRAINING order. Gee whiz, Mary!

It's a sad situation all the way around. The girl's parents are clearly seriously disturbed. Yet so is she...she complied with their wishes. I hope somebody gets her into some serious therapy, she's desperately going to need it. Even then, children tend to get serious personality disorders from parents who have them, and personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat.

by Anonymousreply 3312/29/2012

What are the odds that this girl will be able to earn a living in the theater, and from right out of college?

And if not, will she be able to stay away from the toxic nutballs who want to control her with money.

by Anonymousreply 3412/29/2012

I think there are a few things going on here:

1) Way too involved with an only child - it's the only thing keeping the parents together and their constant source of communication. They'd talk about her so much they'd work up some story in their head and then off they go to "save her".

2) They misread some "crazy" posts on FB and she's made some "liberal" statements and friends.

3) Religious nuts who think a) theater world is full of crazies and b) she's going to be recruited into some crazy world in the big city (I know it's just Cincinnati, but...).

She ain't never going back to Kansas - evah! Who could blame her though?

by Anonymousreply 3512/29/2012

"the debt she owes them"


What debt would that be? Unless she signed papers it was a loan, the parents have no legal leg to stand on asking for that money back.

by Anonymousreply 3612/29/2012

I don't know if these people are fundies, but it sure seems that way. Judging from the Dominion Wackiness Troll's threads, a lot of their kids take up music careers "professionally" that is they play the fundie concert/church circuit. The more well off families start their kids on lessons young so they can make music to glorify God and if it turns into a career glorifying God, well great.

This girl is probably quite talented to have gotten into the school. Usually, these folks go to Christian colleges where their behavior is controlled, to an extent, by their setting. I suspect the parents expected her to take this route, and when she chose a secular institution, albeit one with an excellent reputation, they went bonkers. They lost control and tried their shenanigans to police her purity (come on, installing software that tracked all the keystrokes she made on her computer and phone?! This is NSA shit.)

I really hope she recovers from having grown up in her parents' household.

by Anonymousreply 3712/29/2012

She'll regret this,

by Anonymousreply 3812/29/2012

I think she should have just brought a guy home and fucked him on camera while her parents were watching. That'll teach them not to be so nosey.

by Anonymousreply 3912/29/2012

[quote]Psychologists say boundaries can be tricky for parents with college-age children.

My parents had no boundary issues, and I'm sure many others didn't either. I left for college. They missed me, but knew I was going out into the world. We'd talk to each other about once a week (this is before email, texting, etc. 1991-1995). They were supportive, but not overbearing.

I know a lot of parents pay a shit ton of money for their kids' activities and education. But, the idea that they could get a refund is absurd. Basically, it's what you sign up for by having kids. Only if the kid signed a contract with the parents after becoming a legal adult would there ever be a chance of getting money back.

I feel sorry for this woman.

by Anonymousreply 4112/29/2012

[quote]Again, an entitled little bitch who can't stand on her own two feet and LOVES all the attention.

She's "entitled" simply because she accepted tuition and got fed up with their shit?

Even if she is "entitled", are they no still crazy?

by Anonymousreply 4212/29/2012

Thumbs up if you had t Google Nazarene!

by Anonymousreply 4312/29/2012
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