Serving up this steaming pile of
Celebrity Gossip
Gay Politics
Gay News
and Pointless Bitchery
Since 1995

"The Anne Hathaway Program"

I'm trying to develop a TV project for my client Anne. Could you contribute some scenarios for a hit series to debut next Fall? I'm out of ideas.

by TIAreply 3112/27/2012

She should just start subbing for Jimmy Fallon whenever he goes on vacation.

She'll open with some jokes, sing a little, fawn over guests, go out on the street for man-on-the-street interviews...

Delish!!!

by TIAreply 112/25/2012

Sean Hayes as the gay brother!

by TIAreply 212/25/2012

A reboot of the Mary Tyler Moore show. Same characters. Same setting. Same situation. New jokes and news stories.

It would be a sensation!!!

by TIAreply 312/25/2012

It will be filmed in black and white. The set should resemble a fashionable prewar apartment done in the chinoiserie or japonais style. Anne will enter the stage from a pair of grand double doors, as if just coming home from the theatre, or possibly from a sweeping spiral staircase. Elfin publicist Stephen Huvane will remove her gloves and wrap, revealing a stunning vintage gown, and, as Anne pats him on the head, the orchestra will strike up "I Dreamed a Dream" while the title sweeps across the screen in a retro-60s font (whatever they used for Bewitched title). The announcer should also have a retro-feel, maybe Gary Owens if he's still alive. After the guests are announced, Anne will make some light banter with the studio audience, and then introduce her sidekick, Matthew Bomer (or, if they can't afford him, her gay brother), who will escort her to the interview area, where Anne will eschew the traditional desk for a Louis Quinze fainting couch.

In addition to the standard celebrity interviews, "The Anne Hathaway Programme" will also feature dramatic readings, short plays, pantomime, opera, ballet, musical instrument solos, and segments on fine living, all starring Anne. The highlight of the program will of course be Anne's performance of "I Dreamed A Dream," done just before signing off. Before each performance Anne will tug at her ear and then tell the audience that she is tugging at her ear to thank her mother, who played Fantine in Philadelphia.

After the song, the audience will applaud ceaselessly while an adorable child dressed as Gavroche (Huvane can stand in if the child is sick) brings Anne a bouquet of long-stem roses. As tears stream down her face, Anne will remind everyone that she *is* living her dream, and the applause will become deafening.

Then, as she makes her way to exit stage left, Anne will flash her minge.

by TIAreply 412/25/2012

Off the Rack (2014)

When Beatrix van den Heuvel (Jean Smart), the world-renowned buying director for Brettons, succumbs to ovarian cancer, the fashion industry is abuzz with rumors of who will take her place. Insiders are confident it will be Sebastian Correl, Bea's loyal assistant (who served as the acting director throughout her illness). However, things take a turn for the interesting when the CEO of Brettons Inc (guest starring David Strathairn as Addison Morrison)appoints his mistress, Kara Levin(Anne Hathaway), as the luxury department store chain's new buying director.

Kara is ambitious, but charming; gorgeous (according to the producers) but accessible; shrewd but compassionate...she's a quintessential New Yorker who was born on 3rd but thinks she hit a triple.

by TIAreply 512/25/2012

When the patriarch of a family winery dies from a heart attack, his wife is overcome with grief and their eldest daughter steps in to run the winery...

by TIAreply 612/25/2012

And that would be the Anne Hathaway Programme...

by TIAreply 712/25/2012

She's really going to be a camp staple for future gays, isn't she?

by TIAreply 812/25/2012

The story of a vain, wash-ed up Broadway Diva (named Anne, who people keep calling Annie) who peeked at age 9 playing "Annie", and who lives in NYC in a rent-controlled, surprisingly spacious flat in Chelsea.

All Anne/ie wants is a comeback role in a Neil Simon penned musical, that she hopes will be semi-autobiographical. Working title: "Little Girls" and will star all former Annies and lay out their sad lives post-stardom.

Her next door neighbor is a gorgeous male dancer named Zach who is zany, sexy and always dating the wrong man! They are some-times besties.

Anne/ie actual best friend Amanda Levin is a 40 something socialite who resides on the Upper East Side, comes from money, married money and dabbles in producing, flower arrangements and trying to get her name in the papers.

Amanda's husband, Ethan Levin is a playwright/movie director who's heart is in the Big Apple, but who's fortune comes from directing teen angst horror/slasher films that all seem to cross into the softcore porn genre. Much to the chagrine of his uptight, semi-orthodox Jewish mother named Shelia played by the Valerie Harper.

Anne/ie's nemesis is the one actress from "Annie" who really hit it big -- Sarah Jane Pinsky (played by real Broadway legend, and former Annie star, Andrea McArdle)

by TIAreply 912/25/2012

Anne reprises her role as Lureen Newsome. One day while shopping in NYC, she encounters a shopgirl named Alma Beers played by Michelle Williams. There is an immediate connection and they move into together. They buy a hole in the wall bar and turn it into Lureen-Alma's Bar for Women Who Love Too Much. Each week they have a special guest star going through a very special situation. Special guest stars include Tyne Daly, Julie Kavner, Elisabeth Moss and Taylor Swift.

by TIAreply 1012/25/2012

Love it R10.

by TIAreply 1112/25/2012

r4 gets 7/10, r5 gets 6/10, and r9 gets 9/10.

r4 gets the real (public) Anne the best, but he wasn't as elaborate as r9.

by TIAreply 1212/25/2012

[quote]In addition to the standard celebrity interviews, "The Anne Hathaway Programme" will also feature dramatic readings, short plays, pantomime, opera, ballet, musical instrument solos, and segments on fine living, all starring Anne

R4 forgot to mention frequent guest James Franco. They wanted him as a regular for the various performances, but he was too busy.

by TIAreply 1312/25/2012

A spirited gal who has a hard time keeping her gash under wraps. It's called Anne's Gash!

by TIAreply 1412/25/2012

R8 My theory is that the gay cabal that runs Hollywood has been grooming an unwitting Anne to become the next camp icon, to replace an aging Nicole Kidman. Amy Adams almost fell into this trap but wisely started avoiding cartoon-female roles and now has the enviable, versatile career that she has. Poor Anne will never be able to live this year down and will only be offered hyperbolic female roles from now on. I guarantee you, she will play Mama Rose before she's forty.

by TIAreply 1512/26/2012

My script would be where she is a serial killer stalking fags on Data Lounge.

by TIAreply 1612/26/2012

Anne reprises her role as Lureen Newsome. One day while shopping in NYC, she encounters a shopgirl named Alma Beers played by Michelle Williams. There is an immediate connection and they move into together. They buy a hole in the wall bar and turn it into Lureen-Alma's Bar for Women Who Love Too Much. Each week they have a special guest star going through a very special situation. Special guest stars include Tyne Daly, Julie Kavner, Elisabeth Moss and Taylor Swift."

With a recurring cameo appearance by Nathan Lane as Ennis.

by TIAreply 1712/26/2012

Can somebody explain DL's current obsession with her to me? What is it based on? What are her (or her roles') characteristics that are being parodied in this thread? I don't get it.

by TIAreply 1812/26/2012

A young actress very successful on television quits at the height of her career determined to make a go of it on the big screen. But her collapse is guaranteed when her schlubby agent (John Goodman) tells her "listen Kid, you've got a Nicole Kidman motor in a Christina Ricci chassis, but this season everybody's looking for a Jennifer Lawrence ignition with an Uma Thurman interior". Out one night with supportive friends telling her how much better she is than a panoply of contemporaries getting movie roles she should get, it's discovered that she is an expert impersonator. This leads to a series of misadventures being booked inadvertently booked as a mime instead of a mimic, looping for guest stars (Claire Danes, Katie Holmes among others), fraudulently doing cartoon voiceovers supposedly provided not by her but her old friend Mattie (an overworked huge star played by Anna Farris), boyfriends who want her to talk dirty but with Alicia Silverstone's voice, etc.

by TIAreply 1912/26/2012

Anne will play identical twin cousins: one girl who longs to be a boy; one boy who longs to be a girl. Let's just call them Cathy and Pat for argument's sake. Hijinks ensue when Cathy dresses up like Pat and Pat dresses up like Cathy.

by TIAreply 2012/26/2012

r15 I've thought the same thing myself the past few months. The Huvanes are doing her no favors.

by TIAreply 2112/26/2012

[My theory is that the gay cabal that runs Hollywood has been grooming an unwitting Anne to become the next camp icon, to replace an aging Nicole Kidman.]

It's not official until Anne does her version of FUR. Can't wait!

by TIAreply 2212/26/2012

In collaboration with OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) Anne Hathaway will produce and star in a series of news specials that will feature people going through issues that Anne has dealt with in her real and "reel" life. Scheduled topics include: addiction (Rachel Getting Married), crime (The Dark Knight Rises and her convict ex-boyfriend), eating disorders (Anne's kale dust and oatmeal paste diets), etc. Anne will be providing commentary, film clips, and many of her celebrity friends.

The first episode will deal with gay marriage and will feature clips from Anne's role in Brokeback Mountain, Anne will interview her gay brother and straight ally friends and co-stars Hugh Jackman and Stanley Tucci.

by TIAreply 2312/26/2012

Seriously, I think Anne would be great in a drama show. Special guest star on Dexter?

by TIAreply 2412/27/2012

Seriously, I've never seen Anne be great or even good in anything. Bland, bland, bland, that's all I ever see.

by TIAreply 2512/27/2012

[quote]It's not official until Anne does her version of FUR. Can't wait

Haven't you seen the pictures? Anne doesn't have much fur at all.

by TIAreply 2612/27/2012

I liked Fur...am I the only one?

by TIAreply 2712/27/2012

Hope you all had a Meryl Christmas!

So sad it's already over, but 'Osage County' is coming out next year... more Meryl times awaitig us!!

by TIAreply 2812/27/2012

Yes, r27. You are the only one.

Not only that, but you are also the only one enjoying any of the many other film flops of Scientology-enabler Nicole Kidman.

She's wildly overrated, a freak off-screen, her films are boring, and any other actress that potent as box office poison would have been shown the door a long time ago.

Enough with her already.

by TIAreply 2912/27/2012

Put her in a reboot of the forgotten sitcom The Hathaways. Through the miracle of CGI, Anne can play all three of the Marquis Chimps.

by TIAreply 3012/27/2012

She's our generation's Judy Garland.

Deal with it bitches! You'll have to pry the limelight out of her cold dead hands before she stops singing and dancing and twirling and smiling and laughing and emoting and projecting and swooning for all the world!

by TIAreply 3112/27/2012
Loading
Need more help? Click Here.