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At my weekly 1:1 with my boss today he told me I looked unhappy

He knows I was angling for a promotion and didn't get one -- he said he felt bad about it (wasn't his choice) and that he recognizes that I feel stifled. Corporate mavens, how can I use this to my advantage? I don't want to come off as the workplace pouter, but if he feels sorry that I was let down, I'd like to somehow try to angle for something else -- a raise etc. He knows I work hard and says he appreciates what I bring to the team but can tell I've been "sad" lately.

How can I play this to my advantage??

by Cuberreply 4912/15/2012

Do you want to borrow my shit bra?

by Cuberreply 112/12/2012

"You don't seem happy here" is what they say before giving you the boot, ostensibly freeing you to seek happiness elsewhere. Yes, it's passive-aggresive. So start yukking it up and pasting on that fake smile if you want to stay employed.

by Cuberreply 212/12/2012

Miss, with all due respect I have my own problems.

by Cuberreply 312/12/2012

OP here. He straight out said that they want to keep me as long as possible but recognize that I need a career path. I don't think he's trying to grease the wheels to fire me (at least I hope not, since I haven't done anything to warrant that). Any other advice?? Thanks.

by Cuberreply 412/12/2012

OP, you misunderstand. That was both a kiss off, an apology of sorts, and a warning

Your response for now should be, "Of course I'm disappointed. But there'll be other opportunities. As long as you know how hard I work and how effective I am, I'm OK for now."

Your Boss was placing the burden of forgiveness and assent on you. He wants to you go along with the program. Maybe he really is disappointed. But if he really is, it is also an acknowledgement that he has no clout since you were overlooked and since he disagreed with the decision.

He's uncomfortable and it won't take a nanosecond for him to go on the offense. This is not a good time to pout. This is the time to put on your "Brave face" and demonstrate that you are Soldiering On.

by Cuberreply 512/12/2012

Thanks for the advice r5.

by Cuberreply 612/12/2012

Continue to do good work. It is not your job to look cheerful, but to do your work effectively. Try to make sure that he or someone in your department knows when you are going above and beyond. Its as simple as sending an email and bcc'ing him on it. That is a good way to leverage yourself so they will run out of bullshit excuses as to not give you more money. Look for another job if you continue to get passed over. Being consistent in the quality of your work is the most important thing in any job because it will open doors in your future.

by Cuberreply 712/12/2012

Next Step:

by Cuberreply 812/12/2012

Thanks R8. How about a NSFW warning next time, idiot.

by Cuberreply 912/12/2012

OP, the only way you can work this to your advantage is to get out there and get a job offer at a different company.

Quit moaning and complaining and get off your ass and do something!

by Cuberreply 1012/12/2012

"Thanks [R8]. How about a NSFW warning next time, idiot."

How about getting back to your useless job while you still have it, cunt bucket?

by Cuberreply 1112/12/2012

R11? Never heard of lunch time and breaks, asshole?

Of course you haven't. Part time burger-flipper comes with no benefits.

by Cuberreply 1212/12/2012

Thank you r8! That was really nice.

Op, he was telling you that he gets it, sorry you're bummed, get over it...we have workto do.

Again, r8, thank you!

by Cuberreply 1312/12/2012

LOL @ R11

by Cuberreply 1412/12/2012

Yes, R9, because links on DL **ALWAYS** go to places like this.

by Cuberreply 1512/12/2012

"He straight out said that they want to keep me as long as possible but recognize that I need a career path."

Maybe I am mis-reading it, but this sounds like a kindly warning that your job is in jeopardy. Combined with the "unhappy" observation, the comment that you need something the company may not be able to provide (a career path) could mean you are being set up for dismissal. And "as long as possible" - that's practically telling you to start looking for another job right now.

This is an HR technique known as "The Velvet Boot": it's kind of like breaking up with somebody using the "It's not you, it's me" tactic.

by Cuberreply 1612/12/2012

R16 nailed it.

by Cuberreply 1712/12/2012

[quote] he told me I looked unhappy

[quote] but can tell I've been "sad" lately.

[quote]I don't want to come off as the workplace pouter


by Cuberreply 1812/12/2012

I had a similar situation once.

Four days into a job, my boss's boss's assistant quit. I applied for the job, but was given the bullshit excuse that I couldn't transfer until I had been there six months. It was obvious discrimination (I'm a strong minority in that field), but I wasn't litigious back then. Instead, I sucked it up at my job, but what I *should* have done was quit on the spot at the interview (so I wouldn't be transfering), then leave altogether if I didn't get the job.

I wound up leaving the job but was slowly being pushed out down the road, mostly for the same stereotypical reasons I had not been promoted. Once I left I found work very easily. I don't know if your situation allows you to do that, but it definitely wouldn't hurt to look elsewhere. On the other hand, if they fire you, you can get unemployment for like EVER.

The best thing to do if you want to stay is just do your job and blend in. If they want to continue on this path, they'll build a paper trail they think isn't obvious, and you'll have plenty of warning signs. The other deterrent is if they were to push you out, the other workers might wonder if they are next.

On the upside, it's possible your boss was afraid you'd quit. The "as long as possible" remark might have referenced an assumption that you were on your way out yourself.

by Cuberreply 1912/12/2012

Your other problem is working for the slimeballs in corporate America in the first place.

You didn't care when they threw me under the bus, and now they might be doing the same to you, so why should I care?

I found my own way without that culture, and I rarely associate with anyone who works in it. My life is filled with interesting, honest, creative people I could trust with my life. Is yours?

by Cuberreply 2012/12/2012

[quote] It was obvious discrimination


by Cuberreply 2112/12/2012

Well! Smell you Miss R20. You sound like as asshole

by Cuberreply 2212/12/2012

If the boss couldn't get you the promotion, probably can't get you a raise, either. Usually in a big company the raise "pool" is set at a certain percentage--and to get a good raise you practically have to have pushed small children out of the path of speeding automobiles while bringing in lots of $ for the company. If you complain/pout and/or make noises about leaving, you risk the boss saying "Well, don't let me stand in your way. As you say, your career path is limited here and as much as I like working with you, I can't stand in the way of a better opportunity."

by Cuberreply 2312/12/2012

If your boss can tell you are sad, or not happy - You're fucked.

by Cuberreply 2412/12/2012

"You don't look happy" is a corporate euphemism for "So I'm going to help you be happy by firing your ass so you can be happy elsewhere." Sorry, OP, but that's how it is.

I had somebody tell me in their office right before they laid me off. In reality, that was a horrible place to work, and nobody in the entire company was happy as far as I could tell, because our boss was a sadistic asshole, but the main reason I was "unhappy" is because I knew they were going broke and couldn't make payroll without a bank loan. What a coincidence, huh?

by Cuberreply 2512/12/2012

At next week's meeting take a proactive approach: Say that you are a goal-oriented person and ask the boss to help you identify what you need to do to get promoted. The boss likely can't promise you a raise. However, if you can demonstrate you have met the requirements at the next promotion time, it will be more difficult for you to be denied advancement. As your meeting with your boss draws to a close, spring to your feet and launch into Donald O'Connor's "Make 'em Laugh" number from "Singing in the Rain."

by Cuberreply 2612/12/2012

The writing is on the wall. Start looking for another job.

by Cuberreply 2712/12/2012

But I have not posted in this thread, well, up to this point, R22.

by Cuberreply 2812/12/2012

My boss likes to check me out, but he treats me like shit. I'm confused. I thought being ogled came with benefits.

by Cuberreply 2912/12/2012

Just change your attitude. You'll be fine.

by Cuberreply 3012/12/2012

OP, you are fantasising. They're telling you to move on.

You probably excel in some mediocre capacity but have failed to progress further, probably because you don't play a good social game.

Your failure to read the signs accurately will only lead them to fire you themselves, probably watching you like a hawk so they can exploit even minor infractions.

Good luck.

by Cuberreply 3112/12/2012

Did anyone yell, "Dead man walkin'!" after your review?

by Cuberreply 3212/12/2012

You in danger, gurl!

by Cuberreply 3312/12/2012

I knew a girl who was told that she didn't look happy at work.

And then she was fired.

by Cuberreply 3412/12/2012

lol @ R15

by Cuberreply 3512/12/2012

op, how can you be so naive?

by Cuberreply 3612/13/2012

I think people in this thread are being a bit harsh on the OP. Bitter much.

by Cuberreply 3712/13/2012

R5 said it best.

by Cuberreply 3812/13/2012

Forget you're troubles and just get happy. Chase all your cares away.

by Cuberreply 3912/13/2012

I always work like Cuber 2.0 is waiting in the wings.

by Cuberreply 4012/13/2012

OP? Did you get "laid off" yet?

by Cuberreply 4112/13/2012

[quote]It was obvious discrimination (I'm a strong minority in that field), but I wasn't litigious back then.

You sound like a dream employee. I can't imagine why you don't ALWAYS get what you feel ENTITLED to?

by Cuberreply 4212/13/2012

OP here. Thanks for the well-meaning advice. Boss actually took me aside today and told me about another internal opening on his team and suggested I go for it, so while i don't think I am in danger of getting canned, I understand I need to act happy in my current gig for as long as possible. So I sent him an email thanking him for the lead and promising to give 100 percent in the meantime. It wasn't like he called me into his office yesterday to say "You seem unhappy here." It just came up as an aside in a longer convo, like, "You have seemed down lately."

Anyway - long story short, thanks, and I hope to retain my cube for now.

by Cuberreply 4312/13/2012

Good luck on the opening, OP/R43

by Cuberreply 4412/13/2012

[quote]So I sent him an email thanking him for the lead and promising to give 100 percent in the meantime.


by Cuberreply 4512/13/2012

Good luck OP. In the meantime, do work out a career path, either on your own or with him. Ask what you need to do to bring you to the next level. It sounds like you've probably gone as far as you can in your current position and he knows you'll get bored eventually.

by Cuberreply 4612/13/2012

WEEKLY 1:1!?!?!

Get out, OP.

Get out now.

by Cuberreply 4712/14/2012

R31's fibro quakes bring down local property values.

by Cuberreply 4812/14/2012

I've gone the cube route & just couldn't do it.

by Cuberreply 4912/15/2012
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