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How do you manage your sex life?

This is a question primarily for middle-aged (or older) gay man who are single, or attached but in ope relationships. How do you manage your sex lives? How do you find sex partners?

I'm 46, still in relatively good shape and relatively handsome. I'm mostly a top, but my penis may as well dry up and fall off for the lack of action I've been getting lately. When I was younger there was no shortage of sex partners. But now I'm lucky if I get laid once a month. I've decided this must stop and I need to have more sex. I'm a man. I have needs.

How do you conduct your sex lives? Do you have regular sex buddies? Hook up online? Go to the baths? Jerk off alone?

I used to have one or two sex buds but those relationships always ebb and flow. Eventually we get bored with each other and it fizzles.

I have all the hook up apps on my iPhone. Grindr, Scruff, ManHunt, and Squirt. They're all kind of fun in their own way but I rarely end up actually hooking up with anyone. And when I do meet someone it's inevitably disappointing. They look nothing like their pics and aren't nearly as fun as they appear.

Now, the baths. I've been to Steamworks in my city and I have to say that I have had the most luck hooking up here. There's something really practical and matter of fact about places like this. Everyone is there for the same reason and wants it at the same time. Convenient. No muss, no fuss. Now if only I can get over the ickiness factor that I feel after I leave.

And for the record I'm healthy and always play safe.

Frankly I'm a little surprised that sex is so hard to find these days. It used to be everywhere.

by Anonymousreply 7812/11/2012

A lifetime of a few regular repeaters. Some as long as 20 years. Now and again one moves away and I hook up with another. You may not like this qualifier. I live in an Army town, most are active duty or retired. Many are married.

by Anonymousreply 112/10/2012

Go To The Baths

Website below to navigate through the hallways

by Anonymousreply 212/10/2012

With my right and/or left hand.

by Anonymousreply 312/10/2012

I'm 47, work too much, and am not in good shape or physical condition (not fat, just don't exercise and am a bit flabby).

I don't have sex.

It's that simple.

I masturbate to porn.

Done and done.

by Anonymousreply 412/10/2012

R4 what about the physical contact. You don't miss exploring one another's bodies, the kissing, the intimacy?

by Anonymousreply 512/10/2012

Go on silver daddy to hook up with young, needy twinks.

by Anonymousreply 712/10/2012

Am 71. Usually have a steady paid companion who I am fond of but not in love with. The sex is highly charged and the company fine.

by Anonymousreply 812/10/2012

I was wondering when someone would call me a slut.

This isn't about being a slut. It's about having regular sex. People who have or want sex aren't sluts. They're normal human beings.

Or has Datalounge been taken over by nuns?

by Anonymousreply 912/10/2012

[quote] Or has Datalounge been taken over by nuns?

OP, get back to Briarcliff!

by Anonymousreply 1012/10/2012

OP, you're not a whore, darlin.

You're just vapid and shallow.

by Anonymousreply 1112/10/2012

I'm in the same boat, OP. I often get comments about being handsome so you'd think it would be easier to find sex. I've tried online sites but it's almost always disappointing in the end and not worth the time. Most of my friends are couples who socialize with mostly couples so I rarely meet single guys.

Mostly jack off. That's about it!

by Anonymousreply 1212/10/2012

I'm 52, very handsome (I have been told) and financially well off. Recently widowed after a 21 year relationship. I'm currently in hibernation mode. I don't know how to date in this new era and am a bit scared about how to do it when ready. Yes, I know about the online sites and apps, but they are not for me.

OP, you get action once a month? Good for you. It's been more than 8 months for me. I'm no longer interested in hook-ups (NTTIAWWT). That was in my youth. I used to be a slut.

Right now, managing my sex life is watching porn and jerking off. I go to a lot of GLBT events for professionals to network (on the professional side, and I don't mean Rentboys), but almost everyone I meet is partnered.

R5, yes I miss all the things you mention.

by Anonymousreply 1312/10/2012

What sex life?

by Anonymousreply 1412/10/2012

" penis may as well dry up and fall off …."


by Anonymousreply 1512/10/2012

Right, r16. Partnered guys couldn't possibly be leering, hideous, or old.

by Anonymousreply 1712/10/2012

You forgot the hissing, R16.

by Anonymousreply 1812/10/2012

I'm with OP and R12. After my second attempt at a LTR crashed and burned I decided to give up seeking a relationship and instead have hooks ups and occasional dates. What a disaster! The guys my age almost never fulfill the promise of their on-line profiles or pictures. The older ones really want a relationship and waste no time getting clingy. And dont get me started on the younger ones! Its really not worth the drama, the hassle and the effort to be let down time after time. It blows. I am in the best shape I've ever been, look the best I have ever looked and get hit on pretty regularly and I cant even get a blow job with out having to deal with so much bullshit. 2013 is going to be the year I go celibate.

by Anonymousreply 2112/10/2012

Yes, R23 I would suspect my standards are high but settling for something that I have little interest in in the first place has never been my style. I wouldn't want to be with someone who only chose me because they had nothing better going on, so why would I do the same to another? And no, I dont expect to get the same sort of hotties I got when I was in my 20s. Actually, what I was pulling in then were just average guys which is fine because I'm for the most part just average.

by Anonymousreply 2412/10/2012

So will you, sweetheart R25, so will you.

by Anonymousreply 2612/10/2012

I probably will R25 and I'm actually ok with it unlike you who seems very scared of such a possibility.

by Anonymousreply 2712/10/2012

R28, what fairy tale are you living in. If you're lucky there will be NO ONE around when you die because you will have outlived everyone. Who the fuck wants to be the first to go with a bunch of "loving family and friends" around? Not me.

And how do you know R27 doesn't have a bunch of family and friends himself? He's talking about partners, not family and friends. Get over yourself.

by Anonymousreply 2912/10/2012

R28 You're trying very hard, but your insecurities are coming through loud and clear. The fact that you "hope" someone will be there when you kick says it all. As far as reconsidering what you have said, sorry old man, but you're not the boss of me. Besides I have thought about it and I have come to the conclusion that whatever I feel once I am dead is pretty silly seeing how I would be, well you know, dead.

You are the only person who is guaranteed to be with you for the rest of your life. Embrace it, because it's true.

by Anonymousreply 3012/10/2012

The essence of DataLounge is to be found in this thread.

by Anonymousreply 3112/10/2012

[quote] And while I'm single at the moment, I've had several LTRs in the past and hope to have another one soon.

Wow, who would ever guessed that? How can one, at the tender age of 41 have had SEVERAL LTR? Not a few, or one or two, but several? What do you consider long term? Six weeks? And seeing how many failures you have had only reinforces my desire to ignore whatever "wisdom" you feel compelled to share with us.

[quote]I'm sorry some of you are so damaged and have such toxic relationships with your families that you don't have anyone in your lives who truly loves you

No one here has said anything even remotely close to that. Where you got it from is mystery. Of course everything you have written so far screams projection, so that probably is the answer. The fact that so much of what you hope for depends on other people and not anything you can achieve on your own tells a real lot.

by Anonymousreply 3312/10/2012

Ummmm ... wow ... OK.

Sorry I asked.


by Anonymousreply 3412/10/2012

[quote] what my life at 80 or 90 decades after I've retired.

Wouldn't you be like almost 1000 years old by that point?

by Anonymousreply 3612/10/2012

Poor OP. He posted a thread, hoping for some useful responses. If course it turned into a nasty flame exchange between a couple internet vipers, blame and shame from others, and a few decent responses.

by Anonymousreply 3712/10/2012

R37, what did you expect. This is DL. There are a few thoughtful threads, but not many. A lot start out serious, but they get derailed by trolls posting from their mother's basement sitting in their underware.

by Anonymousreply 3812/10/2012

"underware" -- snort!

by Anonymousreply 4012/10/2012

Sue me for the typo.

by Anonymousreply 4112/10/2012

'K r41 --

Alert your attorney to be on the lookout for papers from mine at Dewey, Cheatham & Howe.

How much $$$$ you got, Stud Hoss? Need to know how much to tag you for.



by Anonymousreply 4212/10/2012

R40, you must be new here. The correct response is "oh, dear."

by Anonymousreply 4312/10/2012

Gay men kiss?


by Anonymousreply 4412/10/2012

It can be difficult. I was in a LTR for 13 years, mostly single for the last 8 years. I also have not found someone I clicked with despite dating around. Since my LTR, the longest I've dated someone is 5 months. Usually it just peters out by then. So, I've gone the route of online hook ups in between and occasional fuck buds, but the sex is sporadic. Luckily I'm not as horny as I was when I was younger. More often than not, I'll jerk off. I definitely miss the intimacy of the LTR, not to mention the more frequent sex!

by Anonymousreply 4512/10/2012

[quote][R37], what did you expect. This is DL. There are a few thoughtful threads, but not many. A lot start out serious, but they get derailed by trolls posting from their mother's basement sitting in their underware.

NYStud, posting on "DataLounge get your fix of gay gossip, news and pointless bitchery."

by Anonymousreply 4612/10/2012

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 4712/10/2012

Call it slut or regular sex, the problem many gays have when they turn into old men (around 40?) is that if they've devoted themselves to the market mentality, the market is a cruel mistress and there's less opportunity for them to get laid because they are no longer a valuable commodity.

Worse, the boyfriend market is dried up too. All the good ones are generally taken past a certain point.

by Anonymousreply 4812/10/2012

[quote]the problem many gays have when they turn into old men (around 40?) is that if they've devoted themselves to the market mentality, the market is a cruel mistress and there's less opportunity for them to get laid because they are no longer a valuable commodity.

Speak for yourself...I've got an 8x7" DICK.

by Anonymousreply 4912/10/2012

Where are the hot daddies who usually come around to say they have to fend off young guys with a stick?

by Anonymousreply 5012/10/2012

Excel always worked for me.

by Anonymousreply 5212/10/2012

R46, did you think I was here for intellectual stimulation?

by Anonymousreply 5312/10/2012

[quote]what about the physical contact. You don't miss exploring one another's bodies, the kissing, the intimacy?


by Anonymousreply 5412/10/2012

R25 et al is possiblt the most annoying poster DL has ever had

by Anonymousreply 5512/11/2012

When I see earrings and caftans posts, I have to think it's a straight woman trying desperately to fit in.

by Anonymousreply 5612/11/2012

R48, I agree entirely, although I'd say the boyfriend market mostly dries up by 35, not 40. That's entirely why, even in my forties, I'm still dating guys a decade or more younger than I am. (No, I'm not bragging; I'd actually rather date someone my age, but try *finding* a single man in his early 40s who's single, not recently out of a LTR, not still trying to act like he's 28, and not so damaged by life/parents/self-loathing about his orientation/a broken heart/childhood taunting/unrealistic "Prince Charming" expectations/ and/or a general failure to date *anyone* seriously, ever (like OP, apparently) that he's incapable of sustaining a reasonably normal long-term relationship with another guy.

by Anonymousreply 5712/11/2012

I'm 50 and have been in a monogamous relationship for three years.

Before this miracle, throughout my 40s I managed my sex life by having at least one hook up a week. This was accomplished through Craigs List, Manhunt, Adam4Adam and by hanging out in bars.

OP you might be attractive/reasonably attractive but lacking sensuality.

by Anonymousreply 5812/11/2012

[all posts by right wing shit-stain # a removed.]

by Anonymousreply 5912/11/2012

"And when I do meet someone it's inevitably disappointing. They look nothing like their pics and aren't nearly as fun as they appear."

psst...OP? That's what *everyone* says. Think about it...

by Anonymousreply 6012/11/2012

[quote]OP you might be attractive/reasonably attractive but lacking sensuality.

This. Truly sensual people are never lacking for partners at any age.

by Anonymousreply 6112/11/2012

The saddest thing about getting older is how many guys let themselves go (stop working out) -- or did damage smoking, too much sun in their youth and look really bad.

Take away the ones who are coupled and the choices do go down, unless you want to fuck around with younger guys.

by Anonymousreply 6212/11/2012

Well, I start with phone chat lines and go from there...

by Anonymousreply 6312/11/2012

You sound icky.

by Anonymousreply 6512/11/2012

Face it, OP. The dating scene is one of the greatest examples of free market forces at work. If nobody's buying what you're selling, you're doing something wrong.

After the last 25 years of Stuart Smalley type self-affirmations, its painfully obvious to anyone who has trolled CL or similar sites that people have an inflated sense of their looks, their bodies, their dick sizes and their charming personalites. Perhaps, OP, you should take a good, long look at yourself before you venture out into the dating arena again.

by Anonymousreply 6612/11/2012

Good luck, OP. I can definitely relate. I've given up on the online sites.

And, let's face it, Datalounge and R66 are the toilet of gay men so you won't get much good advice here.

by Anonymousreply 6712/11/2012

R66 made a few fair points.

by Anonymousreply 6812/11/2012

I love how R16 thinks that there's consistent sex in an LTR. Clearly he's never been in one.

Being in a relationship, dear, is no guarantee of sex.

by Anonymousreply 6912/11/2012

Yeah, y'know R28, the thing about having nieces and nephews is that, they, well y'know, have their own lives. They're not going to gathering like some privileged audience at your death bed.

You don't know anything about anything, do you?

by Anonymousreply 7012/11/2012

I'm concerned that R28 isn't going to make it through Christmas this year. She's a total mess.

by Anonymousreply 7112/11/2012

I'm here, R50! It's just taking me a while to get through this thread.

by Anonymousreply 7212/11/2012

[quote]Gay men kiss?

Why does this confuse you, R44?

Yes, dear. Gay men kiss. The only men I've encountered who don't were closet case or "sexually confused" types, and one or two oddballs. But the vast majority of gay men enjoy kissing their partners.

This place is so odd and depressing sometimes. The posts often reveal some rather strange folk lurk here.

by Anonymousreply 7312/11/2012

Right R64, because not taking care of yourself, smoking and drinking is so mature. If you were comfortable with yourself, you wouldn't feel the need to be so critical of something you evidently do not have.

by Anonymousreply 7412/11/2012

[quote]And, let's face it, Datalounge and [R66] are the toilet of gay men so you won't get much good advice here.

You have some nerve!

by Anonymousreply 7512/11/2012

R67's CL posting: linebacker's build, total top, very masculine and straight acting seeks same. No drama.

The reality of R67: fat, screaming fem bottom, drama queen extraordinaire.

by Anonymousreply 7612/11/2012

You talk too much R77, like a girl. Try cultivating the strong and silent type image. It's more manly.

by Anonymousreply 7812/11/2012
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