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I have never been to a steakhouse before

Going for a fancy business lunch. What should I order? Is it gauche to order steak with sauce, like bernaise? What sides should I get -- and how many? What is tomato salad -- just a heap of tomatoes??

Oh, to be young and in NY and treated to lunch with the boss!

by Whippersnapperreply 11812/21/2012

Tell the waitron you want your steak "Pittsburgh-style."

Mmm-mmm.

by Whippersnapperreply 112/03/2012

Order at least 2 beers.

by Whippersnapperreply 212/03/2012

Don't get saucy with me Bernaise!

by Whippersnapperreply 312/03/2012

Order the creamed corn, unless you're planning to be rimmed later in the day.

by Whippersnapperreply 412/03/2012

Tomato salad is top quality vine-ripened tomatoes, sliced, sometimes seasoned, likely served on a bed of fancy greens (not iceberg lettuce.) What vegetable or starch sides do you like? You can always ask for your sauce on the side, and apply as much as you like. Bernaise goes very well with plainer veggie sides or rice pilaf. I would say 2 sides or 1 salad or soup and side would be appropriate. Follow your bosses' lead. Make sure your table manners are perfect. Of course good waiters often help out the negligent.

by Whippersnapperreply 512/03/2012

Yes, tomato salad is a heap of whole tomatoes still on the vine. Your choice of dressing. Request that the tomatoes be washed before plating.

by Whippersnapperreply 612/03/2012

If you need to use the washroom, no need to leave the table. Just send for the garcon de pisse.

by Whippersnapperreply 712/03/2012

If you're going to Sizzler, don't order the salad bar.

by Whippersnapperreply 812/03/2012

Always order your steak 'Medium'. When it arrives, stick your thumb in the middle of it and then send it back saying it's not "Medium". The second steak is always much better.

A good soup is Cream of Leek, but make sure they have it fresh and not from a can. Ask, "Are your leeks fresh?"

The Chef's Salad is fine, but ask for spinach instead of romaine, Egg slices instead of tomatoes, Red pepper instead of black, Feta cheese instead of the house dressing. Also ask for a mustard vinaigrette on the side.

When the wine is presented, do your host the favor of examining the cork; put the bottle end in your mouth and bite down delicately. If it squeezes even a bit, you are being served old wine and that's deplorable.

Good luck, OP!

by Whippersnapperreply 912/03/2012

OP, I don't know who you think you're fooling. You're at least 70 years old.

by Whippersnapperreply 1012/03/2012

Always order the creamed spinach.

by Whippersnapperreply 1112/04/2012

Have you been to Georgia or California?

by Whippersnapperreply 1212/04/2012

[quote]Always order your steak 'Medium'. When it arrives, stick your thumb in the middle of it and then send it back saying it's not "Medium". The second steak is always much better.

Wow, what a GREAT way to impress the boss! Let him know he has an asshole with OCD who becomes a diva whenever he enters a steakhouse.

by Whippersnapperreply 1312/04/2012

OP, the most important selection here will be your cut of beef. Let's hope you're not going someplace like Craftsteak or Cut where you'll have to choose from a variety of beef types, from grass-fed and finished steaks all the way up to the Kobe (which isn't actual Japanese Kobe, but rather American Wagyu, a Kobe spinoff). Absolutely DO NOT order the Kobe!!

I think the best all-around option is a (preferably dry-aged) New York strip (or, if not available, a New York sirloin), but if your boss wants to share a porterhouse with you, DEFINITELY do it since it's the best cut. ONLY get a starter if your boss does as well, and by means should you limit it to a tomato salad; if they have something more interesting but not crazy-pricey, go for it. Do NOT get a big salad such as a Chef Salad; all it will do is fill you up too much for the huge slab of beef to come. As for sides, unfortunately the number at upscale steakhouses has become offering them at high expense ($6 to $10 extra) but in "family-size portions," so if your boss wants sides, just go along with it and have some of his.

Finally, there is nothing *at all* wrong with ordering Bearnaise, though it could cost $3-$5 extra, and most better places will have at least five or six other saucing options as well.

by Whippersnapperreply 1412/04/2012

Order a New York strip or sirloin cut, medium rare. (medium if you don't like too much animal flavor) Avoid bones.

Never order seafood or pasta in a fine steakhouse. No escargot, spring rolls, calamari, or funny onion starters.

If having an appetizer, go for a clean taste, nothing fried. Clear soup or an inventive salad. Never order a Caesar salad.

Bearnaise is fine if you like it, have it. On the side. Mushrooms are better, if you like them. A Good steak does not require a sauce and can make you look amateur.

Have the potato of your choice, and fresh vegetables. It is probably a la carte, but don't be cheap.

Have a non sweet cocktail, and then a good glass of red wine or a shared bottle with your dinner. (perfect time to consult your server)

Skip dessert, but have cognac and coffee, or a liqueur that suits. (Benedictine, Grand Marnier, Calvados or Drambuie.) No Schnapps !

Still, non carbonated water on the table.

Enjoy !

by Whippersnapperreply 1512/04/2012

Duh, I missed that it was lunch.

Only salad as a starter, if any. One glass of wine. No alcohol after eating.

Now you know what to do for dinner. Take a boy out :)

by Whippersnapperreply 1612/04/2012

Caprese salad (fresh, sliced tomatoes and mozzarella) is a great starter for most steak dinners. It's light and refreshing and won't overpower your palette.

by Whippersnapperreply 1712/04/2012

You don't need to order any sauce with your steak. The A1 sauce and ketchup at the table will do just fine. Don't order the tomato. It's just thick slices of beefsteak tomatoes on a plate. You can buy that at the grocery store and do that at home.

by Whippersnapperreply 1812/04/2012

Order the cow head and gin.

by Whippersnapperreply 1912/04/2012

Kill animals much asshole?

by Whippersnapperreply 2012/04/2012

OP, all joking aside, I want to make sure you are aware that the type of beef served in most better steakhouses gives about 80 percent of people SERIOUS gas unless they are accustomed/ acclimated to it. It has to do with the type of diets the cows have and the freshness of the beef.

There's not much at this point you can do in advance to combat it, but as soon as dinner is cleared I would order some sort of digestif (congac, armanac, tawny port, etc) to combat the effects as well as a fairly rich (but NON DAIRY) dessert.

If you do feel rumblings, let it out immediately as holding in this type of gas can actually be toxic to your system due to the level of sulfur. Otherwise you may start feeling lightheaded and short of breath - about two years ago in NEJM it was established that the old "post-steak heart attack" is more attributable to sulfur levels in the intestines than to artery clogging effects of the meat (which would not take effect that quickly anyway).

Bottom line: if you start feeling gassy ask the Maitre'D to show you to the "Rear Salon" (there's also a French term, but it escapes me) - it is a designated room (separate from the bathroom) in most of these joints where you can remove and neatly fold your trousers and let nature take its course while you read a magazine or smoke a cigar, etc. Your boss will understand - we've all been there.

by Whippersnapperreply 2112/04/2012

People are crazy. OP is going to a steak house. Eating meat. He must and now knows what to order and what to have with it. This is a very successful thread. Stress free. Napkin on lap.

Not only is the cow dead, but it has been dead for some time in a good steakhouse. Excellent.

(Cow head and gin sounds swell, but my mom says I am too young for gin. R19)

Enjoy!

by Whippersnapperreply 2212/04/2012

R21 This happened to me! I thought I was going to die. It was at my brother's college graduation lunch and after that I was so ill with gas that I missed my own high school exams and has to be looked at by three different hospitals. Finally a doctor told me my stomach was not prepared to digest the meat - think "lactose intolerance" but 1000x worse. My doctor calls it "steakhouse syndrome" and yes, if held in (as I foolishly did) and untreated (fortunately I did seek help) it can be deadly.

by Whippersnapperreply 2312/04/2012

Order the fish, they will have it. WTF anyway it is lunch. How can anyone get so worked up over lunch?

by Whippersnapperreply 2412/04/2012

To everyone who gave guidance thank you... but I am officially freaked out. I was just looking forward to a nice restaurant steak (which truth be told I can't afford very often), maybe some Bernaise sauce, a little tomato salad or fried calamari or a little green sauce or whatever. I fucking HATE A1 and ketchup and on top of that why would I even take the risk of ending up in the hospital - it's not even worth it. Nothing in my life ever fucking goes right anyway - why should today be any different.

by Whippersnapperreply 2512/04/2012

Who cares, Bitch?

by Whippersnapperreply 2612/04/2012

R26, I am not asking you to care. But you know what? This was supposed to be a big day for me. And now.. well now it is ruined. Hope you enjoy YOUR lunch, ass-clown! I hear Chef Boyardee is real tasty fuck-nut.

by Whippersnapperreply 2712/04/2012

[quote]Going for a fancy business lunch

No one goes to a steak house for a fancy lunch nor a business lunch, much less a fancy business lunch.

You're either a liar or...Well there's no way to finish that sentence.

by Whippersnapperreply 2812/04/2012

Ask for the "Montreal Special" and the busboy may suck you off under the table. What the hell your boss is paying I assume, right?

by Whippersnapperreply 2912/04/2012

R28, Possibly in flyover country you are correct, here in Manhattan we do indeed go to steakhouses for business lunches - and when we do you had better believe we put the fucking "F" in fancy, trick.

by Whippersnapperreply 3012/04/2012

Don't be freaked out, its just lunch and everyone is giving you a hard time.

Gas? Really? What restaurant do they go to?

The truth is, most REAL steak houses have a very limited menu. Most are a la carte. And most are kind of old school so a cocktail, {not beer} is normal before dinner, lunch sometimes too depending on your boss, go with the flow.

The worst thing you could do is order your meat well-done. Stick to medium or medium rare. Well done says you don't appreciate meat. It would be like asking for ketchup.

Most steak houses get PRIME cuts that you can not get in the supermarket or even at the higher end markets so try to enjoy the experience.

Bernaise is a classic option usually offered with a steak which is delicious. But lots of people pass because they they like the beefy taste more. Plus most people dont take the time to make it at home.

Usually there is some kind of baked or mashed potato option. Either is typical.

Typical starters are optional but crab cakes or calamari are very classic. Dont over do it, the main course will be huge.

In California, the classic salad is a blue Cheese wedge: Iceberg with premium Maytag blue and some bits of bacon and tomatoes.

Know your cuts, if you are not sure, stick with the New York AKA Strip Steak. If you like your meat to cut like butter, go for the filet. Oh I should mention, if you get the filet, it is almost always served with a Bearnaise sauce. This is because some of the other cuts like Porter House and Ribeye have more of a beefy flavor and dose not need it. The filet is very mild but cuts like butter. And lower fat! Also most expensive cut.

At the end of the day, when people say they are going to a steak house its a splurge. I'ts time to be decadent. Don't be shy about ordering an expensive cut of meat, that is what everyone is there for.

Really the only faux pas you could make is ordering well done, or something else off the menu like chicken or fish. (surf and turf AKA lobster and steak are ok) Dont ask for A1, or you will find your ass on the street. People there take their meat seriously.

Finally, taste the meat before you salt it. Most steak house chefs season generously with salt and pepper and uh butter to get a nice char and flavor. That is not an option.

by Whippersnapperreply 3112/04/2012

Steak is like Chinese food - you will feel hungry 10 minutes after you eat. So make sure you order at least a 64-oz steak, swimming in butter, with all the trimmings.

Then order an entire coconut cream pie for dessert.

And try to limit your drinking to six martinis.

by Whippersnapperreply 3212/04/2012

Coconut Cream Pie? Really R33, I can tell you have never been to a steakhouse. Your joke is void of humor or knowledge of the subject.

by Whippersnapperreply 3312/04/2012

OP, to be safe, I suggest you order the chopped steak, medium-well.

If your boss is feeling generous, get the mushroom gravy if they have it. If not, ask for the Franco-American kind.

Go ahead and get a small side salad, and shoot, go crazy and get a loaded baked potato as well.

An adult Happy Meal -- eat 'em up!

by Whippersnapperreply 3412/04/2012

[quote] My doctor calls it "steakhouse syndrome"

Steakhouse syndrome isn't gas. It's when there is a food bolus in the esophagus. It's usually meat and the patient often has some sort of removable dentire and is unable to properly chew the meat. Or a person who eats too fast and talks a lot when they eat.

PS - if you order a salad in a steakhouse because you're just not that hungry, you will be presented with 1/4 of a head of iceberg lettuce. That's it. No tomato, no cucumber, no carrot, no nothing. So if you like tomatoes, order tomato salad.

by Whippersnapperreply 3512/04/2012

order the free bread pudding, OP

by Whippersnapperreply 3612/04/2012

T-minus three hours.

I am so fucking nervous.

My boss is like this big macho guy and I am so afraid I am going to be awkward and screw this up. What do I even talk about with them? Do people really talk about their food at these places or is that like completely impolite? Do I offer everyone a taste of what I get?

I know nothing about sports so I hope he doesn't bring that up at all - seriously. And now i have to worry about gas, choking, chunks of lettuce vs. regular salad etc. - it is too fucking much.

I am seriously thinking about calling in sick or something. I don't know - what the fuck am I gonna do? I am thisclose to having a panic attack.

by Whippersnapperreply 3712/04/2012

For God's sake, OP get a grip. The worst thing you could do is call in sick. Yes, people talk about the food they ordered, however do not make negative comments about the other diners' meals. Do NOT offer everyone a taste of what you ordered. It's a business lunch so you will most likely be talking about...uh, work. I am guessing you have eaten a meal before, so I know you can do this. You will impress your boss, the lunch will be over, and you can check it off the list. Sheesh.

by Whippersnapperreply 3812/04/2012

OP, consider yourself lucky. You could've been asked to show up for a game of golf.

by Whippersnapperreply 3912/04/2012

[quote]Oh, to be young and in NY and treated to lunch with the boss! Oh, is that how twinks are referring to johns...

In any case, if your post is at all serious and you're that worried about impressions, order a petite filet or NY strip, with green beans or mushrooms in the side.

by Whippersnapperreply 4012/04/2012

You people are truly insane.

by Whippersnapperreply 4112/04/2012

OP - they talk endlessly about the food they just ordered. And, they talk shop.

by Whippersnapperreply 4312/04/2012

Why not, R43?

by Whippersnapperreply 4412/04/2012

A DL poster recounted a horrifying story about eating butterfish, going to work, losing control of his bowels and ruining his clothes and his chair, a cubefrau coming to his aid, and possibly ruining the bathroom at work.

He was sluicing as he typed. Real or not, the story amused those of us who were here at the time.

by Whippersnapperreply 4512/04/2012

I love going to fancy steakhouses like Outback. YUM!

by Whippersnapperreply 4612/04/2012

Don't forget about the fully loaded baked potato in addition to the bread pudding.

by Whippersnapperreply 4712/04/2012

Order a cruelty-free salad (be sure to ask if it was made with free-range vegetables), but no steak. When asked why, start singing The Smiths' "Meat Is Murder" at the top of your lungs.

by Whippersnapperreply 4812/04/2012

OP, Looks like you boss is impressed with your character and intelligence, and thinks that you could really advance at work. Relax and enjoy; you've been through far worse. You got through the interview process to secure this job, right? You're not entertaining clients, yet. Follow his lead. Ketchup and A-1 don't belong on good quality steak. Bernaise on the side is tasty for vegetable sides. Don't drink too much. Listen to "your Mom" and by all means chew with your mouth closed; you knew that didn't you?

by Whippersnapperreply 4912/04/2012

Okay, I've had a large glass of wine and I am feeling a little more confident about the whole thing. I've got about 2 hours before I have to meet up with them and you guys are right, it could be a lot worse. He could have asked me to play golf or something. That would have a total fucking disaster.

I just got off the phone with my dad and he said to make a big impression he always used to order the second most expensive thing on the menu and tell a really off-color joke right off the bat - to knock everyone a little off balance. I think I'm going to go that route.

I'm gonna meditate for about an hour now (and hopefully not doze off - that would be bad) then check back in here for more advice/ suggestions before I head out. You guys are seriously the best. I am nervous as all fuck be we just might get through this yet.

by Whippersnapperreply 5012/04/2012

Do not tell the joke, OP. If that's not you, don't do it.

by Whippersnapperreply 5112/04/2012

A large glass of wine already? 'Atta girl.

by Whippersnapperreply 5212/04/2012

At the fancy steakhouses, they cart around a cow carcass on a gurney and actually carve your steak right off the cow directly at your table.

by Whippersnapperreply 5312/04/2012

[quote]I've got about 2 hours before I have to meet up with them

That's plenty of time for another glass or two of wine.

by Whippersnapperreply 5412/04/2012

OP, Please don't listen to the DL meanies. Don't you dare show up tipsy (says Mom.) Off-color jokes are low-class; no one likes negative people. Encourage your boss to do most of the talking. Smile and look like you're having a great time. Compliment the food and decor of the restaurant. Say a few positive things about your home town; safe and interesting topic. Remember your boss is trying to be very nice to you and show appreciation for all of your hard work.

by Whippersnapperreply 5512/04/2012

When going to a business lunch the FIRST RULE: Keep it simple, and keep it light.

Even if you are going to a steakhouse, you needn't feel compelled to order a steak. But whatever you do, do not order anything alcoholic at a business lunch, unless everyone at the table is drinking. Then a simple glass of wine is OK or a classy beer (depending on the crowd).

Be abstemious. If you really do not want to drink alcohol with lunch DON'T. Iced tea is always an acceptable alternative. Soda is low-class.

Steakhouses often serve excellent burgers. There is no shame in getting one for lunch. With fries. And a very nice, classy ale. Assuming you can eat a burger without having it drip down your chin and get all over your hands.

You don't want to act like you've never been anywhere. Act comfortable in your surroundings. If you go online, you might also get a look at the menu. It's always a good idea to peruse the menu ahead of time. If you can, read some restaurant critiques or comments online, too.

That way you'll be able to make an honest intelligent comment. "I've never been here, but I heard that their specialty is "X" and its supposed to be pretty good. Or "Isn't this the place that has a reputation for it's great brew selection?"

OP has not indicated whether this is a lunch for two or three ot five or twenty. That may impact what you might order, too, especially if you are wondering about drinks.

Just remember, keep it simple and keep it reasonably light. A six ounce steak with a baked potato and salad is as far as you need to go. No dessert, only order coffee if everyone else does or stick with the iced tea. NBD.

by Whippersnapperreply 5612/04/2012

[quote]I am seriously thinking about calling in sick or something. I don't know - what the fuck am I gonna do? I am thisclose to having a panic attack.

don't be such a little girl and get the fuck over yourself!

by Whippersnapperreply 5712/04/2012

I really hope the OP is trolling. Getting this worked up over a simple business lunch is absurd. How the hell do you make it through life Mary?

by Whippersnapperreply 5812/04/2012

[quote]No one goes to a steak house for a fancy lunch nor a business lunch, much less a fancy business lunch.

I don't know where you live but here in Houston people do indeed go to steakhouses for business lunches. We take our steaks seriously here and have some really good ones.

by Whippersnapperreply 5912/04/2012

r20/21/23/25/27/29/30/38/51 is either unemployed or deserves to be for wasting that much of his employer's time trolling DL.

by Whippersnapperreply 6012/04/2012

Okay bitches, I'm outta here. I did have that second glass of wine and I am about 1 sheet to the wind so I am going to walk to midtown for the fresh air and grab a coffee on the way.

You know what? Fuck them all. Fuck my boss for putting me in this fucking situation - I have been up all night and I look like shit with circles under my eyes and I have been crying all morning and I'm a wreck. I look good from the neck down though - wearing' my best suit (no fucking clean socks though FML). I got the pants a size too small and you can totally see my cack and I am gonna be like "That's right bitches! Lookin's free but touchin's gonna cost ya"

And I spent the last hour reading a ton of shit about red meat and how it gives you cancer (sorry, "statistical link") and I am like ?????? Total fucking horror show.

You guys are right - my boss loves me and wants me to to fucking show up and make a big splash and show him what i have to offer and burp and fart and eat some steak with the big boys. I CAN DO THAT. I can play along and blend in.

I have a good feeling about this..

Pray for me sins of bitches!

I'm good, I can do this.

by Whippersnapperreply 6112/04/2012

I love Capital Grille - they make their own potato chips. And they have 32 oz porterhouses...awesome.

In Philly, they have a couple of really high-end, non-chain steakhouses where the sides cost almost as much as a piece of meat.

by Whippersnapperreply 6212/04/2012

Poor trollerina. She crafted that long-ass post at R62 without bothering to notice that she'd be outed via trolldar. And she's quite the fucked-up troll, too: notice R21 and R23 about "steakhouse syndrome." Worse, look at the posting time: 3:30am! She stays up all night plotting this shit!

Speaking of trolls...

[quote]A DL poster recounted a horrifying story about eating butterfish, going to work, losing control of his bowels and ruining his clothes and his chair, a cubefrau coming to his aid, and possibly ruining the bathroom at work.

R43, that was most DEFINITELY a troll. He fessed up a couple of years ago to that thread and many others, particularly the multiple lesbian ones including the "possessed demon" one who walked like a crab and another involving a girlfriend who knocked over a large bottle of Coke and refused to clean it up. ALL fake. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if this troll has returned and this thread is his work.

by Whippersnapperreply 6312/04/2012

[quote]DataLounge Troll Detection Team

What a sad collection of aspiring peenies

by Whippersnapperreply 6412/04/2012

They serve things besides steak.

by Whippersnapperreply 6512/04/2012

Waaaaaaaaa!! Waaaaaaaaaa! Trolldar ruins the fun of thinking this shit's real, hee-hee! I was laughing my ASS off at the butterfish story; hadn't heard it before. I was going to suggest to OP that in his father's day (working in the 70's? 80's?), one perhaps could get away with the odd off-color joke; alas, not now (at least in SF, home of rabid political correctness.)

I hope OP, trollarina or not, reports back!

by Whippersnapperreply 6612/04/2012

OP, don't forget to order the 24oz Porterhouse. Eat the whole thing under a half hour and your meal is free. Your boss will be so thankful that you cared enough to deign to eat such a large meal and save him the hassle of paying the check. You'll be a hero, and the restaurant will put your picture on the wall for everyone to see and worship.

by Whippersnapperreply 6712/04/2012

Harsh lesson for a newbie troll.

by Whippersnapperreply 6812/04/2012

So what's the proper etiquette if you find out the waiter is someone you fucked last night, but you don't remember his name?

by Whippersnapperreply 6912/04/2012

skipping merrily over the bridge while OP is busy 'dining' with his 'boss'

by Whippersnapperreply 7012/04/2012

How about Dinner?

I think I'd like a Shrimp Cocktail, Kale Salad, Prime Rib of Beef, String beans, and Mashed potatoes. (Okay, we're already above $100 and haven't had drinks, coffee and dessert yet. And that's for one person.)

(The only way I'd pay $11 for fine string beans is if they were served on Ryan Philippe's butt.)

by Whippersnapperreply 7112/04/2012

This thread derailed completely and I likE it

by Whippersnapperreply 7212/04/2012

Be sure to ask the waiter for ketchup.

by Whippersnapperreply 7412/04/2012

The funniest thing about this thread is not the people posting parody responses, it's the reactions from pearl clutchers who think they are being serious.

by Whippersnapperreply 7512/04/2012

OP, order Milk Steak with a side of the finest jellybeans, raw.

by Whippersnapperreply 7612/04/2012

IIRC, the Butterfish troll laid his cards on the table right off the bat. It was so deliciously insane that most everyone went with it and created a memorable, history making thread.

by Whippersnapperreply 7712/04/2012

Just tell the waiter you're in the mood for a big piece of meat. Warn the waiter he may have to kiss you to get all that meat inside you. Go easy on the sides as they like to turn the tables over every hour and half or so. If you're smart you'll wear a pair of the new activated-charcoal depends so can let'em rip without a care in the world.

by Whippersnapperreply 7812/04/2012

This thread is making me hungry. But I love well-done beef; what is the best way to get the closest to what I want without being sneered at by the waiter or given garbage by the chef?

by Whippersnapperreply 7912/04/2012

Best way: go to Golden Corral.

by Whippersnapperreply 8012/04/2012

These are some good jokes to tell while you are all waiting for your food or if there is a lull in the conversation:

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!

How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little nazis

A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish. It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.

Did you hear about that new movie called "Constipation"? No? That's because it hasn't come out yet...

My friends tell me I'm too condescending. That means I talk down to people.

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christoper Walken

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge? Tequila!!

What do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho Cheese!

A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." The man asks, "Why?" The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapus

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.

Why did princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A Private Tutor!

Good luck!

by Whippersnapperreply 8112/04/2012

Make sure to thank your host for not choosing Guy Fieri's new Times Square restaurant for lunch.

by Whippersnapperreply 8212/04/2012

You do NOT go to steakhouses for a fancy lunch or business lunch EVER.

Even in NYC they don't do that. I have been to many business lunches at the Rainbow Room or 21 but we go to REAL restaurants

by Whippersnapperreply 8312/04/2012

So, OP! Tell us. How did your fancy lunch go? What did you have? What did you talk about?

by Whippersnapperreply 8412/04/2012

OP died of alcohol and food poisoning

by Whippersnapperreply 8512/04/2012

R80, the best way is to simply stay home

by Whippersnapperreply 8612/04/2012

OP was thrown under the bus. He was fired and this was his surprise going away lunch.Right now he's in the men's room with two waiters who went off duty at 3 PM and they are all taking turns being bottoms.

by Whippersnapperreply 8712/04/2012

Never been to a steakhouse before? What kind of FUCKING LOSER are you?!?!?

by Whippersnapperreply 8812/04/2012

Does anyone remember the Will and Grace episode where Will ends up being fired by Harlin? Previously, Jack had advised Will to use this method when getting rid of his clients:

JACK: Anyway, here's what you do: you call them up, ask them what their favorite lunch place is, ok? You're in public, so less chance of a scene. Then you sit them down, order them a happy meal, and can their ass.

WILL: A McFiring. Favorite lunch place-- That's not a bad idea.

So ... OP, did you tell your boss this was your favorite lunch place?

by Whippersnapperreply 8912/04/2012

[quote]You do NOT go to steakhouses for a fancy lunch or business lunch EVER.

Yes, we do. Upscale steakhouses are filled with businessmen and women at lunch.

by Whippersnapperreply 9012/04/2012

Click Trolldar on R62 and then scroll upward. If this guy is not an Extra Scummy Temp, I'm my own grandparent.

by Whippersnapperreply 9112/04/2012

[quote]Harsh lesson for a newbie troll.

This was no newbie troll. The attention to detail throughout is really quite impressive; a newbie wouldn't have chimed in with such Especially Specific Tidbits like "steakhouse syndrome" (which actually has nothing to the symptoms he was describing) and what we are reasonably sure is the first nonchalant reference to the New England Journal of Medicine ever seen in a DL trolling attack. If the OP hadn't forgotten the most basic requirement of DL Trolling 101 -- dump your cookies or switch to a different browser if you're engaging in the "talks to self" process -- we are certain this thread would still be going strong, and OP would have returned to continue the story. His only notably "off" remarks were about the two glasses of wine (at work? not plausible in the least) and "I got the pants a size too small and you can totally see my cack" ... unless they were, of course, intentional reveals.

After careful analysis, we have come to the conclusion that this is the return of the infamous Butterfish / Crab-Walking Lesbian troll referenced above, last spotted here two holiday seasons ago when he confessed to some of his most infamous work. We shall remain on high alert in the coming weeks.

by Whippersnapperreply 9212/04/2012

I hate raw tomatoes, and not of fan of beef less done than medium well. I didn't think "finer" steakhouses served "steak sauce" - certainly not bottles of A1 on the table! Ketchup would be rather tacky I think, so I wouldn't risk using it (there).

by Whippersnapperreply 9312/04/2012

And half are unemployed after lunch, R91. Good times!

by Whippersnapperreply 9412/04/2012

Oh, Jesus, I can't believe the freaking Troll Detector is back. Sugarpie, we can all spot trolls and enjoy the magic of trolldar w/o the benefit of your long-winded, nerdball analyses. Your troll detection posts are vastly more boring than even the clumsiest EST.

by Whippersnapperreply 9512/04/2012

I'm not the OP, but I did go to a steakhouse today for a business luncheon. It wasn't a fancy steakhouse. It was a chain called Hoffbrau Steaks. It was very reasonably priced, but the food wasn't that good. My grilled chicken had a lot of char on it, like it had been left on the grill too long. And my broccoli was mushy. But it was free.

by Whippersnapperreply 9612/04/2012

This one is really good and very expensive.

by Whippersnapperreply 9712/04/2012

R98, Perry's is yet another Upscale Steakhouse Chain (yawn...) along with Ruth's Chris, Morton's the Steakhouse, Sullivan's. the Capital Grille, etc etc etc. SO tedious, and yet popular only because straight men are such pussies when it comes to having business dinners anywhere that might seem the slightest bit "gay" (e.g. a really good French restaurant), so they've spread to upscale downtown districts like maggots.

by Whippersnapperreply 9812/04/2012

HAHAHA R82, those were great!

by Whippersnapperreply 9912/04/2012

The food is good R99. Who cares if it's a chain?

by Whippersnapperreply 10012/04/2012

[quote]posts are vastly more boring than even the clumsiest EST.

indeed

by Whippersnapperreply 10112/04/2012

Yumm

by Whippersnapperreply 10212/04/2012

Is Smith and Wollenshy still around? God I hated being dragged to that place. .

by Whippersnapperreply 10312/04/2012

The palm is Bette than ruth's chris

by Whippersnapperreply 10412/04/2012

Oh my, R104, your mention of that establishment has brought back such memories of my father, he used to dine there for business frequently.

by Whippersnapperreply 10512/04/2012

such a quaint idea

by Whippersnapperreply 10612/05/2012

I'm beginning to suspect OP is a troll...

by Whippersnapperreply 10712/05/2012

I'm beginning to look a lot like Xmas. . . .

by Whippersnapperreply 10812/05/2012

Smith & Wollensky is still around and has expanded to multiple locations (Boston, Philly, Chicago, Miami & a few other places).

r84, I have been working in NYC for 25 years and have been to countless business lunches at steakhouses which have always been packed full of other business people so I don't quite understand how you can say steakhouses are inappropriate for a business lunch. Furthermore, the Rainbow Room has been closed for years and was more of a function place, not a business lunch place.

by Whippersnapperreply 10912/05/2012

I'm a big old Mary but I love a good steakhouse, r99. Especially over French food - blech. Most French restaurants in cities are pretentious, overpriced and not very good. But a good filet mignon at a classy steakhouse is an unbelievable treat.

by Whippersnapperreply 11012/05/2012

R82, I suffer from - and inflict on others - depression; have had two long angry calls with friends and family BUT! am now in a GREAT mood, thanks to you! I am laughing my ass off; my sides hurt; am sure neighbors think I'm nuts, laughing to myself: I LOVED all those great jokes and will steal some! Seroiusly: THANK you.

by Whippersnapperreply 11112/05/2012

Anytime! I'm here until Friday, try the Veal!

by Whippersnapperreply 11212/05/2012

I like Chart House. Great food and a bit more reasonable than other steakhouses.

by Whippersnapperreply 11312/05/2012

Come on OP. Everyone's dying to know how the lunch specials were at Sizzler.

by Whippersnapperreply 11412/05/2012

well, now that my hole has recovered, it was quite the experience. I blacked out at one point but let's say that there will be many more "Steaks" in my future, especially up my backside.

by Whippersnapperreply 11512/06/2012

So wha' happened, OP.

by Whippersnapperreply 11612/21/2012

Actually Hollandaise is good on steak too.

by Whippersnapperreply 11712/21/2012
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