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Friend's Gender Issues

Is it common for people with gender issues to switch back and forth before finally settling on which gender to be? A male friend -- very buff, very masculine-looking -- started treatments, etc. for living life as a woman last winter. He dressed and went out as a woman, the whole thing. I was supportive and, of course, curious about the whole process. As soon as spring came, he reverted back to his very-manly aspect. This guy has a drop-dead body and takes really good care of himself. He made a big deal about dating a woman all summer long and posted innumerable pictures on FB of him in tank tops, etc. I caught up with him the other day (via message) and he told me he's starting treatments again to be a woman. My head is spinning. He is very, very intelligent, but I'm starting to think there is a serious issue lurking there and am trying to understand. Is this shuttling back and forth for a while a normal part of the gender re-assignment process? He's got a tough row to hoe, for sure: he works in an uber-masculine environment (waste management for a major city) and is not likely to change, since he has advanced steadily and is well liked. I can't imagine him showing up for work there dressed as a woman . . . Thanks for any good insight on this. I really like this guy, but I'm very confused right now.

by Anonymousreply 1311/29/2012

Are you sure there aren't two of them: the Garbage Man and the Legal Secretary? Perhaps identical twins?

by Anonymousreply 111/29/2012

These are the most unstable people in the world. Steer clear. Many eventually commit suicide due largely to their brain disorders.

by Anonymousreply 211/29/2012

[quote] but I'm starting to think there is a serious issue lurking

No kidding.

by Anonymousreply 311/29/2012

R2, he does seem to get on various 'kicks' -- studying Spanish like crazy, doing really well at it quickly, then losing interest, etc. He's one of the smartest guys I know. But are you serious about the instability part? I mean, to the point of him being dangerous? I have not seen anything to indicate that he's dangerous. I just don't know what to say when I see him do an about-face like this. And I kind of feel sorry for him when he's in his female phase: Dude cannot do anything about his bone structure and massive rack of shoulders. He's totally all-guy, no mistaking that.

by Anonymousreply 411/29/2012

so back to the original question: is this going back and forth common for people doing a gender re-assignment thing?

by Anonymousreply 511/29/2012

Remember that columnist for I think Advocate who was a woman whom everyone thought was a man due to her name, who became a 'man' and then went back to female.

by Anonymousreply 611/29/2012

R6- Pat Califia?

by Anonymousreply 711/29/2012

Thank you R7 yea....she/he went through many changes.

by Anonymousreply 811/29/2012

Good for him/ her whatever.

There are children born into this that are biologically both male and female.

There are many people who can't identify as either. They shouldn't have to.

In reality Gender is a social construct and for many people it's an analogue concept with many grey areas— not a binary one.

Someday we'll realize that he/she is not the only way to perceive or express out genders.

by Anonymousreply 911/29/2012

Thanks, R9, I think that's probably where he/she is at and I haven't caught up with it all yet.

by Anonymousreply 1011/29/2012

I dated a questioning MtF and it was a nightmare. It seems that SHE was in the relationship with me and not him. I, on the other hand, was in a relationship with HIM and not her. I know people have gender issues and support whatever it is that they need to do to feel normal. But is was too weird and bordered on psychotic for me to be directly involved in. While I was in the relationship, I hoped that counseling would balance the gender conflict for both of us. In the end, he put her to rest and our relationship ended. But I hear he continues to struggle with this.

by Anonymousreply 1111/29/2012

R11 -- that sounds almost exactly like what is going on with my friend. We are close enough that he confides a lot to me. He's super good-looking, both in male or female persona, and he could probably get anyone he wanted. He'd have an *easier* time sticking with being male, from the standpoint of being way more convincing (He's a very muscular guy and he insists on the little skimpy, strapless numbers when he dresses as a female and if he thinks he passes, he is way more delusional than I thought. Face and hair and make-up (now that he's done electrolysis or laser or whatever ...), yeah -- looking good. Wardrobe and shoes? Not so much, because he just exudes maleness, body-wise. And they ain't no Spanx that's gonna take care of that!

by Anonymousreply 1211/29/2012

Who cares about what he wants. I'd dress him up in ladies underwear and fuck his hot bod.

by Anonymousreply 1311/29/2012
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