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Any straight women here who left lesbianism for happy heterosexuality?

A woman on another thread said she "left lesbianism" because of the drama and is now happily married to a man.

Is she the only one?

by Anonymousreply 19204/15/2013

And you believed "her"?

by Anonymousreply 111/27/2012

I know two women who were in serious lesbian relationships and then married men; I have heard of a number of others. One of the women I was acquainted with was super butch looking. I have no idea if any of them are happily married.

by Anonymousreply 211/27/2012

Well here goes, I used to be a lesbian. I was known as Nan Michiganwomyn but I married a MAN and became a stripper.

I go by the name Nanette now.

by Anonymousreply 311/27/2012

Hubby looks like a gay, retarded, big-dicked hunk o' burnin' love, Nan.

by Anonymousreply 411/27/2012

I'm bi but I have no desire to settle down with a woman.

by Anonymousreply 511/27/2012

Let's start with Anne Heche.

Moving on...

A friend of mine's sister, was married, then came out (made a HUGE deal of it) and now she's been married happily to a man, for ten years.

by Anonymousreply 611/27/2012

[quote]I'm bi but I have no desire to settle down with a woman.

I feel like that's really common among women, no matter what they identify as.

by Anonymousreply 711/27/2012

not that hard for a lesbian to just have to lie there

by Anonymousreply 811/27/2012

Hi Laura! Please tell us more about your views. We want to get to know you better.

by Anonymousreply 911/27/2012

Men are more aggressive and more plentiful. I am a lesbian, but I could find a man easily if I were to make myself available to them.

by Anonymousreply 1011/27/2012

I have been friends with six bi women and all have ended up with men. I know that two of those women never were romantic about their relationships with other women they were just enjoying the sex and the friendship with the women. FWIW

by Anonymousreply 1111/27/2012

sorry ugly butch op. I went for a REAL man

by Anonymousreply 1211/27/2012

R11 is living in a fantasy world.

The one lesbian I know who "stopped" being a lesbian and married a man was fucking miserable. She got the kids she wanted and the "respectable" patina she was looking for along with a daily dose of pain and shame. Great for the kids!

Eventually, she began having one night stands with women. The marriage (such as it was) continued to deteriorate, they divorced. Now she's divorced, raising the kids by herself and still fucking miserable.

She has never truly come to terms with her own orientation. Until she does, she will continue to fuck up her life, her children's lives and the lives of anyone with whom she has a romantic relationship.

by Anonymousreply 1311/27/2012

Men are much easier to find and fuck and get along with. Women are hard work, but more emotionally and intellectually stimulating,in my experience. The levels of sexual satisfaction depends on the individual.

by Anonymousreply 1411/27/2012

R14 wraps it up quite nicely.

by Anonymousreply 1511/27/2012

I know more women who were previously married, some with kids, who are now in long-term relationships with women.

by Anonymousreply 1611/27/2012

Society lets women experiment with their sexuality more, so some openly try women.

I myself know more women who were married to men and left the marriages to be with women. My boss is one. Her domestic life seems much more orderly and low-drama now, actually...I think she and her husband were very angry with each other at the end.

by Anonymousreply 1711/27/2012

Few women enjoy responsibility outside of raising children. After awhile some women get tired of co-driving in a lesbian relationship and go off to find a man who will drive while they sit in the passenger seat. They rather have the guy drive and get all the grief if things go wrong then do it themselves.

by Anonymousreply 1811/27/2012

R18 doesn't know any heterosexuals.

by Anonymousreply 1911/27/2012

Thanks for injecting some commonsense into this discussion, R13.

"Happy heterosexuality" for a lesbian? Harumph!

by Anonymousreply 2011/27/2012

I am bisexual woman who has previously been in a 4-year relationship with a man followed by a 14-year relationship with a woman. I pretty much date men now in my early 40s. R14 sums it up pretty well for me.

By the way, OP, these women aren't "straight" - they're bisexual. AND there's a difference between someone who knows and has come to terms with their bisexuality, and someone who is a closet-case about it like the woman R13 knows.

by Anonymousreply 2111/27/2012

[quote]Few women enjoy responsibility outside of raising children.

This is a satirical post, right?

by Anonymousreply 2211/28/2012

I dated a man for a year and was miserable. He was a friend I admired and loved and my feeling about dating him was, "why not? He's the best person you know." The sex was serviceable but it took me thinking about a woman to get off. It was deceptive and I broke it off after a lot of agony. There is no doubt if we stayed together, we might get married. And it was tempting. He was total security, feeling more loved than I had ever been loved and would have made me that elusive "normal."

by Anonymousreply 2411/28/2012

[quote] sizemeat is SO much more attractive than stink-holes!

That's no way to speak of your asshole, Mary.

by Anonymousreply 2511/28/2012

I know a woman who also made a big deal of announcing she was a lesbian (via a mass email, nonetheless!)--6 years on she's now straight with a husband and brat. I think she's bipolar or something.

by Anonymousreply 2611/28/2012

I would have to think that it's much easier for a lesbian to to deceitfully engage in a long term heterosexual relationship/marriage then for a gay man to do the same. e

by Anonymousreply 2711/28/2012

[quote]I would have to think that it's much easier for a lesbian to to deceitfully engage in a long term heterosexual relationship/marriage then for a gay man to do the same.

I knew a girl who was gay who had heavy relationships with guys until she was about 23 and she said it made her so depressed (& all the rest).

The deceit must be horrible. You'd be going against your nature, all the time. Maybe if you married someone who wasn't all that into sex it would be tolerable, otherwise it would be hellish.

I've found that many, even most, very sexual straight women, have an inclination towards other women. But they are straight. Their bisexuality is just a branch line. A lot of people think if someone's bisexual, that somehow they're less hot for men, but that's not how it works. They may try 'being gay' but ultimately they miss being with a man. It doesn't fill the hole, as it were.

For this reason, a lot of gay women are very cautious about bi women and rightly so.

by Anonymousreply 2811/28/2012

"Which makes sense because sizemeat is SO much more attractive than stink-holes!"

You are talking about your stink-hole, aren't you?

by Anonymousreply 2911/28/2012

You don't have to be bisexual, or conflicted, or in the closet to consider going out with a guy (even though later you flee realizing it was a mistake) - it is just so hard to find (lesbian) women.

by Anonymousreply 3011/28/2012

A few women among my parents' friends (50-60) left their husbands to be with other women, and in one case together. Late in life lesbianism is so weird! In a man I'd call it bisexuality but it seems kind of different. Kind of asexual even?

A female friend with two little kids says that she has basically no sexuality now that she's done breeding. She said she loves her husband but has no sex drive. I told her she should consider late in life lesbianism, and she said she would if lesbian bed death was a guaranteed part of it.

by Anonymousreply 3111/28/2012

Sexual orientation is not determined by who you have sex with; it's defined by who you fall in love with. I can have an orgasm by rubbing my crotch against the corner of my kitchen table -- but I didn't fall in love with it.

I always tell straight people sexuality is all about who makes your heart go pitter-patter when they walk into the room. And not only is that true, it's also something they understand.

by Anonymousreply 3211/28/2012

Well said R32.

by Anonymousreply 3311/28/2012

Bi female here, in a lesbian relationship for 25 years and have remained faithful to my wonderful partner. That being said, I wouldn't kick George Clooney out of bed. There are many times when I physically crave a man. I had a bf previous to this relationship - he and I were together for 5 years, and he was amazing in bed, just ... amazing. *sigh*

by Anonymousreply 3411/28/2012

You are so right(R)32.

I've had long term relationships with men and women. Now I'm married to a man and it's the best relationship I've ever had. I had no fantasy or notion ever in my life of getting married but our circumstances made it necessary. As I said, I'm very happy but I didn't get married because I was fulfilling some fantasy from childhood.

I've always been naturally bi. I've always fallen in love with individual people. I don't have a strong sexual orientation that leads me one way or another. I do have a strong sex drive and I've found it mysterious why sex "works" with some people and doesn't with others, even those to whom I've been initially very attracted.

That being said, if my current relationship were to ever end for any reason I would hesitate to go back into a lesbian relationship at least with a strongly identified lesbian. My relationships with lesbian women have been exhausting and fraught with jealousy. I also don't like the constant pressure to tow the party line that exists in most lesbian communities. It takes its toll on relationships, even if both the parties decide to ignore it.

by Anonymousreply 3511/28/2012

Have any of you bisexual women here identified as lesbians while you were with women? Just curious.

by Anonymousreply 3611/28/2012

""A few women among my parents' friends (50-60) left their husbands to be with other women, and in one case together""

But not until after they had ripped off both men to the tune of enough for them to live nice for the rest of their lives (aka "divorce")

by Anonymousreply 3711/28/2012

i've read that all females are bi

is this true?i want lesbian/bi answers

by Anonymousreply 3811/28/2012

I disagree with r14 on one point - I don't find men easier to get along with. They may like to pretend they're easy-going, but they are high maintenance in their own way.

Women can be hard work, but they're also more stimulating and more rewarding. And relationships with them are reciprocal. You tend to get back what you put into it. That's not necessarily true with men. With men, you can give and give and give and never get anything in return.

by Anonymousreply 3911/28/2012

R31, I am similar to your friend have two college age children, mid 40s, care for my husband, no sex drive, and just not that worried about it.

Frankly, I could see myself w/a lady and understand older women who partner w/another lady as they age. Personally, women make better companions than men. Especially, as older men are generally inflexible compared to women.

by Anonymousreply 4011/28/2012

Totally agree, R39

R35, there really hasn't been a "tow the party line" thing with lesbians since the late 80s early 90s

by Anonymousreply 4111/28/2012

females are mehsexual: whatever is suitable to their current needs.

by Anonymousreply 4211/28/2012

So not true, R42. You couldn't pay me a million dollars to dine and the Y (well, maybe a million). I love men--everything about them is delicious (as long as they're hot).

by Anonymousreply 4311/28/2012

I've known lesbians who left their husblands for women late in life and had wild sex. The thought of it was shocking to me, at the time.

These women were in their late 60s/early 70s.

by Anonymousreply 4411/28/2012

Old friend:

Chubby girl in high school, everyone's friend,

College, fell in love with gay boy, constant companion for 4 years.

Post college, disappointed unrequited affections for several young men followed by coming out as lesbian.

30-35, fucked up LTR with angry butch lesbian, complete with 30K wedding. House bought followed by announcement from wubby that she wanted to have a mistress. Angry split, got the house money back.

35-40, high paid lesbian about town, no serious relationship. Buys a vacation home.

40, falls in love with renovator of house, illegal alien Brit MALE. Ditches high paid job, gets married, spends life savings getting him legal, moves his daughter to US, gets pregnant.

44, stay at home soccer mom living in the country.

We call her our hasbian.

by Anonymousreply 4511/28/2012

[quote]Sexual orientation is not determined by who you have sex with; it's defined by who you fall in love with. I can have an orgasm by rubbing my crotch against the corner of my kitchen table -- but I didn't fall in love with it.

I feel so used!

by Anonymousreply 4611/28/2012

Agree with R32.

by Anonymousreply 4711/28/2012

"Personally, women make better companions than men. Especially, as older men are generally inflexible compared to women."

I find men are generally less flexible and adaptable than women. Also, any man in a female/male relationships expects to be pampered and coddled.

by Anonymousreply 4811/28/2012

R 45 here forgot to mention that the angry butch lesbian wubby turned out to be transgendered and got the operation.

by Anonymousreply 4911/28/2012

(R)41, I'm sure you're right. I know things have relaxed a lot and I'm not saying I haven't had a very good time hanging out in lesbian circles.

But even up until my last lesbian relationship in 2006, I found this overhang of it. It might have been because it was an academic circle. They were accepting of my bisexuality on the face of things but not really.

Still I shouldn't generalize on such a small sample.

by Anonymousreply 5011/28/2012

Yeah, um. They don't "leave" they just accept their bisexuality.

Which is fine, whatever but they're not straight. Sorry.

by Anonymousreply 5111/28/2012

I have a friend who did that. No, she's not some religious nut or some anti-gay person, nor did she self-loathe for being into women. She simply met a man she got along with quite well and decided to get married and have a family decades ago; and she's quite happy.

Whether she was bi or an erstwhile lesbian is a semantic discussion and a bore.

It would be really nice if we could stop trying to fit people into neat categories. For one thing, many people don't fit into neat categories. For another thing, putting people into neat categories is exactly the kind of world that people rebelled against during the big years of gay liberation, which was part of a larger movement about individuality, freedom and non-conformity; it always strikes me as bizarre that so many gay people have simply become exactly like their straight oppressors who saw fully mature and authentic people as fitting into a certain mold and never straying from it, that knowing who one is is subscribing to a finite list of who people can be.

by Anonymousreply 5211/28/2012

The majority of 'hasbiens' that I know eventually settled with men who could support them financially.

by Anonymousreply 5311/28/2012

It's WAY easier to be straight for a woman. We do not have to be visually turned on to have sex with a man. I am also very femme and straight acting, if I could find the same woman I would go back to being gay

by Anonymousreply 5411/28/2012

Does it really have to be said that most of these "lesbians" who turned straight were actually bisexuals all along?

by Anonymousreply 5511/28/2012

I am a bi woman who's had difficult relationships with both men and women, so I can't say that one can be generally better than the other. It completely depends on the person, IMO.

But I have always gotten along with men, much better than women. I find men to be great friends (if there is no attraction); straight forward and drama free. Also, I love working with men, even those labeled as difficult. I "get them." It's a very easy professional conversation for me. With some women office becomes a support group for various problems, and I find that rather distracting and exhausting in a work environment.

As a rule, best professional advice has always come from my male friends.

by Anonymousreply 5611/28/2012

[quote]Have any of you bisexual women here identified as lesbians while you were with women? Just curious.

I've never identified as anything. I love mutually-decided upon flings with other single people, but I don't like very long-term romantic relationships very well. And no, I'm not a whore. Maybe when I'm older I will change my mind and want a companion.

Also? Men=HIGH MAINTENANCE. In general, at least.

I require a really specific type of personality to jive. It has come in the form of both men and women, but hardly ever overall.

by Anonymousreply 5711/28/2012

I wish lesbians would get over the gender roles. I noticed a lot more femmes are out now thank God

by Anonymousreply 5811/28/2012

I've always found the precarious line between "gay" and "trans" very interesting to observe. For both sexes.

by Anonymousreply 5911/28/2012

[quote]Also? Men=HIGH MAINTENANCE. In general, at least.

[quote]I [italic]require a really specific...[/italic]

Anybody else see the irony here?

by Anonymousreply 6011/28/2012

I know two women like this. "J" was very involved in a lesbian relationship when "J" developed cancer and her gf left her. She said she couldn't deal with her health problems. She met a guy who stood by her during her cancer treatments, etc. I think it's more of a loyalty, stability type of thing for her. Not that she doesn't love him but I still think she prefers women sexually but she will stand by him.

The other one was married with kids, then had an affair with her male boss, broke his marriage up and then married him. Then she met some woman and began a lesbian affair which broke up her relationship with her boss/husband, now she's back with a man last I heard. She is a true flake though. She really went after her boss and would call his wife and tell her she was screwing him, then when she finally succeeded in getting him she lost interest.

by Anonymousreply 6111/28/2012

Oh god, R60, it's not that I'm specialer than everyone else. I can't help it if I don't have chemistry with someone unless they have a certain personality combo (or lack of certain personality traits). And I by "require" I don't mean demand that it comes to me when I say so. I relish it when it comes along and is mutual.

by Anonymousreply 6211/28/2012

r/54/58, why did you find it necessary to post this insult based on total ignorance of the op?

[quote]sorry ugly butch op. I went for a REAL man

by Anonymousreply 6311/28/2012

Geez, we gay men definitely have our problems, but at least we know that 100% of men who call themselves gay are actually gay. Not flakers.

by Anonymousreply 6411/28/2012

I wish the myth about men being low-maintenance and drama-free was actually true. My relationships with them (and life in general, I suppose) would be so much easier.

by Anonymousreply 6511/28/2012

r59- Many gay people have gender identity issues

by Anonymousreply 6611/28/2012

R64 -- men have been known to leave men for women ... ones who'd never had a straight relationship before ... sorry to burst your bubble!

by Anonymousreply 6711/28/2012

Lots of these cases are bisexual women, not lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 6811/28/2012

r68, I know 3 full on femme lesbians who are now married to men due to the grossness of most dykes

by Anonymousreply 6911/28/2012

Seeing that romance is disappointing, I'd probably rather just marry the person I get along with best, who has the most money.

I think cultures who practice this have the right idea.

by Anonymousreply 7011/28/2012

These "full on femme lesbians" married men because most dykes are too masculine for their tastes?

Something stinks, and Cheryl left the room long ago.

by Anonymousreply 7111/28/2012

Bullshit r69. Those women where never lesbians, they were bisexuals who called themselves lesbians.

Switch genders and I doubt you would debate that.

by Anonymousreply 7211/28/2012

Holly Near

Tons of LUGS

End thread

by Anonymousreply 7311/28/2012

are there any real lesbians who are soft, feminine and nice personalities?

by Anonymousreply 7411/28/2012

r74 troll-dar makes it obvious what you are doing.

by Anonymousreply 7511/28/2012

R14 here. Just to clarify, I agree that not all straight men are easy to get along with. My two straight sisters go for very good looking men, and those straight pretty boy types are more vain and high maintenance than gay guys.

by Anonymousreply 7611/28/2012

R76 Well, and those guys who aren't necessarily pretty, but look to "marry their mothers." And the ones who say they're okay with a woman being better than them at something (other than "girly" things), but they're really not okay with it at all. And the ones who can't communicate. Sparse or repressed communication is probably just as bad as melodramatic oversharing.

by Anonymousreply 7711/28/2012

R67, I've never met a gay man who calls himself gay, who is actually straight. Not once. Never in all these years.

I have, however, met TONS and TONS of supposed "straight guys" who are actually gay and hiding in various forms of closetness.

by Anonymousreply 7811/28/2012

r78- keep telling yourself that doll!

by Anonymousreply 7911/28/2012

R77 gets it.

by Anonymousreply 8011/28/2012

I was thinking as the population continues to increase perhaps humans become more open sexually. The need to pro-create is becoming less of a concern and humans have all sorts of natural instincts that kick in depending on what's going on in the world.

by Anonymousreply 8111/28/2012

I was involved with other women for a good portion of my young adulthood. I really enjoyed the emotional closeness but never really totally enjoyed the sexual involvement. I was fortunate to meet a great guy and have been with him for a number of years. He is great sexually and we have a wonderful relationship. He knows I was a lesbian and at times he questions my involvement with him, but I am truly happier in this environment. Maybe I just never met the right woman? I know that there are very few guys like mine, so I count my blessings. I never longed to go back to being with women.

by Anonymousreply 8211/28/2012

When I refer to men as "high-maintenance," it's not just about physical vanity. I'm also thinking about the ones who repress their emotions but lose their tempers over stupid things, the ones with fragile egos who need to be handled with kid gloves, the controlling, arrogant ones who need to feel "masculine" and in charge, the childish ones who need to be looked after/taken care of.

by Anonymousreply 8311/28/2012

You are bisexual r82. Please stop calling yourself a lesbian for the love of god.

by Anonymousreply 8411/28/2012

I know 2 sisters from the same family who claim that they are lesbian because of rotten relationships with men. Make of that what you will. Considering that one of them ended up with the biggest cunt who ever cunted make me wonder what kind of troll men she actually dated. Serial killers, maybe. Can't think of anything else.

by Anonymousreply 8511/28/2012

I've never considered myself a lesbian because I don't fall in love with women. I've tried. I like having sex with women but I feel guilty about it because I don't want to lead them on.

Men don't care if you just fuck them and leave them. Most of them like it better that way it seems. But the women can want more and I always feel so bad for them. Part of me wishes I could fall in love with one.

Maybe I just relate to men better because I was raised with all boys. I only knew about three girls growing up so I was completely socialized with males.

by Anonymousreply 8611/28/2012

R31, what's a "lesbian bed death"?

by Anonymousreply 8711/28/2012

I was raised in an all female environment including the kids on my block who were all female except for 2 boys.

I understand women and I feel comfortable with them and I know how to woo them to like me if I feel so inclined. I like that about myself, because I, for the most part, just really appreciate women. There can be an undercurrent of sexuality to my approach sometimes, because that just happens if you are willing to woo people (regardless of gender.) But I'm straight.

There is no point to this post just that that is what I thought of when I read R86's post.

by Anonymousreply 8811/28/2012

r32 got it right. I like men as friends and my two closest friends are gay men, but I'm attracted to women and only like sex with women. An attractive woman will make my heart go pitty pat. Unfortunately I don't encounter too many attractive (to me) lesbians, however this shortage has not "turned" me to having sexual relationships with men. I wish I were bisexual it would give me more options sexually.

by Anonymousreply 8911/28/2012

I had sexual encounters with women when I was young and I still find women sexy but not in a "I want to have sex with you" way. I am sure I am not a lesbian. I guess when you are young you just like to experiment.

by Anonymousreply 9011/28/2012

R79, R74, R69, R66, R58, R64 and R12 is why I hate that straight women - not counting her momentary confusion at R54 - feel entitled to post here. She needs to take her meds.

by Anonymousreply 9111/28/2012

People say "women" as if all women are the same. I think a gay/lesbian person is not really just a matter of sex with the same sex. The best kind of lesbian personality is a smart, independent woman, and a bit of a rebel with an intellectual & emotional intensity. That is miles away - a galaxy away from a conformist straight female. There can be smart straight women, too, but they are different.

by Anonymousreply 9211/28/2012

I feel the same way, R89.

by Anonymousreply 9311/28/2012

A lot of people that have been labeled "bisexual" on this thread are just fucked up. And don't think it is just about who or what they are dating.

by Anonymousreply 9411/28/2012

R92 You're entitled to your opinion. I have a genuine question, though. Do you think this would contribute to why, nowadays, more women are being "suspected" as gay by other people? Particularly among white people, I feel. It seems as soon as there is a woman who doesn't quite fit a feminine paradigm, she "pings."

by Anonymousreply 9511/28/2012

" That is miles away - a galaxy away from a conformist straight female."

Though I understand what you are saying, I wish you didn't have to sound so contemptuous of straight women in saying in. But whatever.

by Anonymousreply 9611/28/2012

R95, people in general talk about people being gay (and sexual-related things) more than they used to. I think only gay/lesbian people would use the term "ping." I think people have always noticed women that did not conform to the stereotypical role for women - they were often viewed negatively by the mainstream society. Probably still are, for the most part.

by Anonymousreply 9711/28/2012

Well, didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, R96 - but you know what I mean.

by Anonymousreply 9811/28/2012

I feel bad for 100% lesbians that they have to deal w/ the waffling wishy-washyness of "don't label me"/pansexual/bisexual/trisexual/curious-but-mostly-straight women. I've known at least a dozen chicks who suddenly declared a bisexual/les identity, only to end up with men.

That shit must be frustrating.

by Anonymousreply 9911/28/2012

Hopefully, they are just avoiding them, R99.

by Anonymousreply 10011/28/2012

I agree, r99. That's why I tend to avoid self-proclaimed lesbians. It's not fair to them.

by Anonymousreply 10111/28/2012

R97, In my experience, I'd say straight people do keep track of their own version of pinging. They may reduce it down to "weird" or "off", but I feel they're usually at least somewhat aware of how so. Which is a shame if it just perpetuates judgement of sexual orientation. Because that shouldn't be a factor, and it can't always be 100% accurate anyway.

by Anonymousreply 10211/28/2012

I'm a bi woman who's been with my girlfriend for 7 years. I guess I'm the opposite of the stereotypical bisexual female--I prefer casual hookups with guys and relationships with women, or at least I did prior to entering my current relationship. I'm actually attracted to more men than women, but I've never been with a guy who could get me off. If my girlfriend and I ever break up, I honestly don't know who I'll date. I'm a femme who only likes other femmes and I hate all the drama that lesbians seem to thrive on. On the other hand, the thought of setting down with a man and being expected to pop out a kid or two sounds god-awful. I want to be a parent--I just don't want to give birth, and lesbianism is the best form of birth control that I can think of.

And yes, I realize that I probably sound screwed up. Growing up in a Fundie household with a closeted gay father and Dominionist mother can have that effect on a person.

by Anonymousreply 10311/28/2012

Straight people do not use the term "ping," but yes, I am sure they categorize people with put-downs that are not straight (or conformist). It is not from the same viewpoint - they are judging, categorizing, while the gay people really want to know (on a personal level, for dating, possibly), or because so much of gay culture has to be decoded.

by Anonymousreply 10411/28/2012

[quote] more women are being "suspected" as gay by other people? Particularly among white people, I feel.

Could someone please explain this?

by Anonymousreply 10511/28/2012

Anne Heche?

by Anonymousreply 10611/28/2012

Most fish get involved with a man only for what they can take(ususally financial) from a man.

by Anonymousreply 10711/30/2012

i don't think there is such a thing as happy heterosexuality

by Anonymousreply 10811/30/2012

R3, you are so plain and homely and have a horrid hair style - how could you have been a stripper?

by Anonymousreply 10911/30/2012

Many people who are gay or bi feel peer pressure, and pressure in general to stay closeted. Sometimes they haven't even really contemplated what good sex could be like with the same sex. It's a privileged minority that has good, dimensional sex education. I find that some millenials have more obvious sex ed than I had growing up. Annoying as hell sometimes to people who KNOW they are NOT STRAIGHT, that actual info about how to have the most enjoyable sex is suppressed because of homophobia. Although personally by now I am analysing pornography and digesting what I find actually sexy, whilst barfing up aspects of it I do not.

by Anonymousreply 11011/30/2012

R107: what else does a str8 man offer?

She gets awesome orgasms from her vibrator; emotional support and laughs from her female friends.

by Anonymousreply 11111/30/2012

R111, you must know very sad, pathetic straight women if their boyfriends/husbands are so useless. Most of the straight women I know (sisters, friends, co-workers) are very much in love with their husbands. What a strange, sad bunch of wenches you know.

by Anonymousreply 11211/30/2012

R112, do you know any srt8 men who can compare in emotional sensitivity to women?

If so, I can assure you I've probably sucked their dicks.

by Anonymousreply 11312/01/2012


by Anonymousreply 11412/01/2012

[quote][R112], do you know any srt8 men who can compare in emotional sensitivity to women?

I do. They may be rare, but they do exist. For some reason, all of my male friends are sensitive type of guys. Though, you'd never tell by the way they look.

Some of it is societal. Men are not supposed to show vulnerability. In men, vulnerability is mistaken for weakness. It's OK for women to cry in public, but not for men. Let alone in a work environment.

by Anonymousreply 11512/01/2012

Ha, it is NOT okay for women to cry in public.

And if these men are so rare, I'd hardly call R111's hypothetical female friends "sad, pathetic wenches" for not being able to locate any. Don't be a jerk.

Also, women may love their husbands, or think they do, or act like they do, but the bottom line? You're not in the relationship. You can never really tell. Sometimes I've been convinced that a long-term couple is really in true love...then I'm proven very wrong about that.

There are very few women and men who see eye-to-eye in their definitions of respect and sensitivity. This is why I enjoy being a "hit it and quit it" straight woman.

by Anonymousreply 11612/01/2012

[quote]This is why I enjoy being a "hit it and quit it" straight woman.

Love it!

by Anonymousreply 11712/01/2012

"Most of the straight women I know (sisters, friends, co-workers) are very much in love with their husbands. What a strange, sad bunch of wenches you know."

They're not "very much in love". They're like dogs or trained seals. Most straight women I know put up with all sorts of insane shit from men because they feel they're nothing without a man, any piece of shit man.

by Anonymousreply 11812/01/2012

It's not really complicated. There are very few stable, fun lesbians out there with whom you can share your life. I've thought about leaving my life behind and look for relationships and marriage with men, but then I think about having to sleep with a man and I snap back to reality.

r18 has a point too. My straight friends in relationships with men have far less financial responsibility than any lesbian.

by Anonymousreply 11912/01/2012

Lots of misandry and heterophobia from r116 and r118.

by Anonymousreply 12012/01/2012

I feel the same way R89 and R119

by Anonymousreply 12112/01/2012

[quote]I can have an orgasm by rubbing my crotch against the corner of my kitchen table

Did you mean to post this in the "Awkward Thanksgiving Moments" thread?

by Anonymousreply 12212/01/2012


by Anonymousreply 12312/01/2012

Misandry and heterophobia? Jesus. Explain.

by Anonymousreply 12412/01/2012

Well, r124, both 116 and 118 seem to believe there are no happy heterosexual relationships. Both those posters also do a bit of male bashing. Read the posts carefully. Oh, threads here at DL constantly show that many gays and lesbians have unhealthy relationships as often as straight people do.

by Anonymousreply 12512/01/2012

Those poor, oppressed heterosexuals.

by Anonymousreply 12612/01/2012

(R118) Are you nuts?

The most abusive relationship I was ever in was with a woman. It's taken me years to get over it. I'm married to a man now who is one of the kindest people I've ever known.

People are very varied. Gender doesn't guarantee anything in terms of behavior.

by Anonymousreply 12712/01/2012

i am a straight man looking for love again, especially after a divorce. and having my wife cheat on me with another woman, really devastated me. much more women nowadays are into other women, which certainly disgusts me. there is now so many low life women today than ever before, which is the problem for us straight serious men that want to have a life to share with a woman.

by Anonymousreply 12812/12/2012

Okay, R128, I'll succumb to the trollery.

It may have happened to you, but "much more" women aren't into other women these days. You must be a rare breed of man yourself for wanting to share your life with presumably only one woman.

You can find love again, but perhaps you should first look at what you contributed to the deterioration of your last might have something to do with poor communication at the least, but I obviously don't know.

In the meantime, I assure you that there are NOT "so many" lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 12912/12/2012

I can't believe you answered R128.

by Anonymousreply 13012/12/2012

I'm bored today.

by Anonymousreply 13112/12/2012

i am a straight man that can't believe that we have so much more lesbians than we ever had before, and if they turn the other way to look for a man that would be a miracle since i am looking to meet a good woman myself.

by Anonymousreply 13204/04/2013

and you bumped this thread to share THAT?!

by Anonymousreply 13304/04/2013

Not a huge leap, if you think about it. Some lesbians are so mannish, and they're already using dildos, so...

by Anonymousreply 13404/06/2013

Some lesbians choose to live a heterosexual lifestyle, but it isn't 'happily' whatever they may seem on the surface.

Some come to admit or understand that they're bisexual and choose to spend their life with a man, whether for love or because it's easier.

No lesbian would truly be happily to be in a relationship with a man, just as no gay man would truly be happy to be in a relationship with a woman.

by Anonymousreply 13504/06/2013

Some lesbians are Only in it for the bread pudding!

by Anonymousreply 13604/06/2013

So.. I enjoy casual hook-ups, dates with men. I adored the guys I'd been with, but was never passionately in love with them. Inside I've always longed to be with a nice woman. Only a few times when I fell insanely in love, they were all women whom I had deep romantic feelings for, wanted to have sex and long, faithful relationship with. When I was with them, I was simply happy and never missed having sex with men at all. I was just very lucky to have met the gorgeous women I loved by chance whem I was younger.

But now.. honestly I'm not into typical LA/NY lesbian scene at all (no offence), haven't particularly fancied most women (gay or straight) around me for sex or dates. Very depressing situation indeed, and now that I don't even live in a nice liberal place anymore it only gets worse. Since it's nearly impossible to find a woman I can fall in love, and it's much easier to date men, I continue the cycle of entering a short, pleasant relationship with men I find sexy but don't love much, breaking up, being single, then starting it again.

I'm not confused, never claimed lesbian or straight. Just very frustrated and never want to get married/have babies (the thought suffocates me). I still crave for a real relationship with a woman. Wonder I can find one again.

by Anonymousreply 13704/06/2013

You sound pretty gay to me, r137.

by Anonymousreply 13804/06/2013

It totally depends on the man, it totally depends on the woman. May I just say that? And on the particular dynamics between a certain women and a specific man. There's no predicting.

I'm a gay man and I don't like anyone. Sometimes I like to tell myself that men are easier than women, but I know a lot of men who need and need and need and cannot return the attention. Gay men and straight men.

I also like to tell myself that women are smarter and funnier and more supportive but I have known women, gay and straight, who were manipulative in ways they were not even aware of.

Hell is other people.

He is also you.

by Anonymousreply 13904/07/2013

Ann Myers Drysdale? Pat Summit? Sharone Stone's sister? Kate Capshaw? no, you said happy heterosexuality

by Anonymousreply 14004/07/2013


That's it. Nothing else.

by Anonymousreply 14104/07/2013

I just got dumped by my gf of just over 3 years. She had never been with a woman before me- and identified as straight. They were the happiest years of my life. She dumped me saying that she couldn't deal with the physical aspects of our relationship- that it just wasn't clicking for her despite every other facet being great. She wants to be BFFs again- but I can't handle that- my heart is just too broken. I wish I had a distraction- everyone around me says I'm a catch- I just don't feel like it though- this has just devastated me.

by Anonymousreply 14204/07/2013

I'm so sorry, R142. Having a broken heart is the worst, and I can relate to it even though our experiences may not be the same.

I would love for there to have been only one sex of human. With reproduction possible, of course.

by Anonymousreply 14304/07/2013

I'm very sorry to hear that r142.

To lesbians: would you never give a chance to a bisexual or "straight until now (as in r142's gf's case I guess) even when there's undeniable sexual attraction?

Kinda sad to know how much lesbians hate bisexuals, then I can see why hearing some stories...

by Anonymousreply 14404/07/2013

Thanks 143/144. It's interesting- I have always identified as a lesbian- but have never required the woman I was with to identify as anything- she just needs to be committed to me. That has been shaken a little bit now- but who knows what the future holds...

by Anonymousreply 14504/07/2013

I can understand the resentment toward true bisexuals, but how unfortunate to desire any two+ things that contradict each other at the same time, not feeling "complete" without all of it. It must cause the well-meaning ones a lot of grief.

And it goes to show that romance is a (poorly) constructed institution.

by Anonymousreply 14604/07/2013

I am bisexual and I don't at all feel "incomplete" when I am in a relationship. When I am with a woman, I don't crave men (or other women), and when I am with a man I don't crave women (or other men).

I have always been monogamous. In fact, my long term lesbian lover was the one who cheated and broke my heart, not me the bisexual.

by Anonymousreply 14704/07/2013

In college we called them LUGs. Lesbian Until Graduation. I know tons of them.

by Anonymousreply 14804/07/2013

R147,I am the same way. Thanks for speaking up for us bisexuals who don't feel incomplete and certainly don't crave other when in a relationship.

I get how some lesbians feel suspicious towards us, but insecurity is a big turn off.

by Anonymousreply 14904/07/2013

[quote] But not until after they had ripped off both men to the tune of enough for them to live nice for the rest of their lives (aka "divorce")

Very few women aged 50-60 get alimony. And child support ends at 21. It's doubtful they walked away better off financially than if they stayed.

by Anonymousreply 15004/07/2013

This is not a popular opinion, but the male body was made for sex with either a male or female. This may not be by accident. For procreation you need a man to empregnate a lot of women for species survival. So they need to be horny. Men also had to go off to hunt with other men, and having sex with one another would satiate the horniness.

Whereas with females, the plumbing does not help lesbian sex. It's like the female body was not made to have sex with another female. I've heard many women say that if women had a penis equivalent there would be ten times more lesbians than there are now.

by Anonymousreply 15104/07/2013

I thought that penetration wasn't important to lesbians?

I doubt most lesbians use dildos at all-just straight women who are experimenting.

by Anonymousreply 15204/07/2013

I don't get the resentment lesbians have when relationships with women who formerly identified as straight end badly. It's not like it was entirely out of the realm of possibilities. It's always a risk.

by Anonymousreply 15304/07/2013

Holly Near who used to be a separatist lesbian has been married to a man for years.

These other 2 dykes I knew in their 20's are both into men now, they were both BUTCH as hell too. Now they're feminine hausfraus.

by Anonymousreply 15404/07/2013

[quote]male body was made for sex with either a male or female.

No, the male body evolved for vaginal penetration. The anus evolved for evacuation of fecal matter; however it can be penetrated.

If you are saying that the clitoris did not evolve to penetrate, you are correct.

by Anonymousreply 15504/07/2013

My Mom.

Married my Dad at 22 (he was 49!). Widowed at 37. Had lesbian affair after my father died.

The lesbian was a crazy woman who eventually threatened to "get rid of" me and my brother (we were teens then) b/c she wanted my mom to herself. Police. Drama.

Then back on the penis train with my stepfather. Had a baby girl at age 41.

The dyke drama was unfortunate for that relationship but my mother was a total bottom - she "allowed herself to be loved" as she put it (I cringed and squirmed when she later told me all this!) - so I think hers was a temporary bisexual reaction to my father's "last call" philandering (with women and men) in his final cancerous years of life (though he was a womanizer all his life).

Stepfather has now been dead for two years. At 79, and a fully respected professional/public figure in her country, Mama Drama says she's done with relationships and sex, and is especially not willing to take up with some octogenarian whose underwear she'd have to wash and fold (gives you a hint on my patriarchal country of origin).

by Anonymousreply 15604/07/2013

I think there are plenty of women who probably are more lesbian than straight who end up in relationships with men because of straight privilege and because it's so much easier to find a male companion.

by Anonymousreply 15704/07/2013

I see that many women marry for money and security and then once they get old-looking and the guy leaves or dies she "turns lesbian" because she "always had that in her."

I call bullshit on that. Many women think it's okay to be fat and sloppy and attract a woman as well. Women are now using lesbians as back-up plans when the guy leaves or dies.

I think that in general women are opportunistic because of children and because they make less money. And they also think it's okay to be a "bottom" and call themselves gay when they get divorced. These women must be huge pains in the asses for true-blue lesbians.

I feel sorry for true lesbians. No wonder they all suffer from depression and/or alcoholism.

Maybe they have it better in Europe, who knows.

by Anonymousreply 15804/07/2013

Straight women don't have lesbians as a "back-up" plan. That is such a dumb statement.

Straight women don't want to lick pussy. Do you? You have a woman as your back up plan when you old, fat, and ugly and can't get a man?

by Anonymousreply 15904/07/2013

Is there a companion thread about men leaving behind queer lives for Frau-land?

FAR more important, should I start one?

by Anonymousreply 16004/07/2013

"I feel sorry for true lesbians. No wonder they all suffer from depression and/or alcoholism."

Gay men also have a higher rate of depression and/or alcoholism than the general population.

by Anonymousreply 16104/07/2013

Kind of r160. There's a thread about how some guy's ex is now married to a chick. I assume that's why this was bumped.

by Anonymousreply 16204/07/2013

Wow it seems even lesbians want men. We just can't be left alone. But hey I'm not surprised. Women are the worst. I agree with that much. Poor men. They have the straight women begging to be with them now they have to put up with the lesbos. So glad to be a gay man.

by Anonymousreply 16304/07/2013

[r163]: don't worry, I'm sure you're pretty safe. But put on your queer riot gear just in case.

by Anonymousreply 16404/07/2013

After reading this thread, I don't think ANY man is safe R164.

by Anonymousreply 16504/07/2013

These women who "left" lesbianism are bi.

by Anonymousreply 16604/07/2013

R166 is correct. Bi, but living a heterosexual life.

Freepers take note- many choose the heterosexual lifestyle, despite not being born a pure-bred hetero.

by Anonymousreply 16704/07/2013

[r163]: surely you'll understand that it's access to male privilege they seek and not as much men themselves. Women rarely murder or stalk men who left them, women rarely (never) put peeping tom cameras in dressing rooms, etc., women rarely harass men on streets, and so on.

by Anonymousreply 16804/07/2013

Sure they do R168. But more so they obsess and use men. There is ALWAYS an excuse for a woman to get with a man. Women are pathetic and this thread just confirms that. Have you even read it? I have and I am NOT surprised.

by Anonymousreply 16904/07/2013

R163 is joking right? Right?

No actual lesbian wants a man or sleeps with men. You're quite safe darling, from straight women too as I think even they can detect the maryness wafting off you from miles away and know to stay clear.

by Anonymousreply 17004/07/2013

[r169] women are not any more pathetic than married male closet cases cruising for men on the side.

by Anonymousreply 17104/07/2013

I see very dykey looking women with husbands. What's up with that?

You know what-- I think they are lesbians but hang on to a man for the security. I think that's really shitty and cowardly.

It's these women--short hair, wide asses, croc-wearing, thunder thighed--that hold on until the poor sap dies and then they announce they are gay. They can't make it with any men because they have let themselves go, so they figure that the "dyke" look will suit them better and then chase women.

You'll see these broads spending their dead husband's money on booze, pizza, wierd haircuts and SUV's.

Then some lonely and VERY unlucky lesbian will get lassoed in and wonder why this newfound lesbian only talks about herself and her brood.

This is the hell that real true-blue lesbians must contend with, I think.

by Anonymousreply 17204/07/2013

Belinda Carlisle, I'm lookin' at you!

by Anonymousreply 17304/07/2013

r172, if your idea of a gay woman is by your definition of "dyke looks" such as you described then you're really off and buying into the stereotype that gay women are basically women who have let themselves go and no men would want them.

But I would guess your purpose is just that, trolling the tired old stereotypes.

The responses here only reminds me that gay men and straight women have absolutely no idea what makes a gay woman tick. You cannot imagine life without dick, I can't imagine life with one.

by Anonymousreply 17404/07/2013

[quote]You cannot imagine life without dick, I can't imagine life with one.

So by extension, you are just as ignorant, even if you feel yourself to be righteous.

by Anonymousreply 17504/07/2013

Sit down, R163, though I'm sorry about your rough childhood. It takes two. If you're talking about shallow using and manipulation, neither sex is any better than the other, on the whole.

If you're talking about overt harassment, men categorically win the award for most frequently offensive (toward women).

by Anonymousreply 17604/07/2013

R163 is delusional, not joking.

by Anonymousreply 17704/07/2013

R174, No, I see cute lesbians--the true-blue kind, at many events and outings everywhere.

Don't deny that many married women look very masculine, do not bother with their appearance, throw on any old clothes, let their hair hang grey or get a butch cut, and don't bother with any social skills.

What ARE these old broads, anyway? They look like hard-core dykes but have sad-sack hubbies. What is their shit all about?

Please, someone tell me.

by Anonymousreply 17804/07/2013

Why are you so obsessed with women, R178? It's clear from your posts here and elsewhere that you hate us all, gay or straight.

Get some therapy.

by Anonymousreply 17904/07/2013

As a matter of fact, R174, just to further inform you, I think that lesbians *these days* look better than many straight women, especially married women.

The tide has changed--obesity is no longer 'in' and lesbians seem to have higher fitness levels, or at least try to, than married fraus.

Straight married women seem to be possessed by so much resentment that is so deeply buried that they must get ugly on purpose, as a source of revenge. Or, they think they've got the guy trapped, so they no longer have to bother.

Stright married couples seem like the most miserable creatures on earth--maybe we should rethink our position on gay marriage.

by Anonymousreply 18004/07/2013

I grew up hearing that lesbians were man haters. I don't ever recall hearing that gay men were woman haters.

DL has been enlightening.

by Anonymousreply 18104/07/2013

R179, I'm just trying to figure out all of the entitlement that is afforded to so many dour beings, male and female, that's all.

Such dreary creatures who receive all of the accolades for simply pushing out babies. You know, all of that walking hand in hand on the beach, when us gays can't fucking walk in safety in our own hometowns.

I think married straights should try harder, that's all. Why not look the part of the privilidged class, if that's what you are handed.

by Anonymousreply 18204/07/2013


[quote]When I refer to men as "high-maintenance," it's not just about physical vanity. I'm also thinking about the ones who repress their emotions but lose their tempers over stupid things, the ones with fragile egos who need to be handled with kid gloves, the controlling, arrogant ones who need to feel "masculine" and in charge, the childish ones who need to be looked after/taken care of.

Why does it never fail that people who complain that they can't find X in a person, invariably never give the tmie of day to those who are X?

by Anonymousreply 18304/07/2013

Do the middle-aged fraus realize they're 'lesbian' when house-hubby develops the titty-boobies at forty and she discovers she likes them?

We here at the Datalounge have written about the hormonal changes in the mid-life human population. Many revelations have come to life such as:

1) straight women start looking like dykes at fifty because of hair loss and subseqent butch cuts.

2) Male menopause is a thing to behold as men around fifty start to look, dress, and walk like giant toddlers.

All in all a most dreary sight to behold and enough to scare even old batshit satanist Alestair Crowley.

by Anonymousreply 18404/07/2013

I see the point you made r175 what I meant was I can see that there are people who are different from me and i cannot experience what they feel, just like they can't experience me, not that they are secretly in denial because they must in some ways feel the same way as I do. I am acknowledging that difference.

And r180, these "dykey" married women's husbands are no prize themselves. Perhaps the real answer is life takes over, things change, shit happens, people grow old and health deteroriates and maintaing your looks requires effort, time and money. And they could be good people beneath the "sad sacks", you know.

by Anonymousreply 18504/07/2013

well i am a straight guy looking for a good straight woman, but with so much more lesbians it makes it much harder now.

by Anonymousreply 18604/14/2013

I'm a gay guy looking for a straight guy to service me tonight, up for it?

by Anonymousreply 18704/14/2013

My straight gf also left me for a man, no surprise. I do like femme women, not the dykey look. I think straight women will be with another woman because it's more emotional. Not in a weird way, it's just men are so black and white. Women are good with cuddling and talking, men seem more into Eating, sex, sports, sex sex sex. I've been with men, (when I was younger and trying to prove how straight I was)and I hated it. There was zero feelings and it hurt like hell. Even kissing, because I was just not attracted to them. I can see the beauty of a man, but I don't want him touching me. My ex popped out a baby soon after, and when I talked to her, she said "I'm getting used to her" Her baby! I guess living the dream wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

by Anonymousreply 18804/14/2013

R188 many straight women are there for the sex. Sex with another woman is a big fantasy - having sex with someone who actually knows (and is interested) in your body.

by Anonymousreply 18904/14/2013

Oh yes, the sex was great. I guess what I was trying to say is, it isn't like "hey babe, I popped a boner, wanna do something about that?" Not that there aren't quickies, but it's mutual.

by Anonymousreply 19004/14/2013

reply to 187, all you gay sick people are polluting this earth.

by Anonymousreply 19104/15/2013


by Anonymousreply 19204/15/2013
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