My older sister died last week. She had been sick for a couple of years, getting progressively worse, and finally passed away in her sleep. We, my family, had lots of time to get used to the idea of her dying so it wasn't a shock.
My first reaction was relief. It was finally over. Her pain and suffering, the anxiety, the worry, the dreadful anticipation of what we knew was going to happen, etc. Then a calm kind of sadness descended. I had several teary moments but nothing terribly emotional. I went into action mode to arrange travel to be with my family. Once there, my job was to look after my elderly parents. Comfort them, take them around, shop for them, get them to the funeral, and so on.
The funeral was very emotional. It was beautiful (for a funeral) and a celebration of her life, but of course we were all hurting and teary. I gave a tribute at the service that I could barely get through, but did.
The entire ordeal was hardest on her husband and kids and my parents, of course. And my siblings and I all tried to be supportive and loving.
The week passed and I returned home yesterday. I was glad to get home, but then a different kind of sadness descended. A much more intense kind of grief. I had a few serious sobbing sessions and feel generally tired and emotional. Kind of on the verge of tears the whole time. The reality of my sister's death is sinking in and I can't get the image of her lying in the casket out of my mind. Or her coffin at the graveside. The loss is now real and personal.
Is this normal? Is it a case of my job of parent caretaker being done, and now it's my turn to grieve in the safety of my own home?
How do I proceed? Just let it all happen? Let the feelings and the tears take their place?
Or should I distract myself? Should I do hobbies, or read, or other distracting pursuits to take my mind off things?
I don't want to mope, or dwell on my sister's death of my own sense of loss. I know this too shall pass but I'm kind of having trouble with now.
How does this go?