Is there a statute of limitations for cheating?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years, lived together for 6 of those years. Last night I found out that he'd cheated on me (for about 6 months) 7 years ago. He said that because it was so long ago I didn't really have the right to be upset about it now.
I'm not so upset that he'd had sex with someone else but it really does hurt that it was a relationship, and there was a lot more to it than just sex (ya, I know that makes me sound Frau-ish). Also, why the f*ck did he tell me at all after all this time?
|by Anonymous||reply 24||11/21/2012|
It was seven years ago. Just suck it up and guilt something nice out of him for Christmas.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||11/20/2012|
He doesn't get to tell you how to feel. His saying that you don't have a right to be upset about it sounds more douchey to me than anything else.
He told you because he wanted to clear his own conscience, which is assholish. He should've kept it to himself.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||11/20/2012|
How did you find out? Did he come clean and tell you? If so, forgive and move on.
The real question, the elephant in the room, is WHY did he cheat? Was it because OP wasn't satisfying him? Were you going through a rough patch at the time and he did it to "test the waters" of single hood? Or OP is princess tiny meat, and he needed a real man for a change? Or maybe because he is a big slut.
Cheaters cheat. If he did it once, he has probably done it many times since and not gotten caught.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||11/20/2012|
You have to forgive me, Aiden.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||11/20/2012|
Jaidan, you don't forget or really forgive. He knew that and that's why he kept his dumbass mouth shut for six years.
No, this is a test. He has the seven year itch and he's making you into the dumper so he can portray himself as a victim.
1. Break his shit
2. Spend all of his money on something altruistic
3. Phone his mom
4. Share it on his Linkedin profile
|by Anonymous||reply 6||11/20/2012|
Why DID he tell you? That's the big question. Did he say he is unhappy in the relationship? It was a long time ago, but six months is a long time for an affair. It also went on for half the length of time you were together before moving in together. So basically, the foundation of your 8-year relationship was built on a gigantic lie. I'd have a very difficult time getting past that.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||11/20/2012|
My ex was a sex addict. He acquired HIV while were together. How in God's name I did not get infected, I don't know. When he told me, I told him....if you ever need me, you need me now. We have since broken up, he left me for another guy which worked out for about 3 days....LOL
|by Anonymous||reply 9||11/20/2012|
He doesn't get to decide what you have the "right" to be upset about. If he thought what he did was just fine, he never would have kept it a secret so long.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||11/20/2012|
Sweetie - you were 6 months into a new relationship. Yeah - it's assholish but the more critical question is if he's been loyal for the past 7 years. If yes - forgive and quit saying you've been together 8 years - just change it to 7 years together plus 1 year trial run. He chose you and you chose him (you just chose a little sooner than he did).
As humans - we're very quick to focus on relatively small things and forget the vast majority of other good things.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||11/20/2012|
I'm going to second R12 here: let it go.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||11/20/2012|
He probably feels enough guilt about it, presuming he's been faithful since. People make mistakes, especially early on in relationships. Only you can decide if you can get past it. If you can't, walk away.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||11/20/2012|
No one has given you the real reason he told you. He told you to deal with HIS own guilt. His telling you was selfish of him.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||11/20/2012|
Mr. BF may think it's water under the bridge and old news, but if it's a huge shock to the OP then he has every right to work through his feelings in his own time.
The fact that he's telling the OP what to feel is troubling. It's not only controlling, it's stupid! If he wanted it swept under the rug, all he had to do was keep his fool mouth shut.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||11/20/2012|
In my opinion, no. It doesn't matter if it happened years ago-you're only learning of it now so those feelings of mistrust and hurt are fresh. I know I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who cheated on me, whether I found out at the time of the affair(s) or some time down the road. He somehow kept it from you all this time and then chose to reveal it now, so he has to deal with the fallout (your reaction). Don't just brush it off.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||11/20/2012|
He's just telling you about it now, so "Now" is when it happened, as far as you are concerned. You have every right to be upset about it now.
Though, as others have asked, what is his motivation behind telling you now, after so many years?
Is he trying to start something? Is he looking for a way out? Does he want you get angry and call it quits so that he can claim that it was you who broke up with him over an incident from 7 years ago?
His cheating seems to be less of a concern now than his motivation behind bringing it up.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||11/20/2012|
[quote[He said that because it was so long ago I didn't really have the right to be upset about it now.
He's not the one to make this decision for you, and he is a completely insensitive asshole for daring to say this to you.
I'd dump him for saying that to me even more than I would for cheating on me.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||11/20/2012|
There's a lot of logical, insightful advice on this thread. Fuck that.
Put on the slutiest clothes you can find (tight jeans and a t-shirt that says "Catcher" above a baseball glove should do the trick).
Prance around your apartment while flirting with someone on the phone. Make sure the BF is in ear shot.
Grab your keys and head for the door. When the BF asks where you are going, just reply, "I'll tell you in 7 years."
|by Anonymous||reply 20||11/20/2012|
Yes, there is a statute of limitations. Unfortunately for OP's boyfriend, the time period starts now that OP has been told. In about six years, if they are still together, OP can no longer hold his cheating against him.
Start your clocks, boys!
|by Anonymous||reply 21||11/20/2012|
It depends what he's done in the meantime.
It depends on what you can live with.
Think it through before you act.
Don't take the advice of anybody here who posts negative energy shit.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||11/20/2012|
I would be beside myself, OP. Not because he had an affair. And not because he didn't tell you about it for so many years.
But because he has the audacity to tell you that you have no right to be upset about it.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||11/20/2012|
I would imagine this is not the first time he's tried to control your emotions, OP?
Like R23 says, this is really the most troubling.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||11/21/2012|