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Why do people bother with romantic relationships at all?

Ultimately, they seem to bring more negatives than positives.

Everyone thinks they've found The One, then...

by Anonymousreply 3611/19/2012

I did. But he runs after his students at college. Terrible thing, the midlife crisis.

by Anonymousreply 111/19/2012

Honestly, and not to sound bitter (because I'm decidedly NOT), I don't know. I'm 32, and have had two major relationships (7 years, 2 years). I did the shattering once and was shattered once. Both times it wasn't lying, cheating, or bad behavior that broke us up. Just life and growing apart for one of the involved parties. The pain that was caused wasn't worth the good times had. I won't do it again. Thankfully, I love being single and living life on my own terms. Good luck to people who feel otherwise...

by Anonymousreply 211/19/2012

R1, you just proved OP's point.

by Anonymousreply 311/19/2012

You'll fuck again, OP, and you'll FUCK HARD!

by Anonymousreply 411/19/2012

Because in the beginning it's such a high.

by Anonymousreply 511/19/2012

The most important key to happiness is to be content with yourself.

Romantic love is an addition just like booze, cigarettes, or gambling. It's nice to be drunk on a new infatuation, but the hangover isn't worth it.

by Anonymousreply 611/19/2012

Op...who is everyone? Maybe you're referring to the most people you know and to your own thoughts and fears. Personally, i want to believe that there is one in a million people that can stand out and be faithful, sensitive, emotional, deep and really caring. Sweetness is all we need in this world. Perfection, i'm afraid, that is something not possible and for the time being can't be possible... I have the same fears with you but i won't let my hopes to die just because they can die! R1, you deserve better than a cheater. Cheaters are always needy and greedy. I can excuse a needy heart but not a greedy one.

by Anonymousreply 711/19/2012

[quote]but the hangover isn't worth it

No kidding. I've had a two year hangover now. I need to move on. He's in Honolulu. I'm in Portland. He still tells me "I'm special", but I'm the one who calls not him. It's such BS, and I cling to it.

by Anonymousreply 811/19/2012

R7 The hangover worths it when the person who cause this to you is worthy of your love and you are worthy and ok with that. Sorry, for my preaching tone, i just got warm, that's all. R2, you might change your mind...love is not predictable. It is not predictable that one's feelings may change if there is indeed a strong bond between you and your lover. Of course i might change my mind too, but i hope i won't!

by Anonymousreply 911/19/2012

We do it for the rush of the first few months. Those are GREAT times, the best. But after a few months of honeymoon times, gay men get bored and either bitchy or controlling. Then, time to move on to the next honeymoon with the next guy. The vast majority of gay male "relationships" last no more than 18 months. And those short relationships are hardly sexually exclusive. They usually end after more parties have been brought into the sex to try to spice things up. Some gay male relationships do manage to last a bit longer, for those that "stick" the average is about 4 years. So the typical gay man will have a few of those 4 year on average relationships in their lifetime, with many more tries lasting 2 years or less. So, yes - why bother?! Just stay single and have fuck-buddies that you can be romantic with without being hitched to, less suffering for sure.

by Anonymousreply 1011/19/2012

That's ridiculous nonsense R10. I've only fallen out of love once. Most of them, I'm in it for life.

by Anonymousreply 1111/19/2012

I don't understand the psychology of the majority of gays. Why all this impermanence? Why all this need to fuck as many asses as possible or getting fucked by as many men as possible. I don't get it, it's a mystery to me. Is it fear that causes them to avoid to try hard for a relationship or is it just weakness? Lust and dead intentions prevail all the time, it doesn't have to be this way. Fight for your love, open up to the person you love, stop getting mad when you start feeling boredom with your lover. Get mad but keep your lover and try to dig deeper and deeper. Why all this...irresponsibility? Men in general are so irresponsible, i find this so frustrating when i see this in them. Men should be protective of their love.

by Anonymousreply 1211/19/2012

R10's post is a load of BS. I ought to know, I am 59. I have had two long term relationships and while both ended and of course had their difficulties, they were worth the time. I have had lots of affairs and shorter relationships as well- most of them loads of fun and full of adventure and surprise- often not all good- but then I have never expected for everything to be easy.

I hope to have some more of it too. To me it is about living, loving and lust and consumating all of it. I will only give it up when I cannot do it anymore. And yes, I believe that peace of mind comes from within, not from another person- in fact if you are not alright with yourself you are not going to be alright with another.

But the highest quality of life comes with love, particularly romantic love and good relationships. I have many many friends in good relationships of more than 10 years, and many less than 10 years. Whether they last 2 years or 40 years makes no difference. As they say, it is better to loved than to never have loved at all.

by Anonymousreply 1311/19/2012

charlie, now that you're pushing 70, I doubt you'll have another. Hired help does not count.

by Anonymousreply 1411/19/2012

Be the type of character you are seeking. Be warm, happy, positive, humorous, witty, caring, loving, energetic, exciting, etc. and soon the right one will come along who will realize he/she can never let you go.

And then the sex will blow your mind in ways an anonymous encounter never could.

by Anonymousreply 1511/19/2012

" But after a few months of honeymoon times, gay men get bored and either bitchy or controlling."

Speak for yourself and your own experiences. I've been with my guy for 11 years. I love him more than any other time in our relationship. The idea of life without him is unimaginable (and yes, i also know *anything* can happen).

No, we aren't literally drunk on each other the way we were for the first couple of years. But our connection has evolved into something i cant even put into words.

It hasn't been easy. We almost broke up two different times. And we fight (just like anyone else). But it has been worth. We've built something that no one else can if they're only in it for the short term.

by Anonymousreply 1611/19/2012

I have a BFF who was raised in a Buddhist household and she believes there is no such thing as failure in a relationship. If the relationship ends, then that simply means it has run it's course and your life is going to begin a new chapter. Look forward to seeing the new characters that will enter your life, they will bring excitement and joy, until it is time for the next chapter to begin.

by Anonymousreply 1711/19/2012

R10: Together with the same guy for going on 20 years now. Had our ups and downs sure.

But we're still together.

by Anonymousreply 1811/19/2012

OP is posting from his mom's basement while trying to keep the Cheetos dust off his keyboard.

by Anonymousreply 1911/19/2012

R14 why all this sassiness? There is always room for more than that. You have to realize it and you must realize that you can be kind if you try and you can mean it if there is hope and tenderness in you.

by Anonymousreply 2011/19/2012

21 years and counting in my relationship. Neither of us has been a complete angel, but we shoot for exclusivity and putting each other over everyone else, including family. The more time I spend with him, the more I like him. I think liking is more important than LOVE. My last relationship flared hot and heavy, but deep down the guy just didn't like me. He mostly just liked having sex with me and felt superior to me intellectually. After several years and a torturous breakup, I found this sweet guy who just wanted to be with me. No competitions, no hidden agendas and he actually listened when i talked and laughed at some of my jokes. We're not as passionate, but it's more of a slow burn.

by Anonymousreply 2111/19/2012

For R14.

by Anonymousreply 2211/19/2012

You can only bring to a relationship what YOU have to bring. From the inside out. Your own baggage, your own filters. No one else can make you happy. That's not how life works. If you give your power away, then you will be miserable and not even realize WHY. The people who will make you cry are not worth it and those who are worth it will not make you cry (and by cry, I mean HURT you.) Of course, people aren't perfect and sometimes we DO hurt the ones we love. But you know what I meant by this post, I hope. It's kind of a cheesy platitude but it is true.

If you are looking to make a relationship out of someone you lust after FIRST, good luck. That "ready, shoot, aim" approach doesn't work. It's called thinking with your dick. Youngsters MOSTLY do that, thinking they can mold the object of their lust into someone they actually LIKE and can grow to love. Not likely. That person may be an absolute asshole. But some men don't love themselves enough to see right through that. They are not the best judges of character when they are in lust. But they DO rationalize it. And so comes heartbreak.

Unfortunately, not everyone grows up or out of the "sex first" phase. The hormones do all the talking.

by Anonymousreply 2311/19/2012

R14- pushing 60 not 70, and I might even still be in the game at 70. Just visited my parents in their assisted living- and some of their peers even find new love and romance in their 80s.

Don't worry (doubt if you did), you did not insult me. I'd much rather be 59 healthy and ready to do it again than 30 and locked up emotionally and hell bent on not avoiding love because of fear of loss.

by Anonymousreply 2511/19/2012

R2, I'm beginning to agree with you. At 37, I feel like I don't know if I ever want to be in another relationship again. I've had a couple, and like most relationships, we had great times and bad times, but I just don't know if I could do it again. Break-ups take so much energy and life out of you, and it takes a very long time to heal, in my cases anyway. I just don't know if I'd want to put myself through it again. I'm quite content being single, however I do miss companionship and feeling like you're both a team. That is what I miss, but the romantic side, not so much.

by Anonymousreply 2611/19/2012

R22, that was a charlie thing, not an age thing. Are you new here?

by Anonymousreply 2711/19/2012

So R27, you were just looking to kick one of the positive people here and bring him down to your negative level?

by Anonymousreply 2811/19/2012

[quote]"Be the type of character you are seeking. Be warm, happy, positive, humorous, witty, caring, loving, energetic, exciting, etc. and soon the right one will come along who will realize he/she can never let you go."

that's too much work for the average queen who can only muster enough energy to be bitchy

by Anonymousreply 2911/19/2012

I also forgot to congratulate all the guests of this board who managed to have a long lasting relationship and let's hope that all the rest we can be as lucky and strong for that. Sometimes, we have the best intentions but out of weakness we give up...that's what i mean. We must get strong and fair. Not robots but fair. I know that all this sound corny and it might be annoying to gays with a certain kind of humour, but i'm sure that deep inside we all want something special and rare for ourselves. Cheap pleasures, i don't deny them, but you don't have to be a cheater or the cheating kind forever. You don't have to ridicule your inner needs or your dreams.

by Anonymousreply 3011/19/2012

first you have to find someone worth loving r12. For now I'll stick to the one time hookups and two semi-regular fuckbuddies.

by Anonymousreply 3111/19/2012

'For now' you said. That is hopeful. Maybe you get lucky in the future but you have to be ready to see your luck.

:)

by Anonymousreply 3211/19/2012

12 years here. Love him to pieces. Plan to spend the rest of my life with him.

OP, don't assume your poor track record is the norm. What is the common denominator in all of your failed relationships? That's right: you. Think about that.

by Anonymousreply 3311/19/2012

[quote]first you have to find someone worth loving [R12].

Be the best you can be and perhaps that someone will find you.

Love happens when you quit looking for it...as the saying goes.

by Anonymousreply 3411/19/2012

Thank you sugars. Take care all. Time for me to take a nap! Sweet dreams are welcomed...i hope they'll come. Bye...

by Anonymousreply 3511/19/2012

Of course you're right, R34. And I've had a few good longterm relationships. I call it good if we've managed to remain friends afterward - I can say that about three out of four. Right now it would take the man of my dreams to get me to commit again and I haven't met him yet.

This whole outlook could change by next year. All I know is I'm having fun now, getting most of what I need, without the extra stresses like problematic inlaws and forced friendships with needy flakes. I could go on.

by Anonymousreply 3611/19/2012
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