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LIZ and DICK review

From TV Guide (not online, alas):

An epic of pathetic miscasting, Lifetime's laughably inept and stunningly cynical biopic LIZ AND DICK isn't on a first-name basis with anything resembling humanity. Even deep breaths seem too much to ask of Lindsay Lohan these days, let alone capturing the essence of an exotic superstar sex symbol like Elizabeth Taylor....Pity Grant Bowler as he attempts to pitch woo to a petulant costar with the allure of an asp. The most authentic moment occurs when Liz informs Dick "I can't tell you a thing about acting."

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 6203/15/2013

Bwahahahaha!

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 111/14/2012

I saw it, it's wonderful! Lohan IS Liz,

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 211/14/2012

"I saw it, it's wonderful! Lohan IS Liz,"

You forgot the "ard" at the end of the sentence.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 311/14/2012

This really makes me want to see it.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 411/14/2012

DL fave Theresa Russell is in it, too. It's bound to be a crapfest.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 511/14/2012

You mean, and as the ads proclaim "Lindsay AS Liz". Big difference in ONE word, I dear say.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 611/14/2012

Oh, c'mon.

We weren't exactly expecting it to be any good, now were we?

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 711/14/2012

I'm predicting beer theater nights where people assign parts.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 811/14/2012

Fuck!!!

The fabulous Tanya Franks of "Pulling" is Sybil Burton?!

This was already on my calendar, but that bit of casting just sent it over the top. Can we hope for a scene where Tanya and Lindsay have it out?

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 911/14/2012

I predict this will become a DL camp classic.

It's the new "Riding the Bus With My Sister"

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1011/14/2012

in her defense, my daughter was going through a lot during the making of this and she wasn't given enough time to prepare with her acting coach!

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1111/15/2012

You bitches are so mean. I worked my ASS off for this! I suffered for my art for this!

Are you saying I can't even expect a Golden Globe nomination? Fuck!!!! Why does everything have to be fucking perfect.

I need a cigarette and a double Vodka.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1211/15/2012

Grant Bowler? So this stars LL and the male lead from "Atlas Shrugged"? Sounds great.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1311/15/2012

I can't wait for the porno-chic THE CANYONS.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1411/15/2012

This could send her over the edge. Be nice.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1511/15/2012

taylor should be alive. lohan should be dead.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1611/15/2012

What role does Theresa Russell play?

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1711/15/2012

She needs to od really soon.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1811/15/2012

Od, very od.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 1911/15/2012

Who plays Michael Jackson?

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2011/15/2012

Think it airs black friday. Perfect shit film for a thanksgiving weekend!

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2111/15/2012

You already know it: it'll get shite reviews and blockbuster ratings, out of morbid curiousity.

It will not result in a flood of offers for LiLo or anyone else involved.

The. End.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2211/15/2012

She's playing Liz Taylor not Larry Olivier. How is that even a difficult acting challenge?

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2311/15/2012

With Robbie Rest as Michael Jackson.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2411/15/2012

The Hollywood Reporter weighs in with some specific dish!

--

It should come as no great surprise that Lifetime’s Liz & Dick movie starring Lindsay Lohan is spectacularly bad. After all, it’s Lohan, more memorable in the tabloids than she ever was as an actress. No, the mystery here is whether Lifetime actually believed it had a major “television event,” as it says, because this was Lohan’s “highly anticipated comeback movie role,” as the channel’s website notes. Was Lifetime made giddy by the potential, or made blind by it? Most intriguing, did it know that casting Lohan of all people as Elizabeth Taylor would nearly burn Hollywood down -- and shock the rest of the country as well, thus ensuring enormous ratings?

Lohan is woeful as Taylor from start to finish. But, whatever you do, don’t miss Liz & Dick. It’s an instant classic of unintentional hilarity. Drinking games were made for movies like this. And the best part is that it gets worse as it goes on, so in the right company with the right beverages, Liz & Dick could be unbearably hilarious toward the tail end of the 90-minute running time. By the time Lohan is playing mid-’80s Taylor and it looks like a lost Saturday Night Live skit, your body may be cramped by convulsions.

At one point, Lohan has to shout, “I won’t live without you!” and then run down a hall. It’s like a high school play. She then tries to kill herself with booze and pills. If this starts to seem like a good idea to you, it’s time to switch the channel.

... the late-era Taylor is unveiled for the first time. The moment Lohan appears in this get-up, it’s impossible not to laugh. It really does look like SNL. She can’t really pull off the young, sexy Liz with much believability, so the mid-‘80s look is awkward squared. She gets the news of Burton’s death and faints -- a straight drop to the floor -- that also somehow seems inadvertently hysterical.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2611/16/2012

I think I have to have a viewing party. This movie may become my new holiday tradition!

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2711/16/2012

There should be viewing parties in gay bars across the countries

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2811/16/2012

Zap2It:

--

"Liz & Dick," Lindsay Lohan's corny "comeback vehicle," is so awful it makes the entire slate of Lifetime guilty-pleasure TV movies look like Masterpiece Theatre.

But if you've got a bottle of wine (or three), and a living room full of other people to share the laughs, the unintentionally hilarious biopic of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton's tumultuous romance could be the perfect way to cap off your Thanksgiving weekend.

From director's chairs on a dark soundstage (apparently from the acting afterlife), Liz (Lohan) and Dick (Grant Bowler) provide a confusingly creepy exposition, punctuating scenes of their decades-long love affair. Which, judging by this movie, was insipid, not sizzling, characterized by overwrought declarations like [bold]"I don't need a pool -- I've got a whole ocean in you."[/bold] ...

--

The DL live thread for this extravaganza should be epic.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 2911/23/2012

How the fuck did Grant Bowler - a third rate Aussie TV actor - get to play Richard Burton? The casting bar must have been set very low.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3011/23/2012

I've seen so many reviews talk about how Lohan was such a promising actress as a teen. Was she really? I mean, she was fine in Mean Girls, but I certainly didn't think she was anything special. Even without the drug and alcohol problems I don't think she'd have had a particularly successful career.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3111/23/2012

[quote]How the fuck did Grant Bowler - a third rate Aussie TV actor - get to play Richard Burton? The casting bar must have been set very low.

Hard to understand seeing as how accomplished an actress La Lohan is. I just don't get it.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3211/23/2012

Bowler is supposed to be excellent, actually.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3311/24/2012

Lindsay's going to be riding the short bus with Rosie.Ro's saved her a seat.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3411/24/2012

I can't wait to see this!

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3511/24/2012

No, it's S'Wonderful,r2.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3611/24/2012

It's pretty sad actually that this is the sendoff Liz Taylor gets. Well, wherever she is, I hope she at least finds it a good laugh.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3711/24/2012

[quote]How the fuck did Grant Bowler - a third rate Aussie TV actor - get to play Richard Burton? The casting bar must have been set very low.

What was hilarious is that Lohan is so delusional, she thought they were going to cast an A List Oscar Nominated Actor.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3811/24/2012

Why on earth did the director allow the miscasting? Everone knew that Lohan was wrong for the part.

Wasn't Lohan hoping for an Emmy nomination?

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 3911/24/2012

Bowler has beautiful pecs with massive, tender nips. I would suck and lick those mantits all night long.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4011/24/2012

It's not miscasting. Lifetime will get spectacular numbers and that's all they wanted.

Unfortunately, the Times review makes it sound more dull than campy:

There are moments in “Liz & Dick” when Lindsay Lohan looks a lot like Elizabeth Taylor. There are others in which she looks like Elizabeth Taylor doing a “Saturday Night Live” impersonation of Lindsay Lohan.

“Liz & Dick,” being shown on Sunday on Lifetime, could be worse. Some scenes, though there are too few of them, are kind of fun. The film’s real failure is that it’s not terrible enough. Instead it is a respectful and oddly cramped tribute to the legendary love affair between Taylor and Richard Burton that isn’t vulgar enough to be entertainingly campy and is too wedded to the myth to riff imaginatively on the couple’s gaudy, outsize celebrity.

Mostly, of course, there’s the casting problem. The choice of Ms. Lohan is a gimmick that will certainly draw attention and probably viewers. But it’s not a kindness to that actress, who fails to deliver the kind of breakthrough performance that augurs a comeback. Ms. Lohan is a 26-year-old former child star who, in “Liz & Dick,” is most believable when playing a former child star in her 40s. Absurdly, given Ms. Lohan’s actual youth, her smoky voice and prematurely smoothed features and puffed lips suggest an aging beauty struggling to look young, not a young actress made up to look old.

She isn’t ridiculous in the role, and her eyes do look violet, but she is oddly passive, sleepwalking through scenes that call for passion and caprice. She can’t do Taylor’s famously candied voice, and doesn’t try.

Grant Bowler is better cast as Burton — he mimics that actor’s deep voice and some of his panache — but his is still a pallid impersonation.

And there is something a little embarrassing about an industry that keeps trying to replicate stars who are inimitable. For every relative achievement — James Franco in the 2001 biopic “James Dean,” or Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe in the recent “My Week With Marilyn” — there are scores of failures, including flameouts like Jennifer Love Hewitt in “The Audrey Hepburn Story,” and James Brolin and Jill Clayburgh in “Gable and Lombard.” The odds are so awful that even mild success is sometimes lavishly rewarded: Halle Berry won a Golden Globe for playing Dorothy Dandridge, and Cate Blanchett won an Oscar for playing Katharine Hepburn in “The Aviator.”

Ms. Lohan herself has posed twice as Marilyn Monroe — once, wearing mainly a diaphanous scarf in New York magazine, and later, for Playboy, without any clothes at all.

There’s a reason for all the remakes and imitations. Studios feel safer financing projects that offer something audiences already recognize. (That also explains the Broadway takes on baby boomer classics like “The Addams Family.”) Most people have heard of Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, even if they’ve never seen “Cleopatra” and don’t know anything about Eddie Fisher.

The film begins with Burton in 1984, on the edge of death at his home in Switzerland, as he looks back at the love of his life. In his reverie he fantasizes that she and he are ensconced in directors’ chairs on a studio set and affectionately reminiscing about their scandalous love affair and two marriages.

In flashbacks, they meet at a Hollywood party, but she takes no notice of him. The first real encounter of these two stars, both married to other people, is on the set of “Cleopatra” in Rome, when initial dislike flares into fiery passion and heated couplings in trailers at the Cinecittà studios and along the Amalfi coast.

When the dialogue is based on Burton’s real-life love letters, it’s pretty good. When it’s not, it’s laughable: In a postcoital bubble bath à deux, Taylor purrs, “Who knew Italy could be so hot?”

Paparazzi were then a relatively new phenomenon, and so was such brazen adultery by famous movie stars — the Vatican newspaper condemned Taylor and Burton for “erotic vagary.” They defied the critics with gusto, binging on drinks, sex, yachts, resorts and jewelry.

The later years, especially, should be a gas to watch — a carnival of Fellini and Fendi and ’70s kitsch — but it’s actually a bit of a snooze.

And that only heightens depressing comparisons between the two actresses.

At Ms. Lohan’s age, Taylor had already had three husbands, starring roles in “Giant” and “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,” and was one of the most famous sex symbols of her time — only Marilyn Monroe had as much mystique and paparazzi appeal.

Ms. Lohan, who was a child prodigy of an actress in “Parent Trap” and promising as a teenager in “Mean Girls,” really hasn’t done much since those films except be arrested.

“Liz & Dick” doesn’t capture the opulent, careless glamour of its subjects. The film is mostly a reminder that their kind of stardom is all but extinct.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4111/24/2012

Even watching that for 2 hours wouldn't save this shitfest, R40. If Lilo is hoping for a Golden Globe or an Emmy, she'll be lucky to get a Razzy.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4211/24/2012

It technically is miscasting in terms of someone who could have done justice to Liz, R40, but yeah - it's all about ratings now, unfortunately. Having said that, I'm stocked up on booze to get me through this shitfest. You know it's going to be like an accident scene - you want to look, but you can't.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4311/24/2012

Does anyone remember the TV movie with Jennifer Love Hewitt playing Audrey Hepburn? It was horrible!

Alessandra Stanley of the New York Times claims that "Liz and Dick" had potential to be a great campfest, but it's surprisingly earnest.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4411/24/2012

Next up: "Lizzie & Mikey"?

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4511/24/2012

You'll know they were going for high-camp if they filmed a White Diamonds ad with Lindsay Lowlife.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4611/24/2012

Mark my words this will become a gay camp classic right up there with Valley of The Dolls.As a matter of fact it will make Showgirls look like Shakespeare!

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4711/24/2012

I want to see a movie about Liz and Larry Fortensky

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 4911/24/2012

It won't rival Showgirls but might be on the level of that Joan Rivers biopic where she and Melissa played themselves.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5011/24/2012

Brad and Angelina should've made this movie.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5111/24/2012

Lucy was offered the role, but psychic John Edwards couldn't establish contact with either Lucy or Gary.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5211/24/2012

Meg Ryan should have played Michael Jackson.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5311/24/2012

In its review of “Liz and Dick,” the television movie about the storied, passionate, decades long, true lust and love affair between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton — i.e., the Lifetime movie in which Lindsay Lohan plays Elizabeth Taylor — the Hollywood Reporter describes the film as an “instant classic of unintentional hilarity.” I vehemently disagree. There is nothing “unintentional” about it.

“Liz and Dick,” which airs on Sunday night, where it should serve as a perfect final mouthful to a long weekend of binging, is, after all, a Lifetime movie, a camp genre unto itself. The Lifetime movie is where Douglas Sirk lives in infamy, flattered by endless imitation as he rolls over in his grave, mimicked slavishly and poorly, his plots grown ever more sordid, but his earnestness never topped. A movie in which Lindsay Lohan-as-Elizabeth Taylor regularly lectures the camera about how she and Richard Burton (Grant Bowler) invented paparazzi and the celebrity photo frenzy, a movie in which Lohan-as-Taylor downs a bottle of pills and booze and sobs through the resulting dangerous, but entirely manipulative suicide attempt, a movie in which Lohan lies on a bed with cucumbers on her eyes even as said eyes are drenched in her infamous Cleopatra makeup is ridiculous, yes, but it is not unknowing. You can hate Lifetime movies, and still see that “Liz and Dick” is exactly what a Lifetime movie is supposed to be, instantly hootable, usually ludicrous, rarely dull. Snuggle up.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5411/24/2012

Somewhere Faye is praying that this will make people forget Mommie Dearest.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5511/25/2012

r53 wins award for most mean-spirited and most accurate comment ever posted on the internet.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5611/25/2012

I'm not Irish BUT there are some cute Irish girls out there . Lohan is Irish and Italian and that is common in the Northeast but she's not bad looking. She is loose sexually, is a total slutbag and that always makes her fun.You don't know if she's with a rich older guy one week or in a thrupple the next!

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5711/25/2012

Lindsay IS following her fellow trainwreck Tara Reid to Cannes and becoming a has-been boat bunny for greasy billionaires. Hey, it's a living.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5811/25/2012

R51: This is no way this movie can be as foolish as Brad's pretentious new perfume ads.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 5911/25/2012

I just saw it and it wasn't bad as I was led to believe.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 6003/14/2013

[quote]I just saw it and it wasn't bad as I was led to believe.

For a TV movie it's actually quite good (except for the Liz and Dick narrating it in heaven together angle) Bowler does a very good Burton Lindsay's performance is far from great but not the train wreck DL would have you believe. She's better than Judy Davis as Judy Garland if nothing else.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 6103/14/2013

Bowler was excellent as was the man who played his brother.

by Miss Taylor's rotting corpsereply 6203/15/2013
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