Who are these adults that find cooking a turkey such an exotic event? I'd be more annoyed that I had to make sure my place was "guest ready."
You basically just put the bird in the oven for a set time - you can google it in a million places - and you are done!
If you want to stuff it (there's your 2nd dish) then buy a bag of Pepperidge Farm stuffing and read the directions. It's good and easy to make.
You don't need candied anything Yuk. Simple asparagus (which can be microwaved) and a potato dish gives you now 4 side dishes.
The thing you may have a problem with is the gravy. I'll tell you how to easily make it below. When I'm through venting.
Stop being such a drama queen over a fucking bird. Even if you blow it no one will be so rude as to tell you. Haven't you ever faked loving a meal? Well, they will too.
Here's my tip: wherever it calls for liquid like in the gravy and stuffing assembly use a light fruit flavored wine - like light Zinfandel. Your place will smell delicious, it tastes delicious but the alcohol will be cooked away.
Basting: Take bird out of oven to be on the safe side. I use butter to baste the bird for the first few basting sessions - you can melt it in the microwave or just fork a big pat of butter all over the surface of the bird careful not to prick the skin. As drippings and fluids accummulate in the pan you gan use that to baste it for later basting sessions. I baste every half hour or so.
Aluminum foil tented over turkey - I only put one on toward the end if I am concerned the skin is done and I don't want it burned. But I have successfully cooked turkey without ever using one.
Gravy: Take bird out of pan - set aside. Put about a cup of liquid in the pan (I use the wine) and scrape ALL the drippings in the pan from the bottom and sides of the pan. Stir it all. Leave them ALL in the pan. This is the tricky part since you'll have to use your eye and common sense - sprinkle some flour in the pan (maybe 1 tablespoon or less to start) and stir with a fork breaking up any flour clumps. The gravy should thicken as you stir it. Taste it. If it needs more liquid because it's too thick or needs more flour because it's too thin then add wine or flour accordingly. But in small amounts. Be careful not to add too much of anything or you may loose the turkey flavor.
Seriously, OP - the turkey dinner is easy and the hard part is timing it and coordinating the prep.
Plan ahead and time your preparation. Work back from dinner time. Figure out the cooking time - online everywhere & the pop-up in butterballs etc is helpful but you still have to figure out the time. Make sure you read the correct cooking time table depending on stuffed or unstuffed. It takes about a half hour to wash the turkey and make the stuffing and stuff the bird so include that time when timing your day.
Wash everything as you do it. There is plenty of down time cooking a turkey. But your home will smell delicious as you cook.
The asparagus in the microwave take about 2 - 3 minutes. Potato dish depends but microwave potatoes work perfectly well especially if you're just making mashed potatoes. There are some brands of instant mashed potatoes I was delighted to find are excellent and take minutes to pop in the microwave.
Make sure you have lots of butter (basting, stuffing, potatoes, etc).
I'd use the days before to get your place ready for guests - vacuum, clean bathroom, put extra towels, hand soap, TP, within easy access to users. Check the dishes and utensils you plan to use for cooking, serving & eating. You don't need surprises on Turkey Day. Clean up and remove junk & things you don't need comments on from entertainment area. Have dvds and/or music set up to use. Does your mom have favorite music or movie? Maybe some games in a convenient location in case there is a wait and no one is good at conversations - it is family after all.
Clean your computer of history or anything you don't want others to see. People get snoopy.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.