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The Datalounge Guide to Republican Rhetoric

I've noticed that some people are having trouble making sense of the Republican reaction to the election. Let's offer some guidance.

Freedom = tax cuts for rich; viewing the planet as a profit opportunity; having the unrestrained right to own guns

Liberty = tax cuts for rich; enforced conformity to 1950s social norms

Oppression = no tax cuts for rich; government's failure to impose their religious beliefs on everyone

Rights = tax cuts for rich; federal benefits for white people

Socialism = no tax cuts for rich; other people's federal benefits

Tyranny = no tax cuts for rich with a black President

Big spending = money spent on things they don't profit from

Legitimate government = money spent on things they profit from

Deficit = really big number used to scare voters

Tax Cuts = good; magic engine of prosperity; reduction in federal revenue irrelevant to debt

Public Debt = evil; a black hole destined to destroy everything good in the world that mysteriously loses its power and significance when Republicans are in control of the budget; result of Democrat big spending.

Private Debt = good; a mechanism by which the rich get richer and the poor get poorer

National defense = see "legitimate government."

National security = secret things that would otherwise be illegal

Homeland security = secret legitimate government

Jobs = something voters want that becomes significant around elections

Growth = increasing corporate profits and capital gains

Efficiency = turning public functions into profit opportunities

Voter fraud = Democrat victory

Fair election = working class has to lose a day's pay to vote; long lines only in cities

Judicial activism = court decisions they don't like

Judicial restraint = court decisions they like

Constitution = piece of paper sometimes useful for judicial restraint; source of 2nd Amendment and a bunch of words

State's rights = excuse for returning programs and regulations to states

Return to states = eliminate

Illegal Alien = brown people who have recently come to America

Immigrant = white people whose grandparents came to America

American = white people who don't know how they got here

Life = a short period of exalted human value beginning at conception, ending at birth, and returning when someone wants to die.

Pursuit of Happiness = fighting for tax cuts; accumulating stuff; firing guns; feeling superior to someone

Jesus = someone really powerful who loves them no matter what they do and who will someday punish people they don't like

by Anonymousreply 2311/11/2012

0P, you just wrote all that for a forum full of Democrats. Think about it.

by Anonymousreply 111/09/2012

China - A nation that will soon own all of America. China - A nation where one doesn't have to spend so much money campaigning for the right to run a country for its own betterment. China - Where profit still matters.

by Anonymousreply 211/09/2012

OP, this is beyond brilliant.

by Anonymousreply 311/09/2012

R1, I found it highly amusing.

by Anonymousreply 411/09/2012

Science = an evil, communistic concept created by people who hate God.

by Anonymousreply 511/09/2012

Restricting free speech = Not liking when someone says "Hey, that's racist/ homophobic/ etc."

by Anonymousreply 611/09/2012

Math=evil perverted practice of faggots like Nate SIlverberg, or whatever his faggoty name is

by Anonymousreply 711/09/2012

Freedom of Speech = being able to say whatever you please and never be held accountable and never be criticized for such statements.

Separation of Church and State = THERE'S NO SUCH THING!!!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 811/09/2012

The Statue of Liberty = a fine example of American art and engineering

by Anonymousreply 911/09/2012

Brilliant and 100% factally accurate. You should publish,

by Anonymousreply 1011/09/2012

OP, I'm going to copy this and post it. Would it be too Republican of me to also take credit? I'm not very smart and want to impress people. I shan't do it until you give me permission.

by Anonymousreply 1111/09/2012

Thanks. Here are some more:

Racism = historical social problem ended in 1968

Reverse Racism = belief that racism still exists

Justice = to be defined

Job Creators = future aristocrats

Small Business = Koch Industries

Nation Building = Democrat foreign wars

Defense of Freedom = Republican foreign wars

Government Waste = see Big Spending

by Anonymousreply 1211/09/2012

Pregnancy resulting from legitimate rape = God's will. Homosexuality = sinful lifestyle choice.

by Anonymousreply 1311/09/2012

Morality = Laws of Jesus as applied to other people

Abstinence = the practice of every sexual act except one in order to remain a virgin (women); a cover story for closet cases (men)

Laws of Jesus = ask Glenn Beck

by Anonymousreply 1411/09/2012

Class Warfare = any discussion of wealth that may be heard by the middle class

Lip Service = all Jesus needs from us; see also Abstinence

by Anonymousreply 1511/09/2012

Communism = having to buy health insurance from for-profit businesses

by Anonymousreply 1611/09/2012

Cutting Government Waste = increasing the defense budget

by Anonymousreply 1711/09/2012

Hurricanes - a weather condition caused by gays and Planned Parenthood

by Anonymousreply 1811/09/2012

R1, did you really miss the fact that this is satire and not an effort to persuade us? Because, it was pretty obvious.

by Anonymousreply 1911/09/2012

Thanks R19--I did think about R1's comment and could not make any sense of it so I just ignored it.

New one:

Class warfare = a discussion of wealth that might be heard by members of the middle class; mentioning growing wealth gap

by Anonymousreply 2011/10/2012

Repetition is the Republicans number one tactic for control. When people hear the same things over and over again, they eventually start believing it is true.

by Anonymousreply 2111/11/2012

Some choice words from one of Karl Rove's idols, Joseph Goebbels:

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”

by Anonymousreply 2211/11/2012

LANDSLIDE = Mitt Romney winning 325 electoral college votes

SQUEAKER = Barabk Obama winning 332 electoral college votes

by Anonymousreply 2311/11/2012
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