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Nation Did Not See Mark Wahlberg's Sex Change Coming

LOS ANGELES—Following the first public appearance of the actress formerly known as Mark Wahlberg at a Hollywood fundraiser last night, the American people acknowledged the Departed and Fighter star’s sex-reassignment surgery was something they had not seen coming. “Huh,” said Illinois schoolteacher Thomas Granger, 37, reading about the star making her red-carpet debut as Martha Wahlberg. “I guess Mark Wahlberg’s a woman now. He always seemed like more of a masculine guy. But good for him. I mean, her. It’s just that, you know, the last time I saw him on TV, he was doing some promo work for that Ted movie, and he didn’t mention anything about this.” Sources throughout the nation agreed that Wahlberg, despite the gender-change procedure, is still a looker.

by Anonymousreply 610/15/2012

Rumor has it that he moved in with Chaz Bono. No doubt they'll have very attractive children.

by Anonymousreply 110/13/2012

Has Wahlberg sued The Onion yet?

by Anonymousreply 210/14/2012

Where are the photos?

by Anonymousreply 310/14/2012

I'd do her.

by Anonymousreply 410/14/2012

Barbara Walters wants Martha Wahlberg for a 20/20 interview.

by Anonymousreply 510/15/2012

Can [italic]she[/italic] stop hijackers?

by Anonymousreply 610/15/2012
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