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That moment when you realize that no one actually cares about you

Really sucks, doesn't it?

by Anonymousreply 4110/10/2012

[quote]the moment you realize that the people who do care about you probably talk shit about you the moment you leave the room is pretty traumatic.

That's called the moment you realize you need to quit smoking pot.

by Anonymousreply 1010/10/2012

Never had such a moment OP and I hope I never will.

by Anonymousreply 1110/10/2012

I had that moment years ago, OP. I left my hometown and the state, and no one -- not even my family -- bothered to even try to keep in touch with me. In fact, I lived in an area that plenty of people pay well to vacation in, and still -- no one wanted to visit me. Most people where I lived couldn't keep their extended family OUT, but no one I knew ever bothered.

I just returned to my hometown a few months ago. I have two old friends who missed me, and my dad was glad to see me, but no one from my previous residence except for my godparents is keeping in touch.

That's life, OP -- out of sight, out of mind. Life goes on.

And I really like me -- and my dog loves me to death. So there.

by Anonymousreply 1210/10/2012

It's sounds trite, but you have to be your own best friend. If you don't like yourself, no one else will either.

And yes, getting a dog helps. Or a cat. An affectionate cat.

Really at the end of the day dear, it's every man for himself.

by Anonymousreply 1310/10/2012

I need my mommy!

by Anonymousreply 1410/10/2012

This is true. No one really does. As people get older, they tend to be less outwardly driven, and focus just on their wives or husbands or kids, etc, and less on their friends. I've been single most of my life. At one point, I had a lot of good friends who cared about me, but now, what? maybe one? I became aware of it about two years ago, and it put me in a state of depression that I'm still kind of in. I tried to kill myself last year, unsuccessfully, and will probably try it again some time after the holidays. (I don't want to ruin the holidays for anyone.)

by Anonymousreply 1510/10/2012

Never had such a moment. Oh, plenty of dramatic "NO ONE CARES" moments but deep down? I am loved. And I suspect you are, too, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1610/10/2012

You are not alone!

by Anonymousreply 1710/10/2012

Finally!

A gay realizes why we have kids.

by Anonymousreply 1810/10/2012

For once I'm with charlie. I can name at least 4 people that really do care about me and vice versa. Maybe OP has gone through life not caring about anyone else and it's come back to ignore him.

by Anonymousreply 1910/10/2012

[quote]For once I'm with charlie.

For once, I'm not. His post was smug and unhelpful.

by Anonymousreply 2010/10/2012

R15, please don't kill yourself! Awwwww - guys? who's with me on this?? I'm not a crazed Christian - was raised Catholic, pray every day, though - but there is something to thinking that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ loves you (or whatever higher power you prefer.)

You might feel that way now; lots of people do, but you never know WHO you might yet meet.

Now, if you mean that ultimately, it's every man(woman) for him(her)self, I might agree. EXCEPT: one does hear of/see people who sacrifice themself for others. I mean, literally sacrifice, like in a house fire or something similar. I imagine this might be parents-for-children.

Okay, babbling, sorry! But again, please don't kill yourself: if nothing else: don't let "them" win!

Stay strong!

by Anonymousreply 2110/10/2012

You get a shrink/therapist. At least they're paid to care!

by Anonymousreply 2210/10/2012

R19 is n asshole who will hopefully be tortured to death as "karma" for being a creep his entire life.

by Anonymousreply 2310/10/2012

R20, then I will make an attempt at being helpful, which will probably drive some on this thread nuts.

People care for me (or you) when you care for them. It is just that simple. If you love someone or something, it will love you back.

If you devote yourself to helping others- those you love and those who are merely other people in your life- you will be cared about, I promise you. Lest you think I am being a goody two shoes or smug- it is not hard and the rewards are pretty quickly felt- you will feel better.

To be loved, you have to love- you have to do show it in your actions as well. Loving a pet is great practice for loving another human. And of course loving a pet brings you great joy.

That old song lyric is cliche but oh so true "the greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."

It's available to anyone. Those who feel forgotten have probably walled themselves off from the world, from their friends, their neighbors, their family. Get back in it. Get back out there!

Examples in my own life: I love my parents and I am helping them in their decline. I love my siblings and will do anything for any of them at any time, ditto their children. I love several close friends with the same willingness to help them and give them emotional support is matters large and small- yeah every now and then I get huffy or hurt by one of the other. But I get over it. I get asked all the time for professional advise and help and provide it whenever I can.

I find it is the only way to live. When I am depressed I go over a gratitude list and at the top of that list are my friends and family, who care.

So it is up to you, and it is easy to find people who will care for you. You simply have to care for them.

by Anonymousreply 2410/10/2012

No they don't, charlie.

by Anonymousreply 2510/10/2012

[quote]People care for me (or you) when you care for them. It is just that simple. If you love someone or something, it will love you back.

Yes, because no one in the history of the world has ever loved someone who didn't love them back.

[quote]If you devote yourself to helping others- those you love and those who are merely other people in your life- you will be cared about, I promise you.

Let me assure you after a lifetime of experience with this concept. When you create a relationship by lavishing care and assistance on someone, they don't love [italic]you[/italic] -- they love the things you do for them. Should you ever find yourself in a position where you're unable to be Miss Helpful, they'll scatter like rats.

Everyone I've truly loved was loved for themselves, their essence, whatever you want to call it. They never had to earn it. And whether you have someone in your life that you feel that way about, or feels that way about you, is mainly luck. I'd hope no one who was fortunate enough to find love would be so condescending to think they did something special to make it happen.

by Anonymousreply 2610/10/2012

[quote]. It is just that simple. If you love someone or something, it will love you back.

No, it's not that simple.

The only thing 'simple' in your post is you.

&, yes, you still sound smug...and simple. So you're not to blame. Bless your little cotton socks.

by Anonymousreply 2710/10/2012

Nothing like a health crisis and surgery to see who does care.

by Anonymousreply 2810/10/2012

R28 is correct.

by Anonymousreply 2910/10/2012

Sorry to disagree R26, R27. I never used the word "earn" and notice that I used the word "love" and not care in the beginning of my post.

If you have love in your life, that is to say, you love people and they love you, the "care" part will take "care" of itself.

I do not perform tasks and demonstrate love to people to earn something in return, although in the short term it makes me simply feel better to be of help to someone other than myself. This is not work and compenstation. Rather it is a way of being, of living. To most people it comes naturally to some degree or another. Mothers cannot help but love their children and in most cases, that child who grows into an adult, will love and care for the mother when she requires it. When the relationships are good, no one keeps score, or even thinks to do so.

Yes that silly song- you think my embracing it is smug (greatest thing you'll ever learn, is...). I think it is along with the ability to forgive (sometimes over and over to the same person) is one of lifes great lessons.

The reason I feel cared for is because I love a number of people in my life and I know they love me- strings are not attached. The best way I know how to be loved, is to love.

If you have been so abused lifelong that loving others is nearly impossible- try to get some help. If you are so depressed that loving others is impossible- try to get some help.

And some of you who think no one cares, may be wrong. Perhaps someone does care, a parent, a sibling, an old friend- but you just don't know it because you have lost contact. Get back in touch as tell them you care.

by Anonymousreply 3010/10/2012

Shudder, OP... There are a bunch of people that care deeply about me. Can't imagine the thought of being totally alone. I hope you get better.

by Anonymousreply 3110/10/2012

Charlie? Are you sure you're the REAL Charlie? Because your new fixation on aphorisms is making me NUTS.

There are plenty of people who, when you lavish love and attention on them, take advantage of you and treat you like a personal slave.

And I would do ANYTHING for my family, but they are proud people, and would never take anything from anyone -- and thus, will never GIVE anything to anyone either. These are the same folks who believe 47% of the country are dependent on government and living on handouts they don't deserve because they're lazy and don't want to work.

Charlie, sometimes I wish I could reach through the interwebs and shake you. Save your panaceas for all the people who "love" you. Here at DL, we try to deal with things they way they truly are.

by Anonymousreply 3210/10/2012

Charlie just told us that the reason people don't love us is because we're not trying hard enough, R32. Not even a jackhammer could shake any sense into him.

by Anonymousreply 3310/10/2012

Get off the cross, OP; we need the wood.

by Anonymousreply 3410/10/2012

R32, those are song lyrics from Nature Boy- perhaps an aphorism.

I am trying to make a point using those lyrics. Of course there are assholes in the world who do nothing but harm and do nothing but take. Certainly that is not everyone, nor is some stupid comment by an insensitive politician proof of anything or relevant to this discussion.

To use another aphorism, I have been around the block a few times, and another, to a lot of rodeos. I have buried dear friends rejected by their families (I cared, their families did not) so yeah I know that loving others is not a guarantee of being loved and cared for. But What I describe above is really the only way I know of finding love and care and human kindness. The world is not black and white (another aphorism). Nevertheless I live by the rule that if I love others, chances are good I will be loved and with that good things follow. It is not true of everyone in my life I have loved and cared for, but just because of a few bad experiences does not mean I fold up shop and lock myself off.

I hope you understand. Hell, if you rescue a dog or cat from a pound, an abused animal at that- at first they will be shy, avoid you, perhaps bite or scratch. But if you feed them, house them, talk to them, cuddle them when their guard is down.. little by little they will melt and in time, they will love you. People are not so different.

by Anonymousreply 3510/10/2012

[quote]I have buried dear friends rejected by their families (I cared, their families did not) so yeah I know that loving others is not a guarantee of being loved and cared for.

After two long, hectoring posts insisting we can make people love us if we're clever and pure-hearted enough, you write this?

Do the people in your life know that you feel their love is not a gift they've granted, but a reward you've earned?

by Anonymousreply 3610/10/2012

R34 is my kind of bitch. Come and sit by me.

I have my parents, my brother, my sister in law and a bunch of friends. Not loads, but enough. And one day I'll have a significant other, I'm sure.

If you think hard, you probably have people. Maybe you just need to reconnect, OP. And if you really don't, get out there and make some friends. Get a dog- I'm not keen on them myself but they lavish attention like no other creature.

Ultimately 'coddled' though I am by the thought of family and friends, I am also aware of the cold, unfeeling nature of the universe and ultimately that we have to rely on ourselves. Life is a joke, death is the punchline. Have a laugh.

Well, I'm out of cliches now.

*kisses doll*

by Anonymousreply 3710/10/2012

OP, I wish I could send you a hug. You can care about others but it's a very special person who truly will reciprocate. I wish there was an easy way to quickly determine the jerks, angry users and fakes, so that you can stay far away from them. It's sometimes very hard to find real friends that will be there for you during the bad times or disappointments in life. That's why some choose a 4-legged friend. Suicide is not the answer. Hopefully your life will change soon for the better, at least in some small way.

by Anonymousreply 3810/10/2012

"Do the people in your life know that you feel their love is not a gift they've granted, but a reward you've earned?" I never used those the words you have ascribed to what I have written.

The ideas and sentiments of my posts R26 are not mine alone, but those of philosophers and religious teachings (good religious teachings that is) going waaaayyyy back.

You have entirely missed the content of my posts. Read again. I do not go out looking for rewards for my good deeds. In fact I pay very little attention to "rewards".

Someone asks me for help, I do what I can. It makes me feel better- just the helping. I feel ever better if I see evidence of my help (mentoring someone for example.) I know this from experience. I love my father who is dying right now- I will do anything he asks of me. I am not going to be rewarded- after all, he is dying. But I will feel better. But my fathers unconditional love of me over the years, and care for me has quite naturally and unconciously imbued in me an overwhelming care for his well being and comfort.

I hope you can understand.

Have you ever read the St Francis Prayer R26? I am an agnostic, but the sentiment of the St Francis prayer is what I have been talking about. It is a prayer, and it is also full of the wisdom of the ages. The beautiful song Nature Boy contains the same sentiment.

by Anonymousreply 3910/10/2012

I learned the truth at seventeen.

by Anonymousreply 4010/10/2012

[quote]I hope you can understand.

I understand that you say you don't believe you earned the love you have, yet you've posted more than once in this thread that love comes to people as a result of actions they take.

While I'm reading the St Francis Prayer, maybe you can Google Newton's Laws of Motion.

by Anonymousreply 4110/10/2012
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