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Less than halfway into the semester and I've already two criers

females, of course. One in my office as usual... trying to show me she was "under so much pressure." Another in a hall after class the other night... SO FUCKING INAPPROPRIATE. She almost cornered me and I just casually mentioned is everything outside of class ok.. and here come the water works.

Who teaches women that if they cry they will be treated special. What kind of validation are they looking for?

I validate students regularly. The ones who read the assignments BEFORE class. Attend every time, and turn in their work when it is due.

Is it that difficult for women?

by Anonymousreply 13710/09/2012

Who cares you're probably a shitty prof anyway.

by Anonymousreply 110/05/2012

Très jolie, Coco. Très jolie.

by Anonymousreply 410/05/2012

Wow, OP. Maybe they're going through something like depression or dealing with a sick family member. Some people do cry when they're pushed to the limit. You didn't give us too any details. Did they dry because they failed an exam? Missed a deadline? Hopefully you gave them the number of on-campus counselors in case they're not doing well.

by Anonymousreply 510/05/2012

Only two? I'd suspect more people would try to pull it off at least once to know how far they can go with you get their things done in their favor.

by Anonymousreply 810/05/2012

So you came here, whining to us because you have to deal with female crybabies at your work? "Adults don't cry" but apparently they bitch and moan and spew misogynist hatred to strangers on the internet and expect validation. Get a job at a private boys school if you hate women.

I'm sick of people using DL as a place to bash women. Just because I'm a gay man doesn't mean I hate women. Misogyny is as ugly and wrong as homophobia or racism.

by Anonymousreply 1210/05/2012

R1 is correct. R2 is 100 years old.

by Anonymousreply 1310/05/2012

[quote]I have never had a male student cry in 12 years.

Men are socialized not to cry. When they cry as children they're ridiculed.

Women usually are not so strongly socialized not to cry. Girls who cry about everything will get hints that they're being tiresome. But occasional crying is generally not considered bizarre or weak in a woman.

She might be crying because she's distressed, she's embarrassed, she has poor coping skills, etc. I don't get men assuming it's manipulation, that women can just turn it on. If it were so easy to cry at will, then actors wouldn't use glycerin to fake tears.

by Anonymousreply 1410/05/2012

It's social conditioning. Men are expected NOT to cry in front of others for fear of ridicule while women may have experiences that taught them crying may help their cause so...

by Anonymousreply 1610/05/2012

Though I suspect OP wants to hear that male students are "superior" as they just tough it out on their own and make it the hard way while females try to cheat.

Eh, both genders cheat and manipulate. Though in different ways that they can get away with.

by Anonymousreply 1810/05/2012

And there are no exceptions to the rule

Yes everybody's somebody's fool

by Anonymousreply 1910/05/2012

OP you sound frighteningly like an asshole who shouldn't be teaching. Do you hate all of the women in your life?

by Anonymousreply 2010/05/2012

I am r16 by the way

by Anonymousreply 2110/05/2012

OP, you don't happen to have a younger friend who just moved to town is is avoiding you like the plague do you?

by Anonymousreply 2510/05/2012

How on earth is op racist?

by Anonymousreply 2710/05/2012

I will never forget one of my college statistics professors. I received a phone call at home one afternoon from a lung doctor. He said he was my father's doctor and he wanted to remove my father's lung the next day, but my mother wouldn't let my father sign the consent form until someone spoke to me first. I was working in a heart:lung unit at the time.

This threw me for a loop. I knew my father had been sick and the last I'd heard was that he'd had a thoracentesis with removal of blood-tinged fluid (not a good sign, but still...)

Anyway, I told the dr that if my father's lung needed to come out, the doctors I worked with would do the lobectomy. The dr then started arguing with me quite vehemently. He put my mother on the line and she was crying and saying she didn't know what to do. It was a very stressful evening.

I totally forgot I had a statistics final the next day and left my calculator home. I didn't know what to do. Everyone finished except me and I just sat there. The prof came over and said, "Time is up, you really need to give me your test paper," and I burst into tears. I'd just found out my father had small cell lung cancer (a death sentence), my mother was in the brink of hysteria (she has severe anxiety disorder), the dick of a doctor had kept me on te phone arguing for an hour and now I was blowing my statistics final. I needed to get at least a B in statistics in order to get into the program I wanted to enter. It was like a floodgate had opened.

The prof could have decided I was a bullshitter or a nutjob or a lazy fucker. But he believed me and told me not to worry, he would use the average of all my homework assignments (i got 100 on all of my homework) for my final exam grade. I maintained my A average.

What a nice man he was. I learned more than statistics from him.

by Anonymousreply 3210/05/2012

R32, why did you even go to the class at all that day? You could have provided a doctor's note/hospital record, etc. to the prof/university to get an extension and take the test at a later date. No tears are needed to get a positive outcome when the absence is legit.

by Anonymousreply 3310/05/2012

Please. OP can barely spell, let alone write, let alone teach.

by Anonymousreply 3510/05/2012

[R4] a mile.

by Anonymousreply 3610/05/2012

[quote]People act like misogyny is a bad thing

So you're a bigot, then?

Misogyny is wrong. It's prejudice and bigotry just like racism. Are you going to defend that too? Go right ahead, it's hardly novel on datalounge, but it helps to know where you stand.

Misogyny is also the root of homophobia: gay men are seen as weak and inferior because they don't overtly practice dominance and subjugation over women, at least not sexually. They reject their supposed right to dominate and control women sexually, socially, economically and even physically (what the 'phobes call "traditional marriage"). Worse yet, they'll submit to another man sexually instead, which is stomach-churning anathema to a misogynist. Hatred of lesbians is just an obvious extension of all of this.

Still think misogyny is a good thing, dumbass?

by Anonymousreply 3810/05/2012

Like most bigots, OP came in looking for a reason to slam the people he doesn't like.

So...he's an adjunct maybe? Teaches 100 or so students (maybe more...they make adjuncts work their asses off), and 2 have come to him crying? So a very small percentage of a total has done what he was looking for (say 1 or 2 percent), therefore ALL of them are like that?

I sure hope he doesn't teach logic or statistics.

by Anonymousreply 3910/05/2012

R32, bless your teacher. Without knowing more details I wonder if the students are going through something like that. When people are dealing with medical, personal, or familiar issues they sometimes lose it in front of people they normally wouldn't.

When I had to withdraw from classes and take a leave of absence from law school to handle my depression I cried in front of the dean of students and assistant dean of students. I wasn't trying to pull one over on them because I willingly withdrew with no arguments and knew I had to take some time off. Rather, I cried because I was emotionally pushed to the limit and extremely distraught that I had to put my dream on hold. Thankfully they were compassionate. Breaking down like that really embarrassed me.

by Anonymousreply 4010/05/2012

Typical gayboy response, OP. If you really are a professor, I would hope you aren't such a misogynist.

As a professor, the only ones who cried to me were BOYS. One was because I called him out on his plagiarism, and the other because I gave him a C on a paper (he deserved an F). This was in 10 years of teaching.

Do you teach at a women's college, OP?

by Anonymousreply 4110/05/2012

[quote]they will be treated special

Let's get the Oh, Dear out of the way.

The expectation of special treatment is annoying. I work in a highly charged direct assistance social service position and this happens all the time.

I ask them to get control and tell me the facts. I base my decisions on the facts not the emotions.

by Anonymousreply 4210/05/2012

OP, Unfortunately good teachers must also be substitute parents. Not everyone was privileged to have caring, competent family support. While some girls do exaggerate emotional responses to achieve leniency, others have never learned how to cope with stress or difficulties in life. How about taking one class period to teach some "life lessons?" ALL of your students need to know how to face and successfuly deal with workplace and daily life's frustrations.

by Anonymousreply 4310/05/2012

I'm a senior female professor, and male students do indeed cry in my office for various reasons, when their lives are falling apart. Anecdotal evidence seems to suggest that they are much more likely to show vulnerability ti female authority figures than male ones. I see it as part of the job. I start by listening with compassion, weed out the bullshitters pretty quick, and refer the ones with serious problems to the Uni counsellors.

by Anonymousreply 4410/05/2012

[quote] they are adult enough to make a unilateral decision to get an abortion

I hope that you are elderly and have savings, OP, because you will almost certainly be dismissed for making that comment to your student.

by Anonymousreply 4510/05/2012

R43, how naive. You can't teach an immature, emotional wreck not to act immature, emotional wreck. They simply need to grow up and the only remedy is holding them accountable for their actions---not having an Oprah style workshop on "how not to be a douche."

OP, a lot of this is just immaturity and entitlement. Kids in college these days have not faced a lot of adversity. Remember, this is the generation that got ribbons and trophies for participation and "trying hard." They don't know what it means to fail and they do need to get smacked down by the cold realities of life a little to be able to own up to their mistakes and act like adults. You do them no favors by caving to their (or, increasingly their parents') childish demands.

by Anonymousreply 4610/05/2012

"Sure, they sometimes come in late or call in sick when we know they aren't at times, but nothing like the women do."

That's pretty fucking hilarious that you think the men's behavior is "nothing like the women do".

by Anonymousreply 4710/05/2012

10-1 the Op does not have tenure.

by Anonymousreply 4810/05/2012

I'm a man, and I'm crying as I type this.

by Anonymousreply 5010/05/2012

christ you're stupid

by Anonymousreply 5110/05/2012

R46 OP is an instructor, not a boss. I would never advocate an "Oprah style workshop." Just a "this is the reality in the 'real world,'" get tough military style guidelines in the beginning of each course, to prepare the "entitled" students for the working world.

by Anonymousreply 5310/05/2012

[quote] I had to discipline, that is to say, let her know that crying was not appropriate and that I would have to take progressive disciplinary action. I was in lock step with human resource policy and procedure.

Tiresome. Anything for a career for some queens on here.

by Anonymousreply 5410/05/2012

Crying doesn't mean a person isn't behaving like an adult. Adults are allowed to cry. Hell, I wish I could cry more. Frustrations and disappointment (assuming this is what your students were feeling) are well within the range of human emotions and crying as a result is one way to rid yourself of the effects of those negative feelings.

Your students' tears should have no effect on you, OP. You shouldn't succumb to it, nor should you feel so calloused by it. They were just expressing themselves, the same way a male student might punch a wall or drive too fast to cope with failure.

Let them cry with dignity, then stand firm to your classroom's rules and regulations.

And quit playing gender games. It's beyond silly and makes you seem the idiot.

by Anonymousreply 5510/05/2012

R57/op. Crying female students who failed a test versus crying over gays killed in the holocaust is the analogy you came up with? Wow. That's frighteningly stupid.

That said, of course women are going to cry more. They're socialized from birth to express, even over express, their emotions. I understand getting annoyed by it. But we there is a practical etymology behind that behavior that anyone with a shred of intelligence could grasp and understand. Kindly tell then that you understand they're frustrated but that won't change the fact they didn't do the assignment/pass the test/were prepared (or whatever) and that you urge them to do better the next time. Offer them whatever assistance is possible per your school's protocol.

This isn't difficult. You sound just as ridiculously "emotional" as they do.

by Anonymousreply 6010/05/2012

OP is an asshole who should not be teaching. Guess what, OP? I can smell assholes like you on the very first day, and I drop the class immediately. Go lord your authority over someone else.

A girl might cry; I'd just spit in your face.

by Anonymousreply 6210/05/2012

R56? You're a fucking asshole. Tell me where you work so I can report your discriminatory views, and, no doubt, your discriminatory behavior.

by Anonymousreply 6310/05/2012

R56 is probably the same idiot from a couple of years ago who went on a tirade about how women are incapable of orgasm, and that they become hysterical and piss themselves during sex. It was quite unbelievable that there would be anyone currently alive who still thought along those lines.

by Anonymousreply 6410/05/2012

It's official. You have such bigger issues than crying females, OP.

I'm guessing you're incredibly fey, secretly hate it, wish you had the power and strength to cry like your female students, hate your community college existence (Wanted to be a writer, but just couldn't finish that novel), have a total lack of sex life (despite that glory hole on the third floor in the Humanities Building), just want to be a man like your brothers and have your father tell you he loves you (he does, but not as much as your brothers - who can throw a decent spiral), know deep down you're a horrible professor who is constantly overwhelmed by the curriculum (you have wikipedia on your phone, just in case you get challenged in class), and kick you dog when doesn't give you the attention you demand on Sunday afternoons.

by Anonymousreply 6610/05/2012

I've taught at two universities for the past 17 years, and I can only a few students, male and female, who have broken down in my office or in the classroom.

During a mid-term exam, one male student, who was a freshman, stopped taking the test and waited until all the other students had left. When I sat down next to him and asked him why, he explained that his father was a mechanic who wanted him to get a college education. The student only wanted to be like his father and had no desire to be in college. He broke down telling me this. He was scared. The university where this happened has a terrific support system of professionals who offer students all types of services. I walked the student over to Student Services, after talking to him about the value of skills a college education can offer to run a service station.

The other students, three or four at most including one male, broke down after being caught handing in plagiarized papers, and in one case, cheating on an exam. Their tears came from the real fear of the consequences of failing grades, and not to sway me from taking appropriate punishment.

It has been my experience that the overwhelming majority of students, male and female, treat me with respect, do the course work required, and if they miss a class or a due date for a paper, will be up front about it. Of course, I've gotten excuses of grandmothers dying, uncles being hospitalized, friends needing comfort at times of crisis, and other assorted outlandish stories from both male and female students. To say that women are manipulative with crying reveals the sexism of the speaker.

by Anonymousreply 6710/05/2012


by Anonymousreply 7310/05/2012

No r70 - I did not suggest that at all. I was just suggesting that perhaps OP provokes all this crying.

When an authority figure has a problem with women crying (and only women), and this problem is ongoing, the suspicion is that he is perhaps provoking the behavior.

Not all women (especially at that age) are tough as nails - some are vulnerable to certain triggers from male authority figures.

Note that not ALL the women cry.

by Anonymousreply 7410/05/2012

R56 seems to also be having an anti-female rant in the Revenge served cold thread.

by Anonymousreply 7610/05/2012

OP, you're an asshole. I suffer from major depression and anxiety, and on top of holding a stressful position at work, I'm taking two graduate courses this semester. It's been tough to keep going, but fortunately my professors have been understanding when I have a late assignment. You never know what's going on in someone's life, and it's pretty audacious for you to fucking act like the world revolves around your class.

by Anonymousreply 7710/05/2012

I saw Holly Hunter on Inside the Actors Studio talking about this. She said she had to learn to express other emotions such as anger and frustration in her acting BECAUSE in her words like a lot of women tears were her go to emotion that clouded all her other feelings.

by Anonymousreply 7910/06/2012


by Anonymousreply 8010/06/2012

OP is lying. He's likely teaching a couple of courses at a community college, because he's such a dick, no one wants to hire him permanently.

by Anonymousreply 8210/06/2012

Notice how the responses claiming to be professors/teachers have perfect grammar while the op types like a god damned lolcat. What a rotten trolling asshole.

by Anonymousreply 8410/06/2012

I agree with BonniePrinceCharlie in his previous post. I have been in higher ed for 28 years (as a teacher, advisor, chair, and now dean). I rarely saw tears when I was wearing my 'professor hat'. Students treated me with respect, and I respected them as well. I saw far more tears as an administrator when I played a disciplinary role (chairing honor or academic standards/appeals committees) where the penalties were more dramatic (suspension or dismissal). I've also faced tears and hostility when students were denied admissions to programs.

I never considered these tears as an attempt to manipulate me; rather I viewed them as tears for shattered dreams or loss of face.

by Anonymousreply 8610/06/2012

[quote]This is how women get ahead. It's the oldest trick in the book.

You mean straight women. This doesn't apply to lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 8810/06/2012

OP, Be grateful that you've only had a few criers.

Teaching is becoming a dangerous occupation, and from what I hear, it's the entitled boys/young men who are threatening teachers everywhere in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

If you haven't been manhandled yet by a frustrated jock or a pampered Momma's boy you will in the future. Be prepared--it's happening everywhere now.

by Anonymousreply 9110/06/2012

I think society thinks way to much of crying. To me it's just it's a human response like sneezing or passing gas. It's just reaction to sadness or frustration or pain. A person's entire character should not be judged because they cried in public.

My boss (female) had a crying moment this week, and I could not believe how much the other women in the office talked about it. They hated her for it. Big fucking deal. She cried. Move on.

I worked in academia for a couple of years. Fewer places will you find such a high concentration of selfish, pompous, self-aggrandizing assholes who think the entire future of society is dependent on their sole point of view.

by Anonymousreply 9210/06/2012

[quote]You mean straight women. This doesn't apply to lesbians.

You must have missed Ellen Degeneres breaking down on national television over a puppy. There are plenty of nutty and manipulative lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 9310/06/2012

OP, also understand that probably a quarter of your students are being medicated. Anti-depressants and other psych meds wreak havoc on brain chemistry and can cause outbursts.

Just be glad it's only tears so far.

by Anonymousreply 9610/06/2012

This is off topic but I need to ask- My BF has the most craptastic history prof . His syllabus details very little about might be expected of a student but does talk a lot about how the prof enjoys kayaking and puppet shows. Study guides are nonsensical and tell students "Watch Mexico God Gold Glory on Discovery". Test seem non relevant to the material and he is barely pulling a passing grade. It is too late to withdraw . Can he take this to the department head with any chance of a positive resolution?

by Anonymousreply 9710/06/2012

Bottom line, we're now a nation of infantile crybabies. Honestly, it's pathetic. All of the nasty Rs crucifying OP's views sound like overgrown coddled brats who are part of the problem.

by Anonymousreply 9810/06/2012

The only woman that's ever cried to OP is his mother, for not pulling him out with a coat hanger when she still had time.

by Anonymousreply 9910/06/2012

lol. You are just a fucking liar. You told the girls you will treat them like adults and suddenly they start coming to your office and crying. Alright....Stop pretending to be a professor.

by Anonymousreply 10010/06/2012

Wow r101. You are a real piece of work.

by Anonymousreply 10210/06/2012

[quote]I am absolutely fair and a great H/R manager.

by Anonymousreply 10410/06/2012

I ove R86.

by Anonymousreply 10510/06/2012

I teach and have experienced several crying students in my office. I asked my therapist (female) how to deal with this--it bothers me a lot.

She told me to just let them cry. That was great advice.

by Anonymousreply 10610/06/2012

Sure thing buddy. We believe you. Now go back to your meds, ask that nurse to give you a stronger dosage next him.

by Anonymousreply 10710/06/2012

I cried once in my teacher's offce? Why? Because a friend of mine had been abducted while on a walk after dinner with her parents. Still missing to this day.

by Anonymousreply 10810/06/2012

Crying Girl Con Artist

The "crying girl" is a particularly prolific and notorious scammer who has been victimizing people in Davis. She is described as a normal to slightly overweight Caucasian girl in her mid to late teens, with blond (dyed) hair wearing heavy, tear-smeared make-up. She frequents the downtown area and near grocery stores, clutching a train schedule and approaching people with one of two stories. She alternates between a story involving her mother stranding her in Davis and another involving her boyfriend dumping her and then stranding her in Davis.

She will quite frequently cry during these stories to lend legitimacy. The amount requested for "train tickets" will generally be around $40 dollars, give or take a few dollars, also to lend legitimacy. Reportedly, she has also begun telling people a new story wherein she purports to be homeless. She has been known be become aggressive when people make her mad, and confrontations with her should be avoided.

by Anonymousreply 10910/06/2012


i've had to work with two women who were middle-aged fan-gurrls - both were smart and talented (tho not quite as smart and talented as they each thought!) & both nice enough - until crossed. one of them could be really sarcastic as well - and went to great lengths to proclaim her feminism and how it informed her outlook on just about everything -

yet when they submitted sub-par work and this was noted - they both resorted to tears.

this really shitted me. especially with the sarcastic one, who had no problems being quite cunty to other people.

of course it was upsetting initially to see someone who is so obviously distressed - but i just feel that in a professional context it's very poor form - and i really felt like they were trying to manipulate me. which made me want to back off until they got their shit together.

i don't care if that's how they interact with their boyfriends or husbands - but it's not appropriate in a workplace.

- and i love women. have as many female friends as i do male - really not a misogynist! work in an industry that has a slightly higher proportion of women working in it - and most of by mentors and bosses have been women. i've admired them immensely and been influenced by their example.

and none of them turned on the tears at work that i ever saw. sheesh!

by Anonymousreply 11010/06/2012

[quote] Once I wrote a person up for crying, she did it again and I let her go.

What an asset you are to the HR world, R101!

by Anonymousreply 11210/06/2012

OMG, people are being let go for "crying"? The HR manager who did that sounds spectacularly inept.

by Anonymousreply 11310/06/2012

r8 is right.

by Anonymousreply 11710/06/2012

R86, you perfectly described why I broke down. As I noted, I was distressed because a dream had to be put on hold and was severely depressed to begin with. Some people are legitimately burdened with medical or personal issues and cry because they're in distress. I'm sure some people try to manipulate, but don't assume that every person who cries is doing that. People who think adults should never cry are emotionally unhealthy. Suppressing emotions isn't a sign of strength.

by Anonymousreply 11810/07/2012


by Anonymousreply 11910/07/2012

r110 - why would anyone cry if they submitted subpar work? I can't understand it.

BTW, sarcasasm in women, especially the constant, ongoing type, is usually an expression of deep-seated rage.

Granted feminism can put a chip on some women's shoulder, but there are usually other issues there as well when it informs their entire life.

most crying at work or school, in women, is more a sign of frustration and inability to show anger than anything else.

some maybe manipulators, but real crying - tears, for an extended period, shaking - that's real and certainly not for whatever minor inicident triggered it.

by Anonymousreply 12010/07/2012

I think it is a peculiarly self-centered point of view to assume that the point of anyone's tears is the effect it will have on you.

Instead of forcing people not to cry, how about letting them cry and not letting it influence your decisions?

by Anonymousreply 12110/07/2012

Well if the guys don't cry, do they offer blowjobs or something?

by Anonymousreply 12210/07/2012

Crying is one of those emotional blackmail weapons that people like to throw around now. It's like they think the world must suddenly stop because the waterworks start flowing.

Instead of insisting that the person stops crying, which will only make the matter worse, it is much better to keep your composure and continue treating the person in the same manner that you always have. Calmly and respectfully deal with it.

It is greatly important to treat all students exactly the same.

by Anonymousreply 12310/07/2012

WOW, I guess I'm just a big ole girly-girl because, on Friday, I came home after my last class and burst into tears. I'm doing fine, I didn't screw up any papers or exams, and I wasn't trying to influence anyone. I was just tired and frustrated and crying seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn't cry to any of my profs because I wasn't upset with anyone. I just tweeted it out for the virtual hugs.

by Anonymousreply 12410/07/2012

[quote]nothing mysoginistic about it,

I [bold][italic]greatly[/italic][/bold] doubt anyone who spells "misogynistic" this way, or who thinks "females" can serve as a noun when describing human beings, is an actual college teacher.

Nice try, OP.

by Anonymousreply 12510/07/2012

A real cry session can be very cathartic but I would never do this in front of an authority figure. You really lose respect when you cry about anything other than a traumatic event.

by Anonymousreply 12710/07/2012

Slow clap for R121. We have a winner.

by Anonymousreply 12810/07/2012

This is indeed a classic mhb thread. You can tell it's him: the misspellings, the blatant and boastful misogyny, the nutty pretense of being an academic.

by Anonymousreply 12910/08/2012

Civilized people have a town crier to handle this sort of thing.

by Anonymousreply 13010/08/2012

mhb has been awal lately, but yeah, maybe...

by Anonymousreply 13110/08/2012

Eh... hard to know whose side to be on, here. I guess if OP treats the non-crying female students with respect, then I can agree with the OP. A sob-fest (on cue) does not merit a midterm paper extension. I'd say the same thing as OP. But if OP is generally full of contempt toward all students with vaginas, then OP should not be teaching.

by Anonymousreply 13210/08/2012


by Anonymousreply 13310/08/2012

Clearly it's the latter, r132.

by Anonymousreply 13410/08/2012

I cried once during a meeting with my boss - I was so embarrassed. Sometimes it just happens and you can't stop it. I think it's an oestrogen thing.

by Anonymousreply 13510/09/2012

I was being interviewed for a job once by a 3-person panel and one of the interviewers started crying after asking a question. Boy, if that wasn't awkward...

by Anonymousreply 13610/09/2012


by Anonymousreply 13710/09/2012
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