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Have you ever been waiting for someone to die?

You cared about that person but knew they were dying and hoped that they could just get it over with? Selfish? Does that feeling border on being sociopathic?

by Anonymousreply 5010/09/2012

You, OP.

Can I have some of your stuff?

by Anonymousreply 109/22/2012

I am going through that right now with a friend, OP. He is 84 years old, in a nursing home, and has given up on life.

by Anonymousreply 209/22/2012

I love it when the R1 actually lives up to the cunty reputation *and* is funny.

by Anonymousreply 309/22/2012

I'm sorry you are going through it, r2.

It would be easier if I had a crystal ball and knew exactly why this friend is dying. Yes, he has been ill for some time but this week, he suddenly took a turn for the worse.

by Anonymousreply 409/22/2012

Shit, I have nothing that you would want r1 and it's not least not me, this time.

by Anonymousreply 509/22/2012

Ja. This waiting is endless.

by Anonymousreply 609/22/2012

[quote]he suddenly took a turn for the worse.

Towards Florida?

by Anonymousreply 709/22/2012

Many times during the 80s-90s, OP, and then later with my aging parents. I'd give anything to bring them all back but not as the suffering individuals they were in their final days. That would be too cruel and too selfish on my part.

by Anonymousreply 809/22/2012

insert zsa zsa joke.

by Anonymousreply 909/22/2012

You are sweet, r8. I'm sorry for your losses.

by Anonymousreply 1009/22/2012

The '80s and '90s were the worst.

I said, DON'T GO TO FLORIDA! He went to Florida.

by Anonymousreply 1109/22/2012

R2, maybe he has good reason to give up on life...if he's sick.

by Anonymousreply 1209/22/2012

Maybe so, R12.

by Anonymousreply 1309/22/2012

Yes. I am waiting for the trend of men wearing dress shoes without socks to die.

by Anonymousreply 1409/22/2012

When someone is sick & can't get better, & his life brings no joy to him or anyone else, then death is a relief to all concerned. Nothing wrong with acknowledging that reality. Dr Kervorkian was right.

by Anonymousreply 1509/22/2012

If you're hoping they get it over with because it's a nuisance to you (even though you're not this person's caregiver), then yes, Murial, you're terrible.

If it's because you feel empathy for their suffering (doesn't sound like it), then it's understandable.

by Anonymousreply 1609/22/2012

LOL at the witty bitches, here.

But in all seriousness, OP, no, it's not sociopathic or evil to feel that a sick person would be better off dead.

It's normal, and is simply a matter of being realistic about a person's quality of life.

by Anonymousreply 1709/22/2012

What? I love that look!

by Anonymousreply 1809/22/2012

I can think of a certain poster. I'm sure he knows who he is because he trolls every thread waiting for his name to pop up when he's not bumping his own pointless threads.

by Anonymousreply 1909/22/2012

I had a friend who I only knew towards the end of his life. It was the mid-90s and he was dying of AIDS. About three days before he died, he was in the hospital and asked me to stay with him at the hospital.

He had a really rough night that night. It seemed he was suffering horribly. I found myself wishing he would die just to not have to suffer any more. (Or, to be honest, I wanted him to have a peaceful night and pass on after I left in the morning.

After another night without me there he called to tell me he was home and was feeling fine.

The next day he was dead.

A couple of weeks earlier, we went to a party. He was in shockingly bad shape, but was very concerned about looking good. I couldn't understand why he would even care.

Now, it's been nearly two decades since his death. Death is something different to me now because I've experienced it a lot (well, the death of others). I no longer think it is such a big deal and don't fear my own death, except for the mess it would leave behind.

But I look back on my friend and know I was really naive. He had a horrible night that night, but I'm sure he had many nights that were just as horrible, if not worse. But he still liked to dress up and go out. The joy wasn't gone from his life. It was tragic for his life to have ended when it did, and I was in no position to judge when it was his time.

Since then, I've seen several people struggle to keep going when it seemed that it was time for them to give up. I saw that with my Mom. I now see that the decision of when to let go should usually be left to the individual. I should be able to decide when it's time for me to pass on, but, as far other people go, it's none of my business.

by Anonymousreply 2009/22/2012

If you want to go back to the time of AIDS, the 80s/90s, then yes, I hoped for a merciful death for these friends who had no hope whatsoever. At the end, the nurses would drop off a small vial of morphine and explained that you could give them an extra dose if you felt they "needed it." I probably OD'd a couple of friends to shorten their suffering at the very end.

Recently, my father was in the hospital and almost died twice. I told him he shouldn't be afraid to let go if he felt the time was near. Then he rallied and came back completely, so I felt guilty for mentioning it.

by Anonymousreply 2109/22/2012

Yes, but I hadn't even gotten to the bridge of "So Long Dearie!" and she was gone.

And that was my favorite part.

by Anonymousreply 2209/22/2012

Yes. Lindsay Lohan.

by Anonymousreply 2309/22/2012

[quote] and hoped that they could just get it over with

OP - I'm not sure whether you are cruel and uncaring or just clumsy with words.

R21 expressed things well in writing about a 'merciful death'.

by Anonymousreply 2409/22/2012

Yes R21, I know how you felt and I don't think you should feel guilty.

by Anonymousreply 2509/23/2012

“I hope you die. I hope you die soon. I’ll be waitin’ for you to die.”

by Anonymousreply 2609/24/2012

Well yeah, Steve Jobs. I knew what he was dying from and even though he was a monumental douchebag, that's not a death I'd wish on anyone. Pancreatic cancer is one horrible death.

by Anonymousreply 2709/24/2012

You know, it's not that horrible, if you just accept kills you pretty quick. If some lying doctor gives you chemo...he/she is only doing it to console you or make money. There is no cure (yet) for pancreatic cancer.

by Anonymousreply 2809/25/2012

By the way R25, I'm pretty positive that YOU are cruel and uncaring...besides being a fucking know it all, fathead. Now, did I express myself in a way that YOU can understand?

by Anonymousreply 2909/25/2012

That's how I felt when my dad died, OP. He was suffering from total organ failure, essentially, old age. Stuff was just shutting down due to an infection.

I did just want him to die. It took weeks, and my dad was always a big wuss about being sick. Nobody could tell me how conscious he was or wasn't, and I knew if he was awake he was really scared and miserable.

I said to a few close family members, who knew the situation, "I'm glad he doesn't have to live through any more of this," afterwards, and you should have seen the looks I got, like I was just wanting him to die and get rid of him. Nothing could be further from the truth, but I'm old enough now to know I don't want to die like that, and I know he didn't either. People made me feel like a sociopath.

by Anonymousreply 3009/25/2012

Sorry R30, no disrespect.

by Anonymousreply 3109/25/2012

I'll never understand why people act as if it is unusual when people die. We all die and our goal is to die with as little suffering as possible. For some reason, I guess we aren't suppose to be honest about that.

For me, I want to be able to choose my time. I've seen enough to know, it's better to get your car in the garage and turn on the motor.

by Anonymousreply 3209/25/2012

My 9 year-old nephew is dying from an unoperable glioma (diagnosed barely a year ago) He is now completely paralysed except for his fingers on his left hand. He cannot talk anymore. He is locked in his body with his brain functionning normally. He can hear us, he understands what's happening.

I have gut wrenching dreams / nightmares about his eyes, the expressions we can read in his eyes.

I didn't know you could emotionnally suffer like this before this happened in my family and yes, I just want him to die because this is inhumane.

There is no God.

by Anonymousreply 3309/25/2012

Yes. It's comforting to get married first so you get half of the estate.

by Anonymousreply 3409/25/2012

My grandma suffered a succession of strokes in the 90s, each one worst than the first. By the time she had the fourth one, four of her surviving sisters had died, she had lost the ability to speak, walk and had to be fed through a tube. Her quality of life had deteriorated so much to the point that death would have been a relief to her and her family. My mom and uncles ran themselves ragged caring for her and spending so much money for home health care. She needed a nurse 24/7, and Medicare didn't cover shit.

by Anonymousreply 3509/25/2012

We have 2 dogs and 2 cats. The oldest dog and the oldest cat are 17. The dog can barely bring himself off the floor. He eats half of what he did a month ago. When he's not sleeping, the oldest cat spends his time pulling out his fur. My man just turns a blind eye to their suffering. I feel sorry for the both of them.

by Anonymousreply 3609/25/2012

Oh for god's sake, I know the feeling.

by Anonymousreply 3709/25/2012

But God has a plan for everyone, R34! That is his plan for your nephew and his family!

by Anonymousreply 3809/25/2012

My grandfather just died on Sat. morning. He was overseas and he was buried before we even found out about it. He had been sick for so long, had dementia and was stuck either in bed or in a wheelchair, wearing diapers, and it was actually a relief. It also sounds heartless but since they were living on a fixed income, he was really draining their finances. If he had lived longer my step-grandmother would have been broke. He wasn't the big, blustering man I remember who was always cracking jokes.

by Anonymousreply 3909/25/2012

yeah... the fucking Latina office administrator I posted about in the other thread. Can't wait.

by Anonymousreply 4009/25/2012

Don't you think it's time to take the dog and cat in, to be put to sleep. 17 is old for a dog.

by Anonymousreply 4109/25/2012

Wow, the creepy pasta is even creepier than I knew. There is something soul dead inside of her.

by Anonymousreply 4209/26/2012

R25 Agreed. He has autism or something more serious.

by Anonymousreply 4309/26/2012

Are we discussing pasta? Hum...I knew pasta had a shelf life but I thought we were discussing human death and whether we should suffer for weeks, or months, or whether it's better to just get it over with?

by Anonymousreply 4409/26/2012

OP's friend is happy to be living another day, but OP would rather Friend just die, so the OP doesn't have to be discomforted any more.

[quote] Does that feeling border on being sociopathic?[/quote]


by Anonymousreply 4509/26/2012

Friend did live another day and his friend is relieved but knows the relief will be short lived. When you know death is just around the corner, it's hard to stop thinking about it.

Seems like there are a couple of very foolish fraus haunting the board. Women who are afraid to contemplate to accept it and make peace with it.

by Anonymousreply 4609/26/2012

[quote]I'm old enough now to know I don't want to die like that, and I know he didn't either. People made me feel like a sociopath.

Yes. Thank you.

My dad died at the beginning of the year - he had dementia, Parkinsons and was becoming more violent the more dependent he became. It was horrible just watching him slide into oblivion like that.

I know he hated the way he had become. He had always been so active but at the end he couldn't even go to the bathroom by himself.

The whole situation did spark the conversation within the rest of the family about quality of life and what we want in the end.

by Anonymousreply 4709/26/2012

It is not in the least bit sociopathic, OP.

by Anonymousreply 4809/26/2012

My friend died today.

by Anonymousreply 4910/09/2012
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