Maybe the women I know are just batshit, but I've noticed a disturbing trend of women in their late 20s & early 30s suddenly deciding that they are not actually lesbians but are in fact straight or bi. Just out of the blue one day. Is female sexuality really just this fluid?
|by Anonymous||reply 58||05/23/2013|
Is the "hasbian/lesbiain't" trend more apparent than guys going "ex-gay"?
|by Anonymous||reply 1||09/09/2012|
LUGS - it's nothing new.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||09/09/2012|
Is it not called experimenting?
|by Anonymous||reply 3||09/09/2012|
Yes, it is. Women aren't as narrow-minded as men.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||09/09/2012|
Were they lesbians at heart or just having lesbian sex and (possibly) in a lesbian relationship? There's a difference.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||09/09/2012|
I always thought most people in their 30s had figured out whether they liked say men or women. I can understand discovering your bi, but switching teams completely? I experimented well into my mid twenties, but by the the time I was 30 I was certain I preferred men and would never consider myself straight even if I did end up sleeping with a woman.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||09/09/2012|
[quote]Yes, it is. Women aren't as narrow-minded as men.
It couldn't possibly be the biological differences between male and female sexuality, it must be all about open or narrow mindedness!
|by Anonymous||reply 7||09/09/2012|
Why is it "disturbing"? Maybe they'll go back to Breederland and preach open-mindedness. I've never really heard about bitter ex-lesbians becoming militantly straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||09/09/2012|
My current gf did this, had a bad breakup with a woman and started dating men - less emotional entanglement. Then in her late 30's she realized she was lying to herself and acknowledged she is bisexual, with a strong preference for women.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||09/09/2012|
But would they admit it, if they don't have a flagging acting career to boost?
|by Anonymous||reply 10||09/09/2012|
Economics, op, economics.
A lot of lesbians are not rich.
Where there's a cock there's money/security and as women grow older they want security.
So these women ditch the bitches and make the switches.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||09/09/2012|
Women in their late 20s, early 30s, want kids the easy way.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||09/09/2012|
It's not a trend, it's been that way for some time.
They're just lugs - straight women who tried to be lesbian around college age. That's the time most young women away school and try to piss their parents off and scandalize people. About the same time they adopted veganism, got a temporary black boyfriend, etc...
|by Anonymous||reply 13||09/09/2012|
This thread is making me horny as hell!
|by Anonymous||reply 14||09/09/2012|
I think r12 has it right. For me, in my early 30s my biological clock started ticking and for a while I had a sudden craving for men. I never acted on it and it eventually went away. But I'm sure some lesbians do act on it. And change their label accordingly.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||09/09/2012|
It's a sin to be ashamed of who you are
|by Anonymous||reply 16||09/09/2012|
I think it just means they've developed better taste. :)
|by Anonymous||reply 17||09/09/2012|
They were never lesbian to start with. Bisexual at the most.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||09/09/2012|
They'll be back.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||09/09/2012|
I've known several such women. I know a couple who completely disappeared from our community once they found their "man". Years later, I found two of them on facebook and tried contacting them but neither one responded. They want to pretend that "phase" never happened now that they are happily living in the burbs with their hubbies and kids. Another hasbian who suddenly started dating men claimed she was bisexual all along and got married for a brief period. After her divorce she found a new guy who was supposedly the best man on planet and for a while was saying she wasn't attracted to women at all anymore. But then just in the last year one of her ex-girlfriend came back into her life and now she has that male partner and a girlfriend. Dykes and their amazing transformations.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||09/09/2012|
they just don't want to get pregnant. When the baby clock starts to tick they need a d...!
|by Anonymous||reply 21||09/09/2012|
|by Anonymous||reply 22||09/09/2012|
r13 is 100 years old.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||09/09/2012|
The bad thing is the ones who act like the lesbian phase never happened. It definitely feels like discrimination. I have a friend who was with a woman for 9 years, then got together with and married a guy who has no idea about her past relationship. We're all told not to talk about it, she doesn't want to freak him out. Ugh.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||09/09/2012|
A big reason for this is the fact that it's easy for women to hide who they are, compared to men.
A straight or bisexual woman can hide as "gay", for whatever reason (because she was trying to avoid men due to bad experiences with them, or she was trying to be gay due to whatever gay clique or movement she got into in college).
In the other direction, a gay woman who wants to be straight can act straight. If she wants marriage, babies, a picket fence and a supportive husband, or wants to run from the pain of bad relationships with women, it's not that big of a challenge.
It's very different from gay men. Not saying gay men don't fake marriages or try to be straight, because they do. But it's monumentally easier for women to fool people, even themselves. They don't need to get an erection, and due to poor sex ed or misinformation, if they aren't into the sex with a man, it doesn't really alarm either her or the husband.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||09/09/2012|
Why does R16's post make me think of a Tyler Perry movie?
|by Anonymous||reply 26||09/09/2012|
Oh great, [R18]. More of those "people can't change their sexualities, they either are or are not, they were born that way and it can never be influenced. They would have to have been bisexual all along, even though they took 30 long years for their attraction to men to surface" people.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||09/30/2012|
Who was that singer who was all radical feminists lesbian and then married at man when she hit her 40s -- Holly Near? Someone like that.
As for the boys, you have ol' Tom Robinson.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||09/30/2012|
Women are just more flexible than men in pretty much everything.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||09/30/2012|
They are bisexual but depending on who they fall in love with they use the label consistent with their love interest.
I'm bisexual, always identified as such and in my 20's dated a couple of women who idenitifed as lesbians but then dated men in their 30's. The weirdness was that these self identified lesbians would badmouth bisexuality, which made it difficult to stay in a relationship with them. I tried not to laugh in their faces when they went for dick in their 30's. If only they had just been a wee bit more tempered instead of acting as their sexuality was black and white and that bisexual women were destroying the community. Oh please.
Luckily I haven't known any self identified lesbian who went for dick and then pretended they hadn't been in relationships with women. Most of the one's who I know who stayed with men would acknowldge that they had female loves in their life.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||09/30/2012|
Do men do the same thing? Deny their gay past? Is it common?
|by Anonymous||reply 31||09/30/2012|
Don't understand lesbians.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||09/30/2012|
Sinead O'Connor is an example of this phenomenon, right? I wonder what she identifies as these days.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||09/30/2012|
These women are bisexuals with maybe a preference for men. Hence going back to men. Or they are self-loathing lesbians. I think for some reason people are more dismissive of lesbian closet cases. If a guy was in a gay relationship and then said he has an ex-gay no one would believe him. There is no such thing as an ex-gay/hasbian.
I do think however, people can find one singular person attractive outside of there self identified orientation. Also a persons romantic orientation can be different than their sexual orientation. Are thesee ex-lesbians having sex, or are they just emotionally attracted to women??
|by Anonymous||reply 34||05/22/2013|
I don't think women are more sexually fluid. Women just can openly talk about gay sexual experiences(or vice versa in the case of lesbians) without the stigma that a man can.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||05/22/2013|
r25 Yup, and butch lesbians can always hide behind just being a "tomboy" more than a swishy gay guy can say he is just artistic or whatever.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||05/22/2013|
I guy I work with confided to me that his wife had been in a 10 year relationship before him. They are married and have a 4 year old boy.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||05/22/2013|
Tom Robinson,Stephen Daldry and Rupert Graves used to be and now they are straight later in life
|by Anonymous||reply 38||05/22/2013|
"I don't think women are more sexually fluid."
Yes, they are. In studies it was shown that women were turned on by images of both men and women, whereas man where only turned on by men or women, depending on whether they were gay or straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||05/22/2013|
[quote]Is female sexuality really just this fluid?
I dunno.. I used to think that women had the more plastic sexuality, that seems to be the case. But could it also not be that lesbianism (read: lipstick lesbianism particularly) is generally just more acceptable in society and women are more willing to admit to it. We know this about lipstick lesbianism of course, one of the most tiresome trends from the 90s.
Whereas male homosexuality always is the ultimate taboo - the root of homophobia seems to be disgust over the sex act. You see those Westboro types with placards depicting buggery and lots of phobes say stuff like "how can a man put his dick up the place another guy shits from". They go into the most graphic of terms, which says a lot.
Male homosexuality or men sleeping with men as just an experimental thing is never admitted to - celebrities especially don't help and you know it's happening there a lot. In fact your regular real life person these days is more likely to admit they like a bit of the gay, a new generation of "open minded" people.
Women think about sex in a different way to men who are penis led and wired to fuck (gays and straight, we get lumped in as promiscuous but it's surely the same) and it can be almost anything in the end for a lot. The amount of men with "tendencies" is really quite shocking, despite being under the rug.
I've saw plenty of straight women point out unprompted "I'm not into women" and when I asked one do you think this girl's hot she was like "I wouldn't know, I don't like women". Wtf.
This is all fascinating stuff anyway and I'd like to know more about this, not enough seems to be known or it just isn't talked about enough.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||05/22/2013|
It is easy to preetend to be a middle aged straight woman. You just lie there once a week and then the rest of the time fight with your husband.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||05/22/2013|
Women go where the money is. They thought they were going to bag a Navratilova or an Ellen- and then they didn't. Back to Doug farting on the couch.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||05/23/2013|
R42, the odd connection I make with what you're saying is that while lesbianism is more accepted and gay men are more reviled, 100% gay men still outnumber 100% lesbians by like a huge ratio.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||05/23/2013|
Exbians realize that cocks are where the fun is!
|by Anonymous||reply 44||05/23/2013|
[quote]Exbians realize that cocks are where the fun is!
Ehhhh, it's not exactly that.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||05/23/2013|
lol, R41 - true. Yuck, who wants that?
|by Anonymous||reply 46||05/23/2013|
[quote] I've noticed a disturbing trend of women in their late 20s & early 30s suddenly deciding that they are not actually lesbians but are in fact straight or bi. Just out of the blue one day.
Yes, of course you have noticed this, OP. You have scores of lesbian friends in their late 20s and early 30s and your anecdotal evidence is undoubtedly rooted in reality and reflective of the larger society.
You're not a troll starting the umpteenth thread about lesbians
|by Anonymous||reply 47||05/23/2013|
Call me crazy but you may be onto something there r42.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||05/23/2013|
This is why labels are largely useless. Sexuality, for many people, is fluid.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||05/23/2013|
I think people can be temporarily "fluid" due to temporary insanity, experimentation, loneliness and lack of the desired kind of partner, but in reality, people are either "gay" or "straight."
|by Anonymous||reply 50||05/23/2013|
Bisexuality does exist, R50.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||05/23/2013|
I don't really buy it. Some are probably bisexuals but others are lesbians who get fed up with their personal relationship experiences, try something new, get a few kids without investing in IVF and then go back to lesbian land.
I prefer the non-judgmental lesbians who just acknowledge that they found themselves attracted to particular men but still identify as lesbians while experimenting w/o judging the women who are still experimenting TBH. Less drama.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||05/23/2013|
yes, as I explained it, R51
|by Anonymous||reply 53||05/23/2013|
Women want to be provided for. A PE teacher, long haul trucker, plumber or shift worker just can't do it. Naturally they go back to men.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||05/23/2013|
some women, R54
|by Anonymous||reply 55||05/23/2013|
r54: not really. I know quite a few women who outearn their husbands.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||05/23/2013|
R56. I followed a rabbit a hole and found a wonderland
|by Anonymous||reply 57||05/23/2013|
It happens to men too. I know men who identified as heterosexual and gay in their 20s, 30s, and 40s or even older and they then discovered that they're bisexual.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||05/23/2013|