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Ex Lesbians

Maybe the women I know are just batshit, but I've noticed a disturbing trend of women in their late 20s & early 30s suddenly deciding that they are not actually lesbians but are in fact straight or bi. Just out of the blue one day. Is female sexuality really just this fluid?

by Anonymousreply 5805/23/2013

Is the "hasbian/lesbiain't" trend more apparent than guys going "ex-gay"?

by Anonymousreply 109/09/2012

LUGS - it's nothing new.

by Anonymousreply 209/09/2012

Is it not called experimenting?

by Anonymousreply 309/09/2012

Yes, it is. Women aren't as narrow-minded as men.

by Anonymousreply 409/09/2012

Were they lesbians at heart or just having lesbian sex and (possibly) in a lesbian relationship? There's a difference.

by Anonymousreply 509/09/2012

I always thought most people in their 30s had figured out whether they liked say men or women. I can understand discovering your bi, but switching teams completely? I experimented well into my mid twenties, but by the the time I was 30 I was certain I preferred men and would never consider myself straight even if I did end up sleeping with a woman.

by Anonymousreply 609/09/2012

[quote]Yes, it is. Women aren't as narrow-minded as men.

It couldn't possibly be the biological differences between male and female sexuality, it must be all about open or narrow mindedness!

by Anonymousreply 709/09/2012

Why is it "disturbing"? Maybe they'll go back to Breederland and preach open-mindedness. I've never really heard about bitter ex-lesbians becoming militantly straight.

by Anonymousreply 809/09/2012

My current gf did this, had a bad breakup with a woman and started dating men - less emotional entanglement. Then in her late 30's she realized she was lying to herself and acknowledged she is bisexual, with a strong preference for women.

by Anonymousreply 909/09/2012

But would they admit it, if they don't have a flagging acting career to boost?

by Anonymousreply 1009/09/2012

Economics, op, economics.

A lot of lesbians are not rich.

Where there's a cock there's money/security and as women grow older they want security.

So these women ditch the bitches and make the switches.

by Anonymousreply 1109/09/2012

Women in their late 20s, early 30s, want kids the easy way.

by Anonymousreply 1209/09/2012

It's not a trend, it's been that way for some time.

They're just lugs - straight women who tried to be lesbian around college age. That's the time most young women away school and try to piss their parents off and scandalize people. About the same time they adopted veganism, got a temporary black boyfriend, etc...

by Anonymousreply 1309/09/2012

This thread is making me horny as hell!

by Anonymousreply 1409/09/2012

I think r12 has it right. For me, in my early 30s my biological clock started ticking and for a while I had a sudden craving for men. I never acted on it and it eventually went away. But I'm sure some lesbians do act on it. And change their label accordingly.

by Anonymousreply 1509/09/2012

It's a sin to be ashamed of who you are

by Anonymousreply 1609/09/2012

I think it just means they've developed better taste. :)

by Anonymousreply 1709/09/2012

They were never lesbian to start with. Bisexual at the most.

by Anonymousreply 1809/09/2012

They'll be back.

by Anonymousreply 1909/09/2012

I've known several such women. I know a couple who completely disappeared from our community once they found their "man". Years later, I found two of them on facebook and tried contacting them but neither one responded. They want to pretend that "phase" never happened now that they are happily living in the burbs with their hubbies and kids. Another hasbian who suddenly started dating men claimed she was bisexual all along and got married for a brief period. After her divorce she found a new guy who was supposedly the best man on planet and for a while was saying she wasn't attracted to women at all anymore. But then just in the last year one of her ex-girlfriend came back into her life and now she has that male partner and a girlfriend. Dykes and their amazing transformations.

by Anonymousreply 2009/09/2012

they just don't want to get pregnant. When the baby clock starts to tick they need a d...!

by Anonymousreply 2109/09/2012

Chaz Bono

by Anonymousreply 2209/09/2012

r13 is 100 years old.

by Anonymousreply 2309/09/2012

The bad thing is the ones who act like the lesbian phase never happened. It definitely feels like discrimination. I have a friend who was with a woman for 9 years, then got together with and married a guy who has no idea about her past relationship. We're all told not to talk about it, she doesn't want to freak him out. Ugh.

by Anonymousreply 2409/09/2012

A big reason for this is the fact that it's easy for women to hide who they are, compared to men.

A straight or bisexual woman can hide as "gay", for whatever reason (because she was trying to avoid men due to bad experiences with them, or she was trying to be gay due to whatever gay clique or movement she got into in college).

In the other direction, a gay woman who wants to be straight can act straight. If she wants marriage, babies, a picket fence and a supportive husband, or wants to run from the pain of bad relationships with women, it's not that big of a challenge.

It's very different from gay men. Not saying gay men don't fake marriages or try to be straight, because they do. But it's monumentally easier for women to fool people, even themselves. They don't need to get an erection, and due to poor sex ed or misinformation, if they aren't into the sex with a man, it doesn't really alarm either her or the husband.

by Anonymousreply 2509/09/2012

Why does R16's post make me think of a Tyler Perry movie?

by Anonymousreply 2609/09/2012

Oh great, [R18]. More of those "people can't change their sexualities, they either are or are not, they were born that way and it can never be influenced. They would have to have been bisexual all along, even though they took 30 long years for their attraction to men to surface" people.

by Anonymousreply 2709/30/2012

Who was that singer who was all radical feminists lesbian and then married at man when she hit her 40s -- Holly Near? Someone like that.

As for the boys, you have ol' Tom Robinson.

by Anonymousreply 2809/30/2012

Women are just more flexible than men in pretty much everything.

by Anonymousreply 2909/30/2012

They are bisexual but depending on who they fall in love with they use the label consistent with their love interest.

I'm bisexual, always identified as such and in my 20's dated a couple of women who idenitifed as lesbians but then dated men in their 30's. The weirdness was that these self identified lesbians would badmouth bisexuality, which made it difficult to stay in a relationship with them. I tried not to laugh in their faces when they went for dick in their 30's. If only they had just been a wee bit more tempered instead of acting as their sexuality was black and white and that bisexual women were destroying the community. Oh please.

Luckily I haven't known any self identified lesbian who went for dick and then pretended they hadn't been in relationships with women. Most of the one's who I know who stayed with men would acknowldge that they had female loves in their life.

by Anonymousreply 3009/30/2012

Do men do the same thing? Deny their gay past? Is it common?

by Anonymousreply 3109/30/2012

Don't understand lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 3209/30/2012

Sinead O'Connor is an example of this phenomenon, right? I wonder what she identifies as these days.

by Anonymousreply 3309/30/2012

These women are bisexuals with maybe a preference for men. Hence going back to men. Or they are self-loathing lesbians. I think for some reason people are more dismissive of lesbian closet cases. If a guy was in a gay relationship and then said he has an ex-gay no one would believe him. There is no such thing as an ex-gay/hasbian.

I do think however, people can find one singular person attractive outside of there self identified orientation. Also a persons romantic orientation can be different than their sexual orientation. Are thesee ex-lesbians having sex, or are they just emotionally attracted to women??

by Anonymousreply 3405/22/2013

I don't think women are more sexually fluid. Women just can openly talk about gay sexual experiences(or vice versa in the case of lesbians) without the stigma that a man can.

by Anonymousreply 3505/22/2013

r25 Yup, and butch lesbians can always hide behind just being a "tomboy" more than a swishy gay guy can say he is just artistic or whatever.

by Anonymousreply 3605/22/2013

I guy I work with confided to me that his wife had been in a 10 year relationship before him. They are married and have a 4 year old boy.

by Anonymousreply 3705/22/2013

Tom Robinson,Stephen Daldry and Rupert Graves used to be and now they are straight later in life

by Anonymousreply 3805/22/2013

"I don't think women are more sexually fluid."

Yes, they are. In studies it was shown that women were turned on by images of both men and women, whereas man where only turned on by men or women, depending on whether they were gay or straight.

by Anonymousreply 3905/22/2013

[quote]Is female sexuality really just this fluid?

I dunno.. I used to think that women had the more plastic sexuality, that seems to be the case. But could it also not be that lesbianism (read: lipstick lesbianism particularly) is generally just more acceptable in society and women are more willing to admit to it. We know this about lipstick lesbianism of course, one of the most tiresome trends from the 90s.

Whereas male homosexuality always is the ultimate taboo - the root of homophobia seems to be disgust over the sex act. You see those Westboro types with placards depicting buggery and lots of phobes say stuff like "how can a man put his dick up the place another guy shits from". They go into the most graphic of terms, which says a lot.

Male homosexuality or men sleeping with men as just an experimental thing is never admitted to - celebrities especially don't help and you know it's happening there a lot. In fact your regular real life person these days is more likely to admit they like a bit of the gay, a new generation of "open minded" people.

Women think about sex in a different way to men who are penis led and wired to fuck (gays and straight, we get lumped in as promiscuous but it's surely the same) and it can be almost anything in the end for a lot. The amount of men with "tendencies" is really quite shocking, despite being under the rug.

I've saw plenty of straight women point out unprompted "I'm not into women" and when I asked one do you think this girl's hot she was like "I wouldn't know, I don't like women". Wtf.

This is all fascinating stuff anyway and I'd like to know more about this, not enough seems to be known or it just isn't talked about enough.

by Anonymousreply 4005/22/2013

It is easy to preetend to be a middle aged straight woman. You just lie there once a week and then the rest of the time fight with your husband.

by Anonymousreply 4105/22/2013

Women go where the money is. They thought they were going to bag a Navratilova or an Ellen- and then they didn't. Back to Doug farting on the couch.

by Anonymousreply 4205/23/2013

R42, the odd connection I make with what you're saying is that while lesbianism is more accepted and gay men are more reviled, 100% gay men still outnumber 100% lesbians by like a huge ratio.

by Anonymousreply 4305/23/2013

Exbians realize that cocks are where the fun is!

by Anonymousreply 4405/23/2013

[quote]Exbians realize that cocks are where the fun is!

Ehhhh, it's not exactly that.

by Anonymousreply 4505/23/2013

lol, R41 - true. Yuck, who wants that?

by Anonymousreply 4605/23/2013

[quote] I've noticed a disturbing trend of women in their late 20s & early 30s suddenly deciding that they are not actually lesbians but are in fact straight or bi. Just out of the blue one day.

Yes, of course you have noticed this, OP. You have scores of lesbian friends in their late 20s and early 30s and your anecdotal evidence is undoubtedly rooted in reality and reflective of the larger society.

You're not a troll starting the umpteenth thread about lesbians

by Anonymousreply 4705/23/2013

Call me crazy but you may be onto something there r42.

by Anonymousreply 4805/23/2013

This is why labels are largely useless. Sexuality, for many people, is fluid.

by Anonymousreply 4905/23/2013

I think people can be temporarily "fluid" due to temporary insanity, experimentation, loneliness and lack of the desired kind of partner, but in reality, people are either "gay" or "straight."

by Anonymousreply 5005/23/2013

Bisexuality does exist, R50.

by Anonymousreply 5105/23/2013

I don't really buy it. Some are probably bisexuals but others are lesbians who get fed up with their personal relationship experiences, try something new, get a few kids without investing in IVF and then go back to lesbian land.

I prefer the non-judgmental lesbians who just acknowledge that they found themselves attracted to particular men but still identify as lesbians while experimenting w/o judging the women who are still experimenting TBH. Less drama.

by Anonymousreply 5205/23/2013

yes, as I explained it, R51

by Anonymousreply 5305/23/2013

Women want to be provided for. A PE teacher, long haul trucker, plumber or shift worker just can't do it. Naturally they go back to men.

by Anonymousreply 5405/23/2013

some women, R54

by Anonymousreply 5505/23/2013

r54: not really. I know quite a few women who outearn their husbands.

by Anonymousreply 5605/23/2013

R56. I followed a rabbit a hole and found a wonderland

by Anonymousreply 5705/23/2013

It happens to men too. I know men who identified as heterosexual and gay in their 20s, 30s, and 40s or even older and they then discovered that they're bisexual.

by Anonymousreply 5805/23/2013
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