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I'm a short fat middle-aged gay man who doesn't now know to dress himself

I've just started a diet (down 5 pounds so far.)

I hope to get down to a 34" waist, (starting from a 40 inch waist.) A 34 inch waist seems like reasonable goal and it would allow me to shop in most stores.

I wear jeans and polo shirts with the occasional short sleeved dress shirt thrown in.

Can anyone suggest what I should wear? My company is very business casual and I live in San Francisco whose citizens are renowned for they're lack of style.

by Anonymousreply 4003/22/2013

[quote] I live in San Francisco whose citizens are renowned for they're lack of style.

Oh dear.

by Anonymousreply 108/13/2012

Wear a burlap sack over your head, and when the townspeople chase and corner you, cry "I am not an animal!"

by Anonymousreply 208/13/2012

Do you have expendable income? Or is this a DIY project? Because you could just go to an upscale place and have a professional shopper show you everything that would look great on you. No pressure to buy anything if you'd rather go somewhere cheaper and you could get a great opinion on creating your style.

If you want us to help, elaborate. Who looks cool? As Patsy Stone might say, "find someone you want to look like." How do you want to come off? Successful, purposeful, casually confidant, trendy, classic aesthetic, athletic, preppy, or what?

by Anonymousreply 308/13/2012



by Anonymousreply 408/13/2012

Dear short fat middle-aged gay man who doesn't now know to dress himself,

My coworker Allissa slurps coffee and snaps gum. Would it be ok for me to jerk off into her hand lotion bottle?

-Irritated and Agitated in Des Moines

by Anonymousreply 508/13/2012

You can never have enough hats, gloves and shoes.

Be careful of wigs.

by Anonymousreply 608/13/2012

Statistically "Middle Aged" is 36 years old.

by Anonymousreply 708/13/2012

Head on over to Aeropostale, I think they have just what you are looking for.

by Anonymousreply 808/13/2012

OP bump.

I'm down 15 lbs, still don't know what to wear since the caftans and earrings are too loose.

by Anonymousreply 909/06/2012

You need to start dressing in Abercrombie and Hollister ASAP, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1009/06/2012

What color is your hair OP?

I'm going to suggest you abandon style and aim for a getup instead. You should take to tartan and kilts.

by Anonymousreply 1109/06/2012

The weight loss will help the most. Nobody likes to see fat. I applaud you for trying to better yourself.

by Anonymousreply 1209/06/2012

OP I've found that the fit is everything with clothes. Even at your weight, if your clothes fit properly you will look better. And get rid of the "short sleeved dress shirts. " Ugh! You might consider some other types of casual pants besides jeans,altho you must never wear cargo pants. Never. And always wear a belt. Make sure your clothes aren't wrinkled. Sometimes with knit polo shirts you think the wrinkles will fall out. They don't.

by Anonymousreply 1309/06/2012

You don't always need to find a personal shopper. Sometimes you will find a sales assistant who will be very helpful if the store isn't real busy. I ask opinions all the time and often they are very helpful.

by Anonymousreply 1409/06/2012

Op, the earlier poster who says you should look for a style icon or a style that suits your personality is right. I recently lost over 50 pounds myself. I haven't been able to buy fashionable clothes for years and I'm kind of at a loss too.

My suggestion is to google "fashion trends fall 2012" and look at some articles and pictures, and blogs that feature your type of style. Also, look at some catalogs or websites that have the type of clothes you like. You want to look at pictures of people wearing entire ensembles, not just a sweater or whatever. I got a lot of ideas from going on clothing websites, like landsend or eddiebauer.

When I lived there, my ex also worked for a "business casual" company, and didn't know how to dress either. He went to Eddie Bauer a lot, and used a lot of earth tones since SF is really a city that doesn't do bright colors. Black, gray, olive, brown, burgundy, rust, etc. If you don't look good in black, grays, browns, greens or blues are warmer and neutral. Tweeds, blues, teals and burgundy are in this year.

Leave some room in your wardrobe for a little dressier look later, but if you're still losing weight, don't spend too much money on clothes yet. Look for ideas, get a plan, don't spend a lot until you get to your target weight.

by Anonymousreply 1509/06/2012

Just go to J Crew. Their stuff is timeless and a good, easy place for the fashion impaired.

by Anonymousreply 1609/06/2012

OP, here's something I learned years ago and it echoes an earlier post - go to an upscale store and get fitted for some clothes.

Men really can improve/change their appearance when clothes are the right color(s), fit and style/cut.

I learned my neck size and sleeve length for shirts. Waist and length for trousers.

I spent some serious money for the suit and such I purchased, but here's the other thing I got to do... try on clothes in a low stress environment. Should I wear fitted shirts? Yes. Could I wear flat front or pleated trousers? Yes.

It's also a tip from TV's What Not to Wear - always try on clothes before buying (Kohl's, The Gap, Banana Republic, etc). Sport shirts, polo shirts, button down shirts - into the dressing room. Same with trousers and jeans - and be sure to look in the mirror - how do they fit?

It's frustrating at first, but then you learn certain brands fit better than others and such.

Good luck, congrats on the weight loss.

by Anonymousreply 1709/06/2012

R16's suggestion of J Crew was perfect; those trim fits were just made for overweight old guys. Try a nice, clingy polo shirt that allows the underside of your belly to be exposed over your trousers.

by Anonymousreply 1809/08/2012

R19 - I can't speak for other posters but I've lost 110 lbs over the past three years and I've lost approximately 10 inches from my waist. I remember bursting at the seams in size 48 waist pants, but can fit into size 38 with ease. Trying to lose these last 50 lbs is a PITA, but I want to get into size 34 if possible.

Good luck to the OP, pretty good suggestions from people so far. However, if you are planning on losing more weight and don't want to blow your budget on clothing, check thrift stores and consignment shops too.

by Anonymousreply 2009/08/2012

So, generally about 10 pounds of weight loss will result in a 1 inch reduction in pant size?

Again, depends on many factors. Just looking for a rule of thumb to set my expections.

by Anonymousreply 2109/08/2012

[quote]short sleeved dress shirt

There is no such thing.

by Anonymousreply 2209/08/2012

Ditch the jeans. Fat people can't wear denim. It's too thick, bunches, and doesn't drape. Replace them with relaxed fit flat-front wrinkle free Chinos. Most retailers have a version of the "hidden comfort waist" which is an elastic band sewn under waistband at the sides. Get those.

Get rid of the polo shirts. They have no form of their own and conform too closely to your shape, emphasizing your fat belly and moobs. Wear long sleeved button front shirts with button down collars for casual work.

Wear shoes with heels, not the flat, rubber soled shoes with leather on top that so many men wear because they're cheap. For office casual, get something with a proper heel like the example at the link.

Buy your clothes for the size you are, not for the size you are going to be or the size you were. Wear your pants below your gut not over the top of it. Your belt should be below your belly not running over the top of it like they did in the old days. (Do a GIS for Fred Mertz to see how ridiculous this looks.)

Do the "Foley Tug" when you put on your shirt, i.e., tuck your shirt tail in, button your pants, then pull the shirt tail about 1/2" up above your pants waist to avoid your shirt being tight and stretched out over your gut.

If you wear tighty whities, make sure you're buying them big enough so that you don't get reverse panty lines from them cutting into your skin when you bend or sit.

Consider the colors that look good on you, and buy those. Don't get caught up in 'dark colors are slimming' and end up with a goth wardrobe. If you look good in a color, wear it.

by Anonymousreply 2309/08/2012

Remember when Zappos used to be cheap? Jeeez.

by Anonymousreply 2409/08/2012

R23 gives lots of great advice. I would also not wear Polo shirts. I've never found one that looks good on me. And do agree that a great leather shoe with a heel looks great on any man.

Only thing I disagree with is about wearing denim. Denim is not usually appropriate for the office but a good fitting pair of jeans with a button down shirt always looks good. The only issue with that, OP, is you think you're "short" make sure the shirt falls slight below your beltline but not below so you don't feel like you're swimming in it. Then you can leave it tucked or untucked.

by Anonymousreply 2509/08/2012

You have to dress for your body type never the latest gay fashion. I don't know what is the thing to wear now but both men and women that chose skinny legged things and low rise anything look ridiculous.

by Anonymousreply 2609/08/2012

Ask a good tailor what kinds of things you can wear that compliment your body

by Anonymousreply 2709/08/2012

R23 gives excellent advice.

by Anonymousreply 2809/08/2012

I'm overweight. Not obese, but I could stand to lose 20 pounds. I wear skinny legged jeans all the time. A stylist at Macy's told me I had decent legs and the skinny legged jeans made me look slimmer. Mine sit just below the waist, they aren't low riders. I hate the way ow rise feels. I have been wearing them for three years and I ike the way I look. I still need to lose about 20 pounds, but I am comdortable with how I look. I weak shirts untucked and a balzer or cardigan when I need to.

by Anonymousreply 2909/08/2012

[quote]and a balzer

Is this some sort of lesbian sex toy?

by Anonymousreply 3009/08/2012

r23 gives good advice but shoe in the picture, oddly, isn't an oxford, its a derby.

by Anonymousreply 3109/08/2012

Well seeing that you are massiviely obise, i would just wear a big blanket and only venture out after dark.

Definately dont where denim it will just make you look like a flea market stall with a tarp over it.

Wait until your down to at least a size 32 beofre exposing your self to us fit folks

Obisty really needs to be stoped too mnay fat folks running around causing a ruckus and raisomng he;lath costs etc

Forget about drugs just say no to fat

by Anonymousreply 3209/08/2012

Ewwww kill it Short, Fat and Middle Age. thats the trifecta of the serious of sins in the gay world.

Good Luck OP I truly feel for you

by Anonymousreply 3309/09/2012

Good God! You American's dress so old for your age. Well, unless you're all 70 plus. Are you?

All the clothes at Lands End look like old man clothes.

Chinos? Who the fuck wears chinos?

You're just not a well dressed country.

by Anonymousreply 3409/09/2012

R32 - if you're going to be a cunt at least spell it all properly.

by Anonymousreply 3509/09/2012

Isn't the gay community's middle age between 24 and 29?

by Anonymousreply 3609/09/2012

I like R23's advice about color. Picking darks to be slimming is not the way to go. Sticking to all neutrals is boring too. I like to find colors of clothes I really like first, then pick the neutrals to work with them. If you like a color but feel that maybe it's too bright or something, buy it in smaller items such as accessories or mixed in a pattern in a shirt or something.

There is so much good advice on the thread. Choose from colors that are trendy for Fall is good if you like them, not just to try and be stylish.

I've lost 50 lbs. over the years and would buy smaller sized clothes in colors that drew me in -- to wear something I liked and that looked good on me. I took the time to choose colors that really suited me.

I noticed that my best colors made my face look brighter and less shadowy if that makes sense. My skin just looked more flattered I guess because I began getting a lot of compliments when I'd wear certain colors. For me these were true red, light blue, burgundy, chocolate brown. I wouldn't have known this unless I spent a lot of time holding clothes up to my face in good lighting lol.

Good luck with the weight loss OP and have fun buying clothes in colors you love that look good on you.

by Anonymousreply 3709/09/2012

I'm going to chime in with some advice that I may have missed in this thread.

OP, you'll improve the look of the clothes you wear by maintaining good posture. It may sound silly, but look at men who stand tall, with their shoulders pulled back, raising the profile of their upper chest, the gut pulled in somewhat.

When you start this, you'll realize that your core muscles (abs, obliques, lower back) are all engaged.

Honestly, start by standing, taking a deep breath (from the diaphram region), pull your shoulders back a bit and hold. Breathe normally, but maintain the posture.

by Anonymousreply 3809/15/2012

It's been several months and I've lost about 103 lbs.

I'm dressing a bit better, no more short sleeve shirts and I've actually gotten compliments on my outfits, but only from straight people, so I don't put much stock in those compliments.

by Anonymousreply 3903/22/2013

"My coworker Allissa slurps coffee and snaps gum. Would it be ok for me to jerk off into her hand lotion bottle?

-Irritated and Agitated in Des Moines"

More than likely she will use this lotion on her arms, fingers and knees. It's actually ok to masturbate into her lotion bottle as long as you warn her about the sudden onset of jazz hands and spontraneous leg spreading and lifts.

by Anonymousreply 4003/22/2013
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