Are there any gay dating sites that are more relationship-based?
Maybe I've been watching too many gay romance movies on NetFlix (just rewatched Latter Days) but I'm ready to fall in love.
I'm not hot, but I have some good, substantive things going for me that you won't know about from a gay bar or a nude photo. I'm looking for those same substantive things from someone else.
Where do I find him?
I haven't dated in years and truth be told, haven't hooked up in a couple of years. It just got easier to enjoy my own company and not worry about diseases and all that stuff.
I'm in my 40s, upper-middle class, respected in my industry, sane to the point of boring, and have the money to travel and enjoy life. I'm smart, funny, and have have a rich social life dining and traveling with friends far and wide. But I'm very used to being the 3rd wheel or 5th wheel at a dinner party.
My guy doesn't have to be gorgeous. But I hope he's at least cute. It's fine with me if he's 25 lbs overweight because I certainly am. But I'm also muscular and not a total tub of goo. I would love it if he could play a guitar and sing me songs; that stuff makes me melt.
He needs to be comfortable outside the gay ghetto, because I don't hang out there much. Which of course, makes it that much harder to find each other.
Where to start? I'm ready to try, which is something I haven't been able to say in a long time.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||04/02/2013|
I'll marry you, OP. I don't play guitar, but I have an iPod.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||07/14/2012|
[quote]I'm not hot, but I have some good, substantive things going for me that you won't know about from a gay bar or a nude photo.
Nor, apparently, from reading your post.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||07/14/2012|
OP they don't really exist, even if there was a site that was set up for relationship oriented men it would quickly turn into a hook up site.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||07/14/2012|
That's what Plenty of Fish has become, R5.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||07/14/2012|
OKCupid isn't bad. OP: how's your dental hygiene? You sound like a catch honestly, but too many older men have bad braeath.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||07/14/2012|
You say you want to find a meaningful, fulfilling relationship? Ok, do you have bad breath? WTF?, [R7].
|by Anonymous||reply 8||07/14/2012|
Marry me I need sugar daddy
|by Anonymous||reply 9||07/14/2012|
Men in their 40s aren't "older men with bad breath," asshole at R7.
That said, OP, I'd suggest both OKCupid and Match.com to find quality guys looking for a relationship. I've met several boyfriends, including my current one, on one or the other. Avoid Manhunt, Grindr and Gaydar, obviously.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||07/14/2012|
Stay away from Match.com. It's full of bots that will send you emails, etc., just to get you to buy the service.
|by Anonymous||reply 12||07/14/2012|
You may lack self-confidence, OP. You certainly do not sound like a loser, not at all. Try to find a gay bar that caters to older men. Then turn on the charm.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||07/14/2012|
R7, my dental hygiene is pretty spiffy... no cavities in several years.
I hate old man breath too.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||07/14/2012|
You sound sweet OP. I feel the same way. I stopped all dating three years ago. I never go to bars. I don't play guitar but I play the piano and I'd sing to you. And I have excellent dental hygiene.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||07/14/2012|
My partner and I met on Yahoo eons ago. I am not sure that it even exists.
Seriously, try a gay friendly church.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||07/14/2012|
I just joined OKCupid. We'll give it a go.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||07/14/2012|
Gay church? I don't believe in god
|by Anonymous||reply 19||07/14/2012|
I'll marry you OP. Will a ukulele do?
|by Anonymous||reply 21||07/15/2012|
You sound charming, op. You should have no trouble attracting a mate. Good luck to you and keep us posted.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||07/15/2012|
OP. Try truckstops, gloryholes, and the Catholic Church. Or even better, the Republican National Convention, is coming around the corner.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||07/15/2012|
You don't have a relationship because something is wrong with YOU.
This has to be addressed. You're over 40 you should have at least two long term (over 5 years) by now. You want to have everything handed to you and don't want to work for you.
You say you have nothing to offer but money so why would you expect a relationship instead of just someone to use you?
You say you want a relationship because of what you see on movies? That's not realistic.
In short if you go fishing, don't gripe when you don't catch a chicken.
As Miss Jane of the Beverly Hillbillies said, "There's other fish in the sea, of course there's better bait too."
|by Anonymous||reply 25||07/15/2012|
OP are you near DC? Are you into younger guys?
|by Anonymous||reply 26||07/15/2012|
[quote]I've met several boyfriends, including my current one, on one or the other
If I were these sites, I wouldn't want you as their story of success spokesperson.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||07/15/2012|
R26, I'm not in DC, but Delta is ready...
|by Anonymous||reply 28||07/15/2012|
Manvox has a great personals section.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||07/15/2012|
When people are 41 they usually say 41, 'in my 40's' is typically used by those who are 49.
If you are 49 say so in whatever dating profile you put together.
There used to be a matchmaking service for folks like you in NY. ...and google tells me it is still there. www.manmate.com
|by Anonymous||reply 30||07/15/2012|
R25, it took me a long time to come out. I briefly relapsed into dating women in my 30s, tried to convince myself I was bi, all that. I'm now fully out at work and to my friends... took me longer to evolve.
So yes, I was probably too closeted and uptight before.
I have a lot more to offer than money. I'm smart, I'm funny, and I have interesting friends. I said upper-middle class; mind you, I'm not Anderson Cooper.
My flaws are: I need to lose weight, I'm a little timid sexually until I really trust you, and I leave old bills and papers on my desk until they pile up.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||07/15/2012|
OP, do you need to lose weight, a little weight, or a lot of weight. H/W? You actually sound pretty interesting.
|by Anonymous||reply 32||07/15/2012|
Now that we know you weigh too much fess up about the real age.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||07/15/2012|
40s and needs to lose weight - what activity are you taking up that supports this weight loss, assuming you can lose weight at this age?
You obviously work in a position that supports your current weight. Unless you change what you do for nine to ten hours every single day, you won't be able to maintain any temporary diet or fitness reduction plan.
Perhaps you should stop pretending you're a methy 20something with 15% body fat.
Perhaps you should stop looking for methy dating material and aim for someone who has the same work and life habits.
Do you have a furry ass?
|by Anonymous||reply 34||07/15/2012|
Craigslist, believe it or not, but not the M4M section, Try "Misc Romance", it has LTR postings.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||07/15/2012|
I'm sorry to say this OP, but the more you reveal about yourself, the more obvious it is that you are not the catch you think you are. You need to work on yourself before you think about getting into something serious.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||07/15/2012|
Stay away from CL even relationship ads...it attracts flaky people.
|by Anonymous||reply 37||07/15/2012|
Delta? Eewwww. And sounds 49 indeed.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||07/15/2012|
[quote]You're over 40 you should have at least two long term (over 5 years) by now.
That's a complete crock, not to mention a broad generalization. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet even one guy, let alone two, who is LTR material by the time they turn 40. That's especially true today, in an era when most gay guys in their twenties (and thirties) are into casually hooking up but either not looking for a relationship and/or don't know how to properly develop and maintain one.
OP, I know plenty of men who didn't find their first true partners until at least their forties, and a few who didn't until their fifties. You sound like you have a lot to offer, and please keep in mind that there are plenty of guys out there who don't really give a shit if you have a slight potbelly or something. By 40 you should have higher priorities in life than spending 2-3 hours a day at the gym, regardless.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||07/15/2012|
I'm 48 and I said so.
Sure I have a belly, but I also have massive shoulders and nice pecs. I'd do me, so there.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||07/15/2012|
Hope you don't get any of the fat-phobic people here answering your ads. They don't deserve you.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||07/15/2012|
Am in the exact situation as you are, OP. Except that I am 50. Would you like to move to the Bay Area?
Based on a suggestion here, I tried silverdaddies.com last week, but no luck yet.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||07/15/2012|
[quote]My flaws are: I need to lose weight
End of thread!
|by Anonymous||reply 46||07/15/2012|
I just went and had coffee with a guy. He was okay. We might get together again.
Probably not someone I'm interested in long-term romantically, but hey, I got out there.
And it was because of you in this thread and OK Cupid. So, thanks and stuff.
I'll repeat, perhaps with better results, in the weeks and months to come.
|by Anonymous||reply 47||07/15/2012|
Thanks for reporting back! Think I'll give OK Cupid a try.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||07/15/2012|
I'm madly in love with R39. I love it when grownups post comments.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||07/16/2012|
OP had me until "I'm in my 40s".
|by Anonymous||reply 50||07/16/2012|
[quote]If you are 49
The worst thing about being 49 is everyone thinks you're 50 and lying.
|by Anonymous||reply 51||07/16/2012|
I was just observing silverdaddies for the hell of it, and they have many age groups on that site in which age to many people doesn't matter. However, Holy Toledo!there are many freaks on that dating site!
Check out this guy on silverdaddies who claims to be into darkness and he transforms into a wild beast with fangs!! I'm not kidding!! You have got to read what this guys says about himself, WOW! Creepy!
|by Anonymous||reply 52||07/30/2012|
[quote]'in my 40's' is typically used by those who are 49.
Or in their 50's.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||04/02/2013|