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Who Here Is A Loner With No Friends?

How is your life? Don't you get ever get lonely?

Share your daily life here, cause people are interested.

by Anonymousreply 13405/25/2015

Yesterday, like all holidays, was tough. Everyone always seems to have such fun plans with friends and family. I didn't leave my apartment.

by Anonymousreply 107/05/2012

I'm pretty much a loner these days. The older I get, the less I need to be around people. I've also moved 3 times to different parts of the country and that has made it difficult to maintain friendships when the people I care about the most are thousands of miles away.

I've been having some health issues for the past year, and its really making me aware of just how alone I am.

by Anonymousreply 207/05/2012

I have some good friends, but I can probably count them on two hands. And when you consider a lot of them have spouses and families, or don't live close by, it can get lonely sometimes.

On the other hand, I find when I have a lot of social activities planned over a short period, I crave time to just be by myself at home. So for me it's all about striking the right balance between friends and self.

by Anonymousreply 307/05/2012

Am I crazy or are there a lot more of these threads lately?

by Anonymousreply 407/05/2012

I'm an introvert and a bit of a loner. Always have been. I have a partner who is very similar, so we get each other. We have friends and do go out to socialize and so on. But we balance it with lots of time at home, alone (with each other)

Our favourite kind of evening is when we stay home with some takeout, a bottle of wine, and a movie.

by Anonymousreply 507/05/2012

C'mon, OP. If people were interested, the loners would have friends.

by Anonymousreply 607/05/2012

NEVER lonely.

by Anonymousreply 807/05/2012

Same here. Thought I was the only one. No family and work. But I am happy this way.

by Anonymousreply 1007/05/2012

I have no family. I have a few friends, but they don't live in Los Angeles, where I am. I work at home, so there's no work community in my life. Mostly I do things by myself, which for the most part is okay. There are times I get terribly lonely -- like on JUly 4th -- but the fact is, modern life is pretty well set up for loners. There's tv, netflix, the Internet and above all, DataLounge. I tend to think of Datalounge as my social life.

Go ahead and flame away. But without you all, I wouldn't have much interaction with other people.

by Anonymousreply 1107/05/2012

I'm never lonely, either, though I don't have close friends near me.

I've always been a loner and have always had a few really close friends, rather than a crowd of superficial friends.

The exception was when I lived in NY and was a member of a 12-step group. I had hundreds of friendly acquaintances I saw all the time, and dozens of people I actually considered friends.

It was exhausting, and while I sincerely liked all those people, I'm glad to be back to a more comfortable life.

Which means my closest friend lives 100 miles from me, another close friend is 50 miles away, and I have two or three people who consider themselves my friends who live near me, but they don't really know me, and I don't have a lot of interest in letting them get to know me.

Holidays are great, however. I always have a couple of books I'm reading and several DVDs to watch, and I usually make a lot of food, which I then separate out into freezer containers that will feed me for a week.

When I want a change of scenery, I will go visit one of my out of town friends and we'll see a movie and have dinner at someplace knew to me, but most of the time, I like being on my own.

And of course there's also facebook, which is so weird because there are people on fb who have friended me after seeing something I wrote on a mutual friend's wall, and now they try to act like we're personal friends. I try to be polite, for the sake of our mutual friends, but I really have no interest in them at all.

by Anonymousreply 1207/05/2012

I have a hard time making friends, I was bullied relentlessly the whole of my childhood so I have hard time socialising, I cut myself off because my whole childhood and teenage years I spent alone.

I spent my childhood saying "I just want to be left alone" now it seems it has haunted me.

I would like friends, but I won't know how to deal with people I assume no one wants to be my friend so I stay away.

by Anonymousreply 1307/05/2012

I LOVE being alone. People are exhausting.

by Anonymousreply 1407/05/2012

My friends are my earrings and my caftans. They amuse me and keep me company.

by Anonymousreply 1507/05/2012

r15 - For a minute I had a hilarious vision of you drunkenly proclaiming your love for your real live friends, in a "You are the wind beneath my wings" kind of way.

"You are my earrings! You are my caftans! You amuse me and keep my company!"

Well it was hilarious to me. Shut up.

by Anonymousreply 1607/05/2012

That's no joke, r16. That's what my life is really like!

To paraphrase Maria Callas: "Only my earrings and my caftans will not betray me."

by Anonymousreply 1707/05/2012

Definitely a loner, who has to deal with coworkers rambling on and on on the trips ! adventures ! outings ! they went on.

My choice though. I made my bed and I'm lying in it, alone - and sometimes I prefer that.

by Anonymousreply 1807/05/2012

I'm not a loner! I have seventeen cats and a bucketful of resentment keeping me company!

by Anonymousreply 1907/05/2012

People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.

by Anonymousreply 2007/05/2012

I'm with r13 and r14. I'm so burned out on friends and boyfriends who have tried to use me and take advantage or just be plain assholes toward me. Plus, when I quit drinking, I lost the ability to be tolerant of difficult people. Seriously. So I have a small circle of friends now, either teetotalers or hardcore AA people that I socialize with. And even the latter I find difficult to deal with at times; I find that there are just as many cliques in AA as there are out in the bars and clubs; it was disappointing to discover, but that is life. So I have a lot of "me" time. I went out just long enough to get some food shopping done and returned to my condo. I was going to go and watch the fireworks outside, but didn't feel like dealing with the crowds. It works better for me that way.

by Anonymousreply 2107/05/2012

I'm famous for being very out-going and friendly and keeping to myself. I have a couple very good friends and that is it, no need for endless socializing, though I like it a lot when I do decided to go out.

by Anonymousreply 2207/05/2012

R1 that's what I wanted to do.

Instead I got sucked into a 90+ degree heat party with (mostly Republican) people I don't know including one who made a stupid, completely inappropriate "joke" about Health Care Reform within 10 minutes of my arrival. She shut up after I stared her down; I was kinda hoping she'd go on, but it would have been a bad scene if she did.

Then I drank too much and felt polluted and fat.

Count your blessings.

by Anonymousreply 2307/05/2012

[R13] I could have written your post. You are not alone.

by Anonymousreply 2407/05/2012

for R13 and R24...

you are not alone I am here with you Though we're far apart You're always in my heart But you are not alone

by Anonymousreply 2507/05/2012

I was a loner till I got super buff + steroids and hit the bars. Then I met a lot of interested people, some for sex and others brothers in-muscle-arms.

Once I quit the hardcore bodybuilding, they all fell by the way side. I didn't expect any different - live by the sword, die by the sword - but I WAS surprised by the the fact it seemed that the most "nicest, sincere" of the bunch ended up making catty comments about my new appearance, whereas others just tactfully ignored me when they saw me coming their way.

by Anonymousreply 2607/05/2012

Earrings and caftans

They are all I need to please me

They can stimulate and tease me

They won't leave in the night

I've no fear that they might desert me

I don't need love

For what good will love do me?

Caftans never lie to me...

by Anonymousreply 2707/05/2012

exactly like OP, I felt a bit sad yesterday, the 4th, and occasionally on Sunday evenings for some reason. . .I once had a circle of friends but that's gone (i'm 50-something) and don't like the bars and gay scene anymore. I hook up on the internet and see a couple friends now and again but that's it. I prefer not having any commitments.

by Anonymousreply 2807/05/2012

How do you deal with coworkers who leave you out of things and discuss their parties and happy hours in front of you?

by Anonymousreply 2907/05/2012

I'm a loner and although I'm friendly with my coworkers and they're friendly with me, no one here really hangs out after work as far as I can tell. Most people here are spread out geographically and have spouses and/or babies they'd rather spend time with. I know of a few close friendships but those are mostly among the older (50+) ladies. I'm a 40something gay man and none of the other gay guys my age here hang out or even particularly pay attention to each other.

It's nice and low maintenance. Easy peasy lemon squeezy is best.

by Anonymousreply 3007/05/2012

I have many, many friends. But none that will spend any time with me. Go figure!

by Anonymousreply 3107/05/2012

My Judy Garland and Ann Miller collections have been my dearest friends for 20 years -- I like it that way!

by Anonymousreply 3207/05/2012

R29, I have a boss who at Christmastime used to walk into a company meeting she didn't need to attend and interrupt the order of business to hand out gifts to three or four of the 12 or 13 people in the room.

She's done it several times, and although I was always one of the recipients, it was extremely awkward, not to mention destructive to company morale.

by Anonymousreply 3307/05/2012

I don't have many friends. But, I'm fine about it. I have a lot I need to get done!

by Anonymousreply 3407/05/2012

I'm 3,000 miles away from family and old close friends.

I have a handful of friends in the city where I live but I'm only close to 2 of them. One is doing a PhD and the other is married and has a kid. Actually most of my close friends are partnered up and have kids now. So for the holidays, I usually end up alone. It's not really about having friends or lack of, it's about having a partner/spouse...someone there for me.

by Anonymousreply 3507/05/2012

OK, I give up- who is Cheryl??? Is she the singer/reality show judge from the England?

by Anonymousreply 3607/05/2012

Never mind- I found the "Who the Hell is Cheryl" thread, good times.

by Anonymousreply 3707/05/2012

You want me, R37! I can tell!

by Anonymousreply 3807/05/2012

To all the people who live far away from their closest friends and family, could you let us know why you decided to move away from them in the first place? Would you move closer to them if you could or did you deliberately want to be alone and far away from them?

by Anonymousreply 3907/05/2012

She's an office manager, R36. Every office has a Cheryl...and Cathy or Kathy.

by Anonymousreply 4007/05/2012

I make a point of not socializing with people at work. I work at a military base, and the officers I support are very cliquish; I went to a holiday party with them my first year there. That was enough. Between the dull stories about OCS and everyone of them falling over themselves to kiss the commanding officer's ass, I couldn't stand it. Plus I had to do it without drinking? I tried, but I am not a social person, I never was I guess.

by Anonymousreply 4107/05/2012

I was bullied too, I find it hard to make friends because I don't think I allow myself to believe anyone would like me and I'm terrified if I try they'll laugh at me and I'll end up being humiliated and made feel like a 7 year old standing in a high school yard.

by Anonymousreply 4207/05/2012

I'm the youngest of seven and we're all very close. Holidays are family times usually spent at our lake house. I've never felt the need for a lot of friends. My work is very collaborative, so I interact with interesting people every day. More often than not, I regret making plans to hang with coworkers or acquaintances. I have a pug to keep me company and I savor my solitude.

by Anonymousreply 4307/05/2012

loner? check! no friends? check!

i am one of the most alone people in the world. i assume i have to be. i have no siblings and no cousins, my parents are long gone. i have no friends, not one. i live in a lonely suburban wasteland. i don't work (my expenses are comically low, and my pension is plenty sufficient).

i get no christmas cards, no calls or emails on my birthday, and no calls out of the blue to see how i'm doing and catch-up. at 53, i've successfully created my own cocoon, crawled inside, and sealed it up. i think i was damaged too much as a kid and young man for the outcome to be any different.

the closest i come to human contact is the occasional online hookup. sometimes i dupe myself into thinking that these might become genuine friendships (a few have kind of pushed in that direction), but they've never really panned out.

oddly, i don't think i'm depressed (i don't drink, i keep regular hours, exercise, have a reasonable diet, don't feel suicidal, etc.), but maybe i am depressed nonetheless and don't realize it.

i don't really know how i fill my time. i don't watch much tv, but i don't really read a huge amount (probably a book a month or so). i just putter around the house and in the backyard.

so i am definitely a loner. i think i am ok with this and not working to change.

by Anonymousreply 4407/05/2012

I only have contact with my immediate family, I don't have any friends or a partner. I've never had a bf. I spend most of my time on the internet, watching TV and reading. Food is also a comfort. Sometimes I don't care that I'm this way and sometimes it hurts a lot that I can't connect.

by Anonymousreply 4507/05/2012

Wondering how much time people spend alone vs. with others. How many nights a week do you spend socializing?

I just moved in with my boyfriend. I miss solitude so much. I love him. I don't like having to account for my time. I want to not know what I'm doing over the weekend sometimes. If I hang out 4 times a week, that's a busy week for me.

by Anonymousreply 4607/05/2012

I had a ton of friends in college. Maybe it was because I usually drunk, but it was very easy to meet people and connect. Each day I met someone new, in class or at a party, and rarely ever dealt with rude people. In fact, rude people didn't really have very many friends at my college so running into them at parties did not happen.

Now it is hard for me to meet new people. Most people I meet are giant assholes and they are the ones throwing the parties. Even the nice people I meet end up sucking. It seems a lot of people seem to want to make friends but don't want to branch out of their current circle, but more often people just seem like miserable assholes that want you to turn into a miserable asshole.

by Anonymousreply 4707/05/2012

I've always preferred the company of animals to that of people. The older I get, the more impatient with, & intolerant of, people I become. Just the opposite with animals, & I've come to appreciate birds more too. They make me happy -- why fight it?

by Anonymousreply 4807/05/2012

I'm with you, R44. Except that I do have family, but they come with so much drama that I try not to spend any time with them if I can possibly help it.

The only bad thing is, I have to work. I'm not working right now, but having a job entails trying to get along with other people whom I inevitably will think are as dumb as a box of hair. It will be excruciating when I finally do find a job.

I wish I never had to leave the house. Seriously.

But you know what Sartre says: Hell is other people.

by Anonymousreply 4907/05/2012

Same here, R45. I'm female and 56 yrs old.

by Anonymousreply 5007/05/2012

Always been a loner. Have had several lovers and good friends...but they disappeared, moved or died. I don't have a lot of patiience with people anymore-not that I am angry- I just hybernate a lot so that I don't have to be in a world of unaware ignorant people, cell phones, pods, pads and other gadgets that I find annoying. I have a unique sense of humor that not a lot of people get-I find the irony in situations that others don't..... just me, my dog, my puter, an occasional social outing- and I am content- very calm and serene. Being alone is bliss.

by Anonymousreply 5107/05/2012

Maybe Dr. Joy Browne could help.

by Anonymousreply 5207/05/2012

hi. i dont like to hang out or to talk.i pretty much stay quite and be alone. i do not get out the house often. i have friends but i dont talk to them much and family reunion coming and im not going since the reunion is not me at all

by Anonymousreply 5307/05/2012

I have always been a loner. Most of my family are alcoholics so I don't get on with them. I'm very close to one sibling, so we hang out. My little niece (6 yr old) and I get on well and I like spending time with her. Apart from that, there's one close friend and that's it, really. I spend my free time on the internet, reading, going to the movies, getting massages, shopping, or having coffee by myself. I don't mind, I'm used to it. I'm 43 years old, BTW. I've pretty much accepted that I will die alone. That thought doesn't disturb me as much as it should.

by Anonymousreply 5407/05/2012

I'm with you R48.

Used to have a very busy social life in Manhattan, then Florida.

Back in NY, but upstate, and partnered with a loner. He really has no friends. My old friends live a couple of hours away and sometimes we go see them, but usually it's just me & him. He does his thing and I do mine. We even have separate rooms, which I realize people may find odd but I love it and sleep much better alone.

We can spend the whole day with barely a word spoke and that's fine with both of us.

by Anonymousreply 5507/05/2012

[quote] I just hybernate a lot so that I don't have to be in a world of unaware ignorant people..

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 5607/05/2012

I preferred to stay in my room growing up plotting my future. Good planning because I met all my career goals by 28.

I used to be more sociable, dinners, concerts, theatre, etc. But now I prefer to be alone. I just want quiet. I think that's why I ended my relationship with my partner a few years ago. She was gorgeous, but exhausting and needed lots of attention.

I have to deal with my clients (my own company) all week so I cherish my alone time.

I spent the 4th sitting in my backyard in the H'Hills watching the fireworks at the beach. It was heavenly.

by Anonymousreply 5707/05/2012

I feel bad for the people who are alone and don't want to be, particularly the ones who have been bullied. I'm also a bit worried that it might happen to me someday. Some of you make it appear like it's a natural part of growing older. I like to have alone time and I don't mind doing things alone. But I can't imagine experiencing that everyday. I would need someone to talk to, someone to bond with. How old are you,R45? Were some of you disowned by your parents/families?

by Anonymousreply 5807/05/2012

Outside of work, I'm generally a loner. I have one living family member who I adore and see regularly. My partner lives a few hundred miles away, so we see each other every few weeks and have a great time. I have two people who I occasionally see (every few months). So outside of work and my mother I go days and weeks without any human contact, and that's fine- generally. I realised a while ago that the desire to have time alone is far greater that the desire to socialise.

by Anonymousreply 5907/05/2012

Have any of you considered moving to Las Cruces, New Mexico?

There are many opportunities to help out their burgeoning senior population (you'll feel needed and appreciated) and it's economical enough for someone to live alone.

There is a growing gay community who likes the outdoors (so they know what being alone means as well) and is single-business owner friendly.

Did it ever occur to you guys that living in a big city is just not appropriate for many people?

by Anonymousreply 6007/05/2012

Did it ever occur to you guys that living in a big city is just not appropriate for many people?

Yes, many times, but that is where the jobs are for many people. Most people I have met are dying to move to a smaller town but here in the big city is where they have a job, and more are available if they lose their job.

by Anonymousreply 6107/05/2012

I know people who came from small towns and hated the cliquey, gossipy atmosphere. The grass is always greener.

by Anonymousreply 6207/05/2012

NYC is a great place to be if you're a loner. There's always a distraction or a deli open if you've got the munchies. I did see a cute guy with a job on my walk home from the subway tonight, so there's always hope. Just when you think there is none!

by Anonymousreply 6307/05/2012

Small towns (and small and mid-sized "cities")are the WORST for loners/thinkers/gay people! Cosmopolitan intelligent cities are the best!

by Anonymousreply 6407/05/2012

I'm from a small farm town upstate NY near Canada, the winters were long and I used to live for The Village Voice, The NYTimes, and Rolling Stone mags, and my mother's Vogues. I ended up here alone, not successful in the music biz like I'd hoped, but at least I'm here and not there and I did get to live out some of my music dreams!

by Anonymousreply 6507/05/2012

R58, it is easy to fall into aloneness when one retires.

While working a job, one is thrown into a mix of people and interaction every day at work, but without a job, it is a common occurance to be alone in retirement because one has to make a constant, continual, concerted effort to counteract the aloneness and seek out people.

It is difficult as one ages.

by Anonymousreply 6607/05/2012

What R64 said -- San Jose was the worst after an LA life.

by Anonymousreply 6707/05/2012

R48....I'll be your friend in the valley..52

by Anonymousreply 6807/05/2012

R13 while I don't feel quite as negative about growing up, I sure do relate strongly to your post. Wish all the R13 could get together. But not for a loner's convention but to learn to trust more.

by Anonymousreply 6907/05/2012


by Anonymousreply 7007/05/2012

R35 here, I consider myself a loner and an introvert--I'm the type who goes on a weekend outing with friends and by Sunday, I can't wait to get away from them. I just get sensory overload if I'm around people too much. Having said that, judging from some of the posts here, I'm not on the extreme spectrum. I participate in a weekly pub quiz with so I do get some socialization on a regular basis. And I don't have a lot of friends but do go out for meals and stuff here and there on average a couple times a month. But at the end of the day, the friends have their own lives, careers, partners and children to think about. And I'm on the outside looking in. I wish there was someone there for me. Then again, I think back to the failed romances...maybe this ain't so bad after all.

I've been unemployed the last 6 months and it's shocking how easy it's been to become a hermit--other than the pub quiz nights and a meal here and there with friends. I want to go back to work just so I'll be forced to interact with society again. This can't be healthy...

by Anonymousreply 7107/05/2012

Cats are friends too, OP.

by Anonymousreply 7207/05/2012

I think it does get more difficult for people who aren't that outgoing to begin with to find friends after the college and early post-college years, particularly if you are single and don't have kids to raise (my married friends say they meet their friends often through their kids) or don't feel all that comfortable in the bar/club scene. Friends from work are okay for some people--for others, it becomes just an extension of bitching about the workplace or feels unsafe (never know when someone will develop a grudge and repeat something you said). My partner and I don't socialize much with other people and most of the people I feel closest to live scattered across the country. My partner is twenty years older than I (I'm 55), so this does start to weigh on my mind. I suppose if anything were to happen to him, I'd sit out the 5 years I have left before I can realistically retire and then move back to the big city where I grew up and where I still have friends and familiarity (I know live in a small college town).

And I have two cats, just to make the stereotype complete.

by Anonymousreply 7307/06/2012

I just have one friend that I occasionally talk to on the phone (lives in another city). Family members were/are abusive and they live in other cities. I try to avoid them, but they intrude on my life at times because I am the nice one and they seek to use and abuse me and expect me to be the sane and responsible one.

I think as a kid, and as an adult I have always felt separate from other people because of my childhood experiences and because I am aware - self-aware, aware of what people are like, society, etc.

I lived in four different cities (one kind of a town). The two that were more cosmopolitan, sophisticated and culture-filled were the best. As mentioned upthread, there is always something you can do in them, and always a bit of hope. Not in the smaller or more boring cities - you're more alientated there - and that is what makes a person lonely.

I don't really want any unsastifying relationships - superficial ones, or hanging out with work people with whom I have nothing in common. I have done that - and that is ultimately depressing. Tons of alcohol is needed in these interactions because I am basically bored/alienated. I feel I have wasted enough time doing that. What human interaction I do long for is a deep, genuine one. I'd be nice to move to one of the great cities again and get that with someone.

by Anonymousreply 7407/06/2012

r4: yes and yes.

by Anonymousreply 7507/06/2012

Maybe most people, who like being alone are just highly sensitive. A HSP is quickly overwhelmed and usually needs and wants to be alone. They have rich inner lifes and don't need many people in it, to be happy.

by Anonymousreply 7607/06/2012

People seem to go out of their way to avoid me.

by Anonymousreply 7807/06/2012

I take advantage of the holidays to clean my apartment. Can't waste time worrying about why everyone else go to Thanksgiving dinners or Christmas parties.

by Anonymousreply 7907/06/2012

I definitely think Facebook etc has increased loneliness. You used to be forced to leave your house for some human contact, now it seems people are more likely to be checking in on their pal from second grade than making an effort to meet new people.

It was also much easier to meet and talk to people before smartphones became ubiquitous and it was not socially acceptable to have someone have their head down checking and responding to messages during a conversation. And no, I don't mean this only happens to me, people are doing this all day long to everyone. It seems people barely make conversation these days face to face. It seems so rude to see people at parties checking in on everyone except who is there.

by Anonymousreply 8007/06/2012

The older I got, I realized most people are just pains in the asses. Myself included. I have a few friends I can count on one hand. But they are people I genuinely like. That's enough for me.

by Anonymousreply 8107/06/2012

totally agree with the attention to phones and not other people's faces, in fact, called a co-worker on it the other day saying she doesn't make eye contact when I'm conversing with her, instead looks at computer. She responded "But I'm working!" and I said "Well, take a break!"

by Anonymousreply 8207/06/2012

Love that R82 is pissed that his co-worker does her job instead of idly chatting away with him. "Take a break" indeed. I'm sure R82 is on break all day.

by Anonymousreply 8307/06/2012

Don't tell the boss, but r82 is posting from work.

by Anonymousreply 8407/06/2012

I only realize I'm alone when I read threads like this. I think of being by myself as the norm. I've never been comfortable in groups and when I have tried, I've received negative comments. Some of us were meant to be alone. I'm only lonely when I want to be lonely. It's just another feeling to used and enjoyed by the living.

by Anonymousreply 8507/06/2012

What kind of negative comments, R85?

by Anonymousreply 8607/06/2012

[quote] Some of us were meant to be alone

I know this is true for me. Although I get a little depressed about not having anyone in my life like "normal" people do, the thought of trying to meet people and get out there is too overwhelming since it has never worked out for me. People sense when you're nervous, scared and uncomfortable and then they don't want to be around you. I'd rather just keep to myself.

by Anonymousreply 8707/06/2012

I believe the only people who pay $18 to post here are people with no friends.

by Anonymousreply 8807/06/2012

I smoke cigarettes.

by Anonymousreply 8907/06/2012

Do you have social anxiety, R87? I talk to and would be friends with all types of people, I don't judge people based on superficial things. All that matters is that you're a good person. I was always taught that the person you judge or dismiss could have ended up being your biggest ally or closest friend. I've had idiots ask me why I'm friends with certain people, but they weren't important enough to matter. I just wanted to say this to let some of you know that everyone isn't going judge you, laugh at you or treat you badly.

by Anonymousreply 9007/06/2012

I'm loner with no friends. My correspondence only attracts people in the adult entertainment profession and they simply have something to sell me.

by Anonymousreply 9107/06/2012

I'm mostly a loner. Parents are gone, rest of family is across the country. Uprooted my self 10 years ago for a better job and have had a hard time making new friends in my new city.

I think I'm mostly happy, or used to it. Although I've become too independent, so it's hard for me to think of myself as part of a couple. The upside is that I have gotten bit by the travel bug and now I live to jump on a plane and go someplace in the world I've never been. I do this alone and love it, but always go out at night when I travel to bars to meet people. (And maybe fuck them)

Although in my bad moments I feel like I'm trapped in a Bonnie Tyler video

by Anonymousreply 9207/06/2012

So many sane people on this thread. The fucked up world is based on normality.

by Anonymousreply 9307/06/2012

I've been a loner ever since my oldest friend told me to get lost because he thought I was too needy. Found out that he died two years ago from lung cancer so there will be no closure for these strange past events. We were only friends, not a couple, but still 40+ years was long time. I guess he learned his lesson. He didn't have die that way in Iowa of all places.

by Anonymousreply 9407/06/2012

R90, yes I'm pretty certain that I have social anxiety - I avoid social situations at all costs because of bad past experiences throughout my life.

You sound like an exceptional person, I wish there were more people out there who were as kind as you sound.

by Anonymousreply 9507/06/2012

Who on DL [italic]isn't[/italic] a loner with no friends.

by Anonymousreply 9607/06/2012

I'm never alone, because I have Mr. Dick. I talk to him and tell him all my problems. Sometimes I strangle him, but in a fun kind of way. He never dies, though; he comes back for more quite soon after. I love Mr. Dick. He is my friend.

by Anonymousreply 9707/06/2012

I'm around dozens of people at work 40 hours a week. Why woulod I want to socialize with them adfter work? I like being home alone. I have a couople of friends who I go out with a couple of times a month. That's enough for me.

by Anonymousreply 9807/06/2012

R98, if you have a couple of friends with whom you go out a couple times per month, then you have no idea what it is like to be a loner with no friends.

The topic of this thread is 'who is a loner with no friends'. Anyone who has a couple of friends with whom they socialize several times per month does cannot call themselves 'a loner with no friends'.

Why did you feel compelled to post? Just because you live alone and do not socialize with co-workers?

by Anonymousreply 9907/07/2012

R98, has the loneliness got you talking to yourself again?

by Anonymousreply 10007/07/2012

Try A lot of people in similar situations. The groups are large and varied for the most part.

by Anonymousreply 10107/07/2012

Humans are social creatures. People who don't have friends are maladjusted psychologically. You need to get help and fast.

by Anonymousreply 10207/15/2012

R92 marry me

by Anonymousreply 10307/15/2012

I am that loner, the loner with absolutely no friends. The last time I had any friends was in elementary school. It was an easier time having friends back then, a time where people who consider you as a friend if you play with them at recess. Now here I am, as lonely as ever. Not only I have no friends, but I don't really have a life either, no interesting hobbies or interests. All I do is just sit in front of a laptop screen all day while everyone else is having fun.

by Anonymousreply 10409/29/2013

Lesbian loner here. I have no friends. I've never been a social butterfly, but up until just after college ended, I always had a few close friends.

by Anonymousreply 10509/30/2013

Growing up as a queer farm boy with an older brother and younger sister I was always apart from everyone. I learned to amuse myself early on and that has served me well throughout my life.

I embrace and cherish by solitude. I get out just enough to maintain a foothold in your world.

by Anonymousreply 10609/30/2013

i remember when I was young (mid 20s) and tried to start a suburban gay/lesbian potluck group, with another fun young queer friend who lived in town. OMG the number of socially inept recluses who came spilling out to attend. It's like, since they had no friends and no relationship, all they had was this occasional structured event where the deal was that other people would be friendly or at least neutral. It eventually killed the group because the socially normal people wouldn't come back a 2nd time.

I learned after a while that there was a network of therapists with GLBT clients, and they were sending all the messed up loners to our monthly potluck!

by Anonymousreply 10709/30/2013

Those people things are overrated.

by Anonymousreply 10809/30/2013

Let's hear it for the loners.

by Anonymousreply 10903/22/2014

I'm not maladjusted. Everyone else is.

by Anonymousreply 11003/22/2014

Dear R104,

Please stop pretending to me, okay?

by Anonymousreply 11103/22/2014

i am in time machine , that's the way i feel....some time in 80s , 70s, etc . though i was always a loner , born in early 80s i have gain wisdom and known the concept of life...........not possible if i would have surrounded by people and friends all the time.................also being lonely feels like a bird flying and getting birds eye view of life .

by Anonymousreply 11205/23/2015

Not everyone feels the need to be in a relantionship, but (eventually) you do need other people. Maybe perma-bachelors could start up neighbourhoods/appartment complexes, where they can keep an eye on each other.

by Anonymousreply 11305/23/2015

Y'all need to take the gas pipe and leave us the fuck out of this.

by Anonymousreply 11405/23/2015

Another loner here. I have only a few friends and they don't live in my city, so basically they're just phone pals, people I talk to maybe once a month or so. Otherwise I go to work, where I am friendly but am in an office that's not very social. I go home and watch tv or surf the net. On weekends I go for bike rides or hikes.

I have (cliche alert!) two cats, and I love them both. As with many people, my animal companions really are my life outside my self.

Am I happy? I don't know. But I get by. I'm in good health, I'm financially stable, I enjoy my job, I like my weekends, I love my cats. When you look at the world, or even more frightening, the history of the world, I'm probably in better shape than 99 percent of everyone else.

I do think that I could make a friend, still, in life. I just don't know how.

by Anonymousreply 11505/23/2015

You will die and no one will discover your body until the mailman alerts the police your mail hasn't been picked up in 2 months. By then, you will have melted into your chair or bed. The smell will be atrocious. No one will be able to find your next of kin so all of your things will be moved out to the curb by the bank as they take possession of your house and resell it at a bargain.

Have a nice day.

by Anonymousreply 11605/25/2015

Plenty of people, including those who think of themselves as social butterflies, could take a page from r115.

Dude, you're better balanced than most of the extroverts I know.

by Anonymousreply 11705/25/2015

I've always had a hard time making friends. Part of it is that I am an introvert by nature, though this has lessened over the years.

I work and thrive in a high stess, demanding, high performance, mostly Ivy League educated medical hospital. I am clearly liked, respected, sought after on many levels, people often complement me on my abilites, humor, intelligence, etc. I think they would be shocked by how lonely my personal life is.

Part of it is getting older, friends move away or move on to others things. It is hard to meet people in general and part of me always feels that I am not all that interesting.

I think a lot of it has to do with growing up with a denigrating and uncaring father and a brother who was a physical and emotional bully. I never felt at home when I was a kid. Now, I love coming home to peace and quiet and where I can be who I want to be.

Still, I wish I had more friends to do things with. Good friends definitely enrich one's life.

by Anonymousreply 11805/25/2015

In 2011, I suffered through ovarian cancer, by myself. I was lucky that it was caught early. But in October 2013, I was diagnosed with chronic leukemia. No such luck this time. I've no friends, and my father hates me for being both an atheist and a lesbian. So, I get no sympathy from him. My mom died, decades ago; and I was never close to my brother. My father and his 2nd wife are the only family I've told.

by Anonymousreply 11905/25/2015

As I have gotten older, I enjoy the peace, quiet, and solitude that single life brings. I treasure and value it. When I was younger, I was constantly out among friends. But times change, and so does life. What I wanted then is not at all what I want now. A friend once said that I don't need a man, and at the time I was insulted. But now that remark has taken on a different meaning. I realize that I am a strong person who has always stood on my own feet and taken care of myself. And I like that about me. And I like my life. With the exception of a new puppy and my four year old cat, I'm neither responsible for or accountable to anyone. And I realize that's exactly how I like it.

by Anonymousreply 12005/25/2015

Geez R119! You're dealing with more than any dozen people I know! The best of luck to you, hope you find some outside support and extended "family" you can choose just to be there for you.

by Anonymousreply 12105/25/2015

My life's not lonely, to be honest. I was hurt - physically abused - a lot as a child, which made me pretty insular. High School was a nightmare, college and Uni were marginally better. I'm in a place now where I'm happy just to come home at night, draw the curtains and flop down in front of the telly and just shut the outside world out. It took me a long time to actually realise that I don't really want to be in a relationship with someone and really can't imagine *being* in a relationship with someone. Does it make me sad? Sometimes. But then I can always go out and have a random fuck on a Friday - the joys of Grindr and Scruff. I'm not a total loner - I do have some social contact, but I fucking hate parties and I hate the gay scene with a passion verging on psychosis sometimes.

Put it short - if I wanted companionship, I'd get a dog. If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet, I'd put tap shoes on said-dog.

by Anonymousreply 12205/25/2015

I lost all of my friends after becoming suddenly & unexpectedly disabled. Amazing how quickly they all scatter, soon never to be heard from again. Many of them are still my 'friends' on Facebook, and I'll see them bragging from time to time about working in "helping" professions like nursing...I always get a good belly-laugh out of those posts. Bitch, you don't even "help" your own friend by simply asking how I'm doing. And at this point it's been so long that I don't even want to hear from them. Too little, too late. I've learned who my true friends are from this experience, and that list is incredibly short. Like I don't even need an entire finger to count them on, short.

by Anonymousreply 12305/25/2015

r119, have you looked into what support services are available in your local area for cancer survivors? To have the support, encouragement, understanding and just plain friendship of people who understand what you are going through will be very important. Please know, a stranger wishes you all the very best. Not just to r119, but to everyone who has been willing to share their stories on this thread. Maybe try volunteering in your local areas. You will already have something in common with the people there, and that can help to break the ice and get things moving. For those of you who have said you just don't believe that anyone would want to be your friend. Please challenge those negative thoughts. Sit down and write out ALL of your positive qualities, even if it takes you a while to come up with some. These will be the attributes you can remind yourself that you have to offer someone in friendship. Take care of yourselves :)

by Anonymousreply 12405/25/2015

I'm with R124 - R119, please look up what's in your area resource-wise.

by Anonymousreply 12505/25/2015

R124, you're a good person.

by Anonymousreply 12605/25/2015

Somebody play this, please----and pass the cigarettes and whiskey.

by Anonymousreply 12705/25/2015

I lost my brother and my job within 48 hours back in February which occurred 3 days before my birthday. My mother is not doing well either (major health issues) but I would rather be by myself to deal with these issues. For me, I would rather not dump my problems on people. Unfortunately, as I was told from an employment agency, do not expect the colleagues who were your friends at work to help you. The man who is still helping me get work said he learned this the hard way when he had lost his job.

I still believe things will turn around. Sometimes, life gives you challenges and you just have to overcome them. When I get back on my feet, I would feel the confidence to go out and make friends.

by Anonymousreply 12805/25/2015

I wonder if there was no internet, Datalounge, etc., if people would be forced to be more social?

by Anonymousreply 12905/25/2015

Yes, R129; they would go to bars and just have casual conversation. About twenty or more years ago, you could admit as a human you went to a public space for random and genial human contact. Now, it's cunt city, with the phones as a means of avoiding the vulnerability of being alone in a public space.

by Anonymousreply 13005/25/2015

I was off of work on disability for a year then into forced retirement, when on paid disability you are only allowed to go to the grocery store, drug store and doctor appointments. My company had a history of following people on disability and firing them if they find you doing anything not permitted. You really find out who your friends are when you can't go anywhere or do anything. Or should I say you find out who isn't your friend, and it turned out to be everyone.

Fortunately I really don't get lonely, I can always find something to entertain myself, and friends can sometimes be an irritation. I always felt I was a better friend to people than they were to me, so not a huge loss.

by Anonymousreply 13105/25/2015

How is that legal, R131? What if you were offered a vacation? Or went on a spiritual retreat? You have to be able to have a life of your own - I'm not talking ski vacations or hiking trips when you claim not to be able to walk...

by Anonymousreply 13205/25/2015

Trust me they fired plenty of people for abusing disability, however I am guessing most of them deserved it. I had a brain tumor, so I am guessing they never bothered to follow me as I hardly ever left the house, and clearly I wasn't faking it.

It was normally people doing stupid things like reroofing a house when they had a bad back or something stupid like that.

by Anonymousreply 13305/25/2015

R119, thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

by Anonymousreply 13405/25/2015
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