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How do you live without sex?

Well I’m coming to the realization that I don’t think I’m going to have sex ever again.

I know this feeling is superficial, that it is a need to fill up some emptiness inside of me.

But how do others handle it?

How have you been able to live without sex, and embrace a live of celibacy?

by Anonymousreply 7005/25/2013

I was 20 at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and so freaked out that I attempted to be asexual. No sexual contact, no thought or discussion of sexuality. Five years later I was hospitalized for major depressive disorder.

by Anonymousreply 104/29/2012

There is a human tendency to focus on what you don't have. Imagine you were getting laid regularly but were rapidly going deaf in both ears. Your focus would not be "yeah, sex, life is good" it would be a focus on what's wrong, the loss of your hearing. "How do you live without hearing?"

Happy and unhappy people are having sex. Happy and unhappy people are not having sex.

Beyond that, Niebuhr's prayer applies. Accept your celibacy if it cannot be changed, or if you can change it and want to, then get sexually active again.

by Anonymousreply 204/29/2012

Either lower your standards or pray you don't get arthritis in your hands.

by Anonymousreply 304/29/2012

If you won't even have sex with yourself I guess you'll have to hire someone.

by Anonymousreply 404/29/2012

Masturbation and a long list of porn sites to visit.

by Anonymousreply 504/29/2012

{quote]I know this feeling is superficial, that it is a need to fill up some emptiness inside of me

You were a bottom?

by Anonymousreply 604/29/2012

Go to any major porn aggregator, and you'll see a range of guys...young/old...hot/not...skinny/fat...

I'm absolutely convinced that someone would have to be absolutely revolting in order to be single. The only catch is, a lot of ugly people aren't wiling to lower their standards and they have the nerve to be choosey. Hopefully you're not that delusional, OP.

by Anonymousreply 704/29/2012

[quote] Hopefully you're not that delusional,

I'm not that delusional. My only standard is no one over 350 pounds and no one over 70 years old.

I don't think that is a high standard at all.

by Anonymousreply 804/29/2012

Sex is a human need. I'm not sure how you think you can or should live w/o it. Even some religions allow marriage and the Catholic Church scandals show that priests don't live w/o sex. Do you mean you have some medical condition that prevents you from having sex, don't want to mastubate or that you think you will not find a partner(s)?

by Anonymousreply 904/29/2012

Maybe your effort should be relationship focused rather than sex focused. There may be more sucess in that strategy. Worth a try if the current way isn't working.

by Anonymousreply 1004/29/2012

When you say "celibacy", do you mean no sexual relations with another person or no sexual acts of any kind including masturbation? Those are two very different situations.

by Anonymousreply 1104/29/2012

no sexual relations with another person

by Anonymousreply 1204/29/2012

I don't have sex much.

Yeah, I struggle with depression. But I came to the realization a wihle ago that I won't be having sex much more in my life (unless I pay for it).

I had a robust sex life in my 30's I guess. Not as good as most, by all tales, but I have my good stories to fall back on.

I deal with it by masturbating to internet porn a lot.

Unfortunately, at this point, I've found I almost prefer it to actual sex with another human being.

by Anonymousreply 1404/29/2012

Is this another lesbian thread?

by Anonymousreply 1504/29/2012

I'm ugly to most gay men so I don't really have a choice, the only people that find me attractive are straight women.

by Anonymousreply 1604/29/2012

I hear you, R16. I'm only attractive to individuals that I am NOT attracted to.

It's a general rule... in a room full of people, the ONE that I would never have sex with not even for money, is the only one that finds me attractive.

It's so annoying.

by Anonymousreply 1704/29/2012

SO then how do guys like us live without sex when no one will touch us with a ten foot pole?

by Anonymousreply 1804/29/2012

[quote]SO then how do guys like us live without sex when no one will touch us with a ten foot pole?

Sex with other people is what I assume you are talking about? Or are you all so hideous, that you cannot touch yourselves?

by Anonymousreply 1904/29/2012

[quote] SO then how do guys like us live without sex when no one will touch us with a ten foot pole?

Masturbation. As long as you get off what does it matter how you do it?

by Anonymousreply 2004/29/2012

I have plenty of sex. There's just nobody else in the room at the time.

by Anonymousreply 2104/29/2012

I've been celibate for very long periods throughout my life and I've never found it particularly difficult.

by Anonymousreply 2204/29/2012

I have very little interest in sex, OP. It's more trouble than it's worth. Seriously.

by Anonymousreply 2304/29/2012

I agree with r20-r23.

I haven't had sex with another person in a year or so, and it's not problem as long as I have my porn and can masturbate. For me personally, that's actually a better way to orgasm.

I would get depressed without a relationship, though. I'm in a good one that just happens not to involve much sex.

by Anonymousreply 2404/29/2012

R20, the power of human touch and skin to skin closeness between two people is hard to replace, not to mention the intimacy, interaction, sometimes excitement, and over all power of touch.

by Anonymousreply 2504/29/2012

OP, it doesn't sound like you live a life of celibacy by choice. What is your reason for living without sex?

by Anonymousreply 2604/29/2012

[quote]the power of human touch and skin to skin closeness between two people is hard to replace, not to mention the intimacy, interaction, sometimes excitement, and over all power of touch.

Agreed. That's why I get regular massages. It's not that expensive, I just make sure the maseusse is a guy, and I get the power of touch.

I fervently believe the power of human touch is very important.

That doesn't replace intimacy, but I'm not sure what to do about that.

by Anonymousreply 2704/29/2012

R26 No one find me sexy enough to go to bed with me.

And before people say I have to lower my standards. My only standards are guys not over 350 pounds and no guys over 70 years old.

I don't think those are high standards.

by Anonymousreply 2804/29/2012

Sex? Yawn. I rather eat cake!

by Anonymousreply 2904/29/2012

So anyone?

by Anonymousreply 3004/30/2012

There are times in my life when it was easy simply because nothing turned me on. But giving up sex during periods where I felt sexual would have been extremely difficult for me.

by Anonymousreply 3104/30/2012

It is more trouble than it is worth. Masturbation: it is there when you want it and you don't have deal with anyone else's drama or issues.

by Anonymousreply 3204/30/2012

How old are you OP?

by Anonymousreply 3304/30/2012

Christ almighty -- the trolls here have sunk to a new low.

by Anonymousreply 3404/30/2012

R33 I'm 32

And again my only standards are no one over 70 and no one over 350 pounds.

And I still can't get anyone.

I don't think my standard are too high here.

by Anonymousreply 3504/30/2012

Celibate! Rhymes with "celebrate"!

by Anonymousreply 3604/30/2012

OP, you have to leave the house to "get someone." What are you doing to facilitate a connection?

by Anonymousreply 3704/30/2012

I've never had sex and don't expect to and frankly the idea of attempting it now freaks me out too much, so I don't really care if I live without it.

by Anonymousreply 3804/30/2012

Right R37 OP is obviously at fault.

by Anonymousreply 3904/30/2012

What you need OP is a slutty partner. I got one.

by Anonymousreply 4004/30/2012

I hear you OP. I have lost alot of weight and have some saggy skin issues. I look great with my clothes on but when I am standing my stomach and love handle area is saggy.(I look good lying down though!) I literally don't think that anyone could ever love me so I have stopped dating. I am a pretty handsome guy otherwise. 36 and already a spinster.

by Anonymousreply 4104/30/2012

Aw, c'mon R41. Just get a tummy tuck.

by Anonymousreply 4204/30/2012

Oh 42, we cannot all "Just have a tummy tuck". I am not one of the majority DL'ers who lives in NYC and makes 200K a year. The one thing about getting older is we accept who we are. I barely know if I will have a job a year from now..

by Anonymousreply 4304/30/2012

-anyone else?

by Anonymousreply 4405/01/2012

[quote] I literally don't think that anyone could ever love me so I have stopped dating

Deepen that shallow thinking, I'd rather date an intelligent 'sagging middle' than a vapid 'washboard middle' any day.

by Anonymousreply 4505/01/2012

OP, can you afford to get a massage now and then?

I know the feeling of being unattractive to gay men.

I'm 57, 20 pounds overweight, thinning and graying hair, glasses, small dick, and poor.

I have friends, but none of them are attracted to me. Even guys I know who are older and more overweight than I am and I think are less attractive aren't interested in me. They want someone 20 or more years younger, and some of them are willing to pay for it. That's fine, of course.

I stopped having anonymous encounters because it was too unpleasant to have someone make a nasty remark about my 4-inches soft and 6-inches hard dick and then end the event.

I had boyfriends and fuck buddies when I was younger, but never anyone I really loved.

When I was in better financial shape, I used to get massages at least once a month. Usually I just had good professional massage, but a few times I paid someone for a massage with a happy ending, and it was great. I didn't need that all the time then, because I had sex partners then, but now if I could afford, I'd do it regularly.

Masturbation is great, of course, but as a couple of people have said above, being touched by another person is a human need, and there have been many studies have shown there are countless physical and mental health benefits from touching and being touched and from having a sexual connection with other people.

I don't have an objection to paying a hustler, but there are a lot of downsides to it, like the potential for robbery and assault, the very high cost, and the way many hustlers act supremely bored and make you feel you wasted your money. (Yes, I hustled a couple of times and have paid a hustler a few times, too.)

So the best solution I have, if you can afford it, is to have a massage with a happy ending when you want one.

by Anonymousreply 4605/01/2012

[quote]it was too unpleasant to have someone make a nasty remark about my 4-inches soft and 6-inches hard dick and then end the event.

God, men are so cruel.

[quote]being touched by another person is a human need, and there have been many studies have shown there are countless physical and mental health benefits from touching and being touched

I know you all hate frau-ish comments, but I'll risk it. I read a study once that said one of the reasons new mothers have little interest in sex (aside from being tired) is because they get an overdose of "touch" stimulation from their babies hanging all over them--particularly when breast feeding.

by Anonymousreply 4705/01/2012

OP are you actively looking to have sex?

I've been celibate for over a year now. I was on anti-depressants for some time and just lost interest.

Since I've gone off them, I've been working out, eating well...trying to not fall back into the rabbit hole of depression

I, too, don't know if I will - or, rather - want to have sex again, at least now. I like my body, I'm tall, I guess attractive, but not on any online sex sites, don't cruise when out with friends - the urge for sex has been replaced with other distractions.

not sure if it will last, but, as others have said, the whole process of hooking-up has changed and I just can't seem to jump on-board. I feel like I should miss it, but I don't

by Anonymousreply 4805/01/2012

59 here....had fun pre Aids- went to the baths frequently and am grateful to still be alive....used to love rimming but now the thought of licking out someone's ass is repulsive to me. Don't have the drive or desire anymore so thank God for free porn sites and weed. I am shocked to see so much unprotected sex on those sites. Easy to live without sex. Focus on more important things that fulfill you and aren't as messy.

by Anonymousreply 4905/01/2012

After encountering one too many queens with poor personal hygiene, I retired from the hookup scene. The number of guys walking around with dirty, skid marked underwear, shit encrusted assholes, unwashed, smelly uncut dicks, b.o. and bad breath is appalling. Is it any wonder STD's are off the charts?

Don't miss the sex and I definitely don't miss the disgusting sights/smells.

by Anonymousreply 5005/01/2012

R50 is a little freaky hot-house flower with some apparent OCD issues or something. Jesus.

by Anonymousreply 5105/01/2012

anyone else?

by Anonymousreply 5207/16/2012

R50 maybe you should try another place to meet men other than the local men's homeless shelter

by Anonymousreply 5307/16/2012

[quote]I know you all hate frau-ish comments, but I'll risk it. I read a study once that said one of the reasons new mothers have little interest in sex (aside from being tired) is because they get an overdose of "touch" stimulation from their babies hanging all over them--particularly when breast feeding.

Are you saying OP should have a bay, elderfrau?

by Anonymousreply 5407/16/2012

1) Enjoy the company of friends 2) Keep busy with work, hobbies, and social life 3) J/O as much as I need to

#3 is not perfect, but it really helps.

by Anonymousreply 5507/16/2012

We love the taste of shit.

by Anonymousreply 5607/16/2012

I'm 35, handsome, etc. I hate sex. Always have. It's stressful. The two times I had a serious bf, I evolved to enjoy the intimacy of the act, but the minute we broke up, I was back to celibacy. For me, it's just easier.

by Anonymousreply 5707/16/2012

I had lots and lots when I was young because I realized there would come a day when I'd be too old for that sort of thing. Every time I start to feel ashamed of having been such a whore I remind myself of how miserable I'd feel now if I hadn't seized the day back then, and I feel better about it.

by Anonymousreply 5807/16/2012

Your body can tell the difference between sex and masturbation. When you have a sex orgasm, it releases more prolactin, which makes people feel sleepy. When you masturbate, your body releases less.

by Anonymousreply 5907/16/2012

I'm not particularly bothered by my dick size. It's "only" 6-7 inches hard, but it has a juicy head and the shaft is well proportioned. I've seen so many ugly big dicks I'm not that fussed. If I met someone with my dick I'd be down on it and suck away for hours.

by Anonymousreply 6007/16/2012

[quote]Well I’m coming to the realization that I don’t think I’m going to have sex ever again.

Hire an escort.

PROBLEM SOLVED.

Next!

by Anonymousreply 6207/16/2012

65 here. I had lots of sex when I was young. Haven't had any in the last 5 years and I don't miss it at all. One of the greatest parts of getting older is having your sex drive diminish. Means I have more for many other, more divergent interests.

by Anonymousreply 6307/16/2012

For pity's sake OP: just go to a sauna!

Be patient. Be wise. Be friendly. Problem solved.

Why people think this is complicated for gay men defeats me. Straights would kill to have such easy availability to sex and companionship. Make the most of it!

by Anonymousreply 6407/16/2012

etween the faction of gay Christians who are happy with their sexual identity and "ex-gays," who say they've removed their homosexual yearnings, is a third group that gets little attention. These so-called Side B Christians identify as gay and believe it's not sinful to do so. But because they see acting on their orientation as ungodly, they commit to a life of celibacy.

Now, for the first time, a sociologist has taken an in-depth look at what makes Side Bs tick, particularly how they navigate their same-sex desires and their awkward position as stuck in the middle of ex-gay groups and content gay Christians. The study is small, but finds that Side Bs experience both tension and connection with these two groups. (The origins of the "Side B" term are foggy, but the terminology seems to come from the organization the Gay Christian Network, which labels gay Christians who do not see their sexuality as sinful as "Side A" and those who do as "Side B.")

"The networks overlap with these two groups very strongly, and they did often feel kind of caught in the middle, certainly," said study researcher S.J. Creek, a sociologist at Hollins University in Virginia. [5 Myths About Gay People, Debunked]

Christian and gay

The study of Side B Christians grew out of a larger research project by Creek looking into the lives of ex-gay Christians. This movement, which centers largely around the organization Exodus International, claims that same-sex desire can be stifled and that sexual orientation can be changed — hence the term "ex-gay." Numbers on ex-gay individuals are hard to come by, but Exodus International claims 3,000 people worldwide attend one of its ministry events each week.

In interviewing people who had sought help from ex-gay groups and then left, Creek found two distinct groups: Side As, who reconciled their sexuality with their religion and believe being gay and Christian is not contradictory; and Side Bs, who accept their orientation but commit to celibacy in order to remain in line with anti-homosexuality tenets.

"How each group thought about and acted on desire was different," Creek said.

For her new study, published May 13 in the journal Symbolic Interaction, Creek interviewed five Side B Christians about their emotions and interactions. Four of the interviewees were men and one was a woman; one of the men was married to a lesbian who also struggled with her desires.

Dealing with desire

The interviews revealed that desire was a complex problem for the Side Bs. "Allen," the 30-something man married to a lesbian, noted that he'd even had gay friends try to seduce him to test his limits. Such an experience is not uncommon among abstinent people, Creek wrote. [10 Milestones in Gay Rights History]

Admitting to same-sex desires is also a problem for Side Bs interacting with ex-gays, as the ex-gay philosophy holds that even homosexual desire is not OK. Creek's interviewees reported keeping their sexuality and their celibacy closeted in many cases.

"I tend to categorize myself as a gay, celibate Christian, but I am very hesitant using that [description] because in secular society, the word 'gay' means attracted to men, and in Evangelical Christian subculture, it means ‘sleeps with everybody five days a week,’" said one interviewee, called "James" in the report. Dealing with the connotations of the term was often too much of a headache, James said, so he frequently kept the information to himself.

At other times, claiming a gay identity was a way to connect with other Christians, both gay and straight. "Erin," a celibate lesbian, told Creek she found a connection with married couples in her Orthodox Church who also tried to lead chaste lives. Allen told a story of a straight Christian retreat administrator who stood up for him, pointing out that Christian straight men and Christian gay men have similar struggles.

"Every day, Allen wakes up and looks around, and he sees guys he wants to have sex with — and he doesn't have sex with them because he's following Jesus," the male administrator said. "And every day, I wake up, and I see girls I want to have sex with — and I don’t have sex with them because I’m following Jesus. So, we’re both not getting any because we’re following Jesus."

The study can’t be generalized to Christian gays as a group, or even to celibate Christian gays, Creek said. Nor can it answer the burning question of who is happier: ex-gays, Side As or Side Bs.

"Ex-gays are always telling people why gays are deeply unhappy. And many gay activists are going to tell you why ex-gay activists are deeply unhappy," Creek said. "Every group seems to think the other group isn't quite as happy as they are."

However, the Side B Christians interviewed by Creek may place a different priority on their sexuality than outsiders might, Creek said.

"Their Christian identities are incredibly important to them, and they would be deeply unhappy if they felt they were compromising those identities," she said.

by Anonymousreply 6605/24/2013

R66? Just because I'm not fucking anyone RIGHT NOW doesn't make me a Xtian.

by Anonymousreply 6705/24/2013

OP, have you ever had your testosterone level checked?

it appears that levels in the general population are dropping faster and earlier, with theories that include the increase in exposure to certain chemicals in our food and water, the types of foods we eat, stress, and new (anti)social phenomena.

when levels are low, a man just isn't as interested in sex, and may decide to give up pursuing it, as well as feel that he is not worthy of pursuit.

by Anonymousreply 6805/24/2013

Then again testosterone could drop with age as the body tries to shut down inflammation and growth, which lead to cancer as the immune system weakens.

by Anonymousreply 6905/24/2013

I have no interest in sex, yet I'm obsessed with a much younger married straight man. All I want to do is be in his presence, hold him and gaze into his beautiful face (btw, it is he, young enough to be my son, who has talked about our chemistry, described our relationship to others as a bromance, has characterized our get-togethers as "man dates," & is wont to bring up my good looks).

by Anonymousreply 7005/25/2013
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