It's wedding season, Dataloungers, and them Dominionist gals is still itchin' to get hitched, even if it means being called "Mrs. Yuck" for the rest of their lives. The Yuck and Hammond families have obviously been drinking the Botkin Kool-Aid, because the "Christ-centered, covenant" wedding went on and on and on, before Caleb FINALLY "claimed" and "took" his bride. The two love birds had resentfully "obtained an official marriage license in order to satisfy the civil magistrates," but they sure did their own thing during the ceremony, and after the reception dinner-- well, you'll just have to see it to believe it.
Dominion Wackiness Post of the Week: The Wedding of Caleb Yuck and Jordan Hammond
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 38||09/02/2012|
"Caleb then passionately embraced his parents, with tears flowing freely, as he prepared to leave his father and mother, ready to follow the biblical mandate to cleave unto his bride." MARY!
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 1||04/16/2012|
"Flooded with emotion, leaving everyone in attendance deeply moved, Caleb then slowly and deliberately turned to face his bride... Paul then boldly announced, 'Jordan… behold, your bridegroom cometh!'" Someone's been reading a LOT of Doug Phillips' purple (yet manly!) prose, haven't they?
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 2||04/16/2012|
"And then, the much anticipated first embrace and kiss! Neither Caleb nor Jordan had ever given their hearts, their kisses, or their tender embraces to another, saving these precious gifts for one another alone."
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 3||04/16/2012|
"Following the meal, Caleb and Jordan donned aprons and ice cream serving hats and went from table to table serving our guests ice cream sundaes. Judging by the comments they received, this personal touch was a terrific hit!"
Have a great week, Dataloungers!
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 4||04/16/2012|
That guy has a small army of Asian little sisters.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 5||04/16/2012|
I think they out-Botkined the Botkins in pomposity and verbosity with that wedding. And the bride didn't wear any makeup, either. Take that, A-S and Elizabeth, you painted-face strumpets.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 6||04/16/2012|
oh dear oh dear. he has a bit o' the gayface, and she has a bit of the radioface....
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 7||04/16/2012|
She's actually very pretty, with regular, delicate features. It's the lack of makeup that's washing her out when she's wearing so much white.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 8||04/16/2012|
Are they into fisting?
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 9||04/16/2012|
J F C, that post is scary, from the father-of-the-groom's sermon on the imperative of home-schooling to the way the families evidently herded that couple together.
Does anyone know how old they are, btw?
And I know that makeup is the devil's work, but does the Bible anywhere prohibit brides from tweezing their eyebrows?
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 10||04/16/2012|
I can't imagine subjecting guests to such a selfish display of religious zealotry
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 11||04/16/2012|
so he was crying and she wasn't? hmmmmmmm
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 12||04/16/2012|
[quote]She's actually very pretty, with regular, delicate features.
You think her nose is "delicate"???? You size queens are toooo funny.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 13||04/16/2012|
These people must have the worst sex ever. And the quickest.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 14||04/16/2012|
i agree she could "clean up" quite nicely with a modest amount of makeup, but she is hardly "very" pretty. very pretty = the youngest and eldest daughters on 'downton abbey'. the bride in this wedding looks much more like the middle sister...
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 15||04/16/2012|
"...to the way the families evidently herded that couple together."
Deborah (the mother of the groom who wrote this post) even admits that Caleb and Jordan were their "guinea pigs" in this wonderful new world of Dominionist courtship!
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 16||04/16/2012|
[quote]"Jordan... behold, your bridegroom cometh!!"
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 17||04/16/2012|
I'm not American, so I would be intrigued to know (roughly) what percentage of the American population would read that and think "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"
What percentage of the American population is this crazy??
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 18||04/16/2012|
r18, they are the furthest right wing of conservative American Christianity, the very tippety-tip. Even conservative evangelicals like Lisa Whelchel would say they're insane.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 19||04/16/2012|
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 20||04/16/2012|
The problem isn't their numbers (altho, they seem to be growing) it's that they're SO FUCKING AMBITIOUS! They squirm their way into politics (several Bush appointees with these beliefs were kept on by Obama) and other positions of power and breed like rabbits. See The Duggars.
I know if I was saying this in the 50s about Catholics, you'd check to see if I had a pointy hat in my closet but Catholics don't want to stone you and everyone you love in public for "sinning."
They're terrifying in that "normal" evangelicals love the idea of prayer in schools and bringing America back to its Christian nation roots (yeah, I know) so they fall for their message, never realizing that a Christian theocracy would be a nightmare for everyone including themselves. They fear Sharia law in America (which is so fucking remote as to be laughable) but welcome these fundy fucks with open arms.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 21||04/16/2012|
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 22||04/16/2012|
Seriously, aren't the brides sleeves a bit short?
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 23||04/16/2012|
I hate to sound mean but these people always have cheap looking weddings in ugly warehouse like settings. There was only one that DWT posted that was done outside and was actually quite nice.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 24||04/16/2012|
I will also add that it's incredibly creepy the way the parents are so involved in their kids lives especially for the age of this couple.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 25||04/16/2012|
I love you, DWT, you never disappoint!
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 26||04/16/2012|
".... We dealt with it firmly, telling him that a boy who hit his sister would grow up to be a man who hits his wife, warning him that if he ever hit her again, he would suffer serious consequences....Sometime later, he again hit his sister and did suffer those serious consequences."
He'll never be able to tie his shoes by himself but we're glad he learned to hold a fork left-handed.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 27||04/16/2012|
She's a bit Appalachian looking. He is the pretty one of the two and really has a look of smug self-assurance.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 28||04/16/2012|
She reminds me a little of a young June Carter Cash.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 29||04/16/2012|
Every courtship should involve a trip to a gun show.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 30||04/16/2012|
The flower girls' dresses are adorable.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 31||04/16/2012|
Epcot honeymoon. They probably avoided Disney World with all of the gay stuff they have going on.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 32||04/16/2012|
That girl would be unrecognizable with a decent haircut and some makeup.
She really stirs my makeover gay within.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 33||04/16/2012|
[quote]Caleb, looking tenderly at his bride as Paul begins his message.
I kept reading that as:
[quote] Caleb, looking tenderly at his bride as Paul begins his massage.
Which would have been much more fun, of course.
Oh, and they both look like they play for our team.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 34||04/16/2012|
Seconding the opinion of whoever said they "out-Botkined the Botkins." Ye gods.
Interesting that they "satisfied the will of the magistrates" by obtaining a marriage license - I seem to remember the Botkins eschewing that particular step (ebil gummint being what it is and all...)
Nevertheless, there was enough drama contained in this one for 10 weddings. Who has the patience to sit through that much bloviating???
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 35||04/16/2012|
I've known Caleb for years, he's a great guy and quite the businessman. I've met both his parents and they seem very nice and down to earth too. Hunting season approacheth, sure I'll be meeting his wife this fall too.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 36||09/02/2012|
Good nutrition's given the Yucks some length of bone, but you're they're more than one generation from poor white Mennonite trash.
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 37||09/02/2012|
[quote] She's actually very pretty, with regular, delicate features. It's the lack of makeup that's washing her out when she's wearing so much white.
No. She looked okay in the first half of the pictures. Did you see the bottom pictures? She's weird looking. He's cute and he married way down
|by DominionWackinessTroll||reply 38||09/02/2012|