I think the point of the OP is that adoption seems to cause issues within an adopted person (gay or not) and OP is pondering this in all facets of adoption, but of course notes gay couples adopting because OP is gay, surely has gay friends adopting, may have considered adopting, and then thereâs the fact this is a forum for the gay community. It makes perfect sense OP would reach out here for thoughtful dialogue on the subject.
That said, I believe all adoptions should be outlawed regardless of the sexual orientation of the would be adoptive parents. (This goes for using sperm donors/egg donors tooâ¦same issues). A few notes (facts) on my reasoning below. Iâm here to share knowledge and open minds folks. I wonât be engaging in pointless arguments.
Approximately 97% of mothers who lost their children to adoption were forced in one way or the other (usually many more than one way). It is the very rare minority that actually wants to âgive upâ their baby to strangers and who have done so with fully informed consent.
The âburdenâ on the welfare system is simply not a valid argument. Any burden on the system is due to the way the system is designed and the lack of support/resources that can make a lasting difference for families for generations to come and in that, less burden on the system as time goes on. Itâs really rather simple. However, I will not go into that avenue since the most glaring issue with this argument is the underhanded assertion that poor people are not entitled to their own children; as if by being poor one is somehow subhuman or unworthy to parent his/her offspring. This is not a new view, especially in the adoption industry, however repugnant.
Re: obtaining oneâs documentation of birth, et al. not being a Civil Rights issueâ¦how so? These are human beings we are talking about. Adoptees have every right to their OBC and any documentation having to do with THEIR adoption, natural origins, etc. It is THEIRS.
There are far too many lies, deceit and secrets in the adoption industry. And it is all surrounded by big business. The PAPs havenât dealt with their infertility so they want to live in denial of it. They want to live in rainbow-farting unicorn land where they pretend the adoptee is born to them. If the adoption agency canât promise them they are 100% legally the parents (including altering the OBC which personally I think should NEVER be done to start with) and the natural family canât/wonât âinterfereâ then those PAPs wonât pay upwards of $30,000 (ïFACT & nothing short of baby selling on the backs of poor/frightened/beaten down young mothers) for their pretend offspring.
Sealing these records does not now and NEVER HAS had anything to do with promising mothers confidentiality of any kind. The idea that natural parents have ever been promised confidentiality is a FALSEHOOD. Itâs just another smokescreen to get the ignorant masses into a political frenzy about something they know nothing about though it is high time people start paying attention because you are all perpetuating the abuse of power, human rights violations out the wazoo, and a blight on our country as huge as slavery and I dare say, even genocide.
In the event that an adoption absolutely HAS to take place I do not think the childâs name should be changed, nor should the childâs birth certificate be altered & most certainly no files should be sealed from the child once he/she is an adult. Adoption should be outlawed completely & a kind of guardianship or permanent custody used in the cases that are absolutely 100% unavoidable. There is zero reason for secrecy when all is on the up and up, as they say.
All people should know their roots, their history, their heritage, their ancestry. All people should be able to wear that natural history proudly in the form of their given name/surname.
And in closing, two other points Iâd like to note:
1) no one wants to have a child just to hand it over to someone else. it is devastating. any woman who has given birth knows this. 2) another issue with all this baby selling secrecy is the need to know if you are about to marry and procreate with your sibling! can we please return to some level of common sense and human decency?