Dating an older man
Gay guy here.
I'm dating a man who's old enough to be my father. We've been going out for a month now and everything about this relationship is amazing. We have brunch together on Sundays, the sex is wonderful, and he isn't weirded out when I call him "daddy" in bed.
The problem? There have been a couple of times when, while hanging out with my actual father, I've had to stop myself from doing or saying something inappropriate because I've forgotten who I was with. This week at lunch, I casually called my dad "Babe" when I asked him to pass the salt. He didn't say anything, but he gave me a funny look.
Dad and the bf haven't met each other yet, but as they are roughly the same age and have a similar general appearance, I'm starting to become nervous at the prospect.
On a scale of 1-10, how fucked up is this?
|by Anonymous||reply 67||06/23/2012|
This is clearly designed by some basement dweller to incite an outraged response. My significant other, of over six years, is thirty years younger than I, and to my knowledge he's never had a problem distinguishing between is dad and me.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||02/23/2012|
I can't wait for the follow-ups when dad and "daddy" meet. OP--can you work a nephew into the plot?
|by Anonymous||reply 2||02/23/2012|
Pretty sure this thread will be judged on a different 1-10 scale, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||02/23/2012|
Seriously, guys? Can I get *one* serious response? Yes, I will admit I have some "daddy issues," but I am not a troll.
|by Anonymous||reply 4||02/23/2012|
[quote]Can I get *one* serious response?
No, not with a post like that. Even if you're not a troll, what do you want us to say?
|by Anonymous||reply 5||02/23/2012|
Sorry, OP. I just don't buy it that you confuse your lover and your father because they are the same age.
|by Anonymous||reply 6||02/23/2012|
isn't this the plot of the new pilot from the creators of WILL AND GRACE?
|by Anonymous||reply 8||02/23/2012|
Even I think you have issues.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||02/23/2012|
Finally a new fun thread.
Make "daddy" shave his head. If he's otally bald he will look nothing like your dad.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||02/23/2012|
He was just about to climax in my mouth when I looked up gratefully, only to realize that I had mistakenly slipped my father's cock into my mouth instead of my boyfriend's! I was so embarrassed by my mistake, I almost took it out!
|by Anonymous||reply 11||02/23/2012|
OP what about the smell, don't old guys smell?
|by Anonymous||reply 12||02/23/2012|
OP, assuming this is for real, unless your father is expecting #1 a man and #2 a man fully his age, this can't go any way but very poorly.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||02/23/2012|
[quote]He was just about to climax in my mouth when I looked up gratefully, only to realize that I had mistakenly slipped my father's cock into my mouth instead of my boyfriend's! I was so embarrassed by my mistake, I almost took it out!
It'll be a spit roast with your father and son at either end next.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||02/23/2012|
I LOVE this thread. I've never seen a thread -- and I've been on here a loooong time -- in which some OP opened themselves up so wide for the queens to take aim. Wider than Joey Heatherton on Super Bowl Sunday.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||02/23/2012|
Did you really do that r11/0P? That must have been so embarrassing! You should be more careful next time.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||02/23/2012|
R16: Fortunately, Dad was reading a large book, so when he looked down to see who was blowing him and slurping his warm, ropey cum, he didn't realize it was me, his son.
Boy, that was close!
|by Anonymous||reply 17||02/23/2012|
On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a genius and 10 being an idiot, I'd give you a 45, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||02/23/2012|
I believe the OP. I'm in a long term relationship with a man 20 years older than me and I do it. In my family, we've always gotten names confused. My Dad will call out everyone of my siblings names until he gets the right one. So sometimes I will call out to my partner and call him Dad by accident or say Baby when I talk to my Dad. It's embarrassing but that's it. I wouldn't be worried, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||02/23/2012|
A parent becomes the child, or baby, eventually, so it's not that crazy.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||02/23/2012|
The whole passing the salt bit - poor porn lit - was what did it for me.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||02/23/2012|
[quote]Fortunately, Dad was reading a large book, so when he looked down to see who was blowing him and slurping his warm, ropey cum
I do love a glass of Advocaat.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||02/23/2012|
R11 and R17 are not me.
R13, my father knows that I'm gay, but not that I prefer older men. He met my prior bf, but he was my age. They got along famously, and my dad is totally supportive of me and always has been.
My bf does not smell and he is not old. My dad isn't even old. My bf is in his late 40s and my dad is in his early 50s.
Thanks, R19. What's your Dad's reaction when you make slip-ups like that? Is it ever awkward?
|by Anonymous||reply 23||02/23/2012|
I ignore it, he ignores it
|by Anonymous||reply 24||02/23/2012|
Here's a coping strategy: Stop calling your lover "daddy." Problem solved.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||02/23/2012|
Supportive hag here. I believe you, OP! And if a woman is dating a man much older and accidentally calls her own father some nickname, I bet most people would think it was sort of cute (unless her father was annoyed.) I think you wrote a nice, cute post and I'm sorry people on this site are sometimes so jaded (although the "fake posts" were hysterical!)
|by Anonymous||reply 26||02/23/2012|
So, things have become a little odd. Or I could just be making a mountain out of a molehill.
I was out with my dad today and had a slip and called him "Babe" again. He responded by calling me "Sweetie." As in, I dropped my pen and said "Whoops, could you pick that up for me, babe?" And he said "Sure, sweetie."
Completely without sarcasm.
So apparently he thinks it was intentional and that it's a "thing" we do now.
My life is one episode of Seinfeld after another.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||02/25/2012|
I love R11. It reminded me of that old Grape-nuts commercial. "Oh! Mrs. Burke! I thought you were Dale!"
"Oh! Father! I thought you ... you were Daddy!"
|by Anonymous||reply 28||02/25/2012|
How old were you when your father first touched you inappropriately, OP?
|by Anonymous||reply 29||02/25/2012|
Sounds like an Emotional Sensitive Time.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||02/25/2012|
What is screwed up is you, OP, using the word 'babe' - EVER.
'babe' is a revolting word and the usage is revolting - do not call anyone, including your lover, 'babe' - it is a sickening custom
|by Anonymous||reply 31||02/25/2012|
why would you even use the sickening term 'babe' - it is a vomitous word and custom
|by Anonymous||reply 32||02/25/2012|
Woah, dial it back R31/32. Did an abusive ex-bf call you that and now you have an attack of PTSD every time you hear it? LOL.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||02/26/2012|
R31/32, do you live in NYC? Because I think we dated.One of my exes literally had a fit when I called him babe one night. His diatribe about the word and basically any term of endearment unleashed all of his self-hating homophobia. That and the fact that he would get mad when people called us boyfriends.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||02/26/2012|
I think it's wonderful. I always had a thing for much older men, now I am one. Don't listen to any of the DL nasty queens on here, you're much better off just going with your own gut feeling so, good luck to you both!!
|by Anonymous||reply 35||02/26/2012|
He sounds like a peach, R34. What was his issue with people calling you "boyfriends"? And what was his rationale for being so opposed to terms of endearment?
|by Anonymous||reply 36||02/26/2012|
older men make great lovers, and actual dads are the best
|by Anonymous||reply 37||02/26/2012|
Follow your bliss. Relationships don't have to fit pre prescribed cookie cutters.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||02/26/2012|
why should gay men follow the hackneyed, ridiculous use of 'babe' shaping themselves upon the model of asinine hetero couples who overuse the term 'babe' to an extreme
the use of 'babe' is stomach-turning
|by Anonymous||reply 39||02/26/2012|
[quote] So apparently he [OP's father] thinks it was intentional and that it's a "thing" we do now.
OP, I think this is your bigger problem.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||02/26/2012|
OP, why are you spending so much time with your Dad instead of your daddy?
|by Anonymous||reply 41||02/26/2012|
OP, I think your eldergay romance will only lead your parents to allow you may be a money grubbing floozy. Many elderstraight men have girl friends and or wives young enough to be their daughter. Most of these females in this situation are in it as an "investment" even when they really care for the elderstraight.
If your father is comfortable knowing you enjoy stiff cock in your mouth and up your bum too, I doubt meeting one of your eldergay sex partners will be of much more concern.
Hell, you already called your dad, babe. Surely he recognizes a little hooker lingo by now.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||02/26/2012|
OP here with an update.
My dad and boyfriend have now met. I think my dad was thrown off by the age difference at first, but he certainly seems to have gotten over it fast. They have now gone bowling together TWICE without me. It's like some kind of weird bromance or something.
And my dad is still calling me "babe" even though I've been very careful to not do the same thing again.
Part of me wants to just end it with the boyfriend because it's so weird, but part me feels like that would just be "relinquishing" him to my dad, and there's no way in hell I'm gonna do that.
|by Anonymous||reply 43||03/17/2012|
Are you sure your dad isn't gay?
|by Anonymous||reply 44||03/17/2012|
R44, I don't really know. He and my mom were not married for very long and he's never remarried. He's always been what I'd call "a man's man" although he's taken dips in at least a couple of lady ponds that I know of. I would not be shocked at all to learn that he's proficient in playing the skin flute. I just hope he's not doing it with my boyfriend.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||03/17/2012|
OMG OMG OMG
I was in bed with my boyfriend this morning and he told me that he finds both my dad and I very attractive and that he would be up for having a threesome with us. As if that isn't weird enough, he has apparently ALREADY BROACHED THE TOPIC WITH MY DAD. I didn't get a chance to ask how that convo started, because he then informed me that MY DAD IS ON BOARD WITH THE IDEA.
How can I communicate how humiliating it is that my boyfriend has basically whored me out to my own father, who then told my boyfriend that he wants to have sex with me???
I felt I had no choice but to agree to it. I have a feeling my boyfriend will be fucking my dad with or without me.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||03/18/2012|
Why are you dating a daddy when you still live with one?
|by Anonymous||reply 47||03/18/2012|
Really, OP? Maybe a gay uncle would have been more convincing. But, on the off chance that your struggles are real....
Since it's been almost eight hours, let me state the obvious: do not sleep with your father. If he sleeps with your boyfriend, you will recover. If you sleep with them both, that's a guaranteed ticket to a decade or three of therapy.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||03/18/2012|
Oh hell no. I am so doing this. There is no fucking way I'm just going to let my dad have my boyfriend like that. If he wants a threesome, he'll get a threesome. I'll do whatever it takes.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||03/19/2012|
um maryfrau at R46, grow up
|by Anonymous||reply 50||03/19/2012|
OP, is your dad hotter than your boyfriend?
|by Anonymous||reply 51||03/19/2012|
OP you could just get out of your basement and stop pulling this schtick that you also tried on the DL refugees board.
Oh are we playing along?
|by Anonymous||reply 52||03/19/2012|
hands up for age discordant relationshisps on datalounge!
my bf is 12 years younger than me....I'm 32, he's 20 and we're 2 years in.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||03/19/2012|
OP, please come back to this thread and provide some updates: Did you have the threesome with your older boyfriend and your dad? Are you and the boyfriend still dating? How are things between you and your dad these days, whether the threesome took place or not? Is your dad gay or bi? Do you think your boyfriend and your dad have had sex without you? You have a lot to tell!
Oh, if you made all this up- great job!
|by Anonymous||reply 54||06/22/2012|
Gays discount older men as partners..I don't know why because many older men are quite wealthy, settled down, not into the bar scene. The daddy/son thing is actually quite hot. As a daddy myself, I love having a hot young guy with me both in and out of the bedroom. The issue is this: Most younger gays can't relate to an older gay guy. Many say, "what are we going to talk about after we fuck". This is silly and shows the shallowness of many younger gays. It IS true that "with age comes wisdom". Most of the younger "sons" I have dated have been flighty, undependable, borderline employed, no car, and always looking for something "better" but they were all such great bottoms and the "daddy, fuck me deeper" verbal stuff during sex was so incredibly hot. Most will wind up on the "trash-heap of Life". But, c'est la vie".
|by Anonymous||reply 55||06/22/2012|
Thanks for your input into the whole older man-younger man dynamic, r55. But I still want to hear from the OP! Please, OP, come back and let us know how this all turned out for you, your boyfriend, and your dad.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||06/23/2012|
r56, there are much better porn sites for this.
|by Anonymous||reply 57||06/23/2012|
Easy-peasy. Kill your father. Problem solved!
|by Anonymous||reply 58||06/23/2012|
If you want to get technical, somebody 13 years older than you, is biologically old enough to be you father, so that statement doesn't really work OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||06/23/2012|
OP, Just accept it. you have been cock blocked by your much hotter Father. And bowling? Did the fact that these two older men chose to spend time together grabbing onto large balls not alert you immediately to the likely outcome? You have no choice but to have sex with your mother after watching "Tea and Sympathy"
|by Anonymous||reply 60||06/23/2012|
Dating an older man can be confusing. The other day I was blowing my 93 year old BF when suddenly my mind wandered and I thought that what I had in my mouth was a piece of beef jerky. And I bit it!
|by Anonymous||reply 61||06/23/2012|
[quote]Gays discount older men as partners..I don't know why because many older men are quite wealthy, settled down, not into the bar scene.
Um, because many of us have dignity and well-paying jobs, and don't want to fuck gross old geezers?
[quote]Most of the younger "sons" I have dated have been flighty, undependable, borderline employed, no car, and always looking for something "better"
Well, there you go: you pretty much answered your own question. Your fallacy is assuming that this description fits most younger gay men in general, which it most certainly does not.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||06/23/2012|
OP- I haven't read any of these responses- none of this is a follow through- I am 53 my BF of three years is 21 I am a couple of years older than his Dad. He calls me "Big Daddy" and his father "Dad". To mess it up a little more I have a son a year younger than my BF.
I am fortunate that his family accepts us just the way we are and we all get along pretty good. His Dad. Thinks fairly ewell of me and his mom and I are really good friends. We all get together sometimes- not as often as any of us would like.
The dynamic of BF Daddy and biological father is sometime an issue for him (my BF))u he has been known to call his Dad "babe" on occassion. It is by anyone elses standard a Ten on the Fuckedupness scale but you learn to live with it.
Some replys will call me a liar and say this is all a big EST or fantasy but its all too real. Let me know if I can advise you on anything specific- that's what Big Daddies are for.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||06/23/2012|
I was going to say that the relationship between the 32-yr-old and 20-yr-old in R53 was probably more doomed than the OP's. Then I read R64.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||06/23/2012|
There was a guy who had a serious crush on me a year or two ago. First, he said he was in his 30s, then he confessed that he was in his mid-40s. He was sweet but I had no intention of dating him. But, what really put me off was seeing a picture of his 17-year-old son, who looked exactly like me. Totally grossed me out.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||06/23/2012|
I love Older guys too op up into their 60s,but my type is nothing like my dad so I'm safe.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||06/23/2012|