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Dating an older man

Gay guy here.

I'm dating a man who's old enough to be my father. We've been going out for a month now and everything about this relationship is amazing. We have brunch together on Sundays, the sex is wonderful, and he isn't weirded out when I call him "daddy" in bed.

The problem? There have been a couple of times when, while hanging out with my actual father, I've had to stop myself from doing or saying something inappropriate because I've forgotten who I was with. This week at lunch, I casually called my dad "Babe" when I asked him to pass the salt. He didn't say anything, but he gave me a funny look.

Dad and the bf haven't met each other yet, but as they are roughly the same age and have a similar general appearance, I'm starting to become nervous at the prospect.

On a scale of 1-10, how fucked up is this?

by Anonymousreply 6706/23/2012

This is clearly designed by some basement dweller to incite an outraged response. My significant other, of over six years, is thirty years younger than I, and to my knowledge he's never had a problem distinguishing between is dad and me.

by Anonymousreply 102/23/2012

I can't wait for the follow-ups when dad and "daddy" meet. OP--can you work a nephew into the plot?

by Anonymousreply 202/23/2012

Pretty sure this thread will be judged on a different 1-10 scale, OP.

by Anonymousreply 302/23/2012

Seriously, guys? Can I get *one* serious response? Yes, I will admit I have some "daddy issues," but I am not a troll.

by Anonymousreply 402/23/2012

[quote]Can I get *one* serious response?

No, not with a post like that. Even if you're not a troll, what do you want us to say?

by Anonymousreply 502/23/2012

Sorry, OP. I just don't buy it that you confuse your lover and your father because they are the same age.

by Anonymousreply 602/23/2012

[quote]I am not a troll

But, you're dating one.

by Anonymousreply 702/23/2012

isn't this the plot of the new pilot from the creators of WILL AND GRACE?

by Anonymousreply 802/23/2012

Even I think you have issues.

by Anonymousreply 902/23/2012

Finally a new fun thread.

Make "daddy" shave his head. If he's otally bald he will look nothing like your dad.

by Anonymousreply 1002/23/2012

He was just about to climax in my mouth when I looked up gratefully, only to realize that I had mistakenly slipped my father's cock into my mouth instead of my boyfriend's! I was so embarrassed by my mistake, I almost took it out!

by Anonymousreply 1102/23/2012

OP what about the smell, don't old guys smell?

by Anonymousreply 1202/23/2012

OP, assuming this is for real, unless your father is expecting #1 a man and #2 a man fully his age, this can't go any way but very poorly.

by Anonymousreply 1302/23/2012

[quote]He was just about to climax in my mouth when I looked up gratefully, only to realize that I had mistakenly slipped my father's cock into my mouth instead of my boyfriend's! I was so embarrassed by my mistake, I almost took it out!


It'll be a spit roast with your father and son at either end next.

by Anonymousreply 1402/23/2012

I LOVE this thread. I've never seen a thread -- and I've been on here a loooong time -- in which some OP opened themselves up so wide for the queens to take aim. Wider than Joey Heatherton on Super Bowl Sunday.

by Anonymousreply 1502/23/2012

Did you really do that r11/0P? That must have been so embarrassing! You should be more careful next time.

by Anonymousreply 1602/23/2012

R16: Fortunately, Dad was reading a large book, so when he looked down to see who was blowing him and slurping his warm, ropey cum, he didn't realize it was me, his son.

Boy, that was close!

by Anonymousreply 1702/23/2012

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a genius and 10 being an idiot, I'd give you a 45, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1802/23/2012

I believe the OP. I'm in a long term relationship with a man 20 years older than me and I do it. In my family, we've always gotten names confused. My Dad will call out everyone of my siblings names until he gets the right one. So sometimes I will call out to my partner and call him Dad by accident or say Baby when I talk to my Dad. It's embarrassing but that's it. I wouldn't be worried, OP.

by Anonymousreply 1902/23/2012

A parent becomes the child, or baby, eventually, so it's not that crazy.

by Anonymousreply 2002/23/2012

The whole passing the salt bit - poor porn lit - was what did it for me.

by Anonymousreply 2102/23/2012

[quote]Fortunately, Dad was reading a large book, so when he looked down to see who was blowing him and slurping his warm, ropey cum

I do love a glass of Advocaat.

by Anonymousreply 2202/23/2012

R11 and R17 are not me.

R13, my father knows that I'm gay, but not that I prefer older men. He met my prior bf, but he was my age. They got along famously, and my dad is totally supportive of me and always has been.

My bf does not smell and he is not old. My dad isn't even old. My bf is in his late 40s and my dad is in his early 50s.

Thanks, R19. What's your Dad's reaction when you make slip-ups like that? Is it ever awkward?

by Anonymousreply 2302/23/2012

I ignore it, he ignores it

by Anonymousreply 2402/23/2012

Here's a coping strategy: Stop calling your lover "daddy." Problem solved.

by Anonymousreply 2502/23/2012

Supportive hag here. I believe you, OP! And if a woman is dating a man much older and accidentally calls her own father some nickname, I bet most people would think it was sort of cute (unless her father was annoyed.) I think you wrote a nice, cute post and I'm sorry people on this site are sometimes so jaded (although the "fake posts" were hysterical!)

by Anonymousreply 2602/23/2012

So, things have become a little odd. Or I could just be making a mountain out of a molehill.

I was out with my dad today and had a slip and called him "Babe" again. He responded by calling me "Sweetie." As in, I dropped my pen and said "Whoops, could you pick that up for me, babe?" And he said "Sure, sweetie."

Completely without sarcasm.

So apparently he thinks it was intentional and that it's a "thing" we do now.

My life is one episode of Seinfeld after another.

by Anonymousreply 2702/25/2012

I love R11. It reminded me of that old Grape-nuts commercial. "Oh! Mrs. Burke! I thought you were Dale!"

"Oh! Father! I thought you ... you were Daddy!"

by Anonymousreply 2802/25/2012

How old were you when your father first touched you inappropriately, OP?

by Anonymousreply 2902/25/2012

Sounds like an Emotional Sensitive Time.

by Anonymousreply 3002/25/2012

What is screwed up is you, OP, using the word 'babe' - EVER.

'babe' is a revolting word and the usage is revolting - do not call anyone, including your lover, 'babe' - it is a sickening custom

by Anonymousreply 3102/25/2012

why would you even use the sickening term 'babe' - it is a vomitous word and custom

by Anonymousreply 3202/25/2012

Woah, dial it back R31/32. Did an abusive ex-bf call you that and now you have an attack of PTSD every time you hear it? LOL.

by Anonymousreply 3302/26/2012

R31/32, do you live in NYC? Because I think we dated.One of my exes literally had a fit when I called him babe one night. His diatribe about the word and basically any term of endearment unleashed all of his self-hating homophobia. That and the fact that he would get mad when people called us boyfriends.

by Anonymousreply 3402/26/2012

I think it's wonderful. I always had a thing for much older men, now I am one. Don't listen to any of the DL nasty queens on here, you're much better off just going with your own gut feeling so, good luck to you both!!

by Anonymousreply 3502/26/2012

He sounds like a peach, R34. What was his issue with people calling you "boyfriends"? And what was his rationale for being so opposed to terms of endearment?

by Anonymousreply 3602/26/2012

older men make great lovers, and actual dads are the best

by Anonymousreply 3702/26/2012

Follow your bliss. Relationships don't have to fit pre prescribed cookie cutters.

by Anonymousreply 3802/26/2012

why should gay men follow the hackneyed, ridiculous use of 'babe' shaping themselves upon the model of asinine hetero couples who overuse the term 'babe' to an extreme

the use of 'babe' is stomach-turning

by Anonymousreply 3902/26/2012

[quote] So apparently he [OP's father] thinks it was intentional and that it's a "thing" we do now.

OP, I think this is your bigger problem.

by Anonymousreply 4002/26/2012

OP, why are you spending so much time with your Dad instead of your daddy?

by Anonymousreply 4102/26/2012

OP, I think your eldergay romance will only lead your parents to allow you may be a money grubbing floozy. Many elderstraight men have girl friends and or wives young enough to be their daughter. Most of these females in this situation are in it as an "investment" even when they really care for the elderstraight.

If your father is comfortable knowing you enjoy stiff cock in your mouth and up your bum too, I doubt meeting one of your eldergay sex partners will be of much more concern.

Hell, you already called your dad, babe. Surely he recognizes a little hooker lingo by now.

by Anonymousreply 4202/26/2012

OP here with an update.

My dad and boyfriend have now met. I think my dad was thrown off by the age difference at first, but he certainly seems to have gotten over it fast. They have now gone bowling together TWICE without me. It's like some kind of weird bromance or something.

And my dad is still calling me "babe" even though I've been very careful to not do the same thing again.

Part of me wants to just end it with the boyfriend because it's so weird, but part me feels like that would just be "relinquishing" him to my dad, and there's no way in hell I'm gonna do that.

by Anonymousreply 4303/17/2012

Are you sure your dad isn't gay?

by Anonymousreply 4403/17/2012

R44, I don't really know. He and my mom were not married for very long and he's never remarried. He's always been what I'd call "a man's man" although he's taken dips in at least a couple of lady ponds that I know of. I would not be shocked at all to learn that he's proficient in playing the skin flute. I just hope he's not doing it with my boyfriend.

by Anonymousreply 4503/17/2012


I was in bed with my boyfriend this morning and he told me that he finds both my dad and I very attractive and that he would be up for having a threesome with us. As if that isn't weird enough, he has apparently ALREADY BROACHED THE TOPIC WITH MY DAD. I didn't get a chance to ask how that convo started, because he then informed me that MY DAD IS ON BOARD WITH THE IDEA.

How can I communicate how humiliating it is that my boyfriend has basically whored me out to my own father, who then told my boyfriend that he wants to have sex with me???

I felt I had no choice but to agree to it. I have a feeling my boyfriend will be fucking my dad with or without me.

by Anonymousreply 4603/18/2012

Why are you dating a daddy when you still live with one?

by Anonymousreply 4703/18/2012

Really, OP? Maybe a gay uncle would have been more convincing. But, on the off chance that your struggles are real....

Since it's been almost eight hours, let me state the obvious: do not sleep with your father. If he sleeps with your boyfriend, you will recover. If you sleep with them both, that's a guaranteed ticket to a decade or three of therapy.

by Anonymousreply 4803/18/2012

Oh hell no. I am so doing this. There is no fucking way I'm just going to let my dad have my boyfriend like that. If he wants a threesome, he'll get a threesome. I'll do whatever it takes.

by Anonymousreply 4903/19/2012

um maryfrau at R46, grow up

by Anonymousreply 5003/19/2012

OP, is your dad hotter than your boyfriend?

by Anonymousreply 5103/19/2012

OP you could just get out of your basement and stop pulling this schtick that you also tried on the DL refugees board.

Oh are we playing along?

by Anonymousreply 5203/19/2012

hands up for age discordant relationshisps on datalounge!

my bf is 12 years younger than me....I'm 32, he's 20 and we're 2 years in.

by Anonymousreply 5303/19/2012

OP, please come back to this thread and provide some updates: Did you have the threesome with your older boyfriend and your dad? Are you and the boyfriend still dating? How are things between you and your dad these days, whether the threesome took place or not? Is your dad gay or bi? Do you think your boyfriend and your dad have had sex without you? You have a lot to tell!

Oh, if you made all this up- great job!

by Anonymousreply 5406/22/2012

Gays discount older men as partners..I don't know why because many older men are quite wealthy, settled down, not into the bar scene. The daddy/son thing is actually quite hot. As a daddy myself, I love having a hot young guy with me both in and out of the bedroom. The issue is this: Most younger gays can't relate to an older gay guy. Many say, "what are we going to talk about after we fuck". This is silly and shows the shallowness of many younger gays. It IS true that "with age comes wisdom". Most of the younger "sons" I have dated have been flighty, undependable, borderline employed, no car, and always looking for something "better" but they were all such great bottoms and the "daddy, fuck me deeper" verbal stuff during sex was so incredibly hot. Most will wind up on the "trash-heap of Life". But, c'est la vie".

by Anonymousreply 5506/22/2012

Thanks for your input into the whole older man-younger man dynamic, r55. But I still want to hear from the OP! Please, OP, come back and let us know how this all turned out for you, your boyfriend, and your dad.

by Anonymousreply 5606/23/2012

r56, there are much better porn sites for this.

by Anonymousreply 5706/23/2012

Easy-peasy. Kill your father. Problem solved!

by Anonymousreply 5806/23/2012

If you want to get technical, somebody 13 years older than you, is biologically old enough to be you father, so that statement doesn't really work OP.

by Anonymousreply 5906/23/2012

OP, Just accept it. you have been cock blocked by your much hotter Father. And bowling? Did the fact that these two older men chose to spend time together grabbing onto large balls not alert you immediately to the likely outcome? You have no choice but to have sex with your mother after watching "Tea and Sympathy"

by Anonymousreply 6006/23/2012

Dating an older man can be confusing. The other day I was blowing my 93 year old BF when suddenly my mind wandered and I thought that what I had in my mouth was a piece of beef jerky. And I bit it!

by Anonymousreply 6106/23/2012

r61=Tom Bianchi

by Anonymousreply 6206/23/2012

[quote]Gays discount older men as partners..I don't know why because many older men are quite wealthy, settled down, not into the bar scene.

Um, because many of us have dignity and well-paying jobs, and don't want to fuck gross old geezers?

[quote]Most of the younger "sons" I have dated have been flighty, undependable, borderline employed, no car, and always looking for something "better"

Well, there you go: you pretty much answered your own question. Your fallacy is assuming that this description fits most younger gay men in general, which it most certainly does not.

by Anonymousreply 6306/23/2012

OP- I haven't read any of these responses- none of this is a follow through- I am 53 my BF of three years is 21 I am a couple of years older than his Dad. He calls me "Big Daddy" and his father "Dad". To mess it up a little more I have a son a year younger than my BF.

I am fortunate that his family accepts us just the way we are and we all get along pretty good. His Dad. Thinks fairly ewell of me and his mom and I are really good friends. We all get together sometimes- not as often as any of us would like.

The dynamic of BF Daddy and biological father is sometime an issue for him (my BF))u he has been known to call his Dad "babe" on occassion. It is by anyone elses standard a Ten on the Fuckedupness scale but you learn to live with it.

Some replys will call me a liar and say this is all a big EST or fantasy but its all too real. Let me know if I can advise you on anything specific- that's what Big Daddies are for.

by Anonymousreply 6406/23/2012

I was going to say that the relationship between the 32-yr-old and 20-yr-old in R53 was probably more doomed than the OP's. Then I read R64.

by Anonymousreply 6506/23/2012

There was a guy who had a serious crush on me a year or two ago. First, he said he was in his 30s, then he confessed that he was in his mid-40s. He was sweet but I had no intention of dating him. But, what really put me off was seeing a picture of his 17-year-old son, who looked exactly like me. Totally grossed me out.

by Anonymousreply 6606/23/2012

I love Older guys too op up into their 60s,but my type is nothing like my dad so I'm safe.

by Anonymousreply 6706/23/2012
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