"Why is it always so cold in movie theaters?"
"What do you do with used banana peels?"
"Why is it always so cold in movie theaters?"
"What do you do with used banana peels?"
|by Anonymous||reply 167||01/26/2014|
I hate it when my socks bunch up when I slip on my shoes.
|by Anonymous||reply 1||01/14/2012|
Do you think Queen Elizabeth II poops and if so does a footman wipe for her?
|by Anonymous||reply 2||01/14/2012|
"Can black people get sunburned?"
"Does the Walmart brand of peanut butter, taste the same as Jif?"
|by Anonymous||reply 3||01/14/2012|
All I did was ask my supervisor what brand of tampon she uses and and now she's written me up!
I was lighting farts with a match at work and someone reported me. I'm furious because I was not doing it on work time, but during my break in the staff lunch room.
I wanted the day off but have already used up all my sick time for the year. So I called in a bomb threat hoping they'd shut down the university. Campus security just called me down to their office. Do you think I'm going to get in trouble?
|by Anonymous||reply 4||01/14/2012|
Why is it so hard to fold a fitted sheet?
|by Anonymous||reply 5||01/14/2012|
I caught Margo's dog trying to hump Tammy. Should I kick them both out ???
|by Anonymous||reply 6||01/14/2012|
R4 has me in stitches.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||01/14/2012|
I hate it when the snow blows sideways, instead of falling straight down.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||01/14/2012|
Funny, I never realized until THIS thread how much G/R/Umpy sounds like Andy Rooney.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||01/14/2012|
If you cut a Jew, does he bleed?
|by Anonymous||reply 10||01/14/2012|
Why can't I use a real mouse with my computer?
|by Anonymous||reply 11||01/14/2012|
In an attempt to imitate DL's insouciant bitchiness, I'll crap on "breast cancer whores."
Oh wait, I actually did that.
I don't always get along with my supervisor, who is a black woman. I thought I'd loosen her up a bit with the remark that Michele Obama should have a crunchy abortion. She just called me to her office. Do you think I'm about to get promoted?
|by Anonymous||reply 12||01/14/2012|
Most of these are too benign. There's an edge of anger and entitlement in Umpy's posts that goes beyond the loveable codger persona.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||01/14/2012|
I have often wondered what kind of person Umpy is in real life. How he comes off from his threads is just too exaggerated, in my opinion, to be a real person.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||01/14/2012|
I'm desperate to know what a "crunchy abortion" is. Is it a new cereal?
|by Anonymous||reply 15||01/14/2012|
If Umpy has ever gotten laid, I would be surprised.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||01/14/2012|
I'm furious with the elderly patients on oxygen using their walkers in my local clinic. Their slow movement through the corridors interferes with me racing through them when I'm late meeting my GP to talk about my hemorrhoids.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||01/14/2012|
I just got fired from my job. Now that I'm at home during the day, I think my cat hates me.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||01/14/2012|
Umpy gets a lot of shit here but he seems harmless and posts random questions or thoughts which I sometimes laugh at. At least it gets the board moving.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||01/15/2012|
R11 just destroyed me!
|by Anonymous||reply 20||01/15/2012|
You are being naive, r19. Umpy is a bigot.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||01/15/2012|
I gave my roommate a Weight Watchers membership for her birthday and now she's pissed off at me. I was only trying to give her something she needs. Should I make it up to her by getting her deodorant or new underpants?
|by Anonymous||reply 22||01/15/2012|
Best thread in a long time! I am laughing too hard. I think I'll go have a big bowl of Crunchy Abortion and milk!
|by Anonymous||reply 23||01/15/2012|
There's something about African-American women's luscious breasts that I think is so sensual and life-affirming. But I said this to my black co-worker and for some reason she filed a complaint with HR.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||01/15/2012|
Would some kind soul explain the "crunchy abortion?"
|by Anonymous||reply 25||01/15/2012|
|by Anonymous||reply 26||01/15/2012|
R25, it came from R12.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||01/15/2012|
Do Asian women prefer men with small penises since, historically, that's what they're used to?
Anything I've purchased in the refrigerator is clearly labeled, but I think my roommate has been using some of the condiments. Should I develop a pricing scheme so she can just pay me for the items she's used come rent time?
A co-worker just returned from maternity leave. She had triplets, so I asked her if it will take three times as long for her vagina to heal. She's not speaking to me, but I've heard she plans on going to HR to file a complaint.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||01/15/2012|
e27 I read that article this a.m. and the subject matter and faux naivety of it reminded me of a presumably fat, supposedly real, known troll.
|by Anonymous||reply 29||01/15/2012|
LOL @ R28
|by Anonymous||reply 30||01/18/2012|
What kind of sanitary napkins do Jewish women buy? Is it the same kind black women buy?
Also: Would you hire someone that wore ugly clothes and had bad breath? I come to work on time.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||01/18/2012|
Was Ignatius Reilly a sympathetic character?
|by Anonymous||reply 32||01/18/2012|
Mother says no more truck stop friends at holiday meals; they just bring back the scabies.
I'm modifying my mobility scooter with magazine cut-outs of strong black women - from National Geographic Africa pictorials. How do you get glue out of your hair?
Tammy is afraid of the scooter since I've rolled over her tail in the kitchen twice. How do you repair a refrigerator door?
|by Anonymous||reply 33||01/18/2012|
I'm out of cat food, so I'm feeding Tammy gold fish crackers. She's been leaving poopies on my head as I sleep for the last two nights.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||01/18/2012|
Three of my nipples hang to the right.
|by Anonymous||reply 35||01/18/2012|
I resent cashiers taking my money for groceries. They should be free.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||01/18/2012|
Would my roommate's vacuum wand attachment make me poo more efficiently?
|by Anonymous||reply 37||01/18/2012|
What causes ear wax?
|by Anonymous||reply 38||01/18/2012|
I am in tears.
|by Anonymous||reply 39||01/18/2012|
What's the difference between salted and unsalted butter?
|by Anonymous||reply 40||01/18/2012|
I've never understood the salted and unsalted butter. Can you tell the difference and is it ok to put salted butter in sweet food?
|by Anonymous||reply 41||01/18/2012|
Jesus fuck he's become a parody of himself.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||01/18/2012|
I have a 'friend' who is also confused about butter and can't use a mouse..
|by Anonymous||reply 43||01/18/2012|
What are lipstick lesbians called when they run out of the house without their lipstick on?
|by Anonymous||reply 44||01/18/2012|
Tammy's and my roommate's periods are in sync.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||01/18/2012|
If you crap your pants at the DMV during the driving portion of the test, shouldn't the testing clerk just give you a passing grade?
|by Anonymous||reply 46||01/18/2012|
Did anyone here ever get straight 'A's because their roommate in college committed suicide?
|by Anonymous||reply 47||01/18/2012|
What do you call the stuff in between your toes - I asked everyone at my old job, but no one seemed to know. They didn't want to seem to answer the question. Even when I asked them twice.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||01/18/2012|
Does Marky Mark really have a third nipple? has anyone seen it?
|by Anonymous||reply 49||01/18/2012|
Since you asked, I googled it.
The difference between salted and unsalted butter is that salt is a preservative, and therefore salted butter lasts for months longer than unsalted. When you want the freshest butter, buy unsalted. Salted butter at the grocer is frequently not as fresh or as high quality, the salt hides it.
If you are baking or cooking, different butter brands have different amounts of salt. Most recipes call for unsalted butter, so you don't accidentally oversalt.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||01/18/2012|
How do you steam a ham? Do you put it in a collander over a pot of water? Could you use an iron?
|by Anonymous||reply 51||01/18/2012|
Tammy has vag odor. Do they make feminine douches for tiny, smelly, hairy vaginas?
Should I try the Italian market?
|by Anonymous||reply 52||01/18/2012|
I have a job interview for a greeter at Walmart. Would it be okay if I wear flip-flops, tank top, and cargo shorts to the interview? I want to stand out from the others who are applying for the job.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||01/19/2012|
Othello, who is a Moor but I think he's just black, says "Send for the man." Does this mean that Shakespeare invented ebonics? Blacks take credit for it, but maybe it was really Shakespeare. I guess Shakespeare was really ahead of his time and was aware of how blacks complain about white persecution from "the man." And how does ebonics differ from jive?
Was Cleopatra also black? Shakespeare didn't seem to think that but blacks claim her. Shakespeare is usually right about things. He got Jews just right.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||01/19/2012|
Why did the chicken cross the road? No. I mean really. Why?
|by Anonymous||reply 55||01/19/2012|
Why are rabbit eggs only sold at Easter time? Why can't we buy them at other times of the year? I like the colors on the egg shelf in my refrigerator.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||01/19/2012|
What if one put (unsalted) butter on a mouse? What could one do with it then?
|by Anonymous||reply 57||01/19/2012|
I found a FlowBee in the trash and now Tammy and I have haircuts!
I wanted to give her a lion cut, but I only managed to give her an inverse mohawk.
Does Lysol work as a wound antiseptic?
|by Anonymous||reply 58||01/19/2012|
While my roommate was out, I sneaked in her room and started looking at her computer. I discovered she has a handgun on order and has bookmarked sites telling how some killers disposed of bodies. Should I be worried?
|by Anonymous||reply 59||01/19/2012|
Dental Floss: why don't restaurants provide dental floss dispensers atthe table alongside the napkins and salt? Who wants to look at person across from them with juicy chunks of food stuck in their teeth. Have you been to a restaurant with a dental floss dispensary? Also, how easy is it to floss a cat's teeth?
|by Anonymous||reply 60||01/19/2012|
This thread just highlighted the fact that Umpy is basically Jerry Seinfeld with Asperger's.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||01/19/2012|
[quote]I'm desperate to know what a "crunchy abortion" is. Is it a new cereal?
A "Crunchy abortion" is a late term abortion , when the fetuses cartilaginous tissue have already begun to calcify ( or harden ) into bones... hence the "crunchiness".
It was terrible of Michelle Obama to do that even if it was another girl.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||01/19/2012|
He's like the love child of Ralph Wiggum and David Duke.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||01/19/2012|
Why do some Mexicans and Indians insist on wearing cowboy hats? Don't they see the irony?
|by Anonymous||reply 64||01/19/2012|
Very funny thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||01/19/2012|
Re: banana peels -- no kidding, you're supposed to bury them next to your rose bushes, it keeps aphids away. I think I read this in Organic Gardening mag years ago.
|by Anonymous||reply 66||01/19/2012|
If a woman gives birth on a plane that is flying over the ocean, what is considered the baby's place of birth? The point of departure, the point of departure, or just the name of the ocean?
|by Anonymous||reply 67||01/19/2012|
Help! I have beans up my nose again and no health insurance!
|by Anonymous||reply 68||01/19/2012|
Why don't vegan restaurants have menu items for people who might eat meat? I'm tolerant of others' dietary restrictions, but I find it very rude to chastise a customer who simply expresses his preference for "pork instead of tofu."
|by Anonymous||reply 69||01/19/2012|
Did Anne Frank poop? I keep asking the Jews in my workplace and they give me strange looks.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||01/19/2012|
Lipton Tea made especially for iced tea...
Can I use it for hot?
|by Anonymous||reply 71||01/19/2012|
When Henry Ford stopped making Model T's why did he call the next model the Model A? A comes before T in the alphabet. Shouldn't he have called the new design the Model U?
|by Anonymous||reply 72||01/19/2012|
They should make gas toaster ovens. The electric kind don't cook my English muffins evenly.
|by Anonymous||reply 73||01/20/2012|
I keep my toe-jam in a small jar. Should I keep it in the fridge or is it better to keep it at room temp?
|by Anonymous||reply 74||01/20/2012|
WHET White Belt Man?
|by Anonymous||reply 75||01/20/2012|
Why do ATMs only dispense cash in multiples of 20 dollars nowadays? That ain't right.
How come lace up shoes on display in stores and catalogs are never shown with the laces tied in a bow so you can see how they look tied? The laces are always unrealistically tucked into the shoes and are almost always threaded in that weird straight across way that doesn't really represent how the shoe is supposed to look.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||01/20/2012|
Sometimes I want to contribute a funny remark to a thread or occasionaly a real-life conversation but I just can't think of anything funny or I can but its also inappropriate. Is anyone else familiar with this situation? How can one selve this problem. T.I.A.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||01/20/2012|
I'm the same way R77. Just contribute anyway like I do. Someone might just find what you wrote funny. If not, no one knows who you are!
And don't worry about being inappropriate on here. Sure, you'll probably get scolded by someone, but it will make you tougher and in turn give you more confidence.
Practice on here and see what gets the responses.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||01/20/2012|
Why do they still call it New York? It's not new anymore. Why don't they call it Old York or just York?
|by Anonymous||reply 79||01/21/2012|
"How does David Furnish sleep with Elton John?"
"Lady Gaga is a goddess"
|by Anonymous||reply 80||01/21/2012|
"If memory and emotions may be inherited through cells, does a hamburger scream when you bite into it?"
|by Anonymous||reply 81||01/21/2012|
How do you tell the difference between a queef and a fart? Recently, the lady in the cubicle beside mine lost her balance as she was sitting down. As she brusquely landed into her chair, she emitted what I initially imagined to be a fart. However, now I'm wondering if it might have actually been one of those queefs I've been reading about. How can I be sure? Does a queef smell like a fart with ichthyological highlights? I don't recall detecting any odor at all. Also, does a queef provide the same sense of relief to the vaginal canal as a fart does to the colon?
|by Anonymous||reply 82||01/22/2012|
Recently, a co-worker told me I was racist for giving her a jar of skin-lightening cream for Christmas. I told her that I meant no offense -- it was just my understanding that among black women, the standard of beauty favored a lighter skin color, and since she was black as burnt toast, I thought she might appreciate it. She told me to get out of her face, and now I've been summoned to HR. Am I going to be in trouble?
|by Anonymous||reply 83||01/22/2012|
The kead in Ting tang looks like a prettier Gaga
|by Anonymous||reply 84||01/22/2012|
Why do people pronounce Cheyene as shy-ann? It's chee-i-nee.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||01/22/2012|
Why do they call it State of the Union? What about Confederate States?
|by Anonymous||reply 86||01/25/2012|
I'm boring, jobless, and unhappy. Explain why foreign people are so inferior to me! Or tell me a night-night story!
|by Anonymous||reply 87||02/01/2012|
Why do farts smell like matches?
|by Anonymous||reply 88||02/01/2012|
My cat pooped two quarters! What should I do?
|by Anonymous||reply 89||02/01/2012|
(R78 try and keep up. R77 was doing an Umpy.)
I think Tammy's starting to talk. Her meow this morning sounded like she was saying mucous. Maybe she's getting a cold. Should I be worried?
|by Anonymous||reply 90||02/01/2012|
The woman at the employment office said I should apply for a job as a greeter at Walmart. Should I be insulted at such a suggestion?
|by Anonymous||reply 91||02/01/2012|
If my head were veal, how much would it weigh?
|by Anonymous||reply 92||02/01/2012|
I know Tammy's mouth is cleaner than mine, at least that is what I read. Should I be worried that I might make her sick if if I continue to let her lick my tongue every night before bed?
|by Anonymous||reply 93||02/01/2012|
My roommate has a yeast infection. Do you think she can bake some bread?
I don't feel she's contributing to the house enough, as she's only cleaning the entire place and washing my clothes. I think she should start baking as well.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||02/02/2012|
My cat's breath smells like cat food!
|by Anonymous||reply 95||02/03/2012|
My roommate said she'll put my name in her will if I'll do the same for her. She wants me to leave her the house in my will. Should I be concerned?
|by Anonymous||reply 96||02/03/2012|
If you were a hotdog and you were starving to death would you eat yourself?
|by Anonymous||reply 97||02/04/2012|
I can't stop smelling my own farts and assigning them a rating from 1 to 10 based on intensity of smell and length of odor. Would you like to see a graph of my fart ratings?
|by Anonymous||reply 98||02/04/2012|
I wrote to Donald Trump to let him know of my fame at Datalounge. I want him to pick me to be on the next Celebrity Apprentice.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||02/08/2012|
LOL at some of these.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||02/08/2012|
Tammy bit me pretty hard when I tried to play Pretend Bungee Jump with her. I found some antibiotic ointment from 1993, will it still work halfway? The tube is kind of covered in rusty stuff.
I met a Jewish lady today except, really strange, she had a normal nose. Do you think she tips generous or cheap in restaurants?
|by Anonymous||reply 101||02/08/2012|
Why do parents snip the umbilical cords off of their babies' stomachs? It makes me furious. I will tell people exactly what I think of them when I hear they have mutilated the defenseless epidermis of their babies. I've lost many friends over this, but I don't care.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||02/08/2012|
I'm thinking of dying Tammy's fur black. Will she still like the Taylor Swift songs I play, or will she immediately prefer hip-hop?
I saw some old pictures of Boy George. Do you think he's bisexual or straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||02/09/2012|
My colleague insists on wearing a head scarf to work. She's African American, reminds me of a stern looking Maya Angelou. I asked her "Why do you insist on wearing that head scarf? Is it because you've got that 'funny' hair?" Her eyes welled up as she briskly turned and walked away from me. It turns out she's had chemotherapy. I've just been called to the HR department. Do you think my promotion's in jeopardy?
|by Anonymous||reply 104||02/09/2012|
How many of you have tried to murder someone ? I secretly put rat poison in my co-worker's coffee mug yesterday because she had her baby circumcised, but she didn't drink it.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||02/09/2012|
Clit piercings. Why aren't they called Queen Victorias?
|by Anonymous||reply 106||02/09/2012|
Why isn't the Presidnet flying the White House flag at half staff for Whitney Houston?
|by Anonymous||reply 107||02/11/2012|
Why are they calling Whitney Houston the Queen of Poop?
|by Anonymous||reply 108||02/12/2012|
Judy Garland died at 47.
Whitney Houston died at 48.
There is a city called Garland, Texas.
There is a city called Houston, Texas.
|by Anonymous||reply 109||02/12/2012|
how long has it been since Umpy has posted?
|by Anonymous||reply 110||02/25/2012|
|by Anonymous||reply 111||04/22/2012|
WEHT Umpy and Tammy?
|by Anonymous||reply 112||05/01/2012|
Why do people get tattoos
|by Anonymous||reply 113||05/01/2012|
I don't think R59 made that up. That sounds like it was cut and pasted from a real Umpy thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||05/03/2012|
Doesn't anyone care that Umpy doesn't post anymore? What happened to him and Tammy?
|by Anonymous||reply 115||05/16/2012|
I don't care
|by Anonymous||reply 116||05/16/2012|
I've wondered where he is, r115. Maybe banned for a period again?
|by Anonymous||reply 117||05/16/2012|
This is Umpy. I'm banned from starting threads, but I can respond. I miss you people and being banned has really affected my quality of life. When I could start threads, someone would always talk to me. Margo (busybody) still lives with me and Tammy is fine.
I find myself listening to old Howard Stern clips on YouTube because I'm so lonely. Artie tells the best stories and I have a tremendous crush on him.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||05/16/2012|
I miss Umpy too
|by Anonymous||reply 119||05/16/2012|
Love you Grumpy. Stay well.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||05/16/2012|
These responses are all hysterically funny!
|by Anonymous||reply 121||05/16/2012|
Why do people at Facebook keep deleting my picture?
|by Anonymous||reply 122||05/16/2012|
Awww Umpy we have missed you. Even if you are banned from starting threads. Still go ahead and post. Someone will talk to you.
Glad Tammy is ok.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||05/16/2012|
I'm glad somebody here told me not to let Tammy get fat because she was getting tubby, but I put her on a diet. Just a small reduction in her evening meal. And she has lost weight and is more playful.
|by Anonymous||reply 124||05/16/2012|
That's cool. My old dog lost weight and is moving like a limber thing now.
|by Anonymous||reply 125||05/16/2012|
|by Anonymous||reply 126||07/13/2012|
Tammy keeps following me into the bathroom. Do you think she may be getting kinky in her old age?
|by Anonymous||reply 127||07/13/2012|
Do black people go to tanning booths?
|by Anonymous||reply 128||07/13/2012|
Where is the real Umpy?
|by Anonymous||reply 129||07/13/2012|
Didn't he get sentenced for a few months? Something about a package he left on an elevator in a college.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||07/13/2012|
Do people with pet fish ever take them on "walks" like to neighborhood fountains on fish leashes?
|by Anonymous||reply 131||07/13/2012|
Can the super morbidly obese wipe or masturbate? Is there anything to masturbate?
|by Anonymous||reply 132||07/13/2012|
Why did the woman on the bus get so upset when I wiped my nose on her shoulder? Would she have rathered I just let it run?
|by Anonymous||reply 133||07/17/2012|
lots of umpy posts tonight
|by Anonymous||reply 134||09/22/2012|
Man, this thread made me laugh until I cried and went into conniptions.
|by Anonymous||reply 135||09/22/2012|
I think he's the OP of: Today I said "Jew her (saleslady) down" in front of a Jewish acquaintance
|by Anonymous||reply 136||09/23/2012|
Why do I have to diet? I should be able to eat as much high-fat meat as I want and never exercise. So what if I'm in my 60's and over 400 lbs. If Obama gets reelected then I'll get free medical care. They'll help me lose the weight. Oh and I'm a REAL Man. I can drink a whole bottle of vodka a day. Except I had to sell my car to make my trailer payment.
|by Anonymous||reply 137||09/23/2012|
Umpy come out.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||09/23/2012|
Umpy is performing during half-time of the Super Bowl
|by Anonymous||reply 139||02/02/2013|
If there was EVER an old thread that I applaud being bumped up, this is SO it.
|by Anonymous||reply 140||02/02/2013|
Is it true that the stadium lights went out when Beyonce plugged in her cellphone to recharge it?
|by Anonymous||reply 141||02/04/2013|
Jews don't celebrate Easter, so why would one take today off...
|by Anonymous||reply 142||03/31/2013|
Bumped re: recent comparisons to a certain new poster....
|by Anonymous||reply 143||08/02/2013|
I don't understand the people here in Texas. I wanted to learn about Texas history so I went to the Alamo. When I told the lady that I want to see the basement of the Alamo, she told me to get out. Maybe I should move back to the house I bought last year instead of staying in Texas.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||08/03/2013|
Is Umpy banned or did he just give up his Umpy schtick?
|by Anonymous||reply 145||08/03/2013|
There's some funny Umpy in this thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 146||08/04/2013|
I dumpted a bottle of Stoli on the patio to be part of the boycott. A few minutes later I looked out and saw that Tammy had lapped it all up. She can't walk straight and she's snarling at me. What should I do?
|by Anonymous||reply 147||08/05/2013|
Can a hearse carrying a corpse use the carpool lane?
What is Satan's last name? Is there a Mrs. Satan?
Why are cookies called "cookies"? Shouldn't they be called "bakies"?
|by Anonymous||reply 148||08/05/2013|
Why does my mom's basement always smell so musty?
|by Anonymous||reply 149||08/05/2013|
Is 2lbs of feathers lighter than 1lb of steel?
|by Anonymous||reply 150||08/05/2013|
I want to get a coat made from pelts of cats so that I'll match Tammy when I take her out. I hope there are no PETA people around. They really get pissed about fur coats.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||08/05/2013|
I'm still alive. Texas sucks, but I'm too poor to move. I tried to get into a clinical trial that pays $5500, but I was too fat. Tammy is great, not as spastic as before. I'm glad she finally settled down. I miss being able to post as "Umpy" and I feel like some of you people were my friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 152||08/05/2013|
Glad you're back posting, Grumpy!
|by Anonymous||reply 153||08/05/2013|
Two weeks ago I was stopped for going through an orange light. Since I still have an out of state license, they gave mre 30 days to get a Texas drivers license. To get that, I have to provide my birth certificate. I've asked my mother to send it nearly every day but she always has an excuse for not doing that. I'm wondering if she's hiding something from me. If I don't get it soon, I'll have to leave Texas or go to jail.
|by Anonymous||reply 154||08/06/2013|
Is carbonated water less hydrating than regular water? I think it is because some of the space that should be water is taken up by carbon dioxide. Sparkling water stings my tongue. Why do the Jews like it so much?
|by Anonymous||reply 155||08/06/2013|
A lot of people have captured Umpy. Some of these sound as if he has returned to DL.
|by Anonymous||reply 156||08/08/2013|
Don'tyou all love me, oh I mean Roger Octopus, oh by the way, he's not me.
|by Anonymous||reply 157||08/08/2013|
I'm bumping this thread because of the Annoying and Obnoxious thread. Someone there said how much they missed Umpy and I concur. I am posting on this thread in hopes that perhaps he is still alive and he is still stalking DL and will re-join us. Perhaps he is in reduced circumstances. He was unemployed and he took in that Old woman, and there was a cat. I found it all so sinister and Fun. I miss you Umpy. Come back!
|by Anonymous||reply 158||01/25/2014|
Now that the new Pope is getting lots of good publicity, what's to stop the old Pope from coming back? He can claim he was made Pope for life and just needed a vacation.
|by Anonymous||reply 159||01/25/2014|
That was me who said that,R158.
Like I said in the other thread, he was often an ass and somewhat touched in the head....but never boring!
|by Anonymous||reply 160||01/25/2014|
Great, R160. Maybe if we wish real hard, and clap our hands three times, he'll come back. Or maybe we were supposed to click out heels three times. Or was it three shots of tequila?
|by Anonymous||reply 161||01/25/2014|
R161 I think that's what we do to summon David Ehrenstein back.
|by Anonymous||reply 162||01/26/2014|
Ehrenstein will come back if someone starts a thread about Lena Horne being a lesbian. He'll want to "in" her again.
|by Anonymous||reply 163||01/26/2014|
I hope Grumpy is well and returns.
|by Anonymous||reply 164||01/26/2014|
I was rubbing my dogs belly and I think he got a boner. Is my dog attracted to me? What if he tries to rape me in my sleep?
|by Anonymous||reply 165||01/26/2014|
Why did he take in an old lady?
|by Anonymous||reply 166||01/26/2014|
He claimed he bought a house and needed help with the payments so he said he took in a roommate. I think that was in the same time period where he claimed he lost his job at the university.
|by Anonymous||reply 167||01/26/2014|