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Let's pretend we are NPR version 5.0!

I am the daily 15-minute story on veterans trying to adjust to civilian life!

by Anonymousreply 3905/04/2013

I am the "inspirational story" of the person who was making six figures, was a senior VP at their investment company, had a family and a beautiful home, but decided that their life wasn't "fulfilling", so they quit their job, sold their home and:

a)bought an RV and drove across the country with their spouse and kid.

b)moved to some impoverished South American town to deworm orphans.

c)moved to a small village in some eastern european country, to experience "a different way of life."

By the way, "c" was actually on NPR a few weeks ago.

by Anonymousreply 111/11/2011

I'm the daily wrenching story on the plight of somebody in Afghanistan and how they're caught between the threats of the Taliban and the American military who's no help at all.

by Anonymousreply 211/11/2011

I am the days political blip of info and the thirty minute conversation with Newt Gingrich or some minor Republican Congressman from a small district in the middle of nowhere about how Obama is the source of all that is wrong.

by Anonymousreply 311/11/2011

I am the 10,000th profile on an obscure musician no one has ever heard of and doesn't care about.

by Anonymousreply 411/11/2011

I'm a celebrity that just died. My last interview with Terry Gross will re-air tomorrow.

by Anonymousreply 511/11/2011

I am Morning Edition. Instead of informing you of the previous day's news and overnight developments on your drive to work, I will spend 45 minutes discussing the intracies of various public policy quandries, such as the routing of a pipeline through environmentally sensitive areas of Nebraska.

by Anonymousreply 611/11/2011

Can someone give me a rundown on the various versions of NPR?

by Anonymousreply 711/11/2011

I'm the reporter who speaks perfect english with no accent until I say my own name.

by Anonymousreply 811/11/2011

I'm Ari Shapiro, with purses tumbling out of my mouth.

by Anonymousreply 911/11/2011

I'm an earnest reporter who gave some kids in Calcutta tape recorders to record the sounds of their daily lives. Then I adopted one.

by Anonymousreply 1011/11/2011

I'm Ari Shapiro, trying his hardest not to refer to Renee Montagne as "a fierce diva" or Obama advisor Valerie Jarrett as "a hot tranny mess."

by Anonymousreply 1111/11/2011

I'm the frighteningly soothing-voiced anchoress, who speaks of war crimes, horror in the third world, and yuppie woes with a soft murmur.

by Anonymousreply 1211/11/2011

I'm the Emergency Broadcast System.

This is a test. This station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test.

by Anonymousreply 1311/11/2011


by Anonymousreply 1411/11/2011

If this had been an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news or instructions.

by Anonymousreply 1511/11/2011

I'm a depressing 10 minute piece about an elderly widow adjusting to life without my husband.

by Anonymousreply 1611/11/2011

I'll be David Brooks in my weekly segment with E.J. Dionne, desperately trying to seem reasonable as I defend a political party with no principles, no scruples, and no serious ideas for fixing the mess that it dragged the country into in the first place.

by Anonymousreply 1711/11/2011

I am the frightened local station manager, ordering the staff to book news interviews with tea party polititions.

by Anonymousreply 1811/11/2011

I'm the awkward, yet dismissive, segment on Occupy Wall Street that only includes interviews with NPR's corporate sponsors.

by Anonymousreply 1911/11/2011

I'm a straggly-maned, bearded, flannel-sporting 23-year-old who thinks he's smart because he listens to NPR.

by Anonymousreply 2011/11/2011

I'm Sylvia Pogglioli's 45th Marlboro Red of the day.

by Anonymousreply 2111/11/2011

Oh, you jest, R20.

No one under 35 has even heard of NPR.

by Anonymousreply 2211/11/2011

I'm a teenager who wants to rip out his eardrums when I hear my parents listening to Garrison Keillor being diabolically wistful or singing one of his godawful parodies on "A Prairie Home Companion."

Maybe later I'll go out and vandalize a Lutheran church.

by Anonymousreply 2311/11/2011

I'm the $50 coffee mug you got for your donation last year.

by Anonymousreply 2411/11/2011

I work at a public radio station... oh the things I could add to this thread.

by Anonymousreply 2511/11/2011

I'm the bigot that thinks gays should not be parents, and uses the Sandusky case as a reason to talk about it.

by Anonymousreply 2611/11/2011

I'm the three minute phone interview with a quirky cowboy in Montana with a pet buffalo.

by Anonymousreply 2711/11/2011

Sounds a lot like the CBC (Canadian). In fact, I think NPR thinks it's Canadian.

by Anonymousreply 2811/11/2011

I'm the fundraiser emcee who can talk for a 1/2 hour without taking a breath because you know we depend on viewers like you to bring quality programming to viewers like you- it's viewers like you who make it all happen so please give generously or whatever you have- every dollar counts because our government funding is under attack by people who are not viewers like you, who like opera and British sitcoms and how-to shows and

by Anonymousreply 2911/11/2011

*Waves to R4.* I'm yet another story about bluegrass music. Terry's a big fan.

by Anonymousreply 3011/11/2011

I am the academic/advocate/lobbyist/moron who is given a soundbite in every story and is opposed to whatever the story is about. President Obama is visiting Asia? Here's someone who's opposed to it. Retails sales up? Here's someone who's opposed to it. Today is National Cranberry Day? Here's someone who's opposed to it.

by Anonymousreply 3111/11/2011

I'm the mighty Science Friday crushing all non-believers with my actual facts and overall awesome stories about creepy stuff living in your ears that might also be living on Neptune.

by Anonymousreply 3211/11/2011

I'm the shitty waiting room music.

by Anonymousreply 3305/04/2013

I'm Terry Gross's booker, outsourcing any intellectually important interviews to Dave Davies and padding Terry's schedule with cultural fluff to better allow her to cope with the ennui and general burnout.

by Anonymousreply 3405/04/2013

I am the clock counting down to this waste of money and airspace being shut down.

by Anonymousreply 3505/04/2013

AMPUTEE veterans, please. With TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURIES! And COURAGE!!!!!!!!!

by Anonymousreply 3605/04/2013

I'm Scott Simon bursting out in fake exaggerated bursts of laughter at something mildly amusing expressed during an interview.

Or I'm Scott Simon lowering my voice to a hushed, grave tone while interviewing someone about their darkest hour (usually about the time they lost their car keys at the mall).

Makes me cringe every time for some reason.

by Anonymousreply 3705/04/2013

(I said this before in the NPR "annoying voices" thread: the quiet, faux-caring hushed tone that Scott Simon adopts when talking about painful issues with a guest makes me think of a deeply caring uncle pedophile, making his move)

by Anonymousreply 3805/04/2013

Are you all 90 years old?

by Anonymousreply 3905/04/2013
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