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Chopped Basket

(1) Calves Brains (2) Jelly Beans (3) Canned Apple Pie Filling (4) Bleu Cheese - dessert round - chefs you have 20 minutes

by Anonymousreply 15009/07/2014

I assume we have unlimited herbs and spices at our disposal, Dr. Lecter?

by Anonymousreply 111/01/2011

Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round.

Please open your baskets.

You have raccoon; lutefisk; strawberry ice cream; a birds nest; and Lemon Pledge.

The clock has started - you have 30 minutes.

by Anonymousreply 211/01/2011

Go big or go home. You can’t play it safe.

by Anonymousreply 311/01/2011

Chefs please open your baskets, you have head cheese, gravy master, maraschino cherries and rocky mountain oysters -

by Anonymousreply 411/01/2011

Chefs, here is a protein that is basically impossible to properly cook in 20 minutes. You have 20 minutes, good luck.

by Anonymousreply 511/01/2011

This protein was barely cooked. It's raw!

by Anonymousreply 611/01/2011

Open basket, open trash, deposit contents of basket in trash.

by Anonymousreply 711/01/2011

thanks op -- i've had a terrible day. reading this was the first time i laughed all day.

by Anonymousreply 811/01/2011

This thread made me laugh out loud.

by Anonymousreply 911/01/2011

R2 made me laugh out loud.

Great thread!

by Anonymousreply 1011/01/2011

[quote] I assume we have unlimited herbs and spices at our disposal, Dr. Lecter?

As ghoulish as the basket of ingredients may sound, R1, the op was right on the money in describing a typical basket of ingredients on the Food Network cooking show, "Chopped." They really have some of the wackiest ingredients I've ever seen.

I've seen lamb hearts, rattlesnake, huitlacoche, bread in a can, chia seeds, lamb testicles, gummy teeth, black chicken (repulsive!), and much much more.

Like R8, I had a nice laugh at op's delivery!

by Anonymousreply 1111/01/2011

W&W for R2!

by Anonymousreply 1211/01/2011

I'm surprised SNL hasn't spoofed this show yet. The basket of ingredients are so absurd sometimes, and then you have the ick factor when the chefs cut themselves, and blood is everywhere.

My favorite was when this one female chef cut her finger, and then proceeded to toss her salad with a vinaigrette, using her BARE HANDS. She was like, "but the cut was so small!" Majorly gross.

Then there was the fat Asian chef who cut himself, and had to use TWO gloves because he was bleeding so badly, and then decided that he was in such a rush to plate his dish before time ran out, that he would have to stick his hands in the pan to saute his food!!!

After watching this show, you really have to wonder what some cooks are doing in the back, out of the view of customers.

by Anonymousreply 1311/01/2011

I'm a little disappointed that you just sprayed on the Lemon Pledge and didn't incorporate it into your coonfisk basket... and am I missing the strawberries?

by Anonymousreply 1411/01/2011

(1) Funyuns

(2) Prairie Dog

(3) Rose Water

(4) Wax Lips

(5) Cat Food

May the best dessert win.

by Anonymousreply 1511/01/2011

I love this thread.

by Anonymousreply 1611/01/2011

Mine is still pink in the middle.

by Anonymousreply 1711/01/2011

We have a tie!! Time for our first ever tie-breaker....

1: Laffy Taffy

2: Brazil Nuts

3: Frozen Waffles

4: Fat-Free Velveeta

5: a couple of Tic Tacs we found in Alex Guarnaschelli's handbag

GO!!

by Anonymousreply 1811/01/2011

Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round. Open your baskets.

1) Ferret livers

2) Dirt

3) Lingonberry Jam

4) Plutonium

You have thirty minutes.

GO!

by Anonymousreply 1911/01/2011

I was really looking forward to seeing what you would do with the Laffy Taffy after the creativity you showed last round, but unfortunately, all I tasted was corn-syrup, and red dye #7.

by Anonymousreply 2011/01/2011

You both have made it to the dessert round, please open your baskets. You have ... axle grease, black licorice, tinned mandarin orange segments and hot sauce.

You have 20 minutes and your time starts NOW

by Anonymousreply 2111/01/2011

R19, please try my radioactive mudpies topped with the jam and steamed livers.

by Anonymousreply 2211/01/2011

I'm here to prove to my dying mother that I made the right decision when I went to culinary school. Also I want to put Beavercreek on the map, because there is more to fine dining in outstate Ohio than Xenia.

by Anonymousreply 2311/01/2011

If I win Chopped, I will use the 10K to get more dumb tattoos.

by Anonymousreply 2411/01/2011

My only complaint with your dish is that you could have incorporated some acid or fresh lemon to cut into the richness of the coral reef slime.

by Anonymousreply 2511/02/2011

1. Mercury Poisoning

2. A Wendy's Coupon

3. An Almond

4. Zima

5. A Sarcophagus

by Anonymousreply 2611/02/2011

R23, I enjoyed the texture of the mud pie, but I feel you didn't repurpose the lingonberry jam in an illuminating manner, and your treatment of the ferret livers, though they were perfectly cooked, with the basil, battery acid, and lime Jello you used, did not mesh well with the identity of the rest of the dish.

Also, the glow factor in your use of the plutonium was a bit of a let down.

by Anonymousreply 2711/02/2011

I did mean R22. I was distracted by the careless presentation.

by Anonymousreply 2811/02/2011

1. A Turtle Head

2. An Arch Deluxe

3. Sumac

4. Pogs

5. Gold Leaf

by Anonymousreply 2911/02/2011

NO RED ONIONS EVER!!!

by Anonymousreply 3011/02/2011

Sorry, tubby, tattooed, hot-shot molecular gastronomist from Brooklyn, we haven't had a chick win for a few episodes, so this one is going to the Vermont elderlez with a mustache who runs an organic, free-range catering business.

by Anonymousreply 3111/02/2011

I love the way you coaxed out the rich flavor and texture of the Brazilian Sweet Potato, but I have to point out that you failed to properly clean it. I found three hairs in my first bite alone. (Camera pans in to three hairs on the edge of the plate.)

by Anonymousreply 3211/02/2011

R22, I also enjoyed the mud pie, though it could have used some more heat -- maybe some chipolte, habanero or even Bhut Jolokia in the lingonberry sauce. You relied on the plutonium to deliver the goods, but it seemed a bit too tame. I don't mind the fact that dish wasn't as luminescent as Zachary wanted, and your ferret livers made me cum in my pantalones.

by Anonymousreply 3311/02/2011

I'm going to disagree with my colleagues. I thought the texture of the mud pie was pretty gritty, and the lingonberry jam on top was just too cloying.

It would have worked better if you had used the sweet of the jam with the ferret livers, some smokey bacon, and maybe some used motor oil. One of my livers is half raw, by-the-way, though with the plutonium garnish, I suppose that doesn't matter too much. All-in-all, an improvement over the appetizer round.

by Anonymousreply 3411/02/2011

Did I miss the Spleen round?

by Anonymousreply 3511/02/2011

(1) A Cummerbund

(2) Old Bay Seasoning

(3) Rooster Cones

(4) A Tangelo

(5) Cloven Hooves

by Anonymousreply 3611/02/2011

Desert round: dried plankton, candied cigarettes, jet fuel, camel toes,

by Anonymousreply 3711/02/2011

You know we hated the green peppers you used in the appetizer round, and yet you used them again in the entree, and they just overpower the smoked oysters. You were very creative with your use of the dried yak tongue, but you forgot the protein on two of our plates, so we had to chop you.

by Anonymousreply 3811/02/2011

R29, thank you. I love a good joke about pogs!

by Anonymousreply 3911/02/2011

Haha R14.

Thank you for telling me the correct name for Maneet Chauhan. For the longest time, I have been calling her "arti," from that arti party show.

by Anonymousreply 4011/02/2011

I'm Alex Guarnaschelli's hard, cold stare, used when ever a contestant has spoken back to her to explain why the duck testicles weren't completely cooked.

by Anonymousreply 4111/02/2011

Gelatin, molasses, Comté, bubblegum, peanuts. You have 30 minutes.

by Anonymousreply 4211/02/2011

Chefs, Ted is in hospital, having been stabbed up by last week's contestant who didn't appreciate being quizzed with 1:20 left and his nutria steaks still raw.

I am your guest host, Carl Linnaeus. Please open your baskets. Your ingredients for the appetizer round:

[italic]Atropa belladonna[/italic] leaves and berries

[italic]Felis catus[/italic] tails and rear paws

[italic]Rattus rattus[/italic] fetuses

Greek yogurt

by Anonymousreply 4311/02/2011

bump

by Anonymousreply 4411/02/2011

Chefs, you must celebrate local hipster foods by preserving and revitalizing hipster sustainable food, fishing, and agricultural traditions. If you fail to do so, you will be chopped!

by Anonymousreply 4511/02/2011

Chefs. The two of you have survived to make it to the dessert round. The winner will win ten thousand dollars.

You must use all the ingredients in your basket. Chefs, please open your baskets.

Your ingredients include: Chum; marshmallow fluff; durian; anchovies; and a blindfold (which must be worn.)

You have 30 minutes.

by Anonymousreply 4611/02/2011

Chef Ron Ben-Israel presiding for the dessert round. Your ingredients are:

Ghost Peppers

High Fructose Corn Syrup

Mustard greens

Green apples

You must have one hand tied behind your back for this challenge. You have thirty minutes (a generous amount of time, you will agree). GO!

by Anonymousreply 4711/02/2011

I caramelized the apples in the high fructose syrup just like my sister sister use to do - she died of cancer. (tears start to well) I'm here for her!

by Anonymousreply 4811/02/2011

Some of the cleverest posts in a long time.

Or are they verbatim from the show?

by Anonymousreply 4911/02/2011

R46 cracked me up!

by Anonymousreply 5011/03/2011

l

by Anonymousreply 5111/03/2011

Well who doesn't, R39?

by Anonymousreply 5211/03/2011

I must commend you on the way you incorporated the cheeee-lays into the dessert.

by Anonymousreply 5311/03/2011

Anyone see a recent episode where one of the chef-contestants also fancied herself a comedian? One of the ingredients was black chicken and, when they got to the tasting portion for that round, I think it was Alex Guarnaschelli who asked the woman if she could do an impression of a black chicken. She responded by clucking a rap song. I shit you not.

by Anonymousreply 5411/03/2011

Shows like this are impossible to parody.

by Anonymousreply 5511/03/2011

Ramps. I still don't get ramps.

by Anonymousreply 5611/03/2011

Chefs please open your baskets, you have

1.A Mulatto

2.An Albino

3.A Mosquito

4.My Libido

5. A loaded gun

by Anonymousreply 5711/03/2011

Chef Swansdown.

The judges admired your use of the ingredients, the layering of flavors through your selection of herbs and spices, and your presentation.

However, adding your own blood from your severed finger and calling the chorizo "blood sausage" rendered your dish inedible.

Chef Swansdown, you have been Chopped.

by Anonymousreply 5811/03/2011

Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round. Open your baskets.

1) McRib

2) Diet Yoo Hoo

3) After birth

4) Doritos

You have thirty minutes.

GO!

by Anonymousreply 5911/04/2011

What you have done with this is sublime, but if only you had made more of a feature of the stink of the durian fruit.

by Anonymousreply 6011/04/2011

I love this thread! It says something (I'm not sure what) that these parodies are only one or two degrees more "out there" from what's actually being broadcast.

by Anonymousreply 6111/04/2011

That's my point, Torta.

by Anonymousreply 6211/04/2011

Chef Claire ... Chef Cheryl ... Chef Nan. Congratulations, you have advanced to the entree round. Please open your baskets. Your mandatory ingredients for this round are ... stale bread, durian, Limburger cheese, and nutloaf. You have 20 minutes, and your time starts NOW.

by Anonymousreply 6311/04/2011

Chefs. Today's special challenge is called Show Some Gumption, with our special guest judge: Mamie Gummer (we wanted M, who was unavailable. Whaddya want, this is Chopped, not Top Chef.)

You must use all the ingredients in your basket. Chefs, please open your baskets.

Your ingredients include:

Sweet Sorghum

Gumbotil

Gummy Sharks

Legumes

Preserved Thingumabob

You have 30 minutes. Go!

by Anonymousreply 6411/04/2011

Chef Rico ... Chef Liam ... Chef Lauren. Congratulations, you have advanced to the entree round. Please open your baskets. Your mandatory ingredients for this round are ...

Almond butter, quahog, cell phone battery, and Jai Rodriguez, forgotten star of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."

You have 30 minutes, and your time starts NOW.

by Anonymousreply 6511/04/2011

Chef Liam..Chef Rico. Congratulations, you have made it to the dessert round due to your superior extractions from Jai Rodriguez. Chef Lauren will be scheduled for another show due to Mr. Rodriguez refusing access to his body during the entree round. Your ingredients are:

Parsnips

Nutmeg

starfruit

limburger cheese

by Anonymousreply 6611/04/2011

WHY ARE THERE RAW ONIONS IN MY NUTMEG CRUSTED PARSNIP CREME TART WITH LIMBURGER COOKIE CRUST, CHEF RICO?!

by Anonymousreply 6711/04/2011

Maneet Chauhan: "Dolphin sperm is quite a delicacy, but it's a bit tricky to work with."

Tim Allen: "Dolphin sperm? Are you shitting me?"

by Anonymousreply 6811/04/2011

I really like what you did with the raccoon fur, I think you really thought outside the box by frying it, but I'm not getting any of the plutonium at all.

by Anonymousreply 6911/04/2011

Chopped is about two small steps away from being Junkyard Wars in the kitchen. Force them to forage for ingredients in a Food Lion and I think you're pretty much there.

by Anonymousreply 7011/04/2011

R57, your number 5 should've been the word 'Yeah'!

by Anonymousreply 7111/04/2011

Chef Wheezer, Chef Tootie... you have made it to the dessert round. Please open your baskets. Your mandatory ingredients are:

Exlax Choclate bars

Oatmeal

dried apricots

dandelion leaves

You have thrity minutes, your time starts now!

by Anonymousreply 7211/05/2011

(In a whisper to the other judges).

I'm really worried about Chef Babar. He hasn't even begun cooking the snoot,let alone the candy corn and there are only 2 minutes left!

by Anonymousreply 7311/05/2011

I wonder if Ted ever gets a little nerd boner when he tells the chefs to open their baskets.

by Anonymousreply 7411/05/2011

Judges, you may think my dessert was the weakest, but let me remind you that I am a recovering alcoholic, my sister died of cancer and I just found out before the taping of this show that my mother was in a terrible car accident. Just sayin'.

by Anonymousreply 7511/05/2011

Chef Wilson: "Today i've prepared for you chupacabra braised in a mixture of grape jelly and my own tears on a bed of quinoa cooked in tomato soup... With a penut butter gastrique."

Alex Guarnichelli: "Chef Wilson, while I love chupacabra and cook it almost daily, the use of your own tears added a tragic saltiness..... That really complimented the jelly. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any gastrique on my plate."

by Anonymousreply 7611/05/2011

I open the basket and I see horse ass and I'm like "damn I never use horse ass". So, I decide to stick to my Southern roots and chicken fry it. And I'll use the frissee like the greens. I think I got this one."

by Anonymousreply 7711/05/2011

Judge Guarnichelli, I apologize. I ran out of time to complete my plates when I set myself on fire.

I do want to note that none of my fellow chefs had the decency to put me out. And I hope you noted that Chef Mecuri doused me in bourbon, set the flames anew, put me out with fresh lemon and screamed OPAH!

by Anonymousreply 7811/05/2011

I just wet my pants.

by Anonymousreply 7911/06/2011

Great thread.

by Anonymousreply 8011/06/2011

On a side note, have you seen Alex Guarnichelli competing to be the next Iron Chef?

She's not doing very well (although she has outlasted Spike Mendelsohn from "Top Chef"). And her lack of sense of humor doesn't help. If she gets eliminated soon, I don't know how she'll be able to hold up her head the next time she's at the Chopping Block. No one will take her criticism seriously.

by Anonymousreply 8111/06/2011

I hate her, R81. She seems like a huge bitch. You can be serious and critical without seeming like a huge asshole. She seems like a huge asshole.

by Anonymousreply 8211/06/2011

R82, I don't think Alex is a bitch, just intense. I saw an episode of a some cooking show she once hosted and enjoyed her personality a great deal - relaxed and informed. The episode itself was interesting in that she really cooked and baked, explaining that the food was going to take all day to be prepared - fascinating.

The judge from Chopped I cannot stand is Aaron Sanchez - I really got to dislike him when he and three other Chopped judges participated in and episode of Chopped last season. He was insufferable (my mother this, my son that, blah, blah, blah - awful).

Now - back your baskets! who wants to add ingredients to the duck testicles I've got in the fridge just waiting to be cooked?

by Anonymousreply 8311/06/2011

I would to explore Chris Santos' taint.

Very thoroughly.

by Anonymousreply 8411/06/2011

Well Ted, this is a very special "Chopped" for me as a contestant as today is the anniversary of my father's death, it's y birthday and I am also in remission for brain cancer. So just to be here means a lot to me.

I don't say this to influence the judges' decision. I just want to compete hard and hopefully win the 10K to help get my house out of foreclosure and pay for my son's operation.

by Anonymousreply 8511/06/2011

[quote] The judge from Chopped I cannot stand is Aaron Sanchez - I really got to dislike him when he and three other Chopped judges participated in and episode of Chopped last season. He was insufferable (my mother this, my son that, blah, blah, blah - awful).

Don't criticize my heritage or my family. I'm a Mexi-CAN, not a Mexi-CAN'T.

by Anonymousreply 8611/06/2011

R36 made me snort

by Anonymousreply 8711/06/2011

[quote]She seems like a huge bitch.

I'm pretty sure the producers are paying all of the judges to cunt it up more than usual. They want to bring the drama and they really go over the top with the cuntiness. I mean, some poor schmuck who is a assistant fry cook at a bar and grill in Newark has just spent 15 minutes trying to make a dinner out of rabbit ears, dental floss and tic tacs and the judges love to slam the portion size or the fact that they can't taste enough of the floss.

I loved when the judges competed, all cuntiness went out the window and it was a big freakin love fest.

by Anonymousreply 8811/06/2011

Chefs: Welcome to the Special cooking with liquor episode of Chopped. We are doing this now that the judges have recovered from one contestants disastrous overuse of chocolate Ex-Lax earlier in the month. The contestant was supposed to use 1/15th teaspoon in his recipe. Instead, he used fifteen boxes of Ex-Lax. Chef Santos wants me to emphasize your always cooking from a recipe. Chef Sanchez--remember your pay please! Chef Chauhan--please quit crying! There. Now, your ingredients for the entree round are:

Grappa (a fine European liquor that can be used as furniture polish)

Blue Cabbage

Shark tripe

Marionberries

You have thirty minutes. GO!

by Anonymousreply 8911/06/2011

R86, I love you - I HATE the way Aaron Sanchez' name is pronounced with the rolled "r" sound in his first name.

So effing pretentious.

Ted, you should know better.

by Anonymousreply 9011/06/2011

Has anyone ever notice that when Alex get's up she has the biggest ass - you could show a movie on it, it's quite shocking!

by Anonymousreply 9111/07/2011

Chefs, you have made it to the dessert round. Please open your baskets.

Your mandatory ingredients are:

1) Hot chile sauce

2) Marshmallow Peeps

3) Daikon radishes

4) Alex Guarnichelli's pear-shaped ass.

Your have forty minutes for this round to allow for the extra processing time required for the final ingredient. Time starts NOW!

by Anonymousreply 9211/07/2011

Alex G is one nervous nelly, but she did win the ballpark challenge.

Irvine and Chiarello made up the bottom 2 and then Irvine lost to Chiarello in the peanut challenge.

by Anonymousreply 9311/08/2011

Chefs, please open your baskets. You have:

1. Eye of newt, 2. Toe of frog, 3. Wool of bat, and 4. Tongue of dog...

You have 30 minutes.

Go!

by Anonymousreply 9411/08/2011

bump

by Anonymousreply 9511/09/2011

Everyone in my family has died within the last week. I'm doing it for the..... *sniff* children. I've created a dirt compote with a lingonberry souffle and have created small candy based tombstones for your dining pleasure. Enjoy!

by Anonymousreply 9611/09/2011

Chefs: Welcome to the appetizer round. Here are your four ingredients:

Lard

Live Lobsters

Orange Soda

Popcorn

You have twenty minutes;GO

by Anonymousreply 9711/10/2011

I honestly didn't know rose petals were edible....

something to keep in mind if I'm ever homeless.

by Anonymousreply 9811/10/2011

OP here - I've enjoyed this thread - I had a bad day as well, and was unwinding watching chopped on hulu..... and getting mad at the judges - but honestly I don't know what it is about Ted but I have such a hard on for him it's unreal - if the camera stays on him for to long it's like watching porn.....

by Anonymousreply 9911/13/2011

OP, I'm looking forward to the Very Special Thanksgiving Episode of Chopped coming up this Tuesday. I'm guessing it will be something like this:

Chefs, you must prepare your version of a traditional Thanksgiving feast. Please open your baskets. You must use:

1) A fresh, whole pumpkin.

2) A live turkey

3) Blackstrap molasses

4) A Wampanoag Indian moccasin

You have thirty minutes. Time starts NOW!

by Anonymousreply 10011/13/2011

Chef Stumblebum, your use of the whole pumpkin was inventive, but underbaked. You also forgot to remove the pumpkin seeds and cut off the stem. Now, really, how do we eat raw, live turkey. The use of turkey urine just does Not work with the canned chicken & noodles--and by the way, the noodles are still crunchy! The blackstrap molasses and a 400 year Wampanoag moccasin, donated by the Smithsonian Institute, create an interesting tasting crumble. Due to the use of raw turkey, you are Chopped!

by Anonymousreply 10111/13/2011

To be fair Chef Freitag, the cotton/poly blend sheet was difficult to transform into Moose Snoot en Papillote, and I thought I executed it as well as I could.

by Anonymousreply 10211/13/2011

This is the annual Ultimate Thanksgiving Challenge, featuring Chefs Sanchez, Zakarian,& Santos. Your ingredients for the appetizer round (one courtesy of the Lashingate Museum) are:

Blue Corn

One Pilgrims Hat, circa 1620

Gooseberries

Peking Duck

Your time starts NOW!

by Anonymousreply 10311/14/2011

Chefs, because three of your ingredients are alive, you have an additional fifteen minutes to prepare your Turducken.

by Anonymousreply 10411/16/2011

Well, Chris/R101--may I call you Chris?

Just as Thanksgiving is a time to honor the disparate groups that came together to share Nature's bounty in a wild, untamed country, I believe it is important to [italic]honor[/italic] the basket ingredients, not so transform them you can't tell how they started out.

I also wanted you to have the [italic]authentic[/italic] experience of a 17th-century European encountering entirely foreign, entirely [italic]AMERICAN[/italic] foods for the first time. I rather doubt Mrs. Squanto had time to remove ALL the pumpkin seeds and pulp before serving it, and I suspect more than one Pilgrim had to take his live turkey into his own hands on that day.

I also think my one moccasin crumble was more inventive than any entire dish the other chefs presented. I deserve to advance to the dessert round, albeit one judge short.

by Anonymousreply 10511/16/2011

(Chef Santos)--Chef Stumblebum; I re.. (Alex Guarnaschelli stands & screeches--You Incompetent Oaf, how DARE you serve Me TURKEY URINE. You think this axe is just a decoration--Now GET OUT or You'll REALLY be CHOPPED!!!

(Grabs axe off wall and chases Chef Stumblebum down the stairs)

(Ted)--That may be the most incisive critique ever leveled at a contestant. We'll be right back after these messages.

First commercial is a public service announcement on how to decapitate turkeys.

by Anonymousreply 10611/17/2011

bumpity bump bump

by Anonymousreply 10711/19/2011

I'm not ready to go home. I came here to win.

by Anonymousreply 10811/19/2011

Welcome to the Holiday edition of Chopped. Your judges are Chris Santos, Aaron Sanchez, & Mrs. Neely, subbing for Alex, who has been given time off from her duties. You know the rules. You have 20 minutes for the appetizer round. Chefs, please open your baskets. Your ingredients are:

Reindeer tripe

jelly beans

Fig leaves

Limes.

Begin!

by Anonymousreply 10911/30/2011

I stand by my jelly bean fig tripe casserole with lime garnish. I don't think the sage overwhelmed it at all.

by Anonymousreply 11011/30/2011

Chefs. Congratulations on making it to the entree round of this very special Betty Ford Center challenge.

Please open your baskets. The ingredients are:

Dolls.

Rotgut (please note you must use the brown paper bag in your presentation.)

Live bees.

A canned ham.

And a stomach pump.

Chefs. You may utilize our pantry, refrigerators, and our pharmacy for the dolls of your choice.

You have thirty minutes.

by Anonymousreply 11111/30/2011

a WHOLE chicken in a CAN!

by Anonymousreply 11212/01/2011

Chefs: I present for your approval Rosemary roasted canned chicken stuffed with ham slices with extraction of bee honey sauteed in Rotgut. The doll head was snapped off and simmered in a concoction of pineapple and lemon. The stomach pump is presented in the rotgut sack as it may need to be readily available after partaking of this delicious entree. I will need medical attention, as I was stung 1000 times while cooking!

by Anonymousreply 11312/01/2011

Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round. Please open your baskets, you have

1.Talcum Powder 2.Cruex 3.Armadillo testicles 4.A bolo tie 5.Pop Rocks

You have thirty minutes.

GO!

by Anonymousreply 11412/01/2011

I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. Best thread in forever ! Reminds me of the DL of old.

by Anonymousreply 11512/01/2011

Chopped is my favorite show on the Food Network but now I'll never be able to watch it without thinking of this great thread.

by Anonymousreply 11612/01/2011

Well, I've never cooked with bolo tie before but if I put some raspberry jam in with it and simmer with some white wine, it'll go well with the armadillo balls......

by Anonymousreply 11712/01/2011

Chefs: My dish is what I call Les Balles de Cruex. I powdered the balls in Cruex and created a creamy gravy with talcum powder. I simmered the bolo tie in tomatoes and chilies; the garnish is Pop Rocks, which leaves a nice, fresh, fruity flavor.

Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 11812/01/2011

Judge Neely--"what you call "creamy gravy" we generally use for wallpaper paste. And every chef knows armadillo balls need to be kneaded before cooking for seven and one half minutes. Everyone knows you sautee them, not just dump them into a deep fryer, as you did. Your salsa was interesting, but the bolo tie was inedible. And you just scattered Pop Rocks over your dish like they were BacoBits. For the enumerated reasons, you are Chopped! Now don't make me grab that axe like Alex did--you KNOW I have a temper, as well as PMS!"

by Anonymousreply 11912/01/2011

Chef, I enjoyed the testicles and was pleased with your restraint of the Cruex. However, I think the gravy was a bit too clovying wity such a delicate meat. I didn't get the Cruex at all, but the Pop Rocks did impart a flavor I didn't expect. Overall, very interesting.

by Anonymousreply 12012/01/2011

Chef, I enjoyed the Armadillo but found the bolo tie without the appropriate seasoning and a bit 'stringy' despite the marinade.

I couldn't taste the Cruex at all, despite the Pop Rocks. Your appetizer dish of chicken beak and liver dumplings made me look to so much more. I had hoped this would have been better....

had you put my Mom's mole sauce on it!

by Anonymousreply 12212/01/2011

Cranberries.

Cocktail sauce.

1 week old turkey carcass.

Cilantro.

Pie crust.

by Anonymousreply 12312/01/2011

Chef r113: Before you seek needed medical attention, I must commend you on your dish. The use of the basket ingredients is masterful, and the combination of flavors sublime. I would never have thought of adding the canned chicken and enhancing it with ham and fresh honey with a rotgut gastrique. To coax such delicious honey from so many angry bees,at great peril to your life,must be taught in culinary schools from now until the end of time.

The whimsy of the Stomach Pump En Papillote is a work of art if not the mark of genius.

However,before you lose consciousness,I have a small critique. I had hoped that the ingredient and the reference to the pharmacy would lead you to recognize that Dolls means pharmaceuticals, not "Dolls". As delicious as the doll head is.

Therefore Chef r113, you have been chopped.

by Anonymousreply 12412/01/2011

What's the difference between Chopped and Iron Chef? They sound like the same show to me. I stopped watching Food Network when it became crappy reality shows instead of real cooking shows.

I only check for new episodes of Ina or Good Eats or Giada. Hell even Paula is better than the reality shows or that Guy guy who seems to be on at least half the day and I can't stand Paula. I don't even know if Good Eats is still in production or if Brown only does the Iron Chef. HGTV has gone to shit as well and Hallmark is showing

by Anonymousreply 12512/01/2011

BUTTER!!! I NEED ME SOME BUTTER.....DEEP FRY IT FOR ME, BOBBY!

by Anonymousreply 12612/01/2011

Chefs, please open your boxes. The ingredients are:

* Mechanically-separated chicken paste * Orange zest * Wrigley's Spearmint Gum * Balut eggs * Semen

But there's a twist! You must harvest the semen, and it can't be your own. This should make it interesting, don't you think Marc?

by Anonymousreply 12712/01/2011

Chefs:

For the appetizer round you must use the following ingredients:

1. Dryer lint

2. Vanilla ice cream

3. Used motor oil (let's think green here, Chefs!)

4. Unripe Apricots

5. Ground beef

You have 20 minutes! GO!

by Anonymousreply 12812/02/2011

Judge Aarrrooooon--Your use of the ground beef with vanilla ice cream sauce with essence of dryer lint is interesting. Your use of ghost chilies with unripened apricots with just a smear of used motor oil on the side is odd--especially as you were instructed to use the motor oil only as an ERRRSSence, and you all were told to plate the motor oil separately! For trying to poison the judges panel, you are CHOPPED!

by Anonymousreply 12912/02/2011

Judge Aarrrooooon - I was aiming for a more savory version of cotton candy using the dryer lint and ice cream. I wanted to incorporate the motor oil in an interesting way that would enhance the flavors of the dryer lint and ice cream.

The ghost chilis were almost an after-thought but then I said "why not?" I thought that the unripe apricots would be super if heated with the motor oil and I'm sorry I missed the mark.

I think for the creativity and blending of flavors I should move on to the entree course.

Thank you Chef Aarrrooooon.

by Anonymousreply 13012/02/2011

Judge Gina Neely; You have already been Chopped, Chef [130]; now, don't make me have to get this da**ed axe out of the wall! Now, scoot!

Ted--"Listen to her, she's not kidding"

Judge Gina--"Someone get this ax out of the ****ing wall! It's stuck!

by Anonymousreply 13112/02/2011

Chef Papillon, Chef Cirquette; you have made it to the dessert round. Your ingredients are:

Turkey gizzards

Candy canes

Frozen hash browns

Seaweed

You have thirty minutes to complete your dish. Begin!

by Anonymousreply 13212/05/2011

1) Cak

2) Graxy

3) Mandingo Cheese

4) Turkey meatballs

You have 30 minutes.

by Anonymousreply 13312/13/2011

Chef Pelham, Chef Sothern: You have made it to the Dessert round, due to your good manners. Chef Khugthorn was Chopped due to his attempt to milk Judge Neely against his will. The fool who mixed up the film Mandingo with Manchego cheese has been fired. Your ingredients:

Llama steaks

Cherry Italian Ice

Starfish

Gingerbread houses

You have thirty minutes. Go!

by Anonymousreply 13412/13/2011

This is the funniest thread EVER!

by Anonymousreply 13512/17/2011

"I didn't really taste the ginger snap in Tina's farina" is one of the filthiest things I've ever heard uttered and it came from this show.

by Anonymousreply 13612/28/2011

Tina should have worn gloves to handle the sea food since she was allergic.

I wanted the big black guy to win. He touched my heart with his devotion to his late father.

They all got pissed at him for using the truffle sauce. Jesus, big fucking deal. Those judges suck.

Now they got a guy on the next chopped who's had cancer 5 times, poor guy.

This one is for 50 grand.

by Anonymousreply 13712/28/2011

When I looked over at Chef Jamie's plate and saw he'd basically just thrown the 9/11 memorial dust on top of a plain possum pancake as if it were confetti, I knew I'd nailed it.

by Anonymousreply 13812/28/2011

I'm really not tasting the grit from the 9/11 memorial dust. I think you just basically drowned it with the caramelized tripe. But I love the possum bone marrow stock. That was really creative.

by Anonymousreply 13912/28/2011

I have to disagree. I thought the 9/11 memorial dust added texture and nuance to the possum hash. The Smuckers grape jelly gastrique also added a playful touch.

But I did find a a possum whisker in my hash, and that is simply unacceptable for a chef at your level. *gong of disapproval*

by Anonymousreply 14012/28/2011

I em seeck to det uv 9/11 dust, I kennot tell you how mooch! But I weel say det you hev dun a nice job weeth it in thees chiz spread!

by Anonymousreply 14112/28/2011

Welcome back to the special Iowa Caucus edition of Chopped.

Chefs, you have survived the appetizer round and now proceed to the entree round. As you know, you must use all the ingredients in your basket. You may use the Chopped pantry and regrigenator.

Chefs, please open your baskets. Your ingredients include:

Iowa Spencer County pork chops.

Iowa grown field corn.

Iowa chicken lips.

A video tape of "The Music Man", and

Santorum.

You have 30 minutes.

by Anonymousreply 14201/03/2012

I thought chef Arrrrron was my least favorite judge, but then I saw Chris Santos. He is the most miserable SOB on that show. He has to find something wrong with everything. I'd like to see him come up with something edible in 20 minutes after being handed wasabi peas, raw venison, red licorice whips and caramel popcorn.

by Anonymousreply 14301/07/2012

Appetizer round - chefs open your baskets. You have: Ambergris Smegma Chitterlings Strawberry Quick

GO!

by Anonymousreply 14401/07/2012

Why is it that every lesbian chef on this show must talk endlessly about her partner. Just cook your food and STFU! Nobody cares!

by Anonymousreply 14501/07/2012

Chef Aarrron is covered in ink. Not pretty.

by Anonymousreply 14601/07/2012

Chris Santos seems like a nice guy. Scott Conant is the one who always has to find fault in every dish. Aside from Chef Alex, the female judges are less critical than their male counterparts.

by Anonymousreply 14701/08/2013

Hostess Sno-Balls Raw chicken livers PAM vegetable spray Beets Pimento loaf

by Anonymousreply 14801/08/2013

in this round you have magic johnson's used condoms durien that yellow crusty stuff from the corner of your mouth when you sleep ectoplasm farts

you have 10 minutes

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

by Anonymousreply 14905/13/2014

Welcome to Chopped Ultimate Champions! Top prize: $50,000 and an unspecified car because we're still seeking a sponsor even as we film.

Open your baskets, champions! For the appetizer round:

Lamb vindaloo

2 Cadbury Easter eggs

Earl Grey tea

A Summer's Eve Endless Summer douche

Your 20 minutes starts NOW!

by Anonymousreply 15009/07/2014
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