(1) Calves Brains (2) Jelly Beans (3) Canned Apple Pie Filling (4) Bleu Cheese - dessert round - chefs you have 20 minutes
|by Anonymous||reply 151||07/14/2015|
I assume we have unlimited herbs and spices at our disposal, Dr. Lecter?
|by Anonymous||reply 1||11/01/2011|
Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round.
Please open your baskets.
You have raccoon; lutefisk; strawberry ice cream; a birds nest; and Lemon Pledge.
The clock has started - you have 30 minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 2||11/01/2011|
Go big or go home. You can’t play it safe.
|by Anonymous||reply 3||11/01/2011|
Chefs please open your baskets, you have head cheese, gravy master, maraschino cherries and rocky mountain oysters -
|by Anonymous||reply 4||11/01/2011|
Chefs, here is a protein that is basically impossible to properly cook in 20 minutes. You have 20 minutes, good luck.
|by Anonymous||reply 5||11/01/2011|
This protein was barely cooked. It's raw!
|by Anonymous||reply 6||11/01/2011|
Open basket, open trash, deposit contents of basket in trash.
|by Anonymous||reply 7||11/01/2011|
thanks op -- i've had a terrible day. reading this was the first time i laughed all day.
|by Anonymous||reply 8||11/01/2011|
This thread made me laugh out loud.
|by Anonymous||reply 9||11/01/2011|
R2 made me laugh out loud.
|by Anonymous||reply 10||11/01/2011|
[quote] I assume we have unlimited herbs and spices at our disposal, Dr. Lecter?
As ghoulish as the basket of ingredients may sound, R1, the op was right on the money in describing a typical basket of ingredients on the Food Network cooking show, "Chopped." They really have some of the wackiest ingredients I've ever seen.
I've seen lamb hearts, rattlesnake, huitlacoche, bread in a can, chia seeds, lamb testicles, gummy teeth, black chicken (repulsive!), and much much more.
Like R8, I had a nice laugh at op's delivery!
|by Anonymous||reply 11||11/01/2011|
W&W for R2!
|by Anonymous||reply 12||11/01/2011|
I'm surprised SNL hasn't spoofed this show yet. The basket of ingredients are so absurd sometimes, and then you have the ick factor when the chefs cut themselves, and blood is everywhere.
My favorite was when this one female chef cut her finger, and then proceeded to toss her salad with a vinaigrette, using her BARE HANDS. She was like, "but the cut was so small!" Majorly gross.
Then there was the fat Asian chef who cut himself, and had to use TWO gloves because he was bleeding so badly, and then decided that he was in such a rush to plate his dish before time ran out, that he would have to stick his hands in the pan to saute his food!!!
After watching this show, you really have to wonder what some cooks are doing in the back, out of the view of customers.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||11/01/2011|
I'm a little disappointed that you just sprayed on the Lemon Pledge and didn't incorporate it into your coonfisk basket... and am I missing the strawberries?
|by Anonymous||reply 14||11/01/2011|
(2) Prairie Dog
(3) Rose Water
(4) Wax Lips
(5) Cat Food
May the best dessert win.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||11/01/2011|
I love this thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 16||11/01/2011|
Mine is still pink in the middle.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||11/01/2011|
We have a tie!! Time for our first ever tie-breaker....
1: Laffy Taffy
2: Brazil Nuts
3: Frozen Waffles
4: Fat-Free Velveeta
5: a couple of Tic Tacs we found in Alex Guarnaschelli's handbag
|by Anonymous||reply 18||11/01/2011|
Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round. Open your baskets.
1) Ferret livers
3) Lingonberry Jam
You have thirty minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||11/01/2011|
I was really looking forward to seeing what you would do with the Laffy Taffy after the creativity you showed last round, but unfortunately, all I tasted was corn-syrup, and red dye #7.
|by Anonymous||reply 20||11/01/2011|
You both have made it to the dessert round, please open your baskets. You have ... axle grease, black licorice, tinned mandarin orange segments and hot sauce.
You have 20 minutes and your time starts NOW
|by Anonymous||reply 21||11/01/2011|
R19, please try my radioactive mudpies topped with the jam and steamed livers.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||11/01/2011|
I'm here to prove to my dying mother that I made the right decision when I went to culinary school. Also I want to put Beavercreek on the map, because there is more to fine dining in outstate Ohio than Xenia.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||11/01/2011|
If I win Chopped, I will use the 10K to get more dumb tattoos.
|by Anonymous||reply 24||11/01/2011|
My only complaint with your dish is that you could have incorporated some acid or fresh lemon to cut into the richness of the coral reef slime.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||11/01/2011|
1. Mercury Poisoning
2. A Wendy's Coupon
3. An Almond
5. A Sarcophagus
|by Anonymous||reply 26||11/01/2011|
R23, I enjoyed the texture of the mud pie, but I feel you didn't repurpose the lingonberry jam in an illuminating manner, and your treatment of the ferret livers, though they were perfectly cooked, with the basil, battery acid, and lime Jello you used, did not mesh well with the identity of the rest of the dish.
Also, the glow factor in your use of the plutonium was a bit of a let down.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||11/01/2011|
I did mean R22. I was distracted by the careless presentation.
|by Anonymous||reply 28||11/01/2011|
1. A Turtle Head
2. An Arch Deluxe
5. Gold Leaf
|by Anonymous||reply 29||11/01/2011|
NO RED ONIONS EVER!!!
|by Anonymous||reply 30||11/01/2011|
Sorry, tubby, tattooed, hot-shot molecular gastronomist from Brooklyn, we haven't had a chick win for a few episodes, so this one is going to the Vermont elderlez with a mustache who runs an organic, free-range catering business.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||11/01/2011|
I love the way you coaxed out the rich flavor and texture of the Brazilian Sweet Potato, but I have to point out that you failed to properly clean it. I found three hairs in my first bite alone. (Camera pans in to three hairs on the edge of the plate.)
|by Anonymous||reply 32||11/01/2011|
R22, I also enjoyed the mud pie, though it could have used some more heat -- maybe some chipolte, habanero or even Bhut Jolokia in the lingonberry sauce. You relied on the plutonium to deliver the goods, but it seemed a bit too tame. I don't mind the fact that dish wasn't as luminescent as Zachary wanted, and your ferret livers made me cum in my pantalones.
|by Anonymous||reply 33||11/01/2011|
I'm going to disagree with my colleagues. I thought the texture of the mud pie was pretty gritty, and the lingonberry jam on top was just too cloying.
It would have worked better if you had used the sweet of the jam with the ferret livers, some smokey bacon, and maybe some used motor oil. One of my livers is half raw, by-the-way, though with the plutonium garnish, I suppose that doesn't matter too much. All-in-all, an improvement over the appetizer round.
|by Anonymous||reply 34||11/01/2011|
Did I miss the Spleen round?
|by Anonymous||reply 35||11/01/2011|
(1) A Cummerbund
(2) Old Bay Seasoning
(3) Rooster Cones
(4) A Tangelo
(5) Cloven Hooves
|by Anonymous||reply 36||11/01/2011|
Desert round: dried plankton, candied cigarettes, jet fuel, camel toes,
|by Anonymous||reply 37||11/01/2011|
You know we hated the green peppers you used in the appetizer round, and yet you used them again in the entree, and they just overpower the smoked oysters. You were very creative with your use of the dried yak tongue, but you forgot the protein on two of our plates, so we had to chop you.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||11/01/2011|
R29, thank you. I love a good joke about pogs!
|by Anonymous||reply 39||11/01/2011|
Thank you for telling me the correct name for Maneet Chauhan. For the longest time, I have been calling her "arti," from that arti party show.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||11/02/2011|
I'm Alex Guarnaschelli's hard, cold stare, used when ever a contestant has spoken back to her to explain why the duck testicles weren't completely cooked.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||11/02/2011|
Gelatin, molasses, Comté, bubblegum, peanuts. You have 30 minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 42||11/02/2011|
Chefs, Ted is in hospital, having been stabbed up by last week's contestant who didn't appreciate being quizzed with 1:20 left and his nutria steaks still raw.
I am your guest host, Carl Linnaeus. Please open your baskets. Your ingredients for the appetizer round:
[italic]Atropa belladonna[/italic] leaves and berries
[italic]Felis catus[/italic] tails and rear paws
[italic]Rattus rattus[/italic] fetuses
|by Anonymous||reply 43||11/02/2011|
|by Anonymous||reply 44||11/02/2011|
Chefs, you must celebrate local hipster foods by preserving and revitalizing hipster sustainable food, fishing, and agricultural traditions. If you fail to do so, you will be chopped!
|by Anonymous||reply 45||11/02/2011|
Chefs. The two of you have survived to make it to the dessert round. The winner will win ten thousand dollars.
You must use all the ingredients in your basket. Chefs, please open your baskets.
Your ingredients include: Chum; marshmallow fluff; durian; anchovies; and a blindfold (which must be worn.)
You have 30 minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 46||11/02/2011|
Chef Ron Ben-Israel presiding for the dessert round. Your ingredients are:
High Fructose Corn Syrup
You must have one hand tied behind your back for this challenge. You have thirty minutes (a generous amount of time, you will agree). GO!
|by Anonymous||reply 47||11/02/2011|
I caramelized the apples in the high fructose syrup just like my sister sister use to do - she died of cancer. (tears start to well) I'm here for her!
|by Anonymous||reply 48||11/02/2011|
Some of the cleverest posts in a long time.
Or are they verbatim from the show?
|by Anonymous||reply 49||11/02/2011|
R46 cracked me up!
|by Anonymous||reply 50||11/02/2011|
|by Anonymous||reply 51||11/03/2011|
Well who doesn't, R39?
|by Anonymous||reply 52||11/03/2011|
I must commend you on the way you incorporated the cheeee-lays into the dessert.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||11/03/2011|
Anyone see a recent episode where one of the chef-contestants also fancied herself a comedian? One of the ingredients was black chicken and, when they got to the tasting portion for that round, I think it was Alex Guarnaschelli who asked the woman if she could do an impression of a black chicken. She responded by clucking a rap song. I shit you not.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||11/03/2011|
Shows like this are impossible to parody.
|by Anonymous||reply 55||11/03/2011|
Ramps. I still don't get ramps.
|by Anonymous||reply 56||11/03/2011|
Chefs please open your baskets, you have
5. A loaded gun
|by Anonymous||reply 57||11/03/2011|
The judges admired your use of the ingredients, the layering of flavors through your selection of herbs and spices, and your presentation.
However, adding your own blood from your severed finger and calling the chorizo "blood sausage" rendered your dish inedible.
Chef Swansdown, you have been Chopped.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||11/03/2011|
Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round. Open your baskets.
2) Diet Yoo Hoo
3) After birth
You have thirty minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||11/04/2011|
What you have done with this is sublime, but if only you had made more of a feature of the stink of the durian fruit.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||11/04/2011|
I love this thread! It says something (I'm not sure what) that these parodies are only one or two degrees more "out there" from what's actually being broadcast.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||11/04/2011|
That's my point, Torta.
|by Anonymous||reply 62||11/04/2011|
Chef Claire ... Chef Cheryl ... Chef Nan. Congratulations, you have advanced to the entree round. Please open your baskets. Your mandatory ingredients for this round are ... stale bread, durian, Limburger cheese, and nutloaf. You have 20 minutes, and your time starts NOW.
|by Anonymous||reply 63||11/04/2011|
Chefs. Today's special challenge is called Show Some Gumption, with our special guest judge: Mamie Gummer (we wanted M, who was unavailable. Whaddya want, this is Chopped, not Top Chef.)
You must use all the ingredients in your basket. Chefs, please open your baskets.
Your ingredients include:
You have 30 minutes. Go!
|by Anonymous||reply 64||11/04/2011|
Chef Rico ... Chef Liam ... Chef Lauren. Congratulations, you have advanced to the entree round. Please open your baskets. Your mandatory ingredients for this round are ...
Almond butter, quahog, cell phone battery, and Jai Rodriguez, forgotten star of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
You have 30 minutes, and your time starts NOW.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||11/04/2011|
Chef Liam..Chef Rico. Congratulations, you have made it to the dessert round due to your superior extractions from Jai Rodriguez. Chef Lauren will be scheduled for another show due to Mr. Rodriguez refusing access to his body during the entree round. Your ingredients are:
|by Anonymous||reply 66||11/04/2011|
WHY ARE THERE RAW ONIONS IN MY NUTMEG CRUSTED PARSNIP CREME TART WITH LIMBURGER COOKIE CRUST, CHEF RICO?!
|by Anonymous||reply 67||11/04/2011|
Maneet Chauhan: "Dolphin sperm is quite a delicacy, but it's a bit tricky to work with."
Tim Allen: "Dolphin sperm? Are you shitting me?"
|by Anonymous||reply 68||11/04/2011|
I really like what you did with the raccoon fur, I think you really thought outside the box by frying it, but I'm not getting any of the plutonium at all.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||11/04/2011|
Chopped is about two small steps away from being Junkyard Wars in the kitchen. Force them to forage for ingredients in a Food Lion and I think you're pretty much there.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||11/04/2011|
R57, your number 5 should've been the word 'Yeah'!
|by Anonymous||reply 71||11/04/2011|
Chef Wheezer, Chef Tootie... you have made it to the dessert round. Please open your baskets. Your mandatory ingredients are:
Exlax Choclate bars
You have thrity minutes, your time starts now!
|by Anonymous||reply 72||11/05/2011|
(In a whisper to the other judges).
I'm really worried about Chef Babar. He hasn't even begun cooking the snoot,let alone the candy corn and there are only 2 minutes left!
|by Anonymous||reply 73||11/05/2011|
I wonder if Ted ever gets a little nerd boner when he tells the chefs to open their baskets.
|by Anonymous||reply 74||11/05/2011|
Judges, you may think my dessert was the weakest, but let me remind you that I am a recovering alcoholic, my sister died of cancer and I just found out before the taping of this show that my mother was in a terrible car accident. Just sayin'.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||11/05/2011|
Chef Wilson: "Today i've prepared for you chupacabra braised in a mixture of grape jelly and my own tears on a bed of quinoa cooked in tomato soup... With a penut butter gastrique."
Alex Guarnichelli: "Chef Wilson, while I love chupacabra and cook it almost daily, the use of your own tears added a tragic saltiness..... That really complimented the jelly. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any gastrique on my plate."
|by Anonymous||reply 76||11/05/2011|
I open the basket and I see horse ass and I'm like "damn I never use horse ass". So, I decide to stick to my Southern roots and chicken fry it. And I'll use the frissee like the greens. I think I got this one."
|by Anonymous||reply 77||11/05/2011|
Judge Guarnichelli, I apologize. I ran out of time to complete my plates when I set myself on fire.
I do want to note that none of my fellow chefs had the decency to put me out. And I hope you noted that Chef Mecuri doused me in bourbon, set the flames anew, put me out with fresh lemon and screamed OPAH!
|by Anonymous||reply 78||11/05/2011|
I just wet my pants.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||11/05/2011|
|by Anonymous||reply 80||11/05/2011|
On a side note, have you seen Alex Guarnichelli competing to be the next Iron Chef?
She's not doing very well (although she has outlasted Spike Mendelsohn from "Top Chef"). And her lack of sense of humor doesn't help. If she gets eliminated soon, I don't know how she'll be able to hold up her head the next time she's at the Chopping Block. No one will take her criticism seriously.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||11/05/2011|
I hate her, R81. She seems like a huge bitch. You can be serious and critical without seeming like a huge asshole. She seems like a huge asshole.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||11/05/2011|
R82, I don't think Alex is a bitch, just intense. I saw an episode of a some cooking show she once hosted and enjoyed her personality a great deal - relaxed and informed. The episode itself was interesting in that she really cooked and baked, explaining that the food was going to take all day to be prepared - fascinating.
The judge from Chopped I cannot stand is Aaron Sanchez - I really got to dislike him when he and three other Chopped judges participated in and episode of Chopped last season. He was insufferable (my mother this, my son that, blah, blah, blah - awful).
Now - back your baskets! who wants to add ingredients to the duck testicles I've got in the fridge just waiting to be cooked?
|by Anonymous||reply 83||11/06/2011|
I would to explore Chris Santos' taint.
|by Anonymous||reply 84||11/06/2011|
Well Ted, this is a very special "Chopped" for me as a contestant as today is the anniversary of my father's death, it's y birthday and I am also in remission for brain cancer. So just to be here means a lot to me.
I don't say this to influence the judges' decision. I just want to compete hard and hopefully win the 10K to help get my house out of foreclosure and pay for my son's operation.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||11/06/2011|
[quote] The judge from Chopped I cannot stand is Aaron Sanchez - I really got to dislike him when he and three other Chopped judges participated in and episode of Chopped last season. He was insufferable (my mother this, my son that, blah, blah, blah - awful).
Don't criticize my heritage or my family. I'm a Mexi-CAN, not a Mexi-CAN'T.
|by Anonymous||reply 86||11/06/2011|
R36 made me snort
|by Anonymous||reply 87||11/06/2011|
[quote]She seems like a huge bitch.
I'm pretty sure the producers are paying all of the judges to cunt it up more than usual. They want to bring the drama and they really go over the top with the cuntiness. I mean, some poor schmuck who is a assistant fry cook at a bar and grill in Newark has just spent 15 minutes trying to make a dinner out of rabbit ears, dental floss and tic tacs and the judges love to slam the portion size or the fact that they can't taste enough of the floss.
I loved when the judges competed, all cuntiness went out the window and it was a big freakin love fest.
|by Anonymous||reply 88||11/06/2011|
Chefs: Welcome to the Special cooking with liquor episode of Chopped. We are doing this now that the judges have recovered from one contestants disastrous overuse of chocolate Ex-Lax earlier in the month. The contestant was supposed to use 1/15th teaspoon in his recipe. Instead, he used fifteen boxes of Ex-Lax. Chef Santos wants me to emphasize your always cooking from a recipe. Chef Sanchez--remember your pay please! Chef Chauhan--please quit crying! There. Now, your ingredients for the entree round are:
Grappa (a fine European liquor that can be used as furniture polish)
You have thirty minutes. GO!
|by Anonymous||reply 89||11/06/2011|
R86, I love you - I HATE the way Aaron Sanchez' name is pronounced with the rolled "r" sound in his first name.
So effing pretentious.
Ted, you should know better.
|by Anonymous||reply 90||11/06/2011|
Has anyone ever notice that when Alex get's up she has the biggest ass - you could show a movie on it, it's quite shocking!
|by Anonymous||reply 91||11/07/2011|
Chefs, you have made it to the dessert round. Please open your baskets.
Your mandatory ingredients are:
1) Hot chile sauce
2) Marshmallow Peeps
3) Daikon radishes
4) Alex Guarnichelli's pear-shaped ass.
Your have forty minutes for this round to allow for the extra processing time required for the final ingredient. Time starts NOW!
|by Anonymous||reply 92||11/07/2011|
Alex G is one nervous nelly, but she did win the ballpark challenge.
Irvine and Chiarello made up the bottom 2 and then Irvine lost to Chiarello in the peanut challenge.
|by Anonymous||reply 93||11/08/2011|
Chefs, please open your baskets. You have:
1. Eye of newt, 2. Toe of frog, 3. Wool of bat, and 4. Tongue of dog...
You have 30 minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||11/08/2011|
|by Anonymous||reply 95||11/09/2011|
Everyone in my family has died within the last week. I'm doing it for the..... *sniff* children. I've created a dirt compote with a lingonberry souffle and have created small candy based tombstones for your dining pleasure. Enjoy!
|by Anonymous||reply 96||11/09/2011|
Chefs: Welcome to the appetizer round. Here are your four ingredients:
You have twenty minutes;GO
|by Anonymous||reply 97||11/10/2011|
I honestly didn't know rose petals were edible....
something to keep in mind if I'm ever homeless.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||11/10/2011|
OP here - I've enjoyed this thread - I had a bad day as well, and was unwinding watching chopped on hulu..... and getting mad at the judges - but honestly I don't know what it is about Ted but I have such a hard on for him it's unreal - if the camera stays on him for to long it's like watching porn.....
|by Anonymous||reply 99||11/13/2011|
OP, I'm looking forward to the Very Special Thanksgiving Episode of Chopped coming up this Tuesday. I'm guessing it will be something like this:
Chefs, you must prepare your version of a traditional Thanksgiving feast. Please open your baskets. You must use:
1) A fresh, whole pumpkin.
2) A live turkey
3) Blackstrap molasses
4) A Wampanoag Indian moccasin
You have thirty minutes. Time starts NOW!
|by Anonymous||reply 100||11/13/2011|
Chef Stumblebum, your use of the whole pumpkin was inventive, but underbaked. You also forgot to remove the pumpkin seeds and cut off the stem. Now, really, how do we eat raw, live turkey. The use of turkey urine just does Not work with the canned chicken & noodles--and by the way, the noodles are still crunchy! The blackstrap molasses and a 400 year Wampanoag moccasin, donated by the Smithsonian Institute, create an interesting tasting crumble. Due to the use of raw turkey, you are Chopped!
|by Anonymous||reply 101||11/13/2011|
To be fair Chef Freitag, the cotton/poly blend sheet was difficult to transform into Moose Snoot en Papillote, and I thought I executed it as well as I could.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||11/13/2011|
This is the annual Ultimate Thanksgiving Challenge, featuring Chefs Sanchez, Zakarian,& Santos. Your ingredients for the appetizer round (one courtesy of the Lashingate Museum) are:
One Pilgrims Hat, circa 1620
Your time starts NOW!
|by Anonymous||reply 103||11/14/2011|
Chefs, because three of your ingredients are alive, you have an additional fifteen minutes to prepare your Turducken.
|by Anonymous||reply 104||11/16/2011|
Well, Chris/R101--may I call you Chris?
Just as Thanksgiving is a time to honor the disparate groups that came together to share Nature's bounty in a wild, untamed country, I believe it is important to [italic]honor[/italic] the basket ingredients, not so transform them you can't tell how they started out.
I also wanted you to have the [italic]authentic[/italic] experience of a 17th-century European encountering entirely foreign, entirely [italic]AMERICAN[/italic] foods for the first time. I rather doubt Mrs. Squanto had time to remove ALL the pumpkin seeds and pulp before serving it, and I suspect more than one Pilgrim had to take his live turkey into his own hands on that day.
I also think my one moccasin crumble was more inventive than any entire dish the other chefs presented. I deserve to advance to the dessert round, albeit one judge short.
|by Anonymous||reply 105||11/16/2011|
(Chef Santos)--Chef Stumblebum; I re.. (Alex Guarnaschelli stands & screeches--You Incompetent Oaf, how DARE you serve Me TURKEY URINE. You think this axe is just a decoration--Now GET OUT or You'll REALLY be CHOPPED!!!
(Grabs axe off wall and chases Chef Stumblebum down the stairs)
(Ted)--That may be the most incisive critique ever leveled at a contestant. We'll be right back after these messages.
First commercial is a public service announcement on how to decapitate turkeys.
|by Anonymous||reply 106||11/17/2011|
bumpity bump bump
|by Anonymous||reply 107||11/19/2011|
I'm not ready to go home. I came here to win.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||11/19/2011|
Welcome to the Holiday edition of Chopped. Your judges are Chris Santos, Aaron Sanchez, & Mrs. Neely, subbing for Alex, who has been given time off from her duties. You know the rules. You have 20 minutes for the appetizer round. Chefs, please open your baskets. Your ingredients are:
|by Anonymous||reply 109||11/30/2011|
I stand by my jelly bean fig tripe casserole with lime garnish. I don't think the sage overwhelmed it at all.
|by Anonymous||reply 110||11/30/2011|
Chefs. Congratulations on making it to the entree round of this very special Betty Ford Center challenge.
Please open your baskets. The ingredients are:
Rotgut (please note you must use the brown paper bag in your presentation.)
A canned ham.
And a stomach pump.
Chefs. You may utilize our pantry, refrigerators, and our pharmacy for the dolls of your choice.
You have thirty minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 111||11/30/2011|
a WHOLE chicken in a CAN!
|by Anonymous||reply 112||12/01/2011|
Chefs: I present for your approval Rosemary roasted canned chicken stuffed with ham slices with extraction of bee honey sauteed in Rotgut. The doll head was snapped off and simmered in a concoction of pineapple and lemon. The stomach pump is presented in the rotgut sack as it may need to be readily available after partaking of this delicious entree. I will need medical attention, as I was stung 1000 times while cooking!
|by Anonymous||reply 113||12/01/2011|
Chefs, you have advanced to the entree round. Please open your baskets, you have
1.Talcum Powder 2.Cruex 3.Armadillo testicles 4.A bolo tie 5.Pop Rocks
You have thirty minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||12/01/2011|
I'm laughing so hard I can hardly type. Best thread in forever ! Reminds me of the DL of old.
|by Anonymous||reply 115||12/01/2011|
Chopped is my favorite show on the Food Network but now I'll never be able to watch it without thinking of this great thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||12/01/2011|
Well, I've never cooked with bolo tie before but if I put some raspberry jam in with it and simmer with some white wine, it'll go well with the armadillo balls......
|by Anonymous||reply 117||12/01/2011|
Chefs: My dish is what I call Les Balles de Cruex. I powdered the balls in Cruex and created a creamy gravy with talcum powder. I simmered the bolo tie in tomatoes and chilies; the garnish is Pop Rocks, which leaves a nice, fresh, fruity flavor.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||12/01/2011|
Judge Neely--"what you call "creamy gravy" we generally use for wallpaper paste. And every chef knows armadillo balls need to be kneaded before cooking for seven and one half minutes. Everyone knows you sautee them, not just dump them into a deep fryer, as you did. Your salsa was interesting, but the bolo tie was inedible. And you just scattered Pop Rocks over your dish like they were BacoBits. For the enumerated reasons, you are Chopped! Now don't make me grab that axe like Alex did--you KNOW I have a temper, as well as PMS!"
|by Anonymous||reply 119||12/01/2011|
Chef, I enjoyed the testicles and was pleased with your restraint of the Cruex. However, I think the gravy was a bit too clovying wity such a delicate meat. I didn't get the Cruex at all, but the Pop Rocks did impart a flavor I didn't expect. Overall, very interesting.
|by Anonymous||reply 120||12/01/2011|
I am laughing so hard I have to pee...
|by Anonymous||reply 121||12/01/2011|
Chef, I enjoyed the Armadillo but found the bolo tie without the appropriate seasoning and a bit 'stringy' despite the marinade.
I couldn't taste the Cruex at all, despite the Pop Rocks. Your appetizer dish of chicken beak and liver dumplings made me look to so much more. I had hoped this would have been better....
had you put my Mom's mole sauce on it!
|by Anonymous||reply 122||12/01/2011|
1 week old turkey carcass.
|by Anonymous||reply 123||12/01/2011|
Chef r113: Before you seek needed medical attention, I must commend you on your dish. The use of the basket ingredients is masterful, and the combination of flavors sublime. I would never have thought of adding the canned chicken and enhancing it with ham and fresh honey with a rotgut gastrique. To coax such delicious honey from so many angry bees,at great peril to your life,must be taught in culinary schools from now until the end of time.
The whimsy of the Stomach Pump En Papillote is a work of art if not the mark of genius.
However,before you lose consciousness,I have a small critique. I had hoped that the ingredient and the reference to the pharmacy would lead you to recognize that Dolls means pharmaceuticals, not "Dolls". As delicious as the doll head is.
Therefore Chef r113, you have been chopped.
|by Anonymous||reply 124||12/01/2011|
What's the difference between Chopped and Iron Chef? They sound like the same show to me. I stopped watching Food Network when it became crappy reality shows instead of real cooking shows.
I only check for new episodes of Ina or Good Eats or Giada. Hell even Paula is better than the reality shows or that Guy guy who seems to be on at least half the day and I can't stand Paula. I don't even know if Good Eats is still in production or if Brown only does the Iron Chef. HGTV has gone to shit as well and Hallmark is showing
|by Anonymous||reply 125||12/01/2011|
BUTTER!!! I NEED ME SOME BUTTER.....DEEP FRY IT FOR ME, BOBBY!
|by Anonymous||reply 126||12/01/2011|
Chefs, please open your boxes. The ingredients are:
* Mechanically-separated chicken paste * Orange zest * Wrigley's Spearmint Gum * Balut eggs * Semen
But there's a twist! You must harvest the semen, and it can't be your own. This should make it interesting, don't you think Marc?
|by Anonymous||reply 127||12/01/2011|
For the appetizer round you must use the following ingredients:
1. Dryer lint
2. Vanilla ice cream
3. Used motor oil (let's think green here, Chefs!)
4. Unripe Apricots
5. Ground beef
You have 20 minutes! GO!
|by Anonymous||reply 128||12/02/2011|
Judge Aarrrooooon--Your use of the ground beef with vanilla ice cream sauce with essence of dryer lint is interesting. Your use of ghost chilies with unripened apricots with just a smear of used motor oil on the side is odd--especially as you were instructed to use the motor oil only as an ERRRSSence, and you all were told to plate the motor oil separately! For trying to poison the judges panel, you are CHOPPED!
|by Anonymous||reply 129||12/02/2011|
Judge Aarrrooooon - I was aiming for a more savory version of cotton candy using the dryer lint and ice cream. I wanted to incorporate the motor oil in an interesting way that would enhance the flavors of the dryer lint and ice cream.
The ghost chilis were almost an after-thought but then I said "why not?" I thought that the unripe apricots would be super if heated with the motor oil and I'm sorry I missed the mark.
I think for the creativity and blending of flavors I should move on to the entree course.
Thank you Chef Aarrrooooon.
|by Anonymous||reply 130||12/02/2011|
Judge Gina Neely; You have already been Chopped, Chef ; now, don't make me have to get this da**ed axe out of the wall! Now, scoot!
Ted--"Listen to her, she's not kidding"
Judge Gina--"Someone get this ax out of the ****ing wall! It's stuck!
|by Anonymous||reply 131||12/02/2011|
Chef Papillon, Chef Cirquette; you have made it to the dessert round. Your ingredients are:
Frozen hash browns
You have thirty minutes to complete your dish. Begin!
|by Anonymous||reply 132||12/05/2011|
3) Mandingo Cheese
4) Turkey meatballs
You have 30 minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 133||12/13/2011|
Chef Pelham, Chef Sothern: You have made it to the Dessert round, due to your good manners. Chef Khugthorn was Chopped due to his attempt to milk Judge Neely against his will. The fool who mixed up the film Mandingo with Manchego cheese has been fired. Your ingredients:
Cherry Italian Ice
You have thirty minutes. Go!
|by Anonymous||reply 134||12/13/2011|
This is the funniest thread EVER!
|by Anonymous||reply 135||12/17/2011|
"I didn't really taste the ginger snap in Tina's farina" is one of the filthiest things I've ever heard uttered and it came from this show.
|by Anonymous||reply 136||12/27/2011|
Tina should have worn gloves to handle the sea food since she was allergic.
I wanted the big black guy to win. He touched my heart with his devotion to his late father.
They all got pissed at him for using the truffle sauce. Jesus, big fucking deal. Those judges suck.
Now they got a guy on the next chopped who's had cancer 5 times, poor guy.
This one is for 50 grand.
|by Anonymous||reply 137||12/27/2011|
When I looked over at Chef Jamie's plate and saw he'd basically just thrown the 9/11 memorial dust on top of a plain possum pancake as if it were confetti, I knew I'd nailed it.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||12/27/2011|
I'm really not tasting the grit from the 9/11 memorial dust. I think you just basically drowned it with the caramelized tripe. But I love the possum bone marrow stock. That was really creative.
|by Anonymous||reply 139||12/28/2011|
I have to disagree. I thought the 9/11 memorial dust added texture and nuance to the possum hash. The Smuckers grape jelly gastrique also added a playful touch.
But I did find a a possum whisker in my hash, and that is simply unacceptable for a chef at your level. *gong of disapproval*
|by Anonymous||reply 140||12/28/2011|
I em seeck to det uv 9/11 dust, I kennot tell you how mooch! But I weel say det you hev dun a nice job weeth it in thees chiz spread!
|by Anonymous||reply 141||12/28/2011|
Welcome back to the special Iowa Caucus edition of Chopped.
Chefs, you have survived the appetizer round and now proceed to the entree round. As you know, you must use all the ingredients in your basket. You may use the Chopped pantry and regrigenator.
Chefs, please open your baskets. Your ingredients include:
Iowa Spencer County pork chops.
Iowa grown field corn.
Iowa chicken lips.
A video tape of "The Music Man", and
You have 30 minutes.
|by Anonymous||reply 142||01/03/2012|
I thought chef Arrrrron was my least favorite judge, but then I saw Chris Santos. He is the most miserable SOB on that show. He has to find something wrong with everything. I'd like to see him come up with something edible in 20 minutes after being handed wasabi peas, raw venison, red licorice whips and caramel popcorn.
|by Anonymous||reply 143||01/07/2012|
Appetizer round - chefs open your baskets. You have: Ambergris Smegma Chitterlings Strawberry Quick
|by Anonymous||reply 144||01/07/2012|
Why is it that every lesbian chef on this show must talk endlessly about her partner. Just cook your food and STFU! Nobody cares!
|by Anonymous||reply 145||01/07/2012|
Chef Aarrron is covered in ink. Not pretty.
|by Anonymous||reply 146||01/07/2012|
Chris Santos seems like a nice guy. Scott Conant is the one who always has to find fault in every dish. Aside from Chef Alex, the female judges are less critical than their male counterparts.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||01/08/2013|
Hostess Sno-Balls Raw chicken livers PAM vegetable spray Beets Pimento loaf
|by Anonymous||reply 148||01/08/2013|
in this round you have magic johnson's used condoms durien that yellow crusty stuff from the corner of your mouth when you sleep ectoplasm farts
you have 10 minutes
NO SOUP FOR YOU!
|by Anonymous||reply 149||05/12/2014|
Welcome to Chopped Ultimate Champions! Top prize: $50,000 and an unspecified car because we're still seeking a sponsor even as we film.
Open your baskets, champions! For the appetizer round:
2 Cadbury Easter eggs
Earl Grey tea
A Summer's Eve Endless Summer douche
Your 20 minutes starts NOW!
|by Anonymous||reply 150||09/07/2014|
Chefs you have advanced to the dessert round. In your basket you will find:
You have 20 minutes and the clock starts NOW.
|by Anonymous||reply 151||07/14/2015|