Being openly gay and making straight male friends is tough.

[quote]because most of us are chill and have good intentions

Most. Not you Javy!

R1, I'm actually a great guy...

"Now I'm not super feminine, but after talking to me, you can kinda feel me out and get the idea that I'm gay."

What with the purse falling out of your mouth every other syllable, Mavis.

OP, I hear ya.

I don't care for the bitchy queenie nellie gay gay friends (who aren't really that friendly.)

I like un-complicated straight guys who just want to hang out, but when they learn I'm gay it's all different.

Am I attracted to some of them? Sure. But not all.

It'd be nice to have some non-complicated friendships, gay or straight.

I'm what most would call "homophobic" in that I dislike CLOSETED gays, mostly because they can prey on straight men with "stealth." OPENLY gay men, however, I have absolutely no problem with, since I know where their interests lie. To me, they're just like ugly women that I have no sexual interest in.

I don't expect people to agree with me, but this is how I feel.

Op, your post is littered with way too many desperate and obvious attempts to appear "straight/masculine".

If this is how you talk in real life, you're probably making people feel awkward and uncomfortable around you.

Most of my friends are straight and male.

I don't try.

You should try not trying.

You sound kind of skeevy, OP. By that I mean it's you, not the guy you want to "befriend."

Let's keep it 100

keep you at arms length (sic)

I'm not super feminine

kinda

most of us are chill

wanna

===========

OP, clean these up and maybe you'll be more tolerable to us gay guys, who for some reason you seem to leave out as possible friends, which is fine considering your deplorable language skills.

You sound intelligent, but the faux asswipe chatter needs to go. Talk like an adult.

OP, you will NEVER get an honest conversation on this topic. Most gay men are deluded. You're going to get a lot of responses by gay men with supposedly all or mostly all heterosexual male friends. The reality is heterosexual males don't want to be friends with gay men at all or anything like they are with other heterosexual males. That is reality. It doesn't matter if you are in Montana, Florida, Brazil, China or Egypt it's all the same. Heterosexual males want to be friends with other heterosexual males exclusively. Deluded gay men want us to believe if we act a certain way heterosexual males will be friends with us like they are with other heterosexual males which is not the case at all. It doesn't matter if you are super masculine or super feminine they don't want a friendship. You see this play out on reality shows all the time like Big Brother and The Real World. Remember Karamo, Landon and M.J. on The Real World: Philadelphia were friends until Karamo announced he was gay then Landon and M.J. ditched him. Landon and M.J. never interacted that much with William who was out from the start.

{quote]. You're going to get a lot of responses by gay men with supposedly all or mostly all heterosexual male friends. The reality is heterosexual males don't want to be friends with gay men at all or anything like they are with other heterosexual males. That is reality. It doesn't matter if you are in Montana, Florida, Brazil, China or Egypt it's all the same.

That's absolute bollocks. It's all down to how easily you make friends and what sort of people you mix with. I've got a group of male friends who include straight men, gay men, straight women and lesbians. My oldest friends are the straight men I grew up with - men who've been my friends for 40 years.

OP, why do you want hetero male friends ? What is your goal ? If it is because you are attracted, then they feel it and are outraged.

R9? I feel the same way about being a woman.

As a lesbian, I have a lot more in common with straight men than you'd think. But because I'm a woman, they treat me differently. ALL men treat women differently. I will never get that easy acceptance slap-on-the-back camaraderie that straight men have with each other. I mean, I just want to be treated the way they treat each other. That shouldn't be rocket science, but it just doesn't happen.

And Javy? Only a true queen would sit around and obsess about "having friends" the way you are. Be yourself -- try not to be too affected. You'll find people who will like you just the way you are. And if not, than you need to get some therapy. When the snow starts falling in Happy Valley, there's not going to be much to do but study anyway.

[quote]Heterosexual males want to be friends with other heterosexual males exclusively.

Certainly not all.

But those who would close the door on a friendship due to someone's sexual identity isn't worth having as a friend anyway, so they've done you a favor imho.

[quote] You see this play out on reality shows all the time

Oy. I wouldn't make generalizations about the world or people's behavior based on reality shows.

I used to hang around a mixed bunch of gay and straight guys who enjoyed performance art, rock and roll, indie film, rocketry/engineering, and smoking weed. They were a lively, creative group and unselfconscious around each other.

Common interests can bring straight and gay men together "reality shows" aside.

It really depends a lot on what type of straight guys you're attracted to as friends. The artistic, free spirited, open minded kind or the bone-headed, jock type. If you are only interested in making friends with dumb jocks....well....what do you expect?

Depends on where you live.

You lost me with "most guys are going to keep you at arm's length once they figure out your sexuality." Wow. What kind of world do you live in? First, if you are out and simply BEING who you are (not closeted), there should never be any "figure it out," but rather "This is who I am." That makes a difference right there. It tells the world that YOU are comfortable with who you are. No one is comfortable around someone who is not comfortable with himself.

Second, men who are comfortable with THEMSELVES will not give a shit if someone is gay. Everyone is on a continuum of sexuality, anyway. Men like to flirt with each other and feel attractive. Straight guys do it all the time but just don't acknowledge it as such.

The older one gets, the labels lose their meaning, anyway. It's all about the person. A man who is rich in character and depth and life experiences, who enjoys other PEOPLE and companionship will not have some bizarre, STUNTED, arrested development thing going on with regard to one's sexual orientation.

There is this gay youtuber called gaycomicgeek who mostly hangs out with straight men. They all share a bound with comic books and would attend conventions together...His buds treat him like a regular guy who happens to like other dudes..and all of them are hot.Another one is a very popular youtuber called someonetoshoutfor aka Brandon who has a straight BFF.. that appears on his videos and talked about baseball and randomness...It seems like Straight guys have no problem with straight-acting gays just the Fabulous~ ones who are very stereotypical and loud that they can't stand and avoid.

"Straight guys have no problem with straight-acting gays just the Fabulous~ ones who are very stereotypical and loud that they can't stand and avoid."

Really? How old are these douchebag straight men? The straight guys that I know are comfortable with who they are and don't avoid anyone based upon some sort of "effeminacy meter." Now, a LOUD, OBNOXIOUS queen who is pushing his agenda and toxic, abrasive personality on the world? THOSE people are avoided by EVERYONE. Those types of stereotypical guys are self hating and turning that out to the world under the guise of "fabulous."

This guy you friended may have come to the conclusion that you're interested in him. It happens in male/female friendships all the time. You have to make it clear that there's no attraction, and interaction will be awkward until you do.

Straight guys are so boring, I dont know why you would want to be friends with them.

[quote]Men like to flirt with each other and feel attractive. Straight guys do it all the time but just don't acknowledge it as such.

Huh?

Sometimes, guys are cool with it until someone else brings it up to them and then he cannot ignore that part of you anymore because others are watching...

I have straight male friends, but my closest male friends are gay. I see many straight men being friends with gay men, often based on common interests, but I do think it is hard to become CLOSE friends with straight men. The society is homophobic, so straight men are scared to be TOO closely associated with a gay person. This will change one day. It's getting less homophobic out there every day.

r9 your world view is from reality television, and you call other guys deluded? oh, i'm sorry - i mean "delluded."

oy.

Personally, two of my best friends are straight guys. It *does* happen.

And really? It's the same in Egypt, a country suffering under an oppressive de facto dictatorship, as it is here?

I don't say this lightly - but you are a fucking retard.

A college football captain comes out to his team to open arms and gains a slew of new allies.

Gay male here. I have no trouble making straight male friends, although I don't go out of my way to try. Obviously there are those who have issues with gays (probably issues with their own sexuality actually), but those types I would never want to be friends with anyway.

(To he honest, I have much more trouble making guy male friends. It always comes down to an issue of mistaken intentions. Either they think I like them romantically/sexually and I don't--and I don't want to lead anyone on--or they think I like them in that way when all I'm after is friendship.)

Most straight guys I know are fine with gays as long as they're sure you're not going to pounce at the first chance.

As far as attraction, I have some straight friends I am attracted to, and occasionally get the impression that they're curious. But I'm not going to make the first move--in case I'm wrong, why spoil the friendship? And since it's a sure bet that they're not going to make the first move, nothing's ever going to happen.

Incidentally, I have a new, very cute friend (acquaintance, really) at work who I think might be flexible. Another gay guy at work swears the new guy is a "two beer queer," but since I've never been out drinking with him, who's to say?

I will say that I know a girl who went out with him once and right off the bat asked her if she was into anal because that was his main thing. I realize that alone means nothing but if you'd see his Facebook pictures, you'd have to wonder. I do know he's comfortable with gays because he used to bartend in a gay bar and, looking the way he looks, would have attracted a lot of attention.

But I'm not setting myself up for a big letdown. I'm happy with the way things are. He's funny, intelligent, and good looking--what more can you want in a straight, male friend?

Just don't hang out with straights. I don't. The overwhelming majority of my closest friends are LGBT peeps. Of different races, religions and ethnicities. Most straights bore me, especially straight men...

Obviously you should hang out with whomever you prefer.

But I've never understood gay guys who self-ghettoized. I've known guys who's entire base of friends are people exactly like them: white, male, gay, American men. Nothing against white, male, gay, American men--I'm one of them--but the world's too full of interesting people to eliminate whole groups of people.

Stop seeking approval, OP.

I really hate the word "Ally".

r30? Gay men are a disfavored minority. Although many gay men no doubt are highly selective about who they befriend, it's more often the case that they simply do not receive wonderful offers of friendship from wide and varied groups of people.

It's like someone in the 1950s walking to the other side of the tracks and saying "Yeesh. Why do black people live in such cruddy houses and go to such terrible schools?"

So OP doesn't want to "settle" for female friends' because he might have to listen to "girly problems" but he thinks it's just dandy to listen to straight guys talk about sports and pussy all day?

R34, some gay men are still stuck in 'high school', desperate to hang with the cool kids, and sit at the cool kids lunch table.

This OP is not at a place of self love and self acceptance or he would never have posted such a thread. His view of reality would be different.

OP? I find being openly gay and making straight male friends WAY easier than being openly gay and making gay male friends.

Maybe it's just me.

[quote]r4 I don't care for the bitchy queenie nellie gay gay friends (who aren't really that friendly.)

Could it be they're not friendly because they sense you look down on them? People aren't as stupid as you think.

[quote]Now, a LOUD, OBNOXIOUS queen who is pushing his agenda

Agenda?

Wow, so many phobes in this place.

lol @ R37

Believe me R33, I'm well aware that gays aren't the most beloved minority in certain circles. I can also understand the desire to stay among your own, for feelings of solidarity or fear of rejection, whatever reason. Maybe I've been lucky to have met so many open minded people, but they do exist.

I guess my point was that you're not going to get offers of friendship from varied people if you close yourself off from the possibility.

I want to be friend's with R40's pretentious bullshit.

r38, by agenda, I meant the queen's agenda to gain acceptance from the outside in, to force people (which one can never do) to love him when it is the self loathing that he must deal with, ultimately. Life is lived from the inside out.

It wasn't a homophobic "it's the dreaded gay agenda" post. You made a knee jerk reaction.

R38, are you really defending loud obnoxious flakey bitchy judgemental attention whores as good potentials for real friendship?

Seriously?

You're right, r35, that's a good analogy. Straight guys are the "cool kids" whose approval many gay men crave, and straight girls are the "nerds" they settle for being friends with while making fun of them behind their back.

That's not what you measnt at all, R42. Not at all.

The irony of R43's post...

Exactly, R44. They're desperate. They mock effeminate gay men as well, projecting their own self-hate onto them in order to fit in.

These are grown "men".

My best friend for over 20 years is a straight guy. We've lived together, traveled together, spent weeks at a time in a tent on hiking trips. He knows and loves my partner, I know and love his girlfriend (her kids, meh). It's called being friends, sexuality doesn't play into if people have common interests and attitudes.

R46, please explain the "irony" you perceive. I would love to hear this.

Very few heterosexual men are not threatened by gay men. That's why I believe that homosexuality and bisexuality is so much greater than the projected 5-10% of the human population. Men who are threatened by gay men, and there are many, are closeted gay/bi men.

[quote]...loud obnoxious flakey bitchy[bold]judgemental attention whores...Seriously?

Seriously.

r43 - No, I'm saying that automatically assigning negative characteristics to gay men who are more flamboyant is bigoted.

r42 - Ah, the queen's agenda. WTF? If you really believe someone is so sad and self-loathing then you ought to treat him with compassion rather than disdain. But it sounds more like you find certain types of 'gayness' embarrassing and invent theories to excuse your own prejudice.

Anyone "threatened" by who another person fucks probably isn't worth being friends with.

[quote]Very few heterosexual men are not threatened by gay men.

I must know most of them then.

I have dozens of straight guy friends. My closest friends are straight guys, in fact. Not a whiff of homophobia among any of them.

They've ALL been to gay bars with me. To pride parades (usually they go with or without me, because they believe in equal rights).

I think you're grossly over-stating things here.

Or maybe I just don't know that many closet-cases. Though several of my "straight" male friends consider themselves to be "politically bi", as in they theoretically call themselves 'bi', and have no problems being perceived as such, but in their personal life they're pretty much straight, and at most experiemented in their youth. Most are married in very good relationships, and I'm close to their wives as well.

R51? I think you're reading in a lot more than you think.

[/bold]

Oh yeah, and learn to close your bold [/bold] tags.

R52, is right.

R52, you're coming off as overly defenseive.

That's a mentality I will never understand R53, and it's so prevalent.

I find it difficult as well to socialize with straight guys, because they really do turn cold when they find out you're gay. I used to work at a casino, and I can't tell you how many times over the years there would be a new guy starting, and I would strike up a conversation, and he would be very open and candid for the first couple weeks until he found out I was gay, then he would be very stand-offish. The worst were the ones who would still try to be very friendly if it was just the two of us in a situation, but as soon as other co-workers were around (especially "the guys", if you know what I mean), he would be completely different and cold.

Last night I was lamenting to my only gay friend (a lipstick lesbian) that it's hard to make gay friends because people usually assume I'm straight.

R55, no I'm not reading into anything. It's the truth. You're an asshole. Just admit it. Own it.

Oh, and thanks for telling me close my bold tags. Sprry. :( I'm an asshole there.

R54, what are you saying? You're the acceptable homosexual among heterosexuals?

R54, politically bi? Oh, for fucks sake...

I agree with the poster above who stated it is easier to make friends with a straight guy than it is with a gay guy.

r57 - Overly defensive = challenging your viewpoint? Ah, got it.

R61, take a nice long look in a mirror some time.

R64, what elements of yourself do you conceal when you make friend's with straight guys? Be honest.

You're lucky R54. even you must realize that. If all straight men were like your friends we never would have needed a Data Lounge.

R65, Overly defensive = not being a step n' fetch homosexual.

Wow R41 (aka 45, 46, 47, 51, 56, 58, 61, 62, 63), this topic really has you upset.

Calm down, no one is going to insist you have straight friends.

BTW, you really need to look up the meaning of "pretentious."

All my previous posts were polite, even if I had a different point of view than you and some other posters. I realize that being respectful of others' opinions and open-minded toward those who are not like me may be unusual qualities on DL. But it hardly equals pretentiousness.

R68, why is he lucky?

R40, you are the very definition of pretentious. And, passive-aggressive.

[quote]You're lucky [R54]. even you must realize that. If all straight men were like your friends we never would have needed a Data Lounge.

Maybe. Most of my straight male friends come from work... in the computer/tech industry. So they're all VERY intelligent, very liberal, and we have a lot in common (geek/nerd stuff as well as work).

I've met them in Columbus, Seattle, Austin, and San Francisco. Even San Antonio, Milwaukee, DC, and Boston.

So they're from all over (and currently live all over). We travel to see each other (the ones that aren't local), and we're welcome in each other's houses to crash at any time. Good, close friends. We chat most every day in most cases, or at least once a week.

Right now we're as far flung as we've ever been, but I spent years living close to all of them, and in some cases, living with them (back in college). Even slept in the same bed as some of them with nobody batting an eye.

It's just a non-issue.

I live in Texas now (even though it's Austin) and still have no issues meeting straight guys and making friends. But then, it IS Austin, and straight guys here dont' seem to have hangups about going to gay bars or anything.

Again, I must be lucky, and if I am, I'm thankful for it.

R41 (et al), if politely disagreeing with you equates in your mind with being pretentious and passive-aggressive, I can see why you might not have many friends, straight or otherwise.

I do think this thread is a pretty good example of why R37, R64 and I seem to have an easier time making friends with straight guys than gay ones.

As I predicted this thread would be gay men ascerting how many heterosexual male friends they have and how easy it is to get them if you are a certain way. This conversation isn't worth having if everyone lies. A couple posters were honest, they wrote heterosexual males are distant from them if they know they are gay. It's not an isolated experience. It's the overwhelming experience of gay people who are known to be gay or thought to be gay. The reason I brought up reality television because I knew people would say that it was just my experience if I said heterosexual males are stand-offish from me and always have been. I've seen this behavior occur with every person known to or thought to be gay in my life. Heterosexual males only want friendships with other heterosexual males. The rare exceptions do not invalidate the rule.

I wish I would have known what I know now when I was a child. Now I'm past that and don't even want a friendship with any heterosexual male.

This link is to a page of a scientific experiment with straight guys, that you will all find to be important work.

R59, I'm curious... do you give them any time to process the information? Or after they act wierd for a few days do you just drop them?

Do you consider that they may think that you tried to lie and deceive them at all? And maybe THAT'S why they're a little cold?

I'm not saying this is how it is, but consider that the "cold" thing might be temporary while they adjust to something new to them. You've had your entire life to accept yourself. Give them at least a few weeks.

One of my closest friends ever reacted badly at first. Patience is a virtue.

R74, this is a message board. I am having a 'conversation' about this topic. You seem rather hung up on my posts. Get a life.

R75 described you perfectly. That's all that needs to be said.

R9/R75, do you actually think I'm being dishonest? Because I assure you I'm not.

That's rape R76.

Like a dog, R77. Everyone has to adjust to the new dog. Right? Right.

No, R79, you're being lucky.

Be aware that the "luck" is referring to not being rejected by homophobes... not that it's 'lucky' to have STRAIGHT (as opposed to GAY) friends.

Maybe we need to define friend.

That's not what I meant by luck R83. I meant lucky to be around so many straight guys who were not in the least homophobic. Dozens, in fact, and they're all his friends.

Dozens.

[quote]I am having a 'conversation' about this topic.

A conversation is an exchange of ideas, not attacking anyone whose experience or opinion differs from yours.

If some (or most) of you have been rebuffed when attempting to be friendly with straight guys, I'm sorry for that. But that's not everyone's experience.

Maybe we've been lucky or just careful about whom we've approached. Clearly, I'm not going to make friendly gestures toward someone who is bigoted or seems like a hopeless right-winger.

I'm suspecting some of it may be generational. Most of my straight male friends are young (20s), though not all.

R87, a conversation is not being talked at, belittled, or eing told how to behave. But, again...I'm 'unlucky'. So, what do I know?

I can easily make friends with straight guys. I love sports and most of them do too. So we have a like interest. That is how one makes friends: like interests.

Straight men who don't love sports? Might be harder. But who cares? I wouldn't want to hang out with someone, gay or straight, who didn't share that interest of mine. Unless he shared another one or two or three.

R87, most of my straight male friends are over 40 (as am I).

For the record, I'm just going to ignore those attempting to mock me, because it's clear that they're pushing an agenda that dictates that I must be lying or exaggerating, or that I'm some pathetic self-loather that seeks out the approval of straight guys... none of which is even remotely true. Though they'd never be convinced of that (any more than a Republican would be convinced of hte reality of climage change, or the fact that being gay isn't a choice).

R90, you're the only one bringing that up. Nobody assumed anything about you. I didn't. Just that you're lucky.

R75, I think some heterosexual males are only interested in befriending other hetero males. But I don't think exceptions are that rare.

R87, I think the issue is that every single one of your straight male friends seems to be perfect. I've had one or two who might qualify for what you describe, others who wouldn't. Then again, I'd find it hard to come with a dozen true friends, straight or gay. DOZENS of acquaintances yes, even over a hundred that I could suffer lunch with. Friends? ????

[quote]For the record, I'm just going to ignore those attempting to mock me, because it's clear that they're pushing an agenda that dictates that I must be lying or exaggerating, or that I'm some pathetic self-loather that seeks out the approval of straight guys... none of which is even remotely true. Though they'd never be convinced of that...

Agreed. Engaging people who are absolutely convinced that their narrow view of the world is the only reality is pointless. It's like talking to the bisexuals-don't-exist brigade who attempt to derail every thread on the topic. They don't believe it's possible and wouldn't accept the concept if they witnessed it with their own eyes.

What do you mean by "perfect"?

Educated, liberal, supportive, accepting?

You really find straight men like that to be so hard to find?

Like I said, I'm a programmer, and most of these guys are in high tech or software. Not a lot of macho ignorant assholes in this world.

There are some. And I am just not friends with them. Or even acquaintences with them.

And as for the whole friends vs. acquaintences thing... let me just soften the definition for you to say that the guys I'm counting are all guys who reach out to me to hang-out or visit, to go out to eat or celebrate their birthdays with, who welcome me to crash at their place any time I need to and I reciprocate that offer... I'm much closer to some than others.

And there are many straight women too. And a few lesbians and gay men as well.

While being gay supportive/accepting is definitely a requirement for friendship imho, "sexual orientation" itself is not a requirement one way or another.

I've build up all these straight guy friends over decades, so "dozens" isn't a huge number. Most are former coworkers that I stay in touch with and became friends with. A couple from school. A few I just met socially..

As someone else said, it's "things we have in common" that's important, not who we sleep with.

[quote] While being gay supportive/accepting is definitely a requirement for friendship imho, "sexual orientation" itself is not a requirement one way or another.

I don't think anyone has said that and if they have it's only by default. That's what the thread was lamenting, after all.

And some of the biggest homophobes I've ever known have been programmers so I don't get the passing off that profession as a given for tolerance.

R95, what you describe is awesome and it's too bad that it seems so rare.

Question though--have you ever had a crush on any of your straight friends? If so, how did you handle it?

In my long career as a programmer, I've only met one guy who was super-homophobic, that I know of. And he was an asshole right-wing republican, and just hopeless.

I've met a few others that were "casually" homophobic, just sorta going along with the flow until they met me and found out I was gay. THen that crap ended. But there were only a few of those.

So maybe you've been unlucky. I dunno. I can't explain it.

I used to hang out with an uncle and aunt who claimed to be accepting of my gayness, but whenever I bought up something regarding LGBT issues (not sex), they'd get all nervous and change the subject. I don't visit them as much as I used to.

Javy trying make straight friends in is lab and an eldergay being friends with his ancient programmer colleagues for umpteen years are two very different things.

I'm sure that's the way it is for the 'lucky' gay guys here, R99. But, I will be told it won't be. But, I know better. And, so do many.

Straight men (most of them) are uptight around women too. That might explain why as men get older their social networks shrink, at least from my observation. They seem to think that a friendly gesture is a come-on. As a bi (choosing not to date men) female it is beyond annoying. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them I'm a lesbian and then they somehow breathe a sigh of relief (probably not). Don't take it personally; straight men are just a self-important lot.

R102, Exactly. A lot of straight men seem to think being friends with someone of the gender they are attracted to, women, is impossible. Then they apply that logic to gay men.

Maybe you should try to get Afterelton to do a weekly feature with straight men who are friends with gay men and the community, the way Afterellen did their Lesbros column. There were a lot of great guys there, and great perspectives.

Could he be buildihg some distance between you because you're batshit crazy? You are the same guy who posted endlessly about your roommate aren't you?

Interesting re: programmers. My closest work colleague (we are on the same project that never ends) is a straight, educated and liberal guy who has gay friends and gets along well with the gay guys in our office.

He also gets along well with me, a lesbian (some straight guys can be odd around us but he's not). My workplace -- full of programmers like me -- is a very cool place for everyone: gay and straight. We all get along and it's not weird. It's not a macho place -- the guys are smart, geeky and cool. I am the only female programmer and I don't mind it. Better than my last job where the guys were so macho/jockish/old-boy...

R105, I backed off my roommate a while ago. I accepted the fact that he's straight and I moved on. I never even told him I had feelings for him, I just a little clingy and followed him everywhere. I stopped doing that, now I'm much better.

Some of my best friends are straight men. Perhaps it comes with maturity. Some young straight men frighten easily. I wouldn't consider any relationship to be a friendship if that person didn't know who I was and what I liked.

Yeah, I do agree that the best route to go is to make friends with guys in the sciences/geeky guys (not talking about gamer nerds here).

Guys like that tend to be less homophobic (and less sexist), and are saddled with much less macho bullshit.

It's easier to make friends with guys in that field if you were to also be part of that field, but there are other ways. If any of your friends are involved in the sciences they can introduce you, visit science stores, or sciency websites.

I love hanging out on i09, a lot of scientists on there and nary a whiff of homophobia or sexism (except for the occasioinal troll who bleed over whenever one of io9's stories are linked out). It's also a hell of a lot of fun to have conversations with rational, intelligent people.

=

I had a friend who himself made friends with a bunch of straight guys. Mind you, he wasn't ultra-effeminate or anything. He slowly got in closer, and then one day he was invited to some house they rented for some group vacation fun shenanigans in the summertime. After several days there some drunk excitement occured--one thing led to another--and they all wind up masturbating in front of each other(though, not doing anything to each other). Well, he was delighted, and felt he was in a magical garden of cocks. But, oh no! He could not touch...

Furthermore, after that they largely left him behind, sometimes to pursue females, though usually to just do some stupid activity he wasn't interested in. He felt morbidly soft and sad, and just spent alot of time at the kitchen island eating cheesecakes.

The moral of the story is that if you make friends with straight guys it might not really work out, and you could just be left behind eating cheesecake, and what kind of life is that?

[quote]Well, he was delighted, and felt he was in a magical garden of cocks.

LOL

Javy if you're actually a university student and at Penn state get out and meet people.

Join clubs for GLBT students, and don't give us that bullshit that "I don't like other gay and bisexual men since they're stuck up", go to the campus GLBT center and talk to people there, go to parties in your dorm or frat parties. If you know people who live in off campus apts see if they want to party.

If you're not into partying just try to meet people in your classes and make small talk with them or ask them if they want to hang out or chill together outside of class.

You're at a university with over 40,000 people at it a lot of who are your age, and living in a town or small city that has a lot of people as well. Get out and meet people.

not true, OP

Not if you are masculine, OP.

d

Go to the gym. That is how I meet masculine bros.

I always thought guys who have problems befriending straight guys are the types that are attracted to straight guys.

Ever since coming out, when a guy tells me he's straight, I lose any sexual/romantic interest in them. I've always had close straight friends, and while there's always been flirting, I've never had any desire to go after one of them. I think that's why it's easy for me to befriend them.

I can easily get a straight guy to like me. With that said, I'm horrible with gay guys. I get nervous around them and tend to come off as a dick. I also say tons of inappropriate things which straight guys don't mind but gay guys do. I have one friend who is envious of all the straight guy friends I have, and I'm envious of all the gay guy friends he has.

I don't agree w putting the "interested in" status on Facebook. I'm a straight female and if I wasn't married I still wouldn't put "interested in men." Too tacky.

It all depends where you live and who these straight guys you are tyring to befriend are, OP. Fuck, even many entrenched Washington neocon Republican straight men have gay male friends.

WTF?

Shoot hoops, play soccer, watch sports at a sports bar. You can meet some great friends by playing and watching sports with dudes. It is how males bond.

All of my closest friends are heterosexual males. It just naturally happens we share the same interests and vibe.

OP, it's just you. All my closest friends are straight males. And most of the new friends I make are the same. I'm very upfront about being gay and it's not an issue.

That said, I live in NY. I can see it being an issue elsewhere.

Almost all my best friends are straight dudes. It's all about what you find in common with people. Stop viewing people as mere demographic categories and bond with them based on common interests.

Yeah it is all about common interests and personalities with people. And of course traveling in social circles with non-close minded demographics.

[quote]Yeah it is all about common interests and personalities with people. . .

and dick size

I've never had a straight male friend, not after I came out anyway. It doesn't bother me, life's too short worrying about who doesn't like me and why.

Why wouldn't you seek out friendships with other gay men? It would seem to solve the problem of the straight girls you don't want and the straight guys who don't want you.

My straight friends far outweigh my gay friends. Way easier to make too.

r127, why do you think that is so, man? Where do you live? How old are you?

It's helpful self-selecting.

Are there any straight guys who would intentionally avoid being friends with a gay person who you would WANT as a friend? Neanderthals and tea-party idiots do us all a favor by keeping their distance. The feeling is mutual. There are plenty of cool straight guys who are fine with gay friends. Stick to them.

R131 is correct; I've lived long enough to know that when a guy pushes you away with one arm and pulls you closer with the other, you listen to the part of him that's pushing you away.

Cut your losses and move on, OP. Though given how long ago this thread started I hope you've long since done that.

It doesn't matter r130, one of the key lessons in life is not to care what other people think of you, it's a waste of time.

I will tell you this, it takes a real man to openly befriend a gay man and not worry about what anyone might think.

Why would a gay guy go out of his way to make friends with straight guys, unless he was trying to prove something to himself?

My friends are generally all gay men. I know a cool straight guy or two, but we don't really hang out too much.

I've never had this problem Most of my friends are straight men. I didn't seek out for that to happen, its just the way it is.

My best friends are all straight men and they know I'm gay. I've been surprised at who will speak openly with me about my love life and gay issues, and who will walk on eggshells; however, none of them treat me any differently than when they thought I was straight. Furthermore, we still hang out alone and they still proactively invite me out, so it's not like they're pretending to be open-minded.

Meanwhile, I've TRIED to be friends with other gay men, but I just get tired of either getting hit on or talking about stupid petty shit that has no interest to me (circuit parties, going to Rehobeth/Fire Island/Palm Springs etc.)...I haven't given up entirely of making friends with other gays; however, the ones who aren't tedious and vapid little queens seem to be few and far between.

I find straights like anyone else can tell when you are attracted to them. Some are ok with that and laugh it off but others freak out a bit. Generally straights are not used to having other men look at them that way. It is the reversal if the male gaze.

c

I fuck gay men but I don't hang with them or trust them as far as I can piss.

I hang with straight females. They understand me and love me and we have so much in common.

I avoid straight men and dykes. Fuck them. They hate gays.

I have all gay male and straight female friends. I forget that straight men even exist sometimes, and that's a beautiful thing.

I have acquaintances of all orientations, colors, etc., but my closest friends are gay men and a few lesbian chicks. I am a gay man but I find that I have very little in common with straight women. Most are way too emotional for me. That's the demographic I hang with the least. When I go to a movie or to hang out, it's almost always with a gay male buddy.

Bullshit. It's much easier than making friends with the cunty Mean Gays that populate any major city.

I'm really not a people person to begin with. I'd rather work out alone or curl up with a good book. People aren't work the trouble and I am quite happy this way.

It just happens that all my close friends are straight dudes. I am gonna be best man to one of them. We are bros. sexual orientation does not matter.

OP-

GBFs (gay best friends) are becoming the ultimate fashion accessory for straight guys. We are the ultimate wing man, able to chat up the ladies without being a threat. They aren't very good in the reverse role (chatting up dudes for us) and are HORRIBLE at introducing us to their cousins brother in law just because he's also gay.

The next time my best buddy tries to set me up, I'm going to punch him.

I lost my straight male friends when I came out. They suddenly got very busy. What bothers me now is that when someone at work (I work in a large office) finds out I'm gay, they won't even look at me if we pass each other in the hallway. Their shoes suddenly become very important and must be stared down at.

People who categorize and view large groups of people with ridiculous and overbroad generalizations tend not to befriend people who are different. Some of you guys' bizarre and outdated views about heterosexual men, as well as gay/bi men, are the real reason you are not friends with straight guys. It is clear that many, many gay and bi guys today have close friendships with straight guys, yet you continue to spout the same tired outdated stuff about how such relationships are doomed to fail. Well, your attitude is a self-fulfilling prophesy, and people who don't have those weird barriers to friendship and brotherhood are living their lives free of those primitive constraints.

Ate you a gay man r148?

R141 is living my nightmare.

that sucks. i do think it's worse for gay men on this because for some reason many straight men seem so insecure about this and are more likely to be actively homophobic. lesbians are more likely to have straight friends being ok with them (some straight women are still homophobic or think highly of themselves and that the lesbian is into them though).

A lot of gay men are uncomfortable around straight guys. One of my gay friends act all weird and uncomfortable around my straight male bros, who obviously have no problem being close friends with non-hetero males. My gay friend seems to think he can't relate to straight dudes, which makes him stick out when hanging with my friends. It is a self-fulfilling prophesy for gay dudes like him. Get beyond your comfort zone and just chill with the bros.

I've definitely seen that as well R152. Some gay men are clearly uncomfortable around straight men as if they don't know what to do. Or god forbid attractive straight men makes it even worse.

Of course, many straight guys are weird around gay guys as well.

I am a gay guy with a lot of straight guy, gay guy and straight girl friends and while I care about them all it does tend to be the case that the straight girls are a little too emotional which can be frustrating to deal with.

Im finding that as I get older I have more straight guy friends than gay friends. I really want more gay friends because I cant discuss EVERYTHING with straight guys. But gay men are so hard to get along with sometimes.

I have way fewer friends that are women now than I did a few years ago. Most younger women are so hyper judgmental of themselves and other women and people that I can only deal with them in small doses. It was fun when I was a twink but its just not cute anymore.

Exactly. Almost all of my close friends are heterosexual dudes. I have a gay male friend, but I like hanging out of my straight friends most of the time, not because they are straight, but because they are my best friends. When I invite my gay friend to accompany us, he usually comes up with some lame excuse why he can't hang with us. And on the rare occasion he vibes with us, he seems so uncomfortable that he does not bond with my other friends. I just tell him to chill and be a regular dude. He seems to have some type of block in his mind about mixing with straight guys. It is very weird to me.

Male-friend-bonding between straight men, between gay men and between gay and straight men are all very different. In a very similar way that male-friend bonding between women, straight men, and between women and straight men is very different.

But just as it is becoming more common for straight men to have platonic friendships with women, it is becoming more common for straight and gay men to become friends.

[quote]I just tell him to chill and be a regular dude. He seems to have some type of block in his mind about mixing with straight guys. It is very weird to me.

r155, its not that strange. Most gay men have a mild form of PTSD from being tortured in their youth by straight guys. Im more comfortable with socializing one on one with straight men. When you get three or more straight men together, even if they are all gay friendly, they usually start this pack mentality thing. This is when a lot of gay men subconsciously feel like they need to leave. It takes a lot of time and socialization to get over this.

And of course, you could just have boring or annoying friends. Maybe he just doesn't have anything to converse with them about!

I don't have any gay male friends, because well, I hate homosexuals.

I'm single and have been single for most of my life. I'll probably die alone, which is cool, I blame gay men for the reason I'm single.

I hate the fact I'm gay, and waking up everyday is a dread. But, my straight male bros, yes, I said "bros" (I'm 58, but get confused for 19 all the time), allow me to forget I'm gay. Plus, I'm accepted by the cool dudes.

Str8 dudes are so chill and HAWT. Gay guys are homos and flamers and gross and AIDS infested.

My str8 bros just chillax and I suck them off. Then we go shop at Aeropostale.

Peace.

[quote] I just tell him to chill and be a regular dude.

He should punch you out. That's a "regular dude" thing.

R158 just summed up this entire thread in one post. Bravo.

[quote]Most gay men have a mild form of PTSD from being tortured in their youth by straight guys.

that's interesting, I've never experienced that so I can't really feel the same way. I get along with straight guys at the same rate that I do with gay ones.

I have noticed that some people are very spooked or apprehensive about intimate interaction with people who are ostensibly different. For instance, I have white friends that are uncomfortable hanging out with my black friends when they will be the only white person in the group or at a predominantly black venue. Some of my Christian friends feel uncomfortable handing out with my Muslim friends if they think that Muslims will be in the majority. Some of my Black friends don't like to hang out in overwhelmingly White groups. I have a hard time understanding this mentality. Enjoy diversity, find commonality with different people, stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. People always say that I am easy going and bond with just about anyone. For me, it's about not being intimidated by social barriers and categories.

I am a femme gay woman and most of my friends are straight women! The only thing different about us, is like chicks romantically

OP, I've actually heard this from a lot of gay male friends. It must be something specific to the way men socialize. Most women I know - lesbian, straight and bi - all socialize with other women of a variety of orientations and don't tend to compartmentalize this way. I honestly have no idea why guys should be any different.

All my best friends are straight men.

All my gay male friends are bar friends and former sexual partners.

[quote]I cant discuss EVERYTHING with straight guys.

Some friends.

I'm butcher than most "straights" and most of my inner circle is gay. Tho business wise most are straight. I'm one of those people that straights will feel comfortable around, probably like an Anderson Cooper type, who doesn't make or show that I live up to all the gay steroetypes. I even have been told that by straight people once I told them or confirmed I was gay. That they don't mind being around me because i'm not Fem, like a Rock Hudson type gay guy. My response usally is, "Is thanks I guess but I don't think i'm better than any other gay person because I don't fit the steroetype of a gay male."

I'm gay and with the exception of 2 gay friends who live far away from me, all of my male friends are straight. I live in Europe and I think the mind-set is different.... and I also think among well educated people, and in creative fields, it's just not an issue. It never has been in my life.

Well, it's especially hard when you fall in love with them.

I thought I was doing perfectly fine with this straight guy being in my life.

He extended a few kindnesses and one day: crap! I woke up with a massive crush.

It's not him; it's me. I find it impossible to be around him now.

I'm not saying it can't be done, but it's best if I never see this guy again.

Almost all my friends are straight dudes. It is just what I am naturally drawn to in friendships. We vibe from our common interests, and sexual orientation is not relevant.

This guy posts on Datalounge, I'm sure of it. He is pathetic:

Based on R169, it sounds like gay guys don't always make it easy for straight men to be friends with them either.

R169 is on point, that's happened to me a couple of times. Best way to make straight guy friends is to find the friendly straight guy who has no qualms about you being gay, likes hanging out with you, but most importantly - WITH WHOM YOU DO NOT FIND OR WILL FIND ATTRACTIVE AT ALL!

Unless you have some sort of social disorder or socially inept, then making friends is NOT hard - gay or straight. Unless, OP, you're looking to bang your friends or expect some sort of Disney type romantic comedy where the friend falls in love with you and you live happily ever after.

I'm a straight guy, and I wouldn't mind having some gay male friends.

If you want hetero male friends, you have to stay in the closet.

The minute you come out, you have to spend the rest of you life with the other fags.

Many bi and gay dudes have close straight friends. However, they tend to be quite masculine and not a part of gay culture. They tend to not view their sexual orientation as making them any different or less "dudely" than their heterosexual brethren. They tend to think of themselves as part of the mainstream, not an outsider. They also tend to love sports, hip hop or rock, and are athletic.

r175, what an ignorant posting.

R177, sadly, R175 is not totally ignorant.

Sure, there are some straight guys who won't make an issue out of it, but most will. Especially the attractive ones.

Seriously, it comes up; I wish it didn't matter, but it does in many (most?) cases.

R172, you have a great point. In fairness, though, this one snuck up me.

Figuratively, that is.

If you love football, this is not even an issue. Get to a sports bar, bro.

p

Q

Actually, I find it easier to make friends with straight men and have much deeper friendships with them than with gay men.

I am bi, but I see lots of gay dudes with close straight dude friends.

R184, one of my best friends is a straight man (I am a gay man), but make no mistake, if either one of us called each other "dude," the other would be fully justified in punching the "dude" caller's face.

"Dude." Please.

The vast majority of my friends are straight men. I didn't plan for it to happen that way, it just did. Maybe those here who think its so difficult to be friends with a straight guy are trying too hard? Just be yourself and see what happens.

I find it easier to make friends with gay guys than with straight guys. I actually don't have any straight male friends...none that I can think of. Life is peachy. :)

Two of my closest friends are straight guys, plus many other friends, and I'm in a "flyover" state university and very openly gay. I've talked to them about things I wouldn't dream of mentioning to some gay and female friends. I do get where many are douche bags to gay guys though. Just put on the old charm, and if they still don't warm to you, you don't need them!

I hate to break this to you OP, but you're the type of gay guy that even gay guys don't want to be friends with. Sometimes the truth really, really hurts.

However, there is a solution:

Gun...Mouth...Trigger...Pull...

Just be a dude. Stop making up barriers to just being a normal red blooded male,

not true, OP

I amazed when I meet straight guys who are completely comfortable around gay men.

Usually they first met gay guys in school or work. Once they realize that we're not a threat, they are accepting.

I'm great friends with my neighbors who are straight guys. I guess what brought us together were that we buying apartments in the building at the same time. Having that in common bonded us more than my being gay would scare them.

Straight men bond over football and women. It's often tough for a gay guy to get in the middle of those conversations.

The real truth is even straight guys don't create strong ties with other straight guys.

They are unemotional beings.

R193, what a narrow world you live in. Mentally AND geographically. Many many MANY straight men don't give two fucking shits about football or sports, in general. Many don't want to talk much about women, either. Because that stuff is for SMALL MINDS. Not sure what kind of middle management suburb dwelling, skid-marked underwear sporting men you are hanging with.

My straight male friends are smarter than that. More world aware and educated than that. More mature than that.

The thing about a thread like this is that you will have the kinds of relationships with men, with women, with your career, with everyone, with the WORLD depending upon your beliefs and psychological make-up. If you THINK it is hard to be friends with straight males, then it will be. The thing is, as another poster said, you will probably have a harder time having genuine friendships with MEN, in general, though. Intimacy is intimacy and it doesn't have to involve sex or fucking. Straight men and gay men have much more in common than gay men and women. The OLDER you grow, you will see this more and more. Life becomes less about compulsory sex and more about relationships.

If you THINK straight men are nothing more than a stereotype, nothing more than beer swilling, belching, farting, sports-addicted, women obsessed creatures, then that is what you will find. And you will MISS millions of men in the world who are NOT like that. Sometimes we don't know what we don't know because we are the product of our own biased thinking and our limited world view. At one time people thought the world was flat, too. Remember that. Our thoughts draw things to us, create our own reality.

Oddly, straight men are the LEAST criticized group on the DL, first is women, followed by our fellow gay men, and then straight guys.

I'm friends with a few straight guys, I think they like me because they can talk to me about their feelings in ways they wouldn't be comfortable talking to straight men or women. They want to impress other straight men and of course they want to impress women, but they don't care about being impressive to a gay man, our opinion of them matters the least to them.

However, that said, I don't think straight men are necessarily better friends than gay men or women. It all depends on the individual.

I think it's tough making friends with closet-cases, which is generally the case if a "straight" male finds fault in you because you are gay. Straight males who are biologically hard-wired to like women and have zero same-sex attraction are fine easy to be friends with. Openly gay men who are openly gay in every facet of their life (work, school, social settings, etc.) are the easiest to be friends with. They are probably the nicest and best people I have known/know. They are at ease with themselves and happy.

I have several straight guy friends. One who is married and I have became best friends with his wife. He and I talk about sex sports and his wife and I shop together. Some guys are not open to gay guys. Guys with homophobia don't want to talk to me.

[quote] I just wish guys could let their guard down around gay dudes

I bet you do. At least you aren't closeted. i'm a poster child for why straight males should be suspicious. It's like I had a target on my back and didn't know it.

You're lucky you aren't straight. Creep on women you don't want, and they'll have some thug beat you within an inch fo your life. Your unrequited men will just do what this very smart man did. The intensity of your complaint suggests anything but pure intentions.

It is not "phobia" to be disgust ed by unwanted sexu8al attention. Women are not "heterophobic."

Recently, I had to terminate a three-decade friendship with a man I figured out was gay about fgive years ago. His denials were laugable, and I learned even more "tells" -- biggest one is "men all around" -- but even when I kept warning him not to sexualize conversations, he kept doing it. I think FIFTY warnings were enough. It got to where I felt like I was playing goalie, just waiting for the next puck to come at me at 100 mph after I made an innocent remark that he would somehow turn dirty and perverted.

Gays are sick, predatory, sex-addicted fucks who can't accept their inability to get women, so they use emotionally-deficient men as substitute targets. This is why so many of them get the living shit kicked out of them. They *almost* deserve it.

Most straight men have low expectations - really low - of their male friends. They like uncomplicated, drama-free, guys who they can do things with that they enjoy and who they can goof around with.

Unless they are homophobes, or on the autism spectrum, or very unsociable, a straight guy will usually be open to friendship if you are laid back, can crack a few jokes, and enjoy the same sports / TV/ games as they do.

They do get very uncomfortable around flamers and melodrama, however, even if they aren't phobes.

R197,

don't be surprised if your "straight" friend hits on you at some point.

Truly straight men have zero tolerance for gays. The ones who claim to are either not erally tolerant, or not really straight.

Do women turn you on? NO.

R196 is right. It's the closet cases who are downright predatory. They ruin it for the openly gay people.

R198, sick, sex-addicted, and yet, here you are, honey, reaching out, shooting the breeze with us!

Get therapy.

R195,

Don't be so sure your friends are straight.

Wow R200, just wow.

I honestly feel bad for you and wonder what happened to you to make you so fucked up.

Sorry, there are TONS of nonbigoted straight guys out there who are friends with gay guys all around the world.

some straights are afraid. I don't mind gays but i will never have a close friendship with them. or invite them to my house.

And r196 and R201 are right. Closet cases living as straight will always be the nastiest to gay men. They are terrified of their own feelings and being called out themselves.

[quote]I like un-complicated straight guys who just want to hang out

There's no such thing as "un-complicated straight guys".

[quote]Oddly, straight men are the LEAST criticized group on the DL, first is women, followed by our fellow gay men, and then straight guys.

You're right. I also suspect the majority of Datalounge did not even comment in the Philly Gay Bashing thread or even cared about it and it was a select few commenting again and again.

But, this is datalounge and like other homophobic gay sites like realjock.com, justusboys.com, outsports.com, etc. It's no different.

R201, you are exactly right.

[quote] some straights are afraid. I don't mind gays but i will never have a close friendship with them. or invite them to my house.

Is this a gay person, a gay person with severe mental problems, or a troll?

R208 You forgot the "gaybros" of reddit

All of my male friends are straight guys who know I'm gay, and they're nothing but supportive. That said, I came out to each of them after we became friends...I imagine it'd be harder to make friends with straight guys if they know you're gay right off the bat.

R198=big liar who never met any real gay people. But keep jerking off to that scenario, hon.

R189 is proof that straight homophobes are behind all the suicide encouragement on datalounge.

The most attractive straight men always assume that everyone wants their dick, including all their straight male friends, so these are the best friends for a gay guy to have because they aren't fooled by the pretend disinterest of their straight "buddies."

Ugh. I remember the "bro" threads of the dreaded Javier.

"I'm a dudebro at Penn State! I'm not gay, I just like sucking dick! Why doesn't everyone over 22 just DIE kthxbi."

Not really, OP.

wow

O

R198 is a liar. First of all, women deal with unwanted male attention every day without getting violent or trying to make the offerers "disappear." This notion that females "don't put up with" unwanted attention is not only a lie, but a huge fucking whopper. I think this "straight" dude doesn't actually know any women in any intimate or trusted sense. They certainly never have "some thug" go beat up a guy who is bugging them. Indeed, it is normal for straight males who are bothering the same woman to cooperate rather than compete.

Second, gays are not predatory sick fucks. If you gave someone a warning FIFTY times than no wonder he ignored it. You, sir, are a fraud. You liked his dirty humour either because you're a closet case or you're a hysterical religious phoney. Or most likely both.

[quote] Being openly gay and making straight male friends is tough.

Possibly. But we're not really missing out.

Anyone who would reject someone for being gay could never really be a decent friend anyway. Saves time.

Being openly gay and making friends with straight guys who are hard-wired to like women is not hard. It's the "straight" guys, the closeted gay guys who make it difficult. Ir's not your problem, it's their problem. And, R221 is right, you are not missing out. You are actually better off.

No, it isn't OP. Not at all. Most of our friends are straight men.

Frankly, I don't really much like "straight" male friends. I prefer the company of people like me - unapologetically, openly gay male.

Interestingly, I do have one good straight male friend, and it was actually HE who kind of nurtured our friendship - I wasn't really into him, but after wearing me down, I do now enjoy our walks around the block and occasional lunches together.

I suspect that the person who started this thread probably lives in a small town, not SF or New York where you encounter hundreds of strangers every single day, and the fact that one of them doesn't like you because you're openly gay is as significant as what you had for breakfast three years ago today. lol

OP- you stated that your classmate would figure your sexuality out after connecting with you on Facebook and seeing your preference for men. This seems to me in a sense the problem with how you are coming "out" to your straight male friends. Would he not have figured this out, even if is radar isn't tuned, if he hadn't read this on your Facebook profile? If not, you really need to be more up front and not have these guys you want to be friends with discover who you are on their terms, but be more upfront and honest with them.

I think you might still be in a closet with the door crack open if you're not being more upfront with your new friends.

r225, what are you suggesting he do, make an announcement every time he meets someone? Straight people don't feel like they have to do it.

Announce what, R226?

[quote]Announce what, [R226]?

sexual orientation

Educated urban hip younger straight men can be friends with gay men. You just need to let them know your relationship is platonic. And have some common interests helps.

That's he's gay, R228? But, he could talk about his partner/boyfriend if he had one, right?

So ridiculous. I have several straight male friends. It wasn't tough.

[quote]most guys are going to keep you at arms length once they figure out your sexuality

Are you posting from Nigeria, OP?

Offer to give them blow jobs. Some will go for it. But they've gotta know you won't say anything.

Men make friends via activities and hobbies, so it is easier for a gay guy and a straight guy who like things like golf or road racing to become friends.

It is tougher for lesbians to make friends with straight women, because women bond over intimacy and feelings.

[quote]Are you posting from Nigeria, OP?

No, it is posting from NYC, wondering if Liza can really speak French, and lamenting the fact it doesn't have any straight male friends.

It's not difficult at all to make straight male friends. I had a straight roommate and I got along with him famously and loved hanging out with his friends. We still meet up for a drink and he talks about girls and I talk about guys.

He loved having me as a wingman because as soon as a woman found out he had a gay roommate they instantly thought he was a nice, sensitive guy. (He was an awesome guy, but a total player and pussy hound.)

I agree with R224 that you don't live in New York, LA of SF.

Are you joking R234? Golf or road racing?

A few of my straight male friends:

(1)-(3) Colleagues and classmates from med school. All three of them are straight guys and two of them work in the tri-state area with me. We all stay in touch.

(4) A guy I've known for years in a running club and I started training together for a race several years ago. We go to the same gym, sometimes work out together. He's become my closest friend in the city outside of my husband.

(5) The husband of one of my best friends. We became friends hanging out as couples. We hang out with our spouses, get advice from each other, go to the U.S. Open together because our spouses don't enjoy it.

(6) ThesStraight guy in a downstairs neighbour couple. The guy and I have nothing in common, but we've shared the same brownstone for so long it only works because we're close. I take care of their kid all the time. The take care of my dog, came to the hospital with me when my mom got sick, visit her, and on and on. Great guy in great couple.

That's just six. No golf. No road-racing.

what kind of idiot are you r237? He wasn't limiting it to golf or racing. The point was that typical guy activites were more conducive to friendship because they were activity-based instead of about personal feelings.

After 40, it is hard for anyone to make friends

Then you're trying to befriend the wrong people r239.

real friends--not just people you hang out in bar with--are hard to come by.

just be yourself

don't try so hard as others have said

show an interest in them and their interests

join groups of like minded people, gardening, volunteering, drag queen makeovers whatever...find some common areas.

[quote]drag queen makeovers whatever.

Why the fuck would you put something like that in there?

It would work if you really did not want to blow them. You know you want it.

[quote] It is tougher for lesbians to make friends with straight women, because women bond over intimacy and feelings.

Not true. Women bond over complaining--straight and lesbians do it equally well.

I've always had too many straight women friends.

Stop being so weird. Just be a dude.

r238 you should watch who you're calling an idiot. You're repeating the same error by taking about "typical guy activiities".

You're not only stereotyping "straight guys" but act like making friends with straight guys is some sitcom-driven exercise where the girl tries to like the things the guy does. Straight guys - like gay guys - are a diverse group.

The point, which eluded you despite substantial information, was that making straight guy friends is not about "typical straight guy things". You must think that gay men only do "typical gay guy things" as well.

The reason I and many gay guys have several close straight male friends is that we have connections that have nothing to do with stereotypes. You find friends in all walks of life by relating to other people you meet where you are.

If you and the OP don't get that, we've figured out what's wrong with both of you.

the problem with you r237 / r246 is that you mentioned a those sport things like running and going to the U.S. Open. Don't you know that DL queens think sports are icky straight guy things, and that going to the gym is a sport?

r238 probably played with dolls, goes only to gay clubs, worships Beyonce and Britney and lives for fashion and soap operas.

Below is OP/ r234 / r238 and what it would be like for them to relate to straight men...

I can imagine that being a straight male and making friends with straight females is tough.

r246 & r247, you're both kooks, and probably effeminates, though 247 is definitely more of both. You made all kinds of ridiculous assumptions about r238. The simple point in that post had NOTHING to do with gay guys vs straight guys or that there was any difference between them or any sort of "stereotype." It was about the difference between males and females. The truth is that most male friendships tend to be centered on activities of one kind or another (too many of these to list). Female friendships are more likely to be based on discussion of feelings, relationships, etc.

The thing that gives r247 away as an effeminate is that he thought r238's quote of "typical guy activities" referred to some crazy perception of straight guys only, when it should be clear to a normal person that it simply meant male.

Other than their attractions, there is no difference between straight guys and gay guys. Effeminates on the other hand are a walking gender psychosis.

I've my 15 "great friends" five are straight guys. I do like sports, and trust me, that helps.

r249, I was joking. You on the other hand are a fucking moron, and now you're bashing "effeminates".

You and r238 ARE stereotyping, saying straight guys depend on activities, not on feelings. It's like you don't know any straight men. Straight guys have plenty of feelings and are no more "activity" centered than gay men are.

And r234's suggestion that golf and road racing could not have been a dumber parody of that point if he tried. For you and anyone to say he didn't just mean golf and racing are missing the point. Why not add bowling, college football, or a monster truck show?

Get a fucking clue.

And as for me, I would challenge you to any sport, any time, any day. And I would kick your ass.

You dimwitted fucktard at r251, you're still doing the same thing even after you were called out on it and it was explained to you.

ONE MORE TIME..... r238 said nothing about STRAIGHT guys. It was about MALES, both straight and gay.

And yes, men and women are different, as hard as that may be for you accept. Of course if you really are an effeminate, that explains it all.

You might as well give up r252, you ARE dealing with effemopoops. They have no concept of reality and are 100% devoted to smearing same-sex attraction by trying to associate it with their freakishly concocted brand of prissiness.

Jesus, R252 and R253.

Fucking freaks. R251 is dead on. Now you're stereotyping men and women, which is bullshit, bashing gay men.

I seriously doubt you have friends, period, much less a dick.

I would love to get you in a boxing ring and punch the shit out of you..

[quote]Now you're stereotyping men and women, which is bullshit, bashing gay men.

Noting that men and women are different is stereotyping? LOL.

There was nothing in either of those posts "bashing gay men." The truth is that your little prissy self was upset by the sentence "Other than their attractions, there is no difference between straight guys and gay guys."

[quote]I would love to get you in a boxing ring and punch the shit out of you.

If it wasn't clear before that you had issues, this makes it definitive.

All that is too much for me too untangle. But yes, it's probably a little harder to make friends if you're an effeminate. Many people are put off by that.

I totally forgot that "Brandon" was the name of the unattainable straight ballerina in this unrequited love story.

Just be a normal dude.

d

Stop acting feminine. That repels guys,

What about the gay women? I don't care what the orientation of a person is. Some people seem to think that if one befriends a gay person that ANYONE can freely comment or take liberties with the "friendship". I am heterosexual. Period. If I have a gay friend they are homosexual they need to to see what the boundaries are. What about the straight people that make everyone else feel uncomfortable by overstepping the boundaries? Females do it too. The straight ones and the gay ones. Gossip is what ruins a lot of relationships as well as unwanted advances. Straight or gay. People have trouble respecting boundaries and one another's personal lives.

Hmmm

I think a lot of straight guys are insecure about their own sexuality when confronted to gay guys.

Kinsey has shown that there is no such thing as being 100% hetero or 100% homo. So the 10% homo tendencies they have in them may stir that insecurity.

On the other hand I would have a hard time pretending I'm interested in a conversation about football or how this or that chick has such big breasts or a nice ass.

It's tough to find straight guys that aren't nervous around someone openly gay.

[R28],[R30] I generally have the same attitude. I just go by the individual in who I befriend. I don't care about the whatevers of race, age, status, gay, straight, footlicker, and so on. But no matter how much I don't care, the labels tend to pronounce themselves anyway, to some extent it's like we have to be stereotypes so we can "figure" one another out. You can not not be unlabled. Okay so I'm rambling, whatever man Anyways, I love landing a hetero it's a great grab and if he's also already a friend, well, you'll just have one more thing to tell his wife about after the divorce.

As long as you love football/sports and are masculine, you should have MSNY straight dude friends.

"you'll just have one more thing to tell his wife about after the divorce."

psycho

I just don't find straight guys that interesting. If you're not talking about sports, high school, cars/motorcycles, job, money, pussy... there's not much left.

With the women, after kid-talk it drops off sharply.

As long as you love at least one major sport, especially football, you not have to be super masculine to have straight friends.

Just tell him you are not looking to get into his pants. He will relax.

You should concentrate on having a few good friends of whatever kind.

Yeah, do what R271 says. Tell him you're not some creepy, sex-crazed predator like how R271 sees himself.

Can you imagine gay people saying this to a straight male? What kind of self-loathing and mental problems does one have in order to even think this? And, they're out saying this there because R271 exists.

You're being ridiculous, r273

You're trolling me all over this site, R274. Here, Rodgers's thread.

I seem to have more straight male friends these days, though they're always surprised when I don't join in their complaints about feminism.

Feminism?

Just be a dude. Stop all the "gay" is different crap. Brah.

I've found that it really depends on where you live. In more progressive areas, it's not a big deal at all. In conservative areas, it's not likely to happen.

This really depends on how much your sexual preferences define your identity, however. Many out gay men (especially young ones) do not have a personality beyond "I am gay and I like sex with men." If you have developed other personality traits beyond that, you can use those traits to find common ground with just about everyone. If you can't do that, or if you're constantly talking about gay issues or--even worse--gay sex, then you will likely not have many friends at all.

Keep in mind that most people would not want to be friends with someone constantly talking about straight issues or straight sex all the time either.

No gay people actually do that R279.

You people do it all the time r280.

My straight male friends are a lot of fun, and there is no sexual tension. Win win!

Bmp

Not if you are masculine

The most difficult part of maintaining friendships with straight men is that they are mostly quite boring.

I've got mixed feelings about this. All throughout high school, my best friends were straight guys. After graduating and going to college, I didn't really keep up with them as much as I should have. I came out of the closet around that time. I also lost interest in a lot of things that many straight guys like -- mainly video games, since neither I nor my high school friends gave a shit about sports. I have a handful of straight guy friends today, and it's fun to talk with them about the arts and whatnot. But they're not anywhere near as close with me as my old friends were. And sometimes they do seem a bit nervous around me. I wonder if it's because I'm gay. It could also be because I'm weird.

Then don't do it.

Do you have a need to be friends with them for a reason ?

They have no problem with weird people, just gays.

hanging out I don't understand because I have had so many gay friends and many of passed away as living in Dominican Republic in a friendly way regation and apparently had HIV that you can share with me but they always treat me so kindly and respectfully for the most part is that the overly dominant and just totally insecure myself I've always loved women but you know what I love people most of all I'm a Libra and I'm spiritual and some of my gay friends have been the best people that I've ever met in my life but I have no attraction to them like that at all even though they constantly give me complimentsyou know I'm I'm extremely straight guy was married 15 years I have my children and right now I love my girlfriend of 7 years you know but I really just I miss the guys that I meet in third world countries because you're not sodefensive and in trying to throw your gaydom in my thinking that you're going to make me feel uncomfortable somehow or something most of all I run into lesbians. Have a girlfriend but the girlfriend is interested in me and they get very offended by that but is that my problem or my fault as soon as I realized I totally get respect in and go part of me I didn't realize but at the same time the men you know because some of you guys you know really hate us straight guys you know because you've had bad experiences but is not just a terrible thing to do is to start charging everybody by one way because waste 11 percent accurate this is a great day for you guys and I'm happy for you the only thing I'm not happy about is the on originality of the turn gay my grandfather is very upset the gated and just mean happy anymore but I'm sure that was just a trim they used any of those guys are really happy huh so you know the term got taken so that kind of gave it away you know but what really kind of upsets me is that you know my daughter you know she was doing rainbows you know and all the girls at the school started calling her a lesbian and she's an artist and it really sucks that your community doesn't have more originality you know why do you have to take the rainbow from the children take the happy out of gay and take the partners at a cowboy anyway I love you all anyways but how about some originality huh I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of hate from this but you know what fuck you all not me but somebody else love dougity cruise

Asshole Republicans are the majority of straight men. Until that changes who would want to be around such scum?

Most of my friends are straight. Oddly enough, I have lost two straight male friends because their wives considered me some sort of threat. I don't go after straight men, and I don't even go after attached gay men. But, those two women made their husbands friendships with me such an issue, their husbands ended their friendships with me. According to mutual friends, one of the witches still refers to me as her husband's "boyfriend" and needles her husband about me even though her husband and I have not spoken in almost 2 years.

The only straight men who'd accept gay males as friends, are the artsy or intellectual types (writers, musicians, designers). On the opposite spectrum: I've never heard of a blue collar straight man with gay male friends and I don't think they exist.

Some gays (especially at work) try to win the favour of straight guys by ratting out male colleagues, who they suspect are in the closet.

[quote]the only straight men who'd accept gay males as friends, are the artsy or intellectual types (writers, musicians, designers).

I think this is the truth.

Also when you're friendly with their GF or wife...who acts as a buffer.

I lead a separate but equal way of life and I think I'm healthier for it. And, happier.

Not if you are masculine and love sports

Ghhh

I've never had trouble having strong friendships with straight men.

My friend, who is gay, was an expert at it. Of course, it came with a price because they usually wanted something from him: sex on the down-low, money, a place to flop, free booze and cigarettes, etc.

Where do you live rOP. I find it easy. I'm friends mostly with straight dudes. I often bond playing sports, shooting hoops, gym partners, watching sports, going to sports bars. Find common interests and activities.

I am perfectly happy to have all my best friends be gay. I have zero interest in being friends with a straight guy - after I came out most of my guy friends from college never treated me the same, so my attitude is fuck them. I don't even bother with them anymore. Sure, I have straight work friends or casual friends that are straight men. But not close friends or best friends. I

Me either R301. Feel just like you.

I stopped being friends with straight guys when I realized all the subtle conditions on our friendship. First, having to put up with their "no homo" posturing. They would always say things to reinforce things that they were straight.

Also, it was almost as if I wanted to be privileged enough to hang out with a straight bro then I better adapt to their world - learn sports talk, car talk, girls., videogames.. But if I talked about anything gay related or about the hot guy I went on a date with last night they wouldn't want to hear about it or be uncomortable. Talking about the waitresses nice tits and how they totally wanted to bone her was fine though, of course.. Just seemed like I had to tiptoe around a lot of subjects that I dont have to with my gay friends. It was even worse in a pack of straight men.

Most of these guys claiming to have straight friends are full of shit (there are exceptions to every rule) I can almost guarantee they are not close friends. Only aquaintances that hang out every now and then.

How old are you R303?

I have plenty of straight friends and none of those things are issues. They don't talk about "wanting to bone the waitress" either.

PS> Not all straight men are into sports or video games either. And plenty of gay men are.

I had a super close friend who was bisexual. When he got married he used a bunch of male exes in his wedding party which made for some awkward moments. The wife became super jealous of me although i have never done any flirting or other stuff with him. But I accidentally uncovered he was cheating on her with a female neighbor and since then I've kept a certain distance between us, not because I disapprove - I care nothing for monogamy - but I don't want to get involved in any family drama.

Good for you R304.

I find that most straight men don't make close friendships with anyone.

I find that straight men are so starved for friendship that, the second you show any interest in learning about their lives, they get so excited and think they've made a close friend.

That's a lie

How times have changed- many of my gay friends have settled down, gotten married and some even have kids! They never go out unless it's to someplace kid friendly! Meanwhile, my still single straight guy friends are always up for going out- whether it's a weeknight concert, dinner and drinks, Sunday brunch, go kart racing, or a visit to the cigar bar. We have even vacationed together- in fact, last year we all traveled to Miami to attend a wedding between two of our gay friends who moved away. OP, I think you either have outdated ideas about how straight men behave, or you live in some flyover backwater place where they still act the way you described.

Gay men love the straight. They do.

Straight men have nicer, hairier anuses

Go to a sports bar, shoot hoops at the local basketball court, go to church with a men’s group, go to the gym.

Yum bumped an 8 year old thread? MARY!!!!

You bumped*

Sports bars

If you are truly masculine, you shouldn’t have problems befriending straight guys.

OP, just be the best you.

[quote]Gay men love the straight. They do.

News at 11.

I want to add another factor, which might have been touched on, but I have a male friend that sort of keep me around for his validation. I'm the my friend he calls when his date has a last minute schedule change and can't make dinner, or he's at a bar and wants company. He knows he's beautify, but I will only occasionally give him a compliment. We became friends after he complimented my looks at work. I didn't expect it and he wasn't hitting on me, he's just a genuinely a nice guy. He's also hot and bit of a player with girls. I think we both know that I would get down on my knees for him in a New York Minute, but out of respect I don't ever cross that line. He tells me that he forgets that I'm gay, until I mention something about guys. I think he believes it's a compliment. I don't modify my behavior and we exchange dating stories like any other group of guys. I'm happy to call him a friend, but the relationship is NOT like his friendships with other straight guys. It's a weird thing that is different than my other relationships as well. If he wasn't hot, I would still hangout with him. But, it helps that he literally looks like Jacob Elordi.

I have other straight friends that are like salt to the earth people. I'm just one of the guys and have been welcomed right into their group. They are some of the favorite guys, gay or straight, to hangout with, but they aren't nearly as hot as my Jacob Elordi doppelganger.