Being openly gay and making straight male friends is tough.
Let's keep it 100, most guys are going to keep you at arms length once they figure out your sexuality. Now I'm not super feminine, but after talking to me, you can kinda feel me out and get the idea that I'm gay. I really felt like I was developing a friendship with this guy in Bio lab, but lately, I'm noticing that he keeps his distance. For instance, I'll try and engage him and ask him about the lecture and he responds with short sentences. When I first met him, he was so chit-chatty, but now I'm lucky if he gives me a head nod. I have a theory that once he added me on Facebook, he saw the "interested in men" on my page, so it probably freaked him out. I just wish guys could let their guard down around gay dudes, because most of us are chill and have good intentions, but society tells guys my age to avoid the "gay".
I hate having to settle being friends with just females. Most chicks think that because you're gay, you wanna hear about all their "girly" problems, but that shit is boring to me. Before I came out, I used to have a gang of straight guy friends, but now that I'm out, it's weird seeing how my social circle was forced to change.
|by Anonymous||reply 312||Last Sunday at 9:29 PM|
OP, why do you want hetero male friends ? What is your goal ? If it is because you are attracted, then they feel it and are outraged.
|by Anonymous||reply 11||10/15/2011|
[quote]Heterosexual males want to be friends with other heterosexual males exclusively.
Certainly not all.
But those who would close the door on a friendship due to someone's sexual identity isn't worth having as a friend anyway, so they've done you a favor imho.
|by Anonymous||reply 13||10/15/2011|
[quote] You see this play out on reality shows all the time
Oy. I wouldn't make generalizations about the world or people's behavior based on reality shows.
|by Anonymous||reply 14||10/15/2011|
I used to hang around a mixed bunch of gay and straight guys who enjoyed performance art, rock and roll, indie film, rocketry/engineering, and smoking weed. They were a lively, creative group and unselfconscious around each other.
Common interests can bring straight and gay men together "reality shows" aside.
|by Anonymous||reply 15||10/15/2011|
Depends on where you live.
|by Anonymous||reply 17||10/15/2011|
You lost me with "most guys are going to keep you at arm's length once they figure out your sexuality." Wow. What kind of world do you live in? First, if you are out and simply BEING who you are (not closeted), there should never be any "figure it out," but rather "This is who I am." That makes a difference right there. It tells the world that YOU are comfortable with who you are. No one is comfortable around someone who is not comfortable with himself.
Second, men who are comfortable with THEMSELVES will not give a shit if someone is gay. Everyone is on a continuum of sexuality, anyway. Men like to flirt with each other and feel attractive. Straight guys do it all the time but just don't acknowledge it as such.
The older one gets, the labels lose their meaning, anyway. It's all about the person. A man who is rich in character and depth and life experiences, who enjoys other PEOPLE and companionship will not have some bizarre, STUNTED, arrested development thing going on with regard to one's sexual orientation.
|by Anonymous||reply 18||10/15/2011|
There is this gay youtuber called gaycomicgeek who mostly hangs out with straight men. They all share a bound with comic books and would attend conventions together...His buds treat him like a regular guy who happens to like other dudes..and all of them are hot.Another one is a very popular youtuber called someonetoshoutfor aka Brandon who has a straight BFF.. that appears on his videos and talked about baseball and randomness...It seems like Straight guys have no problem with straight-acting gays just the Fabulous~ ones who are very stereotypical and loud that they can't stand and avoid.
|by Anonymous||reply 19||10/15/2011|
This guy you friended may have come to the conclusion that you're interested in him. It happens in male/female friendships all the time. You have to make it clear that there's no attraction, and interaction will be awkward until you do.
|by Anonymous||reply 21||10/15/2011|
Straight guys are so boring, I dont know why you would want to be friends with them.
|by Anonymous||reply 22||10/15/2011|
[quote]Men like to flirt with each other and feel attractive. Straight guys do it all the time but just don't acknowledge it as such.
|by Anonymous||reply 23||10/15/2011|
Sometimes, guys are cool with it until someone else brings it up to them and then he cannot ignore that part of you anymore because others are watching...
|by Anonymous||reply 24||10/15/2011|
I have straight male friends, but my closest male friends are gay. I see many straight men being friends with gay men, often based on common interests, but I do think it is hard to become CLOSE friends with straight men. The society is homophobic, so straight men are scared to be TOO closely associated with a gay person. This will change one day. It's getting less homophobic out there every day.
|by Anonymous||reply 25||10/15/2011|
r9 your world view is from reality television, and you call other guys deluded? oh, i'm sorry - i mean "delluded."
Personally, two of my best friends are straight guys. It *does* happen.
And really? It's the same in Egypt, a country suffering under an oppressive de facto dictatorship, as it is here?
I don't say this lightly - but you are a fucking retard.
|by Anonymous||reply 26||10/15/2011|
A college football captain comes out to his team to open arms and gains a slew of new allies.
|by Anonymous||reply 27||10/15/2011|
Gay male here. I have no trouble making straight male friends, although I don't go out of my way to try. Obviously there are those who have issues with gays (probably issues with their own sexuality actually), but those types I would never want to be friends with anyway.
(To he honest, I have much more trouble making guy male friends. It always comes down to an issue of mistaken intentions. Either they think I like them romantically/sexually and I don't--and I don't want to lead anyone on--or they think I like them in that way when all I'm after is friendship.)
Most straight guys I know are fine with gays as long as they're sure you're not going to pounce at the first chance.
As far as attraction, I have some straight friends I am attracted to, and occasionally get the impression that they're curious. But I'm not going to make the first move--in case I'm wrong, why spoil the friendship? And since it's a sure bet that they're not going to make the first move, nothing's ever going to happen.
Incidentally, I have a new, very cute friend (acquaintance, really) at work who I think might be flexible. Another gay guy at work swears the new guy is a "two beer queer," but since I've never been out drinking with him, who's to say?
I will say that I know a girl who went out with him once and right off the bat asked her if she was into anal because that was his main thing. I realize that alone means nothing but if you'd see his Facebook pictures, you'd have to wonder. I do know he's comfortable with gays because he used to bartend in a gay bar and, looking the way he looks, would have attracted a lot of attention.
But I'm not setting myself up for a big letdown. I'm happy with the way things are. He's funny, intelligent, and good looking--what more can you want in a straight, male friend?
|by Anonymous||reply 28||10/15/2011|
Just don't hang out with straights. I don't. The overwhelming majority of my closest friends are LGBT peeps. Of different races, religions and ethnicities. Most straights bore me, especially straight men...
|by Anonymous||reply 29||10/15/2011|
Obviously you should hang out with whomever you prefer.
But I've never understood gay guys who self-ghettoized. I've known guys who's entire base of friends are people exactly like them: white, male, gay, American men. Nothing against white, male, gay, American men--I'm one of them--but the world's too full of interesting people to eliminate whole groups of people.
|by Anonymous||reply 30||10/15/2011|
Stop seeking approval, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 31||10/15/2011|
I really hate the word "Ally".
|by Anonymous||reply 32||10/15/2011|
r30? Gay men are a disfavored minority. Although many gay men no doubt are highly selective about who they befriend, it's more often the case that they simply do not receive wonderful offers of friendship from wide and varied groups of people.
It's like someone in the 1950s walking to the other side of the tracks and saying "Yeesh. Why do black people live in such cruddy houses and go to such terrible schools?"
|by Anonymous||reply 33||10/15/2011|
This OP is not at a place of self love and self acceptance or he would never have posted such a thread. His view of reality would be different.
|by Anonymous||reply 36||10/15/2011|
[quote]r4 I don't care for the bitchy queenie nellie gay gay friends (who aren't really that friendly.)
Could it be they're not friendly because they sense you look down on them? People aren't as stupid as you think.
[quote]Now, a LOUD, OBNOXIOUS queen who is pushing his agenda
Wow, so many phobes in this place.
|by Anonymous||reply 38||10/15/2011|
Believe me R33, I'm well aware that gays aren't the most beloved minority in certain circles. I can also understand the desire to stay among your own, for feelings of solidarity or fear of rejection, whatever reason. Maybe I've been lucky to have met so many open minded people, but they do exist.
I guess my point was that you're not going to get offers of friendship from varied people if you close yourself off from the possibility.
|by Anonymous||reply 40||10/15/2011|
I want to be friend's with R40's pretentious bullshit.
|by Anonymous||reply 41||10/15/2011|
You're right, r35, that's a good analogy. Straight guys are the "cool kids" whose approval many gay men crave, and straight girls are the "nerds" they settle for being friends with while making fun of them behind their back.
|by Anonymous||reply 44||10/15/2011|
That's not what you measnt at all, R42. Not at all.
|by Anonymous||reply 45||10/15/2011|
The irony of R43's post...
|by Anonymous||reply 46||10/15/2011|
Exactly, R44. They're desperate. They mock effeminate gay men as well, projecting their own self-hate onto them in order to fit in.
These are grown "men".
|by Anonymous||reply 47||10/15/2011|
My best friend for over 20 years is a straight guy. We've lived together, traveled together, spent weeks at a time in a tent on hiking trips. He knows and loves my partner, I know and love his girlfriend (her kids, meh). It's called being friends, sexuality doesn't play into if people have common interests and attitudes.
|by Anonymous||reply 48||10/15/2011|
R46, please explain the "irony" you perceive. I would love to hear this.
|by Anonymous||reply 49||10/15/2011|
Very few heterosexual men are not threatened by gay men. That's why I believe that homosexuality and bisexuality is so much greater than the projected 5-10% of the human population. Men who are threatened by gay men, and there are many, are closeted gay/bi men.
|by Anonymous||reply 50||10/15/2011|
[quote]...loud obnoxious flakey bitchy[bold]judgemental attention whores...Seriously?
|by Anonymous||reply 51||10/15/2011|
r43 - No, I'm saying that automatically assigning negative characteristics to gay men who are more flamboyant is bigoted.
r42 - Ah, the queen's agenda. WTF? If you really believe someone is so sad and self-loathing then you ought to treat him with compassion rather than disdain. But it sounds more like you find certain types of 'gayness' embarrassing and invent theories to excuse your own prejudice.
|by Anonymous||reply 52||10/15/2011|
Anyone "threatened" by who another person fucks probably isn't worth being friends with.
|by Anonymous||reply 53||10/15/2011|
[quote]Very few heterosexual men are not threatened by gay men.
I must know most of them then.
I have dozens of straight guy friends. My closest friends are straight guys, in fact. Not a whiff of homophobia among any of them.
They've ALL been to gay bars with me. To pride parades (usually they go with or without me, because they believe in equal rights).
I think you're grossly over-stating things here.
Or maybe I just don't know that many closet-cases. Though several of my "straight" male friends consider themselves to be "politically bi", as in they theoretically call themselves 'bi', and have no problems being perceived as such, but in their personal life they're pretty much straight, and at most experiemented in their youth. Most are married in very good relationships, and I'm close to their wives as well.
|by Anonymous||reply 54||10/15/2011|
That's a mentality I will never understand R53, and it's so prevalent.
|by Anonymous||reply 58||10/15/2011|
I find it difficult as well to socialize with straight guys, because they really do turn cold when they find out you're gay. I used to work at a casino, and I can't tell you how many times over the years there would be a new guy starting, and I would strike up a conversation, and he would be very open and candid for the first couple weeks until he found out I was gay, then he would be very stand-offish. The worst were the ones who would still try to be very friendly if it was just the two of us in a situation, but as soon as other co-workers were around (especially "the guys", if you know what I mean), he would be completely different and cold.
|by Anonymous||reply 59||10/15/2011|
Last night I was lamenting to my only gay friend (a lipstick lesbian) that it's hard to make gay friends because people usually assume I'm straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 60||10/15/2011|
R55, no I'm not reading into anything. It's the truth. You're an asshole. Just admit it. Own it.
Oh, and thanks for telling me close my bold tags. Sprry. :( I'm an asshole there.
|by Anonymous||reply 61||10/15/2011|
R54, what are you saying? You're the acceptable homosexual among heterosexuals?
|by Anonymous||reply 62||10/15/2011|
R54, politically bi? Oh, for fucks sake...
|by Anonymous||reply 63||10/15/2011|
I agree with the poster above who stated it is easier to make friends with a straight guy than it is with a gay guy.
|by Anonymous||reply 64||10/15/2011|
r57 - Overly defensive = challenging your viewpoint? Ah, got it.
|by Anonymous||reply 65||10/15/2011|
R64, what elements of yourself do you conceal when you make friend's with straight guys? Be honest.
|by Anonymous||reply 67||10/15/2011|
You're lucky R54. even you must realize that. If all straight men were like your friends we never would have needed a Data Lounge.
|by Anonymous||reply 68||10/15/2011|
R65, Overly defensive = not being a step n' fetch homosexual.
|by Anonymous||reply 69||10/15/2011|
Wow R41 (aka 45, 46, 47, 51, 56, 58, 61, 62, 63), this topic really has you upset.
Calm down, no one is going to insist you have straight friends.
BTW, you really need to look up the meaning of "pretentious."
All my previous posts were polite, even if I had a different point of view than you and some other posters. I realize that being respectful of others' opinions and open-minded toward those who are not like me may be unusual qualities on DL. But it hardly equals pretentiousness.
|by Anonymous||reply 70||10/15/2011|
R40, you are the very definition of pretentious. And, passive-aggressive.
|by Anonymous||reply 72||10/15/2011|
As I predicted this thread would be gay men ascerting how many heterosexual male friends they have and how easy it is to get them if you are a certain way. This conversation isn't worth having if everyone lies. A couple posters were honest, they wrote heterosexual males are distant from them if they know they are gay. It's not an isolated experience. It's the overwhelming experience of gay people who are known to be gay or thought to be gay. The reason I brought up reality television because I knew people would say that it was just my experience if I said heterosexual males are stand-offish from me and always have been. I've seen this behavior occur with every person known to or thought to be gay in my life. Heterosexual males only want friendships with other heterosexual males. The rare exceptions do not invalidate the rule.
I wish I would have known what I know now when I was a child. Now I'm past that and don't even want a friendship with any heterosexual male.
|by Anonymous||reply 75||10/15/2011|
This link is to a page of a scientific experiment with straight guys, that you will all find to be important work.
|by Anonymous||reply 76||10/15/2011|
R59, I'm curious... do you give them any time to process the information? Or after they act wierd for a few days do you just drop them?
Do you consider that they may think that you tried to lie and deceive them at all? And maybe THAT'S why they're a little cold?
I'm not saying this is how it is, but consider that the "cold" thing might be temporary while they adjust to something new to them. You've had your entire life to accept yourself. Give them at least a few weeks.
One of my closest friends ever reacted badly at first. Patience is a virtue.
|by Anonymous||reply 77||10/15/2011|
R74, this is a message board. I am having a 'conversation' about this topic. You seem rather hung up on my posts. Get a life.
R75 described you perfectly. That's all that needs to be said.
|by Anonymous||reply 78||10/15/2011|
R9/R75, do you actually think I'm being dishonest? Because I assure you I'm not.
|by Anonymous||reply 79||10/15/2011|
Like a dog, R77. Everyone has to adjust to the new dog. Right? Right.
|by Anonymous||reply 81||10/15/2011|
No, R79, you're being lucky.
|by Anonymous||reply 82||10/15/2011|
Be aware that the "luck" is referring to not being rejected by homophobes... not that it's 'lucky' to have STRAIGHT (as opposed to GAY) friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 83||10/15/2011|
Maybe we need to define friend.
|by Anonymous||reply 84||10/15/2011|
That's not what I meant by luck R83. I meant lucky to be around so many straight guys who were not in the least homophobic. Dozens, in fact, and they're all his friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 85||10/15/2011|
[quote]I am having a 'conversation' about this topic.
A conversation is an exchange of ideas, not attacking anyone whose experience or opinion differs from yours.
If some (or most) of you have been rebuffed when attempting to be friendly with straight guys, I'm sorry for that. But that's not everyone's experience.
Maybe we've been lucky or just careful about whom we've approached. Clearly, I'm not going to make friendly gestures toward someone who is bigoted or seems like a hopeless right-winger.
I'm suspecting some of it may be generational. Most of my straight male friends are young (20s), though not all.
|by Anonymous||reply 87||10/15/2011|
R87, a conversation is not being talked at, belittled, or eing told how to behave. But, again...I'm 'unlucky'. So, what do I know?
|by Anonymous||reply 88||10/15/2011|
I can easily make friends with straight guys. I love sports and most of them do too. So we have a like interest. That is how one makes friends: like interests.
Straight men who don't love sports? Might be harder. But who cares? I wouldn't want to hang out with someone, gay or straight, who didn't share that interest of mine. Unless he shared another one or two or three.
|by Anonymous||reply 89||10/15/2011|
R87, most of my straight male friends are over 40 (as am I).
For the record, I'm just going to ignore those attempting to mock me, because it's clear that they're pushing an agenda that dictates that I must be lying or exaggerating, or that I'm some pathetic self-loather that seeks out the approval of straight guys... none of which is even remotely true. Though they'd never be convinced of that (any more than a Republican would be convinced of hte reality of climage change, or the fact that being gay isn't a choice).
|by Anonymous||reply 90||10/15/2011|
R90, you're the only one bringing that up. Nobody assumed anything about you. I didn't. Just that you're lucky.
|by Anonymous||reply 91||10/15/2011|
R75, I think some heterosexual males are only interested in befriending other hetero males. But I don't think exceptions are that rare.
|by Anonymous||reply 92||10/15/2011|
R87, I think the issue is that every single one of your straight male friends seems to be perfect. I've had one or two who might qualify for what you describe, others who wouldn't. Then again, I'd find it hard to come with a dozen true friends, straight or gay. DOZENS of acquaintances yes, even over a hundred that I could suffer lunch with. Friends? ????
|by Anonymous||reply 93||10/15/2011|
[quote]For the record, I'm just going to ignore those attempting to mock me, because it's clear that they're pushing an agenda that dictates that I must be lying or exaggerating, or that I'm some pathetic self-loather that seeks out the approval of straight guys... none of which is even remotely true. Though they'd never be convinced of that...
Agreed. Engaging people who are absolutely convinced that their narrow view of the world is the only reality is pointless. It's like talking to the bisexuals-don't-exist brigade who attempt to derail every thread on the topic. They don't believe it's possible and wouldn't accept the concept if they witnessed it with their own eyes.
|by Anonymous||reply 94||10/15/2011|
What do you mean by "perfect"?
Educated, liberal, supportive, accepting?
You really find straight men like that to be so hard to find?
Like I said, I'm a programmer, and most of these guys are in high tech or software. Not a lot of macho ignorant assholes in this world.
There are some. And I am just not friends with them. Or even acquaintences with them.
And as for the whole friends vs. acquaintences thing... let me just soften the definition for you to say that the guys I'm counting are all guys who reach out to me to hang-out or visit, to go out to eat or celebrate their birthdays with, who welcome me to crash at their place any time I need to and I reciprocate that offer... I'm much closer to some than others.
And there are many straight women too. And a few lesbians and gay men as well.
While being gay supportive/accepting is definitely a requirement for friendship imho, "sexual orientation" itself is not a requirement one way or another.
I've build up all these straight guy friends over decades, so "dozens" isn't a huge number. Most are former coworkers that I stay in touch with and became friends with. A couple from school. A few I just met socially..
As someone else said, it's "things we have in common" that's important, not who we sleep with.
|by Anonymous||reply 95||10/15/2011|
[quote] While being gay supportive/accepting is definitely a requirement for friendship imho, "sexual orientation" itself is not a requirement one way or another.
I don't think anyone has said that and if they have it's only by default. That's what the thread was lamenting, after all.
And some of the biggest homophobes I've ever known have been programmers so I don't get the passing off that profession as a given for tolerance.
|by Anonymous||reply 96||10/15/2011|
R95, what you describe is awesome and it's too bad that it seems so rare.
Question though--have you ever had a crush on any of your straight friends? If so, how did you handle it?
|by Anonymous||reply 97||10/15/2011|
In my long career as a programmer, I've only met one guy who was super-homophobic, that I know of. And he was an asshole right-wing republican, and just hopeless.
I've met a few others that were "casually" homophobic, just sorta going along with the flow until they met me and found out I was gay. THen that crap ended. But there were only a few of those.
So maybe you've been unlucky. I dunno. I can't explain it.
|by Anonymous||reply 98||10/15/2011|
I used to hang out with an uncle and aunt who claimed to be accepting of my gayness, but whenever I bought up something regarding LGBT issues (not sex), they'd get all nervous and change the subject. I don't visit them as much as I used to.
|by Anonymous||reply 99||10/15/2011|
Javy trying make straight friends in is lab and an eldergay being friends with his ancient programmer colleagues for umpteen years are two very different things.
|by Anonymous||reply 100||10/15/2011|
I'm sure that's the way it is for the 'lucky' gay guys here, R99. But, I will be told it won't be. But, I know better. And, so do many.
|by Anonymous||reply 101||10/15/2011|
Straight men (most of them) are uptight around women too. That might explain why as men get older their social networks shrink, at least from my observation. They seem to think that a friendly gesture is a come-on. As a bi (choosing not to date men) female it is beyond annoying. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them I'm a lesbian and then they somehow breathe a sigh of relief (probably not). Don't take it personally; straight men are just a self-important lot.
|by Anonymous||reply 102||10/15/2011|
R102, Exactly. A lot of straight men seem to think being friends with someone of the gender they are attracted to, women, is impossible. Then they apply that logic to gay men.
|by Anonymous||reply 103||10/15/2011|
Maybe you should try to get Afterelton to do a weekly feature with straight men who are friends with gay men and the community, the way Afterellen did their Lesbros column. There were a lot of great guys there, and great perspectives.
|by Anonymous||reply 104||10/15/2011|
Could he be buildihg some distance between you because you're batshit crazy? You are the same guy who posted endlessly about your roommate aren't you?
|by Anonymous||reply 105||10/15/2011|
Interesting re: programmers. My closest work colleague (we are on the same project that never ends) is a straight, educated and liberal guy who has gay friends and gets along well with the gay guys in our office.
He also gets along well with me, a lesbian (some straight guys can be odd around us but he's not). My workplace -- full of programmers like me -- is a very cool place for everyone: gay and straight. We all get along and it's not weird. It's not a macho place -- the guys are smart, geeky and cool. I am the only female programmer and I don't mind it. Better than my last job where the guys were so macho/jockish/old-boy...
|by Anonymous||reply 106||10/15/2011|
R105, I backed off my roommate a while ago. I accepted the fact that he's straight and I moved on. I never even told him I had feelings for him, I just a little clingy and followed him everywhere. I stopped doing that, now I'm much better.
|by Anonymous||reply 107||10/15/2011|
Some of my best friends are straight men. Perhaps it comes with maturity. Some young straight men frighten easily. I wouldn't consider any relationship to be a friendship if that person didn't know who I was and what I liked.
|by Anonymous||reply 108||10/15/2011|
Yeah, I do agree that the best route to go is to make friends with guys in the sciences/geeky guys (not talking about gamer nerds here).
Guys like that tend to be less homophobic (and less sexist), and are saddled with much less macho bullshit.
It's easier to make friends with guys in that field if you were to also be part of that field, but there are other ways. If any of your friends are involved in the sciences they can introduce you, visit science stores, or sciency websites.
I love hanging out on i09, a lot of scientists on there and nary a whiff of homophobia or sexism (except for the occasioinal troll who bleed over whenever one of io9's stories are linked out). It's also a hell of a lot of fun to have conversations with rational, intelligent people.
|by Anonymous||reply 109||10/15/2011|
I had a friend who himself made friends with a bunch of straight guys. Mind you, he wasn't ultra-effeminate or anything. He slowly got in closer, and then one day he was invited to some house they rented for some group vacation fun shenanigans in the summertime. After several days there some drunk excitement occured--one thing led to another--and they all wind up masturbating in front of each other(though, not doing anything to each other). Well, he was delighted, and felt he was in a magical garden of cocks. But, oh no! He could not touch...
Furthermore, after that they largely left him behind, sometimes to pursue females, though usually to just do some stupid activity he wasn't interested in. He felt morbidly soft and sad, and just spent alot of time at the kitchen island eating cheesecakes.
The moral of the story is that if you make friends with straight guys it might not really work out, and you could just be left behind eating cheesecake, and what kind of life is that?
|by Anonymous||reply 110||10/16/2011|
[quote]Well, he was delighted, and felt he was in a magical garden of cocks.
|by Anonymous||reply 111||10/16/2011|
Javy if you're actually a university student and at Penn state get out and meet people.
Join clubs for GLBT students, and don't give us that bullshit that "I don't like other gay and bisexual men since they're stuck up", go to the campus GLBT center and talk to people there, go to parties in your dorm or frat parties. If you know people who live in off campus apts see if they want to party.
If you're not into partying just try to meet people in your classes and make small talk with them or ask them if they want to hang out or chill together outside of class.
You're at a university with over 40,000 people at it a lot of who are your age, and living in a town or small city that has a lot of people as well. Get out and meet people.
|by Anonymous||reply 112||10/16/2011|
Not if you are masculine, OP.
|by Anonymous||reply 114||07/02/2013|
Go to the gym. That is how I meet masculine bros.
|by Anonymous||reply 116||07/22/2013|
I always thought guys who have problems befriending straight guys are the types that are attracted to straight guys.
Ever since coming out, when a guy tells me he's straight, I lose any sexual/romantic interest in them. I've always had close straight friends, and while there's always been flirting, I've never had any desire to go after one of them. I think that's why it's easy for me to befriend them.
I can easily get a straight guy to like me. With that said, I'm horrible with gay guys. I get nervous around them and tend to come off as a dick. I also say tons of inappropriate things which straight guys don't mind but gay guys do. I have one friend who is envious of all the straight guy friends I have, and I'm envious of all the gay guy friends he has.
|by Anonymous||reply 117||07/22/2013|
I don't agree w putting the "interested in" status on Facebook. I'm a straight female and if I wasn't married I still wouldn't put "interested in men." Too tacky.
|by Anonymous||reply 118||07/22/2013|
It all depends where you live and who these straight guys you are tyring to befriend are, OP. Fuck, even many entrenched Washington neocon Republican straight men have gay male friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 119||07/22/2013|
[quote]Yeah it is all about common interests and personalities with people. . .
and dick size
|by Anonymous||reply 126||08/15/2013|
I've never had a straight male friend, not after I came out anyway. It doesn't bother me, life's too short worrying about who doesn't like me and why.
|by Anonymous||reply 127||08/15/2013|
Why wouldn't you seek out friendships with other gay men? It would seem to solve the problem of the straight girls you don't want and the straight guys who don't want you.
|by Anonymous||reply 128||08/15/2013|
R131 is correct; I've lived long enough to know that when a guy pushes you away with one arm and pulls you closer with the other, you listen to the part of him that's pushing you away.
Cut your losses and move on, OP. Though given how long ago this thread started I hope you've long since done that.
|by Anonymous||reply 132||08/15/2013|
It doesn't matter r130, one of the key lessons in life is not to care what other people think of you, it's a waste of time.
|by Anonymous||reply 133||08/15/2013|
I will tell you this, it takes a real man to openly befriend a gay man and not worry about what anyone might think.
|by Anonymous||reply 134||08/15/2013|
Why would a gay guy go out of his way to make friends with straight guys, unless he was trying to prove something to himself?
My friends are generally all gay men. I know a cool straight guy or two, but we don't really hang out too much.
|by Anonymous||reply 135||08/15/2013|
I find straights like anyone else can tell when you are attracted to them. Some are ok with that and laugh it off but others freak out a bit. Generally straights are not used to having other men look at them that way. It is the reversal if the male gaze.
|by Anonymous||reply 138||08/15/2013|
I fuck gay men but I don't hang with them or trust them as far as I can piss.
I hang with straight females. They understand me and love me and we have so much in common.
I avoid straight men and dykes. Fuck them. They hate gays.
|by Anonymous||reply 140||08/24/2013|
I have all gay male and straight female friends. I forget that straight men even exist sometimes, and that's a beautiful thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 141||08/24/2013|
I have acquaintances of all orientations, colors, etc., but my closest friends are gay men and a few lesbian chicks. I am a gay man but I find that I have very little in common with straight women. Most are way too emotional for me. That's the demographic I hang with the least. When I go to a movie or to hang out, it's almost always with a gay male buddy.
|by Anonymous||reply 142||08/24/2013|
Bullshit. It's much easier than making friends with the cunty Mean Gays that populate any major city.
|by Anonymous||reply 143||08/24/2013|
I'm really not a people person to begin with. I'd rather work out alone or curl up with a good book. People aren't work the trouble and I am quite happy this way.
|by Anonymous||reply 144||08/24/2013|
I lost my straight male friends when I came out. They suddenly got very busy. What bothers me now is that when someone at work (I work in a large office) finds out I'm gay, they won't even look at me if we pass each other in the hallway. Their shoes suddenly become very important and must be stared down at.
|by Anonymous||reply 147||08/24/2013|
that sucks. i do think it's worse for gay men on this because for some reason many straight men seem so insecure about this and are more likely to be actively homophobic. lesbians are more likely to have straight friends being ok with them (some straight women are still homophobic or think highly of themselves and that the lesbian is into them though).
|by Anonymous||reply 151||08/24/2013|
Exactly. Almost all of my close friends are heterosexual dudes. I have a gay male friend, but I like hanging out of my straight friends most of the time, not because they are straight, but because they are my best friends. When I invite my gay friend to accompany us, he usually comes up with some lame excuse why he can't hang with us. And on the rare occasion he vibes with us, he seems so uncomfortable that he does not bond with my other friends. I just tell him to chill and be a regular dude. He seems to have some type of block in his mind about mixing with straight guys. It is very weird to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 155||08/26/2013|
Male-friend-bonding between straight men, between gay men and between gay and straight men are all very different. In a very similar way that male-friend bonding between women, straight men, and between women and straight men is very different.
But just as it is becoming more common for straight men to have platonic friendships with women, it is becoming more common for straight and gay men to become friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 156||08/26/2013|
[quote]I just tell him to chill and be a regular dude. He seems to have some type of block in his mind about mixing with straight guys. It is very weird to me.
r155, its not that strange. Most gay men have a mild form of PTSD from being tortured in their youth by straight guys. Im more comfortable with socializing one on one with straight men. When you get three or more straight men together, even if they are all gay friendly, they usually start this pack mentality thing. This is when a lot of gay men subconsciously feel like they need to leave. It takes a lot of time and socialization to get over this.
And of course, you could just have boring or annoying friends. Maybe he just doesn't have anything to converse with them about!
|by Anonymous||reply 157||08/26/2013|
I don't have any gay male friends, because well, I hate homosexuals.
I'm single and have been single for most of my life. I'll probably die alone, which is cool, I blame gay men for the reason I'm single.
I hate the fact I'm gay, and waking up everyday is a dread. But, my straight male bros, yes, I said "bros" (I'm 58, but get confused for 19 all the time), allow me to forget I'm gay. Plus, I'm accepted by the cool dudes.
Str8 dudes are so chill and HAWT. Gay guys are homos and flamers and gross and AIDS infested.
My str8 bros just chillax and I suck them off. Then we go shop at Aeropostale.
|by Anonymous||reply 158||08/26/2013|
[quote] I just tell him to chill and be a regular dude.
He should punch you out. That's a "regular dude" thing.
|by Anonymous||reply 159||08/26/2013|
R158 just summed up this entire thread in one post. Bravo.
|by Anonymous||reply 160||08/26/2013|
[quote]Most gay men have a mild form of PTSD from being tortured in their youth by straight guys.
that's interesting, I've never experienced that so I can't really feel the same way. I get along with straight guys at the same rate that I do with gay ones.
|by Anonymous||reply 161||08/26/2013|
I have noticed that some people are very spooked or apprehensive about intimate interaction with people who are ostensibly different. For instance, I have white friends that are uncomfortable hanging out with my black friends when they will be the only white person in the group or at a predominantly black venue. Some of my Christian friends feel uncomfortable handing out with my Muslim friends if they think that Muslims will be in the majority. Some of my Black friends don't like to hang out in overwhelmingly White groups. I have a hard time understanding this mentality. Enjoy diversity, find commonality with different people, stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone. People always say that I am easy going and bond with just about anyone. For me, it's about not being intimidated by social barriers and categories.
|by Anonymous||reply 162||08/26/2013|
I am a femme gay woman and most of my friends are straight women! The only thing different about us, is like chicks romantically
|by Anonymous||reply 163||08/26/2013|
OP, I've actually heard this from a lot of gay male friends. It must be something specific to the way men socialize. Most women I know - lesbian, straight and bi - all socialize with other women of a variety of orientations and don't tend to compartmentalize this way. I honestly have no idea why guys should be any different.
|by Anonymous||reply 164||08/26/2013|
All my best friends are straight men.
All my gay male friends are bar friends and former sexual partners.
|by Anonymous||reply 165||08/26/2013|
[quote]I cant discuss EVERYTHING with straight guys.
|by Anonymous||reply 166||08/26/2013|
I'm butcher than most "straights" and most of my inner circle is gay. Tho business wise most are straight. I'm one of those people that straights will feel comfortable around, probably like an Anderson Cooper type, who doesn't make or show that I live up to all the gay steroetypes. I even have been told that by straight people once I told them or confirmed I was gay. That they don't mind being around me because i'm not Fem, like a Rock Hudson type gay guy. My response usally is, "Is thanks I guess but I don't think i'm better than any other gay person because I don't fit the steroetype of a gay male."
|by Anonymous||reply 167||08/26/2013|
I'm gay and with the exception of 2 gay friends who live far away from me, all of my male friends are straight. I live in Europe and I think the mind-set is different.... and I also think among well educated people, and in creative fields, it's just not an issue. It never has been in my life.
|by Anonymous||reply 168||08/26/2013|
Well, it's especially hard when you fall in love with them.
I thought I was doing perfectly fine with this straight guy being in my life.
He extended a few kindnesses and one day: crap! I woke up with a massive crush.
It's not him; it's me. I find it impossible to be around him now.
I'm not saying it can't be done, but it's best if I never see this guy again.
|by Anonymous||reply 169||08/26/2013|
Almost all my friends are straight dudes. It is just what I am naturally drawn to in friendships. We vibe from our common interests, and sexual orientation is not relevant.
|by Anonymous||reply 170||08/28/2013|
This guy posts on Datalounge, I'm sure of it. He is pathetic:
|by Anonymous||reply 171||08/28/2013|
R169 is on point, that's happened to me a couple of times. Best way to make straight guy friends is to find the friendly straight guy who has no qualms about you being gay, likes hanging out with you, but most importantly - WITH WHOM YOU DO NOT FIND OR WILL FIND ATTRACTIVE AT ALL!
Unless you have some sort of social disorder or socially inept, then making friends is NOT hard - gay or straight. Unless, OP, you're looking to bang your friends or expect some sort of Disney type romantic comedy where the friend falls in love with you and you live happily ever after.
|by Anonymous||reply 173||08/28/2013|
I'm a straight guy, and I wouldn't mind having some gay male friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 174||08/28/2013|
If you want hetero male friends, you have to stay in the closet.
The minute you come out, you have to spend the rest of you life with the other fags.
|by Anonymous||reply 175||08/28/2013|
Many bi and gay dudes have close straight friends. However, they tend to be quite masculine and not a part of gay culture. They tend to not view their sexual orientation as making them any different or less "dudely" than their heterosexual brethren. They tend to think of themselves as part of the mainstream, not an outsider. They also tend to love sports, hip hop or rock, and are athletic.
|by Anonymous||reply 176||08/29/2013|
r175, what an ignorant posting.
|by Anonymous||reply 177||09/06/2013|
R177, sadly, R175 is not totally ignorant.
Sure, there are some straight guys who won't make an issue out of it, but most will. Especially the attractive ones.
Seriously, it comes up; I wish it didn't matter, but it does in many (most?) cases.
|by Anonymous||reply 178||09/06/2013|
R172, you have a great point. In fairness, though, this one snuck up me.
Figuratively, that is.
|by Anonymous||reply 179||09/06/2013|
If you love football, this is not even an issue. Get to a sports bar, bro.
|by Anonymous||reply 180||09/15/2013|
Actually, I find it easier to make friends with straight men and have much deeper friendships with them than with gay men.
|by Anonymous||reply 183||09/30/2013|
I am bi, but I see lots of gay dudes with close straight dude friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 184||10/01/2013|
R184, one of my best friends is a straight man (I am a gay man), but make no mistake, if either one of us called each other "dude," the other would be fully justified in punching the "dude" caller's face.
|by Anonymous||reply 185||10/01/2013|
The vast majority of my friends are straight men. I didn't plan for it to happen that way, it just did. Maybe those here who think its so difficult to be friends with a straight guy are trying too hard? Just be yourself and see what happens.
|by Anonymous||reply 186||10/01/2013|
I find it easier to make friends with gay guys than with straight guys. I actually don't have any straight male friends...none that I can think of. Life is peachy. :)
|by Anonymous||reply 187||10/01/2013|
Two of my closest friends are straight guys, plus many other friends, and I'm in a "flyover" state university and very openly gay. I've talked to them about things I wouldn't dream of mentioning to some gay and female friends. I do get where many are douche bags to gay guys though. Just put on the old charm, and if they still don't warm to you, you don't need them!
|by Anonymous||reply 188||10/01/2013|
I hate to break this to you OP, but you're the type of gay guy that even gay guys don't want to be friends with. Sometimes the truth really, really hurts.
However, there is a solution:
|by Anonymous||reply 189||10/01/2013|
Just be a dude. Stop making up barriers to just being a normal red blooded male,
|by Anonymous||reply 190||07/24/2014|
I amazed when I meet straight guys who are completely comfortable around gay men.
Usually they first met gay guys in school or work. Once they realize that we're not a threat, they are accepting.
I'm great friends with my neighbors who are straight guys. I guess what brought us together were that we buying apartments in the building at the same time. Having that in common bonded us more than my being gay would scare them.
|by Anonymous||reply 192||09/23/2014|
Straight men bond over football and women. It's often tough for a gay guy to get in the middle of those conversations.
The real truth is even straight guys don't create strong ties with other straight guys.
They are unemotional beings.
|by Anonymous||reply 193||09/23/2014|
R193, what a narrow world you live in. Mentally AND geographically. Many many MANY straight men don't give two fucking shits about football or sports, in general. Many don't want to talk much about women, either. Because that stuff is for SMALL MINDS. Not sure what kind of middle management suburb dwelling, skid-marked underwear sporting men you are hanging with.
My straight male friends are smarter than that. More world aware and educated than that. More mature than that.
The thing about a thread like this is that you will have the kinds of relationships with men, with women, with your career, with everyone, with the WORLD depending upon your beliefs and psychological make-up. If you THINK it is hard to be friends with straight males, then it will be. The thing is, as another poster said, you will probably have a harder time having genuine friendships with MEN, in general, though. Intimacy is intimacy and it doesn't have to involve sex or fucking. Straight men and gay men have much more in common than gay men and women. The OLDER you grow, you will see this more and more. Life becomes less about compulsory sex and more about relationships.
If you THINK straight men are nothing more than a stereotype, nothing more than beer swilling, belching, farting, sports-addicted, women obsessed creatures, then that is what you will find. And you will MISS millions of men in the world who are NOT like that. Sometimes we don't know what we don't know because we are the product of our own biased thinking and our limited world view. At one time people thought the world was flat, too. Remember that. Our thoughts draw things to us, create our own reality.
|by Anonymous||reply 194||09/23/2014|
Oddly, straight men are the LEAST criticized group on the DL, first is women, followed by our fellow gay men, and then straight guys.
I'm friends with a few straight guys, I think they like me because they can talk to me about their feelings in ways they wouldn't be comfortable talking to straight men or women. They want to impress other straight men and of course they want to impress women, but they don't care about being impressive to a gay man, our opinion of them matters the least to them.
However, that said, I don't think straight men are necessarily better friends than gay men or women. It all depends on the individual.
|by Anonymous||reply 195||09/23/2014|
I think it's tough making friends with closet-cases, which is generally the case if a "straight" male finds fault in you because you are gay. Straight males who are biologically hard-wired to like women and have zero same-sex attraction are fine easy to be friends with. Openly gay men who are openly gay in every facet of their life (work, school, social settings, etc.) are the easiest to be friends with. They are probably the nicest and best people I have known/know. They are at ease with themselves and happy.
|by Anonymous||reply 196||09/23/2014|
I have several straight guy friends. One who is married and I have became best friends with his wife. He and I talk about sex sports and his wife and I shop together. Some guys are not open to gay guys. Guys with homophobia don't want to talk to me.
|by Anonymous||reply 197||09/23/2014|
Most straight men have low expectations - really low - of their male friends. They like uncomplicated, drama-free, guys who they can do things with that they enjoy and who they can goof around with.
Unless they are homophobes, or on the autism spectrum, or very unsociable, a straight guy will usually be open to friendship if you are laid back, can crack a few jokes, and enjoy the same sports / TV/ games as they do.
They do get very uncomfortable around flamers and melodrama, however, even if they aren't phobes.
|by Anonymous||reply 199||09/23/2014|
don't be surprised if your "straight" friend hits on you at some point.
Truly straight men have zero tolerance for gays. The ones who claim to are either not erally tolerant, or not really straight.
Do women turn you on? NO.
|by Anonymous||reply 200||09/23/2014|
R196 is right. It's the closet cases who are downright predatory. They ruin it for the openly gay people.
|by Anonymous||reply 201||09/23/2014|
R198, sick, sex-addicted, and yet, here you are, honey, reaching out, shooting the breeze with us!
|by Anonymous||reply 202||09/23/2014|
Don't be so sure your friends are straight.
|by Anonymous||reply 203||09/23/2014|
Wow R200, just wow.
I honestly feel bad for you and wonder what happened to you to make you so fucked up.
Sorry, there are TONS of nonbigoted straight guys out there who are friends with gay guys all around the world.
|by Anonymous||reply 204||09/23/2014|
And r196 and R201 are right. Closet cases living as straight will always be the nastiest to gay men. They are terrified of their own feelings and being called out themselves.
|by Anonymous||reply 206||09/23/2014|
[quote]I like un-complicated straight guys who just want to hang out
There's no such thing as "un-complicated straight guys".
|by Anonymous||reply 207||09/23/2014|
[quote]Oddly, straight men are the LEAST criticized group on the DL, first is women, followed by our fellow gay men, and then straight guys.
You're right. I also suspect the majority of Datalounge did not even comment in the Philly Gay Bashing thread or even cared about it and it was a select few commenting again and again.
But, this is datalounge and like other homophobic gay sites like realjock.com, justusboys.com, outsports.com, etc. It's no different.
|by Anonymous||reply 208||09/23/2014|
R201, you are exactly right.
|by Anonymous||reply 209||09/23/2014|
[quote] some straights are afraid. I don't mind gays but i will never have a close friendship with them. or invite them to my house.
Is this a gay person, a gay person with severe mental problems, or a troll?
|by Anonymous||reply 210||09/23/2014|
R208 You forgot the "gaybros" of reddit
|by Anonymous||reply 211||09/23/2014|
All of my male friends are straight guys who know I'm gay, and they're nothing but supportive. That said, I came out to each of them after we became friends...I imagine it'd be harder to make friends with straight guys if they know you're gay right off the bat.
|by Anonymous||reply 212||09/23/2014|
R198=big liar who never met any real gay people. But keep jerking off to that scenario, hon.
|by Anonymous||reply 213||09/23/2014|
R189 is proof that straight homophobes are behind all the suicide encouragement on datalounge.
|by Anonymous||reply 214||09/23/2014|
The most attractive straight men always assume that everyone wants their dick, including all their straight male friends, so these are the best friends for a gay guy to have because they aren't fooled by the pretend disinterest of their straight "buddies."
|by Anonymous||reply 215||09/23/2014|
Ugh. I remember the "bro" threads of the dreaded Javier.
"I'm a dudebro at Penn State! I'm not gay, I just like sucking dick! Why doesn't everyone over 22 just DIE kthxbi."
|by Anonymous||reply 216||09/23/2014|
R198 is a liar. First of all, women deal with unwanted male attention every day without getting violent or trying to make the offerers "disappear." This notion that females "don't put up with" unwanted attention is not only a lie, but a huge fucking whopper. I think this "straight" dude doesn't actually know any women in any intimate or trusted sense. They certainly never have "some thug" go beat up a guy who is bugging them. Indeed, it is normal for straight males who are bothering the same woman to cooperate rather than compete.
Second, gays are not predatory sick fucks. If you gave someone a warning FIFTY times than no wonder he ignored it. You, sir, are a fraud. You liked his dirty humour either because you're a closet case or you're a hysterical religious phoney. Or most likely both.
|by Anonymous||reply 220||10/21/2014|
[quote] Being openly gay and making straight male friends is tough.
Possibly. But we're not really missing out.
Anyone who would reject someone for being gay could never really be a decent friend anyway. Saves time.
|by Anonymous||reply 221||10/21/2014|
Being openly gay and making friends with straight guys who are hard-wired to like women is not hard. It's the "straight" guys, the closeted gay guys who make it difficult. Ir's not your problem, it's their problem. And, R221 is right, you are not missing out. You are actually better off.
|by Anonymous||reply 222||10/21/2014|
No, it isn't OP. Not at all. Most of our friends are straight men.
|by Anonymous||reply 223||10/21/2014|
Frankly, I don't really much like "straight" male friends. I prefer the company of people like me - unapologetically, openly gay male.
Interestingly, I do have one good straight male friend, and it was actually HE who kind of nurtured our friendship - I wasn't really into him, but after wearing me down, I do now enjoy our walks around the block and occasional lunches together.
I suspect that the person who started this thread probably lives in a small town, not SF or New York where you encounter hundreds of strangers every single day, and the fact that one of them doesn't like you because you're openly gay is as significant as what you had for breakfast three years ago today. lol
|by Anonymous||reply 224||10/21/2014|
OP- you stated that your classmate would figure your sexuality out after connecting with you on Facebook and seeing your preference for men. This seems to me in a sense the problem with how you are coming "out" to your straight male friends. Would he not have figured this out, even if is radar isn't tuned, if he hadn't read this on your Facebook profile? If not, you really need to be more up front and not have these guys you want to be friends with discover who you are on their terms, but be more upfront and honest with them.
I think you might still be in a closet with the door crack open if you're not being more upfront with your new friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 225||10/21/2014|
r225, what are you suggesting he do, make an announcement every time he meets someone? Straight people don't feel like they have to do it.
|by Anonymous||reply 226||10/21/2014|
[quote]Announce what, [R226]?
|by Anonymous||reply 228||10/21/2014|
Educated urban hip younger straight men can be friends with gay men. You just need to let them know your relationship is platonic. And have some common interests helps.
|by Anonymous||reply 229||10/21/2014|
That's he's gay, R228? But, he could talk about his partner/boyfriend if he had one, right?
|by Anonymous||reply 230||10/21/2014|
So ridiculous. I have several straight male friends. It wasn't tough.
|by Anonymous||reply 231||10/21/2014|
[quote]most guys are going to keep you at arms length once they figure out your sexuality
Are you posting from Nigeria, OP?
|by Anonymous||reply 232||10/21/2014|
Offer to give them blow jobs. Some will go for it. But they've gotta know you won't say anything.
|by Anonymous||reply 233||10/21/2014|
Men make friends via activities and hobbies, so it is easier for a gay guy and a straight guy who like things like golf or road racing to become friends.
It is tougher for lesbians to make friends with straight women, because women bond over intimacy and feelings.
|by Anonymous||reply 234||10/21/2014|
[quote]Are you posting from Nigeria, OP?
No, it is posting from NYC, wondering if Liza can really speak French, and lamenting the fact it doesn't have any straight male friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 235||10/21/2014|
It's not difficult at all to make straight male friends. I had a straight roommate and I got along with him famously and loved hanging out with his friends. We still meet up for a drink and he talks about girls and I talk about guys.
He loved having me as a wingman because as soon as a woman found out he had a gay roommate they instantly thought he was a nice, sensitive guy. (He was an awesome guy, but a total player and pussy hound.)
I agree with R224 that you don't live in New York, LA of SF.
|by Anonymous||reply 236||10/21/2014|
Are you joking R234? Golf or road racing?
A few of my straight male friends:
(1)-(3) Colleagues and classmates from med school. All three of them are straight guys and two of them work in the tri-state area with me. We all stay in touch.
(4) A guy I've known for years in a running club and I started training together for a race several years ago. We go to the same gym, sometimes work out together. He's become my closest friend in the city outside of my husband.
(5) The husband of one of my best friends. We became friends hanging out as couples. We hang out with our spouses, get advice from each other, go to the U.S. Open together because our spouses don't enjoy it.
(6) ThesStraight guy in a downstairs neighbour couple. The guy and I have nothing in common, but we've shared the same brownstone for so long it only works because we're close. I take care of their kid all the time. The take care of my dog, came to the hospital with me when my mom got sick, visit her, and on and on. Great guy in great couple.
That's just six. No golf. No road-racing.
|by Anonymous||reply 237||10/21/2014|
what kind of idiot are you r237? He wasn't limiting it to golf or racing. The point was that typical guy activites were more conducive to friendship because they were activity-based instead of about personal feelings.
|by Anonymous||reply 238||10/21/2014|
After 40, it is hard for anyone to make friends
|by Anonymous||reply 239||10/21/2014|
Then you're trying to befriend the wrong people r239.
|by Anonymous||reply 240||10/21/2014|
real friends--not just people you hang out in bar with--are hard to come by.
just be yourself
don't try so hard as others have said
show an interest in them and their interests
join groups of like minded people, gardening, volunteering, drag queen makeovers whatever...find some common areas.
|by Anonymous||reply 241||10/21/2014|
[quote]drag queen makeovers whatever.
Why the fuck would you put something like that in there?
|by Anonymous||reply 242||10/21/2014|
It would work if you really did not want to blow them. You know you want it.
|by Anonymous||reply 243||10/21/2014|
[quote] It is tougher for lesbians to make friends with straight women, because women bond over intimacy and feelings.
Not true. Women bond over complaining--straight and lesbians do it equally well.
I've always had too many straight women friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 244||10/21/2014|
Stop being so weird. Just be a dude.
|by Anonymous||reply 245||10/21/2014|
r238 you should watch who you're calling an idiot. You're repeating the same error by taking about "typical guy activiities".
You're not only stereotyping "straight guys" but act like making friends with straight guys is some sitcom-driven exercise where the girl tries to like the things the guy does. Straight guys - like gay guys - are a diverse group.
The point, which eluded you despite substantial information, was that making straight guy friends is not about "typical straight guy things". You must think that gay men only do "typical gay guy things" as well.
The reason I and many gay guys have several close straight male friends is that we have connections that have nothing to do with stereotypes. You find friends in all walks of life by relating to other people you meet where you are.
If you and the OP don't get that, we've figured out what's wrong with both of you.
|by Anonymous||reply 246||10/22/2014|
the problem with you r237 / r246 is that you mentioned a those sport things like running and going to the U.S. Open. Don't you know that DL queens think sports are icky straight guy things, and that going to the gym is a sport?
r238 probably played with dolls, goes only to gay clubs, worships Beyonce and Britney and lives for fashion and soap operas.
Below is OP/ r234 / r238 and what it would be like for them to relate to straight men...
|by Anonymous||reply 247||10/22/2014|
I can imagine that being a straight male and making friends with straight females is tough.
|by Anonymous||reply 248||10/22/2014|
I've my 15 "great friends" five are straight guys. I do like sports, and trust me, that helps.
|by Anonymous||reply 250||10/22/2014|
r249, I was joking. You on the other hand are a fucking moron, and now you're bashing "effeminates".
You and r238 ARE stereotyping, saying straight guys depend on activities, not on feelings. It's like you don't know any straight men. Straight guys have plenty of feelings and are no more "activity" centered than gay men are.
And r234's suggestion that golf and road racing could not have been a dumber parody of that point if he tried. For you and anyone to say he didn't just mean golf and racing are missing the point. Why not add bowling, college football, or a monster truck show?
Get a fucking clue.
And as for me, I would challenge you to any sport, any time, any day. And I would kick your ass.
|by Anonymous||reply 251||10/22/2014|
Jesus, R252 and R253.
Fucking freaks. R251 is dead on. Now you're stereotyping men and women, which is bullshit, bashing gay men.
I seriously doubt you have friends, period, much less a dick.
I would love to get you in a boxing ring and punch the shit out of you..
|by Anonymous||reply 254||10/22/2014|
[quote]Now you're stereotyping men and women, which is bullshit, bashing gay men.
Noting that men and women are different is stereotyping? LOL.
There was nothing in either of those posts "bashing gay men." The truth is that your little prissy self was upset by the sentence "Other than their attractions, there is no difference between straight guys and gay guys."
|by Anonymous||reply 255||10/22/2014|
[quote]I would love to get you in a boxing ring and punch the shit out of you.
If it wasn't clear before that you had issues, this makes it definitive.
|by Anonymous||reply 256||10/22/2014|
All that is too much for me too untangle. But yes, it's probably a little harder to make friends if you're an effeminate. Many people are put off by that.
|by Anonymous||reply 257||10/22/2014|
I totally forgot that "Brandon" was the name of the unattainable straight ballerina in this unrequited love story.
|by Anonymous||reply 258||10/25/2014|
Stop acting feminine. That repels guys,
|by Anonymous||reply 261||11/03/2014|
What about the gay women? I don't care what the orientation of a person is. Some people seem to think that if one befriends a gay person that ANYONE can freely comment or take liberties with the "friendship". I am heterosexual. Period. If I have a gay friend they are homosexual they need to to see what the boundaries are. What about the straight people that make everyone else feel uncomfortable by overstepping the boundaries? Females do it too. The straight ones and the gay ones. Gossip is what ruins a lot of relationships as well as unwanted advances. Straight or gay. People have trouble respecting boundaries and one another's personal lives.
|by Anonymous||reply 262||01/19/2015|
I think a lot of straight guys are insecure about their own sexuality when confronted to gay guys.
Kinsey has shown that there is no such thing as being 100% hetero or 100% homo. So the 10% homo tendencies they have in them may stir that insecurity.
On the other hand I would have a hard time pretending I'm interested in a conversation about football or how this or that chick has such big breasts or a nice ass.
|by Anonymous||reply 264||01/19/2015|
It's tough to find straight guys that aren't nervous around someone openly gay.
|by Anonymous||reply 265||01/19/2015|
[R28],[R30] I generally have the same attitude. I just go by the individual in who I befriend. I don't care about the whatevers of race, age, status, gay, straight, footlicker, and so on. But no matter how much I don't care, the labels tend to pronounce themselves anyway, to some extent it's like we have to be stereotypes so we can "figure" one another out. You can not not be unlabled. Okay so I'm rambling, whatever man Anyways, I love landing a hetero it's a great grab and if he's also already a friend, well, you'll just have one more thing to tell his wife about after the divorce.
|by Anonymous||reply 266||01/19/2015|
As long as you love football/sports and are masculine, you should have MSNY straight dude friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 267||01/19/2015|
"you'll just have one more thing to tell his wife about after the divorce."
|by Anonymous||reply 268||01/19/2015|
I just don't find straight guys that interesting. If you're not talking about sports, high school, cars/motorcycles, job, money, pussy... there's not much left.
With the women, after kid-talk it drops off sharply.
|by Anonymous||reply 269||01/19/2015|
As long as you love at least one major sport, especially football, you not have to be super masculine to have straight friends.
|by Anonymous||reply 270||01/19/2015|
Just tell him you are not looking to get into his pants. He will relax.
|by Anonymous||reply 271||01/19/2015|
You should concentrate on having a few good friends of whatever kind.
|by Anonymous||reply 272||01/19/2015|
Yeah, do what R271 says. Tell him you're not some creepy, sex-crazed predator like how R271 sees himself.
Can you imagine gay people saying this to a straight male? What kind of self-loathing and mental problems does one have in order to even think this? And, they're out saying this there because R271 exists.
|by Anonymous||reply 273||01/19/2015|
You're trolling me all over this site, R274. Here, Rodgers's thread.
|by Anonymous||reply 275||01/19/2015|
I seem to have more straight male friends these days, though they're always surprised when I don't join in their complaints about feminism.
|by Anonymous||reply 276||01/19/2015|
No gay people actually do that R279.
|by Anonymous||reply 280||01/24/2015|
You people do it all the time r280.
|by Anonymous||reply 281||01/24/2015|
My straight male friends are a lot of fun, and there is no sexual tension. Win win!
|by Anonymous||reply 282||01/24/2015|
The most difficult part of maintaining friendships with straight men is that they are mostly quite boring.
|by Anonymous||reply 285||03/08/2015|
I've got mixed feelings about this. All throughout high school, my best friends were straight guys. After graduating and going to college, I didn't really keep up with them as much as I should have. I came out of the closet around that time. I also lost interest in a lot of things that many straight guys like -- mainly video games, since neither I nor my high school friends gave a shit about sports. I have a handful of straight guy friends today, and it's fun to talk with them about the arts and whatnot. But they're not anywhere near as close with me as my old friends were. And sometimes they do seem a bit nervous around me. I wonder if it's because I'm gay. It could also be because I'm weird.
|by Anonymous||reply 286||03/08/2015|
Then don't do it.
Do you have a need to be friends with them for a reason ?
|by Anonymous||reply 287||03/10/2015|
They have no problem with weird people, just gays.
|by Anonymous||reply 288||03/10/2015|
hanging out I don't understand because I have had so many gay friends and many of passed away as living in Dominican Republic in a friendly way regation and apparently had HIV that you can share with me but they always treat me so kindly and respectfully for the most part is that the overly dominant and just totally insecure myself I've always loved women but you know what I love people most of all I'm a Libra and I'm spiritual and some of my gay friends have been the best people that I've ever met in my life but I have no attraction to them like that at all even though they constantly give me complimentsyou know I'm I'm extremely straight guy was married 15 years I have my children and right now I love my girlfriend of 7 years you know but I really just I miss the guys that I meet in third world countries because you're not sodefensive and in trying to throw your gaydom in my thinking that you're going to make me feel uncomfortable somehow or something most of all I run into lesbians. Have a girlfriend but the girlfriend is interested in me and they get very offended by that but is that my problem or my fault as soon as I realized I totally get respect in and go part of me I didn't realize but at the same time the men you know because some of you guys you know really hate us straight guys you know because you've had bad experiences but is not just a terrible thing to do is to start charging everybody by one way because waste 11 percent accurate this is a great day for you guys and I'm happy for you the only thing I'm not happy about is the on originality of the turn gay my grandfather is very upset the gated and just mean happy anymore but I'm sure that was just a trim they used any of those guys are really happy huh so you know the term got taken so that kind of gave it away you know but what really kind of upsets me is that you know my daughter you know she was doing rainbows you know and all the girls at the school started calling her a lesbian and she's an artist and it really sucks that your community doesn't have more originality you know why do you have to take the rainbow from the children take the happy out of gay and take the partners at a cowboy anyway I love you all anyways but how about some originality huh I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of hate from this but you know what fuck you all not me but somebody else love dougity cruise
|by Anonymous||reply 289||06/26/2015|
Asshole Republicans are the majority of straight men. Until that changes who would want to be around such scum?
|by Anonymous||reply 290||06/26/2015|
Most of my friends are straight. Oddly enough, I have lost two straight male friends because their wives considered me some sort of threat. I don't go after straight men, and I don't even go after attached gay men. But, those two women made their husbands friendships with me such an issue, their husbands ended their friendships with me. According to mutual friends, one of the witches still refers to me as her husband's "boyfriend" and needles her husband about me even though her husband and I have not spoken in almost 2 years.
|by Anonymous||reply 291||06/27/2015|
The only straight men who'd accept gay males as friends, are the artsy or intellectual types (writers, musicians, designers). On the opposite spectrum: I've never heard of a blue collar straight man with gay male friends and I don't think they exist.
|by Anonymous||reply 292||06/27/2015|
Some gays (especially at work) try to win the favour of straight guys by ratting out male colleagues, who they suspect are in the closet.
|by Anonymous||reply 293||06/27/2015|
[quote]the only straight men who'd accept gay males as friends, are the artsy or intellectual types (writers, musicians, designers).
I think this is the truth.
Also when you're friendly with their GF or wife...who acts as a buffer.
|by Anonymous||reply 294||06/27/2015|
I lead a separate but equal way of life and I think I'm healthier for it. And, happier.
|by Anonymous||reply 295||06/27/2015|
Not if you are masculine and love sports
|by Anonymous||reply 296||01/08/2016|
I've never had trouble having strong friendships with straight men.
|by Anonymous||reply 298||01/25/2016|
My friend, who is gay, was an expert at it. Of course, it came with a price because they usually wanted something from him: sex on the down-low, money, a place to flop, free booze and cigarettes, etc.
|by Anonymous||reply 299||01/25/2016|
Where do you live rOP. I find it easy. I'm friends mostly with straight dudes. I often bond playing sports, shooting hoops, gym partners, watching sports, going to sports bars. Find common interests and activities.
|by Anonymous||reply 300||01/25/2016|
I am perfectly happy to have all my best friends be gay. I have zero interest in being friends with a straight guy - after I came out most of my guy friends from college never treated me the same, so my attitude is fuck them. I don't even bother with them anymore. Sure, I have straight work friends or casual friends that are straight men. But not close friends or best friends. I
|by Anonymous||reply 301||Last Sunday at 2:43 PM|
Me either R301. Feel just like you.
|by Anonymous||reply 302||Last Sunday at 2:45 PM|
I stopped being friends with straight guys when I realized all the subtle conditions on our friendship. First, having to put up with their "no homo" posturing. They would always say things to reinforce things that they were straight.
Also, it was almost as if I wanted to be privileged enough to hang out with a straight bro then I better adapt to their world - learn sports talk, car talk, girls., videogames.. But if I talked about anything gay related or about the hot guy I went on a date with last night they wouldn't want to hear about it or be uncomortable. Talking about the waitresses nice tits and how they totally wanted to bone her was fine though, of course.. Just seemed like I had to tiptoe around a lot of subjects that I dont have to with my gay friends. It was even worse in a pack of straight men.
Most of these guys claiming to have straight friends are full of shit (there are exceptions to every rule) I can almost guarantee they are not close friends. Only aquaintances that hang out every now and then.
|by Anonymous||reply 303||Last Sunday at 3:05 PM|
How old are you R303?
I have plenty of straight friends and none of those things are issues. They don't talk about "wanting to bone the waitress" either.
PS> Not all straight men are into sports or video games either. And plenty of gay men are.
|by Anonymous||reply 304||Last Sunday at 3:52 PM|
I had a super close friend who was bisexual. When he got married he used a bunch of male exes in his wedding party which made for some awkward moments. The wife became super jealous of me although i have never done any flirting or other stuff with him. But I accidentally uncovered he was cheating on her with a female neighbor and since then I've kept a certain distance between us, not because I disapprove - I care nothing for monogamy - but I don't want to get involved in any family drama.
|by Anonymous||reply 305||Last Sunday at 3:55 PM|
I find that most straight men don't make close friendships with anyone.
|by Anonymous||reply 307||Last Sunday at 4:37 PM|
I find that straight men are so starved for friendship that, the second you show any interest in learning about their lives, they get so excited and think they've made a close friend.
|by Anonymous||reply 308||Last Sunday at 4:38 PM|
How times have changed- many of my gay friends have settled down, gotten married and some even have kids! They never go out unless it's to someplace kid friendly! Meanwhile, my still single straight guy friends are always up for going out- whether it's a weeknight concert, dinner and drinks, Sunday brunch, go kart racing, or a visit to the cigar bar. We have even vacationed together- in fact, last year we all traveled to Miami to attend a wedding between two of our gay friends who moved away. OP, I think you either have outdated ideas about how straight men behave, or you live in some flyover backwater place where they still act the way you described.
|by Anonymous||reply 310||Last Sunday at 7:50 PM|
Gay men love the straight. They do.
|by Anonymous||reply 311||Last Sunday at 7:52 PM|
Straight men have nicer, hairier anuses
|by Anonymous||reply 312||Last Sunday at 9:29 PM|