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Ways to drive a narcissist crazy.

Please list.

by Anonymousreply 15701/09/2013

I agree with the "ignore" suggestions.

by Anonymousreply 807/29/2011

ignore them

by Anonymousreply 1407/29/2011

Minimize them.

by Anonymousreply 1507/29/2011

Interrupt them.

by Anonymousreply 1607/29/2011

Plan to help them with some big thing.

And then flake at the last minute.

by Anonymousreply 1707/29/2011

The worst thing you can possibly do to a narcissist is to severely criticize him publicly and have other people listen to your criticism. This drives them absolutely nuts.

My first boyfriend was a textbook narcissist--he was an actor in college (when we dated), and he is now a playwright of some middling success. He can quote word for word every bad review he has ever received, as well as every good review. The bad ones drive him crazy. He hates the critics who gave him bad reviews with so much energy. He thinks very rarely of me anymore (though we're still FB friends) or his other ex-boyfriends, but he obsesses constantly about the people who have given him bad reviews, even the ones that are twenty years old.

There is no hater quite like a narcissist.

by Anonymousreply 2207/29/2011

Perhaps an even better way to drive a narcissist crazy is to do better than he does at what he cares most about.

by Anonymousreply 2307/29/2011

I'm slightly interested in driving a possibly-narcissist ex crazy. He is already a bit hung up on me, and most likely because I don't pay attention to him and went complete no-contact when we split. He played a lot of mind games up to that point. Anyway, that's why I wonder whether these techniques work for lovers as well.

by Anonymousreply 2407/29/2011

Oh, my. The back of your head looks so sexy today.

by Anonymousreply 2507/29/2011

Sometimes narcissists can be fun. Case in point, a coworker. He truly is a narcissist, but does actually snap out of it. If he weren't so caring and helpful, I'd want to light a match and give him a proper self immolation.

He's so perfect and annoying, but sweet. He grew up working class in a poor area from what I gather. He and his partner have a lovely antique mansion in a small New England city. He cares very much about clothing and cars and things. What is weird about it all, is it isn't lording it over others. He enjoys what he has, he talks about it--- but it's not bragging. It's funny.

He makes me nuts sometimes, but he's never lording it over others. He won the lottery in life and doesn't quite realize it. He doesn't understand that others can't afford some of the things he can. Really doesn't get it.

by Anonymousreply 2607/29/2011

You're not necessarily describing a true textbook narcissist, r26. You sound like you're just describing someone wealthy and vain.

by Anonymousreply 2707/29/2011

I agree with r27

by Anonymousreply 2807/29/2011

R26 doesn't seem to have any concept of what a narcissist is.

by Anonymousreply 2907/29/2011

Find fault with anything or anyone the narcissist considers to be his (extensions of himself).

by Anonymousreply 3007/29/2011

R22 most arts critics are narcissists too, most are even worse than actors or playwrights at handling criticism of their work. You would think they'd be cool about criticism, given that's what they regularly dish out to other people, but that's often not the case.

by Anonymousreply 3107/29/2011

"Every cup finds it's (sic) saucer.

by: smarter than you"

Oh, really?

by Anonymousreply 3407/29/2011

I am NOT hung up on you in the slightest, R24.

by Anonymousreply 3507/29/2011

I have been dating a narcissist for 3 years. The best revenge is to act bored and dissatisfied after sex. Also act like I have an exciting life when is not around.%0D %0D %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 3607/29/2011

Don't watch his relentless press conferences.

by Anonymousreply 3707/29/2011

What is hard about dating/living with a narcissist is that they can be so charming when they want to be with others, but don't use that charm on you once they think they have you. My boyfriend can be lying on the couch and not want to do anything with me, but a friend stops over and he is up and sociable. Drives me crazy but getting upset over it doesn't work, he likes that I get upset. So I act like it doesn't bother me. When we fight and he thinks he may lose me then he is charming. So what do I do? I constantly act like I am breaking up with him to get his attention. Crazy sounding, I know.

by Anonymousreply 3807/29/2011

Yeah, R38. One of the reasons why it is good to get off the rollercoaster.

by Anonymousreply 3907/30/2011

R1 is correct.

Humiliating them in front of others also works.

by Anonymousreply 4207/30/2011

Asking them to repeat themselves because you "weren't listening". Drives them up A WALL!! Agood 4v second pause before replying REALLY rubs it in good. Juust look lost in thought.

by Anonymousreply 4307/30/2011

Confront them about their lies. After calling my ex a narcissist many times, reading books about narcissists right in front of her, and calling her out on her lies over and over and over, she finally went to the psych ward.

Of course, she was fine, and the fact that she was off her rocker was all my fault.

by Anonymousreply 4407/30/2011

In addition to what other posters mentioned, R26, there's this: If you're the one lighting the match, then the friend won't have "a proper self immolation."

by Anonymousreply 4707/30/2011

Boyfriend is a narcissist and also an alcoholic (alcoholism or drug use is pretty common with narcissists). He is the best looking guy I have ever dated and I love him, when he is motivated the sex is awesome.%0D %0D Narcissists don't like to make plans, that would be making you feel too comfortable. My boyfriend always springs things on me, like if he wants to go somewhere or do something he wants to do it right then. %0D %0D I agree with r38, they can be charming with others but once they know that they have you they don't use the charm on you. It hurts my feelings a lot when he ignores me and then is so friendly and talkative with others.%0D %0D Like it has been said here, the best revenge is 1) ignoring them and acting like they don't matter and 2) confronting them in front of others.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 5007/30/2011

The children were ignoring me, but I ultimately got their attention.

by Anonymousreply 5107/30/2011

r51 - wish somebody would open a new thread about you, the other one is full.

by Anonymousreply 5207/30/2011

Ignore them.

Tell they that they need a nose job.

Tell them that other guy is more handsome.

Send them Anon email from a disposable address telling them all of their faults.

Stop inviting them to events. Continue to ignore them if you see them.

Voila! One pissed off narcissist

by Anonymousreply 5307/30/2011

Oh God, I think my crush is a narcissist. It took you guys to make me realize it. Shit!

by Anonymousreply 5407/31/2011

[quote]Narcissists don't like to make plans, that would be making you feel too comfortable%0D %0D %0D That explains a lot. I have this "friend" I went to school with....every now and then she calls and says something like do you want to go to the movies at 9:00 the call usually comes at 8:56.

by Anonymousreply 5507/31/2011

A primer for those unsure of the disorder and what it entails.

by Anonymousreply 5607/31/2011

Win TWO Oscars and refuse to die.

by Anonymousreply 5707/31/2011

Thank you for this, R56. Reading this, I believe that my ex-lover probably had/has BPD with some narcissistic traist and is not really a narcissist per se. For some reason, this makes me feel relieved, as at least someone with BPD can occasionally make shifts in their life. I wonder about true narcissists, though.

by Anonymousreply 5807/31/2011

[quote] Most faggots are narcissists. Most lesbians are not.

I think not. I've had the misfortune of knowing two lesbians who are narcissists. One is a bully and alcoholic. She ended up losing her business and long-term GF because she treated people like shit. The other, also a business owner, is not an unkind person, but everything must revolve around her feelings/approach to life. She spends so much time analyzing herself that her business is suffering.

by Anonymousreply 5907/31/2011

A narcissist run you start to talk about their evil way, they are aware of their evil deeds than they let on.

by Anonymousreply 6007/31/2011

My father is a Narcissistic Sociopath, and I stopped speaking to him entirely 16 years ago. I don't miss him one bit. r60 is right, they know what they do.

by Anonymousreply 6107/31/2011

When it's my sister I boss her around. Drives her completely bonkers.%0D

by Anonymousreply 6207/31/2011

Of course she never does anything I ask but just the insult of being told to do something but a younger sibling drives her WILD.%0D

by Anonymousreply 6307/31/2011

Just one day stop being politely silent when they dish out their usually shit, then point out clearly and in great detail what a coward, bully, insecure liar and unloveable person they are. Watch them explode!

Also agree that criticizing them in front of others is good, too (because they are deeply insecure and worry what others think...that's their problem)

by Anonymousreply 6407/31/2011

Write a New York Times article about "The A-List: New York" informing Reichen Lehmkuhl that he is, in fact, D-list.

by Anonymousreply 6507/31/2011

When he breaks up with you, calmly and respectfully smile and say ok, sure, I think it's the right time for us to call it quits and I'll always enjoy the time we had together.

He will shit in his fucking pants.

by Anonymousreply 6607/31/2011

Well, in the case of my father, it was to praise any of his children for anything. He would smile and accept the compliment on our behalf and then later find some way to belittle or undermine us. Because God forbid anyone not recognize his blinding superiority in every way.

There were six of us and we're all adults now. And he doesn't understand why none of us has a relationship with him or wants to bask in his aura. It's been six years since anyone has seen him and longer than that for most.

by Anonymousreply 6707/31/2011

R67 = Ronan Farrow

by Anonymousreply 6807/31/2011

[quote]Casually praise those who pull off what he is or tries to be, at least as well as he does: on the street, screen, magazine page. As though he's invisible, or certainly not in the same league

this is so true. I fell hard for a narcissist and his never ending charm. I have recovered and we see each other as friends. This guy is not all bad, but he is a narcissist.

Nothing drives him crazier than to say that someone is better looking than him or even that his boyfriend isn't that nice or attractive.

Also point out their lapses in logic. This narcissist moved in with his boyfriend and now can't wait to have sex with other guys and they don't really have an agreement. Yet he would be mortally wounded if he found out his partner did the same to him.

by Anonymousreply 6907/31/2011

I always give a compliment followed by a stronger blow to the psyche. For example: "OMG you look so thin!" This part said publicly. Then I whisper "Are you, I mean, you're OKAY, right? Have you talked to your doctor?"

by Anonymousreply 7007/31/2011

You're all a bunch of amateurs. The way to get to a narcissist is not to compliment or insult them, it is to compliment someone else. In their presence you want to glowingly flatter another person who has the attributes the narcissist wishes he had. Try these:

1. He's one of those lucky people who has a great body naturally without having to work out too much.

2. He's really smart, graduated at the top of his class

3. He has a million friends, everyone loves the guy.

4. You should see his house. He rehabbed it himself an it's gorgeous.

5. He's so lucky to have found (partner). They really seem like they're totally in love.

6. He's got a great job. Works from home, travels and makes in the mid 6 figures.

7. I love his family. Really interesting, down to earth, good people.

You get the idea. No one can ever call you out on complimenting someone else. You're just being generous in recognizing the good fortune of others. . If the narcissist does call you out, it only makes him seem petty and he knows it so he can't do anything by quietly seethe and squirm.

I use this tactic on narcissistic assholes all the time. It's fun to watch them implode. They can not stand it when someone else has the limelight.

by Anonymousreply 7107/31/2011

Thanks, R71. I will remember that.

by Anonymousreply 7207/31/2011

One of our friends lives with a girl who is a total narcissist, and she often comes out with us (if it was my decision, she would stay home). He invites her out of pity. She talks about nothing but herself, and stuff she's seen on TV. When she gets really annoying, I try to think of things to talk about that would really annoy her. Usually it revolves around a subject that is universally interesting, such as a news story about the plights or situations of people around the world, or an interesting article on some social or community subject (I'll bring up something I've read in Mother Jones or The Progressive). It just winds her up if we start talking about other people, or a situation that requires analysis or complex thinking (poverty in urban areas, art movements etc.) I love it.

by Anonymousreply 7307/31/2011

Why would you have anything to do with a narcissist anyway?

by Anonymousreply 7407/31/2011

You should be careful to delineate your self from the narcissist inside you, this alien growth, this spiritual cancer that is the result of living with a narcissist. You should be able to tell apart your real you and the YOU assigned to you by the narcissist. To cope with him/her, the narcissist forces you to "walk on eggshells" and develop a False Self of your own. It is nothing as elaborate as his False Self %E2%80%93 but it is there, in you, as a result of the trauma and abuse inflicted upon you by the narcissist.

by Anonymousreply 7508/05/2011

r32 LMAO

by Anonymousreply 7608/05/2011

Sounds more like Borderline Personality Disorder, R74, though I know exactly what you mean, and am still recovering from what I suspect is my possibly-BPD ex's "assigned" self image that he attributed to me. Kind of crazy because I normally have a strong and healthy sense of self. This has just been the biggest headfuck for me.

by Anonymousreply 7708/05/2011

Make them feel jealous - and nearly anything makes them jealous. Talk about your new car, new jewelry, how somebody flirted with you, just anything. They want ALL the attention, ALL the glory, they're jealous of anything you have or any attention you get.

Oh and ignore everything they say or do - act like you're not listening when they're bragging or really when they say anything at all.

Best strategy of all: stay away from them (forever.)

by Anonymousreply 7808/05/2011

Every time you look at him, squint or close your eyes. When he asks you why, tell him you are trying to filter out the ugly

by Anonymousreply 7908/06/2011

I rise above all the toxic resentment of this thread.

Namaste.

by Anonymousreply 8008/06/2011

Clearly you've never dated someone with a bonafide personality disorder, R81. I was cheated on by my life partner after 15 years, and subsequently I left, and it's horrible, and we don't speak - but I don't think that ex has a personality disorder.

This other guy - I dumped him, actually. I believe him to have a personality disorder. It's not pretty stuff and it fucks with your head. In fact, he is the only one I've ever dated that I think might have one.

by Anonymousreply 8208/06/2011

Well, if you don't believe there's any such thing as psychopathy or a person without a conscience, then perhaps you could also believe that narcissism is just a cliche, R81.

But I believe Narcissistic Personality Disorder exists, or perhaps it's simply another form of Psychopathy or Sociopathy, generally minus the extreme violence.

In fact, most psychopaths do not commit violent crimes, but they have no compassion for people, and in fact, don't see them as having any more value than an object, like a lawn mower or a microwave oven. The "object", the person, is simply a tool to provide them with something they want - otherwise, they have no feelings for them whatsoever. Ditto with what's typically been called "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" which I believe is being removed from the psychiatrist's reference book, the DSM or whatever it's called, 5th version I believe.

If you've ever had any close dealings with these people, you wouldn't doubt their existence. I have, and I don't.

by Anonymousreply 8308/06/2011

[quote]"Narcissistic Personality Disorder" which I believe is being removed from the psychiatrist's reference book, the DSM%0D %0D %0D %0D why?

by Anonymousreply 8408/06/2011

Beats the hell out of me. Some psychiatrists got together and decided to either delete it or combine it with Antisocial Personality Disorder.

One reason I think is there's no drug they can prescribe and make money from - and the treatment of NPD is excruciating for psychologists or psychiatrists to deal with - those people drive everyone crazy. I think they want to pretend it doesn't exist anymore and just lump them in with the untreatable sociopaths aka psychopaths aka they don't know what the hell they're doing (psychology professionals I mean)

by Anonymousreply 8508/06/2011

Info about the new DSV #5 (reference book for psychiatric diagnoses):

Five personality types

Instead of the old ten personality types, DSM-V has simplified the system by cutting them down to just five: Antisocial/Psychopathic, Avoidant, Borderline, Obsessive-Compulsive, and Schizotypal types. Each type comes with a narrative paragraph description. Antisocial/Psychopathic types have inflated grandiosity and a pervasive pattern of taking advantage of other people. Avoidant types are inhibited from forming and maintaining relationships out of fears of humiliation and rejection. Borderline types show intense emotionality, impulsivity, internal feelings of emptiness, and fears of rejection. Obsessive-compulsive types are hyperfocused on details and are excessively stubborn, rigid, and moralistic. Schizotypal types are characterized by odd thinking and appearances or confused states.

Clinicians simply read each paragraph length narrative description and rate on a 1-5 scale how much a patient matches each one (with 4 or 5 being a threshold for diagnosis). Research studies have found that clinicians tend to find this the most useful and comprehensive method for personality diagnosis, improving clinical description and treatment planning from the current system.

by Anonymousreply 8608/06/2011

Oops - it's the DSM V. I'm always getting that mixed up.

by Anonymousreply 8708/06/2011

HA! Just got revenge on my narcissist. He went to bed early but I didn't feel like it, he asked me a few times if I was coming to bed and I just breezily said "no". That kills him because he thinks I should just automatically do what he does and I should be running to bed to be with him. %0D %0D %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 8808/07/2011

[71] has the right idea, but in the end, the only person who is going to be driven crazy is you. Narcissists never think they are wrong and you will drive yourself crazy trying to drive them crazy.

Best thing you can do is stay away as much as possible. It's not always easy, depending upon the narcissist's relationship to you, but try to minimize that person in your life.

by Anonymousreply 8908/07/2011

The psychiatric community is just going to drive itself nuts trying to classify all these personality disorders without taking into account continuums. While there are many clear traits seen in the various bents, most aren't stand-alone. I think r85's assessment of the motives behind this new version of the DSM is the most accurate.

by Anonymousreply 9008/07/2011

R83, R81 am a lapsed psychologist, so I no longer believe anything.

by Anonymousreply 9108/07/2011

My sister is a narcissist and it's driving me crazy. The upcoming holiday season is gonna put her in overdrive.

Need more survival techniques

by Anonymousreply 9210/10/2011

Ask him a sincere question, but then walk away as he starts to answer.

by Anonymousreply 9310/10/2011

Well, R92, don't expect any help from people whowork in the fields of psychiatry or psychology. The experts here at Datalounge have determined that the professionals simply don't know what they're talking about.

by Anonymousreply 9410/10/2011

I finally told my narcissist off tonight and he called me back 3 times and I ignored it. It felt good to make him suffer a little, but I already miss him. ACK, I am such a fool for him.

by Anonymousreply 9510/18/2011

my narcissist has been in my life for 3 1/2 years. after surfing the net, he has all the traits and life IS a constant rollercoaster. what i couldnt figure out for the longest was why he never congratulated me on my work successes/awards, wished me Happy anything, and would go silent if i had success in my personal life (new car, house, kids excelled at anything, etc). now i think i've finally figured it out...YIKES!

by Anonymousreply 9703/08/2012

Ignore him.

by Anonymousreply 9803/08/2012

tell them they are a narcissist

by Anonymousreply 9903/08/2012

right now, he's in his silent phase after i just got a new car and my oldest has been accepted to a great college. i don't boast these to him and actually tend to hold back on telling him anything great that happens to me, the "walk on eggshells" thing. but ultimately he finds out through another coworker or someone else. I am waiting for his contact and i'll ask him where his narcissistic a** has been.

by Anonymousreply 10003/08/2012

...or, as suggested, just ignore the heck out of him. he's just a toxic cancer and i'm not referring to his astrological sign.

by Anonymousreply 10103/08/2012

Actually, the best way I found to drive a narcissist absolutely nuts is to say, "don't you just hate it when some asshole does XXXX" and give them something they did, with the names and dates changed. It will take them a few times to get who you are talking about, but once they do you will get a panic reaction.

by Anonymousreply 10203/08/2012

[quote]Perhaps an even better way to drive a narcissist crazy is to do better than he does at what he cares most about.

This will bring out their psycho side, Be careful you do this only if in secure situation.

by Anonymousreply 10303/08/2012

1. Compliment other people in front of them, i agree 100%, if you want to piss them off.

2. Ignore them. Ignore them or act uninterested when they speak. Also, when you speak, if you are knowledgable, if you actually have in depth knowledge about subjects you speak about, this really pisses them off, because they dont invest in any subject topic or person, they feel so entitled. they only posess superficial knowledge, and they know it.

3. Use mind control techniques. I use psychic manipulation and interference to set the stage and give me the upper hand when playing with them.

4. Never let too much hang out, talk too much, or reveal too much about yourself. Narcissists are wound up tight, the calculator is always running, unless they are drunk or high. Mirroring the same control and self-posessedness are necessary in order to have any sway over a narcissist. create a 'false self' strictly in dealing with a narcissist.

5. But make sure to maintain a clear sense of yourself

6. Most narcissists are consumate seducers, because that is all they know. They are trapped in a pathological cycle. Read good sources on seduction techniques. It is easy to turn the tables on the narcissist, especially the earlier it is in the game.

6. Narcissists are controlled by a phobia of being controlled and manipulated. Yet, they are gullible in certain aspects. You can inflict serious narcissistic injury easily on a narcissist. When one is trying to seduce you or you manage to seduce them, let them think they are starting to get you hooked than rip the carpet from under them like a shock. YOU go from dr. jekil to mr Hyde, YOU go ice cold. You let them know your were just playing a game with them the whole time, you can say it without saying it. just DONT do it with someone who even has the potential to become violent.

by Anonymousreply 10408/10/2012

None of these suggestions would work. Seriously, I've been with a narcissist and ignoring and stuff like that do not work. Anyway, it's passive aggressive bullshit.

The things that drove him mad were: not looking at him when he talked, which is different than completely ignoring him. You don't ignore him, you just don't look in his face. Ignoring won't work. But this might. And I wasn't doing it intentionally, it's just habit but he disliked it when I was doing a meal or looking at a cover of a book while he talked. I would follow the conversation but only look at him from time to time.

Second thing that drove him crazy was telling him he had bad breath. He did have bad breath but telling him would shut him up completely.

by Anonymousreply 10508/10/2012

See? Paranoia is no longer a disease. Because they are watching you.

by Anonymousreply 10608/10/2012

Don't give them ANYTHING to mirror. Ever. They are empty souled, energy vampires

by Anonymousreply 10709/10/2012

Call them by the wrong name.

by Anonymousreply 10809/10/2012

Shoot them. It's worked many times for me.

by Anonymousreply 10909/10/2012

STAY AWAY FROM GAY BARS. That's all the advice you need.

by Anonymousreply 11009/10/2012

Just ignore ignore ignore. If you point out faults or insult them in front of others, they get to play victim, their favorite role. They will use this to dodge any accountability for how they have treated you - because you obviously deserved it, etc. Just ignore them. A completely narcissistic ex of mine even said in an interivew that they had not come out of the closet earlier because they were not with the right person. So their self-hating, cowardice was also my fault because I wasn't good enough.

by Anonymousreply 11109/10/2012

I used these on my narcissistic ex. Pretty harmless but effective. I told him he doesn't matter enough for me to give a shit about him. And I remained friends with our common friends. That pissed him off to no end.

Warning: Can turn nasty and probably not worth it unless you have exposed him to such an extent that he rather avoids causing shit for you because people are on to him.

by Anonymousreply 11209/13/2012

Living your life well is the best revenge.

by Anonymousreply 11309/13/2012

Don't compliment him when he updates his facebook profile pic for the upteenth time.

by Anonymousreply 11409/13/2012

How do they react to bigger narcissists?

by Anonymousreply 11609/14/2012

My 60 yr old female room-mate is a Severe Narcissist. I would like to her meet her male counter-part & they can move in together.

by Anonymousreply 11709/21/2012

Berate them. It worked with my roommate. He was so used to people being in his "Patrick Bateman" thrall, that he couldn't imagine there were people out there who weren't intimidated by the total package that was: David!

Well, David and I got into it one day. He cheated me out of some money and I went after him, backed him into a corner, and let him have it, verbally. I have to admit...I loved seeing him squirm.

by Anonymousreply 11809/21/2012

Heather? I thought I got rid of you!

by Anonymousreply 11909/21/2012

I find this thread somewhat confusing - so a normal healthy person would NOT be upset if you publicly humiliated them, ignored them, never looked them in the eye, berated them, discounted them, bossed them around?

by Anonymousreply 12009/21/2012

constantly ask him "do you own a nose-hair trimmer?"

by Anonymousreply 12109/21/2012

R120 aside from the fact that the mission is to drive them crazy and not merely make them "upset" a "normal" healthy person may be upset, but they may also have greater ease at brushing it off and not letting it effect them. A healthy person is more likely to say the problem is not with them, but with the person that is treating them poorly. For a narcissist, its the opposite. They need much more validation than others, and dont care if they get that validation at the expense of others.

by Anonymousreply 12209/21/2012

R97, it sounds like you REALLY need to get out of that relationship right fucking now.

by Anonymousreply 12309/21/2012

If you're on the phone with them,always be the one to hang up first. Use your watch. After 5 minutes, just say, well, gotta go. They will be eating out of your hand in no time. But personally, I think it's better to be alone than be with a narcissist. It's a lifelong condition they don't outgrow.

by Anonymousreply 12409/21/2012

When he breaks up with you, which he almost certainly will, usually after making you fall in love with him and promising you the moon, do not get upset. Just calmly respond "Oh, sweetie, that's fine, we gave it a good go and I totally agree this is the right decision."

He will lose his fucking mind.

by Anonymousreply 12509/21/2012

Prove them wrong or inept in front of a lot of prestigious people.

by Anonymousreply 12609/21/2012

Never respond with anything other than an "I did..." sentence.

by Anonymousreply 12709/21/2012

[quote]How do they react to bigger narcissists?

Depends on how the person is relevant to them. The ones I've known don't think of other people in terms of degrees of narcissism; they don't give others that exact kind of consideration.

If the other person has nothing to offer them? Ignore. If the other person has something they want? Seduce. If the other person hurts them? Tell everyone that person is a crazy, lying asshole.

Narcissists would use other people as human shields, if it meant keeping their own web of lies and ulterior motives unexposed.

by Anonymousreply 12809/21/2012

Blame farts on them.

by Anonymousreply 12909/22/2012

Ignore them..totally. It drives them to near-suicide.

by Anonymousreply 13009/23/2012

Elect his opponent, President Obama.

by Anonymousreply 13109/23/2012

If he's fat and growing fatter, every time you see him say, "Have you lost weight?" That will drive him nuts because he will think you actually think of him as fatter than he is.

by Anonymousreply 13209/24/2012

After he posts a long and erudite explanation on datalounge, pose the same stupid question again as if he hadn't.

by Anonymousreply 13309/24/2012

Most of you sound sad. By getting "revenge" on a narcissist, you are sinking to their level. By doing that, you're basically imitating them, therefore, they win, not you.

The worst are the posters currently dating a narcissist, putting up with their crap, and then coming on here to play the victim.

Most of you sound very insecure.

The BEST way to deal with a narcissist is by cutting them out of your life. Don't sink to their level and get revenge, just move on. Nothing YOU do will ever affect them as much as the things they do to themselves. They are their own worst enemy, that's why they're miserable.

The minute you decide to get revenge, is the minute they win.

by Anonymousreply 13409/24/2012

My NPD husband is a complete dirty a.. scumbag insecure jealous sneaky coward with sick voyeuristic pornographic tendencies to say the least. 15-20 years ago he sexually harassed a woman at work by filming her private parts for 20 minutes or so from the corner of the office and ended up blaming me for it if you can believe that. She reported him. The weird and the creepy goes on and on but too much to discuss here in this forum.

It took me 25 years of misery, confusion, anger, frustration, isolation, loneliness and depression and shear unhappiness to identify it with the help of a family counselor. The counselor came into play when more recently he brought the worst complete chaos to my life and my kid’s lives and destroyed what little reason I had that existed to keep this dysfunctional so-called marriage together so deeply and calculatingly nasty and deliberate. It didn’t involve another woman, but something more sinister and truly evil. He finally admitted (at a weaker moment) that he did those things because he was angry with me and in a another conversation he has said that I will make him to look bad to others. WOW!! But this same guy also says he loves me. Based on what he done and does, I say DOUBLE WOW and SCARY!!!

So he doesn’t mind humiliating me, slandering me, undermining me, making people think I have lost my mind, putting a wedge between me our daughter, lying and disgracing me, destroying our family…just as long as you don’t look bad. Disgustingly ugly excuse for a spouse.

He is a nasty compulsive sick cowardly liar that uses his wife and children as human shields to cover his tracks. This has played out many times and in many ways. My daughter in particular has been so manipulated and mentally damaged by him and my relationship with him. My failure to identify what I was dealing with truly and the hopelessness of his disorder and be courageous and sure and get the hell out of this marriage no matter if I didn’t know what it was because I certainly knew I was miserable and alone. I just always said to myself that if I could just get him to see the pain he is causing. Never mattered, never worked. I should have left when they were little. I don’t know if our daughter will ever be okay and I and her little brother can ever have a normal relationship with her and vice versa. She is completely lost to us right now. I’ve realized that due to my own indecisiveness and emotional and mental confusion and pain I left my kids unprotected and me mentally weak to keep myself confident and sure.. May God and them forgive me one day…

Further, when he isn't or wasn’t lying, he is/was denying or undermining me to his family and his friends until they are confused as to what is what and who is who I end up looking like some harpy nut because of course he made sure he told when I finally lose my cool and snap in my pain and frustration, screaming at him over his disgusting horrible actions and his apathy towards it and lack of accountability. Of not in front of them but of course he makes sure he tells them I was on him somehow and he makes himself look so victimized…. Which of course, that plays right into his....i'm just a poor victim.." routine for the public. Of course if denying and lying doesn't work, watering down his actions is also one of his tools. Of course he tells anyone that he loves me and I'm just unforgiving and he wants his family. Sound good but his actions don’t line up with that. That kinda stuff is what kept me so confused. But I’ve learned after all these years what it is: that a NPD loves nothing and no one…not really….what you and I call love, they feel nothing unless it relates or is of benefit to them somehow. Unless they get something out if for themselves. Nothing stands alone. They don’t have the ability to empathize or have compassion. They can only copycat, mirror or feign these feelings. So wanting his “family” only means I want the benefit of having family and what that entails. We are tools to be used for his personal comfort, that’s all. He is acutely skilled at denying, dismissing, ignoring, hanging up or putting the phone down, or using verbal bullying tactics (talking over or interrupting you) or simply gaslighting any confrontation which means basically backtracking and turning his own words around repeatedly and so relentlessly until you doubt yourself and what you heard and saw from him and then if that isn’t maddening enough after decades of it, blames me for all of his disgusting actions always. He has totally destroyed our family life and used me and kids as a human shield to cover his deeds. He has no concept of cause and effect and accountability for his atrocious actions but blames me for despising him.

Lately, I’ve been seeking spirituality and going to church for peace of mind and lately he has been using that as a tool to attempt to control my thoughts and conclusions about him….example: I am totally once again confronting him in detail and emotions about his behavior and looking for him to validate my feelings, acknowledge his actions and the damage and say something poignant to demonstrate he gets it. NO LUCK…..When he is finally cornered (after an hour) and all his other tools of distraction, bull and avoidance are exhausted says some stupid like….”your demonized, your possessed….you don’t believe in God.”…. All of this crap because I am not accepting his bull crap and lies and continuing to hold him completely accountable to the top of my lungs eventually, because in his NPD mind if I were a good Christian and sincere I would just forgive him without qualification, demonstration or explanations and resume life with at his comfort. That’s not even biblically sound. You are accountable for your actions, period and when you are accountable and make significant demonstrations of sincere regret and amends can you hope to be forgiven…PERIOD… And by the way, keep in mind throughout this fight he is using is still lying, denying, avoiding tactics so he might as well throw God in the mix when all else fails to get me to do as he would want for his convenience at my emotional and mental expense and detriment and dignity. To anyone reading this, to deal with them is so exhausting and mind numbingly tiring and does one’s self so much mental and emotional damage it is just not worth it. There games and tactics wear you out. You could find yourself in a loony bin behind getting caught up in their incessant insanity. You end up always on guard, always alone, always accused, abused and mishandled, always unhappy and resentful in a one-sided relationship. I honestly have come to the conclusion through my reading that I have also have co-dependent tendencies as well and through counseling discovered that he is NPD and that is a very dangerous combination. It will either destroy you or make you destroy him. It’s not worth it and he’s not worth it, it will take so much away from your life to not be able to trust and fully love who you are with deeply and securely and they love you back in a honest mature deep way as well. Stop the misery and loneliness and learn to love yourself enough to get away from them cleanly….easier said than done sometimes…I know…Get out and find someone who has the ability to truly love you and who you don’t have to play games with. I’m learning to stop fighting and arguing with a degenerate retarded piece of crap and stop trying to get him to acknowledge and change something for my sake and the sake our kids that he cant. I might as well ask him to change his skin color, it’s that impossible. He can’t change who he is and he can’t give me back the lost years or heal my heart either. I can only work on my issues and prepare to be lovable to someone else. Right now I feel like damaged goods and unlovable. In the meantime, I’m going back to school, repairing my credit, looking for a better job and making my plans to go and finding out how to love me and trust and believe that I can find a better life.

by Anonymousreply 13509/25/2012

My NPD husband is a complete dirty a.. scumbag insecure jealous sneaky coward with sick voyeuristic pornographic tendencies to say the least. 15-20 years ago he sexually harassed a woman at work by filming her private parts for 20 minutes or so from the corner of the office and ended up blaming me for it if you can believe that. She reported him. The weird and the creepy goes on and on but too much to discuss here in this forum.

It took me 25 years of misery, confusion, anger, frustration, isolation, loneliness and depression and shear unhappiness to identify it with the help of a family counselor. The counselor came into play when more recently he brought the worst complete chaos to my life and my kid’s lives and destroyed what little reason I had that existed to keep this dysfunctional so-called marriage together so deeply and calculatingly nasty and deliberate. It didn’t involve another woman, but something more sinister and truly evil. He finally admitted (at a weaker moment) that he did those things because he was angry with me and in a another conversation he has said that I will make him to look bad to others. WOW!! But this same guy also says he loves me. Based on what he done and does, I say DOUBLE WOW and SCARY!!!

So he doesn’t mind humiliating me, slandering me, undermining me, making people think I have lost my mind, putting a wedge between me our daughter, lying and disgracing me, destroying our family…just as long as you don’t look bad. Disgustingly ugly excuse for a spouse.

He is a nasty compulsive sick cowardly liar that uses his wife and children as human shields to cover his tracks. This has played out many times and in many ways. My daughter in particular has been so manipulated and mentally damaged by him and my relationship with him. My failure to identify what I was dealing with truly and the hopelessness of his disorder and be courageous and sure and get the hell out of this marriage no matter if I didn’t know what it was because I certainly knew I was miserable and alone. I just always said to myself that if I could just get him to see the pain he is causing. Never mattered, never worked. I should have left when they were little. I don’t know if our daughter will ever be okay and I and her little brother can ever have a normal relationship with her and vice versa. She is completely lost to us right now. I’ve realized that due to my own indecisiveness and emotional and mental confusion and pain I left my kids unprotected and me mentally weak to keep myself confident and sure.. May God and them forgive me one day…

Further, when he isn't or wasn’t lying, he is/was denying or undermining me to his family and his friends until they are confused as to what is what and who is who I end up looking like some harpy nut because of course he made sure he told when I finally lose my cool and snap in my pain and frustration, screaming at him over his disgusting horrible actions and his apathy towards it and lack of accountability. Of not in front of them but of course he makes sure he tells them I was on him somehow and he makes himself look so victimized…. Which of course, that plays right into his....i'm just a poor victim.." routine for the public. Of course if denying and lying doesn't work, watering down his actions is also one of his tools. Of course he tells anyone that he loves me and I'm just unforgiving and he wants his family. Sound good but his actions don’t line up with that. That kinda stuff is what kept me so confused. But I’ve learned after all these years what it is: that a NPD loves nothing and no one…not really….what you and I call love, they feel nothing unless it relates or is of benefit to them somehow. Unless they get something out if for themselves. Nothing stands alone. They don’t have the ability to empathize or have compassion. They can only copycat, mirror or feign these feelings. So wanting his “family” only means I want the benefit of having family and what that entails. We are tools to be used for his personal comfort, that’s all. He is acutely skilled at denying, dismissing, ignoring, hanging up or putting the phone down, or using verbal bullying tactics (talking over or interrupting you) or simply gaslighting any confrontation which means basically backtracking and turning his own words around repeatedly and so relentlessly until you doubt yourself and what you heard and saw from him and then if that isn’t maddening enough after decades of it, blames me for all of his disgusting actions always. He has totally destroyed our family life and used me and kids as a human shield to cover his deeds. He has no concept of cause and effect and accountability for his atrocious actions but blames me for despising him.

Lately, I’ve been seeking spirituality and going to church for peace of mind and lately he has been using that as a tool to attempt to control my thoughts and conclusions about him….example: I am totally once again confronting him in detail and emotions about his behavior and looking for him to validate my feelings, acknowledge his actions and the damage and say something poignant to demonstrate he gets it. NO LUCK…..When he is finally cornered (after an hour) and all his other tools of distraction, bull and avoidance are exhausted says some stupid like….”your demonized, your possessed….you don’t believe in God.”…. All of this crap because I am not accepting his bull crap and lies and continuing to hold him completely accountable to the top of my lungs eventually, because in his NPD mind if I were a good Christian and sincere I would just forgive him without qualification, demonstration or explanations and resume life with at his comfort. That’s not even biblically sound. You are accountable for your actions, period and when you are accountable and make significant demonstrations of sincere regret and amends can you hope to be forgiven…PERIOD… And by the way, keep in mind throughout this fight he is using is still lying, denying, avoiding tactics so he might as well throw God in the mix when all else fails to get me to do as he would want for his convenience at my emotional and mental expense and detriment and dignity. To anyone reading this, to deal with them is so exhausting and mind numbingly tiring and does one’s self so much mental and emotional damage it is just not worth it. There games and tactics wear you out. You could find yourself in a loony bin behind getting caught up in their incessant insanity. You end up always on guard, always alone, always accused, abused and mishandled, always unhappy and resentful in a one-sided relationship. I honestly have come to the conclusion through my reading that I have also have co-dependent tendencies as well and through counseling discovered that he is NPD and that is a very dangerous combination. It will either destroy you or make you destroy him. It’s not worth it and he’s not worth it, it will take so much away from your life to not be able to trust and fully love who you are with deeply and securely and they love you back in a honest mature deep way as well. Stop the misery and loneliness and learn to love yourself enough to get away from them cleanly….easier said than done sometimes…I know…Get out and find someone who has the ability to truly love you and who you don’t have to play games with. I’m learning to stop fighting and arguing with a degenerate retarded piece of crap and stop trying to get him to acknowledge and change something for my sake and the sake our kids that he cant. I might as well ask him to change his skin color, it’s that impossible. He can’t change who he is and he can’t give me back the lost years or heal my heart either. I can only work on my issues and prepare to be lovable to someone else. Right now I feel like damaged goods and unlovable. In the meantime, I’m going back to school, repairing my credit, looking for a better job and making my plans to go and finding out how to love me and trust and believe that I can find a better life.

by Anonymousreply 13609/25/2012

WTF?

by Anonymousreply 13709/25/2012

Umm, good luck with things. We wish you nothing but the best...

by Anonymousreply 13809/25/2012

Is R137 real? How did he blame you for videoing a woman's hoo-ha? Did he claim you wanted the snatch view and forced him to do it? I'm unclear.

by Anonymousreply 13909/25/2012

great list ! i've refined a few skills in the process of getting away from N. first though, ask yourself, have you really come to terms with the fact that whatever you do to piss them off is not going to last, is going to fall on barren ground ? these people are incredibly self-deluded, whatever you do will just become a dribble in history, so be sure to save your dignity.

second,coming out of intimate relationships with N leaves us with self-doubt, low self-esteem, and a pervading sense of confusion. and, i think its ok to take some time to play a little game with them, so you can see how they operate. get smart, run a few experiments and set yourself free from the delusion they are spinning on you. this will also help your healing. plan ahead and stay safe.

consider these dimensions, the stuff in their own playgrounds ..... control vs lack of control superior vs inferior admired vs overlooked

the trick to keep them transfixed is to work both sides of a dimension simultaneously, one up and one down. eg. one to inflate, the other a reality check, but delivered in a way that creates a tension !! :-) it really is instructive to see them in a state of cognitive dissonance (ie reality not matching the self-concept). you can see a range of purile statements and behaviors as they struggle to make sense.

mostly, i suggest to work on youself, to be free, and to forgive yourself for being duped. blessings to all survivors !

by Anonymousreply 14009/28/2012

[quote]the trick to keep them transfixed is to work both sides of a dimension simultaneously, one up and one down. eg. one to inflate, the other a reality check, but delivered in a way that creates a tension !! :-)

r141 you are so delightfully evil!!!

by Anonymousreply 14109/28/2012

@141 thanks !! survivor and proud !

the comment by evil bitch, earlier on in the thread, is excellent.

by Anonymousreply 14209/28/2012

R141 makes no sense. What's an example of what you say?

by Anonymousreply 14309/28/2012

I used to say to a coworker:

Are you getting a zit?

Have you gained weight?

He would flip out.

by Anonymousreply 14409/28/2012

Mindfuck them with sarcasm

by Anonymousreply 14509/30/2012

[quote]my boyfriend of two years let me for another girl because i accuse him of seen another girl and since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me,he was not responding to my call or email and he even unfriend me in facebook and he told me that he is done with me.i was searching on the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and i explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of 3days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise the third day a great miracle fell on me and my ex come back to me on the third day and he beg me for forgiveness ultimatespeltemple@gmail.com i will continue to publish his name because he is my Savior and we are about to get married.if you need him to help you Email ultimatespeltemple@gmail.com

How fucking fascinating!

by Anonymousreply 14710/04/2012

Apparently the answer is: Put her on a judging panel with Mariah!

by Anonymousreply 14810/04/2012

all you need to do is threaten their public reputations in some way, and they'll go batshit crazy.

take it from me- the threat of social shame is the one thing that they can't abide. it will enrage them :)

a narcissist will do anything to shield his or her true self from others, in order to project the right image (i.e. the false mask that is worn).

so pull off the mask and let others see what's inside. it is the ultimate revenge.

by Anonymousreply 14910/04/2012

Tell him that an average guy you know, is your best friend and you both get along well and tell the boring "narc"or narcissist (they are all boring ) never to disturb you and your friend.

That will nail him and send him back to hell!

by Anonymousreply 15010/04/2012

[150] superb, and i also think correct.

i recently observed a high functioning N take down links to his new flame on his FB when it was suggested (planned experiment) that the page wasn't looking professional !!!!

it was like making pie

by Anonymousreply 15110/06/2012

I will forever talk good about Priest of Pyramid because i was childless for 7 years and my husband was no longer coming home for dinner. He normally comes home late on week days and does not even come home during weekends. I met with Priest of Pyramid when i visited Egypt during the death of Muammar Gaddafi because we where amongst the UN agent. He saw me and told me all that i am passing through and i was very surprise because that was our first day of meeting. I visited his temple the next day and he did a bless my womb spell and bring my husband back spell for me. When i return to Hungary the next week, my husband warmly welcome me back home and we where united for good. I became pregnant during December and i am happy to inform the general public that i am now a mother to a baby boy. This is the most happy period of my life and i promise to forever tell everyone about Priest of Pyramid because he is a truthful and honest priest. If anyone need his help, you can contact him through templeofpermanethealing@gmail.com and he is going to help you. Erzsébet

by Anonymousreply 15210/07/2012

just tell them right out how bording , dull and superficial they are , that anyone can do what they do and that they will go to any lenght to get attention from male or female and give themselves up sexually for the attention if needed, and how they get the traits from there mother , walk away and never look back. Remember they will want revenge so expect to ignore them on regarler bases at all times. AS YOU GROW THEY WEAVER AWAY.

by Anonymousreply 15311/10/2012

i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost?then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster?so i decided to try it reluctantly..although i didn't believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address prophetsalifu@gmail.com, his spells is for a better life. again his email is prophetsalifu@yahoo.com

by Anonymousreply 15411/12/2012

I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called dr ABULU of( abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost family to me with his great spell, i was married to this man called James we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when i was unable to give he a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then i was now looking for ways to get he back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) then you wont believe this when i contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back and after a month i miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother a baby girl, thank you once again the great ABULU for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems you can contact he today on his mail (abuluspiritualtemple@yahoo.com )and he will also help you as well

by Anonymousreply 15511/22/2012

Hi everyone

This is the story of my life how i got back my lover back in just 2 days i want to testify that priest omigodo brought back my man to me with his powerful spell and the most interesting thing is he is now caring and more faithful to me if you are in any kind of problem please contact priest omigodo via email: templeofsolution@gmail.com or call his personal phone number +2348079367204 for more advice

how i got back my lover

by Anonymousreply 15601/09/2013
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