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Getting older as a gay man

I'm 45 and single now, and I'm beginning to feel too old for younger gay bars for younger and hotter guys; yet But I also feel too young for the local so-called "wrinkle room" in my city where they have a piano player and everything's hushed and conversational. Do they have bars in some cities for middle-aged guys?

by Anonymousreply 13001/25/2013

Great question. What's available in SF???

by Anonymousreply 105/23/2011

You have 2 options OP: become Rich and Famous or become Celibate. Welcome to the other side of gay world.

by Anonymousreply 205/23/2011

Ewwww! Kill it!

by Anonymousreply 405/23/2011

Consider, OP, that you'd be the hottest piece of ass in that wrinkle room. I was in my early twenties when I once met a friend in my local version, and it's the only time in my plain-Jane life that every eye in the bar was glued to me.

by Anonymousreply 705/23/2011

OP, I know this will sound like total tripe, but maybe you should look somewhere besides the bars for a mate. Volunteer, get involved in community or gay business organizations, just do something that doesn't revolve around shallow, 20-something oriented nightlife and you will vastly increase the quality of guys you encounter. Or, take r3 's advice.

by Anonymousreply 805/23/2011

Counting down 'til the "the young guys really dig hot daddy sex" trolls in five, four, three.....

by Anonymousreply 905/23/2011

Have you considered "Carousel", OP?

by Anonymousreply 1005/23/2011

These same vicious little fags making "old queen" jokes will be still hanging out in bars well past their own expiration date. So laff now, cunts, you will get YOURS.

by Anonymousreply 1105/23/2011

"So laff now..."

Disgusting.

by Anonymousreply 1205/23/2011

R12 Please die soon

by Anonymousreply 1305/23/2011

[r10] totally made me burst out laughing! Thank you!

by Anonymousreply 1405/23/2011

I'm with R7. There is a place in Portland called The Eagle (aren't they ALWAYS called "The Eagle?" Where all the daddies and bears hang. I'm 36 and still have all my hair and teeth, I'm thin but not built, and above average looking but not hot. In other words, I'm too old and not hot enough for the main gay bars.

But there, I feel like a princess.

Go dive daddy bars!

by Anonymousreply 1505/23/2011

I am 33 and LOVE men in their mid forties-mid fifties. Just don't get desperate. You will find someone. Own your age. Trust me. Their are MANY of us out there.

by Anonymousreply 1605/23/2011

Stop trying to chase guys younger than you and you'll be just fine.

by Anonymousreply 1705/23/2011

And unlike R15, I am hot. Do great in normal bars. Just prefer men who are older.

by Anonymousreply 1805/23/2011

OP, if you are still looking for guys in BARS, that is pretty sad in and of itself. Quality people, gay OR straight, don't have a bar "lifestyle" nor adhere to that alcoholic culture. It's a BIG WORLD out there in 2011.

Also, IGNORE, REJECT and DISREGARD the entire superficial, vapid and self loathing gay subculture "rulebook." There are attractive gay men of ALL ages. Life doesn't end at 30 or 40 or 50. No, you don't have to be rich and famous. No, you don't have to be "ripped" to find a great guy. Do you think you are the ONLY ONE LIKE YOU on the planet? Please.

If you let the ageists (and the young guys who act all repulsed at older guys are TERRIFIED of aging, themselves) dictate to you ANYTHING to do with your own life or happiness, that is also sad. The only "rules" are the ones you create.

ANY belief system that is based upon putting physical attractiveness at the top of priorities, that worships youth and fears and rejects age, that is brutal and harsh and cruel and toxic and judgemental? WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT? If you box yourself into a SELF IMPOSED belief system that you are "invisible after 40" or whatever the hell belief system that demeans or diminishes your life at ANY point, that is YOUR CHOICE.

Life is a banquet and most poor bastards are starving to death.

by Anonymousreply 2005/23/2011

What's with the new "countdown...five,four,three..." troll? I don't like her.

by Anonymousreply 2105/23/2011

I truly, madly, deeply wanted to believe your post, R20, but then that horrible creature called "Reality" bitch slapped me into coherence. %0D %0D I'm 60. I work out 5 days a week, lifting weights and running. I've never been unemployed (knock wood). I own my home and have money in the bank. Do you honestly think any gay man will bother with me? I don't and I gave up looking years ago. 99% of the guys my age are too busy trying to hook up with guys young enough to be their son (or worse, grandson).

by Anonymousreply 2205/23/2011

r22, Why'd you give up looking? So many guys who would be good for one another say the same thing!

by Anonymousreply 2305/23/2011

Use a condom every time everyone! An ounce of prevention is worth a lifetime of regret!

by Anonymousreply 2405/23/2011

OP darling, you have two options:

1. Get nipple rings, a studded belt, and a black tshirt with a pic of a wolf's face on it to stretch over your bantum rooster chest, then attend your nearest fuck club

2. Move to Palm Springs, become a photographer, and supply us with Deep Sex(c) updates on your latest star-crossed muses.

by Anonymousreply 2505/23/2011

Kevin Spacey and Tom Cruise still get younger guys.

by Anonymousreply 2605/23/2011

"Why'd you give up looking?" %0D %0D "99% of the guys my age are too busy trying to hook up with guys young enough to be their son (or worse, grandson)."%0D

by Anonymousreply 2705/23/2011

Yes. They're called Senior Centers.

by Anonymousreply 2805/23/2011

[quote]Kevin Spacey and Tom Cruise still get younger guys.%0D %0D If by "get" you mean "purchase the services of" then, yeah, they do.

by Anonymousreply 2905/23/2011

r22, your post is revealing. Your question "Do you honestly think any gay man will bother with me" indicates that you go through life giving all your power away. Why are you not asking who YOU WANT TO "bother" with? Who interests YOU? Why are YOU not in control of your OWN love life? The energy you give out (subconcious as well as concious) is picked up by others. And they react accordingly.

If you "gave up" on finding someone then the universe will not prove you wrong. Thoughts are things and we create our own reality, in some ways. You have a victim's mentality and belief system, although I am sure you don't see yourself that way. Reality is subjective. Remember that.

by Anonymousreply 3005/23/2011

I am 51 and most of the guys in MY age range want guys in THEIR age range. The young guys can't find their ass with both hands and older men have very little in common with them. They acknowledge the physical attractiveness but that is all. Mature, educated, professional men who are comfortable in their own skin are not oversexed idiots who even USE the term "hooking up."

by Anonymousreply 3105/23/2011

Boy, there sure are some sad gay men who, whenever you see some of these posts, you realize they have such boxed in, finite, specific views and opinions of the world, of themselves, of what is "real" and what is not. They really DO live lives of "quiet desperation" and fear. Who gave them the kool aid? Why did they drink it? Is it weak-mindedness? Willful ignorance? Laziness? I guess it is easier to live in the pain because it is so familiar? So many men don't know what they don't know. Seems like a lot of guys are not really living but sort of waiting around to die. How pathetic is that?

by Anonymousreply 3205/23/2011

To make it work OP you need self esteem and gravitas. Notice how bear culture gave what would otherwise be over-the-hill fat slobs a sense of belonging and self-esteem? Excellent! Now all you need is the gravitas. Give yourself a hot new moniker that simply growls man-of-consequence. From now on you are Grey Wolf. Next you have to possess something that young people want but don't have. The best thing of course is money. If you don't have money, the next best thing is a huge dick. If you have neither, don't fret. Careful observation has led me to make the discovery of a third asset. You ready? It's piss. Quite simply, attend your nearest sex club Golden Shower/Pigs At The Trough/Gold Rain night, and you'll find any number of cute young things ready to guzzle down your urine however grizzled you are because, since liquid gold has risen in the gay cultural charts faster than real gold, being a giver gives you gravitas and makes you desirable -- however raddled you may be. You have to trust me on this. Ten years ago having HIV might have made you desirable to young bug chasers, but that's pass%C3%A9 now that it's simply become a banal manageable chronic disease, rather than a gothic death trip. So piss it is. And if heavy smoking has screwed your sense of smell, you can even move on to shit. But you may need to move to Europe to be fully appreciated on that score. You're welcome!

by Anonymousreply 3305/23/2011

This is why God invented the Eagle. Seriously, who at 45 wants to go into a bar full of 20 somethings. It's just as stimulating as standing in line for Lady Gaga tickets. You'll hear the same conversations going on in each.

And R31 hits it. We always see an oldster chasing young tail, but the majority of us could not be bothered with something that fragile.

by Anonymousreply 3405/23/2011

r33, LOL! But hey, the self esteem and gravitas part IS true!

by Anonymousreply 3505/23/2011

Last December, I ignited an old flame. It turns out we are now ready for each other in ways we weren't when we were young.

He is 56, I am 57. We met during our 20s.

I thought it was over for me, but now life is wonderful!

Never give up boys!

by Anonymousreply 3605/23/2011

R36, that is great news.

~ Aged 41, with the same man since 1992

by Anonymousreply 3805/23/2011

I second R3, become a hot muscle bear and you'll get lay ALL the time.

by Anonymousreply 3905/23/2011

I Just stopped looking.. and yes, I am older. I have my friends, my interests (theatre and travel) and I am OK with it. I may not have a partner now but I am dealing with it. When I was younger all I wanted was a partner.. well. it didn't happen. Lots of one night stands and affairs. I don't think that I ever wanted to commit. But that has always been a pattern in my life always. Is it perfect? Far from it. Yes, I am alone.But I am fine being who I am and what life has dealt.

by Anonymousreply 4005/23/2011

I never told you that about your collapse and subsequent dying when I should have, R40. I had a bet with the other deities, though, that you wouldn't get up to anything interesting even if you still believed that you were alive.

Looks like I'll be collecting soon!

by Anonymousreply 4105/23/2011

I'm sure I'll get many angry responses, but I'm a 56 year old single man who simply isn't attracted to men my own age. It's hard being alone but I keep looking and trying to find the right man for me (preferably one in his 20s or 30s).

by Anonymousreply 4205/23/2011

"I'm sure I'll get many angry responses, but I'm a 56 year old single man who simply isn't attracted to men my own age. It's hard being alone but I keep looking and trying to find the right man for me (preferably one in his 20s or 30s)."

That's fine. But most men aren't attracted to someone that much older unless you have tons of cash.

by Anonymousreply 4305/23/2011

"I'm sure I'll get many angry responses, but I'm a 56 year old single man who simply isn't attracted to men my own age. "

It may be perfectly reasonable. "The heart wants what the heart wants." Just as long as you are willing to live the possible consequences: eternal singlehood if no youngster wants you.

The pool of eligible gay men for dating/partnering is frighteningly tiny. To limit it further (such as, no one 20 lbs overweight, no one over 35, no receding hairlines, etc,) makes it just that much worse. So good luck to you.

by Anonymousreply 4405/23/2011

r42, there is someone out there for you. That being said, you sound kind of skeevy.

by Anonymousreply 4505/23/2011

I guess R42 plans to keep chasing guys he's attracted to (20s and 30s) even as he ages into his 60s and 70s. Yeah, good luck with that.

by Anonymousreply 4605/24/2011

...lemon party.

by Anonymousreply 4705/24/2011

I'm 48 and I'd date you but my cat would get lonely.

by Anonymousreply 4805/24/2011

Just don't become this guy.

by Anonymousreply 4905/24/2011

47 yr old here. Recently split with my partner of 15 yrs and moved to a new city. At first I was very worried about being 47 and single again but it was great to be by myself and figure out what I wanted to do. I went to one of the local gay bars a few times and although I did meet some nice people I realized that I don't really like bars. I tried manhunt, adam4adam & craigslist as well but it was basically a nightmare. I've gotten involved in my community, participate in a lot of events and have made some great new friends - its lead to some dates and I'm enjoying that.

by Anonymousreply 5005/24/2011

I found myself alone at 50 after the sudden death of my 35 year old partner of 10 years - but I refused to feel "too old" for the scene or the bars or clubs. I ended up back clubbing most weekends and enjoyed it - I wasn't looking for people as such but met a few, and as I got older I began turning into the older type of guy that younger guys like, and yes, I also began to dabble with the leather scene which I enjoyed too. %0D %0D Then suddenly after 7 years of that lifestyle, at age 57 I met someone else and we are now in our 8th year together - we have given up the club scene and I dont miss it at all and am happy with someone who really loves me - so change is possible and can happen at any time. Just don't let yourself think you are too old and keep yourself presentable and interested in current popular culture, but that's something that comes naturally to one or not.

by Anonymousreply 5105/24/2011

r42 makes me realise that there is nothing worse than being the kind of gay who only likes them young - so limiting, and can't be much fun if you are getting older or poorer. What a lonely old age you are going to have ...

by Anonymousreply 5205/24/2011

To each his own but r42 sounds like he has some type of psychopathology that is stunted. They used to call it "arrested development" but that seems too broad a term. Most older men can understand the physical attractiveness of much younger men, can appreciate it, can even perhaps have a fling-a-ding with one but they DON'T have any real interest in pursuing committed romantic relationships with them. It is a slap in the face to the older guy's peers, for one thing. And makes him appear skeevy, predatory and a bit of a cradle robber. Good old gristled, veiny, Tom Bianchi is the patron saint of this type of guy.

Younger guys can be mature for their years but there is no substitute for that many more years on the planet. That twenty or thirty year gap in ages makes it a May/December type of relationship. Cultural differences and pop culture references aside, a 56 year old looking for "love" with a twenty or thirty something says more about the older guy. Peter Pan complex? Stuck in lost youth? Immature? Unable to cope with men his own age? Afraid of aging? Perhaps he yearns to be a teacher, of sorts. Perhaps the younger guy "entertains" and "delights" him with his joie de vivre and youthful energy? Perhaps the older dude just doesn't want to be alone and is willing to PAY for the companionship of a young man. Then you get the SUGAR DADDY thing. Every cup finds its saucer. Younger men out there will certainly let the daddy pick up the tab. There are scads of these types of relationships out there. Very few are based upon "real love" if these guys were questioned at gunpoint. The "arrangement" is really the elephant in the kitchen most of the time, too. People get very defensive when you call them on what they are REALLY up to. And it is really no one else's business, that is true.

by Anonymousreply 5305/24/2011

[quote]I guess [R42] plans to keep chasing guys he's attracted to (20s and 30s) even as he ages into his 60s and 70s. Yeah, good luck with that.%0D %0D Yes, and it's always the fault of the hot guys in their 20s and 30s that they do see R42 for the great catch that he is.%0D %0D Not to be the "you're living on the wrong continent troll," but Europe does seem to have a greater variety of choices of bars and pubs where a 45-year-old can stop in alone without the room stopping dead to gaze in shock at the "geezer." %0D %0D %0D %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 5405/24/2011

EWWW! Kill it!

by Anonymousreply 5505/24/2011

[quote]I'm...not hot enough for the main gay bars.%0D %0D Is there a grading system in the bar system?%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 5605/24/2011

The problem is twofold:%0D %0D We have fewer and fewer gay outlets for all age ranges nowadays because we are more visible and more tolerated...while our 'ascension' into normalcy has not magically created new fabulous opportunities for all age ranges.

by Anonymousreply 5705/24/2011

r57 What?

by Anonymousreply 5805/24/2011

Interesting posts...just trying to figure out why we fear the inevitable? I am 55, soon to be 56 and can't seem to find a man my age to date because they all want younger. Interestingly, I don't look my age and regularly end up with men in their late 20s and early 30s when my preference is the older man....Poppie is an endearing term....but not one I want to embrace...LOL

by Anonymousreply 5905/30/2011

r42, are you looking for a caretaker?

by Anonymousreply 6005/30/2011

r59, can I have $50?

by Anonymousreply 6105/30/2011

I'm no fan of Tom Cruise but will admit he still looks hot enough that he could easily get a younger guy to hook up with him without having to pay for it (and I'm sure that would be the case even if he wasn't a movie star).

Speaking of stars, I'd be willing to bet even a fattie like Alec Baldwin could get a younger guy to give it up to him without money being involved just because he's Alec Baldwin. As someone said earlier in the thread, being rich and famous is always a plus for an older man.

by Anonymousreply 6205/30/2011

What is the matter with you all i,m 54 an i feel young i dress like i am in my 30s nobody cares what i look like as long as i like myself thats all that matters its all about how you feel about yourself, if i want to get on with a young guy i,ll do it ,the fact is i like guys who like me for me an not look at my age its not important so get over it an go with the flow.

by Anonymousreply 6307/03/2011

Dear god, R63, you'd think that sometime in your 54 years you would have picked up some basic knowledge of grammar and sentence structure. Talk about run-on sentences.%0D

by Anonymousreply 6407/03/2011

Grasmmer i,m talking to the person i dont stand hey let put in all the correct p and Qs just to getr my message across%0D

by Anonymousreply 6507/03/2011

... seriously, are you brain damaged? Because at this point I have to conclude you're brain damaged.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 6607/03/2011

I only date guys under 30 and have no problem finding them. My bf is 27. I don't want some crusty old ass in bed. I'm 53 but look 29.

by Anonymousreply 6707/03/2011

"I'm 53 but look 29."

Dear Jesus tell me that was a troll post.

If not, it makes me sad. No, dude. You do not look 29. I run across the "I look like I'm in my late 20's" line frequently, and it mainly comes from men in their 40s and 50s who have lost touch with what 20-somethings actually look like.

I'm 36 and personally love "daddies," but what I'm most attracted to is confidence and honesty. A guy can be hot in his 50s and even 60s, but if he lies about his age or says things like "I look 29" in his personal ad...I keep looking. That is vanity, delusion, and outright desperation talking. And I want none of it.

by Anonymousreply 6807/03/2011

[R67] is why as an older gay man, I don't date. You also should look into cataract surgery. You don't look 29. That's probably your IQ.

by Anonymousreply 6907/03/2011

This thread inspires me to run down to the gay bar and find myself a nice alcoholic boyfeind to settle down with.

by Anonymousreply 7007/03/2011

R71, there are so many things wrong in that one sentence that it's hard to know where to start counting. Jesus Christ man, is English your second langauge, or did you just never ever go to school?%0D %0D You're practically illiterate!%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 7207/03/2011

I love me.

by Anonymousreply 7307/03/2011

R17 Said it best. Accept that you're old and stop trying to chase younger guys. Unless you're rich and/or famous and don't mind younger people using you, give it up and start dating people in your own age group.

by Anonymousreply 7407/03/2011

I can only speak for New York because I live there and indeed there are places where I feel very comfortable as a middle aged guy: G, Gym, Boxers, The Eagle, Ty's and Sip & Twirl in the Pines are just a few places.

by Anonymousreply 7507/03/2011

R9 is right; it's total tripe.

by Anonymousreply 7607/03/2011

Actually, it's not total tripe. Younger guys looking for "daddy" does happen, usually when you're not looking for it. Depends on the older guy I guess.

by Anonymousreply 7707/03/2011

Bug Cock ir big bucks. You need one or the other if you are an older guy looking to hook up with the twinks. That's just life. I thank God u have both.

by Anonymousreply 7807/03/2011

I love being 46. This moment in my history is better than when I was 26 or even 36. I am my own man. I have a good job, great friends, and I enjoy my likes and hobbies. I help in the community. I am a good uncle, a good friend, and a good nephew.%0D %0D I also long for the touch of a man. And I realize that means a a man my age or older. A young man would see me as a latter-day parent. I want an equal- just like I wanted an equal at 20 who was 20.%0D %0D Other cultures love getting old. It is considered an honor. But America- young country that it is- worships the immature, the selfish and the shallow aspects of youth.%0D All my straight friends, who are my age, are dealing with teenagers. It is an ugly civil war. I am glad I have my space. Youth can drive you mad.%0D %0D But someone your own age will still get excited over David Cassidy, remember the "Carol Burnett Show", and like to watch a movie made before 1980.%0D %0D And make you watch your salt intake.

by Anonymousreply 8007/03/2011

46 is one of the lowest points in my life.%0D %0D The only thing that's going well is that I have a stable, well-paying job. It's not fullfulling, and it's sometimes soul-sucking, but at least I'm not living paycheck to paycheck.%0D %0D I have fewer close friends than ever. No love. No affection. Sigh. And no sign it will change any time soon.%0D

by Anonymousreply 8107/03/2011

I'm 54, happy as a clam, have a ton of friends and don't feel compelled to date. I am politically active, culturally active and enjoy a night out at the clubs and bars depending on my mood.

All the bad stuff, the bad relationships, the bad feelings are behind me.

by Anonymousreply 8207/03/2011

[quote]I also long for the touch of a man.

I'm sorry, but that made me LOL.

[quote]I'm 54, happy as a clam, have a ton of friends and don't feel compelled to date.

Considering that you couldn't get a date if you tried, I'd say this is working out quite well for you.

by Anonymousreply 8307/03/2011

Did someone actually type that they "long for the touch of a man?" Oh, my sides. How embarrassing.

by Anonymousreply 8407/03/2011

[quote]Bug Cock ir big bucks. You need one or the other if you are an older guy looking to hook up with the twinks.

I brought my bug cocks to the bar last night. I was the center of attention with all the twinks, who were enchanted with my collection of insect penises.

by Anonymousreply 8507/03/2011

R83, you couldn't sound more like a sour queen if you tried.

by Anonymousreply 8607/03/2011

[quote]I'm no fan of Tom Cruise but will admit he still looks hot enough that he could easily get a younger guy to hook up with him without having to pay for it %0D %0D If you say so. But if you want the same and don't have the genes or personality, you'll need to pay for some work. e.g. you can see Cruise's apparent cheek implants outlined in that news photo from his upcoming movie.

by Anonymousreply 8707/03/2011

I miss Thumper's in Seattle.

by Anonymousreply 8807/03/2011

It's really sad that so many of these bitches think life ends at 40. I mean one can find love at any age so long as one is open to it. Christ almighty you bitches are boring and will change your tunes once out of the head in the ass 20's.

by Anonymousreply 8907/03/2011

Amen, r89. All the ageist twinks are terrified of aging. But they will. Oh, they will. And when they are 40, then 50, then 60? It's not going to be pretty.

by Anonymousreply 9007/03/2011

My nightly creams will keep me young! I'll never get old if I say out of the sun!

by Anonymousreply 9107/03/2011

Partner with a woman, they don't care about age and it can be fun to live with your best friend.

by Anonymousreply 9207/03/2011

Agreed, r89. I found myself single in my late 40s and never found it hard to date. Now one of them was a total loser but after a two years I kicked his ass to the curb. %0D %0D I've been with my partner now for 3 years (I'm 55) but if I found myself single again, I don't think I'd have a problem dating if I wanted to.%0D %0D It's a matter of attitude and confidence. I think the people who are obsessed with age and how young they look have the biggest problem getting out there after a certain age.

by Anonymousreply 9307/03/2011

r92, many of us don't wish to give up and settle. And who the hell could live with a WOMAN? Good lord.

by Anonymousreply 9407/03/2011

Ya chickens. Look at Tom Bianchi... The Grey One's got it going on and he's turning 66 this year!

by Anonymousreply 9507/03/2011

R93, you're speaking from a place of obvious privilege. Arrogance.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 9607/03/2011

Partnering with a woman is better than running around chasing behind men who only want someone half their age. Just be honest there is more to life than chasing men who don't want you.

by Anonymousreply 9707/03/2011

There is also WAAAYYYY more to life than partnering up with a woman. And a hell of a lot more in between the two extremes that r97 mentions. It's not an either/or proposition.

by Anonymousreply 9807/03/2011

When you are old, as I am, you should just focus on friendships. If romance pops up, great. But it is very undignified to see an older person behaving like a 25 year old, trying to get into guys' pants. %0D %0D Can you see your dad behaving like a 25-year old? It's ridiculous and sad. Just love life and probably love will come without your having to act the fool trying to make it happen.

by Anonymousreply 9907/03/2011

I'm doing all right now that I live in an area where most people my age are single. Back when I was living out west I couldn't help but to panic as soon as I hit 30.

by Anonymousreply 10007/03/2011

It's well known, at least in San Francisco, that the gay community is not very kind to its elderly.

by Anonymousreply 10107/03/2011

i always enjoy the agist Nazis on DL who seem to go through their youths without any sense that it's over very quickly and that life goes on, and for a great many of us, goes on very happily.

by Anonymousreply 10207/04/2011

How so, r96? Are you implying I have a lot of money? Hardly. I drive a 10 yeer old car and have a small condo with a mortgage. %0D %0D Also lost my good paying job and am underemployed.

by Anonymousreply 10307/04/2011

Some of you older folks seem pretty stuck up yourselves.

by Anonymousreply 10407/04/2011

R103, you're completely oblivious.%0D %0D "Privilege" doesn't necessarily mean money, dumbass.%0D %0D You have a life rich in friends. You have your health. You're outgoing. You don't suffer from depression. You're physically attractive enough, and have enough confidence.%0D %0D You take all this shit for granted, and then shit all over people who don't have your gifts. That's being cluelessly arrogant and ignorant of your own level of Privilege. Just like libertarians... %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 10507/05/2011

[quote]You have a life rich in friends. You have your health. You're outgoing. You don't suffer from depression. You're physically attractive enough, and have enough confidence.%0D %0D Yes, I have a few real friends and lots of friendly acquaintances. I have my health and I am outgoing. I'm reasonably attractive but hardly great-looking. I could stand to lose 20 lbs btw. I am lucky in many ways.%0D %0D I have suffered from depression in the past and took anti-depressants for years. I stopped them around 5 years ago and am doing well without them.%0D %0D My point is that this thread is about "Getting older as a gay man". Turning 30, 40 or 50 is not the end of the world. I'm sure I would feel differently if I had some debilitating illness, grossly overweight or something. But that's not what people are talking about on this thread. It's fear of ageing, especially in a culture that often seems obsessed with youth.%0D %0D Sometimes it's a conscious decision be happy. %0D %0D I'm not oblivious and hardly a Libertarian. Exactly who did I "shit on". I expressed the view that people obsessed with age sometimes have the hardest time getting out there. %0D %0D I think you're the one being rude.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 10607/05/2011

"But I also feel too young for the local so-called 'wrinkle room' in my city where they have a piano player and everything's hushed and conversational."

Why does a bar or lounge where you can actually have a conversation with someone have to be associated with "old" people? Are younger gay men too stupid to have conversations with each other? Is that the reason for ear-splittlingly loud music in those clubs?

by Anonymousreply 10707/05/2011

My dad is 48, and is totally nonchalant about his age. He doesn't dye his hair or dress like a 22-year old - he completely owns the fact that he's middle-aged. More gay guys should be like that. He's pretty awesome.

by Anonymousreply 10807/05/2011

I'd rather be a Non-Poz version of Tom Bianchi when I get to be THAT old.

by Anonymousreply 10907/05/2011

Victims are so exhausting to deal with. I have found that it IS better to hang (throughout life) with the popular, pretty people. The stars. The truly blessed. Stick with one's own kind. Water seeks its own level. Get toxic people out of your life. Be compassionate and give to charities. Help others. Be kind to unattractive or sick people or those who are not AS fortunate as you are. Many people have problems that seem to have blindsided them and are not of their doing. Help them if you can. But you can't help anyone else until you "take care of matters at home" first. If you are not good to yourself, you are no good for others.

And if you are going to trash people (which we all do), for heaven's sake, do it behind their BACKS like any self respecting gay man would do. Kindness is the rule. At least face to face. Life after high school eventually reverts BACK to that. We all want to hang with those we can relate to. Poor, homely, low self esteem gay men are bad enough when they are young. But AGING or OLD gay men like that? No fucking way. We all can have some down periods and some depressions but, overall, if you don't think you are FABULOUS, the world certainly won't prove you wrong. And if you are not fabulous and fun and charismatic (at ALL ages), who the hell wants to hang out with you or fuck you? Other losers, that's who. We draw people into our lives based upon the energy WE put out. You can work miracles by sheer force of will, sometimes!

A lot of old gay men have simply made poor life choices based upon their low self esteem. One can be young and poor but not old and poor. It simply isn't done. If all you can control is your attitude, then why not choose a good one?

by Anonymousreply 11007/05/2011

Own it. Just because you're 45 doesn't mean you're dead and buried. Smile, relax, be real and confident. With confidence comes attractiveness and I'm sure you'll then find plenty of guys who want to be with you :)

And on a funny side note, if that fails take solice that there will always be new guys coming along who have daddy issues just waiting for you, haha.

by Anonymousreply 11107/05/2011

Some gay men have truckload-sized issues around aging/mortality.

One of my friends has been unhappy for a decade-plus about his single status - but try introducing him to someone his own age (now 53) and his own level of attractiveness. He recoils. Ewww! He pines instead for the hot/cute/handsome ones who are younger. And this is the way he'll grow older and die.

I find it depressing to be around him. I'm partnered with a same-age partner, I'm happy for the most part, and I get tired of listening to this friend's complaints.

by Anonymousreply 11207/05/2011

I think its all about taking care of your mind, body and self. And being confident in who you are. I've had way more sex in my 30's than I had in my 20's. I have no reason to think my sex life in my 40's won't be even better. Sure I don't attract too many early twenties twinks anymore but who wants them anyway? They're often very unexperienced sexually and havn't begun to live enough to be interesting. I've hooked up with hot guys that I was too scared to approach in my twenties simply because I had the guts to actually speak to them. Confidence is key. I have a career, good income, and lots of interests. Men of quality are attracted to stability and having it together more than anything else.

by Anonymousreply 11307/05/2011

[quote]One of my friends has been unhappy for a decade-plus about his single status - but try introducing him to someone his own age (now 53) and his own level of attractiveness. He recoils. Ewww! He pines instead for the hot/cute/handsome ones who are younger. And this is the way he'll grow older and die. %0D %0D My partner and I had a friend with the same attitude. He was hot when he was younger but drugs and HIV took it's toll. However, he was still decent looking at 48 when we met him. We tried introducing him to others of his age and attractiveness got the same response as r112. We finally talked him into seeing a therepist and he began to make progress.%0D %0D And then he died. Seriously. He was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and died 3 months later. Never had a real relationship with anyone. So fucking sad.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 11407/05/2011

Gay men sour after 35. It's a sad, lonely life

by Anonymousreply 11507/05/2011

I'm old, fat & happy. %0D %0D In fact I am SO much happier than when I was young, fit, trim & dating. Being old & fat has liberated me to think less about myself and more about others... and that's the recipe for happiness.

by Anonymousreply 11607/05/2011

r116, more power to you!

by Anonymousreply 11707/05/2011

Quite frankly its just nasty hearing about all this old shit.%0D %0D U old bitchs had your days now stay home no one wants yto see your old scragg asses in the club learing at us.%0D %0D Old guys gross me out the way thei stare at me like i am some steak for thie appetitie.%0D %0D Thers gotto be clubs for old people and please go theere cuz your ruining my buzz.

by Anonymousreply 11807/06/2011

Well...I'm nearly 65 (Next month) and I am happy with both my relationship with a 28 year old and my life. I wouldn't trade 65 for 45 again because I was going balls-to-the-walls career wise at that age. Now I've slowed down and am enjoying life with my young BF. Having a young boyfriend has done wonders for my libido...in fact he's asleep in the next room after I wore him out sexualy then I finished mowing my lawn and I'm horny again. Think I'll wake him up!

by Anonymousreply 11907/06/2011

How odd to see a thread about what's hip at the clubs when clubs haven't been hip for a decade now.

by Anonymousreply 12007/06/2011

r118, you are either drunk, high, an ignorant moron or a combo platter. You can't spell worth a shit. You are a walking ad for legalized abortion. "thei?" "appetitie?" "theere?" "learing?"

Please.Die.In.A.Grease.Fire.

Your post had to be a joke post.

by Anonymousreply 12107/06/2011

R121, darling. You must be new here. Tis a regular joke here to post as a clueless self-absorbed twink. I'm surprised it took 120 replies to get there.

by Anonymousreply 12207/06/2011

He came in my room last night while I was asleep and ate my pussy. Today I feel weird about it you know? Is that rape?

by Anonymousreply 12307/06/2011

Is THAT rape?

by Anonymousreply 12407/06/2011

Hey, I am in my very late 50's. I have had no problem finding younger guys. It really has to do with your personality. I do stay in shape and always have. Just be nice and see where it goes.

by Anonymousreply 12501/16/2013

R33 - Hilarious! Priceless!

Other than that, I'll pass. ;-)) -

by Anonymousreply 12601/16/2013

Amen, r31. I'm 51, new to the "single community," and never imagined the fun connections I've had with guys close to my age and older.

Mostly been through online sites, volunteering, and gay activity groups. I can drink like a fish, but the bar scene still almost intimidates me as much as it did in my 20's.

Have been dipping my feet at The Edge bar in the Castro where I am far from invisible. It's been a great ego boost, but as a wisened eldergay, I'm too much of a skeptic now to hook-up with someone when both (or more...) are under the influence of alcohol, Mary Poppins video sing-a-longs, and dark lighting.

by Anonymousreply 12701/16/2013

R22, there are guys out there that aren't worried about the age. I'm 46 and dating a 61 year old. He's pretty amazing, and it's the best sex I've ever had.

by Anonymousreply 12801/16/2013

Gettin older as gay man for me is a revelation to be honest. I no longer find 18 to 25 yar olds attractive cos we have nothing in common whatsoever. Most 18 to 25 year olds are scared to be around older men because they fear th fact that before they know it its going to be their turn to get older and they are the ones that will be getting the rude arrogant comments from younger men than they. It's a fact of life I guess. It's the youthful idea that the generation above them have had their day so fuck off and leave the clubs etc to us young ones cos we dont want to see mature men or daddies. I have yet to come across a young male who feels totally comfortable and wants to last with a much older gay man, unless theres money involved or a visa to be had. This opinion will no doubt outrage the young guys but hey do I look like I give a shit what some lil twink thinks lol? After all I'm all about maturity now and at 41 I arn't arsed about the bithy comments thrown around by petulant little wannabe's lol

by Anonymousreply 12901/25/2013

OP simply sounds as if he's not ready to accept middle age and move on from his party life...it's far from the end of the world. It's all about change and adaptation...

by Anonymousreply 13001/25/2013
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