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I Was Asked To Leave the Fancy Joann Fabrics

It was during a free sewing class. The 'instructor' was the same thyroidy-eyed bitch who always screws up my fabric cuts.

I was 'sewing too fast to control the stitches' and one thing led to another and I asked the woman if she would just fuck off. I don't think she'd ever heard that word before.

She asked me to leave. The five other students looked at me like I was a psychopath.

I should have knocked over some bolts of fabric on my way out.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 12608/18/2013

Maybe if you sent her an 'I'm Sewy' apology cookie?%0D I hear you can order them online for just $49.95. Stay strong.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 205/18/2011

There has to be some way to incorporate into this thread the frau who asked for her son's friends' underwear to make a quilt out of them.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 305/18/2011

Don't you worry, OP. May 21 is almost upon us and whatever that bitch wasted her time sewing will be left behind with all of the other clothing.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 405/18/2011

This is the most fun I've had in weeks!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 505/18/2011

OP is Hardcore!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 705/18/2011

Can someone make R5 shut up please?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 805/18/2011

You mean the pedi-quilt R3?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 905/18/2011

You're a stitch, OP.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1005/18/2011

Just apologize and tell her you were having a bad Fibromyalgia day. She'll understand.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1105/18/2011

What r2 said.%0D %0D And don't hem and haw about it.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1205/18/2011

OP, here. It was a two hour class and we spent the first half hour going over the mechanics of the sewing machine. Fine. I was bored by the time we finally started on our place mats.

First, she asked me if I had forgotten my reading glasses because of the way I was seated with my head held back away from the machine. I don't even own reading glasses.

Some time went by and then she asked me why I was making faces while sewing. I didn't want to mention Selina Kyle in Batman, so I just said it was difficult keeping the stitch straight. Wrong excuse.

She clicked her tongue and told me I was sewing too fast. She asked me to get up and she went through the entire process on my assigned machine- from shutting off with needle down to starting with a backstitch to lock. I thanked her and asked if I could continue on MY project.

She circled the other students without saying a fucking word to any of them and came straight back to me - repeating that I needed to 'Slooowww dowwnnn'.

That's when I asked her to fuck off.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1305/18/2011

This is a GREAT premise for a thread, OP, but in the future I would love it if you worked more on the "E" part of your EST... throw in more details meant to add "realism"

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1405/18/2011

Thanks for the laugh OP.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1505/18/2011

R2 = Kathy and Cathy

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1605/18/2011

I don't know, R14, I think this thread could have used a bit more "S".

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1705/18/2011

I am cracking up laughing, OP.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1805/18/2011

OP be glad you didn't have George to smack you around:

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 1905/18/2011

Any hot guys in your class, OP?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2005/18/2011

I love this OP almost as I much as the one whose daughter got kicked in the vagina bone by Stevie Nicks.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2105/18/2011

I don't think you understand how fucked I am. This Joann is in the nice suburb where the sales bolts have a lot of fabric left on them and are neatly displayed.

My local Joann's doesn't even offer classes and most of the fabric bolts are covered in shoe prints or hair.

I really wanted puddly drapes. In linen or velvet.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2205/18/2011

You have my symps, dear OP. I was 86'd by some craftsfrau down at the Beadazzled for telling her to "eat shit and die".

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2305/18/2011

I was about to exclaim something about PUDDLY DRAPES but an ambulance just pulled up across the street.

Uh oh.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2405/18/2011

Has anyone ever been thrown out of a book club?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2505/18/2011

The same thing happened to me OP. I found out where that bitch lived and threw a brick through her window.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2605/18/2011

R20, all women.

R26, I wouldn't go that far, but I caught myself fantasizing on the drive home. I'd buy a whole bolt of the $46 a yard fabric and ask for a different clerk who doesn't fuck up the cut like buggy-eyed Shari.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2705/18/2011

OK, EST or not, I can't believe we're over 25 replies in, and not one:

MAAAARRRYYY!!!!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2805/18/2011

OP, is your name Michael? I swear, my friend Michael texted me the other day, saying he was thrown out of a sewing class.

Michael is effeminate, by the way.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 2905/18/2011

Why don't you take a sack full of bobbins and thunk her right over the head OP! How DARE she.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3005/18/2011

You need so swallow your pride and make do at your local Joans. %0D %0D You make those puddy drapes, make them velvety and luscious.%0D %0D Then don them like a long flowing cape and swoosh into that haughty Joans ala Julia Roberts in 'pretty woman.' You go and you show her, you show her you don't need her and her fancy fabrics. %0D %0D Stay strong.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3205/18/2011

Hey guys. Let's all grab a shot of whiskey and a brew, and get to our sewing.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3305/18/2011

Never mind, OP, the rapture is sure to get the sewing teacher anyways.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3405/18/2011

I sympathize with OP. Today, walking out of Bed Bath & Beyond, I heard a girl ask her mother "how do you spell sure-not like the seashore but the other one". I think it's the places we hang out.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3605/18/2011

So I says to Mabel, I says...

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3705/18/2011

OP, you need to go back and apologize by telling the instructor that the outburst was preceded by your having smoked copious amounts of pot, silly!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3805/19/2011

I heartily approve of r32's idea of wearing the finished drapes back to the fancy Joann's to really stick it to that bitch.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 3905/19/2011

Damn! I TOLD Mr. Jarvis we needed speed governors on the training machines!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4005/19/2011

them teachers at joanne is such stuck up bitches. you are better off learning to sew by yourself, OP- without the buckets of attitude.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4105/19/2011

Thank you OP for the laugh!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4205/19/2011

This can't be real.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4305/19/2011

You certainly are fucked OP.

Those custom caftans won't sew themselves.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4405/19/2011

I had a similar experience, OP. Don't let it bother you.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4505/19/2011

In the eighth grade I was forced to take one half-semester of sewing. I was hopeless. My teacher dubbed me King of the Seam Ripper. There was only one seam ripper in the classroom, hers, and I had to borrow it constantly. I ended up bringing in one of my mother's from home.

My final project, a flimsy duffel bag, looked like the handiwork of a mentally disabled person.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4605/19/2011

Good one. Webbie should save it.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4705/19/2011

R3 ... link?

OP Puddly drapes are so 10 years ago. Save yourself the heartache and buy some books instead. And buy some chairs so you have a place to store the books.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4805/19/2011

OP move on to Buttons 'n' Bolts on Route 1.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 4905/19/2011

Girl, just but the fabric and some iron-on seaming. Voila! Curtains that puddle.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5005/19/2011

this.never.happened

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5105/19/2011

Well of course it never happened, idiot at R51. That is why it is perfect for DL.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5205/19/2011

OP = The Stitchuation.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5305/19/2011

I love this sew much!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5405/19/2011

someone needs to stitch you a pillow that says "self-sabotage" on it, OP.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5505/19/2011

Bias cunt!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5605/19/2011

Is this the hobby you took up to get your mind off your neighbor's high spite fence?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5705/19/2011

The lack of witty replies makes me sad for DL. Very sad.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5805/19/2011

at the link: all you ever wanted to know about puddly drapes

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 5905/19/2011

Isn't there a Beverly's near you, OP? She & Joanne despise each other, so you should transfer your business & let them both know about it.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6005/19/2011

OP, I am sewing some puddly beef curtains for my friend, Bai. What kind of thread do you recommend?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6105/19/2011

Besides puddles leave stains on hardwood floors

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6205/19/2011

I sense a pattern here.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6305/19/2011

W&W for R63!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6405/19/2011

I think this will become a classic DL thread.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6505/19/2011

I doubt very much that they'd ban you from the store. In this economic climate they need every customer they can get. If you have to deal with someone who was involved in the incident, just apologize nicely and that should be enough.%0D %0D I suggest that when you're using the sewing machine you unclench and concentrate on whether or not the stitches the machine is making are the right size and are going in the right direction, and keeping a firm hold on the fabric while keeping your fingers out of the way. That's how you find the right speed.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6605/19/2011

I'd suggest sewing a voodoo doll, but if you can't make a placemat....

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6705/19/2011

Electric Singer Thread%0D %0D Enthusiastic Simplicity Thread

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6805/19/2011

Easy Sewing Tips for all.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 6905/19/2011

You have a lot of nerve back talking the sewing instructor, OP. You sound like a sassy bitch.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7005/19/2011

I picture OP as a John Waters confabulation.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7105/19/2011

Sew what if this thread is an EST.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7205/19/2011

r63 made me do a spit take.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7305/19/2011

[quote]most of the fabric bolts are covered in shoe prints or hair.%0D %0D good GAWD!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7405/19/2011

74 posts and no one asked for pics???

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7505/19/2011

Do you mean puddly drapes like the @ 3:44 of this video, OP?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7605/19/2011

It seams as though your feathers were ruffled OP.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7705/19/2011

OK, the dramatic scene I was re-enacting comes in @ 3:17 of the following youtube video.

Like I said, it was a free class that had gone on too long and I was bored.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7805/19/2011

I'm beginning to think that this story is fabricated.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 7905/19/2011

Yes, R79, it's a elaborately woven tale stitched together for our amusement.

I don't cotton to such things myself.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8005/19/2011

I don't have the placemat because it belonged to the store.

Here's pillow covers that I made without JoAnn's help - aside from the $12 per yard fabric marked down to $6.

The square pillow is fucked because I was out of zipper kit and I didn't feel like hand stitching. I squeezed the pillow so I could run the last hem through the machine.

The rectangle pillow covers are zippered, but one side of the paisley is upside down because I couldn't decide which direction I liked best. I decided I wanted flowers up and paisley down.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8105/19/2011

Some of the responses have me in stitches.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8205/19/2011

Do you have a dog OP?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8305/19/2011

Yes, R83, and painted paneling.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8405/19/2011

The OP has Asperger's like Rumpy, so this is the other Asperger's $18 payer.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8505/19/2011

Oh I don't know R80.

I like a good yarn, myself.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8605/19/2011

The Walgreen's cashier was eyeing my basket the other day. WTF? Then I realied she was thyroidy-eyed.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8705/19/2011

OP and those throw pillows will soon be making an appearance here: %0D

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8805/19/2011

Ohhhh!

Plaid and paisley paired!

Well played, OP!

Well played, indeed.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 8905/19/2011

Suck it, R89. The raspberry of the paisley matches the raspberry of the plaid and I like the depression yellow as well as the minty green.

Plus, the dog and relatives can wallow on it and I can throw everything in the wash.

And I don't have to pay Pottery Barn $49 per pillow cover for shit zippers.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9005/19/2011

[quote]May 21 is almost upon us and whatever that bitch wasted her time sewing will be left behind with all of the other clothing.%0D %0D %0D All the other clothing? WTF are you saying? We can't bring extra clothes or we all have to go naked? I've got three damn suitcases packed and ready to go. I don't intend to leave them behind. Besides, my big suitcase has stuff I really need like the laptop and my solar radio.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9105/19/2011

Agree with R89. I didn't want to rayon on OP's parade but that picture hurt my eyelets.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9205/19/2011

What gave you guys the notion this was an EST?%0D %0D %0D %0D OP: You should've put your foot down and stayed.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9305/19/2011

Paisley has an up or down? Who knew?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9405/19/2011

I love R80

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9505/19/2011

This would not happened if Joann was using a Bernina.

Easy.

Simple.

Timeless.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9605/20/2011

Bernina's $8,000 sewing machines are still made in Switzerland. There are no sewing machines made in the USA or Europe anymore, just the $8k Bernina's.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9705/20/2011

Oh sorry, my mistake, Bernina's made in Switzerland are $12,000 USD

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9805/20/2011

What's up with the lamp right above a couch?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 9905/20/2011

ww r79

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10005/20/2011

You're not on the fringe, OP, people here are flocking to your support. I would have felt the same way if I had been fleeced like that.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10105/20/2011

At the risk of adding tension to a thread that's already fraying, I'll add my final point on this elaborately embroidered story.

OP needs to realize that he and the instructor are just not cut from the same cloth. Rather than continuing to needle her, he needs to admit that he came apart at the seams and patch things up.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10205/20/2011

Op gets the role.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10305/20/2011

R102 wins.%0D %0D

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10405/20/2011

R25, I wasn't kicked out of a book club, but someone else was kicked out of a group I was in. She was a huge beyotch, very opinionated and wouldn't let anyone else talk. We told her the group disbanded, but we continued to meet in secret.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10505/20/2011

Another George Trippon clip, just because.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10605/20/2011

Whoops!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10705/20/2011

R105, that has nothing to do with the vicious haterape the OP endured, in the name of fashion!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10805/20/2011

Or puddly-drape rape, as it were.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 10905/20/2011

Oh, hell, OP, your bad juju has jumped on me

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11005/20/2011

OP, if you ever want to get together and watch an "Are You Being Served?" marathon, I'm your man.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11105/20/2011

...

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11205/20/2011

[quote]I'm your man%0D %0D Huh? I thought Bengali was a lesbiterian.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11305/21/2011

10/10. What a cut-up! Shear delight!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11405/21/2011

Interesting thread

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11505/23/2011

Search function worked.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11606/10/2011

I think you overplaid your hand, OP. Go back to the next free class (you have every right if you're a regular Fancy Joann customer) and if this Shari person gets all up in your grill again, tell her very quietly to move it along toots, because her breath smells like she ate a Butterfinger from a nasty whore's snatch.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11706/10/2011

I knew Sandro was a DLer.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11808/18/2013

Who or what is "Sandro"?

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 11908/18/2013

we learn so much in home economics!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 12008/18/2013

"As ye sew, so shall ye rip." I'd go back to her next class as if nothing had happened. She'll be on pins and needles, waiting for your next hysterical outburst.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 12108/18/2013

I'm sure the OP and R2 left DL a long time ago never to return, but...if you're out there, please come back! We need you!

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 12308/18/2013

You cannot even sew. I DO NOT know how you were even allowed to join the class. Now, I'm going to be quiet now--don't even look at me.

You have thrown me off my game and are a no-talent dried out bitch. I with you would just die,OP.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 12408/18/2013

I'd love to go to a Joann Fabrics workshop just to people watch. Jealous, OP.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 12508/18/2013

I guess that's one sewing circle that's sharpening their needles as we speak.

by Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!reply 12608/18/2013
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