r5 is correct.
AA is a cult, but a benevolent one. It really depends where your dating partner is in his recovery. People who are still attending AA meetings after 10 years are to be suspected of something else.
There is a lot of nonsense said out here. Many people are work or porn addicts, relationship averse or not remotely in touch with themselves. There is no such thing as avoiding death by avoiding life. Getting high is part of youth for man. For some it takes longer. The gay "culture" does nothing but promote partying. Of course the inability to control that is a deeper issue.
I had a big coke problem that was not cured by rehab or AA, but is over now for many years. The dirty truth about these things, is that the majority of people just eventually stop on their own, or in jail or death. Mostly on their own, with some hard times and some help along the way. AA is pretty hard to embrace for non sheep.
AA states it is either the gutter or the grave. It is psychologically behind the curve, and most people do not get or stay sober from twelve step progams. Cult or religion, call it what you like. The fellowship part helps many, but it is a pretty incestuous and competitive form of attention. Yes there is support. It is extremely intrusive.
A good therapist and some AA meetings, plus being honest with other people is as good as anything. The question to drink or not around someone is kind of old school, like a spouse hiding the bottles. I think you should ask this guy what he thinks. Regardless you are not responsible for any lapses, nor should you run away if all else looks good between you. Ask him what he does when in full on addict mode. He can certainly be as truthful with you as his AA friends, though it is part of the anonymous cult to think otherwise.
There are a lot of old guys out here who put up with less than perfect partners and their bias shows. I will never do cocaine again but drink when I want, some times too much. Their is no place for that in AA speak, except for denial. My bf and I smoke weed, drink wine, have got drunk with friends and so what if we have an argument. It can happen. I don't go near coke, he does not do Ecstacy anymore and we both are friends of people who do this and more. My nephew is on heroine. I really do try to help, in straight talk and understanding. But I don't preach AA.
I kind of think that drugs have got a bad name for themselves. I won't recommend them, but to condemn or label them as a personal weakness over which one is powerless is for the weak minded. There is a time and a season. Most outgrow the addiction, and the rigid thinking about it.
If you don't want any part of it, then let him know.
There is entirely too much group speak in the world, in my opinion. Ask HIM, observe, and find out what he expects from you. Decide, or wait and see. Life is sweet and we can always change. If not, then no group or lover can help.