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Did you lose any friends when you came out?

Not casual acquaintances but, actual good friends whom you were close with.

by Anonymousreply 3712/02/2012

No, but I lost a couple acquaintances after they asked me what "my type" was, and my answer was a little too close a match to how they saw themselves.

Thankfully, my close friends (some of whom "knew" before I told them) were all cool with it. It was like a total non-issue for them.

by Anonymousreply 104/06/2011

"actual good friends"

Darling, you're on DL. Most posters can't even conceive the concept.

by Anonymousreply 204/06/2011

Just my mom and my older brother. Does that count? It's been 30 years, maybe they'll come around yet.

by Anonymousreply 304/06/2011


by Anonymousreply 404/06/2011

Yes. Morons.

by Anonymousreply 504/06/2011

I'm pretty sure I came out a lot during blackouts.

It was my drunky dialing that lost all of my friends.

by Anonymousreply 604/06/2011


by Anonymousreply 704/06/2011

Kind of a long story...sorry.%0D %0D No but a redneck friend (who had been a co-worker and later very good friend for a couple of years at that time)got up and marched out of my apartment after his girlfriend told him I was gay during a party - we were all 18-20 yrs old. He was a very sweet, very beautiful, very caring guy who just happened to like to hunt, chew tobacco, and work on old trucks and jeeps. %0D %0D I thought he was angry and wouldn't talk to me anymore. He came back later after the party was over and apologized and said that he was just really hurt that I hadn't told him sooner. The reason he left was because he was worried that he might cry in front of everyone. We spent the rest of the night talking and became even better friends. %0D He admitted that he had had some gay experiences and thought he might be bisexual. I should have known - he took me to Rocky Horror Picture Show my very first time....duh?%0D %0D Nothing ever happened between us because he loved his girlfriend and I loved my boyfriend at the time. (The Bastard!) %0D %0D We're still friends. He married the girl and now 25 years later she treats him horribly. She's really just verbally abusive to him. He doesn't chew anymore and he's still beautiful, still caring, still kind, and still likes to hunt and work on old trucks and she hates him because he's "boring". %0D %0D He still loves her (did I mention he's very loyal) if he'd give me the nod and divorce the stupid cow, I'd marry his ass in a second.

by Anonymousreply 804/06/2011


by Anonymousreply 904/06/2011

Damn R8 that is intense. For me, honestly know. I almost feel bad but my friends were majority straight guys who I had known for years and they were all incredibly cool about. They give me shit but only in a joking way.

by Anonymousreply 1004/06/2011

Well, I got kicked out of my fraternity and my "brothers" wouldn't talk to me if we ran into each other in a social situation.

20 years later, I Facebook-friend one guy in the frat who was an actual friend and the assholes come out of the woodwork wanting to be my friend.

I did friend a few of them, so now I get several daily Bible verses.

by Anonymousreply 1104/06/2011

No...not really any but a couple of bar room buddies that were leeches anyway (I used to go to Tit Bars and Strip Joints trying to make myself Hetero; didn't work). Actually, the real friends (Including my dear sweet Brother) it made us draw closer. Weird that after being out for 40 years...I would ever consider being closeted. I am a gay man...end of story.

by Anonymousreply 1204/06/2011

Yeah I did. Family too. I love hearing these stories though. I live vicariously through them.

by Anonymousreply 1304/07/2011


by Anonymousreply 1404/07/2011

[R11] - Sorry to hear how your fraternity reacted. I'm out with my fraternity and they have been nothing but supportive over the years. When my partner was diagnosed with cancer several years ago, they were the first ones to step up and ask what they could do to help. It is such a non-issue with these guys; it still just floors me sometimes.

by Anonymousreply 1504/07/2011

May, 1969, Salt Lake City, Utah

I was 19 years old. Everyone of my closest friends from high school stopped talking to me. I was totally shunned.

I escaped from behind the Zion Curtain and moved to Boston immediately after finishing college in 1972.

by Anonymousreply 1604/07/2011

r8 wow. Have you told him that or dropped any hints?

by Anonymousreply 1704/07/2011

When I was a lesbian in the abstract, it was fine. When I actually had a relationship, I could tell some of my friends were uncomfortable.

by Anonymousreply 1804/07/2011

Some of my relatives (I have a huge family) have been really pissy with me in the years since. The ones that really loved me before I came out love and support me today.%0D %0D My friends just they were glad I had finally figured it out since they knew I was gay all along.%0D %0D My best friend told me I was still a dumbass-fuckwad, so I was happy to know nothing had changed.

by Anonymousreply 1904/07/2011

"Just my mom and my older brother. Does that count? It's been 30 years, maybe they'll come around yet."%0D %0D Doesn't seem likely after such a long time, but you're well rid of them (harsh as that may sound).%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 2004/07/2011

No, but I drove several away because of my self-loathing.

by Anonymousreply 2104/07/2011

Not a one. I don't know why I was so worried about it. As a previous poster commented - coming out with the truth just made all my relationships better

by Anonymousreply 2204/07/2011

My new world was rife with sex encounters, so the straight people in my previous life took an understandable back seat. After a few fevered years of gettin' it on, I touched base with the friends from the closet but sadly many had moved on.

by Anonymousreply 2304/07/2011

I summoned all the courage I could muster to reveal myself to my gathered circle of friends. Strangely, everyone of my friends followed, painfully coming out of the closet in their own way as gay in the assembled group.

by Anonymousreply 2404/07/2011

Oh I think he knows R17, but he's got kids with his wife who are still in school(and who are the center of his world) and she doesn't work (never has) so he's the only support for the family and while he makes decent money (he works for a public utility) it's probably not enough to support 2 households. I've been with other people off and on over the years but my mind always seems to come back to him. Like I said we're still pretty good friends but I've never really outwardly told him how I feel about him. I don't want to be a cause of conflict for him. He's not happy in his relationship but feels obligated to stay at least until the kids are grown. He's jokingly talked about giving up women completely and moving in with me when he does leave her. %0D %0D So I don't know. Meanwhile my life isn't miserable and I'm not suffering because of my feelings. It's actually source of goodness in my life. I'm glad he's a friend now and if someday he can become something more I think we could be good together. Time will tell. %0D %0D Meanwhile it's all good.

by Anonymousreply 2504/07/2011

Hell yes.

1 x quick and hostile other took 3 painful long years, until I couldn't handle the BS anymore and walked away.

by Anonymousreply 2604/07/2011

[quote]He's jokingly talked about giving up women completely and moving in with me when he does leave her.

What do you say in reply when he says that? How old is his youngest kid?

by Anonymousreply 2704/08/2011

BUMP for interest in r8 a year later.

by Anonymousreply 2812/01/2012

Yes. Even ones who had flirted with me. Weird, huh? Even big liberals or "libertarians." I went to Harvard where people are supposed to be bright and open-minded, but not only were they not bright or open-minded back then, but the same assholes, while claiming to be enlightened today, still won't talk to me. Unbelievable pricks. It's like they think I won some competition that they can never forgive me for. They are mean mental and moral parasites.

by Anonymousreply 2912/01/2012

Heck,YES, both friends and family. But, those people weren't really friends or family!!! It ended the BS.

My father, a cruel, abusive (understatement),hateful man who never liked me or my mother never spoke to me again. Finally, his using and abusing ended.

by Anonymousreply 3012/01/2012

I find anyone that loses a friend when he comes out, is just looking for self pity.

It was probably an excuse to dump your friendship anyway.

Look 99.9% of gay men you can tell. I have never not known any gay men. You can't hide it.

Gay men with their lisping talk and effiminate walks and their hysterics are easy to spot.

And yes, all gay males have it. They may think they don't but they're just hiding behind their gayface, which is also obvious to everyone but you.

by Anonymousreply 3112/02/2012

Reality says different R31. Back in the 90s, there were so many gay kids being kicked out of their homes when they came out to their parents that they constituted a giant measurable percent of all the homeless people in the nation.

by Anonymousreply 3212/02/2012

I count myself lucky that I only lost one really close friend when I came out to her. She was one of my two best friends from high school. I grew up in Salt Lake City too, but fled the state for college. She wasn't even Mormon, she was an uptight Catholic.

I had come back on a trip while I was in college with my girlfriend--this was in the late 1970s. She never really said anything bad to me, but she actually took my girlfriend aside and said I was a bad influence, and offered to stay friends with her if she left me! I guess the fact I slept with boys in high school set me on the road to being a bad person. I really wasn't too surprised, or in the end even that upset because I never felt she was that accepting of me even when she thought I was straight. It was easy to cut my ties as I wanted nothing to do with Utah, especially after my family moved away from there around the same time.

by Anonymousreply 3312/02/2012

r31 is trolling. Don't reply to her as if she were making a real point.

by Anonymousreply 3412/02/2012

R31, I would agree with you about 90% of the time, but whither someone like Rock Hudson? Very butch; other than I had a friend who was a struggline actor in LA in the mid-70's, and had met (JUST met; not tricked) Rock Hudson, I would never have known. The "butch" ones can, on the surface, fool you.

by Anonymousreply 3512/02/2012

R18, that's very interesting. I have heard the same thing (I'm a supportive hag) from gays I know who said even their parents were okay with their "announcement" that they were gay, but the first time they introduced a romantic interest: ouch. Very difficult for a lot of parents (and, as you said, friends. Hope your friends are supportive now.

by Anonymousreply 3612/02/2012

My friend J. (RIP) always said, "Parents have to come out, too."

by Anonymousreply 3712/02/2012
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