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Best things you''ve ever overheard on the street or in a public space

I'm reviving a thread from 2003 that I found on my computer. I'll post the original thread.

by Billy Boyreply 11505/17/2015

By: anonymous 96 05/21/2003 @ 01:11PM My vote... in a Starbucks's in Manhattan, from one old new York guy talking to another: "You want to talk about classy dames? You want to talk about classy dames? You watch synchronized swimming in the Olympics!!! Those are classy dames!!!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space By: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:14PM "How many guys do you think your sister has had sex with? More than 10, do you think?" Overheard yesterday. Just struck me as odd.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Kipper 05/21/2003 @ 01:15PM On a train going into Brooklyn. Overheard a man on his cell phone talking. He was dressed in a suit and tie and obviously arguing with the person he was on the phone with. He was talking quietly, then said very loudly (in a very Brooklyn accent), "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKIN' FUCK!" The whole car burst out laughing.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Bus Ryder 05/21/2003 @ 01:17PM "So there I was doing her, doggy style on the roof." " I said to him I said,' Ride me, Dude!'"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:17PM "Mother, you are just a horrible, horrible person." Spoken by a pre-schooler at Disneyland. It was kind of chilling actually.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:18PM In a movie lobby - middle aged, heavy set woman to her husband in a husky, cigarette ravaged voice : "I don't care what you say, Morty, your bitch mother ain't movin' in with us!" - I now imitate this and call friends up to say that into their answering machines.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:20PM In the Musee d'Orsay in Paris, in front of Manet's "The Fifer": "Look, mummy! No shadows! No shadows at all!" Spoken by a precocious British ten year-old boy.

by Billy Boyreply 103/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:21PM "We got to restore microwave ovens; custom kitchen deliveries. We got to move these refrigerators. We got to move these color TVs." Sorry I just had to.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:27PM Heard over the loud speaker whilst grocery shopping in Hoboken in 1998. An obviously annoyed coworker or supervisor sternly warning: "Shaniqua come to the front please.....Shaniqua, come to the front, cho break is OVAH!" (SLAM!!) Got a lot of mileage out of that one over the years....

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:31PM "So he keeps tellin me alls this shit I have to do when the baby girl 's born, and so I sez, 'Uh-huh, doctah, alls I wants to know is, when can I git her eahs peahced?'," Overheard once on a bus in Philly. Have dined out on this for years.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Lynn 05/21/2003 @ 01:46PM Over the drive-through speaker at a Burger King after ordering a burger: "You want any prickles with that?"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 01:48PM Over the loudspeakers at a department store: "Customer service to Christmas!, Customer service to Christmas!"

...ten seconds later:

"Cancel Christmas!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 02:06PM Two very straight looking young businessmen in the row in front on a plane. One was complaining of his chronic back pain and wondering whether it was the way he was working out. The other quickly replied, "Oh puh-leeze girl, your back hurts because you've spent the last 20 years with your heels in the air."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Rahma 05/21/2003 @ 02:39PM While walking behind two women on a NYC street who were discussing the extended berevement of a friend who'd lost her husband "Mope all you wanna but he dead bitch! You know if it was my husband I'd be laughin'!"

by Billy Boyreply 203/31/2011

"What do you wear when the bride is arriving by helicopter?"

by Billy Boyreply 303/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 02:43PM Two women in the Pleasure Chest, L.A. "Sure, he can't afford to take me out to dinner, but he has no trouble buying a $75 dollar ring for his cock!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 02:47PM At the Chicago Art Institute, standing before Georges Seurat's A Sunday on La Grande Jatte: "Yeah, it's pretty, but that lady's walking a monkey, and that be messin' wit mah mind."

My friend and I had to stifle our laughter all the way back out to the lobby...

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 02:49PM "SLAP HER WILONA!" from the audience of a Good Times episode.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 02:51PM At a Sam Goody's years ago: "Lizetta! Is you o' isn't you gonna by that Michael Jackson record?"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 02:51PM by=buy

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:06PM On a bus: Driver, motioning to a left unbrella, "Hey Cinderella, you forgot your magic wand." To which he replied, while tapping on the driver's head, "Poof, you're a pile of shit."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Kipper 05/21/2003 @ 03:12PM Almost forgot my second favourite. Standing in front of a gorgeous Rubens painting, Metropolitan Museum of Art; crowd of about 25 people all silently admiring it. Some blonde 18 year old bimbette in front of me. She announces to her young male companion in a very loud voice, "Why are all the chicks in these paintings fat and naked?" Every head turned to stare at her. Her companion actually had the good graces to cringe and edge away from her. My sister and I still make jokes about that. You must have this many brain cells to be in a museum...

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:15PM This happened in the mid 80's, in an in-house art department. A particularly obnoxious female co-worker to an equally obnoxious male co worker who she accussed of taking some of her art supplies: "But Brians choo knows those are mines!! Why is dat choo keep takin' mines stuff??"

This would usually happen weekly, we could set our clocks for this event.

by Billy Boyreply 403/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:16PM There was a great e-mail funny thing a few years ago, listing the silly things visitors to National Parks said in public. The best ones I can remember: In the Carlsbad Caverns someone asked a docent: "So how many ping-pong balls would it take to fill this place up?"

At the top of the Grand Canyon: "Hey, where's the elevator to the bottom? I've already got the tickets even."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: MsK 05/21/2003 @ 03:22PM A tiny little ghetto mom, no more than sixteen herself, pushing a stroller with her kicking newborn infant: "GIT yo mothafuckin' sock back on!!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:22PM On a train from Chicago to New York, a young couple furtively trying to calm down their hyperactive daughter: "Destiny, sit down! Destiny, get off the floor!"

ALL THE WAY TO FRICKIN PHILADELPHIA.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:30PM This is an example of how people should keep ther mouths shut around their children. A couple (male & female) where dining with their young daughter and what appeared to be relative or close female friend.

During the course of the conversation the little girl said, very loud & clear: "My parents said you will NEVER get married." The female looked mortified & the couple both looked like they wanted to get sucked up into the earth!

The woman glared at them: "Well since you do drugs around your children it stands to reason that you'd say such things in their presence also!" She then proceeded to throw some money on the table, gathered her belongings & walked out.

There is probably more to this story, but that statement from the child obviously struck a major chord with the female at the table.

After the woman left, the parents chided their little darling about her statement. The poor kid, who couldn't have been no more than 4 years old, didn't know what hit her. She then began to cry.

Pretty entertaining, all around! Ha!

by Billy Boyreply 503/31/2011

At a Buffalo Bills football game, I overheard a girlfriend yelling at her boyfriend proclaiming he was drunk. The guy replied, completely without irony, the following: "Drunk? Are you kidding me? I've only had like 15 beers all day!"

To be fair, Bills fans start tailgating at 8 or 9am and continue far into the evening. So he had probably metabolized 9 or 10 of the beers. But still. It never fails to make me giggle and feel better about my own drinking habits.

by Billy Boyreply 603/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:31PM Yes this whole thread is rather entertaining. It's fun to feel superior!!

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:36PM At a gay pride event a few years ago, a rather drunk paunchy middle aged drag queen walks by... a normal looking woman and her female friend look at the drag queen, the woman says to her friend about the drag, she ain't nothing but a fat slob.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:40PM Two chinese teenage girls on a bus in San Francisco talking, another chinese girl walks by, one of the chinese girls says hi to her, the other of the two says, "Why you hi to her, you no no her." I still think of this years later probably because someone I know did such a good impersonation of the scene.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 03:42PM Overheard on a bus, two drunk gay guys, one bitchingly says "So you think I'm too stoned to go out to dinner."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 08:27PM In the emergency room, a chubby black lady was asked by a nurse why she was there. "I already tol' the other lady, I got a pain in my bogina!" RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 08:29PM A friend of mine loves to tell this one about two ladies in a shoe store: "I be lookin' at shoes for Shaniqua, but I be lookin' at 8s and she be wearin' a 10."

"Do she?"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 08:52PM 1972, a 10 year old boy, on British Airways, chatting to the stewardess who had had been trying to make freinds with him: little boy: "Mum told me to go to the bathrooms right at the start of the flight and pick up all the cologne bottles and the soaps!"

Stewardess, trying to keep a straight face: "And did you, darling?"

Boy: "Yes! They are in Mum's handbag!"

Mummy looked ready to jump off the plane.

(This was when airlines still carried small bottles of cologne and spare bars of soap and lots of other fun stuff in the bathrooms)

by Billy Boyreply 703/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 09:15PM A frustrated lady driver to parking attendant after finding no where to park: "Where in the fuck is a person supposed to park around here?" Parking attendant to lady: "Why don't you roll down your window so I can piss in your face?"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 09:17PM Pissed off driver to a haughty daddy's girl in her bmw who wouldn't let him in the flow of traffic: "you smarmy cunt." Girl: "Why don't you sniff it."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/21/2003 @ 10:08PM Thanks, Darren - LOL!

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 12:02AM Overheard on a bus, one exasperated black guy talking to another who was misunderstanding him: "Nigga- I ain't talkin' 'bout dat!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 12:27AM "Pissed off driver to a haughty daddy's girl in her bmw who wouldn't let him in the flow of traffic: "you smarmy cunt." Girl: "Why don't you sniff it." OMG, I'm in love with that girl.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 12:30AM Here's a very fitting website for this thread... It's comprised of wacky conversations overheard on the street... Link

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 12:35AM The IHOP, Palm Desert, CA, late Sunday afternoon, maybe 8 customers. Twenty-ish woman, thirty-ish man. Guy got up to go to the men's room. Woman got on her cel phone prattling on about the guy and says loudly "well, I spent the night with him last night!" I slapped my palms to my open-mouthed face face like Mac Culkin in "Home Alone". The customer in the booth facing me shrieked in laughter. Thirty-ish guy came out of rest room and couldn't figure out why we were staring and snickering.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 12:40AM baby dyke? baby dyke?

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 02:09AM I am at a bar in the UK that some of my friends and I would go to after fencing practice. One of the bartenders was rather strange always bringing up wierd stuff, and my friend Stu and myself are at the bar. I am facing away from the bar, and the bartender is talking to Stu. I hear the bartender say, "So, is Matt gay?", referring to another member of our group. I assume he's not talking to me. All of a sudden Stu goes, "Why are you looking at ME?" and the bartender says, "I just wondered if you ever kissed him gently on the lips." I about spat my beer out.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 02:11AM Anybody want to lay odds on a frequent poster? I am thinking 70-30.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 04:02AM Walking down a steet in London's SoHo, minding my own business and this door swings open in front of me and out barges a young twentyish couple with the man scrabbling to make amends with his girlfriend "What, don't I flatter you enough?" I just wonder what the conversation leading up to that was as I approached and would loved to have listened in on how it was resolved.

It was like being thrown into the middle of a heated lover's spat and the way the Brit delivered the line, the characteristic inflection and all, was priceless.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 04:44AM In Yosemite National Park - opened the sliding door of the hotel room to get some morning air. A very fat, middle-aged woman in a muumuu, smoking a cigarette, standing outside, complai

by Billy Boyreply 803/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 10:32AM I overheard this a couple of weekends ago at California Pizza Kitchen in Solano Beach, and I was waiting for an opportunity to post it: A white couple and their two kids (girl: approx 13; boy: approx 10) sit outdoors at the table next to us. The kids leave to go the restroom together. When they returned the boy announced loudly, "She opened the door while I was using it!" His sister replies just as loudly, "He didn't flush, or wash his hands! AND he didn't wipe!!!"

Both parents turned beet red and tried to sush them. I gave them the most melodramatically scathing look I could muster and then proceeded to talk about trashy people and their kids. (They sent the boy back to the restroom.) My friend and I could not stop laughing.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 10:35AM sush = shush

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 10:36AM ...In Erie, PA, summer of 1969, during the Apollo moon landing. Two middle aged women on a public bus: First woman: "...you know, ever since they landed on the moon, the weather's been all screwey!

Second woman: "...I agree! They're always messing around up there! All these rockets and things punching holes in the atmosphere, and now they're gonna mess up the moon!"

First woman: "...well, I don't think they'll touch the sun...I think they'll leave the sun alone..."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 10:52AM "You people so crazy about Cleenton and this Monica... you have so good economy, why you wanna mess with Cleenton... let me tell you, I am from Brazil and if he wanna come down here and fix our economy, we all line up to suck his dick! EVERYBODY IN BRAZIL will be in line! Mothers they say "go, children, get in line behind your Daddy!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 10:53AM EARLY 90'S, Manhattan's East Village: A Puerto Rican girl about 15-16 with either her little brother or baby-sitting charge, crossing the Avenue. They get across the street, the boy goes one way, the girl the other. Halfway down the block, she turns and screams at him: "Hey, Chico, WAIT!!! I tol' you I wanted to get a slice!" Have used this often since when in need of a little 'nosh after a night of drinking.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 10:57AM You people so crazy about Cleenton and this Monica... you have so good economy, why you wanna mess with Cleenton... let me tell you, I am from Brazil and if he wanna come down here and fix our economy, we all line up to suck his dick! EVERYBODY IN BRAZIL will be in line! Mothers they say "go, children, get in line behind your Daddy!" ROFL

by Billy Boyreply 903/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 11:10AM "...one of them stopped and looked into the window of the Monster & gawked at all the cute men inside... 'Diane, you can't be that naive, that's a gay bar...when was the last time you saw that many gorgeous straight men in one place?? Silly girl!'"

At the MONSTER?? Cute guys??? Now, who's being naive?

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 11:12AM 5-6 years ago I was walking through a park when I heard two little girls, who couldn't have been more than 7 years old, arguing. Then one of girls totally fed up shouted "Amber, you may be a bitch, but I'm hell in pigtails" I died laughing and now use that in my little tantrums.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 11:20AM I was at the grocery store and saw the most hen-pecked gay man in my life. He placed something in the cart and his partner says in a stern voice, "Put that back! That's not on the list!" Then at the check out lane, the bossy one lets out a big sigh and says "Here's the check book. I'm going to wait in the car."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Small boy's brother 05/22/2003 @ 11:25AM At a quiet restaurant, a small boy of about 6 said in a loud voice, "Mom! How old were you when Columbus discovered America?" It seemed that everyone suddenly woke up and there were giggles and chatter everywhere.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 11:35AM Shopping in a department store's warehouse store with 3 other gay male friends, looking through boxes of comforters, a woman next to us yells out to her husband, "Here are some queens." We shocked her when all 4 of us burst out laughing.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Jessy 05/22/2003 @ 12:41PM I was perusing an aisle in the library and overheard a white trash chick (probably looking for either 'childbirth' or 'STD' books) tell another about a guy she was with last night: "They wunt much to it- but it was hard."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 12:56PM Scene: Japanese restaurant on the Upper East Side of Manhattan; Time: late 80s. Me and my lover eating sushi, overheard this part of a conversation between a straight yuppie couple. Guy whines to girl, "I'm starting to worry that I'll never make six figures!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 01:01PM Overheard by me. Two str8 women checking out a guy on the street. "Do you think he's a gay"?

The man was wearing wrestling tights,docs,handlebar mustache and sailor cap.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: DD 05/22/2003 @ 01:10PM in chicago: a very large woman is going around a grocery store very obviously shoplifting and stuffing items into her overcoat. as the manager approached her and asked her to step aside and speak with him, a ham fell from beneath her coat and rolled onto the floor--the woman did a take and then cried "who trew dat ham at me?"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 01:21PM While riding a bus one day in a rural area outside of Pittsburgh, PA, an obviously very wealthy woman was seated across from me and when the bus came to a sudden stop, her purse flew off the seat next to her and into the aisle, spilling out all its contents. The woman leaned over the seat, peered out into the aisle and said very calmly but very loudly..."WHAT A BUM-FUCK!!!" ...I peed my pants...

by Billy Boyreply 1003/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 01:26PM "While riding a bus one day in a rural area outside of Pittsburgh, PA, an obviously very wealthy woman was seated across from me". Ah--no.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 01:30PM glad someone pointed out the cute guy at the monster story rings false. that place is a troll enclave.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 01:32PM I was on a Northwest flight from New York to Memphis years ago and we were delayed for an hour before taking off. The flight was two hours or more and all they gave us were granola bars (this was back before airlines began to cutback on meals) and everyone on the plane missed there connecting flight. There had been this large woman named Dolores who was loudly complaining to her travel companion the entire flight. Anyway, as we were debarking the flight attendant in the doorway was simply saying "sorry, sorry" to everyone who had missed their connecting flight and when Dolores walked by her she said to the flight attendent: "You take your sorry and your granola bar and hove it up your ass!!"

I died.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 01:34PM "glad someone pointed out the cute guy at the monster story rings false. that place is a troll enclave. " It's all relative dear. Straight girls have very different standards.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 02:31PM too true, 1:34.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 03:41PM The wealthy woman on a bus story somehow reminded me of something I overheard but had forgotten:

A female professor in my department, very near retirement, very prim and proper, was telling the secretaries how very vexed she was about a particular situation. "What a pain in the twat!" she said. It was like hearing Mother Teresa say it, sooooo unexpected. The secretaries were trying to figure out why she would say such a vulgar thing, and through a series of questions, it turns out she thought 'twat' was a synonym for 'butt'. But they never corrected her misconception, happily, and she repeated how the situation was a 'real pain in the twat' several times that afternoon. I was behind a partition where we ate lunch, crying and choking on my lunch from laughing.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 03:48PM Who let Amos and Andy loose on this thread?

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 01:14AM I just overheard this middle aged couple, a man and woman talking about upcoming movies and the woman tells her husband .."I want to see that movie with Renee Zellwegger and Obie Wan Kenobi"!!!

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 01:42AM >>"On a bus: Driver, motioning to a left unbrella, "Hey Cinderella, you forgot your magic wand." To which he replied, while tapping on the driver's head, "Poof, you're a pile of shit."" This was a scene from a movie. I wonder how many of these are made up.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 02:14AM Customer trying to decide which drink he would like at a coffee house on the Marina Del Rey/Venice border... (To the cashier) "Which do you think has more flair? The Tequila Sunrise or the Bora Bora?"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 08:31AM I was walking behind a guy in tight white pants on Greenwich Avenue. Two women were coming toward us. As they passed him, one of them said "That can't be real".

by Billy Boyreply 1103/31/2011

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 08:33AM In company cafeteria. A woman overhead another woman talking about her. She walked over and said "Take my name outta your mouth".

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 08:34AM Drag queen on street saw guy and girl holding hands. Queen screams out "Ditch the bitch and make the switch". The couple laughed.

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 01:06PM bump

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 05:18PM Was working in a bookstore years ago and we sold do it yourself divorce kits. A man and presumably his girlfriend came in and he asked me where the divorce kits were located. I told him and then he asked me if they were easy to do. His girlfriend spoke up and said: "Oh, I'll show you how, I've done a couple of them."

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 06:32PM 5-year-old blonde girl turns to her mother's 30-year-old friend and says, "You're dittin' on my nerves, Iona!"

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/23/2003 @ 06:40PM (To the cashier) "Which do you think has more flair? The Tequila Sunrise or the Bora Bora?"

This is priceless!

RE: Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: Billy Boy 05/23/2003 @ 08:55PM Miss Susan, hostess of a popular local children's TV show, introducing the two puppets, Charles (Chuck) the Rooster and Socrates (Sock) the Book Worm: Here they are kids, your favorites! Chuck and Suck! err.. Sock!

by Billy Boyreply 1203/31/2011

Worst. Fucking. Formatting. Ever.

by Billy Boyreply 1303/31/2011

More please

by Billy Boyreply 1403/31/2011

"It's not as bad as beastiality, but still..."

by Billy Boyreply 1504/01/2011

Thanks op. Some of these are hilarious.

by Billy Boyreply 1604/01/2011

Overheard in London:

First woman: "Do you like asparagus tips?"

Second woman: "No, I only smoke Marlboro."

by Billy Boyreply 1704/01/2011

A few days ago, I said that DL had gotten really racist since about 2008, before the elections. After seeing this thread from 2003, I take it back. I was wrong. So very, very wrong.

by Billy Boyreply 1904/01/2011

OMG OP thank you. I needed to laugh!%0D %0D The Clinton one is great and so is "what a BUM-FUCK!" lol lol lol

by Billy Boyreply 2004/01/2011

"Thanks op. Some of these are hilarious."

And some are proof that DL hasn't changed all that much, no matter what the old timers say.

by Billy Boyreply 2104/01/2011

An old lady at a casino: "...and I told him, 'eat shit and die, motherfucker!'"

by Billy Boyreply 2204/01/2011

On the L train on Chicago's North Side, an African American woman was arguing very loudly on her cell phone. A black man comes thru the car, passing from one car to another, and as he passes her, he says, "Quiet! You scarin' all da white people!"%0D %0D Also on the Chicago L: Three slacker kids having a conversation; they got to talking about New York and one of them said something to the effect of: "New York is fucking amazing. The McDonalds there is THREE STORIES!"%0D

by Billy Boyreply 2404/01/2011

One girl on a bus to another girl: "Your motherfuckin' game ain't my motherfuckin' shame."

by Billy Boyreply 2504/01/2011

Woman on the phone: You wanna get a fuckin barbecue then get your fuckin barbecue and go cook your ass!

***********

Little girl to mother: Mommy look at that funny little man. He looks just like a leprechaun.

Mother to little girl: Shhhhh! That not a man, it's a lady. And now she's staring at us!

by Billy Boyreply 2604/02/2011

Overheard in Windsor castle: an American tourist, commenting on the numerous planes flying overhead, said "I don't understand why they built a castle near the airport!"

by Billy Boyreply 2704/03/2011

[quote]"New York is fucking amazing. The McDonalds there is THREE STORIES!"

There's a two story one in Louisville.

by Billy Boyreply 2804/03/2011

"her ass is sloppier than YOURS!"

by Billy Boyreply 2904/03/2011

Today at work, customer looking for tulip bulb spade.%0D %0D Associate: "We have the kind that has a long handle, so you can use it standing up."%0D %0D Customer: "No, just the hand one, the bitch has me on my knees anyway".

by Billy Boyreply 3004/03/2011

bump

by Billy Boyreply 3104/05/2011

[quote]by: Small boy's brother 05/22/2003 @ 11:25AM At a quiet restaurant, a small boy of about 6 said in a loud voice, "Mom! How old were you when Columbus discovered America?" It seemed that everyone suddenly woke up and there were giggles and chatter everywhere.%0D %0D %0D I'm still here. %0D

by Billy Boyreply 3204/05/2011

Heard over the supermarket loudspeaker one early morning Saturday.. "Donna they're wakin' uh-uuup!" I chuckled.

by Billy Boyreply 3304/05/2011

One of my coworkers called in and said, "I'm going to be late. They screwed up my latte."

by Billy Boyreply 3404/05/2011

bump

by Billy Boyreply 3504/05/2011

the one about the lady shoplifting ("who threw that ham at me?") is featured in David Lindsey-Abaire's new play, Good People, except the ham is now a turkey. So does Lindsey-Abaire read DL? Or is the story just an old joke that's made the rounds?

by Billy Boyreply 3604/06/2011

A co-worker: "That's me. I've taken on a plastic smell."

by Billy Boyreply 3704/06/2011

1978: Staten Island Ferry. Transient on the boat. Ferry worker says, Tro' the bum in the river!"

by Billy Boyreply 3804/06/2011

I walked past a mother with a little boy on her lap, maybe three years old, and he was screaming blue murder whilst she's holding a coke can on his head. He obviously bumped his head. I felt sorry for him, it seems he was heavily traumatized. As I pass them, the mom says to him "You'll be fine, you're going to be all right", very soothing, he is still hysterical. He screams in reply: "NOOOOO! *pause* NEVER!!!" and carries on screaming. OMG I laughed so hard. He shouted it like his life was over. Bless.

by Billy Boyreply 3904/06/2011

[quote]Bless.%0D %0D Damn! WTF are we doing to get Fundie crapola like this? %0D

by Billy Boyreply 4004/06/2011

Overheard on 14th Street near Union Square Spring of 1997%0D %0D First woman: "I mean, it's been 6 months and I for one am sick of her carrying on"%0D %0D Second woman: "I know! Mope all you wanna, but he dead, bitch. Shoot, if that had been my man I'd be laughin!"

by Billy Boyreply 4104/06/2011

On Dauphin street in NOLA:

"Her Snatch is looser than mine!"

by Billy Boyreply 4204/06/2011

Overheard at Walmart, one African-American woman to another: "...and alls I gots left is my babies and my dignities."%0D %0D

by Billy Boyreply 4304/06/2011

Malachi's Bar on 72nd --%0D Barmaid #1: I think the bride was a lesbian.%0D Barmaid #2: Don't be ridiculous-- she just got out of the Coast Guard

by Billy Boyreply 4404/06/2011

I need to suck John Boehner's dick very badly.

by Billy Boyreply 4504/06/2011

"I will never fuck you again!" Shouted into a payphone at the QuikTrip in Tulsa. It was our first night of a long weekend when we were trying to decide whehter to move here. We made the move, and "I will never fuck you again!"

by Billy Boyreply 4604/06/2011

I never understood that, R32, so maybe you could explain. Did an entire restaurant really react that way? I can't imagine a whole room being embarrassed and snickering behind someone's back over something so obviously goofy coming from a little kid.

by Billy Boyreply 4704/06/2011

Bumpo...

by Billy Boyreply 4805/24/2013

BUY A SUBSCRIPTION, FREAK.

by Billy Boyreply 4905/24/2013

OP needs a life.

by Billy Boyreply 5005/24/2013

I remember "GIT your motherfuckin sock on!" when it was originally posted.

Cramps from stifling my laughter at work.

by Billy Boyreply 5105/24/2013

On an elevator:

Young Girl 1: So she told me that he, like, HATES leggings.

Young Girl 2: Like any leggings?

Young Girl 1: Yeah, like with shorts or a skirt even.

a few beats, then...

Young Girl 3: Oh my god. We're ALL wearing leggings.

by Billy Boyreply 5205/24/2013

Thanks, OP.

Here's mine:

One woman to another in LA: "I hear the Lakers are gonna axe Kobe".

Reply: "Axe him what"?

by Billy Boyreply 5305/24/2013

Two Turks in an argument at a German train station:

"You are a fuck mother!"

"I am a fuck mother? No, YOU are a fuck mother!"

by Billy Boyreply 5405/24/2013

One female to another at a coffee shop "I'm telling you, Megan, my tits are firmer than his ass".

by Billy Boyreply 5505/24/2013

Recently in a fast food joint, a woman in the booth nearby sitting with her young child while on her cell, very loudly: "you fuckin bitch! You are a rude bitch do you know that? Fuck you. I'm glad I'm nothing like you I have class and manners. I'm going to teach my little girl netiquette (note: think she meant "etiquette") so that she doesn't act anything like you! You're a bitch-fuck you." (slams down phone).

Irony is so lost on this younger generation.

by Billy Boyreply 5605/24/2013

The first one is the funniest one:

[quote]in a Starbucks's in Manhattan, from one old new York guy talking to another: "You want to talk about classy dames? You want to talk about classy dames? You watch synchronized swimming in the Olympics!!! Those are classy dames!!!"

by Billy Boyreply 5705/24/2013

Does a remark so stupid that it's funny count for this thread? I may have contributed this before: I was in a restaurant in Hell's Kitchen seated near two young queens out on a date. This was during one of those periods when there was a water shortage, so the waitress didn't automatically bring glasses of water to the table, and one of the queens was put out that he had to ask for one. After the waitress went to get the water, the queen said to the other one, and I shit you not: "I don't know why they don't just bring the water without automatically. If we don't drink it, they can just pour it in the sink and it goes back to where it came from."

by Billy Boyreply 5905/24/2013

I don't know why I got a box to myself, but thank you.

by Billy Boyreply 6005/24/2013

"I just left the tampon in the sink."

I actually gagged when I heard this girl. It took way too long for me to realize that it probably wasn't a used tampon. I hope.

by Billy Boyreply 6105/24/2013

Sitting at a bar drinking a beer in a working class part of town. An older toothless wino looking couple was also drinking at the bar.

They got to bickering over a few bill on the counter. She wanted some of them and he did not want her to have any. Finally she got up, grabbed the bills and said very loudly " I fucked you enough for that " as she walked out of the bar

by Billy Boyreply 6205/24/2013

In the late 90's I was in a Tower records. There were two late teenage guys rummaging thru the CDs. One of them pulled out a Shania Twain CD and said to the other, loud enough for everyone to hear, "She put the cunt in country!"

by Billy Boyreply 6305/24/2013

My partner and I were crossing a street in Hollywood. We saw a homeless guy walking toward a young couple. He got up close the the girlfriend and said, "Will you fart for me?" The boyfriend almost pissed himself laughing.

My partner and I saya that to each other all the time now.

by Billy Boyreply 6405/24/2013

I was having tea at Fauchon on Madison Ave. There was a pair young upper East Side women, one of whom had a very young infant. The baby was no more than a few months old. The mother of the infant was going on about "he just isn't meeting my expectations", etc. It shortly became clear that she was essentially giving her baby a performance review... and it sounded as if he was about to be fired if he didn't shape up!

by Billy Boyreply 6505/24/2013

We were leaving The Haunted Mansion at Disneyland during Halloween season. There were spooky decorations everywhere, and I heard a little boy say, "I wanna be a skeleton, mama!" I then heard a woman (presumably mama) respond flatly, "You'll be a skeleton when you're dead." I guess mom was over the Disney experience.

by Billy Boyreply 6605/24/2013

[quote] Shopping in a department store's warehouse store with 3 other gay male friends, looking through boxes of comforters, a woman next to us yells out to her husband, "Here are some queens."

BWWWAAAHAAAA!

by Billy Boyreply 6705/25/2013

On the No. 2 train to Brooklyn, two bros discussing getting some recent tail:

"Oh, Lord. Ain't nuttin worse than a stanky pussy!"

by Billy Boyreply 6805/25/2013

[quote]Best things you've ever overheard on the street or in a public space by: anonymous 05/22/2003 @ 10:57AM You people so crazy about Cleenton and this Monica... you have so good economy, why you wanna mess with Cleenton... let me tell you, I am from Brazil and if he wanna come down here and fix our economy, we all line up to suck his dick! EVERYBODY IN BRAZIL will be in line! Mothers they say "go, children, get in line behind your Daddy!" ROFL

Time to update this hilarious, politically incorrect thread from 2003 with some current bon mots...

by Billy Boyreply 6907/15/2014

On a crowded downtown street- One guy to another "Oh, my God! His cock was so big I could hardly get it in my mouth!" On a bus-2 passengers yelling at each other-Tiny Asian lady wins with "Oh,yeah..if I have dick I tell you to SUCK it!"

by Billy Boyreply 7007/15/2014

On a New York sidewalk, "We got backflipping midgets!"

by Billy Boyreply 7107/15/2014

"I didn't move to New Orleans to work. I moved to New Orleans to be popular."

(Overheard, 1981, in French Quarter bar, "The Refuge")

by Billy Boyreply 7207/15/2014

Totally over dressed douchey looking yuppie on cell phone in public library discussing his workout, showering and grooming regimen "I love my baby fine hair." This became a standard closer for phone conversations in my circle of friends

by Billy Boyreply 7307/15/2014

Overheard on the ferry, one semi-drunk young guy to his friend:

"No way am I shaving my balls for her!"

by Billy Boyreply 7407/15/2014

Thank you for bringing this back R69. You're my favorite number.

by Billy Boyreply 7507/15/2014

"All ni----s want is loose shoes, tight pussies and a warm place to shit." - former Secretary of Agriculture Earl Butz

by Billy Boyreply 7607/15/2014

At restaurant --

"Should we get another order of pork belly? They don't know we're cardiologists."

by Billy Boyreply 7707/15/2014

I was going to post one, then noticed I already posted it eleven years ago.

by Billy Boyreply 7807/15/2014

I was on the bus about 20 years ago, and two 20 something women were talking loud about their sex lives. Then one said this to the other,

"I told him, 'No, you can't cum in me,' so he takes it out and shoots on my face. What a prick."

by Billy Boyreply 7907/15/2014

Why you hi her? You no no her

Laughed for ten minutes straight!

by Billy Boyreply 8007/15/2014

Great stuff in here.

by Billy Boyreply 8107/18/2014

Many years ago when I was a new arrival in NYC my roomie and I went shopping for some cheap furniture at the Goodwill on Steinway in Astoria. He found a dresser he liked and went to get a clerk. My job was to stand by the dresser and hold it against any other claimants. As I did so, I heard a fat guy with a thick New York accent bellow to his lady, "Let's get outta here! It smells like someone's [italic]ass[/italic] in here!"

He was right. It did smell like ass in there. I was laughing so hard I was weeping when my roomie returned with the clerk. It became our standard exit line when leaving anyplace together, always spoken in a mock New York accent.

by Billy Boyreply 8308/05/2014

Manhattan, 14th St.

A very fat woman and her equally huge daughter angrily glaring at a hangdog smaller man shuffling along behind them. (The daughter's boyfriend? Husband?)

Daughter yelling over her shoulder: "You insulted my mother! My fuckin' mother!"

by Billy Boyreply 8408/05/2014

I worked in a book store and the amount of crazy stuff or book titles people wanted. This one girl asked me if there was a book on how to get away with killing her x-boyfriend and another who asked for books on how to religiously get rid of a unwanted baby (hypothetically speaking). She kept saying hypothetically. Another woman wanted a teen novel for her son but it could not have any homosexual characters in the novel for they had already gone through all that.

by Billy Boyreply 8508/05/2014

Thank you OP and thread posters. Best laugh I've had in weeks.

by Billy Boyreply 8608/05/2014

You and your friends sound lovely, r82.

by Billy Boyreply 8708/05/2014

Small prestigious gallery (owned by a Duke) in St James's, London. Upmarket (of course) reception girl is visited by two of her peers. Chat turns to acquaintances (a couple), about whom reception girl says:

"Oh, I feel so sorry for them. They've only got their salaries to live on."

by Billy Boyreply 8808/05/2014

From the loudspeaker in a train in Switzerland: Nächster Halt Füdlispalt (Next stop butt crack).

by Billy Boyreply 8908/05/2014

1. My friend's father-in-law, a NJ type with a cigar - "That goddamn cat is even fatter than the last time I was here!"

2. Sitting in the park one Sunday morning, two women walked by, detailing their last night's date - "AND he had a podgy tummy!"

by Billy Boyreply 9008/05/2014

Truculent casually dressed man in late middle age, having queued, finally reached the Post Office clerk, and obviously spoke too quietly at first, because he then repeated loudly enough for the entire room to hear:

"A form to make out a WILL. A WILL, for when you DIE."

by Billy Boyreply 9108/05/2014

Has the OP come up for air yet?

by Billy Boyreply 9208/05/2014

Thank, OP. Still reading, but afraid of respiratory distress from laughing so hard. Fav is about sucking Clinton's dick to get Brazil's economy fixed. It's priceless.

Different location, but in church one Sunday when I was a teen. The preacher went through all the announcements for activities/gatherings that week. He finished up, said does anyone have any other announcements? A little girl on the front row, maybe 5, loudly said, "Miss Stella said she was going to bring her fish to Sunday School for us to see. She didn't bring that fish. Jesus said not to lie. I love Miss Stella and don't want her going to hell, but she might just be going there." The rest of the service was mostly people laughing like hell.

by Billy Boyreply 9311/03/2014

Overheard on Boston subway, said by an older African-American lady to an obnoxious young guy who was trying to find a place to sit during a rush hour until he parked his butt on a handrail right next to her face: "I ain't smellin' yo ass all the way to Mass Av!"

The whole car burst into laughter.

by Billy Boyreply 9411/03/2014

I'm dying laughing at these. Thank you for posting.

by Billy Boyreply 9511/03/2014

In a San Francisco restaurant "It was too big to put in my mouth so I just HAD to sit on it"

by Billy Boyreply 9611/03/2014

"My sister brags all the time about how much she LOVES reading! It's all B.S! I've never seen ONE magazine at her house!!"

by Billy Boyreply 9711/03/2014

On the Hollywood Walk of Fame:

"Look! Yul Brenner!"

"Who's that?"

"Didnt you ever see ANNIE?!?"

by Billy Boyreply 9811/03/2014

Cheese samples were being given at a farmer’s market. Little pieces of cheese on the plate, toothpicks for picking them up. An older Russian lady got her a piece of cheese with a toothpick. She went to pick up another one with the the same toothpick. The black lady minding the samples said “Uh uh, mama! You gotta use another toothpick. That’s like putting your mouth on the plate. Nasty!”

by Billy Boyreply 9911/04/2014

Heh...

by Billy Boyreply 10011/04/2014

Years ago I was waiting in line in the Men's Room before a performance of Salome at the old New York City Opera. I heard a very small boy's voice say "Daddy, Daddy! Where are my underpants?" "In my pocket, be quiet." ??? Also, Salome is about incest and necrophilia, presented onstage with nudity. Who takes a seven year old?

by Billy Boyreply 10111/04/2014

Back in the 1980s, I was standing in line at the discount TCKTS booth in Times Square. When the woman in front of me reached the ticket window, she asked whether they had seats for Barefoot in the Park with George.

by Billy Boyreply 10211/04/2014

I heard this on 8th Avenue in Chelsea on Halloween: "So they had all this chicken wire. And I said to him, 'Why do you have all that chicken wire?' And he said 'We're going to catch chickens.' So I said, 'That's stupid. You don't use chicken wire to CATCH CHICKENS.' Then they left. And they came back three hours later -- AND THEY HAD CHICKENS!"

by Billy Boyreply 10311/04/2014

Today at the exhibition of late Turner paintings at Tate Britain.

Quite crowded; I was admiring a great canvas of a tempestuous sea called 'Snow Storm.' Up breezes a confident youngish American who says to his companion in a carrying voice:

"It's amazing how he did that without using an app - like, a 'swirly' app."

by Billy Boyreply 10411/08/2014

Act pussy at home- not with me!

by Billy Boyreply 10504/27/2015

[quote]Truculent casually dressed man in late middle age, having queued, finally reached the Post Office clerk, and obviously spoke too quietly at first, because he then repeated loudly enough for the entire room to hear: "A form to make out a WILL. A WILL, for when you DIE."

In what country do you go to the post office to make out your will?

by Billy Boyreply 10604/30/2015

I'm sitting with my friend in his backyard. He noted that the neighbor kept stepping outside to fart, loudly, though I had not noticed. Finally, immediately before the neighbor saw us, I hear him say aloud to no one: "this is a free fart zone". My friend huffed to me "...And he's a minister, too!"

I think they both are precious.

by Billy Boyreply 10705/01/2015

This happened in, IIRC, the late 1990s, I was either on the 7 or N train, when I overheard two young Puerto Rican women loudly arguing, "Listen bitch, what coo think? Do I look like I have a dick on my face?!"

This became a running joke in my art department.

by Billy Boyreply 10805/01/2015

I ain't no pussy girl- I like boys!

by Billy Boyreply 10905/17/2015

Overheard side of a phone conversation:

"I'm immaculate. God made me immaculate. What choo think, that I'm not a clean person?" In a loud, Puerto Rican accent.

by Billy Boyreply 11005/17/2015

A couple of weeks before Ricky Martin made his mind blowing solo debut on the Grammys singing The Cup Life I heard a group of queens talking about him in a restaurant in my neighborhood (Los Feliz). They were talking about the upcoming Grammys and said that Ricky Martin was going to be singing and that it was going to blow everyone's mind and that he had an album coming out that was going to be huge. They also mentioned what a big queen he is which I had never heard.

by Billy Boyreply 11105/17/2015

Outside the Royal Infirmary in Glasgow three years ago. Two old women gossiping. They *did not* see or hear me approaching and all I heard was...

"Aye, well, you looked awfy (awfully) pleased wi' yerself, Margaret..." "Aye, Ah know. Ah huvnae had that much fun since Ah got Wee Jeannie kill't..." (I haven't had that much fun since I had Wee Jeannie murdered)

The look on their faces when they realised I could hear them wasn't fear - it was pure defiance and "come on if you think you're hard enough, mate". *Never* piss off a Glaswegian granny.

by Billy Boyreply 11205/17/2015

R12 Haha! Made me think of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ygy7UDADXDg

by Billy Boyreply 11305/17/2015

That last comment was meant to be for R112

by Billy Boyreply 11405/17/2015

Heh, R114 - Glaswegian grannies are terrifying. The one I always think of was one that a co-worker overheard on the bus one night...

"Aye, Ah went tae the doctors today." "Whit did he say?" "Ah've tae stop eating that foreign shite. Ah agree. It's fucking around with my fanny down there. Ah've got flaps like set yoghurt..."

(She's to stop eating foreign food - she agrees, It interferes with her ladygarden. She has, well, flaps like coagulated yoghurt...)

by Billy Boyreply 11505/17/2015
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