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Why do high-maintenance women always seem to attract nice guys?

Why is it that nice girls, who want to do stuff for guys, take care of them, go out of their way to cook for them, clean for them, challenge them, take interest in what they're interested in...fall short?? And then guys go after women who want to be pampered, spoiled, and often act bossy? WHY? Is this some kind of universal rule? GHMPH.

by Anonymousreply 7101/11/2015

They want to be married to their mothers.

by Anonymousreply 103/28/2011

They really are sadists.

by Anonymousreply 303/28/2011

If you can find the answer, please also forward it to the "why do bad guys always seem to attract nice girls" people. TIA.

by Anonymousreply 403/28/2011

Men think with their dicks. They want the hot one to date and to look good on their arms. Of course, a lot of them are immature and also want someone to mother them, so they marry their mothers and have affairs with the hot, attractive ones.

by Anonymousreply 503/28/2011

What about the guys with the high maintenance uggos?

by Anonymousreply 703/28/2011

I'm assuming mother issues, R7.

Either that, or they're closeted and don't care about what the woman looks like, as long as she facilitates his career--David Fincher for example.

by Anonymousreply 803/28/2011

They want the hot chick enough to put up with their bullshit.%0D %0D Also, lots of us are attracted to people who treat us badly. If you secretly believe you're worthless, you'll respond to someone who treats you like you're worthless. You might think that person sees the "real you".

by Anonymousreply 903/28/2011

OP, most nice guys lack killer instinct. They have no burning goals. So they prefer a woman who will give them structure.%0D

by Anonymousreply 1003/28/2011

Nice gay men are even worse in their predilection for bad boys.%0D %0D But the worst of all are lesbians. There is a whole subculture of lesbians who cannot STAND to be around nice women and must degrade and humiliate them.

by Anonymousreply 1103/28/2011

Speaking of this nonsense, I was watching "House Hunters International" on Sunday afternoon while I was cleaning. I was actually more listening than watching.

There was this couple who sold their home in Hawaii for 2 million, they were looking for a place in Bali,

The guy was a bit schlubby, though it was nothing some weight loss couldn't have helped, he was wasn't bad looking, was very patient considering the bullshit he took from his shrewish partner. He was German, the wife (or girlfriend) was a bitchy blond American.

I can't believe how easy going he was, especially for a German! The woman found problems with every house the real estate guy showed them. These homes were huge, basically palaces, a million goes very far in a place like Bali!

She was bitching about wall colors, the furniture and one house lacked any kitchen appliances though that house was brand new, these were ALL easy fixes.

One bedroom was so huge it was the size of an average NYC four room apartment, yet it wasn't big enough for this witch. She actually whined how "small" that bedroom was! What was she going to do, put a jet in there?!

Another problem was, she had to walk an extra couple of steps to the beach! ALL these houses were right on the beach, plus had built in pools! The sense of entitlement some people have is surreal.

I honestly don't understand how anyone would put up with such nonsense from their partner! I'd be out the door immediately.

by Anonymousreply 1303/28/2011

They don't always attract nice guys.

by Anonymousreply 1403/28/2011

R13? That show is fake.

We've been through this a million times. They really didn't look at those 3 different houses. They already bought a house before they were approached by the show and two of the houses were never shown to them before they bought their house. The owners are suppoosed to keep you guessing as to which house they "chose" (their never was a choice) and they exaggerate and try to mislead you. They sometimes denigrate the house they actually bought to the point of making it sound like a ahithole so that you won't guess which one is the real house.

It's a lot like an old tv show called To Tell the Truth. That show brought out 3 contestants. One person was who s/he said s/he was, while two others were imposters. They got more money the more they fooled the panel, so the "real" person often went out of their way to look and sound like an imposter.

by Anonymousreply 1503/28/2011

"That show is fake."

I'm quite aware those silly HGTV shows are fake, I was posting about the bitches these guys are involved with.

Unless they're ALL actors and actresses, the people on these home shows can't all be acting about how much they hate certain aspects of the homes they're looking at!

Are you saying all their reactions are scripted?

The men are always wimps, the wives/girlfriends are always annoying harpies going on about rooms being too small, the appliances aren't the latest and neither are the back splash areas or the counters up to their very high standards.

I'm guessing most of these dopes haven't cracked opened a book in years.

What I also find odd, most of these entitled assholes seem to work from home, they all need two offices! They act like high rolling jet-setters but most come across as total idiots.

by Anonymousreply 1603/28/2011

because she's prettier than you op.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 1703/28/2011

OP, what makes you think they're "nice guys"? If they don't think that nice girls are good enough for them, then they're not nice guys.

by Anonymousreply 1803/28/2011

I've lost patience with men who marry horrible women. I worked with a wonderful guy, a former actor, who actually boasted that his wife was a b*tch. He'd planned to propose to her on AMTRAK on their way to visit his Virginia family for the holidays, but she was so obnoxious on the train he couldn't get a word in edgewise. He finally managed to propose during the weekend. I give up. IMO it's "I managed to train her" or "I'm so special she's nice to *me*"

by Anonymousreply 1903/29/2011

It's that those "nice guys" aren't really that nice. They just act that way in front of you and count on their bitchy wives to do their dirty work for them. You should hear what nice guys have to say about you on the way home, in the car.

by Anonymousreply 2203/29/2011

The HGTV shows are fake????%0D

by Anonymousreply 2503/29/2011

People tend to pick partners who mirror what they need. If a man had a bitchy shrew of a mother growing up who was withholding of her love, he will pick a spouse who is similar in a subconscious attempt to work out his issues. He will continue to try (and fail) to win mom's love through his surrogate. %0D %0D Women do the same when they pick distant, abusive husbands. They don't know it but they are trying to get dad's approval. They will choose bad boys again and again in a never ending attempt to gain "dad's" love and acceptance. Sad, because they will never get it.

by Anonymousreply 2603/29/2011

What r22 said. And high maintenance people are easier to cheat on because they are so self involved.

by Anonymousreply 2703/29/2011

R22 is correct, most "nice guys/girls" aren't actually nice, they're too gutless to let their inner nastiness show. %0D %0D These people frequently marry assholes. Partly because they genuinely admire someone who has the courage to be openly nasty, and partly because they can count on the asshole to do the vicious things they'd secretly like to do themselves. It's a win-win for the fake-nice partner; they're generally liked, even pitied, but through their partner they get all the benefits of being an intimidating asshole.

by Anonymousreply 2803/29/2011

It's all they know. To be a "success", one needs to bag one of these hi-maintenance bitchy brats.

by Anonymousreply 2903/29/2011

Usually it's some complicated mix of what R22 and R26 said. The paradigm of bitch/shrewish mother and simpering father is modeled in childhood and acted out in adulthood. Men and women who are truly nice learn to balance and affirm their needs while being respectful of others'.

by Anonymousreply 3003/29/2011

I don't know why; I case every case is different.

My brother is the nicest guy in the world and for some reason, he always has been with women who need to be rescued in some way. And the women have been all over the spectrum in the looks category. We just know that if he were to be dropped into the middle of a room full of healthy women and one of them there had some sort of gaping need, he would root her out in no time and fall "in love" with her.

And interestingly enough, my mother is not like that at all.

by Anonymousreply 3103/29/2011

Because we can dahling because WE CAN!

by Anonymousreply 3403/29/2011


Get High Miles Per Hour

Grandma Hates My Pillbox Hat

Geese Have More Plaintive Honks

Ghosts Haunt My Play House

by Anonymousreply 3503/29/2011

Interesting thread because my brother and I were just talking about this very issue. One of his best friends is unbelievably gorgeous, but dumb as a box of hair. He was married to a beautiful accomplished woman, but she dumped him because he was dumb as a box of hair, as previously mentioned. But apparently she was not at all high maintenance.

Then he meets a beautiful blond divorcee at church. They hook up and eventually get married. She had previously been married to a rich guy, had a huge beautiful home.

The first time I met her, a group of us went out to dinner. She was very El Paseo (a shopping district in Palm Desert with lots of rich bitches). She was charming, if a bit off.

Eventually she began becoming obsessive about her new husband. When my brothers buddies would come to town, they'd have dinner. She always had to go along. Then she would keep track of her husband, calling him constantly. I'm surprised she didn't put a Lindsay Lohan ankle bracelet on him.

Didn't see her for awhile. Then heard from my brother that she'd been in psych wards a couple of times. Last time I saw her was at my dads funeral. Full Chanel couture, not a knock off. We had a catered event at my brothers house after wards. She was so anorexic I couldn't believe it. My brother said that her husband can't figure out how to get out without her killing herself or him.

And even though he's dumb as a box of hair, he's a really sweet, gentle, nice guy.

by Anonymousreply 3603/29/2011

Ditto what r22 posted. I have seen too many couples in which there is a "hatchet partner" and the "nice person". The nice person doesn't have to say no, or turn down invitations, or do anything to disabuse you of the idea that they are nice; the hatchet partner takes care of all of that.

by Anonymousreply 3703/29/2011

[quote]OP, what makes you think they're "nice guys"? If they don't think that nice girls are good enough for them, then they're not nice guys.%0D %0D DING! DING! DING! We have a winner!%0D %0D [quote]These people frequently marry assholes. Partly because they genuinely admire someone who has the courage to be openly nasty, and partly because they can count on the asshole to do the vicious things they'd secretly like to do themselves. %0D [quote]It's a win-win for the fake-nice partner; they're generally liked, even pitied, but through their partner they get all the benefits of being an intimidating asshole.%0D %0D HELL TO THE YES!%0D %0D [quote] It's that those "nice guys" aren't really that nice. They just act that way in front of you and count on their bitchy wives to do their dirty work for them. You should hear what nice guys have to say about you on the way home, in the car.%0D %0D TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN!

by Anonymousreply 3808/30/2011

What r22 & r 38 said! Those guys ARE NOT NICE. Using the woman as a scapegoat. Many of those poor str8 nice guys are closet cases, like duh.

by Anonymousreply 3908/30/2011

Well, I'm glad we've got that all figured out, then.%0D %0D But I do have to take exception to r20's assertion that straight men like overtly strong, self-confident women. That is entirely untrue; straight men generally prefer women who project enough weakness/ vulnerability to shore up the man's fragile self-esteem and let him believe he's the senior partner in the relationship. %0D %0D They will usually only accept a woman with attitude if they also find her very sexually attractive.%0D %0D Conversely, most women prefer a man who projects more strength/power than the woman does. This explains why so many women marry older men. It also explains why lots of women fantasize about or even enter relationships with "bad" men -- they see the delinquency as an expression of strength.

by Anonymousreply 4008/31/2011

I don't know R40, many powerful rich men prefer a partner that is more like them.

by Anonymousreply 4108/31/2011

I have a couple of other theories, some of which are similar to a couple of those touched on earlier: (1)They believe difficult women accept only the best; hence, if she accepts him, then he IS the best too. In his mind she is helping him live up to his potential, sort of like Coach did when he'd yell at him in football practice. That would carry over with any kids they would have. She would theoretically motivate the children to be the best, too and would keep them in line so he wouldn't have to. Consequently, if he dates a woman who does not complain and who does not expect things from him, he starts to think that she has low standards or is desperate. Therefore, in his mind, she is less of a catch.(2)Ever listen to a couple of straight married guys talking at work on a Monday morning talking about the weekend? They all talk about the "Honey-Do" list. For some reason, complaining about all the crap your wife makes you do is some kind of straight-male bonding ritual. Consequently, if a straight guy dates a woman who doesn't complain about things and doesn't tell him what to do, he can't contribute to the conversation and all the guys will just say that he's p-whipped.

by Anonymousreply 4208/31/2011

I think it is: 1. The guy isn't nice either or 2. Their experience has only been with bitches so they think that is what all females are like (he has never met the nice ones).

by Anonymousreply 4308/31/2011

Gay Hot Men Prefer Homos

by Anonymousreply 4408/31/2011

That's the question that I would really love an answer to! Why do the bitches get the good guys? Personally, I think it's becuz guys go after what they are sexually attracted to and don't really care who a woman is or what she is like. A man won't even give a woman a second thought if she isn't what he considers physically attractive. subsequently, he may be passing on an opportunity to meet someone really worth getting to know. His loss. So he goes after what he is physically attracted to and she may not be worth sh**. So what you have is a 'nice' guy with a b**ch. I say nice loosely becuz he's 'nice' to his b**ch meaning he treats her like a queen but if he was truly a nice guy he would have given the 'not as attractive' woman a chance b4 dismissing her as not worthy of his attention.

by Anonymousreply 4604/23/2012

There's a couple other reasons too. One is drama. The man doesn't have to do any work entertaining a high maintenance spouse because she provides endless dramatics. He will never be bored and he will always feel needed, if only as a whipping boy.

The second reason is structure. High maintenance people provide structure for a man who is not self-motivated. They push him in his career, they discipline him in his eating and workouts, they curb his porn addiction. There are a lot of men who don't have any particular ambition and can't see managing their own lives. The women do it for them. I knew one guy who could not make a decision about what to eat for dinner without calling his wife. When he couldn't reach her he would fret and pace. I would say, you've been living with her for eight years, you know what she likes, surprise her. And he looked at me as if I was nuts, as though to do that would bring on a beating or certain divorce. He hung at the office until 7 p.m. waiting for her to get home so she could decided what dinner he should bring home. Repeatedly.

by Anonymousreply 4904/26/2012

I find all of the women on HHI high maintenance bitches who whine about everything and I've always wondered what kind of jobs they have that they can work from home in a foreign country too. Many of their described jobs sound vague and shady.

by Anonymousreply 5104/26/2012

I'm with the folks who say "nice" guys hide behind their mouthpiece bitches. My father was the neighborhood gigolo back in the 50s-60s. He looked like Tony Curtis at his peak. I've had 3 stepmothers, each one worse than the last. I've been blaiming #3 for so long. Then I realized my "nice guy" Dad was "using" her to express his own desires (in 20 years we haven't spent a holiday together). You don't want to blame the nice guy, esp. if he's your Dad. But I now realize it takes two. Non-confrontational people can be just as manipulative as an outright bitch.

by Anonymousreply 5204/26/2012

R52 has the right answer, in case anyone is still interested.

by Anonymousreply 5409/29/2013

For myself, I am easily bored, but prefer to act pleasant. I tend to feel more comfortable with bitchy women because they become so alienating after a period of time, I do not have to feel guilty or explain to anyone WHY I decided to end it. Sexual passion runs out at the three year mark, and I have never had a relationship continue past that time frame. Usually by the third year, my partners have gotten so out of control shrewish, they give me many reasons and opportunities to pull the trigger. My big mistake of my life was after many such relationships, my last major relationship ended up resulting in a child.... it changes the dynamic and I have to continue to take crap off the bitch for the sake of the child. and she uses the kid for leverage. She is as bitchy of mother as she was a wife.

by Anonymousreply 5509/29/2013

Because "nice guys" are the only ones who will put up with them.

Nice Guys = Doormats

by Anonymousreply 5609/29/2013

these type of women have a very limited IQ.

by Anonymousreply 5710/17/2013

These type of women are extremely deft at identifying, sizing up and quickly controlling a certain type of nice guy. I've seen several miserable men in these types of relationships and I seriously think they do not leave because of genuine fear of bitchface's wrath.

If you are a nice guy who is even the least bit lonely, the least bit unsure of yourself, the least bit scared that you may never have another relationship again, this woman will smell that shit from a million miles away and begin the attack.

by Anonymousreply 5810/17/2013

The gay guys on DL are obsessed with women, it is very odd. I checked out a couple of lesbian sites and it's as if men don't exist but these guys can't shut up about women.

by Anonymousreply 5910/17/2013

Doesn't matter if it's a hetero or homo relationship. A truly 'nice' guy would not pick a drama queen/shrewish wackjob. These 'nice' lads and ladies get something from having the 'bitch/asshole' partner take the fall for whatever happens. These guys and girls get off on their partner's shrewishness. The family and friends don't realize that the 'bitch/nutjob' winds up making decisions while the 'nice guy/girl' come out smelling like a rose.

by Anonymousreply 6010/17/2013

We're just too good for them anyway.

by Anonymousreply 6111/13/2014


by Anonymousreply 6211/14/2014

It is a real good thing that You women didn't have to Struggle like the women in the old days did, and it would've been very rough for you.

by Anonymousreply 6312/17/2014

This one of the best threads I've read in a long time. The replies were more insightful than any psychotherapist could come up with in a lifetime. Thanks!

by Anonymousreply 6401/06/2015

r48 & r59 - A high number of DL posters are straight women, like yourselves. Why don't you stick to imdb or wherever you feel most comfortable and stop fretting about what gay men think?

by Anonymousreply 6501/06/2015

R65 half if imdb posters are psychotic house fraus and the rest are delusional rejects from this site. Same losers posting all over the gossip sites....

by Anonymousreply 6601/06/2015

I don't care what straight folks do. At all.

by Anonymousreply 6701/06/2015

Most of the "nice guys" out there aren't actually nice, they just aren't brave enough to be mean.

So they pick partners who are.

by Anonymousreply 6801/06/2015

This is my cousin:

There are a couple other reasons too. One is drama. The man doesn't have to do any work entertaining a high maintenance spouse because she provides endless dramatics. He will never be bored and he will always feel needed, if only as a whipping boy.

Remarrying the second drama cunt shrew he divorced!

by Anonymousreply 6901/06/2015

adult children of alcoholics

by Anonymousreply 7001/06/2015

High maintenance women are Idiots.

by Anonymousreply 7101/11/2015
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