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Shitty Christmas gifts of years past

For years my family did a Secret Santa at xmas because it was much easier and cheaper than buying gifts for everyone in our big family.

Back in 1989 after all the names were picked I let everyone know that I would be very happy with the Blue Rodeo Diamond Mine CD.

Turns out my sister had my name and what she gave me for xmas was a dart board. Apparently I once said it looked like a fun game. Instead of a $16 CD she bought a fucking $40 dart board.

It sat in the box for the next few years until she and my BIL bought their first house and I gave it to them as a housewarming present. My sister's reaction? "What the hell am I suppose to do with that?"

replies 44Dec 7, 2017 12:48 PM +00:00

lol. did she even remember she had given it to you?

replies 1Dec 7, 2017 12:51 PM +00:00

Nope R1. My BIL loved it and immediately put it up.

replies 2Dec 7, 2017 12:52 PM +00:00

There was the time my parents got me Malibu Barbie instead of the Ballerina Barbie I wanted. The nerve! They had to go.

replies 3Dec 7, 2017 1:01 PM +00:00

My mother gave me a dress that she had bought for herself and never worn. It was a Michael Kors, made of spandex in an animal print, not at all my taste. It was short and tight and would have been a perfect Snooki costume. I was crying from laughing, and my mom was so offended. She kept saying, "But it's a Michael Kors!" More like Michael WHORES, Mom!

replies 4Dec 7, 2017 1:24 PM +00:00

At work we did secret Santa and some cheap ass bitch got me pot holders and an oven mitt from the dollar store. Maybe they just didn’t like me. Fuckers!

--Thread closed
replies 5Dec 7, 2017 2:00 PM +00:00

A two foot plaster statue of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

replies 6Dec 7, 2017 2:14 PM +00:00

R6, OMG, I would love that!

Nobody buys me anything.

--Christmas Moose
replies 7Dec 7, 2017 4:06 PM +00:00

I got a painting on black velvet. It got passed around on one Christmas after another for a decade. I don’t know where it wound up.

replies 8Dec 7, 2017 4:08 PM +00:00

I put myself through college because my parents didn't believe in higher education. My father didn't go to college, so why should I? My mother was a religious fanatic who believed college turned people into communists. So I put myself through school.

I was dead broke, working, studying, going to classes. I was a bag of bones because I hardly ate anything and was running around all the time. One winter it was really cold. I had to wait 45 minutes atop a windy hill in the freezing cold at night for a bus to take me home from school. I asked for a sweater for Christmas, because I only had shirts. A sweater under my jacket would help keep me warm. It was the early 70s. Fleece didn't exist yet, and down jackets hadn't been introduced in American department stores.

Christmas Day I opened my present. It was a bathrobe. A bathrobe? I wrapped a towel around myself after a shower. I didn't need a bathrobe. was huge. I held it up in front of me -- it was 6 inches past my toes. I would trip over it.

"Why did you buy me a bathrobe?" I asked. "I really need a sweater. I don't need a bathrobe. And it's the wrong size"

My mother said, "I'll have you know that's a $40 bathrobe from (name of town department store). "

"Good! Take it back. I can get two really warm sweaters for $40." (I could, too. $40 was a lot of money back then)

"I can't. I threw the receipt away."

"But they know their own merchandize. They've been in this town for 30 years. They'll take it back. It's too big for me anyway. I can't wear it, I'll fall down."

"How ungrateful you are! I've never seen anyone like you. I'm not getting you another gift. You should be glad we got you anything at all."

And that's when I realized it must have been a closeout sale. Maybe it was once marked $40, but knowing my mother, it had been marked down more than 50% and was unreturnable. She probably bought it on Christmas Eve, leaving the buying of my gift til the last minute.

I left it at the bottom of the Christmas tree in the box.

replies 9Dec 7, 2017 4:43 PM +00:00

R9, you made me sad. I hope you got your degree and things turned out better for you.

I despise parents who seem to believe as yours did. My sister and brothers in law are like that. Both are Irish, fwiw.

My Mom (German) didn’t graduate high school, but we could never throw a book away because of the Nazi book-burning. She was all for our education.

replies 10Dec 7, 2017 5:30 PM +00:00

I gave a boyfriend coal one year. Obviously I gave him other stuff, but the coal is all that is memorable now.

replies 11Dec 7, 2017 5:35 PM +00:00

My favorite from an old thread:

My aunt gave me TONS of socks she had knitted. I mean every color, size, shape, some had stars on them. One sock she knitted said "Chocolate Sista" down the damn sock.
replies 12Dec 7, 2017 5:41 PM +00:00

I wanted cha cha heels.

replies 13Dec 7, 2017 5:43 PM +00:00

I'm one of those tender to the touch people who is highly sensitive to smells. I'm known for this at my workplace, thanks to the science teacher's liberal application of Lysol wipes to every surface, which cause me to leave the lab for most of my client's class. I am also notorious for avoiding nice old ladies who douse themselves in perfumes.

Every year, I tell my coworkers not to buy me anything, because I don't celebrate Christmas. Every year, some dumb twat buys me a cloyingly fragranced bath/lotion set, which I immediately regift by the end of the work day.

--Every goddamn year.
replies 14Dec 7, 2017 6:28 PM +00:00

Try to make lemonade, R14. If you’re not allergic to lemons.

replies 15Dec 7, 2017 6:36 PM +00:00

Piss off, r15. Your eyes aren't the ones that swell shut when some CVS sale item of deplorable scent has to be carried around with you.

--When life hands you lemons, squirt them in someone's eye.
replies 16Dec 7, 2017 7:54 PM +00:00

Have you considered living in a commune or monastery, R14?

--Far away from civilization
replies 17Dec 7, 2017 8:35 PM +00:00

R9 the important thing is that you were THIN!

--And therefore, presumably, gorgeous
replies 18Dec 7, 2017 8:37 PM +00:00

Lol, quite often, r17.

replies 19Dec 7, 2017 8:41 PM +00:00

The OP is an ungrateful piece o' shit. It's not like she gave you something useless, you couldn't use like a tampon. You COULD'VE played darts, it might have been fun. Then regifting it makes you a loser.

replies 20Dec 7, 2017 11:13 PM +00:00

Secret santas at work either gave me small practical things I could use - sunblock, a cookbook - or out of this world re-gifted crap. The worst, in the last year we did this at work, was a tacky statue of an elephant. Then I realised the odd shape on the back meant it was an incense holder. I am so not someone who burns incense, so I gave it to charity.

replies 21Dec 8, 2017 2:08 AM +00:00

9 out of 10 secret Santa gifts I’ve received over the years have gone straight to charity.

replies 22Dec 8, 2017 3:11 AM +00:00

The worst Secret Santa gift ever was some guest soap set with a towel and other things. The set itself was nice but it was so old that the plastic wrap had turned a brownish yellow with blotches of dust that had become a part of the grime.

I was so pissed that I threw it in the trash at work before I left the building. I usually don’t take these things too seriously, but having to wash my hands after touching this “gift”, is officially my personal breaking point.

replies 23Dec 8, 2017 3:23 AM +00:00

Was I the only boy who LOVED getting underwear for Christmas? Loved the feel of it and the pictures of the guys on the packages.

replies 24Dec 8, 2017 5:54 AM +00:00

With their packages.

replies 25Dec 8, 2017 9:29 AM +00:00

From a bad-gifts thread at another board I hang out at:

At my job last year, my co-workers exchanged gifts. Since I was new, I didn't think they would get me a gift, but oh yes, they did.
1. A co-worker gave me an "alleged" Christmas tree ornament. It was the size of your thumb. The "ornament" was made of cotton and this cotton thing had on a red and green yarn coat, hat, and scarf with a damn broken off toothpick for the nose ... it was supposed to be a snowman. THAT CHEAP HEFFA!
2. Another co-worker gave me some blocks, yeah some blocks, and on each block there was a letter, put all the blocks together and it spelled Merry Christmas ... OK what the hell am I'm gonna do with some blocks?
3. The next co-worker gave me a ceramic candleholder in the shape of a mushroom. She had the nerve to leave the price sticker on it too. It's still in the box along with those damn blocks.
4. Another co-worker gave me some cheap champagne, I think it was Champipple.
replies 26Dec 8, 2017 9:39 AM +00:00

The owners of one job gave me a real ugly scarf one year. I left it in my locker when I left.

I've been with this guy for almost eight years now. He has a kid, who is 7, and whom I love dearly. I go out of my way to buy gifts for the kid. Things I hope he likes...

Anyway, in the 8 years, that dad has gotten me 1) a photo album, Why? 2) Platters with cows on them (I don't eat meat.) and 3) A drawling of me that he did. It's a good drawing, and I have it hanging up.

I have since decided that Christmas sucks, and I don't have the time or energy to buy anyone, except the kid gifts.

replies 27Dec 8, 2017 9:42 AM +00:00

At least you got a ‘drawling’

replies 28Dec 8, 2017 10:35 AM +00:00

R27, what Dad? Line 4.

replies 29Dec 8, 2017 11:09 AM +00:00

I had to buy some last minute gift for this secret santa bullshit we're having at my new job - I barely know these people (started in August) well I got the guy a toilet mug and a black t-shirt that says THIS MAP SUCKS (graphic of a girl blowing a guy disguised as a map), that'll work.

replies 30Dec 8, 2017 11:48 AM +00:00

One year I received some very cheap moisturiser from my work Secret Santa. It had sample written on it so clearly it had been free with whatever she'd bought for herself. Not to mention Im a guy who was in his mid 20s at the time and didn't need "Age spot minimising cream" plus it looked like it had been sitting in the back of her bathroom for years since it had dust on the lid. The gift was only meant to be around $10. Hardly going to break the bank, but she was even too cheap for that. I worked out pretty quickly who it was. She, by the way, received an expensive bottle of perfume and bitched she didn't like it to anyone who would listen, offending the lovely older lady who'd bought it for her. The following year, as luck would have it, I drew her name out for secret Santa . I knew the moisturiser was still sitting inside the drawer of a desk no one used where I'd thrown it the year before. I wrapped it in lots of tissue paper and a big ribbon and watched her face fall with disappointment when she opened it. She had the audacity to be pissed off. She hissed to the person next to her "it says sample on it!" And then the penny dropped. She couldn't even look at me.

I know it's all very petty but she was a piece of work. The kind of person who expected a big fuss on her birthday but would never even sign the card for someone else's birthday, roll her eyes if anyone's good work was acknowledged and just negative all of the time. She was exhausting. When she left everyone was very relieved. And I heard she still hates me. Lol.

replies 31Dec 8, 2017 11:54 AM +00:00

I expect your secret Santa r30 will be posting here shortly. That gift is awful.

--Could have just bought him a box of chocolates.
replies 32Dec 8, 2017 11:56 AM +00:00

I got a cd of Gershwin songs. Not bad but just not me. I knew who’d given it, a really nice woman in IT, so I made a point to talk about what a great gift it was in her hearing. I did that because I knew she’d asked a lot of people what sort of things I liked and someone had told her Gershwin for some reason.

Another year I got a T shirt emblazoned with the name of the local pizza place.

replies 33Dec 8, 2017 12:03 PM +00:00

A few years ago, a teacher I worked with got 2 giftbaskets full of low rate Elvis stuff- mugs with the print askew, suspiciously colored BBQ sauce with the King emblazoned on the label, etc. Everything looked old and cheap. He received them while we were all in the classroom to see. He hated me, and the next day I found one of the Elvis baskets on my desk. I hate Elvis. Everyone else got Starbucks gift cards.

--At least it wasn't fragranced.
replies 34Dec 8, 2017 12:45 PM +00:00

I don't like the Secret Santa thing. I remember when I worked as a nurse's aide, the nursing home had a secret Santa thing with a $5 limit (early 2000s). What are the odds you can get someone something for $5 that they'll actually like, and receive something you'd like in return? I didn't participate. I imagine everyone gave/recieved tiny, fragranced hand lotion or small Glade candles. Potholders would have been the best thing anyone could have recieved.

replies 35Dec 8, 2017 1:28 PM +00:00

When I was 27, my wealthy grandma spent a good month telling each grandchild what a big gift they had coming at Christmas. No one expected anything but we figured it must be some money or something. Yet no one felt entitled to anything.

Come Christmas, we're all sitting there and open envelopes: our gift was a "flock of geese" or a donkey for some family in sheer hell somewhere; she gave a bunch of money to some fundie missionary place in our names. "You're all too old for Christmas presents." I wasn't arguing, but why the Bette Davis "Anniversary Party" impression?

I didn't care about not getting the money, it was more her glee and weirdness in teaching us all the real meaning of Christmas. We were all nearly 30 by then.

replies 36Dec 8, 2017 1:39 PM +00:00

I love you, r31

replies 37Dec 8, 2017 1:48 PM +00:00

My sister in law is a dear but they are cheap. One Christmas, I got 2¢ stamps. But there were 20 of them, so that’s nice. There were also some other, forgettable chatska. It all was probably worth $5 in total, and completely depersonalized.. It gets tiresome after 20 years.

One relative gives cookies in a really nice box. Both are great. I really like the box, frankly. It is probably also about $5, excluding the nice box, but I really appreciate the nice effort.

Anyway, the stamps, which I found useful over a few years, really were the worst of the worst.

My late Dad played ball for the minors. The Brooklyn Dodgers. In those days there was a scout who would take photos of the players and send the photos and info to the team to promote the talented players. It happens that the photographer had just died and his collection of photos were all on sale. My bro bought a couple negatives, and gave us all images at Xmas. That was a really nice gift. Not practical, but really nice. Unknowingly, he was bidding against my sister! What are the chances of that! One of my fav gifts.

--Take the good with the bad.
replies 38Dec 11, 2017 11:23 AM +00:00

I had gotten my family accustomed to me not wanting to buy or receive gifts for Christma. Then my brother got married, and former sister in law made such a big deal about that that I was shamed into participating all over again. I'd put together a nice gift basket of some her favorite brands (stuff I'd never use myself) and every year, I'd get a cheap gag gift, always with a Grinch design. Grinch underwear, a Grinch necktie, a plastic Grinch Christmas ornament. The were all put into the box for Goodwill right after they left for the evening.

Anyway, a few months ago, I went out for lunch with my brother, and we were both venting a bit about his ex-wife, and I brought up how much I hated those gag Grinch gifts, and had never kept any of them. He got a stricken look on his face, and told me that HE was the one who picked them all out. Whoopsie!

replies 39Dec 11, 2017 2:02 PM +00:00

Back in 1992 my brother asked what I wanted for Christmas. I was always fascinated by Al Capone and a book had been published about him called "Mr. Capone". I told my brother I would like to have that, if he was asking what I wanted. Instead he gave me a huge book about exotic cars. I wasn't interested in cars so the book sat on my shelf until my nephew saw it and I said he could have it.

replies 40Dec 12, 2017 6:51 AM +00:00

A relative gave me a sweater. It was really ugly and made of some cheap material and didn't even fit. I saw a local retarded guy wearing the exact same sweater. That year we had decided to pair families to exchange gifts because there were so many people on both sides that it was getting to be too much work. The paired families were supposedly to give "better" gifts this year because they really had less to buy. Anyway I was a kid and still loved getting gifts and I hated the arrangement and obviously got paired with the worst gift givers. I still haven't gotten over the sweater, even the arms were different lengths.

replies 41Dec 12, 2017 7:32 AM +00:00

I've had an Amazon wishlist for over a dozen years. My friends get it. My family doesn't. "Enough with what you say you like. I'll pick out what I think you like." Please, no, not if you live far away. My wishlist is for your convenience!

replies 42Dec 12, 2017 7:36 AM +00:00
THIS MAP SUCKS (graphic of a girl blowing a guy disguised as a map)

That makes absolutely no logical sense.

--Not a Vulcan, but that makes absolutely no logical sense.
replies 43Dec 12, 2017 7:45 AM +00:00

My bro got my name as a gift giver and said “Great, that means I’ll get a good gift.” That made me feel nice. He did get a good gift, though I’ve forgotten what.

Gifts are the whole point of being alive. Making other people happy with something thoughtful.

replies 44Dec 12, 2017 9:29 AM +00:00