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Eggnog Causes Me Terrible Flatulence and I Can’t Bottom When I Drink It

But I love it sooo much. I only drink it for a month or two out of the year. Should I choose eggnog over sex with my boyfriend?
replies 83Dec 6, 2017 5:04 PM +00:00

Have you tried a Dutch Oven?

--Ernest Borgnine's ghost pulling a cloud over Ethel Merman's ghost
replies 1Dec 6, 2017 5:06 PM +00:00

Eggnog is gross. Like drinking sludge.

replies 2Dec 6, 2017 5:07 PM +00:00

Lactose intolerance? Try this...

replies 3Dec 6, 2017 5:12 PM +00:00

Try SoDelicious eggnog. I used to love real eggnog but I think SoDelicious is waaay better and it’s coconut milk instead of cows milk. You’d never know though, it doesn’t taste like coconut at all and is super rich and thick. Can find it in many(most?) grocery stores these days.

replies 4Dec 6, 2017 5:14 PM +00:00

I tried that stuff. I even have a digestive enzyme supplement that includes lactase, and still I get the toots out my caboose.

replies 5Dec 6, 2017 5:15 PM +00:00

So delish this time of year. I'd give up taking it up the shit shute for some nice thick cream. Besides, I'm sure your top is tired of you.

--Bottom's up!
replies 6Dec 6, 2017 5:22 PM +00:00
and is super rich and thick

Gross! That's the worst part of eggnog.

replies 7Dec 6, 2017 5:23 PM +00:00

Rick and thick and creamy and sugary. And yellow. Yummy yummy yum.

replies 8Dec 6, 2017 5:26 PM +00:00

I drank me an entire carton a few days ago. Jealous, bitches?

replies 9Dec 6, 2017 5:27 PM +00:00

Very, R9.

replies 10Dec 6, 2017 5:27 PM +00:00

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I'm taking the whole family to Maui!

--R9's plumber
replies 11Dec 6, 2017 5:27 PM +00:00

Eggnog is some nasty shit.

replies 12Dec 6, 2017 5:28 PM +00:00

OP, if you douche with warm eggnog it will serve as a homeopathic balance for the rest of your dietary tract and you won't fart as much.

And if you make sure to have rum or brandy or whisky or whiskey in it, you'll also clean out some of those parasites you've been harboring. Those poor things are the canaries in the colon mine when your noxiousness is rumbling through. Put them out of their misery.

replies 13Dec 6, 2017 5:38 PM +00:00

You sound like a whore. Egg nog!???

replies 14Dec 6, 2017 5:41 PM +00:00

Yes, nothing signals "whore" like egg nog.

Poor thing, r14.

replies 15Dec 6, 2017 5:43 PM +00:00

I think they make non-dairy egg nog from almond milk, too.

replies 16Dec 6, 2017 5:46 PM +00:00
Yes, nothing signals "whore" like egg nog.

Except dressing like one.

--Dame Angie — I use it to wash down my Bufferin tablets
replies 17Dec 6, 2017 5:47 PM +00:00

Trader Joe's has an Egg Nog Liquor. It's not creamy but it tastes just like real egg nog. Maybe that will spare your spouse.

Offsite Link
replies 18Dec 6, 2017 5:48 PM +00:00

Repulsive. What cunt would drink almond-milk egg nog?

replies 19Dec 6, 2017 5:48 PM +00:00

Someone who doesn't want to have a gunt.

replies 20Dec 6, 2017 5:49 PM +00:00

That's what tape worms are for, r20.

--Down the hatch!
replies 21Dec 6, 2017 5:51 PM +00:00

I agree with R3, you're probably lactose intolerant and taking a Lactaid supplement before drinking the eggnog will probably prevent your problems. The CVS generic is cheaper and just as effective.

replies 22Dec 6, 2017 5:51 PM +00:00

I don’t like anything “generic.”

replies 23Dec 6, 2017 5:54 PM +00:00

Except dick, right, r23?

replies 24Dec 6, 2017 5:55 PM +00:00
I don’t like anything “generic.”

Other than the white guys in Jockey shorts you jerk off to.

replies 25Dec 6, 2017 5:58 PM +00:00
Yes, nothing signals "whore" like egg nog.
Except dressing like one.

How do you dress like an egg nog?

replies 26Dec 6, 2017 6:01 PM +00:00

Then buy the brand name, r23, Lactaid. It totally works for lactose intolerance, if that is your problem.

I've had a few unsatisfactory experiences with generics but most of the time they are just as good. I always give them a try and if they don't work as well, which is rare, then I do stick with the brand name.

replies 27Dec 6, 2017 6:02 PM +00:00

I've seen your boyfriend. Choose the eggnog.

replies 28Dec 6, 2017 6:02 PM +00:00

R26 In beige sprinkled with nutmeg.

replies 29Dec 6, 2017 6:02 PM +00:00

You can't bottom when you drink eggnog? Who could?

Drinking eggnog while bottoming isn't going to work for you or your top, OP. Obviously.

replies 30Dec 6, 2017 6:03 PM +00:00

OP you are a gross pig. boyfriend my ass you ibs slutface.

replies 31Dec 6, 2017 6:04 PM +00:00

r31, on his fifth glass.

replies 32Dec 6, 2017 6:06 PM +00:00

When bottoming, one drinks mulled whine.

replies 33Dec 6, 2017 6:06 PM +00:00

The proper way to imbibe egg nog is chugging right from the carton.

replies 34Dec 6, 2017 6:07 PM +00:00

One can drink anything one wants, R33, but if one does it while one is bottoming, it's going to be messy.

And whatever you do, nothing carbonated. That's just going to cause problems.

replies 35Dec 6, 2017 6:07 PM +00:00

R31 here. Nog me.
replies 36Dec 6, 2017 6:08 PM +00:00

Real egg nog with raw egg yolks and bourbon is great.

--Liza with a z
replies 37Dec 6, 2017 6:19 PM +00:00

r3 got it right

replies 38Dec 6, 2017 6:34 PM +00:00

R3 was close but Lactaid makes actual eggnog. It should be even better than the pills for a lactose-intolerant individual.
replies 39Dec 6, 2017 6:48 PM +00:00

Do you really have to drink eggnog within a week of opening it?

replies 40Dec 6, 2017 6:53 PM +00:00

OP, if you don't offer up your ass to your top, he will get hole from someone else.

--Give up the eggnog.
replies 41Dec 6, 2017 6:53 PM +00:00

So much for decking the halls!

replies 42Dec 6, 2017 7:03 PM +00:00

Shitting the halls, more like.

replies 43Dec 6, 2017 7:05 PM +00:00

You drink eggnog two months out of the year, OP? I can barely handle half a cup on Christmas Eve.

replies 44Dec 6, 2017 7:14 PM +00:00

Egg nog haters gotta hate. What do YOU wash down your PrEP with, r44? Vodka?

replies 45Dec 6, 2017 7:20 PM +00:00

"I never waste primo vodka washing down my PrEP. That's why God made gin, honey."

--Anastasia Beaverhausen
replies 46Dec 6, 2017 7:23 PM +00:00

Drink more eggnog and practice. Soon you'll be tooting "Jingle Bells" out your rear and you'll be the hit of the party.

replies 47Dec 6, 2017 7:24 PM +00:00

Vodka is for whores. A gin egg nog spritzer--now that's wishing you a Merry Christmas.

replies 48Dec 6, 2017 7:27 PM +00:00

Real egg nog makes my poop soft, fluffy, and yellow.

replies 49Dec 6, 2017 7:33 PM +00:00

We make the very best Eggnog.

--Miss Mamie and Miss Emily Baldwin
replies 50Dec 6, 2017 7:41 PM +00:00

JohnBoy could never properly bottom at Xmas. He had to wait until Valentine's.

replies 51Dec 6, 2017 7:45 PM +00:00

R40 You can freeze it.

replies 52Dec 6, 2017 7:48 PM +00:00

Frozen egg nog. That's living.

replies 53Dec 6, 2017 7:50 PM +00:00

Have an eggnog, Mr. Goldstone!

--Mama Rose
replies 54Dec 6, 2017 7:52 PM +00:00

Use your other fun hole, Miss OP!

replies 55Dec 6, 2017 8:02 PM +00:00

Give up bottoming for the holidays. Drink away. By the way, egg nog is fattening and full of cholesterol.

replies 56Dec 6, 2017 8:03 PM +00:00

News Flash, from cunt r56.

replies 57Dec 6, 2017 8:08 PM +00:00

Thoroughly lace your eggnog with good bourbon (or Southern Comfort if you're sharing with your neighbors in the trailer park).

replies 58Dec 6, 2017 8:10 PM +00:00

Shorter R13:

Shove it up your ass.

replies 59Dec 6, 2017 8:42 PM +00:00

I'm making these egg nog cupcakes for a party this weekend.

replies 60Dec 6, 2017 8:50 PM +00:00

OP you sound like a whiny little lactose intolerant bitch. Drink a non-dairy egg nog or nothing at all. We're not meant to drink milk after we are weaned. The non dairy ones are really good. The thing about egg nog that makes it delicious is the spices/flavoring in it... All you anti vegan fucks can go fuck yourselves too..

replies 61Dec 6, 2017 8:56 PM +00:00
OP you sound like a whiny little lactose intolerant bitch.

That’s exactly what I am.

replies 62Dec 7, 2017 12:44 AM +00:00

Easy solution here is to switch roles with your boyfriend during the egg nog months.

replies 63Dec 7, 2017 2:33 AM +00:00

Or enjoy your eggnog, continue to bottom, and film the ensuing hilarity for the amusement of your fellow Dataloungers.

replies 64Dec 7, 2017 2:45 AM +00:00

OP, if life hands you eggnog - make fart porn.

--Michael Lucas.
replies 65Dec 7, 2017 3:12 AM +00:00

Try a hi powered supplement lke MRM IC, there is enough probiotic and enzyme in there to flatten out the biggest gas bubbles. Take it regularly, and well in advance of sex. Not the night of!

replies 66Dec 7, 2017 3:17 AM +00:00

I hate bottoms who fart when I'm fucking them. Loose hole hos

replies 67Dec 7, 2017 3:52 AM +00:00

So many "loose holes"? Or just one angry little needle dick.

replies 68Dec 7, 2017 4:10 AM +00:00
Should I choose eggnog over sex with my boyfriend?

Please include said boyfriend in this decision.

--His opinion matters you know.
replies 69Dec 7, 2017 4:11 AM +00:00
So many "loose holes"? Or just one angry little needle dick.

A bit of both. Haven't met a hole lately that wasn't on the loose side. But then admittedly I'm not very girthy.

I should add that I do like a somewhat loose fit. .

replies 70Dec 7, 2017 10:16 PM +00:00

70 posts filled with people bitching about one another and egg nog.

Happy Holidays, Datalounge Style.

replies 71Dec 8, 2017 3:52 AM +00:00

I can't believe what DL has become .............

replies 72Dec 8, 2017 3:55 AM +00:00

Egg Nog is gross.

Though I am also lactose intolerant, so can't handle it anyway.

replies 73Dec 8, 2017 3:59 AM +00:00

Take a Lactaid and a Beano and you'll be fine.

replies 74Dec 8, 2017 5:04 AM +00:00

As far as BO goes, only asians don't smell. Indians whites Latinos blacks all smell very strong.

replies 75Dec 8, 2017 5:15 AM +00:00

Sorry wrong thread.

replies 76Dec 8, 2017 5:16 AM +00:00

Those look delicious, R60.

replies 77Dec 8, 2017 5:18 AM +00:00

That fucking Lactaid eggnog is so good. I just downed a carton of it like it was a bottle of spring water.

--Why am I fat?
replies 78Dec 12, 2017 1:48 PM +00:00
I Can’t Bottom When I Drink It

Well who can? You'd spill it all over the sheets!

replies 79Dec 12, 2017 5:04 PM +00:00

Coconut milk egg nog. creamy, rich, delicious and just as fattening as regular dairy, but the fat is easily digested. you won't taste the difference.

replies 80Dec 30, 2017 5:27 AM +00:00

Dear Lord in Heaven!

--Concerned External Sphincter Team Mom
replies 81Dec 30, 2017 6:49 AM +00:00
Or enjoy your eggnog, continue to bottom, and film the ensuing hilarity for the amusement of your fellow Dataloungers.

America's Shittiest Home Videos

--Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!
replies 82Dec 30, 2017 8:52 AM +00:00

This is the best time of year because : EGGNOG ON CEREAL EVERY MORNING FOR SIX WEEKS!

replies 83Dec 30, 2017 9:08 AM +00:00