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How do you gently tell a friend that it may be time...

To have his cats put to sleep?

One of them has at least two chronic health conditions, and another appears to be quite ill, but the vet doesn't know exactly what's wrong. He's spending a small fortune, and is in a constant state of worry over it. The cats' quality of life can't be good. I'm sure he'd think I was horrible for suggesting it, but I really think it's time to consider it. I'm surprised the vet hasn't brought it up.

--Anonymous
replies 39Dec 5, 2017 2:41 PM +00:00

I have had this conversation with a friend about a dog. Basically, an animal hides most of its pain and discomfort so if there is any being shown you can guarantee that what the animal is actually feeling is significantly higher. At some point, it is purely selfish to keep an animal alive and frankly cruel. you do as much as you can and then be grateful that you were able to share the animal's lifetime and that they were loved. there are many that never had that.

--rescue chick
replies 1Dec 5, 2017 2:47 PM +00:00

OP why don't you mind your own business. people like you make me sick.

--Anonymous
replies 2Dec 5, 2017 2:54 PM +00:00

OP, mind your own business.

--Anonymous
replies 3Dec 5, 2017 3:01 PM +00:00

You don't. Don't interfere. He knows the cat is sick, let him do for his little friend as he wants. He'll never forget your advice and you'll be the guy in favor of the death of a little animal forevermore.

--Anonymous
replies 4Dec 5, 2017 3:04 PM +00:00

Why does this remind me of Of Mice and Men ?

--Anomynous
replies 5Dec 5, 2017 3:06 PM +00:00

Tell him. Seriously. Letting the pet go is the kinder thing.

To this day I have tremendous guilt about not letting a pet of mine go sooner. I was in complete denial about how bad off she was. She was in serious pain from a chronic condition for 2 years. When I look back I don't understand my own behavior. How could I have not realized how bad off she was? But I loved her so much and I had never put an animal down as an adult. I didn't even know denial could be an issue. And as someone said above, part of it too is animals don't display pain and discomfort like humans do and it is easy to look at their behavior and think they are doing okay

I had to put a pet down this August. I am incredibly grateful my vet told me it was time. Not all vets will do that. I'm sure they have their reasons and I'm sure some are valid. But depending on the vet to let the client know "when it's time" isn't the best plan, imo.

--Anonymous
replies 6Dec 5, 2017 4:05 PM +00:00

You don't. What makes you think he hasn't had this conversation with the vet?

--Anonymous
replies 7Dec 5, 2017 4:35 PM +00:00

Mind your own business. I doubt very much you are telling him anything he doesn't know.

--Anonymous
replies 8Dec 5, 2017 4:58 PM +00:00

If he has had multiple, and recent trips to the Vet, the Vet has most likely advised him. Don't give your opinion unless asked.

I have a 17 yo dog. He has joint issues, takes medications. He has trouble holding bowl movements. His eyesight is poor. His appetite is excellent. Some days he's eager to walk outside which is a pleasure for him. I carry him up and down the steps. Yep, more work for me, but I don't mind. I have two younger dogs. They all get along. When I decide it is time, I will discuss it with the Vet.

--Anonymous
replies 9Dec 5, 2017 5:44 PM +00:00

Slip a little rubbing alcohol in the cat's water when he's not looking.

--Kitty Dukakis
replies 10Dec 5, 2017 5:47 PM +00:00

I have a 9-yr. old who sleeps way too much, and I've witnessed a couple seizures. She's very sweet but is borderline feral- I would never even get her into a carrier. She would be traumatized at the Vet (some literature says anti-seizure meds are worse on them than the seizure itself).

She doesn't seem to be in any pain. If she is dying, I want her to die at home.

--Anonymous
replies 11Dec 5, 2017 5:52 PM +00:00

I just don’t understand paying money for medicine to treat an animal with a chronic condition that’s simply not going to get better. In my day, this was unheard of. You’d simply have it put to sleep.

Actually, in a farming community such as one I grew up in, you’d take it behind the shed and shoot it, but that’s probably unconscionable to all the Yankees who post here.

--Anonymous
replies 12Dec 5, 2017 5:54 PM +00:00

You'll have to fuck him

--Anonymous
replies 13Dec 5, 2017 5:57 PM +00:00

R12, money is not everything.

--Anonymous
replies 14Dec 5, 2017 6:26 PM +00:00

Dunno how you know the vet hasn't mentioned it.

By coincidence, a friend is starting to go down this road, mentioned recently that his vet, who he likes, had recently said something very gentle about it. 'Twas something like "There can come a time with some pets that...," which my friend angrily resisted.

His cat sounds decidedly unwell and I can't begin to count the no. of vet trips he's made w. this animal.

So he related that and I didn't know WTF to say, said something like, "Unfortunately she's right; it can be cruel if an animal is clearly suffering."

But I wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't been more or less prompted.

--Anonymous
replies 15Dec 5, 2017 6:40 PM +00:00

You could research home euthanasia services in your area, and have that info ready for when your friend decides to face reality. A friend had to have a dog put to sleep recently. The service came to the house and gave them dog a sedative. After it took effect, then they administered the shot. No fear, no pain, at home with someone who loves you. I hope I'll be so lucky.

--Anonymous
replies 16Dec 5, 2017 6:48 PM +00:00

Yeah, my ex did that with his dog. I was there too. Dog left happy among friends. Highly recommended.

--Anonymous
replies 17Dec 5, 2017 6:50 PM +00:00

Your friend knows his pets best. Surely the vet is advising him. Only give your opinion if asked. My vet told me my senior kitty would die of lymphoma within a year. Instead I switched vets and he handled chemo like a champ and lived 3 more high quality years before I had him put to sleep here at home to spare him that last trip to the vet.

--Anonymous
replies 18Dec 5, 2017 6:50 PM +00:00

^gave THE dog a sedative.

Anyway, it would be nice for you to take care of the details. Who wants to be shopping around at such an emotional time.

--Anonymous
replies 19Dec 5, 2017 6:51 PM +00:00

There's only one "operation on the brain"!

media.giphy.com
--Anonymous
replies 20Dec 5, 2017 6:53 PM +00:00

I work at a large veterinary clinic. We have six veterinarians. Some are comfortable telling a client "it's time", and others have a more difficult time saying that. Nothing gets us more upset than seeing a pet clearing suffering, and the owner can't see it. They keep pet alive for selfish reasons. If the dog or cat is eating and otherwise happy, then enjoy your days with them. As a pet owner, you owe them the compassion to say goodbye when it time. Humans should be so fortunate.

--VetGirl
replies 21Dec 5, 2017 6:57 PM +00:00

I've been there. 3 cats and now just one. In both cases the vets did not suggest euthanasia. My opinion is that it cuts into their billing. It's more profitable to keep them under care. Disgusting but true. Only when I got a second opinion with a vet who came recommended did she suggest it. It won't happen again. If your pet has major illness you need to make the decision otherwise your bait.

My partner had a dog who got the worst kind of cancer. He was devastated. She was a great pet and so I poured over every research article I could find regarding treatment. Everything said death in 6 weeks with or without treatment. When we met with a highly respected vet in Los Angeles he told us all about the disease and everything he said was what I had had researched except the 6 week prognosis. He said we could expect 6 months. I hadn't read that anywhere, but I didn't say anything because my partner was elated that he would have more time. We spent $10,000 on chemo and radiation and she was dead 6 weeks later. On the day we took her home the very established and prominent vet care facility wanted us to keep her there one more day, at a cost of $1000/day. We contacted a vet who came to our house that night and put her down.

Vets are to be scrutinized. To assume they all have your best interests is dumb. They bill.

--Anonymous
replies 22Dec 5, 2017 7:05 PM +00:00

This is part of the contract we make with a pet. I found it difficult to know what to do with my last cat. He wasn't eating much, and was losing weight, but was still cuddly and happy in my presence. And then, like the perfect cat he was, he died in his sleep, sparing me the decision.

--Anonymous
replies 23Dec 5, 2017 7:15 PM +00:00
'Twas something like

Mary!

--Are you an 18th-century Quaker?
replies 24Dec 5, 2017 7:52 PM +00:00

Remind your friend that there are probably dozens of young healthy cats up for adoption who need a good home!

...or you can turn the page.

www.pets4homes.co.uk
--Anonymous
replies 25Dec 5, 2017 8:58 PM +00:00
I just don’t understand paying money for medicine to treat an animal with a chronic condition that’s simply not going to get better.

Sometimes you don't know without expensive treatment (like chemo, x-rays, lab tests, etc.) whether your baby is going to get better. It wasn't until over a month of incredibly expensive treatment that our vet was finally sure and told us that Duffy was actually responding to the chemo but not well enough. The dosage would have to be increased to a level that itself would be lethal. We understood and let our beloved Scotty go.

--Anonymous
replies 26Dec 5, 2017 9:34 PM +00:00

I did it in relation to my brother in law's dog. She was like his daughter, which made it harder, but she had such limited quality of life. Later he said he regretted not having her put down sooner as her last days were miserable.

I got the courage to do it from seeing another, very similar situation where the poor dog was in total pain for his last days. I'd give anything to change that but he wasn't my dog and I had no say. OP, it's cruel not to say something.

--Anonymous
replies 27Dec 5, 2017 10:23 PM +00:00

Just buy a cat that looks like the sick one and replace it. He won't know the difference.

--Anonymous
replies 28Dec 5, 2017 10:39 PM +00:00

Just go over to him and say "Your cat's on the roof and we can't get him down."

--Anonymous
replies 29Dec 5, 2017 10:40 PM +00:00

Do you think he doesn't know about euthanasia as an option? Basically, you want to give him your opinion about his cat's prognosis, based upon your personal feelings and intuition.

Have you gone to the vet with him because you are such a caring friend or are you just a backseat driver? MYOB.

--Ann Fucking Landers
replies 30Dec 5, 2017 10:44 PM +00:00

Brace yourself, R24. We are mere hours from being assaulted with: “...To you, and yours!” greetings.

Words never used the other 11.5 months of the year.

--Anonymous
replies 31Dec 5, 2017 11:32 PM +00:00

Uh...you don't. The end.

--Anonymous
replies 32Dec 5, 2017 11:59 PM +00:00

My experience with vets is they always say "it's your decision." So no help there. But in my opinion it's always better to do it sooner than later so the pet doesn't suffer.

--Anonymous
replies 33Dec 6, 2017 3:48 AM +00:00

I’ve had several cats with cancer and ended up putting them all down. The first one, the vet guilted me into spending thousands I REALLY didn’t have for chemo and within six months the cancer was back, the cat was in severe pain, and I had to put her down anyway. At the time I had little money and it took years to pay it off. You damn betcha vets will sell you a bill of goods to clean out your wallet.

A friend’s cat had cancer, but she was like OP’s friend and paying through the nose, money she couldn’t afford, because the vet was milking her dry. They tried guilt trips, the cat could live for years (cat was sixteen), you name it. She spent thousands and the cat suffered for no reason. The cat hated taking meds and fought and hid every day, multiple times a day. She had no quality of life and looked at her owner as a source of pain and suffering by the end.

My last one had cancer and when the vet started up with, let’s do chemo, as soon as she started feeling pain, I put her to sleep. I’ve never seen chemo substantially make a difference in the time lived. These are animals that can’t understand what’s happening. Protect them from suffering and let them go. It’s your responsibility as an owner. Fuck the vet, they’d put an animal through untold agony for money and tell you you’re the bad one for not letting it happen.

--Five cats with cancer.
replies 34Dec 6, 2017 5:20 AM +00:00
Sometimes you don't know without expensive treatment (like chemo, x-rays, lab tests, etc.) whether your baby is going to get better.

There's your problem.

A pet is not and will never be "your baby." It's fucked up to think otherwise.

--Anonymous
replies 35Dec 6, 2017 6:15 AM +00:00

If a pet needs chemo, I’m having it put to sleep. It’s ridiculous to 1) put an animal through that when it can’t understand what’s happening, and 2) spend exorbitant amounts of money on that level of medical care on a creature than has a normal lifespan of less than two decades.

--Anonymous
replies 36Dec 6, 2017 10:52 AM +00:00

R1 Have to disagree. A dog does not hide it's pain. As an owner you should be quick to spot if there's a problem-physical manifestations, not eating, quiet, dry nose, going to a dark area,etc. I'm fortunate in that I have a large area in which my 3 dogs can roam, and on average they will live from 12-16 years. If the problem is cancer, the best thing to do is to have the vet euthanize it. A good friend had a 14 yo Labrador which developed multiple growths. The vet offered "organic chemotherapy", at a cost of almost $10k. I simply told him he was being taken for an expensive ride and to euthanize the dog. Eventually he did. If you want to spend large amounts of money on an animal's health, I would hope that you spend an equal amount looking after those fellow humans less fortunate. OP best thing to do is to tell your pal that the quality of life of his cats is not good, he's being selfish, and that there is some young pussy waiting for a loving home which he can offer.

--Anonymous
replies 37Dec 6, 2017 11:04 AM +00:00

Mrs Slocombe ^^

--Anonymous
replies 38Dec 6, 2017 12:36 PM +00:00

I always look after my pussy!

Mollie Sugden (1922-2009) was an English comedy actress, best known for portraying the saleswoman Mrs. Slocombe in the British sitcom Are You Being Served?. ...
YouTube
--Anonymous
replies 39Dec 7, 2017 10:53 AM +00:00