Ever been in a situation where someone just doesn't want you to eat any of the food?
Ever been in a situation where someone just doesn't want you to eat any of the food?
This happened to me this weekend. The host bought fried chicken and potatoes for four. There were 15 people there.
Last week, I offered to bring a side and was told no one wanted one. My partner and I left hungry and stopped to eat on the way home.
I brought and ate a piece of my cheesecake.
The appetizers were one bag of potato chips, not even family size and the drinks consisted of tiny bottled waters.
This was a birthday celebration for five adults born this week and extra friends/guests. I was one of the birthdays, obviously never again.
I forgot to mention that I have hosted this group many times and served abundant and good food and drink.
Are they cheap or anorexia? It was takeout chicken for Christ's sake.
My mother used to announce FHB for her parties(Family Hold Back)
I've gone to Thanksgiving and Xmas get-togethers where they announce, "We just put the turkey in!". And they have some chips or candies out.
Buh-bye. I ain't sitting around your farty place for 4 1/2 hours.
Family Hold Back?
R6 as in don't touch anything, kids, until all guests have been plenished
R7, your mother was a proper hostess.
At the last birthday party my sister had for one of her kids she invited the whole family of 18 to her house for a home cooked meal because that's what my niece wanted.
My sister's home cooked meal consisted of a roast chicken that that as roughly the size of a pigeon, a box of Stovetop stuffing and one can of Delmonte corn.
For 18 people.
My former boss would buy 2 whole chicken meals (enough for 8) for his 7 employees but if you didn't serve yourself within 10 min of him unpacking it, he would load it back into his car and take it home. For his dinner presumably. I always hated that cuz some guys would be busy with customers or finishing up on a car that they wouldn't get any lunch.
I have a friend who is married with 2 kids and his wife is waaaaaay weird about food when they entertain. I blame her because my friend is skinny and never made a fuss for food but knew enough to provide it when he entertained;she on the other hand just seems controlling about it.
They had me and my partner over for a “bbq” this summer. We had our choice of a hot dog OR a hamburger. No cheese was offered for burgers. Sides were one bag salad which was just lettuce and shredded carrots, and a small deli container of potato salad. For 4 adults and 2kids. No dessert, even though we offered to bring something and specifically mentioned dessert, which we were told was “not needed.” I took that to mean they were already providing it, but I guess they literally meant no one “needs” dessert. Okay....
I imagine meals are served with more joy in your average prison. We were starving when we left and picked up a pizza on the way home.
My ex (who is a bear) would eat before I arrived. I'd see the dirty dishes in the sink.
Whenever he offered me a drink the glass would have ice up to the top, only room for a little liquid.
We could never go to a restaurant without a 2-for-1 coupon.
I had an uncle who was married to a food miser. The worst thing was that they were multi-millionaires yet any time you were invited to their home for dinner she would only let the lady who cooked for them prepare one serving of each item for each person. My mother used to say eating at their house was like eating at a restaurant that was having money trouble. If you wanted extra helpings you had better be prepared to pay for them.
So why are people doing this if they are thin and don't have money problems?
Hoo, boy, you asked for it...
My niece, having divorced her starter husband, was getting married again. This time the wedding and reception would be at the groom's parents' home, out in the boondocks.
I'd made the cake for her first wedding and she just assumed that I'd do it again...so she never asked me. We all got an unpleasant surprise two days before the wedding when her mom phoned me to say she was on the way to pick up the cake. "What cake?" Another sister offered to make it last-minute. She brought it down to niece's parents-in-law house to decorate it. It turns out these people were literal trailer trash, a bunch of drunks. They got my sister so wasted drinking with them that the tiered cake ended up tilted to one side, the frosting was deep brown, and the flowers were brilliant orange and yellow. Absolutely pathetic, but that's what you get for getting your cake decorator drunk beforehand.
Since it was an at-home wedding, she'd asked to make it a potluck. Everyone on our side of the family got busy cooking. We arrived with our guests and our food. One of her future SILs grabbed the food and took it inside. Two of our elderly guests needed to use the bathroom, and that's when we were told that the only bathroom was in the trailer, and none of the guests were allowed inside. I had to drive the old people into town to use the bathroom at the gas station. The family's excuse for their rudeness: one of their sons was a meth head and a thief, and since they couldn't let him inside the trailer, nobody was allowed inside.
Then the entire wedding party disappeared to take photos. I mean they all climbed into cars and drove off. In the meantime, we guests were hungry and thirsty. So, we went to get something to eat and drink - and that's when the MIL and SIL stood over the food - OUR food that we'd made and brought - and told us nobody could have anything until after the party got back and the service was over. Fuck that! I elbowed them aside, a sister joined me, and we began serving the guests a few nibblies just to tide everyone over.
The wedding party returns an hour later. The back yard has an above-ground pool and a bunch of folding chairs in rows. I'm assisting my elderly mom and another old lady to sit up near the front when the MIL gallops over and very rudely tells them to go sit in the back. The front rows are reserved for 'family', she says. At that point we all got into it with her, and my mother angrily insisted on sitting in the back.
The wedding party assembles. The groom's best man failed to show for the wedding, so at the last minute the bride's brother was asked to stand in. He's a short guy. The bride's charming MIL loudly says to her son's bride, "My god! I never knew you had a DWARF in the family!"
And then everybody blew up. The bride was in tears, the grandma was sitting in the back row, and the short best man is furious, and their mother is ready to duke it out with this trashy woman.
We get through the ceremony and FFS, right afterward the wedding party takes off again. We sat at the outdoor tables, waiting for the champagne to be poured and the buffet to open, only to be rudely told once again that our food and drink is being held until the equally rude wedding party returns.
At that point, our entire side of the family, plus our guests, had had enough. We rose en masse, walked to our cars, and drove the hour and a half back to civilization.
I understand when the wedding party returned, the bride cried. Tough shit, bitch, that what's you get when you marry trash and act like trash.
I love your story, R15 (of course it's horrible, but you know what I mean).
Are they still married? Yes or no, condolences to all.
R4 your Mom has class <3
R15 That's fabulous R15 - like am episode from a reality series "Meth Weddings" or something CK Theroux would doc.
"Family hold back."
R15, it sounds like they kept disappearing to go do drugs together.
R15 I read your story with the music to Come On Get Higher from Nathansen. It sounded cool. It made sense
Such suffering. I feel so badly for all of you.
So, we went to get something to eat and drink - and that's when the MIL and SIL stood over the food - OUR food that we'd made and brought - and told us nobody could have anything until after the party got back and the service was over.
r15, I hate when one or two people hold up the food service at large family gatherings because they want to wait until everyone is there. I always tell people to start without me in advance, and I try to eat before I go in case you have one of those type people. We are still trying to break my mom out of this, she forgets how large her family has grown and its nearly impossible to wait for everyone.
Any decent people getting married will start food service before the bridal party gets to the reception.
In college I seemed to be friends with a number of brilliant anorexic women. Dinner at their places was hilariously anal retentive. It was sad they had no idea that you have to feed young men heaps of food. I was bi then and even fucked some anorexic women and they had bad breath.
R15 That's an incredible story, sorry you had to experience it. The only thing different I would have done is to collected the food I had brought and leave them with nothing.
I’m 51 and I can’t go 3 hours without a pee break. There is no way I’d hold it for a wedding ceremony and reception, with delays. Were people just expected to piss behind the trailer or in the woods?
My partner's trashy family gets a porta potty when they have a function because no one is allowed in the house. I don't get it.
My brother married into an insufferable family. Stereotypical social-climbing WASPs. Had wedding in Martha's vineyard and reception was at some boat club.
Allegedly there was food being passed around but I never saw it, or even cake. My uncle and I walked into town and got pizza.
But you would think it was the royal wedding they way they behaved, making no attempt to be gracious to strangers and going on about drinking out of some vessel.
But I could not forgive the lack of food. At a wedding reception.
R1, rethink life and find new aquaintances.
R29, this was a party with my immediate family unfortunately. No joke.
A fat so once told me that she felt sorry for drunks. I was a big beer drinker just out of college. I said I felt sorry for her fat assume as you need food in your life not beer. Once I'm clear if beer, I'm fine. Then she said yes but you could kill someone driving. Found out she killed a girl as a young teen by throwing her down a well after the fatso pig died.
Avoid people with food disorders and crack heads. No hope for them.
I'm 44 and a sucker for thinking it will be better next time.
My brothers and mother are assholes.
I have been and willing admit it, work pot-lucks, there was one woman who would always fix up a couple of plates to take home to feed her family so she wouldn't have to fix dinner. I would always bring a meat dish and started putting it away to discourage her from doing this. It wouldn't though, she would go get more after the potluck. She was not poor, if she had been I would have gladly sent it home with her, she was just very cheap and lazy.
My mother has controlled food my whole life. She thinks all the world's problems are caused by being overweight and is obsessive about food. Starving herself for years has permanently affected her mind and every time she talks my blood pressure skyrockets. its abnormal how food obsessed she is.
My mom is obssessed with weight and food too, but she was never stingy until recently.
I did notice she hates anything to have flavor...as though if she liked the taste she'd eat more than two bites.
I grew up in a part Italian household and this thread is hilarious. Being stingy with food to your guests or family is the greatest sin you could commit. My family still talks about an incident in 1987 where we were guests of a waspy couple who served everyone exactly 8oz of pasta primavera. One tiny bowl of pasta per person. no salad, no bread. We were all starving when we left.
R27 and others, my theory is people who may have drugs or drug paraphernalia around don't want others in their homes. They are also often paranoid and fear someone is either the cops or will turn them in. Correlates with being trashy.
And did the trashy niece get divorced?
An elderly aunt - who looks a lot like maggie smith would if her face had caved in from not eating enough - recently hosted a lunch and by the time the last of us got to the buffet, there was little left in terms of pickles, salads, etc. Heaps of cheap crappy cuts of meat though, which nobody wanted to eat.
You people lead lives of quiet desperation, don’t you???
R28, thank you. I've posted before on DL on people who are stingy with food.
I am from Long Island, a proud yet humble community of Irish- and Italian-Catholics and Jews. All of whom view food/hospitality as a badge of honor. To a fault.
Imagine my dismay as an undergraduate (I won't name the school, but... imagine) when I visited far wealthier WASP friends at their homes, all over the northeast, and discovered... these people don't give a shit about hospitality. Or eating.
The bars were open, well-stocked, etc. But the actual food (a bowl of M&Ms? A single plate of cheese crackers?) shocked me. When dinner appeared it, it was usually bad AND in short supply.
As we say in Long Island.... the FUCK?
A friend threw a kids birthday party for about 30 people and laid out a cold cut platter with 1/4 lb of ham, turkey, cheese. It was enough for one sandwich. I understand cold cuts can get pricey, so don't serve them! I come from a Polish family, same thing, abundance of food is mandated.
Another friend, her first wedding was a disaster. She didn't know what she was doing, her grandmother forbade booze, and the time from ceremony to reception was hours and hours. No appetizers. People were hungry AND sober , not a good combo.
What I find abhorrent are people who share with you and keep the better or bigger portion for themselves.
Not that one wants more or better but it shows bad manners and upbringing as well as self centredness and a lack of shame.
Oh yes, I went to Darfur and all those nasty orphans were trying to hog all the food.
You people are pigs
My younger sister is cheap with savoury dishes but overly generous with desserts. She invites us to her place for dinner and will serve a drumstick and a scoop of potatoes and that's dinner. Then she whips out four or five different desserts and expects you to have some of each one. Yeah, nothing like chocolate mouse on an empty stomach.
Aren't trailer trash just the bottom of the WASP hierarchy?
My sister has an elderly French chain-smoking friend named Maxine. A former fatty, she's rail thin from lap band surgery. Her ring is so tight she vomits most food she ingests. The Christmas I met her, she came in carrying her "famous" buche d'or, set it on the table and then told everyone obediently lining up with a plate that they were too fat to eat it. It's funny to us now but it really put a dampener on what was beforehand a great Christmas dinner. Two people left immediately.
And sure, a couple of us could have lost a few pounds but no one was fat. This is a woman who has lived in America for decades yet is constantly complaining about obese, stupid, graceless Americans. I told my sister I won't attend any holiday dinner she is invited to.
A keto-diet friend of mine will invite me and a couple of married friends over (when the friends are visiting from out-of-state) for a 7 p.m. "get-together."
I learned this meant we are literally just "getting together" as we snacked on chips, salsa and the beer that I had brought, the first time. The second time, I asked what I could bring and was told "nothing", so I brought some appetizers. Everyone was so glad, since again, she only offered chips and alcohol.
I'm the thin one in this group.
Could someone please translate R31's post into English for me?
In the mid 70's when my bitch paternal grandmother died (she lived with my father's gay younger brother for over 30 years) the family and others assembled on the day at my gay uncle's home (most of the brothers and sisters hadn't seen each other in decades even though none of them lived more than 150 miles from each other). I did not go to the funeral as I had made it plain I hated that side of my family long before and wanted nothing to do with them. My mother told me later that after the funeral my uncle refused to put any of the massive amount of food that had been brought in by neighbors and friends of the family because, as he so proudly proclaimed, "THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT FOOD"! Eventually most everyone just got up and left without so much as a fair the well and the family members (sans my homo uncle) went to a restaurant to eat as they were all starving. Not one of them returned to my uncle's house and after that day most of them never saw each other again.
In my family you always made enough so there was plenty of leftovers for people to make a plate to take home.
That's the way my mother's family was R51. There was always enough food for a log rolling as I used to hear them say. There would even be enough food left over for the ladies who worked in the house to fix plates to take home to their families. Feeding people like kings was a source of pride with my mother's people. One of my friends once said eating at my grandparent's house was like eating at the best all you can eat buffet restaurant you could find.
Bitch could take a big black dick well but she couldn't live forever.
^^^Holy shit, wrong thread.
I eat food with my mouth ulcer
I prefer taking pix of my foods and posting them on the 'gram
My very first gay wedding shortly after it had been legalized in Massachusetts. Invited for 5 pm. Both grooms are chefs. Beautiful location in the foothills of the Berkshires. Hundreds of people. We arrived on time to find everything set up for a tasteful ceremony, and it was. But no food or drink. For the "reception," they had hired "caterers, " i.e. college kids working while home from summer vacation, from their respective restaurants, but they'd obviously prepared for far fewer than the number who showed up. As a result, about a half dozen boxes (!) of wine were gone within a half hour, and whenever a tray of skimpy hors d'oeuvres came out of the food preparation area, guests set upon the servers before they were ten feet out. Those of us who knew each other recognized this for the gift-grab that the invitation had been and re-convened at a nearby Chinese restaurant, where we trashed the hosts with a vengeance.
my partner is the bbq king. he even built a shelter for the barbecue because we use it even when snowing. i would feel like a failure or embarrassed if anybody left my house hungry. the youngest of my older brothers jason can eat 2 of everything, 2 steaks 2 baked potatoes whatever so i always plan for that. i like doing dinners where everybody get's a personal cornish hen (marinated in this kick ass lemon juice concoction) and splayed and grilled on the bbq. or a huge chicken breast or 4 pork tenderloins enough for 13 people. i always absorb other people's embarrassment too, so if they don't have enough food at their place or are clueless i'll be embarrassed for them and it ruins my night. i remember after one dinner i was so hungry on the way home i was demanding the drive thru girl for 4 mama burgers with cheese (2 each) she kept insisting they didn't have any! i was like why not? and she was like "this is dairy queen we don't have mama burgers with cheese."
My grandma (RIP) was a bit stingy with the curry, she made the best fucking curry I've ever had in my life and nowhere else compares. Anywho, so every Sunday we'd go to her tiny apt. in Flushing and the delicious aroma would be wafting through the air before I even got near her door, once inside she would serve us and my dad always got the big piece of chicken or lamb the most gravy and the most roti. I would politely ask and she would give me one more half assed ladel of curry gravy. I do miss her food, cakes, soft skin and oil of olay lotion scent.
btw i used to have a gay bear neighbor and if he had made turkey soup he would bring a huge pot up to our place with bay leaves on top. so sweet. his mother was poor and had a lot of kids but was an awesome cook and she taught him everything.
Some of you must have enormous, messy bms
I love to cook - and eat! - and most of my friends do as well. And the ones who aren’t good cooks always bring great wine. So it’s not usually a problem. Everyone is happy!
But remember years ago being invited to visit this woman who had been seeing a good friend of ours for a few years. He was lovely guy - and beautiful looking too - a traffic stopper! - and not vain about his looks, zero ego or arrogance. She was nice enough. Intelligent and ambitious. But always seemed a little insecure around him. They spilt up eventually and she met a new guy and moved cities. A few of us ended up in town over the same weekend and we were duly invited to dinner...
We took along the wine, and first up we were served these fairly small bowls of a ravioli with a kind of salami/sausage pesto. It sounds odd - but it really was delicious. The perfect appetiser. Only that turned out to be it. Nothing else was served. No dessert even. Nothing. We were starving. I think we drank some wine and left as soon as we politely could - and ended up with some sort of mediocre takeout on the way home. It was a smaller city and unfamiliar and pre-smartphone - so the options for food were pretty limited.
It was embarrassing. We never saw her again.
Had a friend who was asked to fly interstate to attend the wedding of a girl he’d gone to university with. They’d been close on and off again over the years. And she was pretty nice. But the invitation was odd...
It was a civil ceremony in a park at 11am. Then,no invitation to a reception of any sort. But they were going to meet guests at some inner city pub around 6pm for drinks. Again, not a cocktail party or reception of any sort - just friends getting together for drinks at a pub.
Was odd. I mean - you’re expecting people to fly across the country for your wedding vows - then buy their own drinks - and probably yours too! - at a bar somewhere, hours after the event, after they’ve been killing time all day in a strange city.
Suspect her European mother and family might have been being difficult. They were pretty crazy - and not generous people. So clearly they weren’t up to springing for a reception for their only daughter’s much awaited, anticipated (and unexpected!) wedding. The immediate families and closest must’ve had lunch somewhere - they disappeared for six hours after the ceremony after all - but obviously many on the guest list didn’t make the cut. Yet she expected them to fly down from interstate. Kinda rude - no?
Anyway - the friend that got the invitation sent her a witty response (he thought!) saying that since they didn’t seem to have any plans for lunch after the ceremony, perhaps he could take them to dim sum or sonething? It was the least he could do - and maybe some of the other guests could join them as well?
He never heard from her again.
What is it about calling people out on their meanness - and it being a relationship deal breaker? I mean, they don’t even try and have a conversation about it - let alone apologise. Do they realise how awful they’re being and just can’t face the embarrassment of seeing someone again who reminds them of their behavior...?
R62 here again -
Also got asked to a friend’s housewarming party. She been doing it tough as a single mother for years, when her father died and she inherited the old family home. She loved the place and it was great to see her secure at last.
She’s a bit of a redneck girl tho. Nice - heart of gold! - but a little trashy. And she has baby tastes. Doesn’t drink a lot. And only those too sweet concoctions with fruit in them. And is really limited in the food she likes - nothing ‘famcy’.
So we asked what to bring - and she says nothing. I’m having it catered.
Anyway, turn up, and ‘catered’’ turns out to be a couple of platters of supermarket deli sandwiches and a couple of platters of antipasto. All really Basic. And the sandwiches were dried out and unappealing. And there wasn’t enough. Everyone were good sports about it though. She’s quite a character! And when those of us with a sweet tooth got restive and were told there was no dessert, I drove one of the others up to the nearest McDonalds and got a couple dozen chocolate sundaes. Which disappeared in moments flat when we returned. She took it all in good humor, and out of memory she happily wolfed down two of the sundaes.
I went to a straight friend's surprise birthday party. His wife rented out a bar in NYC. It started at 6 pm so we assumed dinner would be served. I saw two trays of things being passed around, but I skipped, waiting for the dinner. By 9:00 it was clear that we weren't getting any more food, so a bunch of us left to go to dinner. People were starting to get drunk - and most of them were in their late 30s and early 40s, not like college kids who can drink for hours on an empty stomach. I was really surprised his wife was so clueless about that.
r2 it was a sign that they really didn't want to have the event. you are probably not the only one not going to do it again so they achieved their goal
She wasn't clueless. She was cheap or poor.
r65, If you are referring to me at r64, she is neither cheap nor poor. She rented the place out and had an open bar all night for like 100 people. She is, I suspect, anorexic, and simply doesn't think about food. I think she would be horrified to know people left to go get food and are still talking about the fact years later.
If you’re stingy with food, don’t have a fucking party! It’s rude, but stingy people generally are.
Well I don't buy that explanation. If she is rich and anorexic, she is keenly aware of people's need for food.
Why are people being called out for being pigs on this thread? This is a HUGE pet peeve of many people. Some of these stories, the people's stinginess is just atrocious.
But, I remember attending a birthday party when I was a kid. You tell the party totally broke the parents. All the snacks and pop were in that generic bright yellow packaging with black block letters, you know, from Loblaws or Bells. Everyone knew it was from the scummy store. But, at least the parents were trying.
r62, I think those people were intentionally making the event unappealing so that the "invitees" would stay home and send a gift out of guilt. In a scenario like that, my gift would be to make a hefty donation to charity in honor of the bride and groom. The message is: I didn't get you shit, but I I had, this is how much money I would have spent on you! The charity wins, you feel good about yourself, and no one can say you didn't "gift".
Who would want to be around a stingy personality? They are petty and selfish people...insufferable and toxic.
This thread is both sad and hilarious, I come from a large family every family event there is lots of food. Everyone is expected to take home leftovers, I can usually get 4 meals just from the leftovers.
i'm italian and these stories are crazy to me. Having people over and not feed them until they choke is unforgivable in my culture. And a WEDDING with no food??? It would probably end in tragedy, like people stabbing each other.
r61 is r50's gay uncle.
Hah! Last Christmas Eve my sister had us all over - 16 of us - and told everyone not to bring a dish, she'd have a meat tray, etc. We get there and all that's left is her huge pot of white chicken chili. Her son, home from college brought 2 friends and they devoured the meat tray, cheese and relish tray - nothing for anyone else. I asked her why she didn't tell us to get something on the way and she said she thought it would be fine. My rotten nephew had also started drinking most of the beer and pop she had out on her deck. This rude kid only briefly came up from the basement where he was playing video games (he's 22 for God's sake!) to mutter 'hi' and back down he went. I had brought the rotten kid a Christmas card for Macy's for 50 bucks and I took it back home with me.
Was this a surprise, R76? You probably know her by now so just bring food no matter what she says. Who comes to a Christmas Eve dinner without food and drink offerings? Very odd thread.
I had brought the rotten kid a Christmas card for Macy's for 50 bucks and I took it back home with me.
I love you R76.
r77, if a host tells you not to bring anything, bringing anything other than a bottle of wine or maybe dessert can often be more problematic for the host - like having to heat something up, or find room in the refrigerator, find a serving dish, etc. I always offer to bring something but if I am told no, stick to wine, which I don't expect to be served, or a non-food item gift for the host.
Yes R79 but to a family holiday dinner, those rules do NOT apply. In most cultures at least.
R70 is a great big ol’ horse of a gal...
To a gathering of 24 people in which everyone has been asked to "please bring something to share," I plan to bring a half-pound wedge of St. Andre, crackers, and fruit. Is this enough? Maybe two wedges? Or add some soppressata? I know: one's French, the other's Italian,, but I like them together.
I do not want to be "stingy with food."
1 - 1.5 ounces per person for cheese. 1.5 per person would be 36 so you are less than 1/4 to your goal of not being stingy. At least bring a pound. And what fruit? The fruit will be fine with a pound. 1/2 pound? The fuck?
You are not bringing enough r82. 2.5 lbs of cheese, two or three boxes of crackers and a tray of fruit.
Thank you, r84 and r83.
Whenever I'm cooking for company I always double or triple the recipes...and I'm always kind of confused there's lots left over. I'm just not good with numbers! And I have this fear they'll all love ONE dish, and ignore everything else (which never actually happens)
I figure I'm cooking, anyway.....and it's always better to have too much rather than too little.
Every holiday at my grandparents house we little kids had to wait around for HOURS for the turkey to cook and the only thing to eat was a can of peanuts (for 12 people). My mother was always yelling at me not to eat any peanuts because I would "spoil my apppetite." I ate some anyway and she would scream "Leave some for other people!" As if the 5 peanuts I ate were going to cause a famine.
I got a stomach ache from the peanuts, from my mother screaming at me and from having to wait for hours to eat. Guess what kind of condition little kids are in after 4 hours of no food, nothing to drink (we could only drink at the table when food was served), no TV, no games. Of course, the adults had alcoholic drinks they guzzled in the living room, but not the kids. Big surprise holidays were a tedious chore that I hated.
Best part -- we lived two blocks over and there was no fucking reason AT ALL to have gone there so early.
Oh, r87, I heart you. Some of these stories make me so glad I had my parents. I never suffered through anything like this.
R87, that's horrible! I recall variations of that with some relatives when I was little. Your last sentence made me laugh, but I feel your pain!
I just want to clarify, my mother controls food for US. She's an excellent cook and hostess but when it comes to her own family she controls every crumb that goes into our mouths. She will push leftovers on me and tell me to take food home while telling me how fat I am in the same breath. She's infuriating.
My husband's sister invited us for dinner. This was years ago. There were 4 of us. I stopped and bought 4 eclairs. For dinner, we had about 4 forkfuls of spaghetti and one piece of bread. My husband asked for more spaghetti. "There isn't any more."
"Oh. Could I have another piece of bread to dip in the sauce on my plate?"
"There isn't any more bread."
"Oh. Well, I guess I'll just have dessert.,then"
Out came 2 eclairs, cut in half. One half for each person. She kept the other 2.
And...my husband looked in the fridge for cold water and there was sauce and spaghetti in a bowl. And half a loaf of Italian bread was wrapped up on the counter.
His sister's wedding was in a dank "loft" that looked like an unfinished basement. There were coated paper ashtrays. The. bride and her friends all smoked like chimneys, while my husband's family didn't smoke, so two family members climbed on a ladder to open windows to air the place out. It was sleeting outside. Once they opened the windows, it was sleeting inside. And they couldn't close the windows with the big metal things they'd used to open them.
The food? Hors d'ouevers. They had enough for about 50 people, which was unfortunate, as there were 75 guests.
There was a turkey placed on a folding card table. Uncarved. No plates. Turned out the bride's mother brought it because --knowing her daughter -- she figured there would hardly be any food. But she thought there would be forks and knives and plates at the loft. There weren't any. People were literally gouging the turkey woth a plastic spoon someone found. Elderly people with diabetes tried to leave, but had no way of getting home because the bride's parents had hired a bus and it wasn't coming til 10:30 pm.
The bride was wearing a white miniskirt up to her ass and a long veil. She insisted on Latin music, though no one was Latin. She danced and danced, her veil sweeping up and swirling all of the cigarette butts her friends had ground out on the floor.
Such a class act!
We were invited to my nieces sweet sixteen way far away. The family is nouveau riche to a tee over their true selves of trailer trash.
The dad cleaned up on a game show, had a big aren't I rich party with giveaways. Maybe others got better but I got a Costco sized box of sweet and low.
I digress. We all pile in the car and drive about three hours to hotel. There were hula dancers - supposed to be a luau. My niece dressed very inappropriate with coconut shells over her budding breasts.
We sit down. There is a plate of Costco cookies. I asked if we had missed lunch, and someone said, you're looking at it
Allow me to "Oh dear" myself
r93 i told you i don't make anything out of horses!
R91 I would have been tempted to ask, Why is there spaghetti and bread in the fridge. Fuck.
R91 after that thing with the eclairs I'd only ever eat with those people at restaurants where it's clearly understood everyone pays their own way. That kind of brazen cuntiness is just nasty!
Better to avoid the fuck out of them.
R91 My husband's sister invited us for dinner. This was years ago. There were 4 of us. I stopped and bought 4 eclairs. For dinner, we had about 4 forkfuls of spaghetti and one piece of bread. My husband asked for more spaghetti. "There isn't any more."
Why did she even bother inviting anyone over? Wouldn't it seem she hates people???
I mean, this sounds like mental illness....am I overreacting?
I generally find that people who are stingy witb food are also the people who insist on ordering a huge amount of food for themselves and then dividing the check evenly. Or who eat all of the shared food for the table. In other words, selfish pigs with no class at all.
R97 no, all these stories sound like mental ilness.
And wherest thou be, all ye stingy people, to weigh as to WHY you think think this behavior is acceptable??? Surely there MUST be a few stingy-ass DLers,.
I mean, this sounds like mental illness....am I overreacting?
She's a narcissist and a bitch. She's obsessed with food and wine and is the cheapest, stingiest person I've ever met. I went to her apartment once more for dinner (and we stopped and ate pizza slices beforehand). I brought cheap greengrocer chrysanthemums instead of food that time. And I told my husband "This is so unpleasant I'm never doing it again."
We used to take my husband's mother out to dinner on Mother's Day and her birthday and Sis would come along, bitching to every staff member in the restaurant. She didn't like the table and wanted to move. No, this table isn't any better! I want THAT one.
Then the wine list was no good. The food wasn't cooked enough or was too cold, take it back and bring me HOT food. No, I don't like this sauce, it's terrible. Bring me another order if this without the sauce. This restaurant is horrible, the staff is stupid, the chef doesn't know how to cook. I cook much better than this!
So after a few years of that I demurely declined to go on any more restaurant outings with them.
Fast forward 10 years and she was now married to husband number three. My husband said, "Her new husband handles her very well! She doesn't behave like that anymore in restaurants. You'll really like him. Let's get together with them, please?"
Ok, says I.
We went out and it was WORSE THAN EVER. She sent her fish back twice and demanded to speak to the chef so she could instruct the chef how to properly prepare her fish. She told the waiter "Your wine list is shitty and overpriced!" He told her the names of their off menu wines. "Ugh! They're disgusting!"
The whole time, I was making faces at the waiter. Sis couldn't see me because she was so worked up over her performance, throwing her arms out and grandly gesticulating. I stuck my finger next to my temple and pretended to pull a trigger. I put my index finger in front of my ear, twirled it around, crossed my eyes & stuck out my tongue. The waiter was trying so hard to keep a straight face, and it was INFURIATING sis.
I excused myself to the bathroom. I grabbed the manager and told him I was so sorry and he was very nice. "I don't know what she's talking about," he said. Neither does she, I said. She's just a cunt. A nasty, clueless CUNT. He said, "Sshhh! She'll hear you!" and laughed.
What's really unfortunate is that the restaurant had a gas leak a month later and the manager died. Meanwhile the CUNT lives on. People think Trump will get his comeuppance. But based on Sis, I know that cunts gonna cunt, and they get away with it all the time. That's why it irks me democrats are getting rid of Franken, but Trump and Moore will prevail. Cunts, the lot of them.
I haven't seen Sis or her husband since and have no intention of ever seeing them again.
Another "Sis" story. She asked to use my summer house for a weekend. My husband said, "Please. She wants to take her BF there. We'll stay in the city."
Ok. But she's on probation, I said. She never comes back again if she misbehaves.
We had a few bottles of wine friends had given us over the holidays. When we got back to the house, they were gone. There was, however, a nice house present for me -- a big red stain on my living room rug. And a mark on my dining room table where it looked like she's scrubbed it with Brillo. I was never able to fix it (or get the stain out). My husband said, "She told me she'll buy us a new rug."
I burst out laughing.
I went upstairs and she'd left the guest room windows open. It had rained and the bedding was soaked.
A friend had given me a nice fat blunt and I'd stuck it in my (full) Tylenol bottle. A few weekends later I opened the bottle and it was gone. I showed my husband and he said "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. She found it and smoked it. She said she was going to replace it...."
Birch must have gone through the house like a fucking burglar. Luckily, I never kept money or banking info there.
And that was the last time she was ever allowed at my summer house
My Mom was a phenomenal Italian cook. And a wonderful hostess. Her dinners were an event. She always made more than enough food for everyone, plus anyone who may have dropped in unexpectedly. Everyone got sent home with containers of food. Her feeling was that if you are going to entertain guests, give it 110% or don't do it at all. I have followed her example.
R101 how did your husband end up sweet and accommodating, and his sister the opposite?
I don't know why he even wants anything to do with her. Does she have any redeeming characteristics??
Wow, these stories are CRAZY! Do people like this really exist?
Well, it's been said here before, and I'm happy to say it again. R100/R101, you can at least take comfort in the fact that your "sis" consumed far more than food at those restaurants, if you catch my drift.
She's his older sister who was cool when he was a kid. He always looked up at her and her cool friends. He stayed with her when she lived in the city and he didn't, so he felt he owed her something.
She's a nympho, BTW. I could go on, but I've already hijacked the thread and would like to hear other people's food-stingy stories because it's a good topic.
My sister serves portioned plates to guests at dinner. I know it’s her husband’s influence as he’s a snob. We didn’t grow up that way. Our parents hosted a lot of parties, including dinner parties, and if they were serving portioned meats, there was always extra. After any event my parents hosted, we were eating leftovers for at least 3 days.
I was looking after my sister’s pets for a few days, and she even left strict instructions on how much to feed the dog! I could see the dog was hungry so I didn’t follow the instructions.
The cat was to get half a can of cat food. I gave him a whole can, which he ate immediately.
I also made dinner for her kids. They, too, were subject to portion control. I made a salad and a huge bowl of pasta. My ten year old niece served herself half the bowl. I suggested to her that she’d taken too much, but she said she would eat it all, and she did. I think it was because she rarely was allowed to eat such a carb laden food.
R108 I have had the same experience with watching people's pets. I always give more than the instructions - plus extra treats.
Gift your stingy hostesses Joan Crawford's book My Way Of Life. They could learn a thing or two:
"Another meeting might be scheduled the same night for seven. That group would be received in the living room and offered a drink and something to nibble on until Alfred was free to join them. I never knew whether those attending the seven o’clock meeting would stay for dinner, but I always had to be prepared. That’s why I haven’t had a cook for eighteen years. What cook can go on being cheerful if you tell her at a quarter to eight that there are going to be five extra people for dinner when she, after putting in a long day, has planned on two lamb chops? Besides, I loved being alone with my husband when it was possible. So we had only one maid in our New York apartment, and I still have only one in my present eight rooms. Once a week we have men to come in and move the heavy furniture and do all the heavy cleaning and polishing—twice a week if I entertain much. The rest of the time my maid Mamacita and the faithful Mr. Grant and I manage very well by ourselves. The difference between a hired cook and me was that when I was married I did the job for love—and enjoyed every minute of it. My freezer was always filled with things for emergencies, things like pot roast, beef bourguignon, lobster Newburg, creamed chicken, and meat loaf. I always made extra sauce so that the meat or chicken or seafood was completely covered when it was frozen. That’s important. I kept frozen aspics and, of course, those lovely homemade soups that I cooked in great quantities and froze in separate containers. Apart from the soups, which simmer for hours, things should always be a little undercooked because they’ll cook a bit more in the thawing and warming-up process. At those rare times when no hearty dish was on tap I phoned Casserole Kitchen, a gem of a place that would send over a casserole of veal or lamb",
Joan cont'd :
nd salad, bread, and desserts. I’d have the oven ready and just pop things in for warming. I always had my own French dressing, and fruit and cheese in the refrigerator. The point of all this planning was that when it was my husband’s time of day I was prepared for almost any eventuality, for anything that he wanted to do. There might be a dozen unexpected guests, or a candlelit dinner for two—and we always dined by candlelight.
Actually yes, I was at a dinner party and took a normal portion of Veal Prince Orloff and the hostess made me put it back. The nerve!
Fun starts at the 16 min mark.
R108, yes! I forgot about pets. My brother is stingy on cat food and it makes me sick.
When I was pet-sitting, I couldn't even find the food. Camned food? No way.
Oh, please, R101, MORE sis stories! I love them!
R101 u have the worst sister in law known to DL. She should be called sinister in law. I hope u really fuck her up badly one day
My sister does the opposite of R101 s sister if she has 15 people over for dinner she has enough food for 45. She makes everyone take home the leftovers.
R101 enjoys a rich fantasy life
R112 LOL. I remember
R100/101: I remember the first time you told DL about your sister and the "restaurant episode" (it was a few years ago). As I recall there was a heated DL dabte about her...ethnicity/religion.
Then as now, I only echo the thought upthread: WHAT does your husband still see in her?
why the fuck are rich people always the stingiest? seriously. it blows my goddamn mind.
my super-wealthy ex-bestie got married on the jersey shore and it was an abomination. the venue was some absolute shit-hole spa/hotel near the boardwalk that made Tahiti Village look like the Four Seasons in Maui. The wedding was of course "Hawaiian" themed and the dinner - as much as I can remember - was rubbery grey chicken breasts swimming in a massive pool of pineapple juice. Along with some bizarre fried stuff. There was hardly any of it. And it all of it ran out within 30 minutes of the reception. So most of the crowd just drank this cloying yet potent sangria on an empty stomach until we were all effectively blind.
All I remember about that night was staggering onto the boardwalk completely fucking wasted desperate for food and finding a disgusting pizza joint open. My partner and I gobbled down three slices and within minutes needed to vomit. We hightailed it to the beach and began tossing our cookies VIOLENTLY. With tears streaming down my eyes and viscous spit threads dangling from my mouth, I looked over and sure enough there were 5 other people from the wedding puking as well. One of the guys actually smiled and managed to yell "you had the pizza, right?"
never talked to that bitch again.
My sister's ex bf came over one day and announced to everyone "don't cook today I am going to buy Boston chicken for everyone" we were like okay, fine. This fat fuck came with 2 little whole chickens and four sides (mac n cheese, spinach, mashed potato and sweet corn). There were 6 of us, he and my sister served themselves first and there was maybe some left over for one person. I ended up buying dinner for my aunt, dad and brother. They also took all the sides home with them and gave my dad a sliver of chicken and the spinach they didn't like. Glad that fat fuck is out of our lives he was cheap and obnoxious acted like he was the bread winner. All he did was sit on his ass all day as "security" $11/hr.
2 chickens isn’t enough for 6 people?
^^^ It would have been if they ate normal portions, but like I said they served themselves first and they are both on the chubby side. I would have been fine with one leg and thigh or whatever.
r121 2 chickens from Boston Market seems like enough for 6. But like you said" he and my sister served themselves first." So, I would think they split one of them chickens between themselves. Yeah, that would not leave enough for the rest.
Yeah, OP. It was called my childhood.
R125 sounds like you have an interesting story to tell.
Out came 2 eclairs, cut in half. One half for each person. She kept the other 2.
What a bitch!
Goddamn that's beyond stingy and just straight up slap deserving.
Chicken dinners from Boston market or KFC can be misleading. I've gotten a few pieces that were nothing but deep fried batter and bone. Literally no meat hiding under that crispy skin. And, I swear those chicken shrink on the rotisserie. They look like Cornish game gen when they're taken off.
Whatever happened to class, taste, manners and courtesy? A host or hostess should provide ample food for guests, to make sure the guests are comfortable and to feel welcomed. I can’t imagine dealing with those horrible people as described in these posts. I avoid petty, stingy, selfish people. I’m 54, and I won’t waste the time I have left on those toxic people. My family would never act that way; we were brought up to be considerate of others.
Because my mother was (and is) so weird about food, I now despise people who have food issues. I dumped a friend (slightly overweight) who was always on a diet. Every time you went out, she couldn't eat carbs, dairy, sugar, she couldn't drink, or she was only eating oxygen that day. I do not regret it.
R131 - soooooo with you on that! The people with the bizarre tastes and problems with food - that are usually indicative of some other mental health issue.
I’ve not really dumped any friend for their odd dietary habits - but I sure as shit don’t go out to dinner with them.
Fortunately, few of my friends are difficult. The odd one will be on a diet or something - but they don’t go on about it and are happy for everyone else to eat what they like.
I actually love it when some of the few friends with dietary restrictions come to dinner at our place. I love to cook - and so planning a meal that is outside my usual comfort zone is always a stimulating exercise. Love coming up with stuff they can eat that the rest of us will love as well. And my friends are always really happy and grateful I’ve made the effort.
Oh - to the posters who were complaining about people being stingy with their pets’ food -
Maybe you should think again here. We fostered and then kept a beagle. He’s a funny little thing - but he is adored and has a very good life. But he’s constantly hungry. And was quite overweight when we got him. He’s food obsessed. We have to feed him half of what Irish terrier gets. They’re both the same weight. She’s taller than him and very lean and fit - he’s a little curvy lump.
Clearly you don’t wanna starve a pet. But most of us are feeders and want to give them more than is good for them - which most of them will gladly consume. There are so many overweight dogs and cats out there! Ask any vet.
My sister’s dog was not overweight r133, but the dog wasn’t exercised enough either.
My other sister has 2 dogs. She doesn’t restrict their food at all. Her husband walks the dogs 2 hours or more daily, and none of the dogs she’s ever owned have been overweight.
I remember my family visiting my sister and her husband in Florida. There was no food in the house (I guess they ate out all the time).
At one point I noticed some yogurt cups in the fridge and her husband said, "I hope you don't like yogurt".
There was a grapefruit tree in the backyard and though I don't really like them I ate a couple. Then I heard him telling people I was "eating the hell out of the grapefruits".
An old-fashioned WASP event might have had fairly scanty provisions (nuts, triscuits and cheese, some potted shrimp, and so on) but there would have been heroic quantities of good booze.
My younger brother had us over for thanksgiving one year,and I took a huge pot of my famous mashed potatoes.Good thing I did,as they had bought a tiny turkey for 12 people and had miniscule side dishes. Everybody had huge piles of mashers on their plates to fill up. I told my mother "never again" and I havent eaten at their house in 10 years.We werent raised that way ,my parents always had tons of food for any get together,and they always provided the booze as well. They had some GREAT parties !
To the person who mentioned feeders creating overweight pets--I have thin animals and children--my brother truly underfeeds his animals.
My kids drank a cup of milk each with dinner and overheard my brother and sister-in-law talking about how they were pigs. I should have seen the writing on the wall.
The story at R137 seems like it could be a young couple cooking a holiday dinner for the first time and not knowing how to plan for 12.
How old was the brother that thanksgiving, R137?
There was a grapefruit tree in the backyard and though I don't really like them I ate a couple. Then I heard him telling people I was "eating the hell out of the grapefruits".
R139 he was in his late 30s! His old lady is food greedy,the kind thatll hold dinner for 2 hours if company is there instead of offering to share. She keeps all the food in the attached garage,wich has a door chime that goes off if someone opens it late at night to get a snack. We used to get together with my younger brother at least 4 times a year,no one goes over now. Im convinced she did it to make sure no one would ever come back for dinner again,and it worked,at least for me.
A few of these relatives need to teceive anonymous and nasty letters that in no way can be traced back to the peple who sent them
Send names and addresses of your desired recipients to R142.
I dated this guy who was on hydroxycut. He would never take me out to dinner. He would only take me to this ONE sports bar/restaurant bc they were friends with the bartender and they would drink all night for $10/a person. Who knows how they secured that arrangement, but it got old real fast. The one night I asked if we could order a few appetizers, you would think I was breaking some sort of moral code. It killed him to order them, and then of course he wouldn't eat any (hydroxycut!!!!). What a combination: cheap and dieting - - ugh! From then on I vowed to only date ppl who ate with gusto like myself.
I can understand being frugal with food if you're broke or on a strict budget, but as many have mentioned here the stingiest people with food are those who can most afford to buy food.
I had the opposite problem, my best friend Karen would have me to dinner and I swear every time I looked away, it's like the plate of food refilled itself. It was if she was sneaking food off her plate onto mine.
I'm hosting Christmas Eve and my niece and her new hubby are Vegan and they've informed me they'll bring THEIR OWN snacks, food etc. I was like ....just tell me what to order and I'll get Vegan for you but she said "you'll get the wrong kind".
Gay men don't say "hubby," r147.
Maybe the reason why they are rich is because they are cheap.
That still does not justify it
My father used to drag us to his parents house every Sunday. The only saving grace was that they had s color tv back in the Dark Ages when most had black & white TV.
My grandmother would make a roast beef or roast lamb for Sunday dinner. She & my grandfather would sit down & eat as my parents, my sister and I sat in the living room. My mother was mortified and hated going there. She always tried to get my father to leave when my grandparents sat down to eat but he refused because he wanted to see Ed Sullivan in color.
They never asked us to join them. My mother got a job where she worked on Sunday so she wouldnt have to sit around being hungry for a couple of hours before my father would allow us to leave.
Or loses. Whichever.
That’s fucked up, R150. Emotional food warfare.
We’re they Irish or Norwegian?
My father was pretty retarded. Today he'd be called autistic (not Aspergers, but full blown autistic). He had to do the same thing at the same time every day of the week. For example, on Friday night he went food shopping, then he went to a bar in town and watched TV while drinking beer. He left and came home from the house/supermarket/bar the same time every Friday, on schedule.
He did the food shopping because he didn't want to give my mother food money in case she spent 2¢ over what he felt should be spent on food.
Stinginess ran in the family
R150 again. My grandparents moved to FL when I was 12. It wasn't until years later that I realized the whole Sunday setup was weird. My mother brought it up and by that time I had seen tv shows where families went to grandma's house for Sunday dinner.
i have never heard of such a thing R155. I am incredulous. Really? That either your mother or father put up with it as well. I guess your father was damaged and he had control over your mother so she had no say? Extremely fucked up. Not weird. Sick.
Did your grandmother blow your grandfather in the dining room after the roast dinner, while he smoked a cigar, with all you in the living room eyes glued to the CO-LEUR tv?
So every Sunday, they knew you were coming over, yet they never made enough for everyone of invited you to sit and eat?? I can understand THE FIRST TIME not having enough, but every Sunday for years? And with a roast, there had to be plenty.
My parents are being opposite stingy. My mother can no longer cook, and my father won't learn how, so they eat cheeseticks, Boost and sandwiches. My mother is withering away. So one Sunday I came down with 2 big pans of casseroles they could heat & enjoy all week. My dad goes, oh you cooked this already? He HATES the microwave. Then he sent me home with one of the casseroles. "We don't like leftovers." FFS
R150 That's just awful! I can't imagine grandparents behaving that way!
WTF, R150. I'm sorry you had to grow up in such a family.
R150's story reminded me of the time a college friend and I were driving down from New York to San Francisco during summer break in college in the early 80's. The plan was to stop off at his dad's house in Colorado on one of the nights because my friend had not met his dad in over two years. My friend called his dad several times during the trip to update him on our progress, and we were able to let him know pretty accurately the time we would be at their place. Well, we arrived at the dad's mansion at 6:30 pm as promised, and were met at the door by the housekeeper who informed us that the parents were having dinner, and we should come back later. We could see his dad and step-mom sitting and eating - by themselves - on the dining table through the window, and they had to have been aware of our car driving up. My friend and I went away and had dinner at a fast food place and returned to the dad's house afterwards. We spent the entire evening sitting with the dad in his study, silently listening to him he lecture us on conservative politics and the failings of the current generation. At 10 pm, the housekeeper brought in ONE cup of coffee and a small plate of crackers and cheese which the dad and the step-mom ate in front of us while they watched the news. Neither parent asked us if we had eaten, or offered even a drink - though the dad certainly had plenty of whiskys while lecturing us. Anyway, at 11, we were led to our beds (cots set up in the basement - I mean, this HAD to have been a six bedroom house easily). Around midnight, the step-mom tip-toed into the basement, bearing a plate with two baloney sandwiches and two cans of coke. She didn't apologize or anything, but she made sure we were comfortable, and as she was leaving, she gave my friend a hug and said "You know how he is" and my friend said "I hope he didn't count the slices of bread or we'll be in trouble!"
Anyway, when we climbed up the stairs the following morning, the dad was waiting right at the door. He shook our hands, said goodbye, and suggested we get on the road so that we could cover as much distance as possible. And then he went to the dining room, presumably to have his own breakfast.
These are some fucked up stories. R158, maybe see if your mom qualifies for Meals on Wheels.
People like the guy in R161 have no business having kids. They eat too much.
Reminds me of my divorced dad who wanted to dump me on my financially struggling mother, who worked a factory job and couldn’t afford to support me. His girlfriend wanted me out of their lives, so he simply quit buying food for the house. I recycled bottles at the local 7/11 to get money for food. I ate a big sandwich a day and slept a lot.
I knew my mom had no money to feed me so I avoided being a burden on her for as long as I could. Stuff like that messes up your metabolism.
Was your friend skinny or fat, R161?
Yeah I would recommend MOW for r158's parents. They will probably have to go to a local MOW location to eat, but the transportation to get there is usually free. I work with a lot of elderly people and most of them LOVE going to MOW. The food is free and that is their social outing where they socialize and gossip with other seniors, especially ones that don't like casinos or church.
Hug for you r163. Parents can make such a fuck up of their responsibilities. How is it that in so many cultures the sharing of food is such a joyous expression of familial love and yet in so many individual cases it can used to control and deprive?
Damn. Some of you should not have been born. I mean that in the nicest, most sympathetic way possible, of course.
Sorry but as a college boy, if I were invited to someone's house and treated as described in R161, I would first ASK FOR A DRINK OR SNACK, and then if refused, I would head for the cheapest motel or sleep in the car. And there is no way I would sleep in a my buddy's partent's big house's basement, on a cot, with loads of bedrooms available.
Again, I am incredulous.
They were young, R167. Probably the friend didn’t want to embarrass his friend any further.
R166, I know exactly what you mean and I agree. Some people are too selfish and irresponsible to have kids and both of my parents were like that. People like that think of children as trophies or toys, not people, but when they get tired of them they can’t throw them away, so the kid suffers.
R167 all I can really say is that I wasn't raised that way, and even as a confident adult, I certainly would never ask for a snack in someone else's house. I mean, this family looked so much wealthier than anything I had ever experienced before that I was already feeling out of my depth. I had no idea how to address the housekeeper, for instance. And I was horribly embarrassed for my friend - as R168 points out - and spent the entire evening looking towards him for cues on how to act. Since he seemed to take it without protest, I could only do the same. We had no idea that we were sleeping in the (finished) basement on cots till we were led there. My friend did used to have a room for himself (upstairs ) when he would come for his summer visitation growing up, so we had pretty much assumed we would either be sharing that room or be given different rooms. In fact, one of the main reasons he wanted to stop off at his dad's house was to collect some personal items and books from his childhood. Unfortunately, when we were led to the basement, the dad told us not to wander around as the security system would be activated, so he could not even go upstairs to see if his childhood room was still the same. He did write to his step-mother later and she sent over some of the things that she could find.
R163 - My friend was healthy and well built - he grew up mostly with his mom, so he was not deprived in any way. I think the Dad was just making it as clear as possible that the son should expect nothing more from him. Sorry to hear about your horrible childhood.
Oh - and R167 - here is another story about stingy parents which you probably wouldn't believe either, but is completely true. I didn't it share earlier because its not about food exactly. One of my co-workers during college was living at home, but working full-time through college not just to pay his fees, but because his dad would present him with an itemized bill every week (every WEEK!) for his expenses. My friend brought some of these bills to work and we laughed our asses off at the things his dad was billing him for: half loads of laundry, for instance, because the dad washed my friend's towels with his own laundry. Half a can of soup and two slices of bread for dinner. 1/3 of 1/2 the electricity bill because my friend was out of town for 10 days that month. A turkey sub that the dad bought for himself, but my friend's dog ate. (or so the dad claimed). Apparently the dad had been doing this with his kids the moment each turned 18, "to teach them about the real world". Needless to say, my friend moved out as soon as he and his girlfriend could afford the down-payment on an apartment.
I feel so bad for all of you that had poor parenting. It's not fair, and it's not your fault. There are so many couples that should never have been parents. Having children is a huge responsibility. But also joyous and rewarding.
R169, your second story would have made a good episode of That '70s Show.
I used to think that these stories were commonplace around the world, but having traveled extensively, and met people from many different cultures in the states as well as abroad, I am forced to the sad conclusion that its only us Americans who are so screwed up. So yeah, R171, our sitcoms do reflect our culture, but in the nicest way and for only 30 minutes.
You misunderstood. I know it would have been impolite to ask for a snack but I would have because I would have been pissed off at the incredibly rude hospitality being shown. Just to make a point. Also, it is possible some people are SO insular that they are stingy by accident in which case they would immediately correct themselves and their poor hosting manners.
As for cross cultural manners and hospitality, as an American I did learn to adapt my ways living in France England and Switzerland and with German friends. I grew up in a family that was extremely generous but also extremely casual about hosting. Meaning a house guest would be served correctly and generously but there was also the "help yourself" culture that is somewhat common in the USA. For example, "helpyourself in the morning to whatever you'd like". Or giving a tour of the kitchen and cupboards and saying Please help yourself whenever you'd like a snack. Especially if one is not on 24/7 hosting duties.
But many Europeans are absolutely bewildered and frozen by "help yourself". They simply COULD NOT get up in the morning and make themselves breakfast if I was sleeping, for example. Many would never dream of opening a hosts refrigerator. They MUST be served and meals, drinks, snacks must be shared together.
Also early on, I made the mistake of "helping myself" in the home of very good European friends, when a houseguest, and they were for the most part polite about it but you could tell they were bewildered and offended about my brashness.
The grandparents eating their Sunday dinner is the worst story in this thread.
Anyone else block these complaining bitches?
Are you kidding, R175? This is the Thread of the Weekend.
Though my family was never rich, I suppose we are the same ethnicity of these 'wasps' everyone talks about (Anglo, non religious white British descent). Food was never a big part of my upbringing as it is with Italian or Asian descended people I know. For example, we never ate dinner together as a family growing up. My parents would eat an 'adult' meal and the kids would eat microwave/oven meals like pies, sausage rolls, chicken nuggets, frozen lasagna, etc. Things only got stingy when I was a teenager. We went through financial hardships that were only made worse by my older brother and sister moving out (my parents helped support them while studying). My father was very particular about his own life, and didn't care about anyone else's. He started teaching in 1985 and every day Monday-Friday he would have a white bread sandwich with pickle spread and ham. He would have a bowl of Sustain with milk and a white coffee for breakfast and meat + potatoes/carrots/peas (the only veg he ate) for dinner. On weekends he would have three salada cracker 'sandwiches' with either vegemite, pickled onions or sometimes peanut butter. He would have six beers a night.
When we went broke, he refused to change his habits at all - not even getting homebrand crackers or bread. In about 2012, I was in high school and working part time in fast food on top of going to class. I paid for all of my own foods (I ordered lunches at school, and often ate at my fast food places before my shifts most nights) because there was literally NO food in the house. Besides my dad's foods (which he had organised exactly how much he ate each week, and if someone had a single crumb of cereal or drop of milk, it would throw him off) - there wasn't any food.
I'm glad that I had my mum around, because she did try her hardest to feed me on the limited budget we had - she would always get friday take out despite my dad hating take away foods.
When I was a child I used to dread my mum going away (she sometimes did HSC marking in the big city, where she was away for weeks, and sometimes went on school excursions, or visited my grandparents), because my dad would simply not even consider feeding us. It's like he didn't realise we existed - or he didn't know we needed food to survive.
It's bizarre, and it's not the exact same as the rest of these posts because neither were stingy out of selfishness, just ignorance and lack of money.
R177 you described a selfish mean father. And then denied that fact.
R177 had a very Roger Waters does Dickens feel...
Suzanne DePasse says on Rupaul's podcast that when she flew from New York to Detroit for her Motown job interview with Berry Gordy, he was served and ate breakfast while she watched him eat and was offered nothing.
R177, what did your mother eat? Did she eat away from home? Was she skinny?
To me, if a guy is withholding food from his kids, he’s subconsciously (or consciously) saying he doesn’t want any kids.
Why do women stay with these guys, or have kids in the first place, knowing they’ve married someone who begrudges their children food?
I know people used to think women should be married at all costs, and even a horrible husband was better than one at all, but how humiliating it must be to know that other parents are probably hearing from their kids that “that’s the family where the kids get no food.”
Also, R177, I used to live with an alcoholic and the budget was constantly being blown up because of his incessant drinking. A six pack a night on a tight budget is a lot of money. He was probably drinking the grocery money and there was no money left over for food.
That's the way my mother's family was [R51].
Mine too. I can't imagine any sort of get together involving family without lots to eat and drink. In fact, we are planning this year's Christmas dinner right now. And everyone is always encouraged to bring someone who might be alone for Christmas, yet we still end up with enough leftovers for everyone to take tons home.
I have a help yourself story. Im Guatemalan and when a tween (13 years old but looked 11) went to study for 2 months as an exchange student in Texas. The family was normal (tho Im sure evangelical deplorables) in thst they were neither stingy nor excessive with the food. I have never been a big eater and then I was extremely picky and it felt normal, a little too much in the housemeals. The funny thing about the help yourself is that where Im from that just doesnt happen. The first time I went with the mother to the grocery she asked what fruits I wanted, I said these and those, but because I was used to being served my meals (by either my mothet, grandmother or the help) the fruits went to waste in the fruit basket and she had to throw them. She didnt said anything or was weird about it but I was very ashamed. Also only the first school day she served me breakfast and said help yourself, well the rest of the days I didnt eat anything for breakfast and by lunchtime in school I was famished. In fact by mid morning I could only think about eating something. That went on for about 3 or 4 weeks until she may had realized my predicament and started serving me breakfast.
My family was pretty stingy with food. But that's because we were and still are poor. We'd eat rations of cheap pastas, hamburger, hotdogs, and pasta helpers and soups. We had a few rationed go to meals on rotations. Take out was a treat for us. I moved out years ago, and they still eat this way to this day.
I’ve got a few stingy food stories. My father came from a family of 10 children. He was the oldest. The brother next to him lived with my grandmother. Grandma got sick with cancer. My uncle was about 50 years old at the time. He got his “wife” to come care for Grandma after she came home from the hospital. The other children chipped in to pay her to do it. Thing was….no one knew he had a wife. My uncle had kept her and their 3 children stashed in town, just 5 miles away and managed to keep them a secret. The first time I saw the new aunt I realized she was the cashier we usually had at the Colonial Store grocery store in town.
Fast forward about 6 months and Grandma died on a Saturday morning. She and most of the family were very active in the church. The family had gathered at Grandma’s house (where the new aunt now lived) that same afternoon. The ladies from the church started bringing food. I remember platters of fried chicken, barbeque, roasts, homemade macaroni and cheese, cheese straws, some of the most beautiful cakes and pies I’ve ever seen, jugs and jugs of tea, pounds of coffee (even a huge coffee maker), and loads of other food.
The new aunt directed the ladies to take the food into the kitchen. Her sister stood ready with aluminum foil. Anything that was freezable was wrapped in foil and placed in Grandma’s huge freezer. The rest went in the refrigerator. New aunt said she was saving the food for a family get-together. No one except for my uncle really knew her, so they took her at her word.
Sunday and Monday, the food kept coming. I didn’t know what little barbaric shits they were at the time, so I had found new playmates in the 3 new cousins, so I was at Grandma’s house a lot. It was the same routine every day. Church ladies with food, food to kitchen, new aunt’s sister with the aluminum foil, food to freezer.
Grandma’s funeral was Tuesday afternoon. New aunt found a new role as social butterfly. She invited all the family and lots of other people at the funeral to Grandma’s house after the service. I’d guess probably 50 people showed up, including many of the ladies who had prepared the food. A few people brought even more food. Into the freezer it went. Everyone sat around and chatted for about 2 hours. People were looking around, wondering where the food was. Not a single morsel of food or drink ever appeared. People finally started leaving. We rarely got takeout food, but my parents took us to Hardees. There were about a dozen familiar faces in there.
The ironic thing is that new aunt told one of the church ladies that they could serve dinner at noon the next day. The lady said, “We’ll get right on it.” She then rolled her eyes and walked off. It looked like she shot the bird at her also, but I couldn’t swear to it.
R186 tale of woe also qualifies for the Ever Had A Soap Opera Moment In Your Life? (hidden family shows up.)
How did the freezer fit all this food? Did Grandma leave anything to this woman in the will? That's the next part of that story....
I grew up in an Italian family. You couldn't visit Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins without being expected to eat. And of course there's always the "help yourself" statement if you're visiting for any extended period of time. But I never felt comfortable doing that, with family or friends. Still don't.
R186 and the poster with the trailer trash in-laws are maddening. Did you every have much contact with your new aunt, R186? Get any of that surreptitious frozen food?
R137 I knew someone like that. She lived in a huge home with an inground pool, hot tub house, tiki bar etc. Perfect for entertaining. But she had no friends and hated having people over. Her husband was a phenomenal cook however. So, they would call everyone at seven pm to announce they were having a cookout/birthday/whatever and could we stop by. Knowing full well people would've already made plans. I swear this was by design so that she could look hospitable without actually being hospitable.
All these stories reminds me of something I read about Trump in one of the unauthorized books about him. When he was starting to make his way into Manhattan, he had a meeting with some big shots and invited them to his office for a lunch meeting. The lunch consisted of cheese sandwiches made from Kraft cheese slices on white bread and cans of Coke. Those who didn't drink soda weren't offered anything else and each person only received one sandwich.
R191, there was a story not too long ago about his eating and hosting habits.
He provides ice cream for dessert. One scoop for his guests and 2 scoops for him.
We all need to come back to this thread after the holidays and share our stingy holiday meal stories....
Why are people being called out for being pigs on this thread?
They see themselves described here and are deeply embarrassed. They are the same boorish trash who don't have the first clue (or enough money) about how to throw a proper party and should not even attempt to entertain.
Here's the story of my maternal grandparents (my paternal grandparents were the ones who ate Sunday dinner with us in the living room)
My maternal grandparents were from Northern Ireland. Both left home at age 16 and were sent to America, where they met, married and had 9 children. The father required all the boys to join the armed forces at age 17 and the girls to drop out of high school, get jobs and get married. My mother and her sisters were all married at 17 (except a sister who eloped at 16 and got married down south). My mother said her father believed he was being very nice to them because he let them stay until they were 17 and wasn't sending them to a foreign country. They had it easy, as far as he was concerned.
We kids went to a few parties at my maternal grandparents' house. There was no food, only alcohol. The only thing they had that we kids could drink was ginger ale, but my mother would take a teacup and fill it with about 1/4 cup ginger ale and let me and my sister have a few sips each because she was afraid they would run out of ginger ale and everyone would blame her kids.
I remember watching tv commercials with grandmas wearing aprons, baking cookies, having gray or white hair fashioned into buns, kissing and hugging their grandchildren and thinking, "TV is so fake!" The grandparents on those commercials were as real to me as Mortician and Gomez Adams, the Munsters or Martians. Totally made up fantasy beings.
I will say one thing about my roast-eating paternal grandparents - they gave us Christmas gifts. Nothing big -- a deck of cards, a board game to share when we visited. And my paternal grandmother knitted us (horrendous) cardigans or mittens for our birthdays. My maternal grandparents never gave us a gift. Hell, they couldn't even remember our names because they had about 40 grandchildren. Their house always smelled like Mr Clean ammonia and cooking gas.
Some Jewish family food stories. My Brooklyn grandparents on my father's side often had us over for Sunday afternoon meals and were always very generous with the food. My grandfather would pour ketchup on everything (including chicken soup and peanut butter sandwiches), to the endless fasciunation of us kids. The big BUT was that there was always another, better, dinner meal, waiting for my father's sister and her family who would come for dinner after we left. We never talked about it but we knew we had to leave by a certain time so the families wouldn't overlap. Once my grandfather inadvertently mentioned the great food that was coming later, and my grandmaother silenced him with a sharp exclamation.
One of my mother's aunts was a very stylish type (like an American Zsa Zsa) who rarely cooked (she had a cook sometimes) but for some reason invited us for one Thanksgiving. She had found some recipe that called for the turkey to be cooked at low temperature for THREE DAYS and it was the driest, most inedible meal we ever choked through. Also her apartment had the deepest shag carpet and you'd get a very strong shock when you'd touch a doorknob. I hated going there, you just could not avoid the constant shocks.
My family had a Code, which I don’t think was used just by them. FHB meant Family Hold Back, so guests could eat more. MIK meant More in Kitchen, meaning everybody could eat freely. I never heard this actually used in practice, as I can’t imagine talking over the heads of guests.
R198 someone here mentioned family hold back. I find it hysterical.
but why did they prepare a better meal for your dad's sister, R197? And why did they not want the two families to eat together?
Good question R200.
My grandparents used to do this with my mother and her brother but that's because my uncle was their son and my mother was just a daughter and therefore not deserving of better treatment.
I grew up in a normal middle middle class family and the idea that "family hold back" would be necessary is alien to me. How dumb or stingy are hosts that they don't prepare enough food for everyone?
I belong to the tradition of "sfuff the guest" and stuff everyone. Bounty. God even if money is tight if you have guests there is a way to have tons of food for everyone.
R202, my parents went through the Depression. People literally had almost “no money”. (Some did have none.) They would still have the less fortunate over. Especially the minister. And people still wanted to socialize, even when they had to really stretch the food, and you saw extended family on holidays, regardless. Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
When were you born?
But we are hearing stories from people who are not stingy but not because of poverty.
And you know, if you only have 10 bucks, you make a huge pot of beans and rice and hot sauce so everybody can still have a full plate. Everyone.
*one too many "nots"
And if money is tight, you can always arrange a potluck or just host fewer get-togethers or arrange for get-togethers that doesn't include quantities of food.
I wouldn’t trust a hostess who didn’t feed her own family what she was feeding me...
Look, kids can eat like pigs, especially boys. Families just wanted to make sure kids didn't eat everything before guests got there or during a party. It wasn't really being stingy with food..at least not in my experience.
"FHB" was a tradition in our house as well. First of all, we were expected to serve ourselves ONLY after the guests had been served. So, even when sitting formally on the table, we would pass the dishes to the guests, and then serve ourselves. 2) It was also in effect when people dropped in unexpectedly, or brought uninvited guests. 3) there were certain dishes that were naturally limited - Desserts, for instance, which are difficult to make in enough quantities for large groups. My mom had a standing FHB rule in effect for anything in the casserole dishes - she simply did not have casserole dishes large enough to make things in bulk.
Two famous hosts who didn't serve much (or very good) food were director George Cukor and interior decorator Elsie de Wolfe, who were both notoriously cheap.
Regular guests ate beforehand, and just resigned themselves to the fact that the whole reason they were going was for the glittering company assembled.
I guess what I find most remarkable about this is not that these people have no sense of propriety, but they seem incapable of shame, or even mild embarrassment. Do they seriously not know that the instant guests leave their home they are going to be talked about behind their backs with other people in their social circle? Are they hard-wired differently or do they just live with it because the cost savings is too much of a plum to them?
I think some people take the whole "reciprocating" a little too seriously. Like I'm not feeding these people because they never invite me over. Some people really won't do something unless there is something in it for them.
"The food was awful, and such small portions"
I don't think there is any motive. People who don't like you will not go to the trouble of inviting you to their home. I think these so called "stingy" people are just really clueless. They don't have any experience with entertaining and what it really takes to throw a decent party.
I have the opposite problem. I'm always afraid there won't be enough food so I have a ton of leftovers. I end up throwing a lot of stuff out, even after guests take some of it home.
A very successful attorney of my acquaintance invited me and my partner to a barbecue at her house, along with a dozen or so of her working associates. Normal Southern California barbecues usually involve such things as steak, ribs, pork, chicken, fish, etc., or some combination thereof, as the main course. Not this one. It was hamburgers. Period. A glorified weenie roast with a couple of uninteresting side dishes and salads. The worst part was that the hamburgers were loaded with some kind of bread filler—not for the taste, but because—by the hostess' own admission—it stretched the hamburger further. The patties themselves were tiny and thin (quite unlike the hostess) (okay, that was bitchy, but she deserves it) and were cooked beyond recognition. And each guest was allotted TWO only (as if). Despite this restriction, there were several hamburgers left over, since they were almost impossible to choke down.
Yeah, I know—I was an invited guest and the barbecue didn't cost me anything except for a nice bottle of wine and a pear pie I brought as a dessert, but I'd think that an attorney who earns an annual income well into six figures could at least afford to spring for a couple of fucking pork chops or something.
[R197] here - the only reason that makes sense to me as to why we got a lesser meal from the grandparents than my aunt's family is that my grandmother liked to keep her three children uneasy and enjoyed making trouble. She would often make snippy comments about each child to the others. Grandma didn't like my mom (can't imagine why, as Mom was and is a sweetheart) and wasn't happy if Dad's sisters were congenial to us. Our families did get together somewhat regularly on weekend afternoons, but it was plain that Grandma didn't like the spouses of any of her children, though one of my uncles almost never spoke and I think my Grandma was in awe that she couldn't get a rise out of him. Grandma never spoke to her eight siblings and made sure that my Grandpa was alienated from his family, too. The only time we met these relatives was at funerals.
Getting back to food, when Grandma slowed down and stopped cooking regularly, we'd have them over for meals and she'd always compare my Mom's dishes to her (better) fare. She'd rhapsodize over the meals she had served in the past. If my Grandpa complimented Mom's cooking, Grandma would sit and stew. She loved to slop chicken fat on everything, which my Mom didn't, so that was a point of contention. Grandma's Depression-era specialties inlcuded chicken fat (grieven) sandwiches, which my Dad would smack his lips over in memory. Also borscht with sour cream and homemade pickled peppers, which I never went near.
No offense, R18, but your granma was quite the bitch.
Some years ago, I was new to a teaching job and was surprised to find out another teacher had the habit of volunteering her house for the annual holiday party. Teddy was known for being crabby and rigid, but not malicious, just a weird middle-aged woman with poor social skills, not the entertaining type. Everybody brought food and drink and the hostess provided plates, cups, utensils. She put out disposable plastic cups and utensils, except they had been previously used and more than once judging from the wear and tear on the plastic. Plus, the cups were kind of greasy/tacky on the outside, presumably inside as well. None of it cost her a dime unless she counted how much she paid for utilities; I got the sense that it entered into her calculations of what her fair contribution to the group festivities was. Plus it saved her a tank of gas.
I ment R218
R147 it can be hard to explain what you do or don’t eat and why and “but plants have feelings. We were made to eat animals” and similar bullshit.. if they bring their own food then they can eat, you can eat, and you can visit with them. From experience she can just get her own food for her and her husband. I’ve been vegan for a few years now and I always bring my own food now when I eat with others (or if they seem combative to me about it I’ll eat before arriving). Too many times I’ve had to talk/defend/explain why I eat the way I do and don’t expect anyone else to understand or eat the way I do. At first there would be discussions of what I do/don’t eat. Fine. They would make me something. After a few bites “oh I just remembered I put butter in this. Oh darn it, I put mayo in that. I just remembered I put eggs in this.” Last time I ran into this I went back and fourth with someone who just HAD to make “sloppy Joes” for me and my bf that were vegan in addition to their own “sloppy joes” for everyone else. I tried to tell her I’d just figure something out for us but she insisted. Since I’m vegan for a while I told her what I would do but it would be easier for me to just bring along what me and my bf would eat. I brought backup beyond meat crumbles and a couple containers of sloppy joe mix with me. Well. When she showed me her containers of meat and fixings and then said “You don’t eat meat do you? I said no I do not. She then said, I don’t know what you are going to do for food then, this is all I got.” I went to the car and got my food. I’ve been down this path before. So just let you niece? bring her own food and eat it. Chances are she’s already dealt with this before. She wants to hang out with you and does not care what you think about what she eats. Does not want to discuss it either.
I brought backup beyond meat crumbles
What is a meat crumble?
A vegan who doesn’t want to discuss what they eat and why they eat it?
Looks like ground hamburger
R225 - exactly, just like the Crossfit guy who never mentions Crossfit.
R225 we really don’t but everyone always want to make it the topic of discussion. At family events people won’t even try the food I make thinking something is weird about it. Last time my aunt pulled that shit on me I waited until she started eating chips and salsa and then started screaming “don’t eat that don’t eat that , it’s vegan”
R225 or the gay man that never mentions he’s into cock.
Looks like ground hamburger
Yes. As you in the last few posts here. I bring up vegan and did not say why or how anyone else should The responses are fakefoodtard, crossfit, and not believing that people can make a personal choice that is not up for argument about it. Seems to hit a trigger with people
Ugh,R223 sounds insufferable. I bet she doesnt get asked over twice.
^ I bet she does. Sound so clever.
Went to a work Christmas party once at the home of an Indian colleague. They didn't have any booz at all. People knew this ahead of time and brought their own (the host suggested we do so). Lots of wine bottles and not a single cork screw in the house. Luckily I had one in my car (whew!) and a good time was had by all. Although I did get some bitchy comments from some of the non-drinking Indians about having a corkscrew in my car--- like I was some kind of degenerate for being prepared. LOL. Idiots. I saved their party.
R234 did their house smell of curry?
Or curry crumbles?
How did vegans take over this thread?
We almost have world domination!
But are you stingy, crumblecunts?
Don’t have to be. They won’t eat anything that’s vegan. Annonmacunt
What are you (and your crumbles) doing here then?
I nominate "crumblecunt" as the funniest thing ever. I laughed so hard my stomach is sore.
You are too easily amused R242.
ANYWAY, back in stingy land...
A party was hosted by a pair of minimalists. Each plate had a few layered medallions of beef, a baby carrot, and a swoop of demiglace droplets on the side.
That was all.
So fitting the thread was ended by vegans,
Stingy food whores can suck it!
Why has this thread been hijacked by vegans? We do not have any interest in your "parsimony,"
R245 / R247 - Yes, vegans are stupid. Move on.
I seem to recall an account of dinner chez Jobs (as in Steve) consisting solely of shredded carrot.
When we Filipinos have a party, we serve enough food to feed the whole block. So imagine my shock when attending my high school friend's wedding reception held at his parent's back yard ("Come for a nosh" the invitation read), and being served hors d'oeurves of olives and cheese, potato chips, and finger sandwiches that tasted like buttered grass. I left that place starving.
My mother used to be part of a monthly card club where all the ladies took turns hosting. When it was Mom's turn she would hide the good candy- bridge mix(!) - in creative places all over the house. She would have tea sandwiches she wouldn't begin to make until we kids were off to school. We had a second fridge in the basement and I would go out that way to leave for school so knowing the meat/cheese was hidden in that fridge I'd take it all out and leave it on the dryer having half bit into the cheese, ham and turkey.
R251 is a deranged lunatic
r251 is enjoying his computer half-hour at whichever SuperMax he lives in.
I'm always stressed out when I'm asked to bring a dish. I spend a lot of energy trying to think of something good to bring, and once at the party, I'm constantly checking up on my dish to see how popular it is among the guests (who's eating it and how much). And it's never even something I made myself! I guess I'm just too competitive.
Once I threw a party and ran out of food so I had to serve individual pieces of Corn Flakes with peanut butter carefully spread on each individual flake.
#27 Before Star Jones was married she rented a house in the Hamptons and hosted her own birthday party there. She wouldn't allow anyone into the house to use the bathroom but had PortaPotties on the lawn instead. She served herself and a few favored friends posh food like lobster,etc. in a roped-off area and the rest of the guests got hot dogs and burgers.
Haha - I just received my annual invitation to my cousin's "Cousins and spouses only, no parents or children" pre-Christmas eve dinner which she holds annually so that cousins from out of town can get together and catch up. She invites all the cousins, and after everyone has accepted, she calls us up individually and very, very charmingly asks us to cook our "very special paella/crabcakes/lobster salad/ham/tiramisu/shrimp alfredo - no one makes it as good as you!" dishes. One year we compared notes and discovered that the only thing she was contributing was the house, and the dishes. She never reveals who else is doing the cooking and which dishes they brought. She serves our food in her fine china. It would be fine if she just called it a potluck, but she likes to show it off as her dinner, and this way she controls the menu. Its a bit annoying that on top of all the other christmas preparations, we need to find time and space to prepare a dish for her dinner, but she IS very charming and great fun, and her palatial house does provide room for all of us to get together. And she knows that those she hasnt asked to prepare a dish will bring the inevitable bottle of wine, so there is plenty of booze.
Seems like I am making my "famous - and so so good!" (her words!) spicy carrib shrimp this year.
One of our autistic son's routines was to drag his family over every Sunday to watch Ed Sullivan, which his mother and I hated, on our color TV.
They would arrive when we were about to eat supper, but they never brought any food. Were they expecting us to feed and clean up after them? My wife and I would eat our supper in the dining room and they would watch tv in the living room, and then they would leave when the show ended. I guess they got what they wanted--they never complained. They must have eaten before coming over, because they never asked to eat with us, and like I said, never offered to bring food.
We didn't know what autism was when he was growing up, but we learned to live our lives in spite of his behaviors instead of building our lives around then. He was a good son, but different. I think ones of his kids is gay.
Holy shit R256! Fame don't buy class.
I wonder if r258 is getting the response he anticipates.
Every time I read this headline, I wonder "How IS Gordon Sumner with food?"
Are we supposed to guess which long dead celeb R258 is referring to?
Bravo, R258. That was surely more interesting and more imaginative than Cat Person!
R257 I think you should horrify her by saying there was some emergency, but you stopped and got some Ritz crackers and cheese wiz!
If do not understand r258 you didn't read this whole thread.
Berry Gordy is now a salt-free vegan
Weird former friend would invite us all over for a “party” and serve soup and bread. That was it, soup and bread. Both homemade, neither very good. No snacks, cheese, chips, etc.; no “party food.” More like prison food. No, she was not poor, she was very cheap. She did usually bake a dessert, though, and those were better. These affairs were always byob.
You should have brought some tuna or cold cuts or something to put between her bread. Tell her you're a diabetic and need protein with a heavy carb meal. But just bring enough for yourself. If you have guts let the rest of the guests get some too.
After eating three pumpkin pies on Thanksgiving, my sister told me to stay away from the ice cream and cake. Cheap, food negative cunt!
She served herself and a few favored friends posh food like lobster,etc. in a roped-off area and the rest of the guests got hot dogs and burgers.
I wonder if my former neighbor was the chef. That was her "speciality." She did hot dogs, burgers, salads (macaroni, Cole slaw, potato). She lived next door to me for about 8 years and worked every weekend in summer. Sometimes she worked in the upstate summer communities, too. You'd be surprised how many people have standard bbq fare at parties in the Hamptons. Pool parties almost always have standard backyard food. Lots of kids and teen pool parties, but adults, too. People want to relax and enjoy the party -- even a casual pool party -- so they hire a chef and a few cater waiters. My neighbor also brought the ice and non alcoholic beverages.
So I prepared a YUGE Christmas Eve meal and these people barely ate anything. There's like one scoop of food missing from each serving platter, and there was 9 of us. What do you call that, when people don't eat your food? I think they filled up on shrimp cocktail.
You're a lot more tolerant of that mess than I would be R15. For wedding no. 2 the most somebody's gonna get out of me is a "good luck" card.
In our family we have more than enough food and my sis when she’s entertaining you could feed an army !
my friend once told me how dinner in his parents house would go. every part of the dish would be served separately. soup, salad, sides, meat...all serarately. everyone was only allowed to eat as long as his dad was eating. as soon as he was done, everybody had to stop, the plates would be cleared and the mother would bring in the next part of the meal. they were 3 boys, and the father had put the fear of god into them for some reason. he would eat incredibly fast, as well and sometimes skip dishes entirely, so the kids would never know how much time they had to stuff their faces. all 3 of them are the nicest dudes you can imagine. it took them YEARS to unlearn this kind of shit. it only came up one day because he and his then gf (now wife) were over for a bbq. he slipped my dog a tiny bit of his burger and the girl actually gasped - because it was the first time she saw him sharing food without being explicitly asked. nobody knows why his dad did what he did. they were not rich, but far from poor.
Maybe the dad was disappointed that they were all "dudes," r274.
I find American food portions to be huge. I love going to decent restaurants where I’m not presented with a mound of deep fried garbage. However, when we entertain there’s tons of food and everyone takes leftovers home. It’s just the worst manners to have people over and not feed them.
I grew up in a Greek house, with a mom who worked but cooked every meal my two siblings and I ate from scratch. There was always an of abundance food.
I feel secondhand embarrassment when I am a guest and not offered something to eat or drink. Hospitality is of vital importance.
How was this excellent thread not updated with holiday horror stories?
Perhaps someone's stomach will be growling through a slice of spam and an ancient dyed hard boiled egg this weekend...
God yes. Many years ago I was invited to the home of a guy I worked with to watch a movie with him, the wife, and their 2 kids. He said "don't eat first, my wife will have something to eat". I got there at 6 and her selection of food was, wait for it, microwave popcorn! I didn't partake as I'm not a fan of popcorn. I noticed she didn't even bring out anything for the family to drink. After about 30 minutes of popcorn eating she pops out of the kitchen and says, again wait for it, 'WHO'S FOR WATER"! I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Cheap ass bitch.
^^^^I think they did have something, they just ate it before you got there. Or the wife was PISSED that the husband volunteered her to cook, so she showed him!!!!
I married a Jewish guy who had a step-Italian family. They had a family tradition of these dumplings which looked like wontons with lots of cinnamon. I happily went to our first Christmas there and ate a bowl of those wontons, which had a fancy Italian name. The second course was more wontons. The third course was also wontons. I asked my husband where the turkey and gravy were and THEN he tells me that the entire meal was those wontons. I was starving on Christmas Day and these fat Italians ate literally hundreds of those wontons. I don’t remember dessert or anything, but I had to eat Cheetos on my way back home. That was the Thanksgiving tradition too and I had to sit in front of thousands of wontons. I was miserable and now we are divorced. I go crazy when I see or hear the word “wonton”.
^were those Tortelli di zucca?
R257 total bullshit that she passes it off as her own. You all know and everyone is going to ask who made which delicious dish. fuckery.
I can't believe an Italian family only served wontons. Are you sure that crappy meal wasn't just reserved for their stepchildren??
nobody knows why his dad did what he did. they were not rich, but far from poor.
I know why. He was bat shit crazy.
I was invited to a birthday party for the first person who turned 30 in our group of friends. We were scattered all over the country and rarely saw each other anymore but decided to make our friend's party a homecoming get together. We flew and drove in from all over. The party was at a venue that he had rented and we were instructed to bring our own alcohol. Not uncommon since alcohol is expensive in our country. We dressed upp, brought our presents and bottles of wine and booze and went to the party at seven... only to realise that the "party" was a big empty room with a few sad balloons and very loud music and the only "food" that was served was two big bowls of chips and some breadsticks. That was it. We didn't expect a fancy dinner, but we did expect some kind of buffet food. At ten, we all were starving, and drunk, and a group of us decided to just leave and go to the nearest pizza place. At least the birthday boy got a lot of presents and free alcohol that we left behind.
My aunt by marriage is notoriously stingy with food. We were invited to the christening of their kid. The christening was at eleven, so we had to leave at nine. The service dragged on until after one o'clock and then we had to drive an hour to their place. We got there at like 2.30 and everybody was starving. An hour later they brought out the food. Two small sandwiches per person, the British triangle type. One triangle with tuna and one with ham, plus coffee. Then a thin slice of cake. We left as soon as we possible could and went to the nearest fast food restaurant where two other families who also were invited to the christening showed up, looking desperate for food. My grandparents, the parents of my uncle, were mortified. They have always been extremely generous with food and family gatherings always ncluded huge buffets where everybody got a doggy bag with leftovers to take home.
The aunt also hosted the family dinner after my grandfather passed away and the servings were similar to the reception at the christening. My grandmother then made my mother promise to make sure that there would be plenty of food after her funeral. It was surreal.
R-282 I was hoping someone here would name those "wontons". There was some soupy liquid with them and they did not taste like Chinese wontons. I don't even like Chinese wontons but these had a cheesy, cinnamon-y taste and I did not feel comfortable making fun of them, like I normally would have. It was a venerable tradition from wherever they were. Their desserts were amazing though. Can you imagine the time it took to make those? Is that your tradition too? If it is please ignore my insulting manner.
R-282 They did not have mostarda in them. Now I'm having fantasies of pumpkin, lobster ravioli and boar ragu. Yum!!! I'm not a complete Philistine. :))
The eclair scenario would send me in a rage!
This weekend the desserts were being held hostage. This gorgeous cake had been sitting out with the spread. An hour after dinner, I went to slice into it. I was told No, they were going to serve it. Another hour later, still no cake. I started slicing it up and said Sorry, the statute of limitations has run out on you telling me when I can have dessert
A coworker's reception, at a rented hall, consisted of canned sodas, large bowl of peanuts (out of the shell at least) & a large bowl of M&M's. If you wanted any other drink, you had to buy it at the bar. The cake was a large sheet cake you buy at any grocery store - only one, for about 100 guests! And the DJ - oh, wait, there was none. Only a boom box with a variety of CD's & cassettes, of which a young child was in charge. Why have a reception at all, if it had to be like this? I stayed ten minutes, then left, the restroom being near the back door was my savior.
I'm a real bitch when it comes to food.
R291 that was the Money Grabbto end all Money Grabs.
Hospitality and the generous sharing of food seems to be a dying tradition. We used to go to my former inlaw's house on every major holiday and most every Sunday where everyone would be fed to the gills. This was an Irish-American/French American household and it was considered sinful not to be generous with both wine, beer and great food. If you had too much, you just stayed over with the family until you could drive home. After their death, the children tried to keep up the tradition on the major holidays, but divorce, family fighting, and distance made it difficult. No one ever put out the spread that Granma did and someone was always getting upset about something. I think about her Easter lamb, with the homemade mint sauce and roasted potatoes, every year.
My mother in law is really stingy with food. It's not because of money in her case, but she is just too lazy to be bothered with it. She and my father in law eat mostly sandwiches and anytning more complicated than that makes her behave like a martyr. I want to have something more substantial than a slice of white bread and cheese for dinner. She usually buys something from the deli for dinner when we come, but it's always "do you want dinner.... or not?" and we are expected to say no. On the rare occasion that she did make dinner she marched up to me before she started cooking and asked "how many potatos do you want?". I had no idea so I said "two, maybe" and that's exactly what I got: two small overcooked potatos with some meat and that was all there was. A pickle was the "vegetables". I had to get a snack in our bedroom right after dinner.
When we have them over for dinner she always cleans the plates. I am always terrified of not having enough food for guests so I always make a lot. But there is never anything left after she is done. The first time they were here I made a roast and lots of potatoes. She had a huge serving and then said "I just need one more potato, grabbed the bowl and served herself the eight (?) potatos that were left in it. Yes, I counted. She also drank a bottle and a half of wine, got tipsy and started crying and talking about her previous illnesses. Great memories.
i dont understand this! if you dont want to host, dont host!
They host because they are control freaks.
Went to a dinner party with a friend who warned me in advance the host was "odd" .We pull up to a beautiful home that was expensively furnished ,and as the host greets us he tells us to help ourselves at the bar but dont use the good liquor,use the cheap shit instead. I was literally speechless,but went along for my friends sake. The host of course used the good stuff to make his own drinks. I wanted to curse that queen out and leave,but again,for my friends sake I went along. I had peeked into the kitchen and saw an enormous prime rib sitting there so I told myself at least Id eat well. When dinner was served,it was a tablespoon of 2 sides and a paper thin slice of prime rib and that was it. No dessert,no seconds,nada.
I asked my friend why in the hell he was friends with such a stingy bitch and he said "well,hes very wealthy and very smart" and I was like "Big deal,hes a fucking miser" ! To be fair,the guy was very generous with weed,and was in fact a witty and intelligent person,but I couldnt be friends with someone so cheap.
The rich are undoubtedly among the worst offenders.
Last year I was asked by a friend to be on a committee to select films for a festival given by the local art museum. As there was no pay involved the head of the committee, a wealthy widower on the museum board, invited the five of us to dinner at his beautiful old house. We were expecting an elegant feast.
The house wasn't a disappointment but dinner certainly was. There was an old cleaning lady/maid who apparently doubled as his cook which was the first hint this might be a disaster. She announced we'd be having prime rib for dinner and passed cocktails. There was no choice, just the unnamed "house speciality" which was mostly club soda flavored with a hint of gin and some strong bitters. No hors d'oeuvres were served and no one was offered - or wanted - a second drink.
Soup was beef consomme which could have been Campbell's disguised with a slight lacing of sherry. It was at least hot but not filling. At dinner, no food was passed. The maid carried in plates with food on them, two at a time.
The "prime rib" was grisly, dry roast beef, a meager slice about two by four inches. It was accompanied by three thin stalks of asparagus and about two tablespoons of mashed potatoes. The potatoes had been squeezed from a piping bag into a rosette and sprinkled with paprika.
No wine was served but we were offered iced tea or "sparkling water" (more club soda, not mineral water). Due to the slow service, the food was cold as well as inadequate. Dessert was a variety of petits fours, prettily cut in half to show the layers. However there were only 12 halves, enough for each of us to have one petit four.
While we were being led back into the living room, our host offered us brandy. I couldn't resist and said, "I never drink on an empty stomach." Luckily everyone laughed including the host.
R298 I'd wonder if we were at the same dinner except mine had no pot. Probably just as well since it makes you hungry!
Along with this no food trend is making people wait ridiculous amounts of time for the food. I was told to come to a luncheon at 11:30am and we didn't get fed until 3:00pm - and there were no chips or dips on offer while we all waited. And only last week I went to a friend's house for dinner at 7:00, only to see him pitting the roast in the oven at 8:00 (Sorry, I'm running a bit late!) and waiting another two hours to be fed on a weeknight.
It's got to the stage where I carry food in my car so I can nip out and have something to eat if I'm either waiting too long or starving because of the shitty portions.
This irritates me as a host:
I have casual dinner parties all the time and always make more than enough, and have adequate drinks. Somehow, one of my oldest friends has taken to checking out my refrigerator and wanting other items...like yogurt, cold cuts, leftovers, items that aren't party food. I'm not stingy, but it is annoying to cater to his personal taste. Also, I keep a small but well-stocked bar, but he will complain and bring some off-the wall micro beer or similar and drink that. If I attempt to please and buy his last beer, he will turn up his nose at it....even a week after saying how great it was.
His partner eats and drinks anything I make.
^^last beer he brought over
She told the waiter "Your wine list is shitty and overpriced!" He told her the names of their off menu wines. "Ugh! They're disgusting!". The whole time, I was making faces at the waiter. Sis couldn't see me because she was so worked up over her performance, throwing her arms out and grandly gesticulating. I stuck my finger next to my temple and pretended to pull a trigger. I put my index finger in front of my ear, twirled it around, crossed my eyes & stuck out my tongue. The waiter was trying so hard to keep a straight face, and it was INFURIATING sis.
R100, you’re a doll! You made that poor waiter’s and manager’s day instead of your sister spoiling it.
R302, your friend is a brat.
The problem with people is they make no effort to get along with others.
I would not dream of not serving plentiful, good food to guests and would try and cater to their needs because I enjoy it. By the same token, if someone has served me a home cooked meal, I would gratefully eat it and if I was on a diet I would quietly break it and eat the bread and the pasta or whatever out of respect
Was his name Micheal,R299 ? Huge gorgeous ranch house in Old Orlando ? Right next to a gorgeous ravine? I just realized IF he is still alive,he must be ancient !
She will push leftovers on me and tell me to take food home while telling me how fat I am in the same breath. She's infuriating.
My mother used to be like that. She once handed me an Easter basket, then declared that I was too fat to "deserve" chocolate. I was 19 at the time, btw, and had in no way, shape, or form ASKED HER for a fucking Easter basket, wtf.
I grew a spine a few years later and told her off for it, and she doesn't do shit like that anymore.
Haha this thread is hilarious. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of stingy food, as eating is not among my interests. I like seeing friends and family to talk to them, not to stuff my face. Food is not that expensive anyway, with all the diverse tastes out there, people can get what they want to eat when they want and don’t need me to provide it.
HOWEVER I used to like putting out lots of food because I remember being a kid, always hungry from growing I guess, and being excited at the sight of a big spread of junk. These days everyone is always at my house because we have a pool, biggest TV, etc. Before long people stopped being excited about the food display, they were really there to jump in the pool anyway. After a few weeks of tons of leftover crap that we didn’t want in the fridge (& guests didn’t want it either) I stopped sweating it and would just put out a few snacks or whatever.
Then last Labor Day rolled around and, horror of horrors, we grilled hot dogs but somehow forgot to restock the mustard !!!! Oh the humanity. By the time we figured it out, everyone was too drunk to drive to the store for it. I can only imagine the shit my friends had to say about me in the aftermath of that debacle.
PS in case any of those friends are reading here, sorry, I hope when the weather turns warm this year you will have found it in your hearts to forgive me hahahahaha
R62 IDK where that “European” mother was from but I’ve been to Czech weddings (in Prague) and that’s how it’s done there - early afternoon ceremony at the courthouse or church, long break, reconvene at bar in evening to get even more shitfaced than usual.
If a person, who can afford it, is stingy with food, then he shouldn’t invite anyone to a dinner or party. Also, a person who behaves in this manner, is extremely selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive. It’s cruel to allow a person to be hungry and not offer sufficient food. These people are likely selfish in other areas of their life, too. They are toxic and they don’t deserve your time and energy.
Why do women stay with these guys, or have kids in the first place, knowing they’ve married someone who begrudges their children food?
Because they're weak.
r308, you should make it clear to people that you are not feeding them. Usually the timing of the invitation leads people to have a clue. If you invite people over at noon, they will expect lunch. 2 pm, not lunch but certainly a beverage should be offered, if not a light snack as well. Evening hours are trickier, 6 pm may be for cocktails only or people may be expecting dinner. If you know people well enough to invite them to your house and to swim in your pool, they must know you well enough to assume you are stingy with food. However, I would still say "why don't you come over Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours and hang out in the pool? Bring some snacks if you want food."
My mother taught me to ALWAYS have a couple of bottles of wine, a jar of olives, some crackers and cheese on hand in case someone unexpectedly overstays their welcome, drops by or decides to move the party back to your house. It is inconceivable to me to have people over and not offer them something or be weirdly stingy with it.
I can’t imagine having people over and not offering food. Even just ordering pizza. Something.
R302, why don't you call your friend out on his rudeness, and tell him to GTFO of your fridge!
This story would be perfectly normal if the people involved weren't stinking rich. I had and aunt and uncle (both long dead) who lived in a grand colonial mansion. When they had people visiting it was always noted that my aunt would make sure the lady who cooked for them always prepared one serving of every dish for each person, no more. And the servings weren't even remotely satisfying in size. That was the way they lived and she would not change the rules for company. My parents learned to never accept an invitation from them unless it was to go out to a restaurant. Another set of relatives who visited them for a few days actually had to pretend they needed to run errands or do take their daily constitutionals after meals just so they could go get something to eat.
I think we're distant family r315. My cousin's wife is the worst for this. The last time we were invited to their house for dinner she made a roast, a bowl of mashed potatoes and a bowl of frozen vegetables. The moment everyone had their slice of roast and a small serving of the sides she whisked the food off the table saying "well I'll be making shepherd's pie out of this tomorrow!" In other words, don't even think about asking for seconds.
We were also each issued one of those little individual plastic bottles of wine that come in those cardboard 4 packs. No light appetizer or the offer of a glass of wine before dinner either. She is a piece of work.
The funny thing is we host the family Xmas Eve dinner and she isn't the least bit shy about asking if they can take some take some leftover. Sure, fine...help yourself but I'm not exaggerating when I say she carted off at least 5 pounds of ham last year plus sides.
Oh well...better my partner's and my house than theirs. No one ever leaves here hungry or wishing for another glass of wine to get thru dinner.
I despise petty and selfish people. I’vr removed them all from my life.
My husband's father ruled his working class household. His mother waited hand and foot on the father and like the family mentioned in a postcard above, food was served one dish at a time. .
First his mother would put a salad on the table. Only one serving was placed in the middle of the table. My husband would immediately pick it up and eat it. I would watch him eat it as his mother asked me, "Would you like some salad?"
"Sure," I answered. But I never got any. The single serving she placed on the table that my husband ate was "the salad." There wasn't any more.
Then came various pieces of food, served one at a time. No one got to serve themselves. His mother plopped food on our plates, then sat down. About a half an hour later, after nonstop gabbing, his mother would get up and bring a pot or glass dish of food from the stove and repeat tbe act of placing food on our plates. Then she'd sit down for the next half hour, yakking the whole time.
After about two hours, his father got up and cut some meat that was sitting on a counter. He always hacked the meat into tiny bits -- well, it had been sitting there for at least an hour, waiting to be cut. And that was the end of the meal -- splinters of meat served by his mother.
Dessert was a tin of those horrible Danish butter cookies from the drugstore.
After several holidays, I refused to go there again.
Food is not that expensive anyway, with all the diverse tastes out there, people can get what they want to eat when they want and don’t need me to provide it.
R308, if that’s your attitude, then fine, live and let live, provided you don’t host guests or throw parties, ever.
Oh, and they didn't have a dining room. We had to eat at a small table in the kitchen. Since I was the skinniest, I was placed in a chair up against the wall, with the table shoved into my stomach. Good times.
It's not that his parents didn't like me. They were just rude, stupid, uncouth people
The guy with the pool and hot dogs sounds like a douche and better not be over 25.
I seriously can't believe that some people ask to take leftovers home. I've never come across this. When I host, I always have way too much food and ask everyone if they want to take leftovers home. The answer is always no.
R86-frau who needs to go away.
I would end friendships and relationships over such behavior.
I had an outdoor party and put candles on the dinner tables with fresh fruit, herbs, snacks, etc. My partner's sister took all of the stuff from her table and a few others as things wrapped up. Everyone was "happy" and it was dark so she must have thought she didn't need to ask. She does this at other weddings, etc. In addition to asking for leftovers...including unopened wine bottles.
She has never invited us over and I am grateful.
Back when I actively entertained I always made sure I sent a goody bag home with every guest. I always had a supply of those round aluminum containers with crimp covers at the ready to provide each guest with at least one more full meal from all the leftovers, including dessert. I had someone say to me once "I always love coming here because I know I'll eat well the next day".
That's sweet r326, but you must have liked your guests.
R324, I totally agree. People who are stingy with food are highly offensive. They are selfish, petty and cruel. I’d immediately end the relationship and “friendship”. This bespeaks of a person’s character. If they act this way toward food, they certainly act this way in other areas of their lives.
i love how people call their friends/family stingy for not serving them car sized portions including second helpings and a doggy bag containing another full meal. you don't sound fat at all.
That's sweet [R326], but you must have liked your guests.
I always make it a practice to never let anyone I don't like in my house.
This thread is great. I have a stingy SIL story. Husband’s side of family had a reunion and there were people from all over the US attending. SIL invites everyone over to see her “new place” and to have a get-together for her daughters birthday. It turns out to be a 2.5 hour drive one-way, in a new development out in the boonies. No fast food or other restaurants nearby. So we get there, tour the house, etc. but not a speck of food or drink in sight. Elderly aunts and young kids all caravaned out to her place, and were expecting something. Sandwiches? Chips? Water? Finally it’s time for cake what a nightmare she had already-used paper plates, I couldn’t even eat the cake it was so gross. Then it’s getting to be late in the day and nobody’s even had lunch. Seeing that people are getting antsy for something to eat, she pulls a frozen roast out of the freezer and says “I could defrost a roast” to which all politely decline. Then we left as quickly as we could - for the 2.5 hour drive back to civilization and a chance of getting something to eat. Husband says “eh, that’s just the way she is”. But we’ve never been back. Oh and it’s a large family with several siblings and everyone else is generous and puts out a large spread of good food and drink whenever there’s get-togethers.
Holiday party at husbands work, typically elegant catered affairs. One year a coworker insisted on hosting the annual event at his home. A committee still ordered the food; all this guy had to do was keep it warm - and provide beverages and a dessert Everyone attending pays a fee to cover food costs. So we arrive on the day of, and there is minimal food. Turns out he cancelled part of the order (he didn’t have enough cash to cover the costs, he says. That alone pissed people off since it had already been pre-ordered and people paid). And then, he had let his 5 kids eat first, about an hour before the party started. And they had been like locusts. So not a very good start to a work party. Somehow it was decided to get more food - Chicken - and he and 2 others, including my husband, set out to get more food. They were gone forever. There’s no appetizers, only entrees, and really not much of that left, so people are not thrilled. When the group with the Chicken return to the party, this guy goes over to his liquor cabinet and tries to sneak a drink of his best brandy - without having to share -but others see him do it, so he’s forced to begrudgingly share. Lastly, there is no dessert. Not even holiday cookies. So his wife grabs a big bag of holiday M & M’s and walks it around to everyone to ask if we want “candy for dessert”. Of course almost nobody does. I hadn’t been feeling well that evening and a short while later I became really ill and had to leave. I found out later everyone else left right after we did.
R332, they probably used you as the excuse to escape. Did the company do anything to the guy, like make him pay back the “unused” money?
I used to have a friend with seven kids in the family when I was a kid. They were dirt poor. Never had any extra food, the kids ate meals at the table three times a day with no snacks and no seconds. Everything was rationed in that house, food, shampoo, everything. At Christmas if they were lucky, maybe the mom would make rice krispie treats or something, once.
My guess is your coworker’s kids never get any extra food, let alone get to eat as much as they like, so when they saw a bunch of extra food, they went wild and gorged themselves. They’re probably hungry all the time and this was a rare occasion when they didn’t have a parent hovering over them rationing food. Growing kids are always hungry. If times are that tough, he should apply for food stamps, not try to screw over his own company to feed his kids.
I feel sorry for the kids, because I saw how it was at my friend’s house. But the parents are incompetent managers. And plainly the guy knew what would happen or he wouldn’t have insisted the party happen at his place. That implied he looked forward to doing this for weeks or months. Go to a food pantry if you’re that hungry and don’t let your coworkers know.
[R333], a curious thing but nobody ever found out what happened to the “missing” money, although there was lots of speculation about it. That particular person had a bit of a reputation as a cheapskate -and then saying it was his wife’s fault. He did make a lot of money, but I do know that raising kids is extremely expensive. You are probably right. It surely didn’t endear him to his fellow co-workers though.
Doing something like that can derail somebody’s whole career. No way can that level of fuck-up in front of the entire staff, including higher-ups, be brushed under the rug. There went his raise at best, or maybe his opportunity to get his next promotion.
I used to work for a company that had regular lunches and dinners for the staff, often catered in. Often department heads would assign some employee to put them on. Every person in the company would have been aware of a screw up like this situation, right up to the company President. There’s not many things you can do to get the attention of management high above you, but this is one of them. It’s basically embezzlement.
If the company didn’t hold his feet to the fire about this somehow, I’d be surprised.
R308 here, I probably am a douche! But still better off with a sense of humor.
Some of you are ridiculous, of course I’m not required to provide full, carefully planned meals to the crowd of people at my house literally 2-3 times a week in summer. I’m providing the pool (not to mention our great company 😁) and that’s what they come for.
We do usually keep invites away from mealtimes, which can help manage expectations. But it gets hard b/c no one wants to leave - people invited at 3 are still splashing around, beer in hand, at 7.
Hosting a party with a traditional meal is different of course. Labor Day for example, no denying the missing mustard was a fuckup. But still - who gives a shit? On the scale of fuckups, it’s a comical blip. Even the one fat queen who was incensed about the mustard has laughed about it since and mocked his own reaction.
Yeah I get what 308 is saying. If people come over to your house all the time, they should bring a pizza or beer or something. I know a couple that literally fish for invites to feed their family. They constantly call their brothers house, near mealtime, and ask them what they are doing. And if the brother says Oh we are watching the game, etc, they ask if they can come over. And then they ask if they have eaten. At this point the brother is either about to sit down and eat, or he ends up ordering pizza & wings. The brothers partner is sick of it. They never bring food or beer over, nothing. But they come over and gobble up all their food or eat all the takeout without pitching in. They are CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP
I'll give you a pass because of the pool. I have one too and usually I provide meat and people bring something with them to share or offer landscaping services if they feel they have been over too much.
It is much less formal.
I cannot stand when people want me to store their giant swan watertoy for them though.
This thread with its halved eclairs is way too hilarious to be derailed by the logic of offering a pool but not necessarily a trough of food. But I will add that if I said I was providing the meat there’d be a line halfway down the block, and my lil man would be chasing them off with our rarely used set of steak knives hahahahaha
Yeah some stupid bitch was running around upset that I was eating the cheese balls. No one else wanted them
r332;sounds like the host stole some cash
R291, I hope you took back your present on the way out.
I went to a church wedding once where the bridal party took fucking forever to come back from taking their pictures and whoever was in charge wouldn't let anyone eat from the buffet until they came back. Finally that asshole got overruled and we all got to eat, over an hour after the wedding was done. The buffet food sat so long the hot food got dry and the cold food got to room temperature, but we were all so hungry we didn't care and ate anyway.
I hope the host described at r332 copped some nasty, anonymous notes pointing out his embezzling hadn't gone unnoticed and would definitely stunt his career.
I don’t know if this qualifies as stingy with food but here goes...
This was my father in law’s funeral. It was in the small town where my now former brother in law and his family live. Most people drove 2-2 1/2 hours to attend. The service was at noon and went on for almost 2 hours. At the end of the service one of the nephews got up and announced that the wake would be at their home (a 10 min drive away) at 3:30 after the family had time to have lunch and freshen up.
r345 no class!
A few years ago my partner and I were invited for dinner to the new home of his recently spawned niece and her husband (to whose living arrangements we'd made a generous contribution). We got there, visited awhile, had some soda, and wondered (to ourselves) when dinner would be served. It had been a 150 mile drive for us and we were getting hungry. Then niece announces, We had [husband's] family over for dinner yesterday, so we don't have any left for you.
We stopped at a restaurant on the way home.
What a spoiled little bitch, r347. The least she could have done is ordered some pizzas.
R337, I’d stop picking up the phone. Or be like “We just finished eating. All GONE.” What a loser...
R347, your partner’s niece is a selfish cunt. She’ll never change. She’s the type that only contacts you if she needs something or she’s expecting a gift on birthdays and holidays. I hope your partner has an iron clad Last Will and Testament. That fucking cunt will swoop in like a scavenger and will toss you in the street.
There’s just something I’m missing here. Like at r345, I’m sure the family was tired and sad and emotionally worn out. Why would they be expected to host and serve lunch? Maybe 50 years ago, if local restaurants were weird or rare. But these days in the US you’re always a few minutes from, at worst, an inexpensive national chain restaurant with a familiar menu. The food is nothing special, but you’re not supposed to attend a funeral for the food. Why shouldn’t all the funeral attendees take care of themselves for lunch?
My grandma just passed away and my Mom had luncheon afterwards at beautiful restaurant that was a local staple. It was for close friends and family and somehow a distant friend, her husband, and FIVE kids showed up uninvited. They took it as an opportunity to feed their kids, who have never even met my grandma, nor gave a fuck. My parents aren't stingy at all and didn't tell them to fuck off, but I hate people that try to take advantage of others.
R310 I like the way you think. You must give great parties.
I’m providing the pool (not to mention our great company 😁) and that’s what they come for.
The sad part is that this person actually DOES believe that he's great company and he's lavishly generous for letting people use his pool.
No. He's not obligated to let people come over and use the pool. However, once you decide to host a party, it comes with certain social obligations.
And here's the real rub of it. You could suggest that it be a potluck style event where people who come bring stuff "for the group." But, you want all the glory of hosting without sharing the limelight or looking cheap by asking. If "letting" people use the pool were really the magnanimous gesture you make it out to be, then folks would gladly chip in. But, it's not, is it.
So one has to ask how you've leveraged your free gesture into some other benefit. You probably skate by on other events because, you know, everyone always uses your pool during the summer, Cheapo McCheap
r351 they drove miles to pay respect. a cup of coffee and a sandwich aint a 4 course meal!
When we have a funeral the family is invited afterwards for sandwiches and charcuterie and coffee and after that for a beer or soda ! I live in Europe .
R351— Even we (the deceased’s daughter and son-in-law) were not invited to lunch. That’s a crappy thing to do to your only sibling at your dad’s funeral
At every single funeral I have been to there has been some sort of reception afterwards, either back at someone's home or at a restaurant. It is generally understood that it is just for family and closest friends but I can't imagine anyone would be turned away.
I also have a pool and have friends come stay almost every weekend in the summer. They buy food and cook or if we go out they pick up the check although I always offer. It's not that I am cheap but they want to do something in appreciation of my hospitality. If I don't have weekend guests and someone wants to come for the afternoon I will tell them I will have some snacky things to imply that I won't be serving lunch. But no one will ever leave my house hungry, that's for sure.
All of these sad funeral stories must have taken place north of the Mason-Dixon Line. It's well known that, when a southerner "passes", everyone he &/or his relatives have ever met brings food to the family home before the the body has begun to stiffen. So there's always more than enough to serve at the funeral & send home with the mourners. If you don't believe me, read "Being Dead Is No Excuse" (& be sure to try one of the several excellent recipes for "Pimento Cheese").
americans do the same with some incredibly weird exceptions!
When my paternal grandmother died back in the 80's (she lived with my father's gay brother) the funeral was held and everyone reconvened at my uncle's home around noon time. Apparently enough food had been brought in by friends and neighbors to feed an army, but none of it was out where anyone could get at it. I didn't attend the service (couldn't stand the people) but my mother informed me that an hour went past after all the family had gathered at the home and still nothing had been done toward setting out any food for people. No one had eaten at all that day and people were hungry. Someone finally said something about laying out some food so people could eat and my uncle very indigently said "no food will be eaten in this house today - this is not the time to be thinking about food"! My mother said it was so insulting that everyone of the family members got up and walked out, got in their cars and left and reconvened at a restaurant nearby. Everyone except the gay uncle with the shitty attitude. Some family members never spoke to him again and didn't even attend his own funeral.
R361 hahahaha I wish I could have seen it!
And then everybody blew up. The bride was in tears, the grandma was sitting in the back row, and the short best man is furious, and their mother is ready to duke it out with this trashy woman.
I understand when the wedding party returned, the bride cried.
When did the tears stop?
When you ask people how much they weigh or how much they work out on Datalounge, they always claim to be trim, muscular millionaires. And yet this thread proves what I've long suspected: you're all fat poor trash.
R364, I think most people here are literate average Joe's or older queen types.
If it bothers you, why are you here?
My husband's brother and best friend are awful hosts. I remember his brother's wife inviting us the Sunday after Christmas years ago for "ham". Great. I offered to bring wine and asked her what else she needed. "Bring a plate of that cheese (St Andrews triple cream bries, yum) you served us last time and crackers." Thank goodness I did. She told us to be there at two, so we skipped lunch. We all drank the wine we brought, and the ate the cheese tray then nothing. Around 3.30 she told us she would put the ham in the oven at 4. We ate at 5.30, and the ham was canned. Never again.
The best friend tends to serve us whatever diet he and his (heinous beast) wife are doing that week without giving us notice. Carb free Thanksgiving is probably the saddest thing imaginable.
Thank god for his (morbidly obese carb addicted) mother, who shamelessy pulled out rolls and pie for us to eat. She was a nasty piece of work, but she had her moments.
Besides the funeral and wedding stinginess, I can't stand crazy eaters. There's always some idiot at events who takes half the lasagna or wants to taste whatever's on your plate. I once let someone take a taste of some bbq only to see most of it disappear. They're often the same same stingy people at events they host.
The worst event I ever attended was a party at a Sikh household. The mother had no problem letting her kids drink themselves silly but then declared it was an alcohol free party when we opened a bottle of wine we brought. We she brought out the vegan cake - a sheet of something that looked liked uncooked brownie batter covered with bananas - she told us we couldn't have any until we were 'sober' and then made sure there wasn't a speck left after feeding most of it to some goats. CUNT
-she told us we couldn't have any until we were 'sober' and then made sure there wasn't a speck left after feeding most of it to some goats. CUNT
Goats!! Oh my.
This thread is why I'm addicted to DL.
"Bring a plate of that cheese (St Andrews triple cream bries, yum) you served us last time and crackers."
Let me guess: damned autocorrect.
"Bring a plate of that cheese (St Andrews triple cream bries, yum) you served us last time and crackers."
Was her name Claire?
In my family,not only do people bring food when they hear the news and come to offer condolences,they also bring food for the after funeral party. Ill be the 1st to say some of my folks are white trash personified,but in matters like this they always step up. And everyone always dresses nice for weddings or funerals,even if "nice" is a 1980s polyester suit.
R4... Haha! I thought only my family did the "family hold back".
In my experience, the family usually hosts a luncheon after the funeral. It could be at the house or at a restaurant or catering hall. Everyone is not automatically invited, but the invitation is informal and often verbal, at the funeral itself.
People who opt for the restaurant/catering hall option can usually affort it, and there are different price points of course. A cousin died unexpectedly (very young) and the luncheon was at a pizza joint. We had a back room to ourselves and it was trays of backed ziti, chicken marsala and caesar salad, which was all fine. It’s not a out trying to impress.
I remember generations ago, my grandparents and great aunts and uncles would all do the house luncheon, with all of the casseroles and other dishes people had brought over the past few days. Nowadays most people do the restaurant luncheon or something similar. When my mom died, we got some casseroles and other trays of food, but not like the old days. It was more than enough for us and our many house visitors between the death and the funeral, but we couldn’t have fed the whole funeral with it.
Around these parts if the funeral is held in a church the church ladies always step up and make sure the family is well fed on funeral day. They also do it if the funeral is held in the chapel of the funeral home if the deceased was a member of a church. I hate to say it but religion is good for a few things.
That's if it's a white person's funeral. If if's a black funeral the party starts as soon as the body is embalmed and literally doesn't stop for 7-10 days. After the body is prepared by the funeral home it is laid out either in a casket sitting in the living room of the deceased's home, or at times in the bed he/she slept in, and it's a daily event of family and friends coming by to sit with the body and wail and moan over it (it's the southern black version of sitting shiva), getting up every 15 minutes to go to the dining room to fix a plate and allow someone else their chance to wait & moan. It's a constant round robin of folks sitting and squalling and moving to the buffet until their chance to do some more squalling then eating comes 'round again.
What is "family hold back"? I don't get it.
Family hold back or more colloquially known as FHB is when there's not enough food to feed everyone so the family doesn't eat so the guests will be able to.
“Family Hold Bacl” does not mean that “there’s not enough food,” it means that immediate family hosting a buffet should allow guests and company to line up and fill their plates first. We do this in our family but it’s just called manners. There is always enough food. But you allow your guests first access so that they may pick the best portions, fill up on their favorite dishes, not feel rushed or crowded, and not worry that they’re taking too much because half of it is already gone.
Bravo, R377! Very well-explained.
Yikes r377. I understand the good intentions but your post sounds like my worst nightmare...literally. My family is small and immediate family was just my parents, my brother and me (and my partner.) My mom died young at 65. She was very active and very well liked so the two day wake and funeral on the 3rd day were a non-stop barrage of people with only my dad and me to receive them. My brother was there too but utterly useless hiding in the back with his friends and co-workers. I can't even image a crowd of people invading ones home for days on end with nowhere for the immediate family to go to escape them. When I say "literally my worse nightmare" I'm not joking. After the first day of the wake I barely slept with nightmares of talking heads that I couldn't escape.
Maybe that's why r361's uncle was so rude. And I absolutely agree that it was rude to not allow the food that other brought to be put out especially when other family members had traveled a distance to get there and spent hours with no food available but did the immediately family really want them all to presume convene on their house?
Of course that's a totally different thing from a social occasion when you know exactly what you're getting into when you invited the guests. Why would you even do that if you were indifferent to or resentful to providing ample food or drinks for your guests?
If you're doing a potluck meal around your yard or pool and guests are welcome to bring their own favorite dishes and beverages then why not just be clear about that? The part I don't get is why the hosts wouldn't welcome the efforts of their friends to pitch in.
The land of individual freedom has bred a country of control freaks, that's why, R382. No one knows how to get out of their own way, let alone someone else. I was fortunate to experience one of the last, true Irish wakes in my community. It lasted for over 5 days and the family just holed up in the bedrooms as the party raged on downstairs. Grandma was laid out in the downstairs bedroom and the house was left open. The family would come out, start up again with everyone else in the telling of the stories or singing and drinking, or go about their business as if nothing was happening. One member of the household was always there to greet at the door and watch over the food and drink. Everyone in the town came, and it was expected that you did. When you expect it, it's not a burden and everyone pitches in.
The rich are the worst. My brother's in-laws are millionaires several times over, and the amount of food they serve at dinner parties would barely feed one starving refugee. My cousin married into one of the richest families in NC, and we traveled there for the wedding from the Northeast. The reception was at the local country club and consisted of tiny tea sandwiches, strawberries, and cheap champagne all served on this beautiful, beautiful silver to quote Rosemary Woodhouse.
R384, that’s greed and utter selfishness. It’s inexcusable. Also, it’s one of life’s great ironies. In many cases, the poor and middle class people are generous with food and entertaining. If they can’t afford it, they won’t entertain.
The rich, in quite a few cases, are notoriously stingy with food and entertaining. Why in the hell do they want to entertain if they won’t provide enough food for everyone? The worst ones are the nouveau riche, as usual.
I have heard four or five really weird stories of WASPS doing this. I have experienced it firsthand once too: at an informal cocktail party, our "host" "administered" just one cracker with a paper thin piece of cheese with each drink. We were all in his very luxe living room, yet the cheese and crackers stayed behind in his kitchen. Weird. He and his wife were rail thin, took no pleasure in eating, and were filthy rich. People joked behind their back, asking others if they ever really saw them eat a real full meal. The suggestion was they were aliens, and didn't really eat.
Thanks for bumping this thread; I lost track of it soon after it started, but it really is one of my favorites.
Entertaining as hell, but also really fascinating reading about regional and familial entertaining customs.
And, of course, it's proof that everyone's family is SO FUCKING WEIRD...lulz.
This may be slightly off topic but I think this is a excellent outlet for me to vent about this particular variation on the subject.
I have a very nice friend who entertains quite a bit and every time he has us over, he insists on putting out quite a spread of mostly home made dishes. The trouble is that everything he prepares is terrible. Whether it’s a mushy mayonnaised dio/salad or a warm Mexican style spread with questionable ingredients in it, nothing he’s fixed for his hues s so far is remotely edible. He seems to find the plates delivery cuyos, and his parties end up with him eating most of his food and the rest of us guests sticking to cheese, crackers, and fruit.
Just yesterday he brought to the beach and passed around this fruit concoction that literally looked like vomit, with chunks of fruit swimming in this supposedly spiked thick liquid that had the consistency of condensed milk and the color of cancer-patient bile. In order to sample the goods, our sun worshipping party guests had to fish in with their bar fingers into the mystery liquid and hope to get a large enough piece of fruit, usually an I ripe cantaloupe. I lucked out with a grape, and then politely declined seconds.
The sad part is he’s such a nice guy that I don’t even dare make any comments to our circle of friends about how awful his food is. I would be mortifi d if it got back to him. But at the same time, we’re stuck enabling his horrible food.
Thanks for lhearing me out.
dio >> dip
hues s>> guests
delivery cuyo >> Delightful
bar hands >> bare hands
I ripe >> unripe
Mortifi d >> mortified
My dad is just like that r387-r389. I've been avoiding his cooking for 40 years.
I worked for six months on a project which was a lot more work for no extra pay. To thank us they announced they were throwing us a pizza party, which seemed like nice gesture on management’s part—until I saw the pizza.
They were In these huge boxes and the cheese one was this mucous yellow- gray color. There was also a huge one with a piece of sausage every 5 inches or so that looked like round little dog turds. The pinnacle was that it wasn’t even cut so you had to tear pieces off. Luckily we brought soda so we got something to drink.
Normally I am grateful but serving us this shit pizza that made Domino’s look gourmet as a reward was a slap in the face. Cheap bastards.
r388, suggest a potluck? order pizza? the description of the fruit salad made my stomach flip, sounds vile!
In the olden days people believed there were demons and fairies and other such creatures who punished poor hospitality, especially if the host was wealthy. The people described in this thread are the reasons why.
In the olden days people believed there were demons and fairies and other such creatures who punished poor hospitality, especially if the host was wealthy.
There are a few fairies in the circle I travel with who will rake you over the coals for poor hospitality. You do not want to piss off these gentlemen, believe me.
We went out to eat with my stingy mother in law last week. She almost threw a hissy fit when she realised that my father in law had one more slice of pizza, with a different topping, on his plate. She just froze, shrieked "I'm gonna have that piece", leaned over the table and snatched the slice with her hand. It was like watching two magpies fight over a piece of bread.
Luckily we were in a crowded food court type of place, so I don't think anybody noticed. I think she has some kind of eating disorder.
I went to a cinco de mayo party this weekend. When I walked in, the host was busy setting up this elaborate taco bar. Except, I have no idea when it was actually served. There was no announcement to come eat, nor did I see anyone eating. I have no idea what happened.
Stop thinking of food and get on a diet. Remember! Small portions. And stay slim and healthy. And Life is not a banquet. Thanks!
What are you blathering on about r397?
This happened to me this weekend. The host bought fried chicken and potatoes for four. There were 15 people there.
Alcoholic and/or drug addict.
R397/399 if that's your takeaway from this thread there is something wrong with you.
R401 gluttony denial
R36 looks like she pulled out the Goat card
R400, you might be right.
This thread is not about fatties.
This thread is about hospitality.
Anorexic control freak people cannot comprehend hospitality.