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Hallmark Holiday Movies

Spent the weekend visiting my mother who is 78. She loves these Hallmark movies. I find them flatly photographed, poorly acted, poorly written but above all, really, really boring. Not to mention the usual tripe about city life making you cold and heartless as compared to small town American (actually Canadian- the Canadian accents are THICK on all the extras) being so real and welcoming. And there is the usual entry about a royal family (with wavering British accents) and an American nanny that is the same recycled script, year after year.

Yeah, she watches a lot of these.

--Anonymous
replies 177Nov 20, 2017 2:26 PM +00:00

Hallmark's usual method of operation is to cast one or two Americans in leading roles and then the rest of the cast is filled with awful Canadian actors. Those awful Canadian actors aren't the types who take dialect or diction classes. The Canadian industry pretty much knows that Hallmark wants their movies and shows done quick and cheap so they'll hand out the tax breaks as long as Canadians actors get roles.

--Anonymous
replies 1Nov 20, 2017 9:14 PM +00:00

The only Hallmark Christmas movie I like is The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year with a really hot lead and Henry Winkler. I will watch it if I happen to come upon it while channel surfing. Winkler and the hot guy have more chemistry than the hot guy does with Brooke Burns who plays his potential love interest. Still, I find it enjoyable. Ask Mom is she likes that one.

--Anonymous
replies 2Nov 20, 2017 9:30 PM +00:00

Hallmark filmed one of their new movies in Utah. I wonder if they are slowly being pressured into having more of their movies filmed in the States.

--Anonymous
replies 3Nov 20, 2017 9:56 PM +00:00

I read some article in EW that said that these movies film in 2-3 weeks. That explains the bad cinematography.

--Anonymous
replies 4Nov 21, 2017 5:33 AM +00:00

They’re so ridiculous: all filmed in Canada in July. Fake snow, all white people with really bleached teeth, pointless story plots. Pablum for the dumb masses.

--Anonymous
replies 5Nov 21, 2017 5:36 AM +00:00

What's really horrible are the CGI Christmas lights on the walkway, on the house, etc. They can't even afford real ones in the exterior shots, so they use the cheapest CGI possible.

The EVIL City Life!

Santa is real in all of these.

Getting a chance to relive your life but this time actually spending time with your loved ones - AND the hot guy who got away (when you left for the Big City)! Forsaking the EVIL City Life for good ol' Smalltown USA.

--Anonymous
replies 6Nov 21, 2017 5:52 AM +00:00

Lifetime makes similar movies. But, some of those movies film in the US and aren't always about evil city life and sometimes the lead characters are non-white.

--Anonymous
replies 7Nov 21, 2017 6:18 AM +00:00

I remember the movie that R2 mentioned. That one wasn't a bad movie.

--Anonymous
replies 8Nov 21, 2017 1:10 PM +00:00

"all white actors"

There's usually a sassy black friend or office assistant.

--Anonymous
replies 9Nov 21, 2017 1:29 PM +00:00

Exaxctly, R5... and they spray all the green, leafy trees with fake snow.

--Anonymous
replies 10Nov 21, 2017 2:10 PM +00:00

R9, maybe on Lifetime but not on Hallmark.

--Anonymous
replies 11Nov 21, 2017 2:11 PM +00:00

They are Harlequin romance books come to life.

--Without the sex
replies 12Nov 21, 2017 2:19 PM +00:00
They are Harlequin romance books come to life.

Without the skin that is shown on the paper back covers with the woman in the heaving bodice and the bare chested man.

--Anonymous
replies 13Nov 21, 2017 2:44 PM +00:00

How coincidental. From today's Christian Science Monitor via Drudge:

For those weary of crises and violence in the news and on television, more people are turning to the Hallmark Channel's predictably happy endings.
The Christian Science Monitor
--Anonymous
replies 14Nov 21, 2017 4:33 PM +00:00

Some of the women I work with live for these. You would be surprised at what a big deal the Hallmark holiday movie season is.

--Anonymous
replies 15Nov 21, 2017 4:51 PM +00:00

There's a drinking game. It improves the movies immensely.

I like to watch with my boyfriend and guess the plot points.

--Anonymous
replies 16Nov 21, 2017 5:07 PM +00:00

I liked the Hallmark Hall of Fame movies from the 90s

--Anonymous
replies 17Nov 21, 2017 5:33 PM +00:00

R12 That's a good description. A female friend of mine was into these movies for awhile, but grew bored with them. She referred to them as "lower budget Nicholas Sparks movies without sex".

--Anonymous
replies 18Nov 21, 2017 5:52 PM +00:00
I liked the Hallmark Hall of Fame movies from the 90s

The Hallmark movies on CBS pre-Hallmark channel were usually well done.

--Anonymous
replies 19Nov 21, 2017 6:33 PM +00:00

I’m about to visit my 68-year-old mother, and I’ll be forced to see my share of these.

About 1 in 4 has a minor supporting black character. Always the best friend. Never the romantic lead or rival.

There’s absolutely no gay characters.

Though my mom did get me when I commented last year that there are no Jewish characters.

“Well, Honey, this whole marathon is called ‘A Countdown to Christmas.’”

--Anonymous
replies 20Nov 21, 2017 6:45 PM +00:00
There’s absolutely no gay characters.

The network caters to conservative Christians and often casts that cunt Candace Cameron Bure in their movies. They are probably fine with not having gay characters in their movies as long as their target audience tunes in.

--Anonymous
replies 21Nov 21, 2017 7:02 PM +00:00

Hallmark movies used to be “event” specials with limited commercials when they were on network television. Like a US version of Masterpiece Theatre.

--Anonymous
replies 22Nov 21, 2017 8:12 PM +00:00

Vivica A. Fox did a Hallmark Channel movie a few years back. It wasn't a Christmas movie. Other than that it's usually white people in the lead roles and you never seen an interracial couple either. Hallmark has been called out on the lack of diversity quite a bit on social media and articles.

--Anonymous
replies 23Nov 22, 2017 6:47 AM +00:00

On the Hallmark Channel Facebook page, several people left messages about the lack of racial diversity and Hallmark responded about how one of their movies stars Alexa Vega and Carlos Pena Vega and how another movie has Sheryl Lee Ralph in it. Someone left a message about the lack of LGBTQ characters and Hallmark didn't respond at all to that message.

--Anonymous
replies 24Nov 22, 2017 10:32 AM +00:00

There are quite a few actresses who used to be real celebrities but are now doing stuff like this. Alicia Witt, Jodi Sweetin, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Jessica Lowndes, Lacey Chabert... Joan Cusack is even in a new one.

--Anonymous
replies 25Nov 23, 2017 7:40 PM +00:00
Joan Cusack is even in a new one.

WTF? No, poor Joan

--Anonymous
replies 26Nov 23, 2017 7:50 PM +00:00
www.star-telegram.com
--Anonymous
replies 27Nov 23, 2017 8:04 PM +00:00

I recently watched one where the all the handles of the kichen cabinets were decorated with pine twigs tied with big red ribbons. And all the city apartment buildings were swathed in strings of pine, ribbons, lights and balls...for blocks and blocks. In this urban world of white chicklet smiles, there was one black, wise landlady and one Asian goofy co-worker.

--Anonymous
replies 28Nov 23, 2017 9:00 PM +00:00

I have watched some of those movies as well with my mother OP, and they are exactly as you describe.

--Anonymous
replies 29Nov 23, 2017 9:02 PM +00:00

Those movies are horrific!

--Anonymous
replies 30Nov 23, 2017 9:10 PM +00:00
The Hallmark movies on CBS pre-Hallmark channel were usually well done.

I remember watching those movies and enjoying them. Hallmark Channel doesn't care about quality. They care about quantity and pride themselves on having 20 or 30 new movies premiering each holiday season.

--Anonymous
replies 31Nov 24, 2017 8:51 PM +00:00

The one with Joan Cusack is on now: The Christmas Train

--Anonymous
replies 32Nov 25, 2017 4:04 PM +00:00

At least, Lifetime put me in one of their movies. Homophobic Hallmark Channel will never employ the gays for their movies.

--Mario Cantone
replies 33Dec 2, 2017 4:03 PM +00:00

I only watch real movies. TCM or Retro Plex all day for me.

--Film Snob
replies 34Dec 2, 2017 6:31 PM +00:00

Not all made for TV movies were/ are awful. Broadcast networks years ago made some great TV movies and mini-series years ago that had decent acting and writing. There was period where basic cable networks like USA, TNT, and A&E made original movies which were hit or miss, but they weren't horrible either. TNT made a movie about Steve Jobs and Bill Gates that was quite good. Comedy Central, MTV, and VH1 also made original movies for awhile.

Hallmark's movies rarely have decent acting and yes the photography of the movies is pretty flat. The women who frequently appear in these movies minus Candace Cameron are actresses who can't get regular work on TV shows in the US. Lacey Chabert occasionally guest stars on TV shows. Party of Five was the last TV show she did as a regular.

Basic cable networks that used to make TV movies stopped once they started making one hour dramas and sitcoms. Hallmark Channel has a few one hour dramas. Maybe, in time they will start making more original shows and will shift away from making dozens of movies each year.

--Anonymous
replies 35Dec 3, 2017 6:40 AM +00:00

More diversity than in a Woody Allen movie for sure.

--Gordon Willis
replies 36Dec 3, 2017 8:48 AM +00:00

I used to enjoy these movies years ago as holiday background filler on the TV but I now find them weirdly depressing and a little creepy for some reason

These movies are churned-out formulaic pablum with eerie Stepford Wife acting ensembles They are literally G rated movies about almost asexual white people, with Barbie and Ken lead actors who (just like the dolls ) have no anatomical parts. It's a snow globe come to life.

If you watch enough of them you start to notice a sterile vibe that's devoid of any depth or real life energy. My elderly mom watches them too and I will read or web surf while I "watch" them with her to pass the time. I am pretty lowbrow and watch my share of trashy tv but can't stand these movies because they are like watching some sheltered adolescent's depiction of real life. I don't expect gritty realism on Hallmark but, Lord, these movies are like watching paint dry because the plotlines are so cliche and banal.

--Anonymous
replies 37Dec 3, 2017 9:09 AM +00:00

I really like you R37. I feel the same way. Which is why I don't watch those movies. They kinda remained me of those old Disney channel original movies from the late 90s and early 00s. That me and my siblings would watch.

There all pretty much the same.

--Anonymous
replies 38Dec 3, 2017 9:18 AM +00:00
These movies are churned-out formulaic pablum with eerie Stepford Wife acting ensembles They are literally G rated movies about almost asexual white people, with Barbie and Ken lead actors who (just like the dolls ) have no anatomical parts. It's a snow globe come to life.
If you watch enough of them you start to notice a sterile vibe that's devoid of any depth or real life energy.

These are very good descriptions of Hallmark movies. I used to watch them background filler too and usually when I visited my parents. My mom is at the point where she no longer cares for them. She has noticed the same things as almost all or all white casts, asexual characters, and she has noticed how wooden many of the actors are in the movies. My dad is the one who still likes those movies and watches them in one room while my mom watching something else in another room.

--Anonymous
replies 39Dec 5, 2017 7:04 PM +00:00

I'm waiting for the one about a disgraced gay actor who learns to love again while in sex rehab for the holidays

--Anonymous
replies 40Dec 5, 2017 7:08 PM +00:00

R40 Hallmark doesn't even show straight people having sex. They will never do anything involving sex rehab.

Lifetime will probably touch on some of the sexual harassment and assault scandals in a couple of movies.

--Anonymous
replies 41Dec 5, 2017 7:10 PM +00:00

I am the opposite of R37. I had only flipped past these saccharine sweet Hallmark embarrassments, but now I find them as delicious as a box of Trader Joe's chocolate ice cream bon bons.

It has been a very hard year (Trump, etc.), and thinking globally is excruciating. The beauty of green garlands, the shiny baubles everywhere, in the dark of winter, is healing as cloud watching on a summer day.

--Anonymous
replies 42Dec 5, 2017 7:16 PM +00:00

Stopped reading at R1 just to point out that the Canadians seem to be more savy with the handing out of tax breaks than the US. How many tax breaks does the US handout that don't require hiring locals?

--Anonymous
replies 43Dec 5, 2017 8:58 PM +00:00

People keep saying Canadians have accents. I'm from Texas and I don't hear any accent when Canadians speak. It sounds like perfect English to me(excluding those from the south of Quebec).

--Anonymous
replies 44Dec 5, 2017 9:01 PM +00:00

R43 There are states in the US that hand out tax breaks for filming do require hiring locals as crew members or cast members. Texas is one of those states. The guy who played Buddy Garrity on Friday Night Lights is pretty much based in Texas and has worked in a bunch of movies and TV shows down there.

--Anonymous
replies 45Dec 6, 2017 5:20 AM +00:00

I hate those movies, it’s candy box crap.

--Anonymous
replies 46Dec 6, 2017 5:41 AM +00:00

ghfjtj

--Anonymous
replies 47Dec 6, 2017 1:36 PM +00:00

There are so many movies that center around an average girl dating/marrying a royal. Ol' Sparkle Markle probably loves those.

--Anonymous
replies 48Dec 8, 2017 12:21 PM +00:00

All of the men look like JC Penny catalog sweater models, which terrifies me

--Anonymous
replies 49Dec 8, 2017 12:35 PM +00:00

I used to jerk off to the men's underwear section of that, R49.

--Anonymous
replies 50Dec 8, 2017 12:54 PM +00:00

I don't really get why people like these movies. So schlocky. But... there is clearly a market for it. Hallmark starts Christmas movies every year on Halloween weekend.

--Anonymous
replies 51Dec 8, 2017 1:30 PM +00:00

My bf hate watches these. He starts out picking them apart with valid criticism and within 25 minutes he is sucked in saying things like "this asshole needs to mind his own business" or "He would love you more honey if your hair wasn't so flat". It's very endearing. He also shouts " What would Wilfred Brimley do?". Sometimes just "WWWBD" loudly.

--Anonymous
replies 52Dec 8, 2017 1:41 PM +00:00

All Hallmark movies are very formulaic.

--Anonymous
replies 53Dec 8, 2017 1:42 PM +00:00

R51 The target audience is pretty much conservative white Christians. Hallmark used to associate with some media organization that is anti-gay.

--Anonymous
replies 54Dec 8, 2017 3:04 PM +00:00

Those Christmas movies where they have to save the apartment building/toy store/department store/soup kitchen/homeless shelter/theater from foreclosure.

The ones where a single woman meets and falls for a hot young widower with a precocious child who takes an instant liking to them.

So cookie cutter. And don't get me started on the cheesy villains and the even cheesier score which is reused over and over again in every movie.

--Dex
replies 55Dec 8, 2017 4:21 PM +00:00

R42 WaPo had an article about that yesterday

The merry, soothing schmaltz of “Countdown to Christmas” movies is more essential than ever.
Washington Post
--Anonymous
replies 56Dec 8, 2017 5:17 PM +00:00

Meghan Markle has starred in at least 2 Hallmark movies because I watched them with my elderly mom this year (who kept telling me that there was no possible way the Queen would ever approve Harry getting engaged to an American actress)

--Anonymous
replies 57Dec 9, 2017 5:49 PM +00:00

I agree with all the criticisms of other posters. And, I'd like to add that Hallmark movies seem to only cast has-been actors from the 80's and 90's.

--Anonymous
replies 58Dec 9, 2017 7:03 PM +00:00

Wasn't there one reuniting Lisa Whelchel and Kim Fields a few years back?

--Anonymous
replies 59Dec 9, 2017 7:06 PM +00:00

LOL [R52]

--Anonymous
replies 60Dec 9, 2017 7:12 PM +00:00

R59 Yeah, they did a movie together.

--Anonymous
replies 61Dec 9, 2017 7:18 PM +00:00

How long before Jennifer Garner is all over these?

--Anonymous
replies 62Dec 10, 2017 6:18 AM +00:00

Oh, Rachel Bilson *must* be in some of those.

--Anonymous
replies 63Dec 10, 2017 6:36 AM +00:00

I hate those Hallmark movies. It's like there's a watermark all over the screen saying "no gays allowed!". Puts me off bigtime. Lifetime movies can be more inclusive and can be fun in a drole, frau kind of way.

--Anonymous
replies 64Dec 10, 2017 6:36 AM +00:00

R63 I don't think Bilson has ever done any.

--Anonymous
replies 65Dec 10, 2017 6:42 AM +00:00

Full round up of 2017 Hallmark Channel Christmas Movies premieres....the photoshop worked its magic on some of these posters

www.hallmarkchannelpress.com
--Anonymous
replies 66Dec 10, 2017 6:43 AM +00:00

and the Hallmark Movies & Mysteries (which is the second Hallmark channel) premieres

www.hallmarkchannelpress.com
--Anonymous
replies 67Dec 10, 2017 6:44 AM +00:00

They already have Danica McKeller, they don't need Bilson

--Anonymous
replies 68Dec 10, 2017 6:45 AM +00:00

There was one with Luke MacFarlane obviously playing it straight. Now there’s a handsome boy with buttocks worth the pinching! Christmas pinches.

--Fiona Frau
replies 69Dec 10, 2017 6:46 AM +00:00

R69

McFarlane seems to have become a fixture of Hallmark movies. He does one every year. The new one premieres tonight

--Anonymous
replies 70Dec 10, 2017 6:49 AM +00:00

GREAT article, R56 — thanks for sharing!

--Anonymous
replies 71Dec 10, 2017 6:56 AM +00:00

This Lifetime one is a guilty pleasure of mine.

Jessie Pavelka and Josh Hopkins, who pose for the scantily-clad Christmas calendar in the Lifetime original movie "12 Men of Christmas," talk about their rol...
YouTube
--Anonymous
replies 72Dec 10, 2017 7:13 AM +00:00

I didn't know Luke Macfarlane was doing these....on the bright side he still looks hot.

Find out more about Luke Macfarlane as Tucker Martin on the Hallmark Channel original movie. "Christmas Land."
Hallmark Channel
--Anonymous
replies 73Dec 10, 2017 7:43 AM +00:00

R73 his CV include these Hallmark productions:

Karen Kingsbury's Maggie's Christmas Miracle (TV Movie) 2017

The Birthday Wish (TV Movie) 2017 (not Christmas themed but still Hallmark saccharine)

The Mistletoe Promise (TV Movie) 2016

Christmas Land (TV Movie) 2015

The Memory Book (TV Movie) 2014

--Anonymous
replies 74Dec 10, 2017 7:49 AM +00:00

R72 I like that one. The acting in that movie has a lot of energy compared to what you would see on Hallmark.

--Anonymous
replies 75Dec 10, 2017 12:34 PM +00:00

I think this is the only way I could watch these movies. Do the guys ever take their shirts off?

If there’s comfort in the familiar, that makes the formulaic — and wildly popular — Hallmark Christmas movies the cozy sweatpants of winter television. If you want to spice up your next viewi…
Twin Cities
--Cheers!
replies 76Dec 10, 2017 2:49 PM +00:00

R62 Jennifer Garner is to rich to do cheap shit like hallmark channel movies. You'll never see her in one.

--Anonymous
replies 77Dec 10, 2017 3:26 PM +00:00

I only watch Hallmark/Lifetime Holiday TV-Movies if Andrew Walker / Andrew W. Walker is in it.

Andrew W. Walker
IMDb
--Anonymous
replies 78Dec 10, 2017 3:28 PM +00:00

Garner shills credit card commercials FFS. Her latest movie made $796 at the box office. The bitch can't get decent acting jobs to save her life and would be grateful to get work for Hallmark. She's only half as rich as she used to be after her divorce.

--Anonymous
replies 79Dec 10, 2017 3:30 PM +00:00
Do the guys ever take their shirts off?

No. Hallmark never shows the couples having sex or in bed. It's very family friendly. Some of the Lifetime Christmas movies do show couples having sex and hot guys with their shirts off.

--Anonymous
replies 80Dec 10, 2017 3:37 PM +00:00

The lead couple don't even kiss until the final scene - and then it is usually something pretty chaste by the tree or outside as the snow starts to fall - usually in the middle of a crowd of people singing Christmas carols.

--Anonymous
replies 81Dec 10, 2017 3:43 PM +00:00

Brandon Routh and Gregory Harrison were in one of the better ones (not as a couple). Also a couple of cats.

Once in a while one of these movies will overcome the formula. But not very often. And not starring Candace Xtian Cameron.

--Anonymous
replies 82Dec 10, 2017 3:52 PM +00:00

Andrew Walker has FIVE Holiday movies on Hallmark & Lifetime in the next two weeks with multiple airings of each!

I'm DVR-ing them all!

Bethany Joy Lenz and Andrew W. Walker in Snowed-Inn Christmas (2017)
IMDb
--Anonymous
replies 83Dec 10, 2017 4:15 PM +00:00

R79 Jennifer lives in very ritzy area of Brentwood. I don't think she's hurting for money. I'm sure she's accumulated enough wealth to be just fine for the rest of her life. She strikes me as a frugal person with her finances. And then there's Ben's money too.

--Anonymous
replies 84Dec 10, 2017 4:16 PM +00:00

If it's Canada and the Holidays, it must be Andrew Walker!

Andrew W. Walker
IMDb
--Anonymous
replies 85Dec 10, 2017 4:18 PM +00:00

Does Andrew ever take his shirt off???

--Anonymous
replies 86Dec 10, 2017 4:20 PM +00:00

He's been shirtless in several Lifetime movies over the last 15 years. I don't think in any Holiday movies, though.

He's never been shirtless on Hallmark as said above.

Andrew W. Walker is shirtless in the episode "We Have a Cop in Trouble Here" of Against the Wall. He's so cute!!!
groopii.blogspot.com
--Anonymous
replies 87Dec 10, 2017 4:24 PM +00:00

Some of these have really hot guys in them

--Anonymous
replies 88Dec 10, 2017 4:38 PM +00:00

Slate, predictably, being bitchy about Hallmark Christmas movies and fretting about the political, gender and racial identity side of things.

I’m bearing witness to all 42 hours of Hallmark’s sugary, sexist, preposterously plot hole–festooned, traditional, ecstatically Caucasian Christmas movies.
Slate Magazine
--Anonymous
replies 89Dec 12, 2017 3:13 PM +00:00

these are all stinkbombs. plots for the dumb an unimaginative. heck half of them star candace cameron who cannot act!

--Anonymous
replies 90Dec 12, 2017 3:15 PM +00:00

Slate so totally misses the point. These are meant as comfort food, not trenchant commentary on the issues of our time.

--Anonymous
replies 91Dec 12, 2017 3:19 PM +00:00

I know some Trumpsters who love Hallmark movies because the couples are usually white and there are no gays.

--Anonymous
replies 92Dec 12, 2017 4:31 PM +00:00
these are all stinkbombs. plots for the dumb an unimaginative. heck half of them star candace cameron who cannot act!

Outside of Netflix and Fuller House, Hallmark is probably the only other network wanting to work with Candace Cameron. I don't I have ever seen her in a Lifetime movie. In time, Danica McKellar or Lacey Chabert will probably dethrone Candace as Queen of Hallmark Movies.

--Anonymous
replies 93Dec 13, 2017 5:37 PM +00:00

Doesn't Candace own the 2 highest rated Hallmark movies ever? She isn't going anywhere unless Danica or Lacey up their fundie creds to incite the fraud.

--Anonymous
replies 94Dec 13, 2017 5:52 PM +00:00

If Netflix can buy her leftovers, they can damn sure take mine.

--DL favorite Emily Schulman, revising the final draft of SMALLER WONDER
replies 95Dec 13, 2017 6:12 PM +00:00
I know some Trumpsters who love Hallmark movies because the couples are usually white and there are no gays.

As for the latter, that's what they think.

--Anonymous
replies 96Dec 13, 2017 6:13 PM +00:00

Wasn't Slate the same one that posted that manifesto by a heterosexual pedophile?

--Anonymous
replies 97Dec 13, 2017 6:14 PM +00:00

Candace will be stuck with Hallmark for the rest of her career. Fuller House only shots 13 episodes her season so that leaves her with plenty of time to fly up to Canada to film a bunch movies each year.

--Anonymous
replies 98Dec 13, 2017 7:15 PM +00:00
If Netflix can buy her leftovers, they can damn sure take mine. —DL favorite Emily Schulman, revising the final draft of SMALLER WONDER

Oh poor Emily, people already get their robot fix with Westworld, Humans, and The Good Place. There isn't any room for Smaller Wonder.

--Anonymous
replies 99Dec 13, 2017 7:46 PM +00:00

top rated Hallmark movies in 2017 so far

1) Switched Christmas (Candace Cameron Bure) 5,166,000 viewers

2) The Christmas Train ( Dermot Mulroney,Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Joan Cusack, Danny Glover)t4,872,000

3) The Christmas Cottage (Merritt Patterson)t4,565,000

4) Coming Home for Christmast(Danica McKellar) 4,114,000

5) Finding Santa (Eric Winter, Jodie Sweetin)t4,061,000

top not Christmas themed movie All of my Heart: Inn Love ( Lacey Chabert) with 2,782,000 viewers

top rated Hallmark Movies and Mystery movies in 2017

1) Engaging Father Christmast(Erin Krakow)tt1,843,000

2) Christmas in Angel Fallst( Rachel Boston, Beau Bridges)tt1,769,000

3) Karen Kingsbury’s Maggie's Chrismtas Miraclet( Jill Wagner, Luke Macfarlane)tt1,664,000

4) A Bramble House Christmas ( Autumn Reeser)ttt1,656,000

5) Garage Sale Mystery: Murder by Textt(Lori Loughlin)tt1,650,000

--Anonymous
replies 100Dec 14, 2017 11:09 AM +00:00
Oh poor Emily, people already get their robot fix with Westworld, Humans, and The Good Place. There isn't any room for Smaller Wonder.

Poor Emily? At least she didn't sleep under a bridge!

--Jerry Supiran
replies 101Dec 14, 2017 11:28 AM +00:00
Poor Emily? At least she didn't sleep under a bridge!

Is there room for two under that bridge?

--America's Sweetheart Susan Richardson
replies 102Dec 14, 2017 12:26 PM +00:00

I wonder if Candace Cunt Bure is pissed about this.

Full disclosure: I’m not a big fan of Christmas movies. But my significant other is — and she spends the better part of November and December watching Hallmark Christmas movies.Thankfully, she does this when I’m at work. (I
www.times-standard.com
--Anonymous
replies 103Dec 15, 2017 2:53 PM +00:00

R103 “We have hired many LGBTQ actors,” the statement noted.

Apart from Luke McFarlane, who are these LGBTQ actors they hire? Do they count closet cases?

--Anonymous
replies 104Dec 15, 2017 3:08 PM +00:00

I hear that these movies are co-funded by military psy-ops. For what purpose?

--Anonymous
replies 105Dec 15, 2017 3:18 PM +00:00
Apart from Luke McFarlane, who are these LGBTQ actors they hire? Do they count closet cases?

I'm guessing they are counting Catherine Bell in there. Bell is those Good Witch movies and show. She came out as dating another woman last year.

--Anonymous
replies 106Dec 15, 2017 3:22 PM +00:00

I am watching The Christmas Train. Well actually I am deep cleaning my colon to take 10 inch bbc in two hours, and glancing at this. movie between swigs of whisky. Old Dermot Mulroney is still very handsome.

--Anonymous
replies 107Dec 15, 2017 3:53 PM +00:00

It's obnoxious that they start running these movies 24/7 starting before Halloween - preempting my Golden Girls, Murder She Wrote and I Love Lucy reruns for over 2 months. Monsters!

--Anonymous
replies 108Dec 15, 2017 3:53 PM +00:00

But please tell me, dafaq is a Christmas Train. I mean really.

All these movies look like they are filmed through a thick plastic show globe.

Someone should do a derive and overdub all new, disgusting dialogue and maybe some visually matched hard core porn subplot.

--Anonymous
replies 109Dec 15, 2017 3:57 PM +00:00
I know some Trumpsters who love Hallmark movies because the couples are usually white and there are no gays.

I completely believe this. Also, no other religions, no uppity women, no deep thought...

--Anonymous
replies 110Dec 15, 2017 4:01 PM +00:00

no sharp edges physically or cinematically.

--Anonymous
replies 111Dec 15, 2017 4:07 PM +00:00

Apparently they have a few warehouses filled with hideous treacly holiday decor and plaster the same stuff over set after set after set. Every single danmed surface is covered with it.

--Anonymous
replies 112Dec 15, 2017 4:08 PM +00:00

The Hallmark 2 month Christmas commercial is something I avoid. I often have it on later at night for Murder, She Wrote and the occasional Monk or other mystery film (typically, a disappointment) during the rest of the year. I'm sure their research showed they sold more stuff when they did all this Christmas activity, so they gradually moved their Christmas schedule back to the end of October. And now they even have several days in July.

--Anonymous
replies 113Dec 15, 2017 4:24 PM +00:00
I completely believe this. Also, no other religions, no uppity women, no deep thought...

Some of the movies will have uppity career women who later change their ways due to the men they get romantically involved with.

--Anonymous
replies 114Dec 15, 2017 5:10 PM +00:00

This non-Hallmark, non-Christmas movie (although I vaguely recall snow in some scenes), romance novel-type Lifetime movie is notable, to me anyway, for being the first thing in which I remember seeing the aforementioned Andrew W. Walker.

Sarah Wynter and Andrew W. Walker in Abducted: Fugitive for Love (2007)
IMDb
--Anonymous.
replies 115Dec 15, 2017 5:33 PM +00:00
I read some article in EW that said that these movies film in 2-3 weeks. That explains the bad cinematography.

How long did it take to make a TV movie in the 1970s and 1980s?

--Anonymous
replies 116Dec 15, 2017 5:36 PM +00:00

Why do these movies always look so flat? What are they filmed with? It looks like they use the cheapest camera possible. I saw this POS was on the other night and I thought of this thread. I couldn't watch it though, it was horrible. Could Andrew MCcarthy ever act? I think his boyish good looks got him so far for so long, now that he is old his "acting" style just isn't working anymore.

Andrew McCarthy and Michelle Nolden in Come Dance with Me (2012)
IMDb
--Anonymous
replies 117Dec 15, 2017 5:52 PM +00:00
Could Andrew MCcarthy ever act?

If I remember correctly, the answer to that was no. I think even when he was young and cute he was not considered a good actor.

--Anonymous
replies 118Dec 15, 2017 6:01 PM +00:00
I read some article in EW that said that these movies film in 2-3 weeks. That explains the bad cinematography.
How long did it take to make a TV movie in the 1970s and 1980s?

It was probably a few weeks for TV movies in the past. There are bunch of TV movies from that period up on youtube and some of them had shaky camera work.

--Anonymous
replies 119Dec 15, 2017 6:13 PM +00:00

Joan Cusack and Danny Glover are doing Hallmark Christmas movies?! Do they have gambling debts to pay off or something?!

--Anonymous
replies 120Dec 15, 2017 6:23 PM +00:00
Why do these movies always look so flat? What are they filmed with? It looks like they use the cheapest camera possible.

Everything about these movies is cheap. It wouldn't be surprising if they are using the cheapest cameras out there.

--Anonymous
replies 121Dec 15, 2017 7:46 PM +00:00

Kevin Spacey is having trouble getting work now.....hint, hint, Hallmark!!!!!

--Anonymous
replies 122Dec 15, 2017 7:48 PM +00:00

R122 Hallmark films in Canada. Would Spacey be ok fucking Canadian twinks who say aboot?

--Anonymous
replies 123Dec 15, 2017 7:49 PM +00:00

It's not cheap cameras as much as how they light the scens and use a deeper depth of field. Means focus is not as critical (actors don't have to perfectly hit their marks, so stuff gets shot faster) but everything's in focus, whereas usually backgrounds are much blurrier.

Just randomly stopped on "Wrapped Up In Christmas" (this one's Lifetime), having recognized Brendan Fehr (Roswell, Bones, The Night Shift) and then DL fave Kim "Tootie" Fields. Shocker, this one appears to be shot in Utah.

--Anonymous
replies 124Dec 16, 2017 4:39 AM +00:00

They dont need "cinematography". They are shot like workaday tv shows because that is what they are.

I haven't decided if the digital snow is the most annoying or most appealingly tacky distraction.

Also, I find myself scanning each scene to count the number of garlands, wreaths and balls and quickly ponder the incongruousness of why certain places or objects are decorated. A pickup truck? A banker's office?

I also adore the Christmas "lights" being "on" outside in daylight and being visible.

Also all the cheap wet blacktop in the Potemkin village "charming villages" decor, in "cheery" outdoor scenes

--Anonymous
replies 125Dec 16, 2017 4:56 AM +00:00

Town gazebos figure prominently.

Why hasn't SNL parodied these schlockfests?

--Anonymous
replies 126Dec 16, 2017 4:58 AM +00:00

Most of the women do soap-opera whisper voice acting.

--Anonymous
replies 127Dec 16, 2017 5:00 AM +00:00
How long did it take to make a TV movie in the 1970s and 1980s?

This is kind of a sad answer - Susan Lucci would usually be off All My Children 3 to 4 weeks during her TV movie phase.

However, there was a wide range of quality of TV movies back in the day. Some were just guilty pleasures, but some were well done with higher production values, actors etc.

--Anonymous
replies 128Dec 16, 2017 5:01 AM +00:00

In night scenes, the lighting is especially revealing. All the sprayed on snow foam looks like shiny disgusting grey slime.

--Anonymous
replies 129Dec 16, 2017 5:02 AM +00:00

I think Hallmark should make 1 white trash xmas movie for every 5 of these middle-class Aryan fantasies. And 1 ethnic trash movie for every 10. The trashy ones would be just a popular in the mix, I guarantee it.

--Anonymous
replies 130Dec 16, 2017 5:07 AM +00:00

The Parkersburg Christmas Miracle, A Hallmark Classic

4.bp.blogspot.com
--Anonymous
replies 131Dec 16, 2017 5:10 AM +00:00

The Year the Prancing Elites Saved Christmas!, a Hallmark Holiday Spactacular

i.dailymail.co.uk
--Anonymous
replies 132Dec 16, 2017 5:14 AM +00:00

I 💟 U R131 !

--🎄 Merry Christmas
replies 133Dec 16, 2017 5:18 AM +00:00

The black friend is almost always female. She has a slight butterscotch complexion, not too dark. The hair is colored a soft brown and done in a medium perm, picked round, chunky, and big so the audience remembers this is a black woman they’re seeing. Her figure is slim with the same flat ass and she wears the same frau sweaters as the white female lead. Even if the action takes place in the Evil Big City, the black friend doesn’t have a trace of a urban or American modern black vernacular, the only give away is some badly written dialogue like “Girl, if you want your man back you need to show him!”

--Anonymous
replies 134Dec 16, 2017 5:20 AM +00:00

Hate the formular. Big City Life = Bad and soulless! / Small towns = Traditonal Family Values = Christmas! = Yay!

Gag me with a spoon.

--Anonymous
replies 135Dec 16, 2017 5:23 AM +00:00

Could they possibly afford Octavia Spencer? They could get her for: Opal's Xmas Rent Party! a Hallmark Seasonal Classic

i.dailymail.co.uk
--Anonymous
replies 136Dec 16, 2017 5:29 AM +00:00

On the very very rate occasion, a black woman might be the white heroine's boss. However, black boss lady has been corrupted by the Evil Big City, and only cares about business and success, and expects white frauletter heroine to do her job, until white fraulette heroine teaches her the value of christmas cookies and tinsel. Thank you white fraulette heroine!!

--Anonymous
replies 137Dec 16, 2017 6:12 AM +00:00

God, even the ads are formulaic! The man wears green (or red), the woman wears red (or green). Snow. Mistletoe. Title written in cursive.

Gag.

--Anonymous
replies 138Dec 16, 2017 7:08 AM +00:00

Bryan Singer is available to direct

--Anonymous
replies 139Dec 16, 2017 7:45 AM +00:00
Why hasn't SNL parodied these schlockfests?

I don't think enough of SNL's audience would be familiar with what they'd be parodying.

--Anonymous
replies 140Dec 16, 2017 7:57 AM +00:00

Next Christmas's lineup will include movies featuring Kevin Spacey, Dustin Hoffman, Matt Lauer, Johnny Iuzzini, and many other Sex Pests.

Directed by Bryan Singer, Woody Allen, Dan Schneider and Roman Polanski.

Produced by Harvey Weinstein.

--Anonymous
replies 141Dec 16, 2017 7:58 AM +00:00
Why hasn't SNL parodied these schlockfests?

This is the closest parody they have done. It's more about making fun of the titles and plots.

In this commercial parody, the Hallmark Channel promotes their Countdown to Christmas, which includes heartwarming family films like, Skyping with Santa, Scr...
YouTube
--Anonymous
replies 142Dec 16, 2017 9:38 AM +00:00

MAD TV would have made the same points better than either R142 or OP.

--Anonymous
replies 143Dec 16, 2017 9:41 AM +00:00

I agree a MadTV parody would have great. Too bad the MadTV revival on CW flopped.

--Anonymous
replies 144Dec 16, 2017 11:14 AM +00:00

I want to see Phylicia Rashad's Christmas Nap

--Anonymous
replies 145Dec 16, 2017 6:34 PM +00:00

It’s candy box crap!

i.pinimg.com
--Susan Hayward from the grave.
replies 146Dec 16, 2017 7:38 PM +00:00
I agree a MadTV parody would have great. Too bad the MadTV revival on CW flopped.

It should have been in late night, but Fox apparently gave up 11:00 PM Saturday after the Wanda Sykes show ended, and the CW never even tried it there. And doing it in live-action again seemed redundant once the animated MAD was on Cartoon Network.

--Anonymous
replies 147Dec 16, 2017 7:48 PM +00:00
Apart from Luke McFarlane, who are these LGBTQ actors they hire? Do they count closet cases?

Some of the Canadians who play minor characters might be gay.

--Anonymous
replies 148Dec 16, 2017 10:01 PM +00:00
I want to see Phylicia Rashad's Christmas Nap

Does the opening scene show Cosby drugging her eggnog?

--Anonymous
replies 149Dec 17, 2017 4:56 AM +00:00

Hallmark can’t be all that homophobic. After all, their daily HOME & FAMILY show often features ultra femme Ken Wengart as one of its on-air DIY guys. He even talks up his family a lot, which includes the hubby and kids. Admittedly, I only watch it to see hottie Mark Steines and his magnificent bubble butt.

redcarpetcrash.com
--Anonymous
replies 150Dec 17, 2017 5:25 AM +00:00

Of the Canadian studs they often get to star in these things, I prefer hunky Damon Runyan.

pixel51.com
--Anonymous
replies 151Dec 17, 2017 5:26 AM +00:00
Hallmark can’t be all that homophobic. After all, their daily HOME & FAMILY show often features ultra femme Ken Wengart as one of its on-air DIY guys. He even talks up his family a lot, which includes the hubby and kids. Admittedly, I only watch it to see hottie Mark Steines and his magnificent bubble butt.

I think they are just homophobic when it comes to their movies and original shows. Hallmark has aired the episode of The Golden Girls that features Blanche's gay brother.

--Anonymous
replies 152Dec 17, 2017 6:21 AM +00:00

Hallmark movies are targeted to women. They’re akin to those old Harlequin romance novels. It’s pure escapism and wish fulfillment fantasies. The straight female characters fall in love with heterosexual men in these movies. That’s the way it is.

--Anonymous
replies 153Dec 17, 2017 7:08 AM +00:00

^Exactly.

--Anonymous
replies 154Dec 17, 2017 7:16 AM +00:00
I think they are just homophobic when it comes to their movies and original shows. Hallmark has aired the episode of The Golden Girls that features Blanche's gay brother.

Their versions of GG are a complete mess if you own the DVDs or remember the network run; the episode "The Days and Nights of Sophia Petrillo" cuts the whole scene of Sophia volunteering with the boy with AIDS.

Now you want to talk about channels who skip over episodes, there was a fly-by-night digital cable rerun-and-infomercial channel recently called FamilyNet that had a bunch of Sony shows including Silver Spoons; they skipped over Pearl Bailey's guest appearance but not Bruce Jenner's!

--Anonymous
replies 155Dec 17, 2017 7:20 AM +00:00

Mark Steines is a DADDY. What’s his story?

--College boy with mornings off— shameless hallmark viewer
replies 156Dec 17, 2017 8:57 AM +00:00

I found myself horrifically addicted to one of their shitty series on Netflix - that crappy one about the prim schoolteacher and the Mountie - and dear *god* it was bad. The one thing that I noticed a lot was that in the first series, sorry, "season" was that the mountie had a noticeable bulge whenever he walked and then, whoosh, second season he looked like he'd been told how to tuck it away by RuPaul. There is *zero* chemistry and/or sex appeal in these guys, none. And I have to agree: they're all seemingly populated by Canadian WASPS.

--Anonymous
replies 157Dec 17, 2017 9:07 AM +00:00

R157 That Mountie guy is hot. He guest starred on NBC's Timeless when they filmed up in Canada last year.

--Anonymous
replies 158Dec 17, 2017 9:13 AM +00:00

And who the actual kitteny fuck keeps getting Lori fucking Loughlin work? Seriously, whose cock is that bitch licking?

--Anonymous
replies 159Dec 17, 2017 9:15 AM +00:00

Steines was a bachelor for a long time after divorcing Leanza Cornett, but he recently remarried and they just had a baby girl. It’s too bad, because I’m sure neither wife knew and/or knows how to handle all that ass.

--Anonymous
replies 160Dec 17, 2017 9:26 AM +00:00

R157, are you referring to When Calls the Heart? A stupid name for a tv series if I’ve ever heard one.

--Anonymous
replies 161Dec 17, 2017 9:27 AM +00:00

That's the shit, R161. I don't know why I kept watching it. It's not as eye-rollingly awful as Downton and has zero sexy-times in it. Honestly, it was chastity-belt telly. Awful crap.

--Anonymous
replies 162Dec 17, 2017 9:29 AM +00:00

“Cedar Cove” was a guilty pleasure of mine, I’m ashamed to admit.

--Anonymous
replies 163Dec 17, 2017 9:31 AM +00:00

SNL did another parody for the recent James Franco episode. It didn't make it to the broadcast show.

From the company that writes one-sentence greeting cards comes 21 full-length movies. #SNL #SNL43 Get more SNL: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live Full E...
YouTube
--Anonymous
replies 164Dec 21, 2017 11:33 AM +00:00

I'd love to see a Mystery Science Theater show that featured some of these.

All of the men look like JC Penny catalog sweater models, which terrifies me

I think you've captured it perfectly. That image on the right looks like it came right out of a Sears catalog ("Our new line of stylish winter coats for him and for her, just the thing for those cold winter nights!")

img.washingtonpost.com
--Anonymous
replies 165Dec 21, 2017 1:11 PM +00:00

This little gem has flown under our radar for too long:

Directed by Michael Campus. With Peter O'Toole, Jared Padalecki, Marcia Gay Harden, Aaron Ashmore. A look at the inspiration behind Thomas Kinkade's painting The Christmas Cottage, and how the artist was motivated to begin his career after discovering his mother was in danger of losing their family home.
IMDb
--Anonymous
replies 166Dec 22, 2017 9:27 AM +00:00

There's a Thomas Kinkade gallery in Monterey, CA and it's just awful. I call it the "Communist Doll House."

--Anonymous
replies 167Dec 22, 2017 9:36 AM +00:00

Marcia Gay Harden, Oscar winner, is in that Christmas Cottage movie. Sad!

--Anonymous
replies 168Dec 22, 2017 2:51 PM +00:00

Check your agenda:

Come out of the cold and join Lori Loughlin by the fire for Hallmark Channel’s “2018 Winterfest Preview Show” airing on Saturday, December 30th (9:30 p.m. ET/PT). In the half hour special, Lori gives viewers a first look at the network’s annual programming event “Winterfest” from a cozy and warm cabin-like setting. “Winterfest,” a slate of four all new winter-themed movies premiering every Saturday in January, kicks off with “Love on the Slopes” (Saturday, January 6th 9 p.m. ET/PT), followed by “Frozen in Love” (Saturday, January 13th 9 p.m. ET/PT), “One Winter Weekend” (Saturday, January 20th 9 p.m. ET/PT) and “Winter’s Dream” (Saturday, January 27th 9 p.m. ET/PT).

--Anonymous
replies 169Dec 22, 2017 2:55 PM +00:00

"Marcia Gay Harden, Oscar winner, is in that Christmas Cottage movie. Sad!"

So is Peter O'Toole, a pretty big step down from Lawrence of Arabia

--Anonymous
replies 170Dec 22, 2017 4:49 PM +00:00

Some of the comments on this site are hilarious especially this one that is response to Hallmark being called for out for homophobia.

Not a complaint-you could perhaps have more diversity, but you must and most importantly keep the wholesome family heterosexual values. Husband and Wife, boy and girl. We don't need gansta drama, BET could be producing there own Christmas and wholesome romance shows,but I guess the outcry must not be that big-just a few loudmouths wanting to start trouble. If there is such a large outcry for homosexual relationship or Christmas shows I would think a LGBTQ channel would be rising to the occasion. Keep your family values, your not going to lose your strong base, it would be foolish to do otherwise.
www.complaintboard.com
--Anonymous
replies 171Dec 25, 2017 8:42 PM +00:00

My mother has been watching these nonstop since I got here last week. They're so sickly sweet I find it nauseating.

--Anonymous
replies 172Dec 25, 2017 9:02 PM +00:00

I watched one with Gretchen Weiner in it the other day. She was playing Office Gretchen! who suddenly wishes for bravery. I'll admit, her boss in the film was definitely fuckable, but my god, she's so deserving of a gunshot to the vaj. Awful creature.

--Anonymous
replies 173Dec 26, 2017 8:35 AM +00:00
This is kind of a sad answer - Susan Lucci would usually be off All My Children 3 to 4 weeks during her TV movie phase.
However, there was a wide range of quality of TV movies back in the day. Some were just guilty pleasures, but some were well done with higher production values, actors etc.

I remember those days. Some TV movies from the 70s-90s were much better than what Hallmark and Lifetime churns out. I remember some TV movies have bad cinematography, but the acting was top notch. Many of the TV movies Patty Duke did were fantastic when the supporting cast members were just as good as her.

--Anonymous
replies 174Jan 19, 2018 6:10 PM +00:00

Well, we've moved on to our next Hallmark Holiday -- Valentine's Day! And yes, there are movies to go with it! First up, Lacey Chabert in "My Secret Valentine!"

--Anonymous
replies 175Jan 19, 2018 6:28 PM +00:00

The loyal Hallmark viewers are pissed because Psych reruns were added to the channel. Some of the other reviews and complaints are hilarious.

Hallmark Channel review with 1 Comment: I think your choice to add the ridiculous Psych to your program line up was a huge mistake. It is, in my opinion, a complete mistake.
Pissed Consumer
--Anonymous
replies 176Jan 21, 2018 8:01 AM +00:00

You do get kind of hooked on having these movies on in the background. They're harmless fluff.

--Anonymous
replies 177Jan 21, 2018 11:27 AM +00:00