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Why do gay men hate Sam Smith?

Your mother loves him. Your grandmother loves him. Mary J. Blige and Gladys Knight love him. The whole world loves him, recently sending him to number one on Spotify’s Global Top 50.

But there’s one exception to the rule. Gay men.

OK, not all gay men. But enough of them. Most I know roll their eyes at the mere mention of his name.

We see it every time we write about him on Gay Star News. The hostility is fierce.

‘Pathetic attention whore,’ said one non-fan when we reported on Sam’s new new romance this week.

‘I can’t stand this ex-fat and his “sad declarations,”‘ elaborated another. ‘He only wants attention, and believe[s] he’s the only gay guy in the world. When he doesn’t understand, even gay guys we can’t stand him.’


Sam’s believed to be dating 13 Reasons Why star Brandon Flynn. I must admit, he’s picked a convenient time to speak about it for the first time – the week before his new album comes out. And on Ellen’s sofa no less.

The news coincides with his – I think, brave – revelation about gender fluidity, that he’s ‘as much a woman as I am man’, in the Sunday Times.

Once again, there were negative reactions. Some were disbelieving. Others were misogynistic, transphobic and abusive.

At this point I ask: how much more of this is he meant to take?

He’s one of the most talented and successful gay men of his generation, but his peers want to take him down. Why? The inconvenient truth is, we’re jealous of him.

Of course, there are legitimate reasons to not like him. I too have struggled to warm to him – he annoyed me by waiting a few years into his career to come out publicly, surprising absolutely no one. (But as I always remind myself, I’ve no right to dictate when someone does, even if they’re rich, famous and privileged.)

That same year, he deigned to question app culture. ‘No offence to people who go on Tinder but I just feel like it’s ruining romance, I really do,’ he said.

‘We’re losing the art of conversation and being able to go and speak to people and you’re swiping people. […] Stop Tinder and Grindr!’

His comments prompted the still-irresistible Gawker headline ‘Sam Smith’s fucked up gay conservatism‘ and the pulverising line: ‘I wonder if Smith leaves his shirt on during sex because he needs to keep his heart on his sleeve.’

Again, ouch.

Worse still was the fall-out from that acceptance speech. Last year, he referred to himself as the first gay man to win an Oscar, inspiring the wrath of Dustin Lance Black and many others. (The song itself, a middling Bond theme, Sam wrote ‘in about 20 minutes.’)

He swiftly apologised, temporarily quit Twitter, and risked everything by disappearing for a staggering 18 months – almost unheard for a star of his stature. For some it wasn’t enough.

OK, he’s made some mistakes. But it’s easy to forget just how young Sam Smith is, old soul or not. He was 23 at the time of the Oscars gaffe. Who hasn’t said something as stupid, or worse, aged 23 and beyond?

We drag Sam like we drag Tom Daley for not living up to expectations. But there’s no ‘correct’ way for a gay man to be, famous or not. All Sam has to do is sing. All Tom has to do is dive. Not everyone has to be endlessly politicized and outspoken – there is such a thing as free will. (Although to his credit, Sam spoke out in support of Australian marriage equality recently).

Furthermore, while we dismiss elements of Sam’s image as ‘safe’ and straight-baiting, misogynists might condemn the same as traditionally feminine and overly emotional. Most notably in his biggest hit Stay With Me, in which he desperately begs his one night stand to be tender with him. (Who hasn’t been there? More to the point, who’s willing to admit it?)

But he isn’t compromising. His new songs Too Good At Goodbyes and Pray are as emotional and navel-gazing as ever. Millennial gay men were all over it when Adele took the same course two years ago.

Seriously, why aren’t we getting behind the most successful and talented gay men in a generation? I think I know the answer
Gay Star News
replies 80Oct 26, 2017 2:15 PM +00:00


There is something subversive about Sam’s femininity. It’s not a parody – he’s not ‘sashaying away’ – and it’s not a huge political statement, either. He’s just being himself. And in doing so, selling millions of records, making millions of dollars and the cherry on top: he’s found a boyfriend.

He’s rich, famous and, ironically, quite happy, and he’s not had to feign masculinity, invent an activist persona or in any way change who he is to get there. In fact, he’s evolving, speaking out about tricky gender questions in an entirely personal way. And that, I think, is a tough pill for some of his peers to swallow.

But what does it matter? Evidently, Sam doesn’t need the gay community’s support to be a star.

It’s a shame gay men aren’t more behind a member of their own tribe. But conversely, maybe there’s a silver lining there. We’ve long idolized straight pop stars and claimed them as our own. Maybe the opposite being true of Sam and his straight fans indicates a levelling of the playing field.

I say good luck to him.

replies 1Oct 26, 2017 2:16 PM +00:00

There's already a thread about him that people are on 'sam smith comes out as gender non binary'

replies 2Oct 26, 2017 3:20 PM +00:00

I don't hate him. I hate his lame, whiny music.

replies 3Oct 26, 2017 4:14 PM +00:00

Because he’s bald.

replies 4Oct 26, 2017 4:18 PM +00:00

And really stupid

--The first gay man to do anything ever!
replies 5Oct 26, 2017 4:39 PM +00:00

He has Brandon Flynn so I hate him.

replies 6Oct 26, 2017 4:48 PM +00:00

I agree with the author that the hate he got for the "first gay man" stuff is utterly disproportional. He was just a bit ignorant of gay history in pop culture. Can you blame him? This doesn't make him a villain of any sort.

replies 7Oct 26, 2017 6:20 PM +00:00

He’s fucking ugly. Duh.

replies 8Oct 26, 2017 6:25 PM +00:00

The fact that the two examples of the negative posts cited both mentioned the fact he's so desperate for attention should've tipped the author of as to the answer to their question.

replies 9Oct 26, 2017 6:28 PM +00:00

Female singers are just as attention-seeking. Beyoncé once faked a pregnancy picture, for God's sake. Yet gay men don't hate her, or Adele, or Britney Spears, or Ariana Grande - they worship them.

The author is right that gay men simply waiting to tear other gay men 5 new holes for totally banal shit.

replies 10Oct 26, 2017 6:41 PM +00:00

The anti-Millennial shit is actually anti-leftist propaganda disguised as inter-generational warfare. Millennials want to push the country in a more socialist direction, but instead of engaging with their arguments and desires, the press just tries to put them in their place by inciting a backlash from older generations against youth "entitlement". That's why some of the most anti-Millennial outlets (Bloomberg, for example) are so closely aligned with the financial market - they're protecting their clients' interests.

And older people just eat that garbage up, probably because they want to feel better about getting old.

We all have obsessions that manifest in ways we’re not aware of. In the case of media conglomerate Bloomberg, it seems its editorial team is completely infatuated with the millennials, this new generation of 18- to 34-year-olds who refuse to play by the rules of the Olds. After reviewing dozens and dozens of articles by a variety of Bloomberg writers, Gizmodo has one question: Which millennial hurt you, Bloomberg? Here’s just a small selection of the site’s millennial coverage over the past three years:
replies 11Oct 26, 2017 6:50 PM +00:00

Wrong thread.

replies 12Oct 26, 2017 6:51 PM +00:00

I don't hate him. I just don't care for his music.

replies 13Oct 26, 2017 6:55 PM +00:00

Hey Gay Men: Give Sam Smith a Break

replies 14Nov 4, 2017 6:19 PM +00:00

Not thinking about him isn't the same as hating him.... too bad he can't understand the difference.

--Attention Whore Who Doesn't Realize He's Mediocre
replies 15Nov 4, 2017 6:22 PM +00:00

I refuse to support anyone who pushes that nonbinary pomo crap. It is he who refuses to support us and is actively hurting us in doing so.

replies 16Nov 4, 2017 6:22 PM +00:00

His music is insipid. He copied a Tom Petty song. He has demonstrated ignorance of music and gay history. Now he is a she-male, so why would we care about this witless, talentless fucktard?

replies 17Nov 4, 2017 6:24 PM +00:00

He seems ....nothing. I have no idea why he is lionized.

replies 18Nov 4, 2017 6:24 PM +00:00

He needs to shut up and sing.

replies 19Nov 4, 2017 6:32 PM +00:00

It’s quite simple. Those before him like Freddie Mercury, Little Richard, George Michael, Luther Vandross, Liberace, and hell even Sylvester had one thing that Sam lacks.....which is “Stage Presence”! Those men had assertive demeanors/infectious attitudes that made listeners excited to see them perform. When Sam Smith comes on I feel like yawning. He comes off too passive and sings with no power!! He’s a waler, not a belter! And as a gay man living in this time and era, I want a gay male pop singer that can perform with some vibrato!!! With Power & Style! & Sex appeal has nothing to do with it

replies 20Nov 4, 2017 6:44 PM +00:00

I support plenty of gay musicians. Just last month I saw Johnny Mathis in concert. Why doesn't music sound like that anymore?

replies 21Nov 4, 2017 6:45 PM +00:00

Sam Smith Is Living His Best Life

replies 22Nov 4, 2017 6:46 PM +00:00


replies 23Nov 4, 2017 6:55 PM +00:00

Sam Smith has some real self-hatred issues if he buys into any of that jenn-durr crap.

Another special snowflake. In an interview with The Times on October 22nd 2017 he was asked if he identified as a cisgender man. He said no. He feels like a ...
replies 24Nov 4, 2017 7:20 PM +00:00
replies 25Nov 15, 2017 11:46 PM +00:00

most of my friends who joke about smith are the same people desperate for representation blah blah

replies 26Nov 15, 2017 11:49 PM +00:00

oh and the first gay man oscar comment

replies 27Nov 15, 2017 11:49 PM +00:00

I don't hate him but this gender non-binary bs is just too much

replies 28Nov 15, 2017 11:55 PM +00:00

Fat, insecure bottom feeding wish they could be a rapist like bryan singer losers all seem to hate him! Datalounge seems full of them. I am proud of him for losing weight and finding a guy who he can be himself with. Also he won an oscar so there's that. The haters can just kill themselves or choke on a cock.It will probably be killing themselves, I doubt most of you posting hate about him would be lucky to even have one in your mouths!

replies 29Nov 15, 2017 11:59 PM +00:00


replies 30Nov 16, 2017 12:01 AM +00:00

I wouldn't mind fucking him tbh

replies 31Nov 16, 2017 12:02 AM +00:00

[r29] hahahaha

is all hate rooted in jealousy ?

replies 32Nov 16, 2017 12:03 AM +00:00

I don't know anything about him and neither does my mom, but we do know we don't like his music. It's not just gay guys who aren't into his music obviously. But clearly someone out there is, so good luck to him.

replies 33Nov 16, 2017 12:18 AM +00:00

R29 = Sambot.

Welcome to Datalounge cunt.

replies 34Nov 16, 2017 3:20 AM +00:00

R34 hurling the cunt proves the point. A little perspective please. The Advocate just did a piece crying over all the twitter hate over the gay kiss in Star Trek Discovery. The internet is toxic now and every nasty moron thinks their opinion matters. Ignore them. They don't represent that many people.

I definitely take issue with the "gay men feel or do" [insert issue here]. Hate is a pretty strong word and something I generally don't feel for celebrities or someone I don't know, except for politicians and other people who do something seriously wrong. I know who he is. I've heard a couple of songs that I thought were okay, but not great. What's there to hate?

replies 35Nov 16, 2017 3:28 AM +00:00
Your mother loves him. Your grandmother loves him. Mary J. Blige and Gladys Knight love him. The whole world loves him, recently sending him to number one on Spotify’s Global Top 50.

You answered your own question.

BTW, I like him as a celebrity but his music doesn’t move me. The LAST thing I want to hear when I listen to music is whiny ballad after whiny ballad.

replies 36Nov 16, 2017 4:24 AM +00:00

He comes across as self obsessed (even by celebrity standards) and since he experienced some negative attention he affects this faux sense of humility that just doesn’t seem genuine at all. If he pulled back from all the wistful navel gazing and hand wringing about his place in pop culture he would probably receive less flack.

replies 37Nov 16, 2017 4:44 AM +00:00

I don’t hate him, and he’s not ugly. He seems like a weepy, emotional marshmallow. Adele sings steretypical, sad torch songs but is self-deprecating and fun. Sam’s like the sadsack friend-of-a-friend who wants to tag along every time. You know the type.

He also squanders his voice on what amounts to easy listening. If I could sing like that, I’d fucking belt and show some soul once in awhile.

replies 38Nov 16, 2017 4:54 AM +00:00

Lil Xan will be the next one to overdose.

replies 39Nov 20, 2017 6:47 PM +00:00

Whoever told this guy he looked good with very short hair should be shot.

His appearance would improve immeasurably if that face was framed by some collar length hair, maybe a bit of a fringe.

replies 40Nov 20, 2017 6:48 PM +00:00
I don't hate him but this gender non-binary bs is just too much

I will not support anyone who pushes this crap. It is anti-gay to the core.

replies 41Nov 20, 2017 6:53 PM +00:00

He's embarrassing.

For some reason he rubs me the wrong way, but a gay country-esque singer who might perform in a jockstrap once and a while doesn't.

Steve Grand, regardless of his kinks, seems like a down to earth guy.

Sam Smith seems like a greasy A-gay. The kind who just takes (or ATTEMPTS to take) whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He seems like a weasel. We need more boys next door, not "men who don't dance at clubs and then stare at people while leaning against the wall and then prey on someone at least 10 years their junior."

--There. I said it.
replies 42Dec 6, 2017 11:16 AM +00:00

'Cause you know he's "one of those".

replies 43Dec 6, 2017 11:16 AM +00:00
The author is right that gay men simply waiting to tear other gay men 5 new holes for totally banal shit.

Those gurls is dangerous.
replies 44Dec 6, 2017 11:20 AM +00:00
The author is right that gay men simply waiting to tear other gay men 5 new holes for totally banal shit.

That's just the point, his music IS totally banal shit. And after his renunciation of both his homosexuality and his maleness, at this point, listening to him is like listening to Anita Bryant.

We still don’t want you.
the DataLounge
replies 45Dec 6, 2017 11:22 AM +00:00

r42 I was following you until you blurted this out: " who don't dance at clubs and then stare at people while leaning against the wall and then prey on someone at least 10 years their junior."

That's genuinely imbecilic.

replies 46Dec 6, 2017 11:24 AM +00:00

The only time I liked him was when he put the moves on Tom Daley and made Dustin Lance Back get his claws out and have "get your hands off my boyfriend, you thirsty bitch!" moment on Twitter.

There is something off about him. Not just the whole "first gay ever!" blunder or the "oh, I wrote the Bond song (I assume his part, or does he claim he wrote the whole song?) while I sat on the loo for like 20 minutes!" boasting. It's the whole former fattie now taking revenge vibe he gives off. A bit creepy.

replies 47Dec 6, 2017 11:46 AM +00:00

because he sucks, Boy George was so much better.

replies 48Dec 6, 2017 11:48 AM +00:00

You people are stupid if you believe artists are not vain and boastful. They might play the humble for the public eye, but that's about it. I don't fault Sam for being more honest about his Narcissus.

replies 49Dec 6, 2017 11:53 AM +00:00

He’s just not very attractive. He looks like a ground sloth. You can only get away with the slights on his resume when you’re hot.

replies 50Dec 6, 2017 11:54 AM +00:00

He acts like a pussy. Like a weakling.

replies 51Dec 6, 2017 12:19 PM +00:00

We saw Sam Smith and Harry Styles looking very close last night at Halfway to Heaven in Charing Cross.

replies 52Dec 6, 2017 4:04 PM +00:00

jealous caftan wearing fatties. I'd fuck him tbh. He's not that bad looking and can sing! Bet he gives great head!

replies 53Dec 7, 2017 10:27 PM +00:00

I've never even heard of him.

replies 54Dec 8, 2017 6:16 AM +00:00

What kind of spaz are you, R54? The guy won four Grammys in 2015.

replies 55Dec 9, 2017 6:15 PM +00:00

Not a really great voice or songs.

replies 56Dec 9, 2017 6:18 PM +00:00

R55 pays attention to Grammys.

replies 57Dec 9, 2017 6:33 PM +00:00

Lame, whiney, dull.

replies 58Dec 9, 2017 8:50 PM +00:00

I've never heard a song by him I liked. He bleats. I wanted to like him. It's not his looks. I feel the same way about Eli Lieb and Sean Mendes. Their voices are even worse than Sam Smith's.

replies 59Dec 9, 2017 8:52 PM +00:00
‘I can’t stand this ex-fat'

Only gay men would hate someone not simply for being fat but for ONCE being fat--and admit to it.

--another gay man
replies 60Dec 9, 2017 8:52 PM +00:00

He looks like he has an unpleasant odor.

replies 61Dec 9, 2017 8:58 PM +00:00

I've literally never heard of him. No idea who this is.

replies 62Dec 9, 2017 9:14 PM +00:00

Needs a better wig

replies 63Dec 10, 2017 8:10 AM +00:00

replies 64Jan 3, 2018 12:37 PM +00:00

Pretty AF:
replies 65Jan 3, 2018 12:37 PM +00:00

Straights like him because he's a nonthreatening ineffectual gay. Gays hate him because he reminds us of every dull, insipid, needy white gay queen we all try to avoid.

replies 66Jan 3, 2018 12:58 PM +00:00

I like him/

replies 67Jan 3, 2018 1:23 PM +00:00

I don't like his music. He's okay.

replies 68Jan 3, 2018 1:32 PM +00:00

i'd cum in his ass and i just don't do with that with anyone

replies 69Jan 3, 2018 4:27 PM +00:00

That pic at R65 is why

--Tired & haggard
replies 70Jan 4, 2018 6:39 AM +00:00

He sings well. He probably has money. 2 items most of you fat, wrinkled, too jaded to participate in life so you just sit on the side lines saying shit that has nothing to do with you types .

replies 71Jan 4, 2018 8:33 AM +00:00

His music is dreary and seems to reinforce the notion of the sad outcast gay boy. Too close to the bone for most of us. Gays demand escapism in their entertainment -- glamour, exuberance, wit, adventure, love, debauchery -- everything our real lives lack. I'm not even sure who Sam is singing for. He's down the same rabbithole as latter-day George Michael, though George's songwriting and singing was more lush and elegant and accomplished.

replies 72Jan 4, 2018 9:29 AM +00:00

R71 needs a tire iron to the base of the skull

replies 73Jan 4, 2018 10:16 AM +00:00

He's trying to present himself as a super cute twink a la Troye Sivan, but he's actually a mangy chav type. Fug all the way.

replies 74Jan 10, 2018 6:50 PM +00:00
replies 75Jan 10, 2018 6:51 PM +00:00

I don't know a single gay in real life that hates him. Perhaps it's just on here?

replies 76Jan 10, 2018 7:07 PM +00:00

How could you hate him? He seems sweet. Plus that voice is so beautiful.

Best of Sam Smith Sam Smith - Live Subscribe for more Music video by Sam Smith performing P...
replies 77Jan 10, 2018 7:09 PM +00:00

I think r66 has it sussed. Smith is whiney, self-obsessed, and is highly overrated. In life and in his songs, his motto seems to be “poor me! Love me!”. He is straight person’s stereotype of a gay guy. No backbone.

Someone upthread compared him to Adele. Thematically, their songs are similar, but Adele brings a sense of theatricality and drama to her performance. Whereas Smith just seems to whinge through a song, Adele gives you a three or four-minute show. She is almost operatic in the energy she gives, and seems genuinely appreciative of the life her talent has given her. In contrast, Smith seems to want everyone to sympathise with him as a tortured genius. His talent doesn’t merit that.

replies 78Jan 10, 2018 7:09 PM +00:00

I like him.

replies 79Jan 10, 2018 7:15 PM +00:00

Rumors are that he is hoping to/or did propose to his bf while in Australia.

replies 80Jan 10, 2018 7:27 PM +00:00