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Why do gay men hate Sam Smith?

Your mother loves him. Your grandmother loves him. Mary J. Blige and Gladys Knight love him. The whole world loves him, recently sending him to number one on Spotify’s Global Top 50.

But there’s one exception to the rule. Gay men.

OK, not all gay men. But enough of them. Most I know roll their eyes at the mere mention of his name.

We see it every time we write about him on Gay Star News. The hostility is fierce.

‘Pathetic attention whore,’ said one non-fan when we reported on Sam’s new new romance this week.

‘I can’t stand this ex-fat and his “sad declarations,”‘ elaborated another. ‘He only wants attention, and believe[s] he’s the only gay guy in the world. When he doesn’t understand, even gay guys we can’t stand him.’

Ouch.

Sam’s believed to be dating 13 Reasons Why star Brandon Flynn. I must admit, he’s picked a convenient time to speak about it for the first time – the week before his new album comes out. And on Ellen’s sofa no less.

The news coincides with his – I think, brave – revelation about gender fluidity, that he’s ‘as much a woman as I am man’, in the Sunday Times.

Once again, there were negative reactions. Some were disbelieving. Others were misogynistic, transphobic and abusive.

At this point I ask: how much more of this is he meant to take?

He’s one of the most talented and successful gay men of his generation, but his peers want to take him down. Why? The inconvenient truth is, we’re jealous of him.

Of course, there are legitimate reasons to not like him. I too have struggled to warm to him – he annoyed me by waiting a few years into his career to come out publicly, surprising absolutely no one. (But as I always remind myself, I’ve no right to dictate when someone does, even if they’re rich, famous and privileged.)

That same year, he deigned to question app culture. ‘No offence to people who go on Tinder but I just feel like it’s ruining romance, I really do,’ he said.

‘We’re losing the art of conversation and being able to go and speak to people and you’re swiping people. […] Stop Tinder and Grindr!’

His comments prompted the still-irresistible Gawker headline ‘Sam Smith’s fucked up gay conservatism‘ and the pulverising line: ‘I wonder if Smith leaves his shirt on during sex because he needs to keep his heart on his sleeve.’

Again, ouch.

Worse still was the fall-out from that acceptance speech. Last year, he referred to himself as the first gay man to win an Oscar, inspiring the wrath of Dustin Lance Black and many others. (The song itself, a middling Bond theme, Sam wrote ‘in about 20 minutes.’)

He swiftly apologised, temporarily quit Twitter, and risked everything by disappearing for a staggering 18 months – almost unheard for a star of his stature. For some it wasn’t enough.

OK, he’s made some mistakes. But it’s easy to forget just how young Sam Smith is, old soul or not. He was 23 at the time of the Oscars gaffe. Who hasn’t said something as stupid, or worse, aged 23 and beyond?

We drag Sam like we drag Tom Daley for not living up to expectations. But there’s no ‘correct’ way for a gay man to be, famous or not. All Sam has to do is sing. All Tom has to do is dive. Not everyone has to be endlessly politicized and outspoken – there is such a thing as free will. (Although to his credit, Sam spoke out in support of Australian marriage equality recently).

Furthermore, while we dismiss elements of Sam’s image as ‘safe’ and straight-baiting, misogynists might condemn the same as traditionally feminine and overly emotional. Most notably in his biggest hit Stay With Me, in which he desperately begs his one night stand to be tender with him. (Who hasn’t been there? More to the point, who’s willing to admit it?)

But he isn’t compromising. His new songs Too Good At Goodbyes and Pray are as emotional and navel-gazing as ever. Millennial gay men were all over it when Adele took the same course two years ago.

Seriously, why aren’t we getting behind the most successful and talented gay men in a generation? I think I know the answer
Gay Star News
--Anonymous
replies 63Oct 26, 2017 1:15 PM +00:00

CONT.

There is something subversive about Sam’s femininity. It’s not a parody – he’s not ‘sashaying away’ – and it’s not a huge political statement, either. He’s just being himself. And in doing so, selling millions of records, making millions of dollars and the cherry on top: he’s found a boyfriend.

He’s rich, famous and, ironically, quite happy, and he’s not had to feign masculinity, invent an activist persona or in any way change who he is to get there. In fact, he’s evolving, speaking out about tricky gender questions in an entirely personal way. And that, I think, is a tough pill for some of his peers to swallow.

But what does it matter? Evidently, Sam doesn’t need the gay community’s support to be a star.

It’s a shame gay men aren’t more behind a member of their own tribe. But conversely, maybe there’s a silver lining there. We’ve long idolized straight pop stars and claimed them as our own. Maybe the opposite being true of Sam and his straight fans indicates a levelling of the playing field.

I say good luck to him.

--Anonymous
replies 1Oct 26, 2017 1:16 PM +00:00

There's already a thread about him that people are on 'sam smith comes out as gender non binary'

--Anonymous
replies 2Oct 26, 2017 2:20 PM +00:00

I don't hate him. I hate his lame, whiny music.

--Anonymous
replies 3Oct 26, 2017 3:14 PM +00:00

Because he’s bald.

--Anonymous
replies 4Oct 26, 2017 3:18 PM +00:00

And really stupid

--The first gay man to do anything ever!
replies 5Oct 26, 2017 3:39 PM +00:00

He has Brandon Flynn so I hate him.

--Anonymous
replies 6Oct 26, 2017 3:48 PM +00:00

I agree with the author that the hate he got for the "first gay man" stuff is utterly disproportional. He was just a bit ignorant of gay history in pop culture. Can you blame him? This doesn't make him a villain of any sort.

--Anonymous
replies 7Oct 26, 2017 5:20 PM +00:00

He’s fucking ugly. Duh.

--Anonymous
replies 8Oct 26, 2017 5:25 PM +00:00

The fact that the two examples of the negative posts cited both mentioned the fact he's so desperate for attention should've tipped the author of as to the answer to their question.

--Anonymous
replies 9Oct 26, 2017 5:28 PM +00:00

Female singers are just as attention-seeking. Beyoncé once faked a pregnancy picture, for God's sake. Yet gay men don't hate her, or Adele, or Britney Spears, or Ariana Grande - they worship them.

The author is right that gay men simply waiting to tear other gay men 5 new holes for totally banal shit.

--Anonymous
replies 10Oct 26, 2017 5:41 PM +00:00

The anti-Millennial shit is actually anti-leftist propaganda disguised as inter-generational warfare. Millennials want to push the country in a more socialist direction, but instead of engaging with their arguments and desires, the press just tries to put them in their place by inciting a backlash from older generations against youth "entitlement". That's why some of the most anti-Millennial outlets (Bloomberg, for example) are so closely aligned with the financial market - they're protecting their clients' interests.

And older people just eat that garbage up, probably because they want to feel better about getting old.

We all have obsessions that manifest in ways we’re not aware of. In the case of media conglomerate Bloomberg, it seems its editorial team is completely infatuated with the millennials, this new generation of 18- to 34-year-olds who refuse to play by the rules of the Olds. After reviewing dozens and dozens of articles by a variety of Bloomberg writers, Gizmodo has one question: Which millennial hurt you, Bloomberg? Here’s just a small selection of the site’s millennial coverage over the past three years:
Gizmodo
--Anonymous
replies 11Oct 26, 2017 5:50 PM +00:00

Wrong thread.

--R11
replies 12Oct 26, 2017 5:51 PM +00:00

I don't hate him. I just don't care for his music.

--Anonymous
replies 13Oct 26, 2017 5:55 PM +00:00

Hey Gay Men: Give Sam Smith a Break

--Anonymous
replies 14Nov 4, 2017 5:19 PM +00:00

Not thinking about him isn't the same as hating him.... too bad he can't understand the difference.

--Attention Whore Who Doesn't Realize He's Mediocre
replies 15Nov 4, 2017 5:22 PM +00:00

I refuse to support anyone who pushes that nonbinary pomo crap. It is he who refuses to support us and is actively hurting us in doing so.

--Anonymous
replies 16Nov 4, 2017 5:22 PM +00:00

His music is insipid. He copied a Tom Petty song. He has demonstrated ignorance of music and gay history. Now he is a she-male, so why would we care about this witless, talentless fucktard?

--Anonymous
replies 17Nov 4, 2017 5:24 PM +00:00

He seems ....nothing. I have no idea why he is lionized.

--Anonymous
replies 18Nov 4, 2017 5:24 PM +00:00

He needs to shut up and sing.

--Anonymous
replies 19Nov 4, 2017 5:32 PM +00:00

It’s quite simple. Those before him like Freddie Mercury, Little Richard, George Michael, Luther Vandross, Liberace, and hell even Sylvester had one thing that Sam lacks.....which is “Stage Presence”! Those men had assertive demeanors/infectious attitudes that made listeners excited to see them perform. When Sam Smith comes on I feel like yawning. He comes off too passive and sings with no power!! He’s a waler, not a belter! And as a gay man living in this time and era, I want a gay male pop singer that can perform with some vibrato!!! With Power & Style! & Sex appeal has nothing to do with it

--Anonymous
replies 20Nov 4, 2017 5:44 PM +00:00

I support plenty of gay musicians. Just last month I saw Johnny Mathis in concert. Why doesn't music sound like that anymore?

--Anonymous
replies 21Nov 4, 2017 5:45 PM +00:00

Sam Smith Is Living His Best Life

--Anonymous
replies 22Nov 4, 2017 5:46 PM +00:00

HE’S UGLY!!!!!! JFC. UGLY!

--Anonymous
replies 23Nov 4, 2017 5:55 PM +00:00

Sam Smith has some real self-hatred issues if he buys into any of that jenn-durr crap.

Another special snowflake. In an interview with The Times on October 22nd 2017 he was asked if he identified as a cisgender man. He said no. He feels like a ...
YouTube
--Anonymous
replies 24Nov 4, 2017 6:20 PM +00:00
pbs.twimg.com
--Anonymous
replies 25Nov 15, 2017 10:46 PM +00:00

most of my friends who joke about smith are the same people desperate for representation blah blah

--Anonymous
replies 26Nov 15, 2017 10:49 PM +00:00

oh and the first gay man oscar comment

--Anonymous
replies 27Nov 15, 2017 10:49 PM +00:00

I don't hate him but this gender non-binary bs is just too much

--Anonymous
replies 28Nov 15, 2017 10:55 PM +00:00

Fat, insecure bottom feeding wish they could be a rapist like bryan singer losers all seem to hate him! Datalounge seems full of them. I am proud of him for losing weight and finding a guy who he can be himself with. Also he won an oscar so there's that. The haters can just kill themselves or choke on a cock.It will probably be killing themselves, I doubt most of you posting hate about him would be lucky to even have one in your mouths!

--Anonymous
replies 29Nov 15, 2017 10:59 PM +00:00

Jealously

--Anonymous
replies 30Nov 15, 2017 11:01 PM +00:00

I wouldn't mind fucking him tbh

--Anonymous
replies 31Nov 15, 2017 11:02 PM +00:00

[r29] hahahaha

is all hate rooted in jealousy ?

--Anonymous
replies 32Nov 15, 2017 11:03 PM +00:00

I don't know anything about him and neither does my mom, but we do know we don't like his music. It's not just gay guys who aren't into his music obviously. But clearly someone out there is, so good luck to him.

--Anonymous
replies 33Nov 15, 2017 11:18 PM +00:00

R29 = Sambot.

Welcome to Datalounge cunt.

--Anonymous
replies 34Nov 16, 2017 2:20 AM +00:00

R34 hurling the cunt proves the point. A little perspective please. The Advocate just did a piece crying over all the twitter hate over the gay kiss in Star Trek Discovery. The internet is toxic now and every nasty moron thinks their opinion matters. Ignore them. They don't represent that many people.

I definitely take issue with the "gay men feel or do" [insert issue here]. Hate is a pretty strong word and something I generally don't feel for celebrities or someone I don't know, except for politicians and other people who do something seriously wrong. I know who he is. I've heard a couple of songs that I thought were okay, but not great. What's there to hate?

--Anonymous
replies 35Nov 16, 2017 2:28 AM +00:00
Your mother loves him. Your grandmother loves him. Mary J. Blige and Gladys Knight love him. The whole world loves him, recently sending him to number one on Spotify’s Global Top 50.

You answered your own question.

BTW, I like him as a celebrity but his music doesn’t move me. The LAST thing I want to hear when I listen to music is whiny ballad after whiny ballad.

--Anonymous
replies 36Nov 16, 2017 3:24 AM +00:00

He comes across as self obsessed (even by celebrity standards) and since he experienced some negative attention he affects this faux sense of humility that just doesn’t seem genuine at all. If he pulled back from all the wistful navel gazing and hand wringing about his place in pop culture he would probably receive less flack.

--Anonymous
replies 37Nov 16, 2017 3:44 AM +00:00

I don’t hate him, and he’s not ugly. He seems like a weepy, emotional marshmallow. Adele sings steretypical, sad torch songs but is self-deprecating and fun. Sam’s like the sadsack friend-of-a-friend who wants to tag along every time. You know the type.

He also squanders his voice on what amounts to easy listening. If I could sing like that, I’d fucking belt and show some soul once in awhile.

--Anonymous
replies 38Nov 16, 2017 3:54 AM +00:00

Lil Xan will be the next one to overdose.

--Anonymous
replies 39Nov 20, 2017 5:47 PM +00:00

Whoever told this guy he looked good with very short hair should be shot.

His appearance would improve immeasurably if that face was framed by some collar length hair, maybe a bit of a fringe.

--Anonymous
replies 40Nov 20, 2017 5:48 PM +00:00
I don't hate him but this gender non-binary bs is just too much

I will not support anyone who pushes this crap. It is anti-gay to the core.

--Anonymous
replies 41Nov 20, 2017 5:53 PM +00:00

He's embarrassing.

For some reason he rubs me the wrong way, but a gay country-esque singer who might perform in a jockstrap once and a while doesn't.

Steve Grand, regardless of his kinks, seems like a down to earth guy.

Sam Smith seems like a greasy A-gay. The kind who just takes (or ATTEMPTS to take) whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He seems like a weasel. We need more boys next door, not "men who don't dance at clubs and then stare at people while leaning against the wall and then prey on someone at least 10 years their junior."

--There. I said it.
replies 42Dec 6, 2017 10:16 AM +00:00

'Cause you know he's "one of those".

--Anonymous
replies 43Dec 6, 2017 10:16 AM +00:00
The author is right that gay men simply waiting to tear other gay men 5 new holes for totally banal shit.

Those gurls is dangerous.

slantmouth.com
--Anonymous
replies 44Dec 6, 2017 10:20 AM +00:00
The author is right that gay men simply waiting to tear other gay men 5 new holes for totally banal shit.

That's just the point, his music IS totally banal shit. And after his renunciation of both his homosexuality and his maleness, at this point, listening to him is like listening to Anita Bryant.

We still don’t want you.
the DataLounge
--Anonymous
replies 45Dec 6, 2017 10:22 AM +00:00

r42 I was following you until you blurted this out: "...men who don't dance at clubs and then stare at people while leaning against the wall and then prey on someone at least 10 years their junior."

That's genuinely imbecilic.

--Anonymous
replies 46Dec 6, 2017 10:24 AM +00:00

The only time I liked him was when he put the moves on Tom Daley and made Dustin Lance Back get his claws out and have "get your hands off my boyfriend, you thirsty bitch!" moment on Twitter.

There is something off about him. Not just the whole "first gay ever!" blunder or the "oh, I wrote the Bond song (I assume his part, or does he claim he wrote the whole song?) while I sat on the loo for like 20 minutes!" boasting. It's the whole former fattie now taking revenge vibe he gives off. A bit creepy.

--Anonymous
replies 47Dec 6, 2017 10:46 AM +00:00

because he sucks, Boy George was so much better.

--Anonymous
replies 48Dec 6, 2017 10:48 AM +00:00

You people are stupid if you believe artists are not vain and boastful. They might play the humble for the public eye, but that's about it. I don't fault Sam for being more honest about his Narcissus.

--Anonymous
replies 49Dec 6, 2017 10:53 AM +00:00

He’s just not very attractive. He looks like a ground sloth. You can only get away with the slights on his resume when you’re hot.

--Anonymous
replies 50Dec 6, 2017 10:54 AM +00:00

He acts like a pussy. Like a weakling.

--Anonymous
replies 51Dec 6, 2017 11:19 AM +00:00

We saw Sam Smith and Harry Styles looking very close last night at Halfway to Heaven in Charing Cross.

--Anonymous
replies 52Dec 6, 2017 3:04 PM +00:00

jealous caftan wearing fatties. I'd fuck him tbh. He's not that bad looking and can sing! Bet he gives great head!

--Anonymous
replies 53Dec 7, 2017 9:27 PM +00:00

I've never even heard of him.

--Anonymous
replies 54Dec 8, 2017 5:16 AM +00:00

What kind of spaz are you, R54? The guy won four Grammys in 2015.

--Anonymous
replies 55Dec 9, 2017 5:15 PM +00:00

Not a really great voice or songs.

--Anonymous
replies 56Dec 9, 2017 5:18 PM +00:00

R55 pays attention to Grammys.

--Anonymous
replies 57Dec 9, 2017 5:33 PM +00:00

Lame, whiney, dull.

--Anonymous
replies 58Dec 9, 2017 7:50 PM +00:00

I've never heard a song by him I liked. He bleats. I wanted to like him. It's not his looks. I feel the same way about Eli Lieb and Sean Mendes. Their voices are even worse than Sam Smith's.

--Anonymous
replies 59Dec 9, 2017 7:52 PM +00:00
‘I can’t stand this ex-fat'

Only gay men would hate someone not simply for being fat but for ONCE being fat--and admit to it.

--another gay man
replies 60Dec 9, 2017 7:52 PM +00:00

He looks like he has an unpleasant odor.

--Anonymous
replies 61Dec 9, 2017 7:58 PM +00:00

I've literally never heard of him. No idea who this is.

--Anonymous
replies 62Dec 9, 2017 8:14 PM +00:00

Needs a better wig

--Anonymous
replies 63Dec 10, 2017 7:10 AM +00:00