JERSEY, CI: Given no new material to work with, the critically endangered specimens of Jersey Zoo (formerly Durrell Wildlife Park) have decided to host a screening of the superior comic book movie "Wonder Woman" on its home video release date its Tuesday. The superhero origin story, notable from other DC movie for its well-rounded characters and a plot that makes sense, was so popular at the Jersey Zoo that many of the endangered specimens put in for transfers to the Petah Tivka Zoo to be closer to Gal Gadot.
Upon hearing the news that Matthew Vaughan (Kingsmen, Kick-Ass) was angling for the director's chair of Man of Steel 2, the Durrell Creatures expressed exasperation that Warner Brothers still doesn't know what audiences want from a Superman film. "So they're basically going to replace a director known for his shallow, decadent visual style and soulless, excessive violence with a director known for his shallow, decadent visual style and soulless, excessive violence," complained the Burmese Burping Pangolin. "He'll probably recast Lois Lane with January Jones or whatever slut he's fucking. Poor Claudia. So much for having security by 'marrying down.'"