Meet me behind the mutton hut for some quicke funne

I think I've found my new pickup line!

-- Anonymous

I woke up this morning feeling bruised and battered, and immediately thought I have fibromyalgia. But then I remembered that I'm middle aged.

-- Anonymous

Who was holding the fucking camera, Michael J. Fox?

-- Anonymous

Is this some sort of Victorian euphemism for your lady business?

-- Anonymous

press junk-it

-- Anonymous

"UGH! What to do?!?"

While he's away from his desk today, you and all of your Yankee co-workers should paint up your faces, raid his office, steal his tea and flush it triumphantly down the toilet. It worked once before...

-- Sam Adams

"The entire point of the movie is the cinematography"

That's been my argument for years.

-- Leni Riefenstahl

Yeah, it's not Chekhov. But what's the fucking point of making it Chernobyl?

-- Anonymous

I will gladly vote for Obama and support him as president as long as this one simple demand is met:

-- Create the new position of "superpresident" that has authority and veto power over the president, and appoint Hillary to that position.

I think that's reasonable.

-- Hillary supporter

Will Hillary knock her front teeth out, tell the voters that Bill is really her cousin, tease her hair way up and start slugging moonshine with the coal miners????

How else can she "appeal" to the voters?

-- I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Jesus wanted to help them -- truly, He did -- but He answered Kanye West's prayer for better reviews instead.

-- Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian

Betcha anything Lopez will refer to his enjoying "Broadway soundtracks" as a kid. Emergency services better be at the ready at Radio City Music Hall for those show queens whose eyes will be rolling out of their sockets.

-- Anonymous

Did him. Twice.

-- Barbara Walters

"If I want to read Kos or Huff Po, I'll go there."

Since this link is to neither site, you may also want to complain -- with equal relevancy -- about fluoridated water and the International Conspiracy of Jewish Bankers.

-- Anonymous

Rin Tin Tinnitus

-- Anonymous

Batman battled more gays than Fred Phelps.

-- Anonymous

He was making coffee at 2:30 so that he would be wide awake when he phoned Hillary at 3.

-- Anonymous

Datalounge should ALWAYS be your first stop when you have urgent, critical medical or vet. emergencies!

-- Anonymous

I saw a drag queen once who broke both ankles jumping out of a semi in stilettos at a truckstop in PA. It was painful watching her hobble over to the diner to call 911.

-- Anonymous

This is why we hate rural electrification.

-- Anonymous

Her name sounds like a description of the blowjobs Ike used to get.

-- Anonymous

It's really The 50 Most Aggressive Publicists.

-- Anonymous

Now all she has to do is win the Belmont and the Preakness.

-- Anonymous

It's called Hard Candy.

There's a picture of some old whore on the cover.

-- Anonymous

Only on DL could an argument over a crisis in a presidential candidate's campaign turn into dueling critiques of Streisand's late-career work.

-- Anonymous

I hope she doesn't let all this attention go to her head.

-- Anonymous

What the fuck is an "iPod?"

-- Girl in basement

I have a rule, if the post is longer than most cocks I will not read it.

-- Anonymous

a GUY WHO TALKS A LOT

-- Anonymous

Actually, history indicates that there was, indeed, a moderator for the original Lincoln - Douglas debate : Irving R. Levine.

-- Anonymous

"'He's dead to us,' a Clinton aide was quoted of saying of John Kerry..."

So let's take a look at just who will be "dead" to President Hillary Clinton, shall we?

1. All states except the handful she's won 2. That bitch Nancy Pelosi 3. All DNC members and/or donors 4. MoveOn 5. Black people 6. Vendors who won't offer donuts pro bono 7. All superdelegates except Ed Rendell 8. Young people 9. Bosnians 10. Math

Can't wait!

-- Anonymous

"No" means "NO"!

You are committing linkrape by persisting!

-- Nan InternetExplorerWomyn

Her purse is hideous.

-- Anonymous

I felt the same way about seeing "Glitter".

-- Anonymous

What companies are sponsoring her divorce?

-- xopher (authenticated) +

It is amazing how much this thread resembles the American Idol results thread.

You are all idiots.

-- Anonymous

We need another debate! I didn't get a chance to ask Obama how we can be sure he isn't really a Muslim. I also didn't get a chance to ask him who he thinks would be more likely to burn an American flag: his wife or his pastor.

-- George Stephanopolous

Nevermind that it's not Christy, the real question is WHAT ARE YOU DOING LOOKING UP WOMEN'S SEWING PATTERNS?

-- Your Nervous Father

If atheism is a religion, bald is a hair color.

-- Anonymous

Monica Lewinsky,

you leap

on the back of the wind,

Daedelus

of assorted handbags of your

own design,

enchantress of the Oval Office,

one floating beret.

We gave you,

Monica Lewinsky,

media attention.

You,

Monica Lewinsky,

give us oral pleasures!

Hummers, BJs,

drowing in the churning,

frothy mother sea of semen,

delicious mouthscape of the tongue,

a prism of oral pleasures,

a cornocopia

of exotic labial delights.

The knobjob, the facial,

the pearl necklace,

the mouth fuck, the fellatio,

the blowjob, the flesh-flute recital,

the tongue-dance...

-- Dr. Maya Angelou

First Hillary blamed red state democracts, but I didn't care because I am not a red state democract. Then Hillary blamed the small state caucuses, but I didn't care because I don't live in a small state with a caucus. Then she blamed blacks voting blindly for one of their own, but I didn't care, because I am not black.

Then she blamed latte-drinkers, but I still supported her because I drink expresso.

Then she blame MoveOn, but I still supported her because I am not a member. Then Hillary blamed me, and by that time there was no one left to care.

-- Anonymous

Peacekeeper on Datalounge.

-- R2

This is what is know at Datalounge as "Surprise Banal".

-- Anonymous

Nothing in life is inevitable but Cher.

-- adamblast (authenticated) +

"We're fucking your husbands."

Please give them head first!

Thanks!

-- straight woman

So can we safely assume that America's second city wouldn't welcome its own season of "Real Housewives"?

-- Anonymous

She ate the whole fucking airline?!?

-- Annie Potts

"Shhhhh, be vewwy, vewwy quiet. We're huntin wabbits."

-- Hillary the Duck Hunter

I'll never forget his last words as his body slid down the darkened wall of the kitchen leaving a bloody smear on my magnolia walls.

"You *gasp* need more *gasp* task lightng!"

The bitch was right, but being right isn't the same as being alive.

-- I still prefer natural light

She-Coli

-- Anonymous